1 00:00:07,213 --> 00:00:10,082 No one ever imagind we would make it this far. 2 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,629 Incision-less surgeries, 4D imaging, 3 00:00:23,696 --> 00:00:27,666 mechanical organs,stem cell therapy... 4 00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,328 _ 5 00:00:30,352 --> 00:00:33,998 _ 6 00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:43,915 Every medical innovation seemed impossible, 7 00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:46,151 unimaginable until it was achieved. 8 00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:53,825 And luckily, we haven't stopped making advancements. 9 00:00:53,893 --> 00:00:56,962 Your recent COVID test has come back negative, 10 00:00:57,030 --> 00:00:59,431 your ABG's improved, 11 00:00:59,499 --> 00:01:02,000 your RSBI looks promising, 12 00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,702 and oxygen requirements have decreased. 13 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:05,370 If you keep this up, 14 00:01:05,438 --> 00:01:07,906 I may just try weaning you off the vent later today. 15 00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:09,553 Because the other side 16 00:01:09,577 --> 00:01:11,843 of the unimaginable is death. 17 00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:13,545 And the pain that comes with loss. 18 00:01:13,613 --> 00:01:14,880 Dr. Altman? 19 00:01:17,016 --> 00:01:18,550 Bailey said you'd need some help 20 00:01:18,618 --> 00:01:21,086 covering the COVID ICU since... 21 00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,523 Since we lost... Yeah, uh - uh, o-okay. 22 00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:27,125 Thank you. 23 00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:32,831 And that side never stops coming. 24 00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:34,933 We need some good news, Meredith. 25 00:01:35,001 --> 00:01:37,736 Please, just... we really need some good n. 26 00:01:44,811 --> 00:01:45,977 It's you again! 27 00:01:59,726 --> 00:02:06,092 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com. 28 00:02:07,967 --> 00:02:09,634 You going in today? 29 00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:11,249 Day off. 30 00:02:14,446 --> 00:02:18,148 Hey, if I say something, can you not judge me? 31 00:02:18,216 --> 00:02:20,484 Because we're friends who bang, not friends who judge. 32 00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:22,286 Mm, I have wrapped my head 33 00:02:22,354 --> 00:02:23,654 around the concept, yeah. 34 00:02:23,722 --> 00:02:27,725 I need joy in my life. 35 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,961 Val died, 36 00:02:31,029 --> 00:02:33,330 and DeLuca... 37 00:02:33,398 --> 00:02:35,332 I can't even say it yet. 38 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,135 And I physically have no more room left in my body 39 00:02:38,203 --> 00:02:39,236 for sadness. 40 00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:43,440 So I am switching specialts to OB 41 00:02:43,508 --> 00:02:47,311 and all I need from you is encouragement. 42 00:02:47,379 --> 00:02:48,779 You thought I would judge you for that? 43 00:02:48,847 --> 00:02:50,981 I literally spend all day every day at work 44 00:02:51,049 --> 00:02:52,616 wanting to walk out that door 45 00:02:52,684 --> 00:02:55,652 just to go off into the woods by myself hiking for three months 46 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,087 until there's a vaccine. 47 00:02:57,155 --> 00:02:59,690 There's not gonna be a vace in three months. 48 00:02:59,758 --> 00:03:01,091 I'm sorry... You just said no judging. 49 00:03:01,159 --> 00:03:03,894 I know, but that's just ridiculous. 50 00:03:04,543 --> 00:03:07,364 Wait, so, you for real about switching specialties? 51 00:03:07,432 --> 00:03:08,966 Yes. 52 00:03:09,034 --> 00:03:10,901 - Wow. - Yeah. 53 00:03:15,073 --> 00:03:16,140 What was that? 54 00:03:16,207 --> 00:03:17,741 In lieu of confetti. 55 00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:29,720 You okay? 56 00:03:29,788 --> 00:03:32,222 No. 57 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:34,058 The kids loved Andrew. 58 00:03:34,125 --> 00:03:35,292 He used to play his guitar for them 59 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:36,927 and teach them songs in Italian. 60 00:03:36,995 --> 00:03:38,695 He brought gelato to every birthday. 61 00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:40,364 And every half-birthday. 62 00:03:40,432 --> 00:03:42,833 Which all three of these kids now think is an actual thing. 63 00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:46,336 I'm just so sorry. 64 00:03:46,404 --> 00:03:47,538 For all of you. 65 00:03:47,605 --> 00:03:49,239 Aunt Maggie! It's your turn! 66 00:03:49,307 --> 00:03:51,548 Okay, Zozo. 67 00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:53,610 I'll be there. 68 00:03:53,678 --> 00:03:55,079 Know what? 69 00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:58,749 I think this crowd could benefit from some new East Coast moves. 70 00:03:58,817 --> 00:04:00,784 Ndugu moves. What do you say, Zola? 71 00:04:00,852 --> 00:04:02,252 - Gimme a shot? - Yeah! 72 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,420 Alright. Make room. 73 00:04:03,488 --> 00:04:05,255 Unh! 74 00:04:11,663 --> 00:04:13,697 Hey! Yeah? 75 00:04:17,335 --> 00:04:19,937 Ooh, ooh! Come on! 76 00:04:20,004 --> 00:04:23,941 And I just wish I had the chance to thank him for it. 77 00:04:26,881 --> 00:04:28,348 Do you think that was okay? 78 00:04:28,416 --> 00:04:31,418 It's a video tribute for someone whose brother got murdered. 79 00:04:31,914 --> 00:04:33,553 Nothing's "okay." 80 00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:36,750 But funerals no longer exist, so... 81 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,458 Do you want me to record yours? 82 00:04:38,526 --> 00:04:40,360 I'm, um... 83 00:04:41,662 --> 00:04:43,363 Yeah, just, um... 84 00:04:43,431 --> 00:04:44,498 No. 85 00:04:46,237 --> 00:04:47,497 And, uh, later today, 86 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:49,002 I need you to meet a team... 87 00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,904 ...from county at the loading dock. 88 00:04:50,972 --> 00:04:52,369 We're giving them PPE. 89 00:04:53,441 --> 00:04:56,042 They're wearing trash bags over there. 90 00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,447 Mm. 91 00:04:58,346 --> 00:05:00,080 Do we have extra PPE? 92 00:05:00,148 --> 00:05:02,642 We have more than others. Which is extra. 93 00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,433 When was the last time you were home? 94 00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:05,968 Hunt! Yeah, Altman. Come in. 95 00:05:06,036 --> 00:05:07,670 Meredith's stable. 96 00:05:07,737 --> 00:05:11,173 I'm actually gonna try to reduce her vent settings tod. 97 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,174 I'm hopeful. 98 00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,542 Hunt, how are we with beds? 99 00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:17,546 The normal COVID floor capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay. 100 00:05:17,614 --> 00:05:21,283 Morale is pretty low with DeLuca... 