1 00:00:05,956 --> 00:00:08,109 Previously on "Resident Alien"... 2 00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:09,873 I think this alien's here to kill everybody. 3 00:00:09,898 --> 00:00:13,248 You will help me find my device. 4 00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:15,319 That's on the glacier. You can't go there. 5 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,452 Harry, don't go! It's too dangerous. 6 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,541 - Not for me. - Harry! 7 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,054 You have kids? 8 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:22,484 We have a little boy named Max. 9 00:00:22,509 --> 00:00:23,398 Max. 10 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,203 You should take my number. Call anytime. 11 00:00:25,297 --> 00:00:28,242 When I find my device, I can finally kill them all. 12 00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:29,195 Harry! 13 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,524 Don't move. 14 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:37,140 I am what your people call an extraterrestrial. 15 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,234 - An alien. - Oh, I feel nauseous. 16 00:00:40,359 --> 00:00:42,498 You earn respect through your actions, Deputy. 17 00:00:42,523 --> 00:00:44,006 Did you make your own murder board? 18 00:00:44,031 --> 00:00:46,076 Toxicology results. Sam was poisoned. 19 00:00:46,101 --> 00:00:48,139 You don't respect me, and you never have. 20 00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:49,539 I quit! 21 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,361 I'm not quitting. I'm gonna get us out of here. 22 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:56,037 - Tell me how to help you. - My leg. 23 00:00:56,062 --> 00:00:59,102 I will die if you don't chop it off. 24 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,607 Okay, look at me. I won't let you die. 25 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,893 Do my feet look like watermelons? 26 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,272 'Cause they feel like it. 27 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:12,420 - The sexiest watermelons I've ever seen. - _ 28 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:16,163 Still so much to do before"Jack" or "Joanie" comes. 29 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:19,122 We need crib sheets and burp cloths. 30 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,037 Couples massage.- 31 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:21,948 So... 32 00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:25,995 where do we stand on baby food? 33 00:01:26,135 --> 00:01:29,263 Jarred or homemade? 34 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:30,762 I don't know. I read somewhere homemade 35 00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,267 doesn't keep as well. A little too lumpy. 36 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,356 Plus, I've tried baby applesauce, 37 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,488 and it's freakin' delicious. 38 00:01:41,173 --> 00:01:42,604 What's happening? 39 00:01:48,377 --> 00:01:49,940 I don't know. 40 00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,150 Oh, my God. 41 00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,468 Honey! 42 00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:13,826 Honey. 43 00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:15,725 The baby. 44 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:39,890 You saw that, right? 45 00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:02,677 CREDITS 46 00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:04,836 I'm dead. 47 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,231 But if I'm dead, why do I feel so warm and squishy 48 00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,190 like I'm being hugged by a cloud? 49 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:11,582 Oh, no. 50 00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,541 This must be the afterlife. 51 00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,326 I'm in human heaven. 52 00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,589 It makes me want to kill myself. 53 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:21,505 I see the morphine is still working. 54 00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,464 What are you doing here? 55 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,901 Why does the afterlife 56 00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:28,860 look like a crappy cabin? 57 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:30,253 Are you dead too? 58 00:03:30,748 --> 00:03:33,530 I didn't want to leave you alone after what you'd been through. 59 00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:35,147 Come on. 60 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,529 You need to eat just so you can get your strength back. 61 00:03:45,103 --> 00:03:48,846 Now I know why you have 17 gallons of milk in your fridge. 62 00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:53,133 Okay, I need to change your dressing. 63 00:03:55,943 --> 00:03:57,585 I think we should, you know, 64 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,064 try to avoid suspicion. 65 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,241 So I started looking into getting you a prosthetic. 66 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:05,114 I know... what the freakin' hell is that? 67 00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,334 That is my leg. 68 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,249 It's regenerating. 69 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,692 How is that even possible? 70 00:04:11,717 --> 00:04:13,801 My people are descendants 71 00:04:13,826 --> 00:04:15,603 of octopuses. 72 00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:17,648 Soon it will grow longer, 73 00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:21,391 and then I will transformthe molecules into human shape. 74 00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:24,540 So you're telling me eventually that thing 75 00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,389 will look like that one? 76 00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:27,602 Yes. 77 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:30,959 Except for the mole and the hangnail. 78 00:04:30,984 --> 00:04:33,732 I chewed my toenaildown too low. 79 00:04:36,382 --> 00:04:38,472 You can go now. 80 00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,170 Excuse me? 81 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,762 I stayed up all night. 82 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,677 I got supplies. I dressed your wounds. 83 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:48,438 I cleaned you up, and this is how you thank me? 84 00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,246 I didn't ask you to stay. 85 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,943 Well, I did 86 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,468 'cause that's what humans do. 87 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,600 They take care of one another. 88 00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,950 You know, when some... I'm sorry, 89 00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,725 I can't take you seriously with that thing. 90 00:05:00,803 --> 00:05:02,979 What is wrong with it? It's perfectly normal. 91 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,043 Jesus, can you just 92 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,459 put a sock on it? 93 00:05:07,342 --> 00:05:08,735 It likes the fresh air. 94 00:05:08,786 --> 00:05:11,800 Also, it's not a thing. It is a leg. 95 00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,740 You are leg-shaming me. 96 00:05:17,052 --> 00:05:18,880 Be careful with that. 97 00:05:19,513 --> 00:05:20,248 No. 98 00:05:20,452 --> 00:05:21,694 Please be careful. 