1
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:11,010
* Happy birthday, dear Carl *

2
00:00:11,237 --> 00:00:14,996
* Happy birthday to you *

3
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:18,183
* And Lenny More... *

4
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,428
Carl, for your birthday,
I oiled your barstool.

5
00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:26,433
- Y'ello.
- It's me, Homer.

6
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,361
Marge, I'm so sorry I'm still here.

7
00:00:29,588 --> 00:00:32,197
It's just, it's Carl's birthday.

8
00:00:32,424 --> 00:00:33,866
Right. It's Carl's birthday.

9
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:35,868
Then it's Lenny's half birthday.

10
00:00:36,095 --> 00:00:37,944
Then it's Canadian Thanksgiving.

11
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,873
Don't forget Tu BiShvat,
the Jewish Arbor Day.

12
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,025
Just don't drive home drunk, Homer.

13
00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:45,435
I'm serious.

14
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:49,048
Sometimes there's advantages
to living and dying alone.

15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,292
I could drive off a cliff,
free as a bird.

16
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,720
I'm heading home now.

17
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,963
- Moe, take my keys.
- Yeah, you got it, pal.

18
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,283
I'll keep 'em safe till you're sober.

19
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,801
Make me two sets of these

20
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,394
and get 'em to me by closing time.

21
00:01:06,049 --> 00:01:08,984
Homer, Homer,
let-let me call you an Uber.

22
00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:12,296
Are you, uh...

23
00:01:12,389 --> 00:01:13,480
Homer?

24
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,991
Geez, you're better off walking.

25
00:01:18,821 --> 00:01:20,304
Take me to Moe's.

26
00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:21,638
Hey. We're here.

27
00:01:21,807 --> 00:01:23,874
You're good. Five stars.

28
00:01:24,977 --> 00:01:28,087
* There's liquor on my brain *

29
00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:31,832
* I'm peeing in the drain *

30
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:35,076
* What a glorious feeling *

31
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:38,839
* I'm blotto again *

32
00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:42,250
* I'm talking too loud *

33
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,495
* Being friendly with Kirk *

34
00:01:45,664 --> 00:01:48,590
* There's no way in hell *

35
00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:51,985
* I'll be ready for work. *

36
00:01:53,355 --> 00:01:55,489
We have other cops in this town?

37
00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:01,269
Marge, um, you see,
there's a little hitch.

38
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,029
I'm in jail...

39
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:05,124
I knew it. I knew you'd screw up.

40
00:02:05,351 --> 00:02:07,793
I wasn't driving. I was walking.

41
00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:11,021
I wasn't a danger, just a disgrace.

42
00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:12,631
Don't come home tonight.

43
00:02:12,858 --> 00:02:14,383
- But...
- Just don't.

44
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,220
_

45
00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:24,050
I always thought that rock
bottom would feel more fun.

46
00:02:24,203 --> 00:02:26,720
Well, sometimes
when you're at rock bottom,

47
00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:29,890
anywhere you look,
you can see the stars.

48
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,151
- Cletus!
- Hiya, friend.

49
00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:34,728
What you said is very wise.

50
00:02:34,897 --> 00:02:36,897
Well, I went to M.I.T.T.

51
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:39,825
The Mississippi Institute
of Trailer Trash.

52
00:02:40,052 --> 00:02:41,234
Go, Book Burners.

53
00:02:42,255 --> 00:02:43,256
What are you in for?

54
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,722
Oh, cops don't respect us hill folk.

55
00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,316
Every three months,
they shut down my still

56
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,002
and take the hooch.

57
00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:53,747
Hey, this moonshine made me go blind!

58
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:56,082
Oh, wait, my hat's just over my eyes.

59
00:02:57,753 --> 00:02:59,419
Oh, wait. I am blind.

60
00:02:59,588 --> 00:03:01,346
At least your wife's not mad at you.

61
00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:02,681
Aw, well.

