1
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,425
D'oh.

2
00:00:29,421 --> 00:00:30,754
D'oh.

3
00:00:38,293 --> 00:00:39,705
* Here's the story *

4
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,766
* Of a fat cat *

5
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,878
* That no one *

6
00:00:46,029 --> 00:00:48,955
* Really liked *

7
00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:52,292
* His name is Monty *

8
00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:55,054
* He's an old rat, ha. *

9
00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,556
* And he's sleepin' *

10
00:00:57,783 --> 00:00:59,800
* Bad tonight. *

11
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,144
_

12
00:01:06,792 --> 00:01:08,383
Everybody hates me.

13
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,295
Sir, your personal chef is
here with your breakfast.

14
00:01:11,313 --> 00:01:13,238
Voilą. One raisin,

15
00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:17,201
wrinkles ironed and smoothed,
with one molecule of sugar.

16
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,637
Too sharp. It could cut me to ribbons.

17
00:01:20,656 --> 00:01:22,656
Release the hounds.

18
00:01:23,976 --> 00:01:26,085
No, you need a wine pairing.

19
00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:28,812
Cabernet, to bring out my earthiness.

20
00:01:29,998 --> 00:01:31,665
Cordon bleu!

21
00:01:32,478 --> 00:01:32,983
Smithers,

22
00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,838
I need real food.

23
00:01:34,873 --> 00:01:36,670
Something that'll stick to my rib.

24
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,989
What is that delicious smell?

25
00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:41,050
Um, uh, this is my lunch.

26
00:01:41,085 --> 00:01:42,722
My wife just gave me a salad,

27
00:01:42,757 --> 00:01:44,252
but she said I could
choose my own dressing,

28
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,019
so I picked this hamburger.

29
00:01:50,519 --> 00:01:51,610
Hmm.

30
00:01:51,837 --> 00:01:55,132
Seems to be some sort
of meat with a slice

31
00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:58,481
of James Lewis Kraft's
confectionary cheese on top

32
00:01:58,516 --> 00:02:02,545
and a kind of catsup blended
with a well-naised egg

33
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,289
in the style of Mayon.

34
00:02:11,874 --> 00:02:13,340
I'll never let go.

35
00:02:17,979 --> 00:02:21,256
I must have more of these,
uh... What do you call them?

36
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,816
Hamburgers.

37
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:25,260
You're eating people from Hamburg?

38
00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:27,003
I don't know. Maybe.

39
00:02:27,155 --> 00:02:29,005
Mmm.

40
00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:31,825
Sir, uh, we need to
be cautious about this.

41
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:33,602
It's not healthy for a man

42
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,604
to double his weight within a day.

43
00:02:37,235 --> 00:02:39,015
Triple!

44
00:02:39,109 --> 00:02:40,233
No...!

45
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,680
My heart! This could be
my last moment on Earth.

46
00:02:53,698 --> 00:02:56,124
If so, fire someone and let me watch.

47
00:02:56,275 --> 00:02:58,776
Someone who just bought a house.

48
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,590
Smithers.

49
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:06,709
Oh, thank God you're alive.

50
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:07,863
And famished.

51
00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:09,863
Do they serve burgers in this joint?

52
00:03:09,881 --> 00:03:12,289
No, sir. Eating meat could kill you.

53
00:03:12,384 --> 00:03:14,200
Eh, no one lives forever.

54
00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:16,035
Except Dick Cheney. What's his deal?

55
00:03:16,054 --> 00:03:18,037
Sir, you nearly died.

56
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,482
I nearly died? How was the reaction?

57
00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:23,209
Well, when they heard you were dying...

58
00:03:26,214 --> 00:03:27,471
He's alive.

59
00:03:27,565 --> 00:03:28,782
Aw.

60
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,734
People don't like me.

61
00:03:31,828 --> 00:03:33,310
They really don't. Why?

62
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:36,055
You've released the hounds on
nearly everyone in town, sir.

63
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,540
Everyone loves dogs, Smithers.

64
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:39,150
It must be something else.

65
00:03:39,244 --> 00:03:41,152
Um, if you're ready, come.

66
00:03:41,246 --> 00:03:43,380
- The cue will be "life."
- Hmm.