99 00:05:21,795 --> 00:05:24,324 Do not press the black button. 100 00:05:24,374 --> 00:05:27,899 I'm not ready to radiomy people yet. 101 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,807 This black button? 102 00:05:30,505 --> 00:05:31,982 Asta. 103 00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:35,701 - Say thank you. - Thank you. 104 00:05:40,435 --> 00:05:42,178 Thank you. 105 00:05:49,369 --> 00:05:50,849 You're welcome. 106 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,398 Please do not move. 107 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,487 I'm going to work, and I'll be back later. 108 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,402 If all goes as planned, 109 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,975 there won't be a "later." 110 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,107 Yes. 111 00:06:04,584 --> 00:06:05,678 Later. 112 00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:22,057 Shit! 113 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,170 I knew it. 114 00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:34,730 Why are you ignoring my calls? 115 00:06:36,803 --> 00:06:38,154 I'm sorry. 116 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:39,966 I've just been so busy. 117 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:44,334 'Cause last night, you sent me inside to get help, 118 00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:46,449 and when I came back out, you and Harry were gone, so... 119 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,451 Yeah, uh, sorry. Harry was in bad shape. 120 00:06:48,503 --> 00:06:50,461 And I realized`we didn't have an MRI machine. 121 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,455 So I took him to the hospitalin Braddock. 122 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,716 What? 123 00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:58,405 I know you too well. 124 00:06:58,982 --> 00:07:00,245 You're lying. 125 00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,467 I am not.- 126 00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:04,139 Yeah, you are. 127 00:07:04,209 --> 00:07:05,440 You have a tell. 128 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,904 Oh, really? What's my tell? 129 00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:09,145 Well, I can't tell you because then you'd know 130 00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:10,817 what the tell is and you'd hide the tell from me, 131 00:07:10,842 --> 00:07:12,404 and I wouldn't be able to tell. It's like... 132 00:07:12,429 --> 00:07:14,192 Wow, you ever thought about working for the CIA? 133 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,261 Yeah, actually, I'm waiting to hear back. 134 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,693 Hey, Asta. 135 00:07:17,718 --> 00:07:20,878 The doctor had me call Braddock to follow up on Harry's MRI. 136 00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:23,503 But they have no record of it. 137 00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:27,098 That's a mistake. So I'll take care of it. 138 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,393 Thank you. 139 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,234 Why is she staring at you like that? 140 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:35,367 What did you do? 141 00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:36,867 Don't you have better things to do, Ellen? 142 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,501 Maybe unpack the shipment of catheters 143 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:39,720 that came in this morning? 144 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,722 Oh, right. The fun stuff. 145 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:48,250 Got my eye on you, Twelvetrees. 146 00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,568 The power source is damaged. 147 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,179 Built to provide energy for 5,000 years 148 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,050 but apparently not built to withstand 149 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:08,313 an unprotected fall into a crevasse. 150 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,316 Certain alien races implant tiny transmitters 151 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,971 into human beings to monitor their activity. 152 00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:15,756 If I can find one of those, 153 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:18,742 I can reverse engineer it to reboot my device. 154 00:08:30,598 --> 00:08:31,730 Yeah. 155 00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:35,394 I heard you fell down a crevasse. 156 00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,517 Did you find your radio? 157 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:40,476 My radio is broken. 158 00:08:40,930 --> 00:08:42,061 I'm trying to fix it. 159 00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:43,740 Well, maybe I can help. 160 00:08:44,735 --> 00:08:46,351 Is this it? 161 00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:47,687 Don't touch that. 162 00:08:49,227 --> 00:08:50,539 You need... 163 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,836 To leave. 164 00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:55,274 At least you're okay. 165 00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:59,234 If Asta wasn't there, 166 00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,888 I would be dead. 167 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,630 Except now she knows the truth about me. 168 00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,153 You told her?! 169 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:08,140 I thought this whole alien thing was just our secret. 170 00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:10,445 It stopped being a secret 171 00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:13,422 when you told your little friend over there 172 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,858 in the head covering. 173 00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,447 She must have followed me. 174 00:09:16,565 --> 00:09:19,002 Don't worry. She's not gonna tell anyone. 175 00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:21,127 She swore to Allah. 176 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,388 Allah knows?! 177 00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:25,517 How many people have you told? 178 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,396 Are you trying to cut me out? 179 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,703 'Cause if it wasn't for me, you'd be in Georgia by now. 180 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,576 I made this truce happen. I want in. 181 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:37,925 You are so pushy. 182 00:09:39,733 --> 00:09:43,207 Looks like aliens are also put off by strong women. 183 00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,880 Get used to it. We're not going anywhere. 184 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:50,328 What are you hiding under there? 185 00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,374 I covered it for a reason. 186 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,681 It's his radio so he can contact his people. 187 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,193 But it's broken. So he's trying to fix it. 188 00:09:57,708 --> 00:09:59,860 Why can't you just go home on your spaceship? 