101 00:05:21,351 --> 00:05:22,785 It's hit everyone pretty hard. 102 00:05:22,852 --> 00:05:26,288 Well, I expect DeLuca's autopsy results 103 00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:27,978 by the end of the day. 104 00:05:29,326 --> 00:05:31,527 You asked for his results? Why? 105 00:05:31,595 --> 00:05:33,262 Andrew DeLuca was one of our own. 106 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,797 Obviously, something went wrong. 107 00:05:34,864 --> 00:05:36,265 I want to know what that was. 108 00:05:38,335 --> 00:05:39,435 That's all. 109 00:05:43,974 --> 00:05:48,277 Bailey, I already told you every step of what happened. 110 00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:49,976 Well after I could have done 111 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,128 something to change the outcome. 112 00:05:53,583 --> 00:05:55,451 Shut the door on your way out. 113 00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:56,518 Yes? 114 00:05:58,922 --> 00:05:59,855 Yeah. 115 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,262 Alright. 116 00:06:03,874 --> 00:06:05,841 - Dr. Connor to the ICU. - Thank you for coming with me. 117 00:06:06,154 --> 00:06:07,554 I wouldn't miss it. 118 00:06:08,004 --> 00:06:09,371 I have privileges, right? 119 00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:11,006 My department, my world. 120 00:06:11,074 --> 00:06:12,407 Dr. Gruber to the OR. 121 00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:13,842 Helm, what do we got? Dr. Gruber to the OR. 122 00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:18,080 Byron Gibbis, 52, found passed out on his front porch. 123 00:06:18,148 --> 00:06:20,449 He's febrile, tachycardic. I also heard a big murmur. 124 00:06:20,517 --> 00:06:21,917 Rapid COVID was negative, 125 00:06:21,985 --> 00:06:24,186 no signs of head trauma, but I did order a pan scan. 126 00:06:24,254 --> 00:06:25,823 Let's add a cardiac CT. 127 00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:27,671 Um, do you work here? 128 00:06:27,739 --> 00:06:28,873 Dr. Winston Ndugu, 129 00:06:28,940 --> 00:06:30,608 cardiothoracic surgeon from Tufts. 130 00:06:30,675 --> 00:06:32,501 He's got Osler's nodes. 131 00:06:36,214 --> 00:06:38,449 Oh, my God. My God. 132 00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:40,484 Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce. You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial. 133 00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:41,819 You were found unconscious, and an ambulance... 134 00:06:41,887 --> 00:06:43,120 - Get away from me! - Okay... 135 00:06:43,188 --> 00:06:44,555 No, I'm serious. Everybody back up, okay? 136 00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,090 I'm not getting COVID. Where are my clothes? 137 00:06:46,158 --> 00:06:48,759 - Sir, please just... - Everybody here is sick. 138 00:06:48,827 --> 00:06:49,827 Oh, God. 139 00:06:49,895 --> 00:06:51,996 Okay, Byron, I know that this is a shock 140 00:06:52,064 --> 00:06:53,197 and I know that you're scared, 141 00:06:53,265 --> 00:06:54,665 but if we don't get a look at your heart, 142 00:06:54,733 --> 00:06:56,033 you may not make it home. 143 00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,334 We have all been tested. 144 00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:59,570 If you need a mask or if you need a face shield, 145 00:06:59,638 --> 00:07:00,738 we can get you whatever you need. 146 00:07:00,806 --> 00:07:03,140 But, please, just stay. 147 00:07:03,208 --> 00:07:04,809 I was so good. 148 00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:06,043 I didn't go anywhere. 149 00:07:06,111 --> 00:07:07,845 Let's get you ready for CT. 150 00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:14,151 One minute I'm sad, 'cause I think about his sister 151 00:07:14,219 --> 00:07:17,421 and his family and what a great guy he was. 152 00:07:18,129 --> 00:07:19,990 Next minute, I'm filled with guilt. 153 00:07:20,058 --> 00:07:21,592 Then I'm filled with rage. 154 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:22,737 That a person could 155 00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,721 Do that to another human being. 156 00:07:27,499 --> 00:07:30,534 I'm scared. Hopeless. Sometimes numb. 157 00:07:30,602 --> 00:07:32,269 I can always go back to guilt. 158 00:07:32,337 --> 00:07:34,062 Guilt is my go-to. 159 00:07:34,473 --> 00:07:36,565 My go-to is numb. 160 00:07:37,442 --> 00:07:39,243 Wow. 161 00:07:39,311 --> 00:07:41,712 Did you just describe exactly what was wrong 162 00:07:41,780 --> 00:07:43,414 with our relationship in only five words? 163 00:07:45,484 --> 00:07:47,318 I think maybe I just did. 164 00:07:50,956 --> 00:07:52,990 I just... DeLuca. I... 165 00:07:55,927 --> 00:07:58,629 I-I just can't get my head around it. 166 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:08,263 What is this? 167 00:08:09,374 --> 00:08:10,908 Looks like whiskey. 168 00:08:10,976 --> 00:08:12,910 Mm, what was it doing 169 00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:15,379 on the top shelf behind the fancy candlesticks? 170 00:08:15,447 --> 00:08:16,747 What were you doing on the top shelf 171 00:08:16,815 --> 00:08:18,282 behind the fancy candlesticks? 172 00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:19,316 Are you drunk? 173 00:08:19,384 --> 00:08:20,551 It's 9:00 in the morning. 174 00:08:20,619 --> 00:08:22,353 Plenty of people get drunk at 9:00 in the morning. 175 00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:25,030 Yeah, well, not me, Amelia. 176 00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:27,224 I live at home with four kids. 177 00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,627 Sometimes late at night... 178 00:08:29,694 --> 00:08:31,896 ...I have a drink in the garage and I play my guitar. 179 00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:33,063 We're in a pandemic. 180 00:08:33,131 --> 00:08:35,966 You drink in the garage? Do you hear yourself? 181 00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:37,067 Do you hear yourself? 182 00:08:37,135 --> 00:08:39,537 Hiding alcohol is an objectively bad sign. 183 00:08:39,604 --> 00:08:41,839 Or it's a sign that I'm trying to be respectful of you. 184 00:08:41,907 --> 00:08:43,541 If you have a problem, you can talk to me. 185 00:08:43,608 --> 00:08:45,943 I'm, like, literally the best person in the world 186 00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:47,976 - you could talk to. - Do you know stressed out I am? 187 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,146 All the time? 188 00:08:49,214 --> 00:08:51,182 And now on top of everything, if it wasn't hard enough, 189 00:08:51,249 --> 00:08:53,417 now I have to make sure that I don't accidentally mention 190 00:08:53,485 --> 00:08:55,186 that their friend Andrew was stabbed to death 191 00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:56,854 by somebody who sells children for sex. 192 00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:58,956 Okay, that is all of us. That is not just you. 193 00:08:59,024 --> 00:09:01,625 And not all of us have to drink to cope. 194 00:09:01,693 --> 00:09:03,394 You don't have to, or you don't get to? 195 00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:06,030 Because I get to. Because I'm not an alcohol. 