Until pretty recently,
doctors would slap a newborn on the back
immediately after birth.
It's not that they wanted to make the baby cry.
They needed the baby to cry.
Thank you.
Lexie!
It meant the baby could breathe on her own.
Thankfully, we don't do that anymore.
But we still hold our own breath until we hear that cry.
And it doesn't matter if you're the baby's doctor or mother...
...it's the most beautiful sound in the world.
The first time, anyway.
Boston doesn't need you as much as I do.
You know I'd stay if I could.
Morning playlist.
It's better than coffee.
Yeah.
Marcella Diaz, 62...
...recently admitted to ICU after sats dropped below 87%.
She was in a lot of discomfort last night.
Ah, this one worries too much.
He needs more patients.
Or a hobby.
Well, when are you gonna start my singing lessons?
Marcella taught music in high school for 35 years.
Recent chest films?
Opacities in both lungs.
Veronica...
Of course.
And... And...
Yes, I will call my mother, too.
Veronica's her daughter.
She's positive, too, but her symptoms are mild.
Mama!
How are you feeling?
Okay.
It's... It's just a cough, Mom.
Don't worry.
You focus on you, alright?
And do everything that Dr. Pierce says, alright?
Okay, I love you.
And when did you first start to feel the pain?
Uh, a few nights ago.
I was watching these cat videos online when...
For God's sake, what happened?
The boys are fine.
A little worried.
- I told them you'd call. - They called me.
They thought I might be interested to know
that their aunt left in an ambulance.
She has a history of acid reflux and lives with MS.
Right, yes. She told me.
Irene, are you on any medications other than steroids?
And those damn teas.
She has an infantile resistance to Western medicine.
She's had a catastrophic family experience
with Western medicine.
Okay, it... it... it looks to me like it's kidney stones,
but I'd like to get a CT just to...
Then what are you waiting for? Let's go.
I'm waiting for you to let me finish a single sentence,
but I'll give up on that now.
Life of the party, isn't he?
I appreciate everyone pulling extra shifts.
Bailey does, too.
Uh, she'll be back in a few days.
Thank you, Dr. Ndugu, for pitching in where needed.
Boston's hit another surge, so we need to let him get back.
- How's Meredith? - Her vital signs are stable.
Her morning labs were good.
Oxygen requirements are decreasing.
Enough to take her off the vent?
Let's see if the trend continues.
Well, let's hope it does, and not just for her sake.
As of 5:00 this morning,
we are down to our last four available ventilators.
So, until relief arrives, I need us all to think creatively.
Ventilators are our last resort.
Put them on BiPAP, the hyperbaric chamber, uh, proning.
Let's exhaust all options first.
So, if you extubate Meredith
and she starts to trend downward again,
we may not have another one available.
So let's not make the call to pull her off
until we are 100% certain.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
It's so beautiful.
I love it here.
Me, too.
Are you gonna stay?
I don't know.
I don't know the rules.
I don't think there are rules,
which is, um...
well, it takes some getting used to.
I was big on rules.
I actually, like...
I think I loved rules.
You totally did.
Mark!
You're early, killer.
What?
Too early.
Your oldest is Sofia's age?
I promise you, it's too early.
I don't know how to get back.
I keep seeing Derek, and he won't help me get back
or come close enough to touch.
It's not up to him. It's up to you.
What do you mean?
The sand isn't real, Meredith.
I wish everybody would stop saying that to me.
? Rain, rain, go away
? Come again another day
So, you two are together?
? Rain, rain, go away
On your beach? Looks like we are.
Ah!
? Come what may come my way
Stop it!
- Get away! Run away! Quick, quick! - Whoo!
Yes!
I like it here.
Alive and well. Sorry to disappoint.
- You heard about the vents? - I did.
So you know if we pull Grey's tube
too soon, we don't have...
I heard about the vents, Tom.
...to Nuclear Medicine.
Dr. Sellers to Nuclear Medicine.
- Hi! - Hey.
- Leo threw up on the way over here. - Oh, no!
Do you have a shirt that I can borrow?
- Yeah, come on in. - Thank you.
- Okay. - Okay.