189 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,648 They took it, didn't they? 190 00:10:06,025 --> 00:10:07,658 How did you know that? 191 00:10:07,713 --> 00:10:10,566 Must be the government. That means they're after you. 192 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,481 It could be any of the agencies. 193 00:10:12,515 --> 00:10:15,040 But it's probably "Men in Black." 194 00:10:15,135 --> 00:10:16,964 It's a top-secret agency 195 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,793 that monitors alien activity on Earth. 196 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,795 But they don't always wear black, 197 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,629 and they're not only men. 198 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:28,062 Then why do they call them "Men in Black"? 199 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,718 Because it's cooler than calling them "People in Clothes." 200 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,285 It's pretty obvious. 201 00:10:34,537 --> 00:10:35,998 I'm not worried. 202 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,372 Once I fix my... 203 00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,840 radio... 204 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,946 they won't be a problem. 205 00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:44,425 I'm just missing a part. 206 00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:45,775 Have you tried the hardware store? 207 00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,211 They have everything. 208 00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:50,040 My dad even bought a pair of pajamas there. 209 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,783 Unless you know someone who has been in contact 210 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,478 with other aliens, then I'm... 211 00:10:55,503 --> 00:10:57,267 What is the expression? 212 00:10:58,235 --> 00:11:00,009 "Shit out of luck." 213 00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:03,793 If you don't stop using that kind of language around us, 214 00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:05,797 we're gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap. 215 00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:07,375 Go ahead. I like soap. 216 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,929 I eat it all the time. 217 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:11,671 Shit, ass, piss, dink. 218 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,803 Where is the soap? I'm so hungry. 219 00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:19,748 Wait, I know where you can go to find alien stuff. 220 00:11:31,394 --> 00:11:33,143 Hey! Where are you going? 221 00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:37,435 I need to go pick up a missing piece for my radio. 222 00:11:37,761 --> 00:11:38,525 No. 223 00:11:38,550 --> 00:11:40,840 You are not driving with one leg. 224 00:11:44,113 --> 00:11:45,530 Your leg grew back. 225 00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,660 Just like I said it would. 226 00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:51,348 Now I have got to go. 227 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:53,627 Okay. 228 00:11:53,652 --> 00:11:55,802 Even as a pretend doctor, you have to know 229 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,717 that the medication still stays in your system. 230 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,720 I just took more. I'll be fine. 231 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,552 Which one is my truck? 232 00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:09,250 Okay. 233 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,426 Give me these. 234 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,853 I will drive you. 235 00:12:13,804 --> 00:12:15,150 Where are we going? 236 00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:18,720 - _ - Wow. We're really gonna do this. 237 00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:25,403 Are they supposed to be me? 238 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:29,139 My people are not a costume. 239 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,273 Welcome to my life. 240 00:12:35,616 --> 00:12:38,343 - _ - Oh, this is gonna be fun. 241 00:12:46,816 --> 00:12:50,101 Kind of cool that I'm here with an actual alien. 242 00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:51,683 I feel special. 243 00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:54,599 You're not special. You're common. 244 00:12:54,642 --> 00:12:57,864 That's oddly less offensive now that I know you're from outer space. 245 00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:00,736 Here you go. 246 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,955 Thank you. 247 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:06,568 Okay. So what now? 248 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,356 Our ancestors had teachers. 249 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,621 The engineering knowledge came from the extraterrestrials. 250 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,406 Finally, a little credit. 251 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,495 I like this high-haired gentleman. 252 00:13:24,112 --> 00:13:25,690 _ 253 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,679 The Moon landing was a sham. 254 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:33,595 It was all filmed on a soundstage by Kubrick. 255 00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:36,528 The astronauts did land on the Moon. 256 00:13:36,614 --> 00:13:37,372 Good. 257 00:13:37,397 --> 00:13:40,872 And their bodies were taken over before they returned. 258 00:13:40,966 --> 00:13:41,903 What? 259 00:13:42,270 --> 00:13:44,968 - _ - And we find evidence of this all around the world. 260 00:13:44,993 --> 00:13:47,783 Mayans, everyone talks about their calendar, 261 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,742 but they never gave credit for their day planner. 262 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,658 - We have the Grays. - Insidious assholes. 263 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:57,014 - The Arcturians. - Jerks, so cheap. 264 00:13:57,039 --> 00:13:58,078 Little Green Men. 265 00:13:58,103 --> 00:14:01,641 They are cute, but they so know it. 266 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,186 - The Mantis. - One of them owes me money. 267 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:07,422 And the Blue Avians. 268 00:14:08,445 --> 00:14:10,073 They're actually very nice. 269 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,012 Well, don't you two look cozy? 270 00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,492 Hello... 271 00:14:26,182 --> 00:14:27,344 Sheriff. 272 00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,738 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 273 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:32,654 Well, I don't know. 274 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,580 Do you have anything you want to say to me? 275 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,970 In that case, yes. 276 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,009 Have a good day. 277 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,782 Goodbye, Lewis. I'll see you on Thursday. 278 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,110 Thursday. 279 00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:50,324 What's Thursday? 280 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,148 We're having lunch. 281 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,279 She's sitting here probably trash-talking me, 282 00:14:54,304 --> 00:14:55,602 and you buying her lunch? 283 00:14:55,953 --> 00:14:57,406 I see how it is. 284 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,159 She didn't say anything. 