67
00:03:43,738 --> 00:03:44,915
_

68
00:03:44,916 --> 00:03:47,917
Smithers, this means that no
one will mourn me when I'm gone.

69
00:03:48,011 --> 00:03:50,178
My only legacy will
be the extra radiation

70
00:03:50,205 --> 00:03:52,663
on every drop of water on Earth.

71
00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,424
- Don't give up, sir.
- No, I give up.

72
00:03:54,478 --> 00:03:55,485
Don't give up.

73
00:03:55,519 --> 00:03:56,667
- I give up.
- Don't give up.

74
00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:57,669
I give up.

75
00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:58,674
- Don't give up.
- Seriously,

76
00:03:58,689 --> 00:03:59,762
I give up.

77
00:03:59,915 --> 00:04:01,356
Will you listen to me for one minute?

78
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,507
Sir, I figured out a
way to add to your legacy

79
00:04:03,527 --> 00:04:06,986
and extend your life.

80
00:04:09,424 --> 00:04:11,533
The professor here
has used exotic plants

81
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,761
to develop what I think
is the healthiest, tastiest

82
00:04:14,779 --> 00:04:16,687
meatless burger ever.

83
00:04:16,781 --> 00:04:17,855
You could eat as many as you want

84
00:04:17,895 --> 00:04:19,708
and we can sell them at a profit.

85
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,208
- Aw.
- Not here. Not here, please.

86
00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:23,483
I've told you about this.

87
00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:30,385
Oh, do you know how Edison felt

88
00:04:30,612 --> 00:04:32,612
on that incredible, magical night?

89
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:34,371
When he invented the light bulb?

90
00:04:34,391 --> 00:04:36,132
No. The electric chair.

91
00:04:36,284 --> 00:04:37,800
That's how I feel now.

92
00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:39,942
Smithers, this could change my legacy.

93
00:04:39,977 --> 00:04:42,046
People have to like the person
who made them live longer.

94
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,273
They have to.

95
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,399
What are you saying, sir?

96
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:45,641
I'm going to make it

97
00:04:45,794 --> 00:04:48,236
to what I never thought possible:

98
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:50,054
beloved after death.

99
00:04:50,148 --> 00:04:52,490
Look at me, world.

100
00:04:59,773 --> 00:05:01,249
We'll do a sneak preview
of your burger chain

101
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,584
and then a grand opening

102
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:04,586
of a thousand stores across the country.

103
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,403
Now all we need is a name.

104
00:05:06,423 --> 00:05:07,497
Excellent.

105
00:05:07,884 --> 00:05:09,966
You've done it again, sir.

106
00:05:12,342 --> 00:05:13,389
We're here to cover

107
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:15,096
the sneak preview of our new sponsor,

108
00:05:15,323 --> 00:05:16,580
X-Cell-Ent Burger.

109
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,249
I... I'm just getting word

110
00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:21,752
Springfield Dam has ruptured
and water is roaring down.

111
00:05:21,846 --> 00:05:24,439
We'll let the, uh, sad news cover that.

112
00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:26,015
I'm here live at...

113
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:27,266
Aah!

114
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,336
He was a good reporter,
great parking spot.

115
00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:32,947
Uh, but let's move
on from grief to beef.

116
00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:36,359
The first paying customer to
taste the X-Cell-Ent Burger

117
00:05:36,453 --> 00:05:37,860
will be...

118
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,956
Number 43.

119
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,199
- Aw.
- That's me.

120
00:05:43,351 --> 00:05:44,441
But I warn you,

121
00:05:44,536 --> 00:05:47,537
I've had every
plant-based meat ever made:

122
00:05:47,631 --> 00:05:49,864
Phony Baloney, Not Wurst,

123
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,190
Faux Foie Gras,

124
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,042
Corned Beets On Rye,

125
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,469
and Ghost Beef.

126
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,138
Good luck pleasing me.

127
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,279
_

128
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,180
_

129
00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:14,047
So, what do you think?

130
00:06:14,065 --> 00:06:15,398
It tastes great!

131
00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:18,718
And no animal has
passed gas in its making.

132
00:06:18,736 --> 00:06:21,812
This burger might just save the world.

133
00:06:21,906 --> 00:06:23,056
Oh. Oh.

134
00:06:23,074 --> 00:06:24,666
Thank you.

135
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,227
Thank you.