62
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:06,185
Hey, Officer!
This prison got itself a guitar?

63
00:03:06,412 --> 00:03:07,519
Of course.

64
00:03:07,746 --> 00:03:09,938
Yeah, I prefer acoustic.

65
00:03:12,008 --> 00:03:15,510
Well, since neither of us
can be home tonight,

66
00:03:15,604 --> 00:03:17,845
let me bring home to us.

67
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:23,202
* I had all the wealth
that a man could want *

68
00:03:23,353 --> 00:03:24,778
* A wife and some kids *

69
00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:28,373
* Who love me *

70
00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:30,116
* Apple blossoms *

71
00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,544
* And tasty possums *

72
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,121
* And the good Lord *

73
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,090
* Up above me *

74
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:41,795
* Fort Knox don't compare *

75
00:03:41,964 --> 00:03:44,114
* To what we got there *

76
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:47,726
* 'Cause our home is where *

77
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:52,564
* My gold is. *

78
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,641
Yes, it is.

79
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:58,795
Officer Lou, does this jail
have a self-reflection mirror?

80
00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,797
Here you go.

81
00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:02,632
I got to be a better man.

82
00:04:02,651 --> 00:04:04,576
For Marge and the kids and Grampa

83
00:04:04,803 --> 00:04:06,152
and the dog.

84
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,637
Don't you have a cat?

85
00:04:07,731 --> 00:04:09,164
Screw the cat.

86
00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:13,643
Kids?

87
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:15,045
Wake up.

88
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,330
_

89
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:18,906
I've got something important to say.

90
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,908
Now, I've got a confession to make.

91
00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:25,079
Your father spent last
night in the drunk tank.

92
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:28,416
- Pay up, Lis.
- Oh, why do I keep betting on

93
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:31,252
"working late to pay for my college"?

94
00:04:31,346 --> 00:04:33,087
Well, from now on, put your money on

95
00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:35,757
"comes home and sets a perfect example."

96
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:37,425
Good morning, Homer.

97
00:04:37,594 --> 00:04:40,094
Young man, stand up
when a lady enters the room.

98
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,096
Especially a fine woman like your ma.

99
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,431
You still pickled?

100
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,200
On your feet, boy!

101
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,102
Gee, thank you, Homie.

102
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:49,937
I'm a changed man, Marge.

103
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:51,939
Now, let us join hands in prayer.

104
00:04:52,108 --> 00:04:53,941
Are we gonna get food after?

105
00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:55,943
- No.
- Did somebody croak?

106
00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:58,021
- No.
- Did you buy a Powerball ticket?

107
00:04:58,114 --> 00:05:01,008
I just want to say
a lousy prayer, okay?!

108
00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:04,711
Lord, we humbly ask you
to bless this family

109
00:05:04,863 --> 00:05:07,727
and keep us mindful to
care one for the other.

110
00:05:07,762 --> 00:05:09,699
- Amen.
- Amen.

111
00:05:09,793 --> 00:05:12,035
Sweetie, what's gotten into you?

112
00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:14,554
I'm a new, better man, thanks to Cletus.

113
00:05:14,706 --> 00:05:16,222
Huh. You know what?

114
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,891
I believe you.

115
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,377
And that was that.

116
00:05:23,048 --> 00:05:24,898
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We ain't done.

117
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,641
We got two more acts.

118
00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:28,735
And a "whittled by" credit.

119
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:38,728
Hi, Homie.
Remember anything from last night?

120
00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:40,897
I remember I'm a better man.

121
00:05:41,860 --> 00:05:43,132
It stuck!

122
00:05:43,326 --> 00:05:46,252
I don't forget important things.

123
00:05:46,421 --> 00:05:47,661
Where the hell's my car?

124
00:05:49,424 --> 00:05:53,000
Just once, I wanted to feel
like a man who owned a car.

125
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:03,344
Marge, kids, this is the man
that turned me around.