285 00:14:59,411 --> 00:15:01,520 In fact, she mostly listened. 286 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,512 You could use that. 287 00:15:04,301 --> 00:15:05,761 What is that supposed to mean? 288 00:15:05,786 --> 00:15:09,017 Your relationship with Liv reminds me of me and your mom 289 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,739 before she up and left me. 290 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,733 You mean when she died? 291 00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:14,422 I'll never forgive her for that. 292 00:15:14,516 --> 00:15:17,656 Your mother was sharp. She always challenged me. 293 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,353 When I messed up, 294 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,789 she wouldn't let me off the hook 295 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,834 until I took steps to fix it. 296 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,490 You might want to think about that one. 297 00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:29,145 Order me a burger. Be right back. 298 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,671 Hey, hey, hey. Dad, Dad. 299 00:15:32,696 --> 00:15:35,369 Hey, hey! It's okay to ask for help. 300 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,221 Look who's talking. 301 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:12,406 Sam's toxicology results are in. 302 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,278 Botulinum Toxin A levels are through the roof. 303 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,133 Sam was poisoned. 304 00:16:17,697 --> 00:16:21,003 Maybe with insulin as the method of delivery, 305 00:16:21,028 --> 00:16:24,120 all he or she would need to do is inject the toxin 306 00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:26,458 into a single insulin vial 307 00:16:26,721 --> 00:16:29,724 and wait for Sam to use it. 308 00:16:31,014 --> 00:16:32,287 _ 309 00:16:33,132 --> 00:16:34,312 _ 310 00:16:35,682 --> 00:16:38,154 Son of a bitch. 311 00:16:48,190 --> 00:16:50,180 _ 312 00:16:52,183 --> 00:16:53,639 Hey, Sheriff, have a seat. 313 00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,478 I'll be with you in about ten. 314 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,984 Yeah, well, I ain't here on grooming business. 315 00:16:58,009 --> 00:17:00,220 I'm here on official sheriff's business. 316 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,064 I see you do Botox injections. 317 00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,159 Yeah. 318 00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:06,597 You'll need about 20 units for that furrowed brow. 319 00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,114 Well, I got news for you. 320 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,737 I like to furrow, and I like the lines. 321 00:17:10,993 --> 00:17:14,190 Abigail Hodges, you're under the arrest for the murder of Sam Hodges. 322 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,212 What?! What are you talking about? 323 00:17:16,237 --> 00:17:17,403 I'll tell you what I'm talking about. 324 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,168 You see, I went through your phone records, 325 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,604 and I found repeated calls, 326 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:22,606 and I mean a shit ton of them, to one number. 327 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,253 You know who it belonged to? 328 00:17:24,559 --> 00:17:26,077 Thomas Hoffman. 329 00:17:26,818 --> 00:17:27,993 Okay, fine. 330 00:17:28,018 --> 00:17:29,265 We are casually seeing each other. 331 00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:31,156 But are you gonna arrest me for having a social life? 332 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,268 Can't a widow move on? 333 00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,724 Well, of course, a widow can move on. 334 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,793 The only problem is those calls... 335 00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:38,240 They started way before Sam died. 336 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,600 You see, I think you wanted to get rid of Sam 337 00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:41,879 'cause you was having an affair. 338 00:17:41,904 --> 00:17:42,800 That's motive. 339 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,076 Oh, now just hang on... 340 00:17:44,101 --> 00:17:46,115 All you needed was high levels of botulism, 341 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,023 which you clearly had access to. 342 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,894 Then you took that poison, and you put it 343 00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,307 in Sam's insulin bottle. And then from there, 344 00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,363 it was a ticking timebomb just waiting to go off. 345 00:17:53,388 --> 00:17:54,566 - No, just... - And it finally did. 346 00:17:54,591 --> 00:17:56,082 - Turn around and put your hands behind your back. - Sheriff. 347 00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:58,326 Turn around. You have the right to remain silent. 348 00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:01,123 Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. 349 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,864 You got the right to an attorney. 350 00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,344 If you cannot afford an attorney, 351 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,888 I'd be surprised because this salon is bangin'. 352 00:18:14,032 --> 00:18:17,578 What is it you're looking for at an alien experiencer panel? 353 00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:20,055 I'll know when I see it. 354 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:30,264 Thank you. 355 00:18:30,289 --> 00:18:32,740 Hi, I'm Peter Bach. 356 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,026 Most of you know me from my podcast 357 00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:37,159 as "The Alien Tracker." 358 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,205 I have spent 15 years 359 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:42,512 working at the Carl Sagan Center at SETI. 360 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,297 I've been a government consultant. 361 00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:47,103 And if you've read my books, you'll know I possess 362 00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:49,737 a special skill set that makes aliens fear me. 363 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:52,914 And, of course, I had my own encounter, 364 00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:54,358 which was, 365 00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:55,826 well, 366 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,514 terrifying to say the least. 367 00:18:58,857 --> 00:19:03,098 So it's my honest belief that aliens walk amongst us. 368 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,883 And my mission has become to find aliens, 369 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:07,929 to trap them, 370 00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:10,192 and, well... 371 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,571 One shot of this... 372 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,420 10,000 volts, I can knock out an elephant. 373 00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:23,727 You okay? 374 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,185 Yes. 375 00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:27,470 I'm not an elephant. 376 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:30,386 I also found that talking about my encounter 377 00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,870 helped me feel a sense of control. 