196 00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:07,364 I'm not in recovery and... 197 00:09:09,201 --> 00:09:10,868 Y'know what? 198 00:09:10,936 --> 00:09:12,536 I can't be here right now. 199 00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:14,405 - You're leaving? - Yes. 200 00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:16,273 Because I don't want to say something that I might regret. 201 00:09:16,341 --> 00:09:18,676 Because I love you and because I'm a good guy. 202 00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:21,111 But sometimes, Amelia, you drive me insane. 203 00:09:21,179 --> 00:09:22,446 And... And this is one of those times. 204 00:09:22,514 --> 00:09:24,281 So, yes, I'm leaving. 205 00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:28,052 And I'm taking this with me. 206 00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,721 Oh, and, uh, just so we're clear... 207 00:09:32,357 --> 00:09:33,657 I'm coming back. 208 00:09:33,725 --> 00:09:35,659 Because I'm not a bad guy! 209 00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:43,934 No pressure, Grey, but we really need you to pull through this. 210 00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:46,486 This place can't stand another loss. 211 00:09:47,205 --> 00:09:48,943 Are we ready? 212 00:09:48,968 --> 00:09:50,369 I'm gonna lighten her sedation... 213 00:09:51,876 --> 00:09:54,445 ...and then gradually turn down all of her settings. 214 00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:57,181 And if she tolerates it, then we'll move forward 215 00:09:57,249 --> 00:09:58,983 with spontaneous breathing trials. 216 00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:00,684 Dr. Altman, I'm more than able to handle this 217 00:10:00,752 --> 00:10:02,152 with the respiratory therapist. 218 00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:03,487 Maybe you should get some rest. 219 00:10:03,555 --> 00:10:05,356 I know how closely you worked with Dr. DeLuca. 220 00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:08,359 Which has nothing to do with getting Meredith off the vent. 221 00:10:16,768 --> 00:10:18,168 Come on, Grey. 222 00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:22,506 Come on, Grey, you can do this. 223 00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:26,310 You look just like Ellis just now, 224 00:10:26,378 --> 00:10:27,778 the way you're looking at your feet. 225 00:10:27,846 --> 00:10:28,979 So serious. 226 00:10:29,047 --> 00:10:31,248 Then she gets that worried little brow. 227 00:10:33,752 --> 00:10:35,653 This is torture! 228 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,321 You're right here, and I can't... 229 00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:38,489 It's torture! 230 00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,491 It's a torture of your own devising. 231 00:10:40,558 --> 00:10:42,059 You were always good at that. 232 00:10:42,127 --> 00:10:43,794 Good at what? 233 00:10:43,862 --> 00:10:45,062 Torturing yourself. 234 00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:47,464 I don't do that as much anymore. 235 00:10:52,937 --> 00:10:54,772 You never got to meet Ellis. 236 00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,273 We didn't even know. 237 00:10:56,341 --> 00:10:58,208 I wish you got to know her. 238 00:10:58,276 --> 00:11:00,377 She looks just like you. 239 00:11:00,445 --> 00:11:02,613 She breaks the rules just like you. 240 00:11:02,681 --> 00:11:05,949 And she's quick to anger. And quick to laugh. 241 00:11:06,017 --> 00:11:11,255 And she's smart and pensive and stubborn, just like you. 242 00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,893 Hates pink and purple, loves brown and green, 243 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,062 and... and gets enraged at the thought 244 00:11:18,129 --> 00:11:20,164 of anybody wanting to cut down a tree. 245 00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:29,625 Is... Is this thing clean? 246 00:11:29,693 --> 00:11:31,894 People say you can't get sick from surfaces, but you can. 247 00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:34,363 We thoroughly disinfect the entire room 248 00:11:34,431 --> 00:11:35,565 in between patients. 249 00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:37,967 - Sir? - Just... I need a minute, okay? 250 00:11:38,035 --> 00:11:40,036 Can I leave my face shield, please? 251 00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:42,872 - Sure. - Oh, God. 252 00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,781 If you'd like, I can stay with you. 253 00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:45,864 I can hold your foot or... 254 00:11:45,888 --> 00:11:46,943 No, no, no, no. I don't want anybody touching me. 255 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,344 Nobody touches me, okay? 256 00:11:48,412 --> 00:11:51,681 Osler's nodes, so... endocarditis. 257 00:11:51,748 --> 00:11:54,083 Yes, but what is the underlying cause? 258 00:11:54,151 --> 00:11:55,618 He denies intravenous drug use, 259 00:11:55,686 --> 00:11:58,187 there's no indwelling catheter, no diabetes... 260 00:11:58,255 --> 00:12:00,656 He said he hasn't left his house since lockdown, right? 261 00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:01,958 May I? 262 00:12:04,928 --> 00:12:06,429 - Hey, Byron. - Yeah? 263 00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:08,397 Have you had any trouble with your teeth lately? 264 00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:11,334 I had a... a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth, 265 00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:12,668 and I picked it out with a paperclip 266 00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:14,403 and... and now my gums are a little sore, 267 00:12:14,471 --> 00:12:15,872 but I-I'm not going to the dentist. 268 00:12:15,939 --> 00:12:17,673 I'm not gonna lay there with my mouth open for 20 minutes 269 00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:18,975 inhaling somebody's spit droplets. 270 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,776 - No way. - Bingo. 271 00:12:20,844 --> 00:12:24,580 Dental infection, which led to bacterial endocarditis. 272 00:12:24,648 --> 00:12:28,551 Aortic valve abscess almost completely blocking the valv. 273 00:12:28,619 --> 00:12:31,693 Helm, order some antibiotics and book an OR. 274 00:12:33,257 --> 00:12:34,724 I thought of it. 275 00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:35,958 You just said it first. 276 00:12:36,026 --> 00:12:37,927 Oh, yeah, I believe you. 277 00:12:37,995 --> 00:12:39,595 100%. 278 00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,040 Were you looking for me, dear? 279 00:12:46,737 --> 00:12:48,371 Yeah, I was. Yeah. 280 00:12:52,910 --> 00:12:55,444 You know, I built my life, 281 00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,079 my sanity, 282 00:12:57,147 --> 00:13:00,183 my sobriety... 283 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,552 around the surrender to a higher power. 284 00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,054 I mean, for me, 285 00:13:05,122 --> 00:13:09,258 it's the belief that there's some purpose. 