126
00:06:03,512 --> 00:06:05,012
What, this goober?

127
00:06:05,181 --> 00:06:07,848
No, my wife's family is Goobers.

128
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,851
I come from a long line of No-Accounts.

129
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,779
* I woke from my dreamin' *

130
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,357
* With my love, Brandine *

131
00:06:16,806 --> 00:06:18,451
* The gal I got pregnant *

132
00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:22,288
* When we was 16. *

133
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:27,627
Aw. No one sweet-talks me
like you, goat lips.

134
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:31,527
_

135
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,634
Cletus, you changed my life.

136
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,620
How would you like for
me to change yours?

137
00:06:37,713 --> 00:06:40,398
You ain't pitchin' me
on a pyramid scheme, is you?

138
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:42,959
'Cause if so, I'm in.

139
00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:46,237
No, no, no. The world's got to
hear what you've got to say.

140
00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,298
Well, I'll be daggadoobedubbit.

141
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:51,242
Why'd you bring me to a parking lot?

142
00:06:51,469 --> 00:06:53,411
Hey, if it's to find baby names,

143
00:06:53,638 --> 00:06:57,490
I already gots Camry,
Festiva, Compact Only

144
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,158
and Denver Boot.

145
00:06:59,327 --> 00:07:00,660
No, no, no.

146
00:07:00,828 --> 00:07:04,464
We're gonna start your
singing career right here.

147
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,365
_

148
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,838
S-Singing career?

149
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,433
If you can reach an audience
the way you reached me...

150
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,268
Did you ever see A Star Is Born

151
00:07:17,495 --> 00:07:19,270
with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga?

152
00:07:19,497 --> 00:07:22,589
- No.
- How about with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson?

153
00:07:22,684 --> 00:07:25,426
- No, sir.
- James Mason and Judy Garland?

154
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,595
Oh, no. Just What Price Hollywood?

155
00:07:28,690 --> 00:07:30,782
with Constance Bennett
and Lowell Sherman,

156
00:07:31,009 --> 00:07:33,618
upon which A Star Is Born is based.

157
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,029
Whatever. I can make you a star.

158
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,456
My pappy's gon' manage you.

159
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,032
Whoa diggity!

160
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,202
Your future's brighter than
a polecat in a henhouse.

161
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,354
Hey, if you're gonna speak hillbilly,

162
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:47,373
practice your enuncification.

163
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,302
Use your adverbs proper-like,
dad gummitly.

164
00:07:51,529 --> 00:07:53,879
- Yes'm.
- We's powerful sorry.

165
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,549
Well, I do need
to find a way to make a living,

166
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,384
since Wiggum shut me down.

167
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,312
And I swore I would never
go back to retail...

168
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,964
which means putting
tails back on animals.

169
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,209
You got any experience?

170
00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:08,544
I once managed a beautiful woman

171
00:08:08,637 --> 00:08:10,546
who was not my wife.

172
00:08:10,639 --> 00:08:12,565
It ended the way you'd expect.

173
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,308
12 gold records.

174
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:18,237
But I promise I'll always
shoot straight with you,

175
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,072
unless we're actually using real guns.

176
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,558
In which case I always
blast randomly in a circle.

177
00:08:22,727 --> 00:08:24,002
Do we have a deal?

178
00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:26,746
Whoa, not so fast there.

179
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,065
Show business has screwed
up a lot of country folk,

180
00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:30,657
from Elvis to Britney.

181
00:08:30,826 --> 00:08:32,084
And Mister Ed.

182
00:08:32,237 --> 00:08:35,013
Did you know that he
was a heroin addict?

183
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,756
A horse on horse?

184
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,516
Of course, of course.

185
00:08:38,743 --> 00:08:40,351
Look, I'll do the dirty work.

186
00:08:40,578 --> 00:08:42,353
Now, here's the standard contract.

187
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:44,355
Hmm.