Hey, Leo, come this way with me.
Here, let me take off this jacket.
Let me just sit down for a sec.
- Yeah, he gets carsick. - Okay.
He once puked on my op notes for a glioblastoma.
You know, Ellis really wants to show you
what she's working on in the playroom.
Do you want to go see her? She's right there. Look.
Go say hi. Okay, bye-bye.
If you had told me two years ago
that you and I would be excited
to spend the afternoon together with six small children...
I know that Owen asked you to babysit me.
You don't have to put on a show.
Both things can be true.
I need company.
We can have tea and discuss life pre-pandemic,
and we don't have to be covered in puke alone for an afternoon.
It's great.
I just told Liam and Austin not to worry.
Please tell me I wasn't lying.
You know it's probably minor, right?
It's not that.
I mean, it is that, but...
Irene insisted on moving down here when the pandemic started,
and we drive each other mad.
We do.
But I'd be lost without her.
You're trying to make me cry.
Don't go getting a big head in there, now.
Hm.
Kidney stone, like I thought.
In the right ureter.
It's big, so we should get urology to weigh in.
Is Catherine Fox here today?
For a kidney stone?
My boys already lost their mother.
Irene's her sister and the only family they have left.
So, yes, I want the best.
Nurse Hydren to the OR. Nurse Hydren to the OR.
Well, there he is.
This is happening?
It is definitely happening.
I hope this wasn't a bad time.
I abandoned a play date, and I need a calendar
to remember the last time I operated.
So, definitely not a bad time.
How severe is it?
See for yourself.
Crosswalks, am I right?
Okay, folks, let's get the OR ready
with the ex-fix set and the C-arm.
- Let's fix this bad boy. - Mm.
And, Dr. Webber?
Thank you so much.
Sorry to keep paging you, Dr. Pierce,
but her breathing is becoming more labored by the hour.
Let's consider BiPAP if she continues to decompensate.
But it may be time to consider next steps.
There's no directive.
Marcella says that her daughter
will be making all decisions for her.
Then...
it's time to call her.
Hi. Who's calling?
Jackson?
Maggie, over here.
Rig brought her in about half an hour ago.
Hey, Dr. Pierce.
Dr. Fox, thank for coming in.
I know how busy you must be, so I appreciate you being here.
I told you not to give me special treatment.
Did you pull strings?
He pulled the biggest one.
I sign his checks.
Dr. Wilson?
Irene Davis, 35, nephrolithiasis with a history of MS.
- These are her scans and a CT. - Mm. Mm-hmm.
They say it's kidney stones.
Which is apparently my fault.
I did not say that.
She gets some very strong teas from her acupuncturist
to help manage her MS pain.
You got to drink a lot of water to flush those out.
- Which she knows. - Which she usually does.
So, this stone is apparently lodged in your ureter.
That's the tube between your kidney and your bladder.
I'm going to have to perform a lithotripsy...
That's a procedure with a tiny, tiny laser
that breaks it down into smaller pieces.
Broken into pieces?
That's what killed my sister.
No, this is nothing like the morcellator, Irene.
If it was, I wouldn't let it anywhere near you.
- So it's safe? - Completely routine.
Takes about 45 minutes, in typical cases.
I have MS. Am I still a typical case?
No.
Because you have me for your doctor.
See you in the OR.
Another screw, please.
Everything okay?
- Yes. - Mm-hmm.
- I just wanted to enjoy the moment. - Mm-hmm.
Lord knows when it'll happen again.
After this, we'll secure the frame.
You'd never know you didn't do three of these this morning.
Well, I didn't.
But I did change three diapers.
One was what Amelia has dubbed
the "poo-tastrophe."
That's when the poo actually kind of explodes
out of the diaper and hits the wall.
Got it. That is impolite adult conversation.
- Sorry, I rarely get to talk to adults. - Mm.
Wait. What happened?
Heart rate's in the 120s and his sats are dropping.
- He could have thrown a fat embolism. - Oh, come on!
A-Alright, push fluids,
and let's get him packed up for a CTA.
Did you call your mom?