136
00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:30,229
You're letting me cut the line?

137
00:06:30,248 --> 00:06:31,322
Oh, thank you.

138
00:06:31,416 --> 00:06:32,732
I don't have to cook.

139
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:34,917
I can finally teach Maggie to talk.

140
00:06:35,011 --> 00:06:38,680
Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Mm, mm.

141
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,170
Praise, praise... something I've craved

142
00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:47,981
since I was a little boy.

143
00:06:50,085 --> 00:06:52,268
I drew this picture of
you hugging me, Mummy.

144
00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:54,437
I don't like art that lies.

145
00:06:54,589 --> 00:06:56,847
Oh, and by the way, your father's dead.

146
00:06:58,017 --> 00:06:59,850
There's just one more thing we need.

147
00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:00,945
A spokesman.

148
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:03,187
If we find a regular slob who loves it,

149
00:07:03,281 --> 00:07:04,947
we can start a chain reaction.

150
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,933
Just like, uh, ooh...

151
00:07:06,951 --> 00:07:07,952
Nuclear fission?

152
00:07:08,103 --> 00:07:10,634
Is that how that works? Really? Heh.

153
00:07:10,669 --> 00:07:11,787
Now to find our slob.

154
00:07:11,882 --> 00:07:13,965
My card.

155
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:15,166
_

156
00:07:15,385 --> 00:07:16,470
_

157
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,463
Smithers, keep your nods to yourself.

158
00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:21,558
Yes, sir.

159
00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,057
Since we're using a green screen,

160
00:07:23,284 --> 00:07:24,559
do I have to be this high up?

161
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,544
- We need the chance of death.
- Before we film,

162
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:28,897
we need you to sign this contract

163
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,957
stating that what you
publicly say about our product

164
00:07:30,975 --> 00:07:32,567
is limited to certain catchphrases.

165
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:35,811
Approved phrases limited to...

166
00:07:35,964 --> 00:07:37,054
"yes ve-gan,"

167
00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:38,389
"I guaran-tree it,"

168
00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:39,723
"abso-lettuce,"

169
00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:41,058
and the "meat beater."

170
00:07:41,948 --> 00:07:43,669
Every one of those has two meanings.

171
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:45,562
Your ad guys are geniuses.

172
00:07:45,657 --> 00:07:48,541
If I could be a fly on the wall...

173
00:07:51,146 --> 00:07:52,736
Uh-oh. My kids!

174
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:56,816
Oh, I got to put all
these kids through garbage?

175
00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,651
Now, listen, if you break this contract,

176
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,911
we'll release the hounds,
who will bite you here,

177
00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:02,430
here, here and here.

178
00:08:02,581 --> 00:08:04,432
And here in triplicate.

179
00:08:08,772 --> 00:08:10,346
Okay, Homer, let's try a take.

180
00:08:10,398 --> 00:08:11,422
Action.

181
00:08:11,516 --> 00:08:13,666
They say I'm eating healthy.

182
00:08:13,685 --> 00:08:16,090
They say I'm saving the planet.

183
00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:17,428
But here's my secret:

184
00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:20,673
it tastes like it was scared to die.

185
00:08:20,692 --> 00:08:22,008
The X-Cell-Ent Burger...

186
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:24,010
coming soon to a
location near you.

187
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,270
The fate of the world
is in your mouth.

188
00:08:27,037 --> 00:08:28,105
With all these commercials,

189
00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:31,184
I'm afraid your father's
going to need bigger pants.

190
00:08:31,202 --> 00:08:34,445
Alexa, do you have any X-X-X-X-

191
00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:38,282
X-X-X-XL in stock?

192
00:08:38,301 --> 00:08:40,209
I found XLN stock.

193
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,286
How much would you like to buy?

194
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,197
Um, I-I don't know.

195
00:08:44,215 --> 00:08:45,881
How's ten pairs?

196
00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:49,218
Submitting order for a
thousand shares of XLN stock.

197
00:08:49,312 --> 00:08:50,794
Please confirm.

198
00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:53,539
- Confirm?
- Ignoring question mark.

199
00:08:53,558 --> 00:08:55,374
Buy order executed.

200
00:08:56,775 --> 00:09:00,989
Oh, no. Maggie. I accidentally bought
X-Cell-Ent Burger stock.