188
00:08:44,582 --> 00:08:46,507
Well, let me just
give this a quick gander.

189
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:47,674
Come here, gander.

190
00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:51,112
Okay, yeah, all right. We got a deal.

191
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,446
- Mm-hmm.
- _

192
00:09:00,598 --> 00:09:02,615
Homie, should our kids
be here this late?

193
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,358
I'm a family man now.

194
00:09:04,452 --> 00:09:07,119
And a family man does
things with his family.

195
00:09:07,288 --> 00:09:09,455
- I have math homework.
- Do it at the bar.

196
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,623
Okay, let's see.

197
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,459
I've got to draw a perfect circle.

198
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,627
There you go.

199
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,203
Th-Thank you.

200
00:09:16,297 --> 00:09:17,630
Uh, follow me, boys.

201
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:19,039
A-one and a-two,

202
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,300
and a-one and a-two and a...

203
00:09:21,469 --> 00:09:24,804
Three? When did that happen?

204
00:09:28,884 --> 00:09:30,476
* Out in the country *

205
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,311
* They ain't no nine-to-five *

206
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,146
* We don't get promoted *

207
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,981
* It's a fight to stay alive *

208
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,576
* We lean on our family *

209
00:09:38,727 --> 00:09:40,578
* When times is gettin' hard *

210
00:09:40,805 --> 00:09:42,655
* We're broke and we're dirty *

211
00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:44,582
* And we ain't too smart, mm *

212
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:46,642
* But hey, hey *

213
00:09:46,661 --> 00:09:48,735
* Here's what I got to say *

214
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,663
* You can keep your mansions *

215
00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,924
* And you can keep your yachts *

216
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:56,152
* I ain't needin' nothin'
'cept for everything I gots *

217
00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:57,578
* And I thank the Lord for that *

218
00:09:57,672 --> 00:09:59,155
That's me.

219
00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:01,657
* When I count my
blessings every night *

220
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:03,676
* Got my wife and my kids
and a belly full of ribs *

221
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,436
* Lord up above and
a whole lot of love *

222
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,772
* Wife and my kids and
a belly full of ribs *

223
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,774
* And I thank the Lord above. *

224
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,425
#RisingStar.

225
00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:13,002
#FleetwoodHick.

226
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:15,262
#KanyeWestVirginia.

227
00:10:15,356 --> 00:10:17,006
#YokelOno.

228
00:10:17,099 --> 00:10:19,008
#OkefenokeeKaraoke.

229
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:20,493
And send.

230
00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,105
_

231
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:29,201
Ah, Elin, I thought
I'd find you dancing.

232
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,704
Yes, I'm exactly as I seem.

233
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,433
- Well, I...
- Quiet!

234
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,025
Someone's getting clicks.

235
00:10:36,194 --> 00:10:39,119
Our next guest is from
America's heartland.

236
00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:43,224
Up-bup-bup!
Not on my white furniture, please.

237
00:10:52,543 --> 00:10:54,134
Not loud enough! Not loud enough!

238
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,544
Don't make me make you dance!

239
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,806
Get me a new audience.

240
00:11:06,391 --> 00:11:07,723
Howdy do, Elin?

241
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:10,317
You sure do look different
in person than you do

242
00:11:10,411 --> 00:11:12,486
in them Finding Nemo movies.

243
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,730
You know, Cletus, I've heard your fans

244
00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:16,657
will do anything you say.

245
00:11:16,825 --> 00:11:18,734
Oh, that can't be true.

246
00:11:18,827 --> 00:11:20,827
- Try it.
- Nah, go on.

247
00:11:20,996 --> 00:11:22,829
It's my show. Do as I say.

248
00:11:22,924 --> 00:11:26,667
Well, Elin,
we got ourselves a police chief

249
00:11:26,761 --> 00:11:28,669
in our town by the name of Wiggum.