378 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:36,218 And I'd like you to think of this as a safe forum 379 00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,934 where you can do the same. 380 00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,961 So please, come on up 381 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,299 and share with the room 382 00:19:42,324 --> 00:19:43,637 with no judgment, 383 00:19:44,152 --> 00:19:46,067 so we can all hear about your experiences. 384 00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:51,385 I was driving home late one night 385 00:19:51,737 --> 00:19:54,149 when this blue light 386 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,412 beamed through the roof of my car. 387 00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,719 I woke with these triangular cuts... 388 00:19:58,762 --> 00:20:00,111 I was paralyzed. 389 00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,766 And lesions on my stomach and across my back. 390 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,464 It was horrible. 391 00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,684 It's etched on my brain forever. 392 00:20:07,743 --> 00:20:10,046 They strapped me to this... 393 00:20:10,538 --> 00:20:13,429 cold, hard metal surface. 394 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,083 - They're monsters. - And... 395 00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:16,432 And they are here to kill us. 396 00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:20,219 Took this long tubular rod 397 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,511 and they put it in... 398 00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:25,964 In my... 399 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:31,964 He was going to say his asshole. 400 00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,320 One night, a few months ago, 401 00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:37,284 my ex-husband and I were fighting, 402 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,543 which is sort of a usual thing for us. 403 00:20:42,786 --> 00:20:46,288 I finally decided I'd had enough, so I ran out, 404 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,290 but I wasn't sure 405 00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,684 if I was doing the right thing. 406 00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,981 And then I saw it. 407 00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:58,169 It was... a fire in the sky, 408 00:20:59,030 --> 00:21:00,902 like a guiding light. 409 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,085 It gave me strength. 410 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:07,726 Strength to move on and never look back. 411 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,400 Months later, I came into contact 412 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:14,795 with who I now know was the occupant of that UFO. 413 00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:19,078 Something about him made me feel safe 414 00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,759 and not alone. 415 00:21:24,195 --> 00:21:27,155 And I know that that's not what you all have experienced. 416 00:21:27,198 --> 00:21:29,331 But trust me, 417 00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:31,744 based on my encounter, 418 00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:34,378 I don't think they're monsters. 419 00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,906 I think some of them are here to do good. 420 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:46,252 Nope! 421 00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,310 Abigail Hodges. 422 00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:53,312 - Who would have thought? - Ha. 423 00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:56,184 Well, congratulations on solving the case. 424 00:21:56,227 --> 00:21:57,359 You must be happy. 425 00:21:57,670 --> 00:21:59,454 Yeah, well, you know, a man died. 426 00:21:59,479 --> 00:22:01,121 So there really isn't very much to be happy about. 427 00:22:01,159 --> 00:22:02,143 Of course. 428 00:22:02,332 --> 00:22:03,541 I just meant... 429 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:08,109 Well, you did use up a lot of resources dragging the lake. 430 00:22:08,152 --> 00:22:10,271 Like, a tremendous amount actually 431 00:22:10,296 --> 00:22:12,766 that I'm still trying to justify to the town council. 432 00:22:13,161 --> 00:22:15,956 Probably can't afford to have Patience Family Day 433 00:22:15,981 --> 00:22:17,042 this year on the town green. 434 00:22:17,067 --> 00:22:19,784 But hey, you got to the bottom it. 435 00:22:19,809 --> 00:22:21,601 - Uh-huh. - That's what's important. 436 00:22:21,644 --> 00:22:23,056 Yeah, that's right. That's what's important. 437 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,254 Thank you. 438 00:22:26,134 --> 00:22:27,153 Okay. 439 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,032 Yeah. 440 00:22:38,630 --> 00:22:41,997 Hello to you, Jay. What can I get for you? 441 00:22:42,048 --> 00:22:44,660 We have a happy hour special on IPAs. 442 00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:46,787 Are you offering me a drink? 443 00:22:47,443 --> 00:22:48,699 I'm not even 18 yet. 444 00:22:48,724 --> 00:22:51,544 I meant to offer you a juice 445 00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:54,285 in an opaque mug. 446 00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:56,026 Well, actually, I just came in to ask 447 00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:57,985 if I could interview you for the school paper. 448 00:22:58,215 --> 00:23:00,870 Everyone in town is talking about the rescue. 449 00:23:02,816 --> 00:23:05,645 I'm so sick of people making a big deal about this. 450 00:23:05,688 --> 00:23:07,821 You don't have to put me on a pedestal. 451 00:23:07,864 --> 00:23:09,388 It won't take long, 452 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:11,061 and I'm only doing it for the extra credit. 453 00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:14,009 Well, in that case. 454 00:23:16,286 --> 00:23:17,308 Thanks. 455 00:23:17,352 --> 00:23:19,316 It's only a few questions. 456 00:23:20,137 --> 00:23:21,269 Ask away. 457 00:23:21,331 --> 00:23:22,253 All right. 458 00:23:23,723 --> 00:23:26,535 So you were an Olympic skier. 459 00:23:27,667 --> 00:23:30,191 What was it like to wipe out 460 00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:32,452 and lose in front of the whole world? 461 00:23:34,935 --> 00:23:36,197 Not awesome. 462 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,809 Would you consider yourself a fallen hero 463 00:23:39,853 --> 00:23:42,066 because you were a hero and then you fell? 464 00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:47,971 I don't know. 465 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:52,525 I thought this interview was supposed to be about the rescue thing. 466 00:23:52,561 --> 00:23:54,563 - I'm establishing background. - Cool. 467 00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:56,299 So what happened to your hand? 468 00:23:56,522 --> 00:23:57,653 Fractured it. 469 00:23:57,697 --> 00:23:59,990 First time I fell down the crevasse. 470 00:24:00,613 --> 00:24:02,263 You fell down a crevasse? 471 00:24:02,419 --> 00:24:03,248 Yeah. 472 00:24:03,662 --> 00:24:05,295 What did you think happened? 473 00:24:05,810 --> 00:24:08,990 I don't... I thought you were stuck on top of the mountain. 474 00:24:09,168 --> 00:24:11,318 You climbed out with your hand looking like that? 475 00:24:11,568 --> 00:24:13,498 Well, yeah. Kind of had to. 476 00:24:13,990 --> 00:24:15,541 I was 30 feet down. 477 00:24:15,584 --> 00:24:17,325 Asta and Harry were down even further. 