286 00:13:09,326 --> 00:13:14,163 That there's a... a bigger plan. 287 00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:17,867 Something that if I got all the way above it 288 00:13:17,935 --> 00:13:19,802 and could look down on it 289 00:13:20,325 --> 00:13:21,938 like, um... 290 00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:24,540 Like a jigsaw puzzle, okMm. 291 00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:27,543 That somehow it would... It would make sense. 292 00:13:27,611 --> 00:13:30,146 My faith is rooted in the trust 293 00:13:30,214 --> 00:13:34,650 that there's a... a meaning and a wisdom 294 00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:39,088 that I'm just not elevated enough to see or understand. 295 00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:42,625 A faith that whoever made this puzzle, 296 00:13:43,293 --> 00:13:45,260 it makes sense to Him. 297 00:13:46,397 --> 00:13:48,531 - And it's beautiful. - Mm. 298 00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,808 Today, I'm... I'm struggling. 299 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,072 I'm struggling with my faith. 300 00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,874 I'm struggling to trust anything. 301 00:14:00,744 --> 00:14:06,949 And I just cannot see any wisdom in this. 302 00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:14,557 I live with stage 4 cancer. 303 00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:18,327 A cancer very few people survive. 304 00:14:18,395 --> 00:14:21,030 I just got the results from my latest scan, 305 00:14:21,098 --> 00:14:24,166 and... nothing has grown. 306 00:14:25,736 --> 00:14:27,436 It makes no sense. 307 00:14:27,504 --> 00:14:28,738 Everywhere we look, 308 00:14:28,805 --> 00:14:32,308 someone is dying that was healthy yesterday. 309 00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:35,611 It makes no sense. 310 00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:39,215 "Puzzle" is the right word. 311 00:14:39,283 --> 00:14:45,821 You can look for the pain, the lost, the unbearable. 312 00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:50,393 Or you can look for the beauty, the grace... 313 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,662 the miracle. 314 00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:55,712 And nothing grew? 315 00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:59,168 Nothing grew. 316 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,742 Okay, so, I know that people buy and trade 317 00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,578 and get rich and then just lose everyth. 318 00:15:09,646 --> 00:15:12,481 But what exactly is the stock market? 319 00:15:12,549 --> 00:15:14,650 It's a good thing you already know how to live out of a car. 320 00:15:14,718 --> 00:15:16,452 - Why? - Well, questions like that 321 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,953 make me think you're gonna end up back in one. 322 00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:24,894 Uh... who is it? 323 00:15:24,961 --> 00:15:26,762 It's Jackson Avery! 324 00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,764 I'm here for a quick bang. 325 00:15:28,832 --> 00:15:30,135 I... Jo! 326 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,372 I... 327 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,240 Shut up. 328 00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,209 Bad time? 329 00:15:42,479 --> 00:15:44,747 Oh, crap. 330 00:15:44,815 --> 00:15:46,682 Hey. Really bad time. 331 00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,751 Um, I brought whiskey. 332 00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,253 Oh, we're day drinking. Ah! 333 00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:53,322 Sorry, dude. I didn't realize, uh... 334 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:55,024 No, no, it's cool. 335 00:15:55,092 --> 00:15:57,560 Guess you're aware of our... situation, then. 336 00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,462 Yep. Sweet deal. 337 00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:02,698 Here. 338 00:16:02,766 --> 00:16:04,133 Oh, no, I'm on, uh, call. 339 00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:06,035 Oh! Dibs. 340 00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:08,003 Okay. Cheers. 341 00:16:08,071 --> 00:16:09,744 Happy... 342 00:16:10,707 --> 00:16:12,330 all-our-friends-are-dying day. 343 00:16:19,116 --> 00:16:22,618 I told him we'd move as fast as was safely possible. 344 00:16:22,686 --> 00:16:25,788 His echo showed his ejection fraction at 6, 345 00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,791 so hopefully his heart is strong enough to have a good outcome. 346 00:16:28,859 --> 00:16:30,960 Who cleans his teeth with a paperclip? 347 00:16:31,027 --> 00:16:33,429 Isolation makes people do crazy things. 348 00:16:34,018 --> 00:16:35,664 We're not meant to be alone. 349 00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:38,100 People physically need people. 350 00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:45,141 Oh, no, no! Don't... Don't... Don't touch me! 351 00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:47,543 Just back away! Please, everybody, back away. 352 00:16:47,611 --> 00:16:49,912 - Dr. Pierce! - I'm sorry. I can't be here! 353 00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:51,274 I can't do this. I can't! 354 00:16:51,298 --> 00:16:52,515 - Get away from me! - Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce. 355 00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:54,617 - Dr. Pierce! A little help? - I can't be here! I can't be here! 356 00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:56,252 - Oh, God. - I can't! I can't be here. 357 00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,421 I can't. I need to get out of here! 358 00:17:01,753 --> 00:17:04,021 Okay, call security. I'm gonna go to the elevator. 359 00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,289 - You go to the OR board. - I don't know where that is. 360 00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,020 - It's... - Did anyone losea naked man? 361 00:17:07,102 --> 00:17:08,346 Because he went that way. 362 00:17:08,371 --> 00:17:09,337 Oh. 363 00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:16,487 Byron? 364 00:17:25,597 --> 00:17:27,331 Hey, Byron. 365 00:17:27,864 --> 00:17:29,734 I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 366 00:17:29,801 --> 00:17:31,836 I can't do this. I can't be here. 367 00:17:31,904 --> 00:17:33,537 I... 368 00:17:33,605 --> 00:17:36,207 Oh, my God, my masks. I'm not wearing my masks. 369 00:17:36,275 --> 00:17:38,409 Honey, you're not wearing anything. 370 00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:47,351 My best friend, Rory, he was healthy as a horse. 371 00:17:47,419 --> 00:17:49,186 Never worked a day job his entire life, 372 00:17:49,254 --> 00:17:50,461 he didn't smoke, he didn't drink, 373 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,023 he... he ran triathlons. 