250
00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:31,263
Now, I ain't got nothing
agin him, mind you,

251
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:35,067
but if you is my fans,
here's what I want you to do to him.

252
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:39,346
Something is going on here.

253
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,106
Something weird.

254
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,684
- Okay, help. Police!
- _

255
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:46,662
Never a cop around when you need one.

256
00:11:51,953 --> 00:11:53,711
Well, I want to thank you, my friend.

257
00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:55,379
You changed my life.

258
00:11:55,606 --> 00:11:57,864
I was nothing but a zero when I met you,

259
00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:00,384
but now I'm ten times that.

260
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:01,868
Come here, you.

261
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,643
Homer, stand up.

262
00:12:10,304 --> 00:12:12,638
I want you to know that I'm firing you

263
00:12:12,807 --> 00:12:15,215
and I'm replacing you
with a professional.

264
00:12:15,309 --> 00:12:18,359
Aw, nothing ever good
happens when you talk

265
00:12:18,394 --> 00:12:21,003
to the person sitting next
to you on an airplane.

266
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:24,726
_

267
00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:26,410
Uh, Homer, this here is a feller

268
00:12:26,562 --> 00:12:28,913
what wants to be my new manager.

269
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,323
- And you're letting him?
- Yeah, I don't know why.

270
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:34,143
There's just,
there's something about him, you know?

271
00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:36,587
Cletus, Cletus.

272
00:12:36,814 --> 00:12:38,814
Listen to how I say this.

273
00:12:38,907 --> 00:12:41,425
It's something everyone says,
but when I say it,

274
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:45,912
you will never hear it like
this as long as you live.

275
00:12:46,007 --> 00:12:47,914
I make it very special.

276
00:12:48,009 --> 00:12:49,033
How are you?

277
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,770
Ooh, I just got goose bumps.
Say it again.

278
00:12:52,997 --> 00:12:55,498
No. Listen to me. I love you.

279
00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:57,275
I am in love with you. This is real.

280
00:12:57,502 --> 00:12:59,835
Once you sign with me,
you can call me up at 3:00

281
00:12:59,928 --> 00:13:01,612
in the morning... I won't be mad.

282
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,507
I'll say, "What's wrong, boobie?
I love you."

283
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:07,693
I can't believe you're thinking
of signing with him.

284
00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:10,288
The way you changed my
life when we were in jail?

285
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,789
That means nothing to you?

286
00:13:12,016 --> 00:13:14,900
My friend,
what happens in jail stays in jail.

287
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,460
Unless it's breaking out of jail.

288
00:13:16,687 --> 00:13:18,854
Well, all I have to offer
is my friendship

289
00:13:18,947 --> 00:13:21,448
and the fact that you wouldn't
be here if not for me.

290
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,859
That's your closer? That's pitiful.

291
00:13:23,952 --> 00:13:25,452
I don't love you.

292
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,696
Here's my closer. Spuckman!

293
00:13:27,865 --> 00:13:28,955
Duffman?

294
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,457
Now I'm Spuckman.

295
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:34,385
Because Duff replaced me
with a hard-partying cat.

296
00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:35,462
Me-ow!

297
00:13:35,556 --> 00:13:37,723
Clifford, we're gonna market your dreck

298
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,436
as "Spuckler Family Moonshine,"
internationally.

299
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:42,913
We'll say it's made by people

300
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:45,972
who actually wash their
hands voluntarily,

301
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,808
not 'cause of some sign.

302
00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:50,886
Hey, man, mine's all brewed
from pure mountain water

303
00:13:50,979 --> 00:13:53,238
from out behind the DuPont factory.

304
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,148
I'm going to assume that's a joke.

305
00:13:56,727 --> 00:13:58,169
But fun's for another time.

306
00:13:58,396 --> 00:14:01,080
We're gonna make you bigger
than Campbell's Soup.

307
00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:03,824
Not tomato or chicken noodle.
That would be impossible.