478 00:24:17,368 --> 00:24:20,328 I knew any rescue effort would have to wait until the storm had passed, 479 00:24:20,371 --> 00:24:23,133 at which point, it would be too late 480 00:24:23,418 --> 00:24:26,305 as we would have all gone into hypothermia 481 00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,641 and be dead. 482 00:24:28,614 --> 00:24:29,963 Asta could have died? 483 00:24:32,253 --> 00:24:33,141 Yeah. 484 00:24:33,434 --> 00:24:34,741 She could have. 485 00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:37,766 I mean, we all could have died actually. 486 00:24:38,763 --> 00:24:39,982 We're pretty lucky. 487 00:24:42,219 --> 00:24:44,399 You know what, I, um, 488 00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:47,573 I think I'll take that juice in the opaque mug now. 489 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,727 You bitch, I almost lost you. 490 00:24:57,781 --> 00:24:59,086 I'm okay. 491 00:24:59,976 --> 00:25:01,369 I just feel like... 492 00:25:01,930 --> 00:25:03,763 You should probably, like, buy me a drink or something 493 00:25:03,806 --> 00:25:07,593 'cause I'm like... uh, my nerves are like fried eggs. 494 00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,247 We're gonna do two sodas. 495 00:25:10,729 --> 00:25:12,143 One with vodka. 496 00:25:12,293 --> 00:25:16,079 When I woke up, I had no idea where I was. 497 00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:18,745 I mean, one minute, I was in bed, 498 00:25:18,770 --> 00:25:21,951 and the next minute, I was lying in a ditch 499 00:25:21,976 --> 00:25:23,260 by the side of the road. 500 00:25:23,476 --> 00:25:25,265 And they put something in me. 501 00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:26,523 Look. 502 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:30,679 I don't know why, but they're following me. 503 00:25:31,225 --> 00:25:32,773 They're listening. 504 00:25:33,564 --> 00:25:35,348 Look, you can see it. 505 00:25:39,143 --> 00:25:40,808 Alien technology. 506 00:25:40,894 --> 00:25:41,894 That's it. 507 00:25:50,052 --> 00:25:52,159 - Hey, honey. - Honey. 508 00:25:53,989 --> 00:25:55,902 Why do I smell fish? 509 00:25:55,945 --> 00:25:57,904 Because I made branzino. 510 00:26:02,430 --> 00:26:04,345 Tonight's supposed to be taco night. 511 00:26:04,911 --> 00:26:06,804 Does that mean that tacos are moving to tomorrow night? 512 00:26:06,829 --> 00:26:08,305 Because that's... that's spaghetti. 513 00:26:08,349 --> 00:26:10,917 Will you relax, just try to get out of your comfort zone? 514 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,005 Yeah, but... 515 00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:13,615 Max is at the movies with Sahar. 516 00:26:13,659 --> 00:26:16,139 So I invited a friend over with her husband. 517 00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:18,806 I want you to meet them. 518 00:26:18,831 --> 00:26:20,013 You're gonna love them. 519 00:26:20,056 --> 00:26:20,901 Yep. 520 00:26:21,318 --> 00:26:22,972 Maybe we could do fish tacos. 521 00:26:25,758 --> 00:26:27,455 This is my husband, Ben. 522 00:26:27,498 --> 00:26:29,588 Ben, this is Sarah and Richard Houston. 523 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:31,328 Oh, come on. We're friends. 524 00:26:31,372 --> 00:26:33,285 You can call him Dick. 525 00:26:33,679 --> 00:26:35,376 Well, we're having fish. 526 00:26:38,858 --> 00:26:41,643 I want to thank you all for coming and for sharing. 527 00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:42,818 Come down and visit me. 528 00:26:42,862 --> 00:26:44,733 We have a booth on the con floor. 529 00:26:45,254 --> 00:26:46,825 A lot of cool merchandise. 530 00:26:46,879 --> 00:26:47,832 Thank you. 531 00:26:51,348 --> 00:26:52,474 Excuse me. 532 00:26:53,362 --> 00:26:55,365 Wait. Harry, where are you going? 533 00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:00,314 Alien Tracker, hold up. 534 00:27:00,357 --> 00:27:01,473 Alien Tracker! 535 00:27:02,235 --> 00:27:03,802 Can I get an autograph? 536 00:27:05,580 --> 00:27:06,712 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 537 00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:08,288 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 538 00:27:12,049 --> 00:27:13,390 _ 539 00:27:13,414 --> 00:27:14,955 Yeah. You're welcome. 540 00:27:33,832 --> 00:27:35,181 Sorry. It's my turn. 541 00:27:38,592 --> 00:27:39,701 Do you mind? 542 00:27:39,745 --> 00:27:42,269 I'm going to cut that alien technology out of your arm, 543 00:27:42,312 --> 00:27:43,920 and then I'm going to leave. 544 00:27:46,350 --> 00:27:48,186 - What the hell! - Quiet. 545 00:27:50,114 --> 00:27:51,896 It's not alien! It's a BB. 546 00:27:51,982 --> 00:27:52,845 What? 547 00:27:52,888 --> 00:27:54,213 A BB got lodged in my arm when I was a kid. 548 00:27:54,237 --> 00:27:55,154 Okay, I lied. 549 00:27:55,217 --> 00:27:56,529 What is wrong with you? 550 00:27:56,677 --> 00:27:59,873 You're the one with the knife, you freakin' psycho. 551 00:28:05,467 --> 00:28:07,157 What the hell is going on? 552 00:28:07,752 --> 00:28:09,025 What are you looking for? 553 00:28:09,050 --> 00:28:10,322 And don't lie. 554 00:28:10,348 --> 00:28:12,002 I think I deserve at least that. 555 00:28:15,171 --> 00:28:18,346 When the Grays abduct a human, 556 00:28:18,371 --> 00:28:21,467 they leave alien technology implanted on their body. 557 00:28:22,373 --> 00:28:24,093 It is a transmitter. 558 00:28:24,326 --> 00:28:26,748 It is a way for them to track the victim. 559 00:28:26,792 --> 00:28:28,553 I need to find one. 560 00:28:29,838 --> 00:28:31,592 Is that why we're here? 561 00:28:32,162 --> 00:28:35,317 So you can rip an implant out of some poor person's arm? 562 00:28:35,342 --> 00:28:36,540 It's for my radio. 563 00:28:36,967 --> 00:28:40,013 The implant is made of an alien metal. 564 00:28:40,407 --> 00:28:41,844 I need it. 565 00:28:53,553 --> 00:28:55,639 The Alien Tracker is after me. 566 00:28:55,864 --> 00:28:57,475 He can see me like Max. 567 00:28:58,108 --> 00:28:59,098 I don't understand. 568 00:28:59,123 --> 00:29:00,521 The rest is self-explanatory. 569 00:29:00,564 --> 00:29:03,437 His name is Alien Tracker. 570 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,436 Maybe we should go then. 571 00:29:05,820 --> 00:29:06,826 Yes. 572 00:29:08,137 --> 00:29:10,456 It was, like... I mean, he designed the whole thing himself, 573 00:29:10,481 --> 00:29:13,240 the whole thing. He made it all on his own. 574 00:29:13,283 --> 00:29:14,466 Oh, I'm so sad. 575 00:29:14,491 --> 00:29:16,091 I thought Max was gonna be here tonight. 576 00:29:16,116 --> 00:29:17,843 We're so looking forward to meeting him. 577 00:29:17,886 --> 00:29:19,062 Right, honey? 578 00:29:19,453 --> 00:29:20,835 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 579 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,327 I love kids. 580 00:29:22,413 --> 00:29:24,240 We want them, but the doctor said 581 00:29:24,265 --> 00:29:25,804 Sarah's probably too old. 582 00:29:26,491 --> 00:29:27,591 I'm sorry. 583 00:29:27,616 --> 00:29:30,601 I'm sure that it will happen for you two. 584 00:29:31,187 --> 00:29:33,999 Meanwhile, enjoy the freedom 'cause kids are a lot. 585 00:29:35,101 --> 00:29:36,960 That's why it's so nice having some adult time. 586 00:29:37,140 --> 00:29:38,167 Right, honey? 587 00:29:39,101 --> 00:29:40,849 Fun fact, more people died 588 00:29:40,874 --> 00:29:43,272 choking on branzino bones per year than heart disease. 589 00:29:44,870 --> 00:29:47,021 Honey, could you help me with dessert? 590 00:29:50,614 --> 00:29:53,260 Sweetie, you haven't said two words all night. 591 00:29:54,103 --> 00:29:56,455 I'm pulling all of the weight here. 592 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:57,322 Well, I'm sorry. 593 00:29:57,347 --> 00:30:00,119 I think not having tacos has kind of thrown me off my game. 594 00:30:00,658 --> 00:30:01,712 Look, I'm trying. 