You know what I miss? Phone booths.
Oh. Sing it, sister.
When I was homeless, if you scored a phone booth,
you were living the life.
A door, a light, a shelf.
It was the original tiny house.
Okay, not that funny. What's up with you?
Oh, sorry. I just came back from a hip-hop dance class.
I've got endorphins coming out my eyeballs.
Ooh, where are you taking it?
At that place called Hippity-Hoppity Dance Till You Droppity.
I want to take class there just for the name.
Funny, that name makes me want to cut my own feet off
and never dance again.
I'm going back tomorrow. Why don't you come with me?
A-five, six, seven, yes!
It's okay to contain some of your excitement.
I am!
Oh, look, there's Tammy.
And she seems to be driving a Home Depot.
Mixed emotions... embarrassed by Tammy,
proud you know what a Home Depot is.
Oh. When I was drinking,
I used to go to lots of places by mistake.
It's the only reason I have a Costco membership.
Hey, guys, I'm having little trouble parking.
Can't imagine why.
See, now, if we had a phone booth,
we could jump inside and pretend we don't know her.
What ya got going on there?
Oh, I need to hold on to the lumber when I make a turn,
and I got a splinter.
I'm gonna start wearing gloves when I drive.
That's your solution?
Yeah, mittens would make it too hard to change the radio.
Or perhaps the time has come to buy a truck.
Oh, she can't afford a truck.
Whoa. Bonnie just said what the voice in my head said
at the exact same time.
That means my voice is in your head.
That's a good thing. That saves lives.
I bet you can afford it. You're very cheap...
I-I mean frugal.
I'm not sure I'm ready.
I miss my red socks.
Are you okay?
Is she having a stroke? Do you smell toast?
Wait, I smell toast. Am I having a stroke?
No, we're in a diner. Carry on.
She steals my red socks
and puts them on the ends of 2x4s.
So people can see them sticking out of the car.
If you don't say the whole thing, I just sound crazy.
You know, well, I think you should go for it.
Your business is doing so well.
Yeah, but I don't want to be that cliché of a girl
who makes a little money and then blows it all on a truck.
Tale as old as time.
No harm ever came from waiting.
Oh, I disagree.
I waited two years for Andy to be ready to get married,
and then he dumped me.
Sure, I'm back out there dating again,
but Andy was a big ole waste of my dwindling ovary time.
Get the damn truck before your dreams die.
Sounds like you're still holding on to some anger there.
Why do you think I'm going to dance class every day?
I'm working it out to Dua Lipa.
I don't know what that is, but I can't wait.
Uh, Tam, some guy's walking down the street
with two pieces of wood wearing socks.
- Uh, were they red? - Mm.
Oh, that cannot be a coincidence.
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --
Oh, I'm in love!
The club cab and the half-ton bed,
and it's the perfect color.
Or is red slutty?
On skirts, boots and bras, yes.
On trucks, not so much.
Waiting for him to come back with an answer
is worse than waiting for the jury at my trial.
I just want to buy it and hit a drive-through
as a first-time truck owner!
I love your enthusiasm. Now shove it down.
Shoving.
Talked to my sales manager.
The price I quoted you is as low as he'll let me go.
- Okey doke, where do I sign? - Uh, hold on a minute there, champ.
Vincent, is it? Yeah.
I checked Blue Book, and if you want to ask 20% over market,
that's fine. You deserve a living.
But right now you're at 30%.
So bring it down 2K or we walk.
I would love to, but my hands are tied.
His hands are tied, Bon.
I'm not hearing what I want to hear, Vinny.
And the Dodge dealership down the street
has one of those blow-up guys.
- Come on. It's time to go. - Oh.
Ugh, now this is exactly like my trial.
All right, the best I can do without getting fired
is to come down $1,500.
I don't know. The red is a little slutty.
$1,800.Throw in floor mats and we got a deal.
- Deal. - Oh.
That was a roller coaster!
All right, let's talk financing.
This kid is just a handyman,
so she's gonna need some easy terms.
No, no more negotiating. My heart can't take it.