308
00:14:03,992 --> 00:14:06,235
But there's one of them
where they put in potatoes.

309
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:07,753
We'll make you bigger than that.

310
00:14:07,905 --> 00:14:10,163
Now, why don't you pick one
of these Hollywood actresses

311
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:11,998
to play your wife in the commercial?

312
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:13,684
Anyone you want. Just pick.

313
00:14:13,911 --> 00:14:16,002
Oh, I like this one.

314
00:14:16,097 --> 00:14:17,671
Oh, she'll never work with you.

315
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:18,849
Pick an ugly one.

316
00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:20,691
Well, what about Brandine?

317
00:14:20,918 --> 00:14:23,009
Aw, she'll always be my first love

318
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:24,941
and second cousin.

319
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:27,606
Well, this was a very good meeting.

320
00:14:27,758 --> 00:14:29,608
And welcome to UPM.

321
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,944
Here's a blank page... sign it.

322
00:14:32,096 --> 00:14:33,687
We'll fill in the rest.

323
00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:35,522
Give me a hug.

324
00:14:35,691 --> 00:14:37,433
No, that's not a hug.

325
00:14:37,526 --> 00:14:39,192
A Hollywood hug.

326
00:14:39,361 --> 00:14:41,146
Get him off. Get him off!

327
00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:46,467
And now your picture goes
up on our wall of fame.

328
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,779
Bert and Ernie?
I don't even think they're living.

329
00:14:50,873 --> 00:14:53,282
Hey, IMDb Bert and Ernie, will you?

330
00:14:53,451 --> 00:14:54,800
Do puppets die?

331
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,727
Hey, why does the Pope
have no merchandise?

332
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:59,304
Can't we come up with a little
doohickey you put on your desk

333
00:14:59,473 --> 00:15:02,274
that blows a colored smoke when
you're picked for something?

334
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:05,552
Everything he taught me was a lie.

335
00:15:05,646 --> 00:15:08,147
Maybe, but think what you became.

336
00:15:08,315 --> 00:15:09,815
A better husband.

337
00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:11,316
A better father.

338
00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,152
You can still be one.

339
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,319
Nah.

340
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,322
Hmm. Why are my eyes burnin'?

341
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,158
I'm just whippin' up another batch

342
00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:21,326
of my homemade family brew.

343
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:25,256
Let my longtime corporate
mascot tell you all about it.

344
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:27,591
Spuckler Family Moonshine.

345
00:15:27,818 --> 00:15:30,577
Lovingly distilled in
the heart of America.

346
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,838
Spuckler Family
Moonshine is distilled in Finland.

347
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,099
Not a single American was
employed in its manufacture.

348
00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:43,182
You have to help him
get back to his family.

349
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:46,318
Forget it. I'm through with
those slack-jawed, no-account...

350
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:50,931
examples of America at its finest.

351
00:15:51,025 --> 00:15:52,933
He was a great man until you ruint him.

352
00:15:53,027 --> 00:15:55,119
With your promises of short underwear

353
00:15:55,346 --> 00:15:56,787
and professional haircuts.

354
00:15:57,014 --> 00:15:59,105
You think you can play God,

355
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,292
wreck my life, and then just walk away?

356
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,186
First of all, I wasn't playing God.

357
00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:06,890
I was doing an original character.

358
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,466
Don't worry, we'll fix this.

359
00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:10,693
I don't know how, but we will.

360
00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:13,862
Unless Homer decides to
disregard my wishes completely.

361
00:16:14,031 --> 00:16:15,531
Hmm.

362
00:16:15,624 --> 00:16:17,032
Don't take time!

363
00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,893
All right.

364
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:28,544
What the...? Aw, I thought we was quits.

365
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,713
Listen, pal, you've ruined your life.

366
00:16:30,881 --> 00:16:33,549
You haven't just watched
A Star Is Born, you're living it.