595 00:30:01,756 --> 00:30:04,031 You spent the last half hour playing medical examiner 596 00:30:04,056 --> 00:30:05,124 with your fish bones. 597 00:30:05,149 --> 00:30:07,673 Well, if it makes you feel any better, I swallowed most of them. 598 00:30:08,110 --> 00:30:09,885 Uh, it doesn't make me feel better. 599 00:30:09,910 --> 00:30:11,129 Okay. I feel terrible. 600 00:30:13,028 --> 00:30:14,900 I really like Sarah and Dick. 601 00:30:14,943 --> 00:30:17,857 And it's nice to have couple friends who we can 602 00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:19,163 have over for dinner. 603 00:30:19,523 --> 00:30:20,748 Can you try? 604 00:30:20,773 --> 00:30:23,449 Okay. Look, I'll be more sociable. 605 00:30:23,734 --> 00:30:26,636 I'll talk to Dick about candle making. 606 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,902 Yeah... sure. 607 00:30:29,488 --> 00:30:31,668 Or something else. 608 00:30:32,455 --> 00:30:33,793 What, you don't... 609 00:30:34,277 --> 00:30:35,918 What, you don't like my candles? 610 00:30:36,003 --> 00:30:37,627 No, I mean, of course. 611 00:30:37,652 --> 00:30:40,675 I... love them. 612 00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,433 It's just... 613 00:30:42,979 --> 00:30:45,634 It's not really exciting dinner conversation. 614 00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:50,622 Not sure I want to live in that world, but okay. 615 00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:52,938 Just leave the baby talk to me, okay? 616 00:30:52,981 --> 00:30:54,243 I'm the mother-to-be. 617 00:30:54,287 --> 00:30:55,568 Well, that's not what the doctor said. 618 00:30:55,592 --> 00:30:57,812 Hey, listen, asshole, just do your job. 619 00:30:58,035 --> 00:30:59,118 Keep them engaged 620 00:30:59,161 --> 00:31:00,747 so I can go on a little reconnaissance mission. 621 00:31:00,964 --> 00:31:03,408 I did an Internet deep dive and found pictures of Ben 622 00:31:03,433 --> 00:31:05,820 making these shitty candles. Ask him about it. 623 00:31:06,207 --> 00:31:07,707 Hope everyone's in the mood for pie. 624 00:31:08,355 --> 00:31:09,302 Can't wait. 625 00:31:09,345 --> 00:31:10,999 May I use your powder room first? 626 00:31:11,043 --> 00:31:12,043 Of course. 627 00:31:14,742 --> 00:31:15,917 I have to say, 628 00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:18,224 these are really, really nice candles. 629 00:31:18,267 --> 00:31:20,400 What are they made of? Soy? 630 00:31:20,443 --> 00:31:22,820 Well, actually, there are... yeah, 631 00:31:22,845 --> 00:31:24,926 there are several different kinds of, um... 632 00:31:25,087 --> 00:31:26,479 Not sure. 633 00:31:27,161 --> 00:31:28,446 I don't know. 634 00:31:29,228 --> 00:31:31,392 Just a regular store-bought candle. 635 00:31:37,556 --> 00:31:39,719 _ 636 00:31:46,307 --> 00:31:48,151 Okay, um, keep moving. 637 00:31:48,198 --> 00:31:49,393 I got this. 638 00:31:51,039 --> 00:31:51,988 Oh, my God. 639 00:31:52,647 --> 00:31:54,018 You're the Alien Tracker. 640 00:31:54,042 --> 00:31:57,698 I have listened to every episode of your podcast. 641 00:31:57,741 --> 00:32:00,701 I was wondering if maybe I could get a selfie with you? 642 00:32:01,050 --> 00:32:02,949 And this crazy dude came in 643 00:32:02,974 --> 00:32:05,933 and tried to stab me with a scalpel. 644 00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:09,275 Why are you just staring at me? Are you gonna help me? 645 00:32:09,318 --> 00:32:10,667 Can we just go look for him? 646 00:32:13,018 --> 00:32:14,099 I'm not crazy. 647 00:32:17,474 --> 00:32:19,121 Hey, can I help you? 648 00:32:19,146 --> 00:32:21,200 I need to hide. Can you leave? 649 00:32:21,618 --> 00:32:23,228 What are you hiding from? 650 00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:27,083 The Alien Tracker. He's chasing me. 651 00:32:30,590 --> 00:32:31,985 He thinks I'm an alien. 652 00:32:35,688 --> 00:32:37,329 He's a crazy guy. 653 00:32:37,433 --> 00:32:40,697 Well, I have no problem hiding aliens. 654 00:32:41,829 --> 00:32:43,085 Wait a minute. 655 00:32:43,508 --> 00:32:45,890 You are that hair guy, 656 00:32:46,421 --> 00:32:48,630 the one who knows all about ancient monuments. 657 00:32:48,655 --> 00:32:51,360 Yeah, that's me. Would you like a signed copy? 658 00:32:53,686 --> 00:32:57,202 I would rather have flower-shaped fruit. 659 00:33:11,177 --> 00:33:13,091 _ 660 00:33:54,423 --> 00:33:57,608 Hey, what are you doing up here? 661 00:33:57,633 --> 00:33:59,472 I know. I'm such a snoop, right? 662 00:33:59,515 --> 00:34:01,459 I just love your decorating style. 663 00:34:01,484 --> 00:34:03,432 I had to see what the rest of the house looked like. 664 00:34:03,655 --> 00:34:06,223 You could have asked for a tour. 665 00:34:11,092 --> 00:34:12,820 I'll be honest with you. 666 00:34:14,574 --> 00:34:15,593 This whole 667 00:34:16,906 --> 00:34:19,352 "not being able to have kids" thing 668 00:34:20,110 --> 00:34:21,571 is really hard. 669 00:34:22,408 --> 00:34:24,671 And I just wanted to see your son's room. 670 00:34:26,934 --> 00:34:28,540 I'm sorry. 671 00:34:29,134 --> 00:34:30,111 Yeah. 672 00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:32,001 Just don't give up. 673 00:34:32,235 --> 00:34:34,420 Women are having babies older and older now. 674 00:34:34,454 --> 00:34:35,351 You just never know. 675 00:34:35,376 --> 00:34:37,634 I'm actually not the problem. 676 00:34:37,814 --> 00:34:40,540 Dick only said that because he's so self-conscious. 677 00:34:40,730 --> 00:34:43,899 But he has very low motility. 678 00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:46,265 Look, if you want to get a taste for it, 679 00:34:46,290 --> 00:34:48,233 you can babysit Max whenever you want. 680 00:34:48,258 --> 00:34:50,212 Oh, I would love that. 681 00:34:51,350 --> 00:34:53,265 I'll take such good care of him. 682 00:34:56,425 --> 00:34:58,096 What's interesting is that 683 00:34:58,139 --> 00:35:01,360 the masonry style of Delphi, Cuzco, 684 00:35:01,403 --> 00:35:05,059 or Sacsayhuamán are virtually identical, 685 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:07,844 and they're considered "navels of the world" 686 00:35:07,888 --> 00:35:10,238 where deities descended from the sky 687 00:35:10,282 --> 00:35:13,546 and imparted knowledge to the local population. 688 00:35:13,589 --> 00:35:15,156 So those places 689 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,637 are on two opposite ends of the planet, 690 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,943 and they have the same stories. 691 00:35:19,987 --> 00:35:21,728 So you have to wonder 692 00:35:21,771 --> 00:35:24,034 if these people had been visited 693 00:35:24,078 --> 00:35:25,688 by the same beings. 694 00:35:25,732 --> 00:35:29,311 And if so, then you have to ask the question, 695 00:35:29,424 --> 00:35:32,340 "Who were they? And where did they come from?" 696 00:35:33,689 --> 00:35:35,853 You should be on television. 697 00:35:36,197 --> 00:35:36,950 Okay. 698 00:35:37,025 --> 00:35:38,384 I have to go. 699 00:35:39,008 --> 00:35:40,414 I hope I didn't bore you. 700 00:35:40,439 --> 00:35:41,470 No. 701 00:35:42,001 --> 00:35:43,880 You're out of fruit flowers. 702 00:35:43,924 --> 00:35:45,621 I left you the honeydew melon. 703 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,477 They taste like old women's perfume. 704 00:36:02,556 --> 00:36:05,467 Kate doesn't love the whole candle thing? 705 00:36:05,511 --> 00:36:07,643 I accidentally spilled some wax on her head once. 706 00:36:07,687 --> 00:36:08,644 She lost some hair. 707 00:36:08,688 --> 00:36:10,063 - Yeah. - What are you gonna do? 708 00:36:10,088 --> 00:36:11,517 Yeah, I get it. You know, 709 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,875 Sarah can get pretty particular about the things I do too. 710 00:36:14,900 --> 00:36:15,999 So yeah. 711 00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:17,740 Very passionate, very passionate ladies. 