201
00:09:01,216 --> 00:09:02,991
Alexa, sell those stocks.

202
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,309
Ordering yellow socks.

203
00:09:05,436 --> 00:09:07,053
You get everything wrong.

204
00:09:07,071 --> 00:09:08,830
We'll switch to Siri.

205
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,498
Siri enabled.

206
00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:13,084
You sound like Alexa.

207
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,338
Oh.

208
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,813
X-Cell-Ent Burger.

209
00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,733
Well, they seem to be succeeding.

210
00:09:20,752 --> 00:09:23,433
But I'd feel awful if the stock went...

211
00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:24,754
Up? It just went up.

212
00:09:24,848 --> 00:09:26,239
We made money!

213
00:09:26,257 --> 00:09:29,425
Seven hundred dollars!

214
00:09:29,577 --> 00:09:31,644
What I could buy with that money.

215
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:36,082
Now it's down. Down $200.

216
00:09:37,005 --> 00:09:38,184
Up again.

217
00:09:38,672 --> 00:09:39,769
Down again.

218
00:09:39,921 --> 00:09:42,104
The grand opening's in a
week, sir, and the reviews

219
00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:43,773
couldn't be better.

220
00:09:43,925 --> 00:09:46,592
- _
- Hmm. Smithers, I'm a hero.

221
00:09:46,611 --> 00:09:48,444
Like that guy who
landed the plane safely.

222
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:49,779
Sully Sullenberger?

223
00:09:49,931 --> 00:09:51,873
No, no, no, no. Rudolf Hess.

224
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,833
Smithers, a toast.

225
00:09:57,272 --> 00:09:58,629
On it, sir.

226
00:10:01,653 --> 00:10:03,320
I think you've had enough, sir.

227
00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:05,869
Yes. Yes. I'll... I'll sleep it off.

228
00:10:07,865 --> 00:10:09,848
If it goes up another ten cents,

229
00:10:09,867 --> 00:10:12,442
we're a thousand dollars ahead.

230
00:10:13,356 --> 00:10:15,779
We've never been
a thousand dollars ahead.

231
00:10:15,873 --> 00:10:18,507
Never. Ooh...

232
00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,451
Tonight on Smartline:

233
00:10:21,545 --> 00:10:23,286
The Burger Wars.

234
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,216
_

235
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,884
They won't give me a raise,
but they can blow the bank

236
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,299
on graphics like that.

237
00:10:47,997 --> 00:10:49,555
Leading up to its national rollout,

238
00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:53,058
X-Cell-Ent Burger's success
is destroying its competitors,

239
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:54,985
who are trying to overcome
a terrific new product

240
00:10:55,079 --> 00:10:57,062
with desperate publicity stunts.

241
00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:58,989
Attempting to piggyback
on Burger King's success

242
00:10:59,083 --> 00:11:01,750
by changing its name during
Pride Month to "Burger Queer,"

243
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:04,327
Krusty has introduced his own product:

244
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:07,139
the L.G.B.T.Q.B.L.T.

245
00:11:09,076 --> 00:11:12,669
How could a ploy this
cynical and shameless fail?

246
00:11:14,506 --> 00:11:16,673
Mel, you're three of those letters.

247
00:11:16,692 --> 00:11:17,933
Where did I go wrong?

248
00:11:18,085 --> 00:11:19,860
Your product is inferior.

249
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,436
Your marketing is offensive.

250
00:11:21,589 --> 00:11:25,107
And you have more ex-wives
than franchise locations.

251
00:11:25,201 --> 00:11:28,685
What happened to kiss-ass Mel
who was afraid of my shadow?

252
00:11:28,779 --> 00:11:31,021
I joined an empowerment group

253
00:11:31,115 --> 00:11:33,457
with the monkey and the cue card guy.

254
00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:36,093
_

255
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:37,459
_

256
00:11:48,632 --> 00:11:51,559
Aw, geez. My hero's a loser.

257
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,727
Mr. Burns is gonna drive
Krusty out of business,

258
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,229
unless we stop him.

259
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:58,307
No. Burns is doing something good.

260
00:11:58,459 --> 00:11:59,808
I know it in my gut.

261
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,860
The Earth is on his side.