367
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:36,218
No, man. A Star Is Born is about

368
00:16:36,311 --> 00:16:39,468
a star who fades and then kills hisself.

369
00:16:39,503 --> 00:16:40,889
This here is much more like

370
00:16:41,058 --> 00:16:43,667
a nice guy who's seduced by power,

371
00:16:43,853 --> 00:16:46,820
as in Elia Kazan's A Face in the Crowd.

372
00:16:46,914 --> 00:16:48,731
Dang, that's a good'un.

373
00:16:48,899 --> 00:16:50,824
How do you know so much about movies?

374
00:16:50,993 --> 00:16:53,402
Oh, well, Brandine and I once squatted

375
00:16:53,495 --> 00:16:55,662
inside an abandoned Blockbuster.

376
00:16:55,831 --> 00:17:00,059
That's where we conceived our twins:
Be Kind and Rewind.

377
00:17:01,336 --> 00:17:03,837
Forget that. You got to go
back home where you belong.

378
00:17:04,006 --> 00:17:06,172
Also, you owe me $27,000.

379
00:17:06,341 --> 00:17:10,343
Yeah, I'm afraid I donated
that to a children's hospital.

380
00:17:10,378 --> 00:17:11,645
You monster!

381
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,438
Look, Cletus, this isn't you.

382
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,181
What about your family?

383
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,609
Well, my family now is Carrie Underwood,

384
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:20,445
Taylor Swift and all of them Mumfords.

385
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:24,190
And everyone in BTS,
except for Jungkook.

386
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,360
He's too pretty for my tastes.

387
00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:29,621
Cletus, just answer me one thing:

388
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:33,033
after a long day of yokeling,
don't you miss coming home

389
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:36,369
to a woman who thinks you're
the most important thing on...

390
00:17:36,463 --> 00:17:38,138
God's green Earth?

391
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,934
Well, uh, now that you mention it.

392
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,310
* Then sit by my side *

393
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,904
* If you love me... *

394
00:17:54,131 --> 00:17:57,074
No, no, no, no, no more singin'!

395
00:17:57,225 --> 00:17:59,076
Not even talk singin'!

396
00:17:59,303 --> 00:18:04,323
Which is hardly singin' at all,
Mr. Lin-Manuel Miranda.

397
00:18:04,491 --> 00:18:07,159
Oh, Gummy Sue...

398
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:11,257
Jitney, Uber Black, Normal Head Joe,

399
00:18:11,292 --> 00:18:13,886
Disney Plus, oh, HBO Max,

400
00:18:13,921 --> 00:18:15,997
CBS All Access!

401
00:18:16,032 --> 00:18:20,098
Oh, man, they's all so beautiful.

402
00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:23,561
I'm goin' back to my family!

403
00:18:23,596 --> 00:18:24,918
Cancel my tour dates!

404
00:18:25,012 --> 00:18:26,770
Burn my masters!

405
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,772
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
let's not get crazy.

406
00:18:28,999 --> 00:18:30,757
You saved my life, Homer.

407
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:34,002
And then you ruined it,
and then you saved it again.

408
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:37,239
And for that, I am forever neutral.

409
00:18:39,793 --> 00:18:41,234
Listen to how I say this.

410
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:43,403
It's something everybody says,

411
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:45,721
but I say it better than anybody else.

412
00:18:46,472 --> 00:18:47,585
How are you?

413
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,076
Well, I don't...

414
00:18:49,244 --> 00:18:50,744
Don't talk. Just listen.

415
00:18:50,971 --> 00:18:53,321
You're gonna be a brand.

416
00:18:53,415 --> 00:18:56,157
I want to tell your stories.
Tell me your story.

417
00:18:56,251 --> 00:18:57,976
Not the person they see on the court.

418
00:18:58,145 --> 00:19:01,070
Well, my family didn't have much money,
and Daddy used to...

419
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,148
That is so relatable.

420
00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:04,649
Not to me. I'm rich.