374 00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:54,558 He got the virus, he was dead in a week. A w! 375 00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:56,494 Wife and kids didn't get to say goodbye to him. 376 00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:57,962 Do you know how many people 377 00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,497 they're projecting die from this? 378 00:17:59,564 --> 00:18:02,066 Hundreds of thousands. I know. 379 00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:04,396 And if you want to walk out of here, 380 00:18:04,641 --> 00:18:06,037 I'm not gonna stop you. 381 00:18:06,104 --> 00:18:07,605 Wait, what? 382 00:18:07,673 --> 00:18:09,240 But I will follow you. 383 00:18:09,308 --> 00:18:11,208 Because your heart's only gonna get worse, 384 00:18:11,276 --> 00:18:12,929 and I owe it to you, 385 00:18:13,064 --> 00:18:15,065 I owe it to my oath, 386 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:16,232 I owe it... 387 00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:21,667 I lost someone, too, Byron. 388 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,003 Not COVID. 389 00:18:25,524 --> 00:18:26,924 But I know that pain, 390 00:18:26,992 --> 00:18:31,996 and I know how unfair it is and how enraging it is. 391 00:18:32,064 --> 00:18:33,898 But I think... 392 00:18:36,134 --> 00:18:38,736 I think we owe it to the people we lost 393 00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:40,538 to live the lives that they can't. 394 00:18:40,605 --> 00:18:44,642 Even when it seems hard, and even when we're afraid. 395 00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:48,079 Byron, you have a problem that we can fix. 396 00:18:48,146 --> 00:18:49,347 We can fix this. 397 00:18:49,414 --> 00:18:50,915 But you have to let us. 398 00:18:50,983 --> 00:18:52,783 I don't want to die. 399 00:18:52,851 --> 00:18:53,918 I don't want to die. 400 00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:56,220 I don't want you to die, either. 401 00:19:08,433 --> 00:19:09,400 Okay. 402 00:19:10,174 --> 00:19:11,502 Okay. 403 00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:14,271 Let's get you a gown first. 404 00:19:14,339 --> 00:19:17,408 She didn't even know that she was pregnant. 405 00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:18,843 And then we saved her baby. 406 00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:20,611 And then... 407 00:19:20,679 --> 00:19:21,946 she died. 408 00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:23,881 It's like, during a pandemic, 409 00:19:23,949 --> 00:19:27,084 shouldn't all the other tragic crap take a break? 410 00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,519 You're seriously gonna quit surgery? 411 00:19:28,587 --> 00:19:29,954 I need some good things in my life. 412 00:19:30,022 --> 00:19:31,188 And babies are good. 413 00:19:31,256 --> 00:19:33,324 You realize OB is all about moms, yeah? 414 00:19:33,392 --> 00:19:36,127 Yeah, who are happy because they're having babies. 415 00:19:36,194 --> 00:19:38,429 Not having my own any time soon... 416 00:19:38,497 --> 00:19:39,497 Fingers crossed. 417 00:19:39,564 --> 00:19:41,265 ...or maybe ever, 418 00:19:41,333 --> 00:19:43,000 so I might as well hang out with some others. 419 00:19:43,068 --> 00:19:44,568 I got like 15 of them at home. 420 00:19:44,636 --> 00:19:45,603 Hang out with those. 421 00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:46,937 It's so unfair! 422 00:19:47,005 --> 00:19:49,607 You and Amelia didn't even want a baby, 423 00:19:49,674 --> 00:19:51,742 and then you got one and neither of you died. 424 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,911 Oh, poor you. 425 00:19:53,979 --> 00:19:57,148 You're young and single and dating a plastic surgeon. 426 00:19:57,215 --> 00:19:58,382 - No, we're not... not dating. - It's just sex. 427 00:19:58,450 --> 00:20:00,451 And you can still work. Oh. 428 00:20:00,519 --> 00:20:02,953 Last time my life sucked this bad, 429 00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:05,356 I quit medicine and moved to Venice Beach. 430 00:20:05,424 --> 00:20:06,957 Ah, yes. The bike shop, right? 431 00:20:07,025 --> 00:20:08,192 Heaven. 432 00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:10,194 Jackson wants to run away to the woods. 433 00:20:10,262 --> 00:20:11,295 Oh, nice. Can I come? 434 00:20:11,363 --> 00:20:12,630 No, that would defeat the purpose. 435 00:20:12,697 --> 00:20:14,498 What is the purpose? 436 00:20:14,566 --> 00:20:16,534 You kidding? Escape. Outta here. Mm. 437 00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,936 Escape from pain and rage and responsibility. 438 00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:20,504 Escape from humanity. 439 00:20:20,572 --> 00:20:22,039 I mean, trees don't murder people. 440 00:20:22,107 --> 00:20:23,541 - Trees are not racist. - Mm-hmm. 441 00:20:23,608 --> 00:20:25,443 Trees do not politicize a disease 442 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:26,577 and convince millions of people 443 00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:28,012 not to protect themselves and others 444 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,247 by using a simple piece of dn fabric on their faces, so... 445 00:20:30,315 --> 00:20:32,183 Trees don't even have faces. 446 00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:33,350 You know what? Maybe you can come. 447 00:20:35,387 --> 00:20:36,620 Ohh! 448 00:20:41,693 --> 00:20:44,328 Uh, primary repair of the stomach... 449 00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:46,163 ...diaphragm, splenectomy, 450 00:20:46,231 --> 00:20:48,432 and repair of ventricular injury... 451 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,191 All intact. 452 00:20:50,902 --> 00:20:53,671 Ultimately died from coagulopathy. 453 00:20:53,738 --> 00:20:56,040 - Like I told you. - Well, now we have it in writing. 454 00:20:56,108 --> 00:20:58,275 Which will make the M&M go smoothly. 455 00:20:58,343 --> 00:20:59,877 The M&M? 456 00:20:59,945 --> 00:21:01,912 Bailey, what in the hell are you trying to prove? 457 00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,881 It's Andrew DeLuca. 458 00:21:03,949 --> 00:21:06,183 He gave five years of his e to this hospital. 459 00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:07,918 We own him due diligence. 460 00:21:07,986 --> 00:21:10,654 What about what you owe to your doctors that are still here? 461 00:21:10,722 --> 00:21:13,124 The ones who've sacrificed their lives to fight a pandemic, 462 00:21:13,191 --> 00:21:16,393 who hardly sleep or eat or even shower, 463 00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:18,429 who see their families on screens... 464 00:21:18,497 --> 00:21:21,499 Their faces are full of bruises because of the damn PPE, 465 00:21:21,566 --> 00:21:23,901 and now you want them to sit in front of a computer 466 00:21:23,969 --> 00:21:25,836 and be grilled on whether they messed up 467 00:21:25,904 --> 00:21:27,671 trying to save one of their own? 468 00:21:27,739 --> 00:21:29,673 Let them grieve, for God's sake! 469 00:21:37,382 --> 00:21:39,448 You are causing me harm. 470 00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:44,245 You are causing harm to Hunt and Altman. 471 00:21:45,023 --> 00:21:48,592 DeLuca was a victim of a horrible crime, 472 00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,528 and he lost too much blood. 473 00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:54,565 No mistakes were made, no stitch was missed. 