I did, and she was at a grocery store,
which I have asked her not to go to
at least a hundred times.
She's stubborn, like you.
Marcella?
Marcella, Veronica's just been admitted to the hospital.
No. No.
She was mild.
I know.
But her symptoms became more pronounced.
Use your time with her, not me.
Marcella, you need care, too.
I don't care about me!
Save my baby girl!
Okay. Come on.
But my mom's still alive.
She is, but she isn't improving.
Veronica, we need to know whether your mom would want
- a machine to breathe for her if she... - No, no. She wants to live.
So instead of scaring the hell out of me,
can you go and concentrate on that?
Do whatever you can to save her.
Maybe now's not the best time, Maggie.
It may be the only time.
This is my fault.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Her sats are in the 80s. I'm gonna increase the O2.
This is my fault.
All of this.
I-It was her birthday, and...
and she'd...
She'd been alone so long,
so I went over to her house to... to cook for her.
We wore masks and we ate outside
and w-we... we tried to stay distanced,
but it was her birthday, and she's my mom,
so I gave her a hug.
I just gave her one hug.
And I might have killed her.
I killed my mom.
No, no, no, no. Listen to me.
Listen to me.
This is not your fault, okay?
And I promise you, your mom will never regret that hug.
Never.
Okay?
And, listen, my daughter's a doctor here, too.
And she's with your mom right now,
and she's taking care of her, okay?
It's okay.
Down that hallway is PACU.
That's recovery.
This is a supply closet.
- Nice. - Here we have someone's office.
You're an incredible tour guide.
Well, not much to see in a pandemic.
Is she here today, or are you keeping me from her?
- She? Who's she? - Come on, Mac.
The boys tell me everything.
Said you've been talking about somebody that you work with,
a general surgeon?
I work with several general surgeons.
Oh, okay.
Do you smile when you talk about all of them?
I'd like to meet her.
Yeah, well, you can't.
Why?
'Cause she's on a breathing tube in the ICU.
Mac...
again?
I'll, uh...
check in on you after the procedure.
Yeah, okay.
Well, he's stable,
but with that large of an embolism,
he's gonna have to stay on the vent
for at least a few days.
This never should have happened!
I know I'm a little rusty,
and I probably shouldn't have been talking
about exploding diapers, but...
No, I am not angry at you, Lincoln.
This was a... a complication.
I mean, there's nothing
you could or should have done better.
I'm just angry with this whole situation!
I mean, saving this young man's life
means we're down to one available vent!
Which now means I have to close the doors to our trauma!
Which means people will die unnecessarily!
Even more people will die.
We're closing to trauma?
Looks like it.
? _
Okay.
Cristina.
? _
This is nice...
just being able to talk to you.
What do you mean?
Well, I spend a fair amount of time
trying to talk to people.
Sofia, Callie, Arizona.
I try to warn them sometimes.
Warn them about what?
I can't let go.
When you have a little kid like that...
hard to let go.
So I hang out, watch her grow up.
Sometimes I see something coming.
- Like the divorce? - Yep.
I stand beside them. I yell in their ears, "Wake up!"
"Wake up! You're missing it!
You're missing the best part of life!"
When you love someone, you tell them.
And then w-what do they do when you yell in their ears?
Well, sometimes they listen. Sometimes they hear me.
I never get the credit, though.
They think it's their own idea.
She looks so much like you.
Ellis?
Everybody says she looks like Meredith.
Yeah, she does, but also weirdly just like you.
You really are sisters.
I'm not gonna ask.
You can. I just... I don't know anything.
And Richard won't even let me near the hospital
or any of the charts.
Well, that's because you need a break,
not because you did anything wrong.
DeLuca was not your fault.
We all lost him.
That grief belongs to all of us,
and it might...
be easier if you learn to share that.
Is there a recovery program for people who trash their lives
and can't blame drugs, so that I can get some of that
sweet program zen master stuff you have?
You don't have to be an addict...
It's called therapy.
Hmm.
How many sessions until Owen feels safe
to leave me alone with the kids?
I tried therapy. It makes me uncomfortable.
Mammograms make us uncomfortable,
but we still get them.