262
00:12:03,147 --> 00:12:04,647
_

263
00:12:12,731 --> 00:12:14,823
Thank you. I love you all.

264
00:12:14,917 --> 00:12:16,750
Disperse them before we get back.

265
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,294
Rubber bullets, if necessary.

266
00:12:22,091 --> 00:12:24,366
It's so wonderful to be be-liked.

267
00:12:24,518 --> 00:12:28,487
Finally, I can join the club
that rejected me so many times.

268
00:12:28,505 --> 00:12:30,598
_

269
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,841
Welcome, welcome.

270
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:34,435
All the other beloved
billionaires are here.

271
00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:36,753
There's Warren Buffet,
there's Bill Gates,

272
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:38,015
and that's it.

273
00:12:41,214 --> 00:12:43,927
Mark Zuckerberg, you get out of here.

274
00:12:43,946 --> 00:12:46,096
No! You can't threaten me.

275
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:47,430
I know all about you.

276
00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:49,783
You're currently single,
you haven't been poked

277
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,693
in five years, and I love those pictures

278
00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:53,345
from your vacation to Baja,

279
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:55,530
where we both know your
boyfriend dumped you.

280
00:12:55,683 --> 00:12:56,790
Those were set to private.

281
00:12:57,017 --> 00:12:59,835
Right. "Private."

282
00:13:02,568 --> 00:13:03,699
_

283
00:13:06,802 --> 00:13:08,877
I think I know what Burns is up to.

284
00:13:09,029 --> 00:13:11,788
His so-called vegan burgers
contain... wait for it.

285
00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:14,032
- Are you waiting?
- Mm-hmm.

286
00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:15,809
Here it is: meat.

287
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:17,719
What are you saying?

288
00:13:17,813 --> 00:13:19,462
All this time I've been eating meat?!

289
00:13:19,482 --> 00:13:21,852
Aah! Ew, ah, ah!

290
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:26,302
Oh, no, that's why I grew an inch.

291
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:27,329
Just a theory.

292
00:13:27,381 --> 00:13:28,422
Do you believe that?

293
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:31,049
No. I just wanted the
rest of your burger.

294
00:13:41,856 --> 00:13:43,396
_

295
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:47,416
I don't want to see what's inside.

296
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:49,301
Nerd.

297
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,070
Mm-hmm.

298
00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:54,423
Yep. Just as I thought.

299
00:13:54,575 --> 00:13:56,350
He's using plants.

300
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,335
Aw, crap.

301
00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:02,064
Not meat. Burns is
doing the right thing.

302
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,760
This is kind of scary,

303
00:14:14,778 --> 00:14:16,686
like putting on a wet bathing suit.

304
00:14:16,780 --> 00:14:19,448
Wait a minute. Those
plants look unusual.

305
00:14:20,617 --> 00:14:22,525
They're all endangered plants

306
00:14:22,545 --> 00:14:24,694
from the Amazon rainforest.

307
00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:26,271
We have to tell Burns.

308
00:14:26,290 --> 00:14:28,457
He already knows. He's evil.

309
00:14:28,551 --> 00:14:31,051
No. I refuse to believe
that someone can't change

310
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,053
for the better, even
though I can't think

311
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,223
of a single example
of that ever happening.

312
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:39,876
- Mr. Burns?
- Yes, children.

313
00:14:39,895 --> 00:14:40,896
What do you want?

314
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,288
Um, we came to tell you something

315
00:14:43,307 --> 00:14:46,458
that's maybe a little hard to hear.

316
00:14:46,477 --> 00:14:47,901
- Mm?
- Uh-huh.

317
00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:50,571
I'm sorry to have to inform you

318
00:14:50,722 --> 00:14:52,722
that your attempt to do good

319
00:14:52,816 --> 00:14:55,300
is doing very, very bad.

320
00:14:55,319 --> 00:14:56,952
Leave me alone.

321
00:15:01,751 --> 00:15:03,417
Oh, for God's sake.

322
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:06,979
- Finally.
- Mr. Burns.

323
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:08,922
Release the hounds.

324
00:15:09,149 --> 00:15:11,008
You mean these hounds?

325
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:13,093
Let's be clear, young lady.

326
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,669
I'm not going to listen to you.

327
00:15:14,822 --> 00:15:16,154
I'm never going to listen to you,

328
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,765
and I have sophisticated technology

329
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,475
to ensure that happens.