712 00:36:17,784 --> 00:36:19,715 Oh, that's... that's one word for it. 713 00:36:23,605 --> 00:36:26,155 Want to fire it up? Show you how it's done. 714 00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:27,449 Yes, yes. 715 00:36:27,668 --> 00:36:28,441 You sure? 716 00:36:28,466 --> 00:36:29,712 Please, yeah, yeah, oh. 717 00:36:31,957 --> 00:36:32,973 Okay. 718 00:36:40,693 --> 00:36:42,146 I just find it pretty relaxing. 719 00:36:42,171 --> 00:36:42,968 Yeah. 720 00:36:43,312 --> 00:36:46,945 Helps me cope with the pressures of being mayor, 721 00:36:47,379 --> 00:36:50,077 especially after the town doctor was murdered. 722 00:36:52,253 --> 00:36:53,645 That's horrible. 723 00:36:53,907 --> 00:36:55,700 Yeah, yeah. 724 00:36:56,039 --> 00:36:57,519 We did just make an arrest though. 725 00:36:57,563 --> 00:37:00,450 And it was the first murder in Patience 726 00:37:00,475 --> 00:37:02,170 since, like, the 1800s. 727 00:37:03,131 --> 00:37:06,180 I've always wanted to say, you know, 728 00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,873 "Not on my watch, buddy." 729 00:37:09,034 --> 00:37:10,225 But... 730 00:37:11,115 --> 00:37:13,523 yeah, it was... it was on my watch. 731 00:37:16,408 --> 00:37:19,541 Think I might have been across the street when it happened. 732 00:37:25,112 --> 00:37:27,070 Do you like pumpkin spice? 733 00:37:32,870 --> 00:37:34,175 That was close. 734 00:37:34,730 --> 00:37:38,081 It's like everybody is talking about me like I'm some big hero... 735 00:37:40,475 --> 00:37:43,326 Except for the two people whose lives I actually saved 736 00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:46,655 that incidentally are both completely ignoring me. 737 00:37:50,093 --> 00:37:52,289 You know, I should be hanging out with my friend right now. 738 00:37:52,313 --> 00:37:54,097 Bitch, I'm your friend. 739 00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:56,703 We're closer than you and Asta. 740 00:37:57,313 --> 00:37:59,249 We shared a boyfriend in high school. 741 00:37:59,274 --> 00:38:01,842 You mean the guy that you slept with behind my back? 742 00:38:01,867 --> 00:38:03,764 I grabbed his dick, and he was into it. 743 00:38:03,789 --> 00:38:05,949 So what am I supposed to do, say no? 744 00:38:05,974 --> 00:38:07,323 Oh, yeah. Fair point. 745 00:38:08,539 --> 00:38:11,889 It just, like, bothers me I can't get ahold of them. 746 00:38:11,914 --> 00:38:13,203 I've been texting all day. 747 00:38:13,383 --> 00:38:15,423 I don't know, maybe something happened to her. 748 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,678 Maybe they're not okay.I don't know. 749 00:38:17,703 --> 00:38:18,881 It's kind of freaking me out. 750 00:38:18,905 --> 00:38:21,560 Yeah, probably something bad did happen to her. 751 00:38:21,603 --> 00:38:23,431 I don't know. She probably got kidnapped 752 00:38:23,475 --> 00:38:25,495 or something or, like, people are after her 753 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,175 and, like, she's in the back of a car, like, in a trunk, 754 00:38:28,218 --> 00:38:30,438 like, screaming and, like, pounding 755 00:38:30,482 --> 00:38:32,614 and, like... or she could be dead. 756 00:38:32,658 --> 00:38:34,616 She could be dead in a ditch somewhere, like, 757 00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:35,922 covered in blood 758 00:38:35,964 --> 00:38:39,627 and, like, intestines are, like, trailing out... 759 00:38:39,652 --> 00:38:41,129 Is this supposed to help me feel better? 760 00:38:41,223 --> 00:38:42,192 Okay. 761 00:38:42,407 --> 00:38:44,598 So we're gonna switch gears over to karaoke. 762 00:38:44,653 --> 00:38:48,231 First up, we have our own Liv Baker singing a song for us. 763 00:38:48,527 --> 00:38:49,515 Come on. 764 00:39:02,296 --> 00:39:04,560 ? It must have been cold there ? 765 00:39:04,585 --> 00:39:07,739 ? In my shadow 766 00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:13,348 ? To never have sunlight 767 00:39:13,373 --> 00:39:16,115 ? On your face 768 00:39:18,312 --> 00:39:22,969 ? You were content to let me shine ? 769 00:39:23,012 --> 00:39:25,104 ? That's your way 770 00:39:26,276 --> 00:39:30,542 ? You always walked a step behind ? 771 00:39:33,459 --> 00:39:38,353 ? So I was the one with all the glory ? 772 00:39:38,378 --> 00:39:39,931 What the hell is happening? 773 00:39:40,290 --> 00:39:43,076 ? While you were the one 774 00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:47,259 ? With all the strength 775 00:39:49,256 --> 00:39:53,702 ? A beautiful face without a name ? 776 00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:55,685 ? For so long 777 00:39:56,742 --> 00:40:03,026 ? A beautiful smile that hides the pain ? 778 00:40:03,531 --> 00:40:05,696 ? Did you ever know 779 00:40:05,721 --> 00:40:10,002 ? That you're my hero 780 00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:17,987 ? And everything I would like to be? ? 781 00:40:19,242 --> 00:40:21,549 ? I can fly higher 782 00:40:21,593 --> 00:40:25,861 ? Than an eagle 783 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:34,149 ? You are the wind beneath my wings ? 784 00:40:36,558 --> 00:40:38,915 Okay. 785 00:40:44,137 --> 00:40:46,436 Guess I'm deputy again. 786 00:40:58,217 --> 00:40:59,512 Oh, shit. 787 00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:04,113 I first learned the concept of two for one 788 00:41:04,157 --> 00:41:07,377 when there was a sale on day old baguettes at the market. 789 00:41:13,296 --> 00:41:15,734 But having this Alien Tracker in my grips 790 00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,127 and discovering he was implanted with the very chip 791 00:41:18,171 --> 00:41:20,782 I need is even more exciting 792 00:41:20,826 --> 00:41:23,752 than getting an extra two-foot-long crouton. 793 00:41:24,567 --> 00:41:25,873 Don't move. 794 00:41:26,154 --> 00:41:29,418 I'm taking that alien technology out of your neck. 795 00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:30,270 No, wait. 796 00:41:30,888 --> 00:41:32,895 Where is my baby? 797 00:41:34,045 --> 00:41:35,089 What baby? 798 00:41:35,114 --> 00:41:37,074 The one you took out of my wife 799 00:41:37,099 --> 00:41:38,539 30 years ago on the bus. 800 00:41:38,583 --> 00:41:41,150 We don't do that. That's the Greys. 801 00:41:41,194 --> 00:41:42,543 You're a Grey. 802 00:41:42,587 --> 00:41:43,888 How dare you! 803 00:41:43,936 --> 00:41:45,414 Please don't take it out. 804 00:41:45,677 --> 00:41:48,549 It's the only way they can find me if they come back. 805 00:41:48,593 --> 00:41:50,899 It's the only way I'll ever meet my son. 806 00:41:52,684 --> 00:41:54,468 They're not coming back for you. 807 00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:57,776 They already got what they wanted. 808 00:42:06,698 --> 00:42:08,134 I recognize you. 809 00:42:08,177 --> 00:42:10,223 You were in that Experiencer Panel. 810 00:42:10,424 --> 00:42:11,441 Mmm, yeah. 811 00:42:11,485 --> 00:42:13,182 I heard what you said up there. 812 00:42:13,444 --> 00:42:14,659 It was very touching. 813 00:42:14,933 --> 00:42:16,666 But you should be careful. 814 00:42:17,883 --> 00:42:18,764 What do you mean? 815 00:42:18,789 --> 00:42:19,993 For all you know, 816 00:42:20,018 --> 00:42:23,282 your alien is a Christopher Columbus of the sky. 817 00:42:47,159 --> 00:42:49,643 _ 818 00:43:13,242 --> 00:43:14,467 Let's go. 819 00:43:14,819 --> 00:43:16,217 I got what I needed. 820 00:43:16,381 --> 00:43:17,943 Well, that makes me nervous. 821 00:43:17,986 --> 00:43:19,901 Don't worry. I didn't hurt him. 822 00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:23,426 He was on his knees, thanking me. 823 00:43:24,037 --> 00:43:25,388 You're a monster. 824 00:43:25,787 --> 00:43:27,526 You're welcome. 825 00:43:30,042 --> 00:43:31,779 There are no monsters. 826 00:43:32,777 --> 00:43:35,928 Beings do what needs to be done in order to survive. 827 00:43:50,189 --> 00:43:51,298 Asta! 828 00:43:56,408 --> 00:43:57,878 Are you in there?! 829 00:44:16,392 --> 00:44:18,024 Ow, shit! 830 00:45:18,581 --> 00:45:23,635 CREDITS