Yeah, the man stared at me and nodded
and grunted on every fourth word.
I counted the grunts.
It was an... an expensive kind of torture.
So, when the first therapist you tried
was clearly the wrong fit, did you...
try another one?
You know I was just being nice
when I said Ellis looked like you.
Now we're both right side up.
How'd the mom take it?
How do you think?
Is it just me, or did this job used to be fun?
Like, not even 10 years ago. Like, very recently, fun.
This used to be the greatest job in the world.
Please tell me Veronica's okay.
Well, I'd hoped with oxygen therapy and antivirals,
we'd see a better response, but...
...that hasn't been the case.
Crap.
- I need you to get back in bed. - Take me back. Take me back.
- I know, baby. I know. - Ortiz, what the hell?
- Sweetheart. - No, no, no, no.
I found her halfway to the elevator, almost collapsed.
- Let's get you back in bed. - I need to...
- Alright. - I need to see my mom, please.
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - Okay.
- Please, I need to see my mom. - Okay.
We want to get you feeling better first,
then we can talk about visitation, okay?
No, no. Everyone here is dying,
and you guys have no clue how to save us,
so at least let me see my mom.
Let me say goodbye.
Before...
Veronica.
Veronica? Hey!
- Blood pressure's tanking. - Veronica?
I've got no pulse.
Alright, get me epi and a crash cart in here, now!
Okay.
I want to start compressions right away.
Okay, go, go, go.
Come on, Veronica.
- Come on, Veronica. - Here we go.
You're doing great, Marcella.
Stay positive.
If you can make it to Friday without needing a vent...
you're on your way.
You know, we're, um...
We're almost there, because it's...
? Hump Day ?
? What do you say? ?
? You look at the week and you say, "Half way!" ?
? Half what? Half way ?
? That's 'cause it's Hump Day ?
? The next thing you know, it's gonna be Friday ?
My mom gives me that exact same look
every time I do that rap.
Mnh-mnh. No, no, that is not rap.
Oh, God. She's decompensating.
I need a crash cart in here, now!
And someone page Dr. Pierce!
What? Are you sure you don't want to wait until the...
No! Her saturation levels are plummeting and...
Code Blue. Code Blue.
Oxygenate patient.
Uh, prep induction and paralytic agent.
Uh, ch-check, uh, pa... patent cuff.
Tube ready?
Code Blue. Code Blue.
You're in.
No. No!
Schmitt, what did you do?
She was desaturating. I had no choice.
Now, can we please get a ventilator in here?
Oh, my God.
There isn't one.
For fast Removing the last pieces of stone.
Stent?
Stent's gonna stay in place to ensure proper drainage.
You know, you have a really good touch, Wilson.
We don't have nearly enough women in urology.
Have you ever considered changing specialties?
Change specialties?
That would be just... No.
I... No.
Uh, n-no. No.
Mm.
Okay, all done here. Removing the scope.
Oh, my God. Is that...?
I have never seen this before,
only read about it in a textbook.
This is the patient's ureter.
Her tissues are so friable,
the scope pulled the whole damn thing out.
We're gonna have to open her up.
Prepare an ex lap!
Veronica's X-rays show worsening consolidations.
I put her on BiPAP.
Her oxygen levels keep decreasing.
She needs this vent. She needs to be in ICU.
Marcella is already intubated.
Schmitt can't bag her forever.
Well...
Save the daughter.
Protocols say you have to save the patient
most likely to recover.
- We know. - Yeah, we know.
If she wakes up and finds out we chose her over her mother,
she's not gonna be able to forgive herself.
Marcella's last words to me were, "Save my baby girl."
Put Veronica on the vent.
Before somebody else takes it.
How in the hell does her ureter come out with a kidney stone?
We will try to reattach it to her bladder
without having to remove the kidney.
Irene is everything to my boys, Wilson.
I mean, everything.
She's always been their aunt, but now she's their teacher,
their football coach, their... their therapist,
their best bloody friend.
I-I can't believe this.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
I cannot do this again.
I cannot look at my boys, who've already lost everything,
and tell them that they've lost her, too.