330
00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:22,018
Buy, buy, buy!

331
00:15:22,037 --> 00:15:23,753
Then, when you hear a rumor of trouble,

332
00:15:23,847 --> 00:15:25,255
sell before anyone else!

333
00:15:25,274 --> 00:15:26,498
I'll be out of here in four months!

334
00:15:27,911 --> 00:15:30,656
Oh, what happened to you?

335
00:15:30,691 --> 00:15:32,671
Come over here. What is it, baby?

336
00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:35,949
We have to think of a way to
shut X-Cell-Ent Burger down.

337
00:15:36,176 --> 00:15:38,101
But what about the shareholders?

338
00:15:38,195 --> 00:15:40,695
What? Sharehol... Ew.

339
00:15:40,790 --> 00:15:43,273
Ew, ew, ew!

340
00:15:43,292 --> 00:15:45,375
_

341
00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:46,939
_

342
00:15:47,671 --> 00:15:49,031
_

343
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,632
_

344
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,040
No, no, no!

345
00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:54,284
More money for Marge.

346
00:15:54,378 --> 00:15:55,952
Oh! Oh!

347
00:15:56,046 --> 00:15:57,863
- Dad, you're my last hope.
- Mm?

348
00:15:57,881 --> 00:15:59,306
Tomorrow's the national launch.

349
00:15:59,533 --> 00:16:02,868
If X-Cell-Ent Burger succeeds,
by the year 2080,

350
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:04,219
the entire Amazon...

351
00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:06,221
I'm talking the lungs of the planet...

352
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:07,292
will be gone.

353
00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:09,132
Lisa, I'm sorry to put it on you,

354
00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:11,634
but every generation
has its to-do list.

355
00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:14,822
Yours is putting Miami on stilts,
inventing new bees,

356
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:18,383
and learning to peacefully
live with fire tornadoes.

357
00:16:18,476 --> 00:16:19,993
You're not gonna help fight Burns?

358
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,829
I've learned one thing in life:

359
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:25,390
don't bite the bony,
withered claw that feeds you,

360
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:28,577
even if there's delicious marrow inside.

361
00:16:28,671 --> 00:16:30,504
What was this about again?

362
00:16:30,731 --> 00:16:32,155
You won't help save the Earth.

363
00:16:32,249 --> 00:16:33,990
No, I won't.

364
00:16:34,009 --> 00:16:35,676
I don't know how you sleep at night.

365
00:16:35,903 --> 00:16:38,220
I sleep fine, little lady!

366
00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:51,583
Cheesy McMayor! Jack in the Bag!

367
00:16:51,602 --> 00:16:54,419
Guys, my company is doing something bad.

368
00:16:54,438 --> 00:16:55,754
Should I tell the world?

369
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:58,957
Look what eating only my
own food has done to me.

370
00:16:58,959 --> 00:17:00,367
Look at me!

371
00:17:03,614 --> 00:17:05,947
* You're a spokesman *

372
00:17:06,041 --> 00:17:08,600
* For a franchise *

373
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:11,119
* That's clear-cutting *

374
00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:14,697
* Left and right *

375
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:17,609
* You have sold out *

376
00:17:17,628 --> 00:17:20,536
* All your values *

377
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:22,389
* I won't let you *

378
00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:24,799
* Sleep tonight. *

379
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:36,517
Once again, dreams have taught me

380
00:17:36,552 --> 00:17:37,963
more than all the books ever written.

381
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:40,056
I know what I have to do.

382
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:42,242
_

383
00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:46,062
What's going on? Why is everyone baring

384
00:17:46,081 --> 00:17:48,564
- their teeth at me?
- They're smiling, sir.

385
00:17:48,659 --> 00:17:49,824
They can't wait to see you.

386
00:17:49,919 --> 00:17:51,977
Oh. Uh, just so I know,

387
00:17:51,995 --> 00:17:53,311
to be considered good

388
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,164
I now have to continue
doing good things?

389
00:17:56,238 --> 00:17:57,240
- Yes.
- Ah.