474 00:21:54,633 --> 00:21:56,400 And the mere suggestion that any of us 475 00:21:56,468 --> 00:21:59,803 didn't do everything possible to save his life... 476 00:22:02,307 --> 00:22:04,642 ...it's a pain I wouldn't put on anyone. 477 00:22:17,622 --> 00:22:19,757 I want you closer. 478 00:22:19,824 --> 00:22:22,293 Could you please just come here? 479 00:22:24,029 --> 00:22:26,597 Do you remember when you were trying to teach Zola 480 00:22:26,665 --> 00:22:28,299 how to ride a bike? 481 00:22:28,366 --> 00:22:30,334 She got so frustrated because she couldn't, 482 00:22:30,402 --> 00:22:33,103 and she threw it down, and she goes, "Mama, you do it." 483 00:22:33,171 --> 00:22:36,173 And you couldn't stop laughing, and she got so mad. 484 00:22:36,241 --> 00:22:38,108 Well, I was trying not to laugh. 485 00:22:38,176 --> 00:22:40,009 So am I. 486 00:22:40,745 --> 00:22:43,304 I can't do it for you. 487 00:22:44,049 --> 00:22:45,389 It's your beach. 488 00:22:46,618 --> 00:22:48,485 Zola's amazing, isn't she? 489 00:22:48,553 --> 00:22:51,755 I mean, she's just so brilliant. 490 00:22:51,823 --> 00:22:53,324 She writes me letters in her journal. 491 00:22:53,391 --> 00:22:54,592 Did you know that? 492 00:23:01,099 --> 00:23:03,167 Well, what is that? What is that face? 493 00:23:03,235 --> 00:23:05,436 Would you start a surgery with a face like that? 494 00:23:05,503 --> 00:23:06,503 No! 495 00:23:06,571 --> 00:23:07,625 No. 496 00:23:07,669 --> 00:23:09,039 You would relax. 497 00:23:32,497 --> 00:23:33,764 It hasn't been that long. 498 00:23:33,832 --> 00:23:36,200 Maybe we could decrease sedation a bit further, 499 00:23:36,268 --> 00:23:37,601 at least run another ABG. 500 00:23:37,669 --> 00:23:39,136 And hope she doesn't go into cardiac arrest 501 00:23:39,204 --> 00:23:41,111 while we wait for the results? 502 00:23:41,473 --> 00:23:43,207 I'm turning the settings back up. 503 00:23:45,310 --> 00:23:46,877 Grey's staying on the vent. 504 00:23:57,643 --> 00:23:59,229 How's the book report coming? 505 00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:03,114 That was one of my favorites. 506 00:24:03,182 --> 00:24:04,682 That's what grownups say to convince you 507 00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,017 to finish your homework. 508 00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:07,972 You got me there. 509 00:24:08,645 --> 00:24:11,481 I'm supposed to write a whole page about living forever. 510 00:24:11,555 --> 00:24:14,524 Mom says it's impossible. So what's the point? 511 00:24:14,585 --> 00:24:17,720 Your mom is pretty smart. 512 00:24:19,723 --> 00:24:22,805 If I made a medicine where you could live forever, 513 00:24:22,888 --> 00:24:23,993 would you take it? 514 00:24:24,061 --> 00:24:25,568 I don't know. 515 00:24:25,634 --> 00:24:26,929 Uncle Link said, "Heck yeah." 516 00:24:26,997 --> 00:24:29,465 That sounds like him. 517 00:24:29,533 --> 00:24:31,434 Me, I don't know. 518 00:24:31,502 --> 00:24:35,465 I think the fact that we can't live forever 519 00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:39,409 is one of the things that makes life so special. 520 00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,062 Impermanence. 521 00:24:41,130 --> 00:24:42,830 I think if we could live forever, 522 00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,466 we'd spend so much time losing the people that we love 523 00:24:45,534 --> 00:24:47,669 instead of holding tight while we still can. 524 00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:49,604 Impermanence. 525 00:24:49,672 --> 00:24:51,139 I like that word. 526 00:24:51,206 --> 00:24:52,547 Me too. 527 00:24:52,611 --> 00:24:56,444 If I had the medicine, I'd give it to my mom right now. 528 00:24:56,512 --> 00:24:58,179 Me too. 529 00:25:00,149 --> 00:25:01,916 Hey, you want to call her? 530 00:25:01,984 --> 00:25:03,444 Alright. 531 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:11,759 Hello there. 532 00:25:11,827 --> 00:25:12,927 Can we have a minute? 533 00:25:12,995 --> 00:25:13,996 Of course. 534 00:25:15,731 --> 00:25:19,333 Hi, Mommy. I miss you so much. 535 00:25:19,401 --> 00:25:20,835 I love you. 536 00:25:20,903 --> 00:25:24,906 Um, I've been writing a page about living forever. 537 00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:27,709 How are you doing? 538 00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,210 It didn't work? 539 00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:31,379 Altman wants to try again in a day or so. 540 00:25:36,853 --> 00:25:38,754 When I lost my wife, um... 541 00:25:41,223 --> 00:25:42,557 ...the therapist, she said that 542 00:25:42,624 --> 00:25:46,394 there's no wrong way to process the loss, 543 00:25:46,462 --> 00:25:48,029 the grief. 544 00:25:49,698 --> 00:25:51,699 But there is. 545 00:25:53,035 --> 00:25:55,136 Over a bloody computer scr, it's... 546 00:25:57,106 --> 00:25:58,873 ...it's wrong. 547 00:25:58,941 --> 00:26:00,541 Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank. 548 00:26:00,609 --> 00:26:03,111 Dr. Lyon, call the blood bank. 549 00:26:05,714 --> 00:26:06,981 OhhOh! 550 00:26:07,049 --> 00:26:10,585 You know the rules. Who deserves it? 551 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,520 - Deserves what? Rules to what? - "Make it Sadder." 552 00:26:12,588 --> 00:26:14,188 We tell our sob stories, 553 00:26:14,256 --> 00:26:18,192 and whosever story is saddest wins the last shot. 554 00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:19,827 "Make it Sadder"? That's fun? 555 00:26:19,895 --> 00:26:20,928 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 556 00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:22,630 Okay. Alright. I'll be the judge. 557 00:26:22,698 --> 00:26:23,758 - I'll be the judge. Alright, go. - Okay. 558 00:26:23,804 --> 00:26:25,166 Alright. 559 00:26:25,234 --> 00:26:28,436 I am currently raising four children 560 00:26:28,504 --> 00:26:30,805 in a hellscape of a world 561 00:26:30,873 --> 00:26:32,707 where people don't listen to science. 562 00:26:32,775 --> 00:26:35,576 My parents are going ahead with their second wedding 563 00:26:35,644 --> 00:26:37,011 even though there's a pandemic, 564 00:26:37,079 --> 00:26:38,713 so they'll probably get sick and die. 565 00:26:38,781 --> 00:26:42,150 And, uh, my last shred of me-time... 566 00:26:42,217 --> 00:26:43,451 Sneaking an occasional drink, 567 00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:45,019 which was already pretty pathetic, 568 00:26:45,087 --> 00:26:48,489 I know... is now ruined. 569 00:26:48,557 --> 00:26:50,792 - Yeah. - Mm, alright. 570 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:56,397 I had plans the weekend that everything shut down. 571 00:26:56,465 --> 00:26:58,900 I had crawled out of my depression, 572 00:26:58,967 --> 00:27:02,904 and I was all set to start over by... 573 00:27:02,971 --> 00:27:05,419 going... 574 00:27:05,459 --> 00:27:08,476 ...going on dates. 575 00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,677 - Oh, yeah. - Aww! 576 00:27:09,745 --> 00:27:11,412 Okay, yes, yes. 577 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,033 You guys, I even bought outfits, okay? 578 00:27:14,058 --> 00:27:17,400 - Alright. - Hang on. Okay. Ah! Okay. 579 00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:19,353 Let me show you. 580 00:27:19,421 --> 00:27:22,490 What do we have? Oh, this is cute, right? 