This is why I don't watch Shark Tank.
All right, I got all the money right here.
- I'm so excited! - I'm so excited for you!
How the does Tammy have that much money?
Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight!
? Tell me, baby ?
? Do you like the way I move? ?
? Come on, get your dance on ?
? We can have as much fun ?
? As you can possibly have ?
? With your pants on ?
? We can have as much fun ?
- Let's go! - ? As you can possibly have ?
? With your pants on. ?
?
- What are you doing? - Folding our laundry.
I thought I'd help by getting a load from the dryer.
Huh, that's very sweet. And I hesitate to say this
'cause I'd like it to happen again,
but these are not our clothes.
Then how did my undershirts get in here?
Yes, Adam, you're the only man in the world
who wears medium, white Fruit of the Loom T-shirts.
Tammy get the truck?
She did, she did.
- Great. Can't wait to see it. - Paid for the whole thing in cash.
- Smart move. - You're missing the point.
Our friend who just spent seven years in prison for robbery
paid for a truck entirely in cash.
Aren't you wondering where she got it?
- No. - Yeah.
You also didn't wonder why this was in our laundry,
so you're not a reliable wonderer.
I can't believe you're suggesting
that Tammy stole the money.
Either she's a criminal or she's doing better than I am.
I'm more comfortable with the first one.
Well, I got bad news for you. She didn't steal it.
She's been working hard.
She does an eight-hour day as a handyman,
then works a full shift at the bar.
She's earned it.
Oh.
Are you disappointed?
Of course not. She's my friend.
I'm happy she's doing well.
Well, not happy, but I'm working very hard to tolerate it.
- So you're jealous. - I am not!
Old Bonnie got jealous.
New Bonnie is adjusting to the fact
that her friend who just got out of prison
is making more money than either Bonnie could ever make.
- Well, I'm glad you're not jealous. - Me, too.
New Bonnie is gonna return this laundry,
including this very cute blouse
that Old Bonnie would've kept
'cause the color makes her eyes pop.
Bad, Old Bonnie. Bad.
Hmm. This ride is surprisingly smooth
for a vehicle made in this country.
Ooh, I'm about to make a turn. Listen to this.
Isn't that click awesome?
It's got a strong beat. You could almost dance to it.
Oh, I bet you could, bless your heart.
Tammy, when you think of how far you've come
in such a short time, it's a miracle.
I mean, sure, I've seen people come into the program
and turn their lives around, but not with the speed you have.
Ooh.
My tushy is toasty.
Seat warmers. I turned 'em on while you were praising me.
From jail to seat warmers.
Now, there's the speech you give at local high schools.
Maybe I should get a truck.
- Why do you need a truck? - This is America.
You don't have to need things to buy them.
- What would you use it for? - Well, truck detectives,
I am a building manager.
I have oversized things in my life that need to be hauled.
If I wanted a truck, I could get one.
Not in all cash. Adam would have to help
and we'd have to cancel Hulu and stop buying name-brand soup.
Can we please just change the subject?
Sure thing. Hey, check out my new sound system.
If I turn the bass all the way up,
it feels like you're getting a foot massage.
?
Put on a hip-hop station,
you'll see a whole new side of Wendy.
This just in...
I am jealous of Tammy.
Super-duper jealous.
No. Really?
Good news is, Old Bonnie would've "accidentally" dumped coffee
all over Tammy's warm, buttery seats.
But New Bonnie bit her tongue so hard it bled a little.
Huh? Give it up.
For what,
acting like a human?
Yeah. Come on. Gimme.
You don't get a parade for just being a decent person.
Then what's the point of being a decent person?!
Where's Tammy? She's supposed to be helping.
She got a phone call about a job.
A job? What job? She got another job?
Yeah. Her first full kitchen.
Cabinets, cupboards, floors, appliances...
Yeah, I know what a kitchen is.
Marjorie, quick and dirty: where's my cash and prizes?
- What? - I've been sober longer,
but Tammy's having all the success. What gives?
Well, first of all, staying sober doesn't guarantee
money and success.