390
00:17:57,259 --> 00:17:59,151
That's why Jesus retired at 33,

391
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,261
without a fast-food
franchise to his name,

392
00:18:01,488 --> 00:18:04,172
except maybe Chick-fil-A.
Well, let's get on with

393
00:18:04,341 --> 00:18:06,582
my ascension into sainthood, Smithers.

394
00:18:06,677 --> 00:18:08,769
I'm gonna bring them down.

395
00:18:08,996 --> 00:18:11,254
Are you sure? Think of the shareholders.

396
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:15,000
- For once, I say damn the shareholders.
- Mm...

397
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:17,002
Simpson. After the announcement,

398
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,353
there will be questions
from the audience,

399
00:18:18,447 --> 00:18:20,430
but like our burgers,
the questioners will be

400
00:18:20,524 --> 00:18:22,340
entirely made up of plants.

401
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,100
I'm ready.

402
00:18:24,194 --> 00:18:26,269
And you do remember your
non-disclosure agreement?

403
00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:29,181
I believe it said
something to the effect of

404
00:18:29,199 --> 00:18:32,266
I was limited to certain
words and phrases,

405
00:18:32,301 --> 00:18:35,177
and I couldn't make obscene
gestures with my hands.

406
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,354
Or...

407
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,023
- Crotch.
- Excellent.

408
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:40,359
Excellent.

409
00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:45,180
Mr. Simpson will now take questions.

410
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,958
Yes. The little girl in the mustache.

411
00:18:49,052 --> 00:18:50,143
Thank you, sir.

412
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:51,961
Is it true that X-Cell-Ent Burgers

413
00:18:51,981 --> 00:18:54,314
are made of plants from the rainforest?

414
00:18:57,673 --> 00:18:59,302
Abso-lettuce.

415
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,731
Uh-huh. And what are the chances

416
00:19:02,883 --> 00:19:04,880
that your product will help lead

417
00:19:04,915 --> 00:19:06,535
to the destruction of the planet?

418
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:10,313
I guaran-tree it.

419
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:15,043
Using legal loopholes
to tell us the truth.

420
00:19:16,897 --> 00:19:19,064
A supersize admission
in the burger wars.

421
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:21,399
Have we been fed an
order of lies, or worse...

422
00:19:21,418 --> 00:19:22,584
curly lies?

423
00:19:22,678 --> 00:19:23,844
Good God, I'm hungry.

424
00:19:26,607 --> 00:19:30,138
I did it again. I won by doing nothing.

425
00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:31,225
That's my hero.

426
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,869
Always will be.

427
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,596
Round up some more donkeys.

428
00:19:34,614 --> 00:19:36,856
We're in the burger business again.

429
00:19:37,628 --> 00:19:39,283
Mom, I'm so conflicted.

430
00:19:39,436 --> 00:19:40,935
You're conflicted?

431
00:19:41,028 --> 00:19:44,272
I feel like someone who knew
a stock was about to crash,

432
00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:47,442
sold it before that happened,
and kept a thousand dollars.

433
00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:48,485
What are you saying?

434
00:19:48,536 --> 00:19:50,470
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

435
00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:56,393
This is the time
he really needs you to look at him.

436
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,475
- Sir. You're happy.
- Yes.

437
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:07,219
Because I'm no longer
crushed by morality.

438
00:20:07,313 --> 00:20:09,406
I gave it a nice go...
almost a full month...

439
00:20:09,633 --> 00:20:12,316
but in the end, evil always wins.

440
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,059
Would you like to go
to a school for the blind

441
00:20:14,154 --> 00:20:16,061
and convince them aliens have landed?

442
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,540
Mm. I'd like that.

443
00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:31,094
* You listened *

444
00:20:31,245 --> 00:20:33,930
* To your conscience, kapow *

445
00:20:34,157 --> 00:20:35,765
* And now you're *

446
00:20:35,992 --> 00:20:39,251
* Feelin' fine *

447
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:42,713
* And you're dreamin' *

448
00:20:42,865 --> 00:20:45,833
* Of me singin' *

449
00:20:45,852 --> 00:20:47,001
* 'Cause you drank *

450
00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:50,447
* Two-dollar wine. *

451
00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:53,841
Tell me when it hurts.

452
00:20:53,935 --> 00:20:57,011
It hurt from the beginning!

453
00:21:31,692 --> 00:21:32,780
Shh.

454
00:21:35,782 --> 00:21:38,691
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