- I cannot... I cannot do that. - Okay, okay. Stop. Stop.
This is...
This is not a catastrophe, this is a complication.
Then what in the hell are you still doing here?
Get in there and bloody fix her.
We've reached out to every hospital in Washington.
I never imagined...
I know.
Schmitt, you did the right thing.
Another vent will come.
It has to, right?
Have a nice lunch?
I was updating Dr. Hayes.
You had to take the kidney?
The remaining piece of the ureter wasn't long enough
to do a simple reattachment.
But Irene has MS.
She could have bladder issues in the future,
which would be much more complicated
with just one kidney.
Why would she only have one kidney?
- What? - I'm putting it back, Wilson!
You're doing an auto-transplant?
I am trying to!
It'd be a lot easier if I had a second pair of hands.
- Are you coming or not? - Yes. Yes.
Irrigation.
Child, who throws away a kidney?
Lord.
Dr. Sikes to Recovery.
- Dr. Sikes to Recovery. - Thanks.
If she keeps breathing over the vent consistently,
we should be able to take her off it soon.
That's good to hear.
Be a shame if someone like me got to walk away
while someone like her...
I'll, uh... I'll get out of your way.
Hey, Tom?
When I got back from Iraq, I, uh...
I remember thinking,
"Why do I get to keep working?
Why do I get to cook dinner?
Swim in a lake?
Fall in love?"
It's a terrible feeling.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Even me?
Tell me your favorite thing.
About what?
About life. Life right now.
There's a global pandemic.
That is your favorite thing?
No. I just meant that I don't...
Oh, okay.
You're saying that the pandemic...
No, it just feels very shallow
to talk about my favorite things
when there's people dying in record numbers.
Oh, yeah. Okay. Alright.
Well, that's... That's stupid.
Excuse me?
You're saying that you're not allowed to enjoy your life
because people are dying in record numbers?
That makes exactly zero sense.
If the having of a life and a body
isn't cause for celebration,
then what's the point of avoiding death?
I mean, just... if you're not gonna enjoy it,
then you might as well join them.
Bailey just had a birthday and I asked him what he wanted,
and he said a whole cake, all to himself.
He did not want to share.
So, of course, I got him the cake.
And so, do you know what he did as soon as he got that cake?
What?
Faceplant.
Just planted his face smack in the middle of the cake.
And we laughed and laughed and laughed.
It was me and Zola and Ellis
and Maggie and Amelia and Link.
Zola laughed so hard, she peed her pants,
so then we had a laugh at that.
And then as we were laughing,
Bailey started licking the frosting off each finger
really slow and making a whole production out of it.
And I looked at him watching us laugh,
and I realized that that was the point.
That was his plan... he wanted to make us all laugh,
because the baby had been keeping us up all night
and the pandemic was all over the news,
and none of us were having any fun at all,
and nobody was laughing, and he wanted to make us laugh.
Yeah.
And that's what he wanted for his birthday.
And when I looked at him and I saw that light in his eyes,
he looked just like his dad.
That same sparkle.
That same delight.
That's a pretty good favorite thing.
If I'd known I was going to have to choose
whether to vent a mother or her daughter,
I would have quit med school.
If I'd seen a tenth of what I've seen these past few months,
I would have quit, too.
We shouldn't even be here.
How did we get here?
Let's quit.
Don't go back to Boston.
We've got each other. We've got our earbuds.
Let's just live while we can.
I'll go where you go.
But we both know you won't let yourself quit.
Take a break, okay?
I'll check on your patients.
We can share earbuds.
And...?
What if they can share a vent?
Tell Schmitt to keep bagging!
The machines are capable of delivering
much stronger pressure than any one patient needs.
And we just need to adapt the vents
to serve two patients at once
by using a T- or a Y-shaped splitter on the airflow tube.
And we're using viral filters to prevent cross-contamination
of particles between patients.
All of this was Pierce's idea.
It's not ideal, but it buys us some time
until we get some reinforcements.
Yes!
- Hey! - Hey, hey!
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh-uh.
Richard, you okay?
I am so good. I just have to dance
because you all doubled the amount of vents
we have in the hospital.