Hang that on the door.
It'll be a lot easier to find a seat in here.
You could look at it this way:
your cash and prizes are being in a healthy marriage
and repairing your relationship with your daughter.
Ugh, I'd rather have actual cash and prizes.
Would you?
I would.
Being around Tammy makes me feel like a loser,
which makes me feel like a bad friend,
which makes me feel like I haven't changed at all,
which makes me feel like a loser.
It's a vicious cycle that could easily end
if Tammy would just stop doing well.
We get into trouble
when we compare ourselves with other people.
"Compare and despair."
Ooh, it rhymed. It must be true.
Why don't you just keep acting
like you're happy for her, and eventually,
your feelings may catch up.
Doesn't rhyme, not doing it.
Hey. I can't wait for dance class.
I bought a hat so I can do this.
Oh. I didn't think you'd want to go back.
Why? 'Cause I suck at it?
Well, I wasn't gonna say it like that, but...
those are the words.
That doesn't matter. It was fun.
Well, how can it be fun if you're not good at it?
It's almost more fun.
Like when a movie's so bad, it's good.
I had Snakes on a Plane level fun in that class.
Oh, that is not how I roll.
If I'm not great at something, I'm out.
One time I took a ceramics class, had a little trouble
in the first few minutes, and faked appendicitis and left.
- That's so sad. - I was faking.
I just mean you miss out on a lot of life that way.
Mm. If that was supposed to be a pep talk,
that's something else she sucks at.
I got it. I got the job.
- That's wonderful, honey. - Yay!
- There's a problem, though. - Finally.
It starts Monday, so I have to finish the job
I'm on in the next two days.
Who knows when I'll sleep again?
Say what you will about cocaine... it was helpful.
Well, sleep deprivation and power tools don't sound
like a good combo.
Maybe there's somebody who could help you.
- Ow! I-I sure would like to help you. - Really?
Why would I say it if I didn't mean it?
- Awesome. I'll pick you up at 6:00 a.m. - Keeps getting better!
And you only have to call me "boss" if you want to.
Ah.
I hope you never get any of your red socks back.
This is gonna be some pantry.
I hope one day I make enough money
that my cereal can have its own bedroom.
I'm worried we're running behind.
Did you finish that shelf for the microwave?
I'm working as fast as I can, boss.
Sorry. I'm stressed. It's just that
I'm losing money on this gig. I totally underbid it.
Why would you do that?
Well, my thought was, if I do jobs on the cheap,
and people like my work, they'll recommend me to other people,
and I'll get more jobs.
Where you'll lose more money.
That does seem to be the way it's going, yes.
Well, go tell the client it's gonna cost more money.
I don't want to be that guy.
Really? 'Cause I love being that guy.
I'll tell you what.
You finish this, I'll go talk to the client.
- Okay, but please be nice. - Ugh. I'm always nice.
No, you're not, which is why I'm saying, "Please be nice."
Look... it's a bowl!
Now it's a plate.
I don't know how I let you talk me into doing this again.
I suck at it, and I'm getting all dirty.
Can you get appendicitis twice?
You know, this class is an hour, whether you have fun or not.
And I'm just saying, this is a lot of muss and fuss
for something I can buy at Crate & Barrel.
Jill, get over yourself.
- You're not gonna be perfect at it. - Ugh.
Just enjoy the damn process.
Fine, but mostly 'cause you're my ride.
Oh, shut up.
Here. Now give me a "whoo."
Don't push it.
Can I say "thank you" one more time?
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Sorry, that was four.
I'm just so excited.
Because of you, I'm gonna actually
make a profit on this job, and I've got a new truck,
and another big job lined up after this.
Everything's coming up Tammy.
It's almost too much good luck for one person to have.
They should make a movie about my miraculous turnaround.
It could be called Everything's Coming Up Tammy.
Well, I'd sure see that movie.
Oh. Damn it! Oh, my God.
I just spilled coffee all over your new truck.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry.
I swear it was an accident.
Of course it was an accident.
Why would you do that on purpose?