581 00:27:22,558 --> 00:27:26,394 The perfect thing to declare someone dead in. 582 00:27:26,461 --> 00:27:27,595 Oh, what about this? 583 00:27:27,663 --> 00:27:29,564 This, for the, um, career girl 584 00:27:29,631 --> 00:27:31,999 that just spent, um, seven hours 585 00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:34,669 making more room for bodies on the morgue truck. 586 00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:36,971 Or... Or... 587 00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:38,606 How about this? 588 00:27:38,674 --> 00:27:42,577 This, for... for the funeral of a co-worker 589 00:27:42,644 --> 00:27:44,897 who got stabbed to death... 590 00:27:45,614 --> 00:27:49,735 who doesn't even get a funeral. 591 00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:56,724 Okay, Jo wins the last shot. 592 00:27:58,927 --> 00:28:00,728 No, no! 593 00:28:00,796 --> 00:28:01,829 - Yes. - No way. Unh-unh. 594 00:28:01,897 --> 00:28:02,964 - Unh-unh. - Thank you so much. 595 00:28:03,031 --> 00:28:06,901 She has an entire loft all to herself! 596 00:28:06,969 --> 00:28:07,835 Mnh-mnh. 597 00:28:09,304 --> 00:28:10,271 - Hold on. - Ahh! 598 00:28:11,406 --> 00:28:12,707 What's that? 599 00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:13,808 It's Richard. 600 00:28:13,876 --> 00:28:15,676 The memorial for DeLuca is tonight. 601 00:28:18,347 --> 00:28:19,981 Alright, I'll drive. 602 00:28:20,048 --> 00:28:22,768 Let's, um, get ready. 603 00:28:23,752 --> 00:28:25,219 Orderly to 6 East. 604 00:28:45,073 --> 00:28:47,241 Hey. Uh, just moved Mr. Cabrera up here. 605 00:28:47,309 --> 00:28:48,609 Another complete white-out. 606 00:28:48,677 --> 00:28:49,543 How's Meredith? 607 00:28:49,611 --> 00:28:51,171 Um, uh... 608 00:28:51,747 --> 00:28:53,180 It... It didn't work. 609 00:28:53,248 --> 00:28:55,616 And I'm questioning why I even thought it would. 610 00:28:55,684 --> 00:28:58,786 Well, DeLuca's autopsy results came back. 611 00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:00,421 We did everything that we could. 612 00:29:00,489 --> 00:29:02,056 I know that. 613 00:29:03,792 --> 00:29:05,394 And he's still dead. 614 00:29:17,639 --> 00:29:20,408 Your kids call every on a video chat. 615 00:29:20,475 --> 00:29:22,143 Don't know if you can hear them. 616 00:29:24,246 --> 00:29:25,880 Don't even know if you can hear me now. 617 00:29:29,518 --> 00:29:31,052 You look perfect. 618 00:29:35,324 --> 00:29:36,857 Maybe... Maybe 619 00:29:36,925 --> 00:29:38,960 it's none of my business, Grey, 620 00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,795 but I'm begging you. 621 00:29:40,862 --> 00:29:42,063 Fight. 622 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,560 That's up to you. 623 00:29:47,015 --> 00:29:48,649 But if you're asking me, 624 00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:49,870 you should hear him out. 625 00:29:49,938 --> 00:29:51,639 They need you, Grey. 626 00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,174 The little one... 627 00:29:53,241 --> 00:29:55,443 - Ellis. - She looks just like you. 628 00:29:55,510 --> 00:29:57,745 She got all your expressions. 629 00:29:57,813 --> 00:29:59,113 She doesn't smile easy or often, 630 00:29:59,181 --> 00:30:02,383 but when she does, sweet Jesus, it lights up the room. 631 00:30:02,451 --> 00:30:04,352 What did you do to make her smile? 632 00:30:04,419 --> 00:30:05,386 You shoulda seen it... 633 00:30:05,454 --> 00:30:07,021 She smiles and she smiles, 634 00:30:07,089 --> 00:30:09,423 and it gets bigger and bigger until... 635 00:30:09,491 --> 00:30:11,726 Boom! She just bursts out laughing. 636 00:30:11,793 --> 00:30:14,128 What did you do to make her laugh? 637 00:30:14,196 --> 00:30:16,330 Then her brother gets annoyed because she's laughing so hard 638 00:30:16,398 --> 00:30:17,431 right in his ear. 639 00:30:17,499 --> 00:30:18,466 That's Bailey. 640 00:30:18,533 --> 00:30:19,734 And then the oldest one comes in, 641 00:30:19,801 --> 00:30:22,536 and she takes the tablet and says they're hogging it 642 00:30:22,604 --> 00:30:23,871 and that she needs time with you, too, 643 00:30:23,939 --> 00:30:27,641 because she's the oldest and she's your favorite. 644 00:30:27,709 --> 00:30:29,510 Zola. 645 00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:32,913 Then I hear a click and a lock, but we're in darkness. 646 00:30:32,981 --> 00:30:35,750 Can't tell who has it, 'cause I can't see a face. 647 00:30:35,817 --> 00:30:39,420 But then I hear a voice, and it's the oldest one. 648 00:30:39,488 --> 00:30:41,889 And she's sittin' in the dark. 649 00:30:41,957 --> 00:30:43,691 She's in her closet. 650 00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:46,327 That's where she goes to write letters to her dad. 651 00:30:46,395 --> 00:30:49,463 And she says, "I'm really sorry, Mum. 652 00:30:49,531 --> 00:30:51,399 Didn't mean for things to get so violent. 653 00:30:51,466 --> 00:30:54,435 Ellis can be truly infuriating." 654 00:30:56,538 --> 00:30:58,672 They need you, Grey. 655 00:30:58,740 --> 00:30:59,974 I know. 656 00:31:00,042 --> 00:31:01,375 They need you to fight. 657 00:31:06,915 --> 00:31:08,992 We all need you to fight. 658 00:31:09,651 --> 00:31:12,586 I don't know that I can. 659 00:31:12,654 --> 00:31:16,023 It's... so warm here. 660 00:31:16,091 --> 00:31:18,292 The water is so cool. 661 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,494 I feel so relaxed. 662 00:31:20,562 --> 00:31:21,989 And there's no pain. 663 00:31:22,014 --> 00:31:23,545 I watched my kids lose their mum. 664 00:31:23,658 --> 00:31:25,359 You don't want that for your kids, Grey. 665 00:31:25,434 --> 00:31:27,601 There are people getting better here every day. 666 00:31:27,669 --> 00:31:29,970 You could be one of those people. 667 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,308 I believe that you could. 668 00:31:34,376 --> 00:31:35,943 'Cause I've heard the stories about other fights 669 00:31:36,011 --> 00:31:37,344 you've already won, so... 670 00:31:38,647 --> 00:31:41,082 So I'm asking you to fight. 671 00:31:42,417 --> 00:31:44,218 You fight, Grey. 672 00:31:45,554 --> 00:31:47,154 It's okay. 673 00:31:47,222 --> 00:31:49,156 I'll be right here. 674 00:32:21,298 --> 00:32:24,009 Dr. Webber set something up for DeLuc. 675 00:32:24,534 --> 00:32:25,761 A memorial. 676 00:32:34,010 --> 00:32:35,310 I'm not a great Jew. 677 00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:41,149 I cheated at my bar mitzvah. 678 00:32:41,217 --> 00:32:45,420 I was too busy trying to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins 679 00:32:45,488 --> 00:32:47,289 that I didn't learn Hebrew, 680 00:32:47,357 --> 00:32:50,192 so I just wrote it out phonetically, and read that instead. 681 00:32:50,259 --> 00:32:54,229 I skip half the High Holy Days and repent for it at Yom Kippur. 682 00:32:54,297 --> 00:32:56,416 And if I'm honest, I... 683 00:32:56,899 --> 00:32:58,834 go back and forth about believing in God, 684 00:32:58,901 --> 00:33:01,088 which is actually very Jew, but... 685 00:33:01,904 --> 00:33:04,639 It's the traditions that I find helpful. 686 00:33:06,376 --> 00:33:09,544 When a loved one dies, we have... 687 00:33:09,612 --> 00:33:12,974 rules about how to grieve and move on. 688 00:33:13,516 --> 00:33:14,916 Protocols. 