I have to dance because we can now open the doors to trauma,
and you have to dance because you just got a raise.
Oh, hey!
Oh! I'll dance to that.
Keep an eye on their vitals and get labs every hour.
Page me for any change, no matter how small.
Mom...
Come here, mamita.
I know.
It's okay.
It's alright, baby.
I know.
Your vitals look good, and you are making urine.
One of my party tricks.
You'll be able to go home in three days
if your pain's under control.
Wilson?
Thank you.
For, um...
Just thank you.
Okay.
She single?
- Who... Wilson? - Yeah.
I don't know. Why? You trying to set me up?
I was hoping you could set me up.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, she did have my kidney in her hands.
It doesn't get more intimate than that.
- Uh-huh. - Have you checked on the boys?
Austin's supposed to be reading "Animal Farm,"
and I'm worried he hasn't made it past page 50.
Page 50?
We'll be lucky if he's even opened the book.
Her lungs are clear.
Her ABGs are showing improved oxygenation,
and she's passed her SBTs.
Her vitals are normalized.
Okay.
Prepare to extubate.
Suction, please.
Okay, here we go.
So, life is pain, right?
Life is pain, and somehow that's the point?
- No. - No.
I lost you both.
I lost George.
I lost my parents, and even before my parents died...
They caused you a lot of pain.
So much grief. So much loss.
So much pain.
Yes.
Yeah, but what's the thing that caused the pain?
I hate this.
Hate what?
You knowing things that I don't.
What's the thing that caused the pain?
I know it, I just don't want to say it.
Stubborn as you ever were.
The depth of grief that you felt with all the losses...
It's because of the depth of love.
As long as you're alive, you get to feel it
and you get to do something about it.
Everything changes all the time when you're alive,
and all the time, you fight the change.
You cling onto what you have and what you know
like that's how it should always be.
It's such a waste of life.
Right?
What's a waste?
Fighting change.
Resisting pain.
I miss you both so much.
That's kind of a waste of time, too.
Why?
Because we never left you.
Sometimes we're right next to you, yelling in your ear.
Don't waste it, Meredith.
Waste what?
Don't waste one single minute.
The first minute in a baby's life is the most terrifying.
In that minute, a million tiny air sacs
have to perfectly open and fill with air.
Whoo!
It's a pretty traumatizing way of entering the real world.
This is the first day
in I don't know how long...
...that I actually liked my job again.
I felt inspired.
You were inspired.
By you.
Well, by my earbuds.
No, by us.
By these moments of... Of joy and connection
that we've managed to carve out.
I would not have had that idea without you, Winston.
That life-saving idea, it came from us.
And I know that Boston needs you,
and I know that I'm being selfish
when I say how miserable I'm going to be if you go.
What are you doing?
Um...
I thought...
we could listen to something before I leave.
I'm trying to tell you I don't want you to leave.
I know, but I-I think you might really like this song.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Winston.
I still have my loose ends to tie up back home.
So you have an out, if you want one.
But I hope to God you don't.
I hope you say yes...
...because I can't imagine life without you anymore.
And I don't ever want to try.
Margaret Pierce...
...will you marry me?
In that minute, your whole world stops.
Is that a yes?
Yes. It's a yes.
Whoo!
It's as if time stands still.
Well, today ended a lot better than it started.
Your mom is so scary.
What? Why would you bring up my mom
while we're laying here naked?
What's wrong with you?
Come here.
And if I'm being honest, that minute is pure hell.
Ahh! Look what I caught in the laundry room
when I was scrubbing down.
I caught myself a Leofish!
Hey, Zola.
We, um...
We took your mom off the ventilator today,
and she's breathing on her own.
Yes! Thank God!
Bailey! Ellis! Scout!
Hope that was alright.
That's fine. This is amazing.
Oh, my God. Thank you!
But fortunately, most of the time,
the crying starts, the baby's okay...
Don't thank me. Thank...
Thank Teddy.
She, uh... She's the one who never gave up.
She stayed with her night after night.
I just... I just did what the numbers told me.
...and the rest of us in the room
can finally breathe again.
CREDITS