421
00:19:04,742 --> 00:19:07,319
But, God,
I always wanted to live in poverty.

422
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:10,488
Now, all I ask is 15%
of your earnings for life.

423
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:12,991
Not your whole life.
After 80, it's all yours.

424
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:16,010
And when you retire,
you're gonna get a Netflix special.

425
00:19:16,179 --> 00:19:18,330
Actually,
everybody gets a Netflix special.

426
00:19:18,498 --> 00:19:19,755
Why do they even call them that?

427
00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:21,924
They should call them Netflix normals.

428
00:19:22,018 --> 00:19:24,594
You want a Netflix normal?
We'll get it for you.

429
00:19:24,688 --> 00:19:27,339
You want the Obamas to produce?
You got it.

430
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:29,599
Not Barack or Michelle...
that's impossible.

431
00:19:29,693 --> 00:19:32,119
Check on Malia, please!

432
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:33,936
Malia.

433
00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:35,680
No, it's not a country!

434
00:19:35,773 --> 00:19:37,466
Can I just say...?

435
00:19:39,019 --> 00:19:40,685
You don't have to talk.

436
00:19:40,704 --> 00:19:43,705
Not unless you're getting
paid a million dollars a word.

437
00:19:43,857 --> 00:19:46,299
And some of those words
can be "a" or "the."

438
00:19:46,526 --> 00:19:48,802
Listen, never say "won't" again.

439
00:19:49,029 --> 00:19:51,805
Say "will not."
'Cause that's $2 million.

440
00:19:52,032 --> 00:19:53,789
That's a Bentley.

441
00:19:53,958 --> 00:19:55,976
Have you ever been interested
in a roofing company?

442
00:19:56,203 --> 00:19:57,793
You're very tall.

443
00:19:57,813 --> 00:19:59,554
You're much closer to
roofs than most people.

444
00:20:00,275 --> 00:20:01,314
How about this?

445
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:03,483
I can book you as a
freak in a monster movie.

446
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:06,736
Or a dinosaur.
You're as big as a small dinosaur.

447
00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:10,323
We're trying to develop
an animated musical

448
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:13,493
about the dinosaurs
that survived the comet.

449
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,236
You could play a small dinosaur.

450
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:16,830
You jump out from a tree.

451
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,406
You sing a song.

452
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,741
We've already got one written.

453
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,668
It's called "I'm Still Here."

454
00:20:21,837 --> 00:20:23,578
Am I, am I reaching you?

455
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:24,880
Just sign already.

456
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,924
Okay. Looking for the next
musical superstar here.

457
00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:36,999
Uh, Barney,

458
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:39,911
see what you can do with this piccolo.

459
00:20:41,356 --> 00:20:44,582
Lady, you look like a cellist to me.

460
00:20:46,603 --> 00:20:48,086
Forget that.

461
00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:49,587
Jailbird, what about you?

462
00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,482
Um, I play the hacksaw.

463
00:20:52,609 --> 00:20:54,201
Hacksaw. Hacksaw.

464
00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:57,537
- Ah, here you go.
- All right!

465
00:20:57,689 --> 00:21:01,708
Uh, my first number is
"We've Gotta Get Out of This Place."

466
00:21:01,935 --> 00:21:05,119
I love it! Let me hear
that sweet, sweet sound.

467
00:21:07,274 --> 00:21:10,942
Ah, that is some beautiful hacksawing.

468
00:21:10,961 --> 00:21:12,944
Ah, yeah.

469
00:21:12,963 --> 00:21:14,721
Soothing. Ooh!

470
00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:17,707
Soon, I'm gonna be doing
some sawing myself.

471
00:21:17,801 --> 00:21:19,547
Ah, yeah.

472
00:21:19,803 --> 00:21:21,603
Oh, yeah.

473
00:21:29,970 --> 00:21:31,011
Shh!

474
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:36,938
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com