689 00:33:14,984 --> 00:33:19,821 We force ourselves to sit in the pain. 690 00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:21,400 We cry. 691 00:33:22,592 --> 00:33:24,326 And we laugh. 692 00:33:24,394 --> 00:33:26,446 And we eat a lot. 693 00:33:27,030 --> 00:33:29,408 And it doesn't bring the person back, 694 00:33:30,992 --> 00:33:33,260 but it does start the healing. 695 00:33:37,373 --> 00:33:39,307 Chief, your mom died. 696 00:33:43,479 --> 00:33:44,746 My mom makes me crazy, 697 00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:47,516 but I'm gonna fall apart when she dies. 698 00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:51,319 And you have people you can be with. 699 00:33:52,702 --> 00:33:57,272 People who love you and miss you and need to grieve with you. 700 00:33:59,062 --> 00:34:01,496 This pandemic has taken so much. 701 00:34:03,499 --> 00:34:05,100 Don't give it that, too. 702 00:34:21,884 --> 00:34:23,251 Hey. 703 00:34:23,319 --> 00:34:24,653 Oh, sorry. 704 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:28,223 Um, I'm about to head back in to check on Mr. Gibbis. 705 00:34:28,291 --> 00:34:30,158 He's sedated and stable. 706 00:34:30,226 --> 00:34:32,554 You gonna go to the memorial? 707 00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:35,557 I thought bad things about him. 708 00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:41,923 When he was sick, I thought, "Great, more surgeries for me." 709 00:34:42,105 --> 00:34:44,072 I had no compassion. 710 00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:46,174 And now he's just... 711 00:34:46,242 --> 00:34:47,742 dead. 712 00:34:47,810 --> 00:34:48,877 And we can't hug. 713 00:34:48,945 --> 00:34:51,146 And as a rule, I hate hugs, but... 714 00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:55,784 ...I haven't physically touched anyone without gloves 715 00:34:55,852 --> 00:34:57,152 in over two months, 716 00:34:57,220 --> 00:35:01,156 and I-I feel like I'm turning into that pati. 717 00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:02,791 Another week of this and... 718 00:35:02,859 --> 00:35:05,093 I'll be running through the hospital naked. 719 00:35:06,295 --> 00:35:08,763 Stand up. 720 00:35:08,831 --> 00:35:10,065 And turn around. 721 00:35:10,133 --> 00:35:11,533 I'm sorry? 722 00:35:11,601 --> 00:35:13,068 Just trust me. 723 00:35:36,893 --> 00:35:38,493 Thank you. 724 00:35:42,498 --> 00:35:43,999 Spread out, please. 725 00:35:44,066 --> 00:35:46,801 We may be outside, but we stl need to maintain our distanc. 726 00:36:12,995 --> 00:36:14,129 Richard. 727 00:36:15,264 --> 00:36:16,798 I'm... 728 00:36:16,866 --> 00:36:19,668 I need to take some time off. 729 00:36:19,735 --> 00:36:21,136 I'm not sure how long. 730 00:36:21,204 --> 00:36:23,171 But I-I need to go home. 731 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,040 However long you need. 732 00:36:27,944 --> 00:36:32,215 Everybody, can I have your attention, please? 733 00:36:32,762 --> 00:36:34,134 Thank you. 734 00:36:35,116 --> 00:36:38,118 I appreciate you all being here tonight. 735 00:36:38,254 --> 00:36:41,690 Grey-Sloan is a family. 736 00:36:41,757 --> 00:36:45,060 And Andrew DeLuca was a member of that family. 737 00:36:45,127 --> 00:36:48,063 And his death, however brave... 738 00:36:48,130 --> 00:36:50,899 Well, it's still heartbreaking. 739 00:36:50,967 --> 00:36:55,280 We can't honor his life like we might have in the pa, 740 00:36:56,091 --> 00:36:58,783 but we can still honor him. 741 00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:02,177 Dr. Perez? 742 00:38:36,405 --> 00:38:39,007 Hello. 743 00:38:39,075 --> 00:38:41,710 Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca, and I'm thrilled to be 744 00:38:41,777 --> 00:38:43,678 applying to the surgical residency program 745 00:38:43,746 --> 00:38:46,381 at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital. 746 00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:47,816 A bit about me. 747 00:38:47,883 --> 00:38:50,285 I am Italian, but I grew up in Wisconsin. 748 00:38:50,353 --> 00:38:52,020 A lot of doctors in my family, 749 00:38:52,088 --> 00:38:53,755 including my big sister, Carina. 750 00:38:53,823 --> 00:38:56,291 Um, I grew up stealing her game of Operation, 751 00:38:56,359 --> 00:38:58,526 so I guess you can say it's, uh, been a dream of e 752 00:38:58,594 --> 00:39:00,695 for a very long time. 753 00:39:00,763 --> 00:39:03,365 The idea of doing my training at Grey-Sloan 754 00:39:03,432 --> 00:39:05,600 and... and learning from surgical legends 755 00:39:05,668 --> 00:39:07,869 like Richard Webber and Miranda Bailey 756 00:39:07,937 --> 00:39:11,339 and Jackson Avery and Meredith Grey... 757 00:39:11,407 --> 00:39:14,409 uh, well, it just doesn't get any better than that. 758 00:39:14,477 --> 00:39:16,711 I think the reason I want to become a surgeon 759 00:39:16,779 --> 00:39:18,680 is that I've always had 760 00:39:18,748 --> 00:39:21,116 this insatiable desire to help people. 761 00:39:21,183 --> 00:39:25,186 And I think I get that from my mom, who I lost too soon. 762 00:39:25,254 --> 00:39:26,955 And, uh, she had this really giving heart, 763 00:39:27,022 --> 00:39:29,724 and she always pushed me to do as much good as poss, 764 00:39:29,792 --> 00:39:33,161 so I guess I'm doing this for her. 765 00:39:33,229 --> 00:39:34,996 Now, you should be warned, 766 00:39:35,064 --> 00:39:38,066 I can be relentless at times, and very stubborn. 767 00:39:38,134 --> 00:39:42,537 But I promise that, if I match with you... 768 00:39:45,107 --> 00:39:47,976 I will give you the very best of me. 769 00:39:48,043 --> 00:39:50,111 Thank you. 770 00:39:50,136 --> 00:39:52,070 Alright. 771 00:40:01,223 --> 00:40:03,425 At all costs, 772 00:40:03,450 --> 00:40:05,752 we avoid negative experiences. 773 00:40:18,498 --> 00:40:20,332 We ignore pain. 774 00:40:26,372 --> 00:40:29,241 We steer clear of the unfamiliar. 775 00:40:29,266 --> 00:40:31,034 We lie when asked about how we feel. 776 00:40:37,626 --> 00:40:39,594 We shouldn't do that. 777 00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:45,500 I stopped by the hospital for, um... 778 00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:47,135 I watched. 779 00:40:51,297 --> 00:40:52,764 I won't keep booze in the house anymore. 780 00:40:52,875 --> 00:40:54,742 That's not what I need from you. 781 00:40:57,136 --> 00:41:00,505 What I need from you is no more secrets. 782 00:41:00,616 --> 00:41:04,986 It's just... We have this baby together. 783 00:41:05,054 --> 00:41:08,022 We have this whole life together, so... 784 00:41:08,090 --> 00:41:10,692 I want to really know you. 785 00:41:11,994 --> 00:41:12,927 Deal. 786 00:41:14,730 --> 00:41:17,565 I reek of whiskey right now, or I would hug you. 787 00:41:17,633 --> 00:41:19,567 I will hold my breath. 788 00:41:32,715 --> 00:41:35,049 Because I've learned something from these last several months. 789 00:41:35,117 --> 00:41:36,184 Teddy? 790 00:41:40,055 --> 00:41:41,923 Hey. 791 00:41:44,994 --> 00:41:46,261 Teddy. 792 00:41:49,064 --> 00:41:50,899 I'm gonna take you home, okay? 793 00:41:52,501 --> 00:41:53,935 Okay. 794 00:42:02,378 --> 00:42:04,646 The body can only take so much. 795 00:42:04,670 --> 00:42:08,647 CREDITS