Because deep down, I'm a terrible person!
And really, it's not even that deep down.
Uh, what are you talking about?
I have been so jealous of you ever since you got this truck,
and you keep getting these amazing jobs,
and-and... and I don't want
to say "everything's coming up Tammy" again,
but everything's coming up Tammy!
This is so weird. I've always been so jealous of you.
Well, that's the way I liked it.
Bonnie, I'm still jealous of you.
I mean, you're savvy and fearless
and smart in a way I could never be.
Oh!
Now you're making me feel good about myself.
You're even a better friend than I am.
Stop making it a competition.
Look, we both have different strengths.
I mean, the way you negotiate... I could never do that.
Yeah, I am pretty amazing.
I'm sorry I got so jealous.
I guess it makes sense.
You're the closest thing I have to a sister.
Aw, I feel the exact same way.
Hey, could you grab some napkins out of the glove box?
Yeah, I'm getting a little emotional, too.
Actually, I need you to clean up that coffee before it sets in.
- Yes, yes. On it. - Mm-hmm.
Blot, don't rub.
Hey, Jill. What's going on?
Hey. Please excuse my appearance, but I knew
if I didn't say this right away, I would never say it at all.
I've always believed that if something wasn't perfect, it's a failure.
You know that stupid thing people say
about the joy being in the journey?
Well, it turns out, it's kind of true.
You and I weren't a big, fat failure
just because we didn't end up in a big, fat wedding.
- Jill, I-I... - I promise
I'm almost done. I just need to get this out.
You were my first sober relationship.
We shared a lot of beautiful memories together,
and... I can actually remember 'em all because I wasn't high.
I just wanted you to know
that I'm okay with what happened between us.
And... I want you to have this to remember me by.
Huh.
Think I was supposed to put that in some kind of special oven,
but I skipped that step.
You were in pottery class.
Thought your gardener quit again.
Oh. No.
I mean, well, he did, but that's not what this is.
Thanks.
And, uh, yeah, for what it's worth,
I-I-I... I think I messed up.
You know, I-I... I knew you wanted to get married
and start a family, and I wasn't sure I was ready.
And, um... I'm-I'm just...
I'm-I'm really sorry I wasted your time.
No, but that's the thing.
None of it was a waste.
Well, it wasn't for me, either.
Okay. Well, you take care of yourself.
Mm. You, too.
And thanks for the bowl.
- Ah, shoot. - Oh, no!
- Oh, wait. Now it's a planter. - Ah.
- Mm. - Mm.
Come on! Come on!
It's not a funeral march! Step it up!
I don't get what the hoopla is.
We've all seen the truck. Whoo, whoo, shiny, shiny. I'm hungry.
Humor them, we'll get to lunch faster.
Okay, we have an announcement to make.
- Uh, do you want to say it? - No, you say it.
I think you should say it.
Uh, this is not getting us to lunch faster.
- You go. - No, you go. You go.
For God's sake, somebody go.
Tammy and I are...
Going into business together!
- Good for you guys! - That's great.
You are gonna be awesome!
Doing what, exactly?
- Construction! - Well, I'm gonna handle
the hammering and nailing part,
and she's gonna handle the businessy part.
We figure together, we'll be unstoppable!
So, presenting...
- That's great! - Oh, I love it.
Um, did you guys say that name out loud
before you put it on a big old magnet?
What's wrong with "TamBon"?
- Aw, crap! - I still don't hear...
Oh, I just got it.
All right, let's spitball new names for our business.
What's the first thing that comes to you off the top of your head?
Chicks With Drills.
Okay, what's the second?
Chicks With Power Drills.
Getting stuck on a theme here.
Ladies Who Lumber?
Sounds like we walk slow.
Working Girls?
I feel like we're gonna get a lot of calls
- for the wrong thing. - Mm...
Boy, Hippity Hoppity Build Till You Droppity
is sounding better and better.
- Gonna need a big magnet, though. - Yeah.
How about "Two Gals Who Like Wood"?
I like it.
Let me Google it to see if anyone's using it.
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --