1
00:00:01,570 --> 00:00:04,007
Remind me how we got roped
into giving away the blood

2
00:00:04,032 --> 00:00:05,832
that's keeping us alive?

3
00:00:06,075 --> 00:00:08,008
Wendy signed us all
up when we were hungry.

4
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:09,732
She knew we weren't paying attention.

5
00:00:09,921 --> 00:00:11,922
I swear she used the
words "drag queen bingo,"

6
00:00:11,947 --> 00:00:13,741
or I never would have agreed.

7
00:00:14,398 --> 00:00:16,193
What if I walk out of
here and get hit by a bus

8
00:00:16,218 --> 00:00:18,304
and don't have enough
blood in my body to save me?

9
00:00:18,421 --> 00:00:20,297
Then they'll wheel
you right back in here

10
00:00:20,322 --> 00:00:21,788
and fill you full of mine.

11
00:00:21,975 --> 00:00:24,042
I would not take that offer.

12
00:00:25,003 --> 00:00:26,803
I just hate needles.

13
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:29,606
Except for Botox, which
actually helps people.

14
00:00:30,015 --> 00:00:31,175
You're gonna be fine.

15
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,005
I give blood every six months.

16
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:34,444
It's nothing to be scared of.

17
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:37,103
Wow. Some of these questions
are pretty personal.

18
00:00:37,128 --> 00:00:40,271
"Have you had unprotected sex
with someone you do not know... "

19
00:00:40,296 --> 00:00:42,785
- Yay, I'm out!
- "... in the last three months?"

20
00:00:42,818 --> 00:00:44,577
Damn it, I'm back in.

21
00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:48,657
We should be proud that we're
sober and we can do this.

22
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,727
There was a time when none
of us could've given blood

23
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,554
because of our lifestyles.

24
00:00:52,695 --> 00:00:55,648
So let's be grateful
and generous of spirit.

25
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,024
Oh, crap-a-doodle.

26
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,606
What's the matter? Is it number eight?

27
00:00:59,631 --> 00:01:01,465
"Have you taken money for sex?"

28
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:05,008
I started blood
thinners. I can't donate.

29
00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:06,828
Wait. Do you have 'em in
your purse? Give me one.

30
00:01:06,852 --> 00:01:10,591
Oh, I wish I was sick in the hospital

31
00:01:10,616 --> 00:01:11,882
and someone was bringing me

32
00:01:11,907 --> 00:01:14,227
a Valentine's bear with
a heart on his tummy.

33
00:01:14,252 --> 00:01:15,490
Mm.

34
00:01:15,515 --> 00:01:16,819
I'm not interested unless that bear

35
00:01:16,844 --> 00:01:18,330
is carrying jewelry.

36
00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,823
Adam and I never make a big
deal out of Valentine's Day.

37
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,659
Usually, by the time he
gets home from the bar,

38
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,950
I've already eaten my edible
underwear and gone to sleep.

39
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,496
I have a date with chicken fajitas

40
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,226
and Bridget Jones's Diary.

41
00:01:28,633 --> 00:01:31,827
Well, Gary and I have
a sexy Skype planned.

42
00:01:32,054 --> 00:01:33,702
Tammy, I may need your help

43
00:01:33,741 --> 00:01:36,288
getting off my compression
socks beforehand.

44
00:01:36,984 --> 00:01:39,274
Great. I have a date
with chicken fajitas,

45
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,466
Bridget Jones's Diary and
Marjorie's compression socks.

46
00:01:44,099 --> 00:01:45,498
Oh, there's Wendy.

47
00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:49,451
Wendy's kissing a man.

48
00:01:49,552 --> 00:01:51,119
Wendy's kissing a man!

49
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:52,811
I'm gonna faint before I give blood.

50
00:02:05,364 --> 00:02:10,364
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --

51
00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:17,385
I'm sorry I can't pet you, Gus.

52
00:02:17,869 --> 00:02:19,913
I gave blood.

53
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:25,148
You know, it can't always
be about you, you know.

54
00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,984
Hey.

55
00:02:28,009 --> 00:02:29,242
Hey.

56
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:33,788
- You all right?
- I spent all morning saving lives.

57
00:02:33,813 --> 00:02:35,554
I thought you were just giving blood.

58
00:02:35,579 --> 00:02:37,678
Not just any blood.

59
00:02:37,703 --> 00:02:41,239
AB negative, the rarest of all.

60
00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:44,436
The nurse called it the
"champagne of blood."

61
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,959
Juice me.

62
00:02:49,609 --> 00:02:52,252
Do you think you'll have
your strength back by Sunday?

63
00:02:52,277 --> 00:02:56,179
Oh, no. You're not still trying
to get me to church, are you?

64
00:02:56,358 --> 00:02:58,091
I can't drink the wine,

65
00:02:58,116 --> 00:03:00,718
and those crackers they
serve with it are terrible.

66
00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:03,157
Sunday is Valentine's Day,

67
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,849
and I'm taking you out
for a romantic dinner.

68
00:03:06,374 --> 00:03:08,804
Not chicken wings in
your office at the bar?

69
00:03:08,829 --> 00:03:12,866
Nope. Michelin star restaurant,
six-course tasting menu.

70
00:03:12,891 --> 00:03:15,692
Wear your highest heels
'cause I'm sitting down anyway.

71
00:03:16,617 --> 00:03:19,171
Oh, my God, our first Valentine's date.

72
00:03:19,939 --> 00:03:22,539
If I wasn't so weak, I'd kiss you.

73
00:03:23,706 --> 00:03:27,631
- I'll come to you.
- I'll do my best to muster a pucker.

74
00:03:30,284 --> 00:03:32,551
Oh, orange juice and Oreos.

75
00:03:32,593 --> 00:03:34,278
Just had a flashback to preschool.

76
00:03:34,303 --> 00:03:36,871
Not what you want when
you're kissing your wife.

77
00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:41,443
You know, Bonnie, it's
been more than 24 hours,

78
00:03:41,468 --> 00:03:42,951
so you can take that off now.

79
00:03:42,976 --> 00:03:44,313
Oh, is that still there

80
00:03:44,338 --> 00:03:47,539
from when I gave my very
rare blood to save lives?

81
00:03:47,718 --> 00:03:50,785
You're surprised? She wore her
"I Voted" sticker for a month.

82
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,989
I was excited. It was my first
time voting under my real name.

83
00:03:55,458 --> 00:03:57,158
Oh, Wendy's here.

84
00:03:57,183 --> 00:03:59,802
This is gonna be fun. Hey, girl!

85
00:03:59,827 --> 00:04:01,653
What's new? What's going on?

86
00:04:01,832 --> 00:04:04,265
Uh, I just got my hair cut.

87
00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:06,035
Well, not really cut, just
a trim. They call it...

88
00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:08,526
No one cares. Who's the guy?

89
00:04:08,705 --> 00:04:09,771
What guy?

90
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:12,154
The doctor you were playing doctor with.

91
00:04:12,179 --> 00:04:13,912
When we came to give blood...

92
00:04:13,937 --> 00:04:15,379
We saw you sucking face with him.

93
00:04:15,404 --> 00:04:17,035
Why have you been holding out on us?

94
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,426
Oh. Yeah.

95
00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:20,328
We've been kind of seeing each other.

96
00:04:20,353 --> 00:04:22,854
Yesterday, you went on and on
about the lint in your dryer,

97
00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:24,679
but nothing about Dr. Hot Lips?

98
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:28,268
It's new, and I was afraid
you guys would tease me.

99
00:04:28,293 --> 00:04:29,860
Wendy, we would never.

100
00:04:29,885 --> 00:04:32,452
Has he taken your temperature
yet? And if so, how?

101
00:04:32,592 --> 00:04:35,776
Can he prescribe satisfaction?

102
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,400
Does he recommend you stay horizontal

103
00:04:37,425 --> 00:04:38,725
with plenty of fluids?

104
00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:40,347
All right.

105
00:04:40,372 --> 00:04:43,073
All right, everybody
just leave Wendy alone.

106
00:04:43,098 --> 00:04:44,484
She's probably tired

107
00:04:44,509 --> 00:04:45,987
from all the booster
shots he's giving her.

108
00:04:47,669 --> 00:04:51,215
It's fun when you play.

109
00:04:51,248 --> 00:04:54,626
All right, tease all you want.
Armand and I are happy.

110
00:04:54,797 --> 00:04:56,864
Armand?

111
00:04:56,889 --> 00:04:59,156
Is his last name "Douché"?

112
00:05:00,548 --> 00:05:02,882
- Oh, my God.
- What?

113
00:05:03,843 --> 00:05:05,806
Gary just broke up with me.

114
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,273
- In a text?
- What did he say?

115
00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,858
I'm sorry. I need a minute.

116
00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:15,882
Poor Marjorie.

117
00:05:15,907 --> 00:05:18,491
Do you think this is some sort
of cosmic re-balancing?

118
00:05:18,516 --> 00:05:20,970
Like Wendy got a boyfriend
so Marjorie had to lose hers?

119
00:05:20,995 --> 00:05:23,202
It's the only plausible explanation.

120
00:05:24,174 --> 00:05:26,374
Ow! Damn it!

121
00:05:26,795 --> 00:05:28,265
What happened?

122
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:31,531
Oh, I was looking at
my phone, and I fell,

123
00:05:31,556 --> 00:05:33,590
like the stupid old woman I am.

124
00:05:33,615 --> 00:05:36,880
Ow! Oh, I really hurt my wrist.

125
00:05:36,905 --> 00:05:38,905
Oh. We should get you to the ER.

126
00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:41,327
Which in Wendy's case
is the Erection Room.

127
00:05:42,077 --> 00:05:43,809
No? I guess we're done.

128
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,200
Go.

129
00:05:48,405 --> 00:05:51,216
Is it weird that I feel like
Teen People really gets me?

130
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:52,974
No. You've got a youthful spirit

131
00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:54,874
and a giant crush on Harry Styles.

132
00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,349
- Huge news.
- Is Marjorie all right?

133
00:05:59,374 --> 00:06:00,640
No idea.

134
00:06:00,895 --> 00:06:02,528
I did a little
sleuthing, and I found out

135
00:06:02,553 --> 00:06:04,030
that Wendy's boyfriend
is a cardiologist.

136
00:06:04,054 --> 00:06:05,357
So I called my girlfriend Jenna,

137
00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:06,927
whose husband is also a cardiologist,

138
00:06:06,952 --> 00:06:08,443
to see if she had the scoop on him.

139
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:11,437
Ooh, good work. I bet he's a
model train guy or has a ferret.

140
00:06:11,462 --> 00:06:13,507
Thank you, but hold your ticket.

141
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,141
- He's married.
- What?!

142
00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:18,818
- I know. I couldn't believe it, either.
- Do you think she knows?

143
00:06:18,843 --> 00:06:20,313
Wendy would never date a married man.

144
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:21,982
- We have to tell her.
- Do we?

145
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,513
Last week, she cried when
the bistro ran out of soup.

146
00:06:24,538 --> 00:06:26,920
Of course we do. She's our
friend, and we care about her.

147
00:06:26,944 --> 00:06:28,457
But it's gonna break her heart.

148
00:06:28,482 --> 00:06:30,122
If we don't tell her,
six months from now,

149
00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,691
she's gonna be in Palm Springs with him,

150
00:06:31,716 --> 00:06:34,050
and his wife's gonna find
out and set her car on fire.

151
00:06:34,365 --> 00:06:35,593
Who would do that?

152
00:06:35,618 --> 00:06:38,053
I always forget you weren't
around for those stories.

153
00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:40,344
I never actually set
anybody's car on fire.

154
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,634
It's harder than you think.

155
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,769
All right, well, so
who's gonna tell her?

156
00:06:44,794 --> 00:06:46,161
Not me. I've made her cry enough.

157
00:06:46,186 --> 00:06:47,618
I got the scoop. I've done my part.

158
00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:48,997
Well, I don't want to do it.

159
00:06:49,022 --> 00:06:50,570
I just got her over being scared of me.

160
00:06:50,595 --> 00:06:52,206
So we're in agreement.
If Marjorie doesn't die

161
00:06:52,231 --> 00:06:54,635
from wrist-related complications,
we'll make her tell Wendy.

162
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,014
Good plan.

163
00:06:56,703 --> 00:06:58,136
Here she comes. Shh.

164
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,904
Oh, does my face look
like it knows too much?

165
00:06:59,929 --> 00:07:01,729
No, never.

166
00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:03,209
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

167
00:07:03,234 --> 00:07:05,521
- Hey.
- There she is.

168
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,703
Marjorie's gonna be fine.
It's just a slight fracture.

169
00:07:09,728 --> 00:07:11,963
She's getting a cast, and
then we can take her home.

170
00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:13,087
- Great.
- Super.

171
00:07:13,112 --> 00:07:15,318
So she's not gonna die.

172
00:07:19,709 --> 00:07:22,639
You know, you all didn't
have to come home with me.

173
00:07:22,664 --> 00:07:24,265
Well, I live here so
I was coming anyway.

174
00:07:25,482 --> 00:07:27,490
We just want to make sure you're okay.

175
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:28,915
I'm fine.

176
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,948
Doctor said my wrist will heal.

177
00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:32,438
Yeah, but you also just got dumped

178
00:07:32,463 --> 00:07:34,650
in a text right before Valentine's Day.

179
00:07:35,114 --> 00:07:36,819
Thank you for reminding me.

180
00:07:36,844 --> 00:07:39,799
We're all here because we love
you, and we just want to help.

181
00:07:39,824 --> 00:07:42,763
- Can I get you a pillow?
- If I need a pillow, I'll get one.

182
00:07:42,788 --> 00:07:45,506
Look around. It's like a
Pier 1 exploded in here.

183
00:07:46,381 --> 00:07:47,907
All right, no pillow.

184
00:07:47,932 --> 00:07:50,066
Do you want to talk about
what happened with Gary?

185
00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:51,657
No.

186
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:54,004
- Are you gonna call him?
- No.

187
00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:56,963
Well, I say good riddance.
We never liked him anyway.

188
00:07:57,065 --> 00:07:58,264
- Jill!
- What?

189
00:07:58,442 --> 00:07:59,475
Who didn't like him?

190
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:00,988
- All of us.
- Jill!

191
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:03,079
What? I'm just telling her the truth.

192
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:05,081
And as someone who's
recently been dumped herself,

193
00:08:05,106 --> 00:08:06,526
I know what you're going through,

194
00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:08,275
and I just want to say, men suck.

195
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,420
But Gary especially.

196
00:08:11,646 --> 00:08:13,027
Not all men suck.

197
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:15,518
Adam's great, 80%, 85% of the time.

198
00:08:16,569 --> 00:08:18,303
And I've got a great guy, too.

199
00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:26,379
- What?
- Well, if we'd gotten some alone time

200
00:08:26,404 --> 00:08:27,869
with Marjorie, she'd tell you.

201
00:08:27,894 --> 00:08:29,027
Tell her what?

202
00:08:30,331 --> 00:08:31,995
Okay, I'll jump in front of the bullet.

203
00:08:32,020 --> 00:08:33,587
Armand's married.

204
00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,579
I'm sorry. This must be devastating.

205
00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:38,948
Oh, I know he's married.

206
00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:40,538
- You do?
- Yeah.

207
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,161
Really? It's not ideal,
but I'm okay with it.

208
00:08:43,186 --> 00:08:44,618
But you never break the rules.

209
00:08:44,643 --> 00:08:46,510
You won't even smuggle
popcorn into a movie,

210
00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:48,035
and I know 'cause I've asked you to.

211
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,327
My purse was filled with cheeseburgers.

212
00:08:51,543 --> 00:08:53,962
Wait a minute. Your
boyfriend is married?

213
00:08:53,987 --> 00:08:55,897
I know you're old and
injured, but try to keep up.

214
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,200
How are you okay with this?

215
00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:02,259
You don't understand. We
had an instant connection.

216
00:09:02,386 --> 00:09:04,572
I've never been with
someone who's this into me.

217
00:09:04,597 --> 00:09:07,081
Yeah, well, I bet he was into
his wife at one point, too.

218
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,879
Honey, he'll say he'll leave
her, but he's never going to.

219
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:15,354
It's okay. I'm fine with
things the way they are.

220
00:09:17,284 --> 00:09:18,986
All right, since you didn't
have to break the news,

221
00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:21,122
you can jump right into your
lecture about how wrong this is.

222
00:09:21,146 --> 00:09:23,257
Do you want a glass of water,
cup of tea, or can you just go?

223
00:09:24,167 --> 00:09:26,716
- No lecture.
- Great. Straight to yelling.

224
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:29,896
Mm, we can do anything
we want in sobriety

225
00:09:29,921 --> 00:09:33,487
as long as we're willing
to accept the consequences.

226
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,691
Obviously, Marjorie is delirious.

227
00:09:35,716 --> 00:09:38,734
I'm jumping in. Somebody
make me some tea.

228
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,074
I have dated my share of married men...

229
00:09:41,099 --> 00:09:42,928
Back when I was drinking, not proud...

230
00:09:42,953 --> 00:09:44,711
And yes, the secrecy was exciting,

231
00:09:44,736 --> 00:09:47,063
and the thrill of that guy
getting something from me

232
00:09:47,088 --> 00:09:49,456
that he couldn't get from
his wife made me feel special.

233
00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:53,185
But here's what I didn't understand,

234
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,625
because I wasn't married:

235
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:57,522
That guy's wife is a
real person with feelings,

236
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:59,662
and she probably suspects something.

237
00:09:59,937 --> 00:10:02,455
So don't think you're not hurting
someone, because you are.

238
00:10:03,758 --> 00:10:05,462
You know what I think?

239
00:10:06,088 --> 00:10:08,281
I'm happy and you can't stand it.

240
00:10:15,506 --> 00:10:17,306
Do you still want the tea?

241
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:24,897
- This is beautiful.
- Yeah.

242
00:10:24,922 --> 00:10:27,094
Does it count as one
of those six courses?

243
00:10:27,119 --> 00:10:28,664
'Cause I may want to pace myself.

244
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,038
That is called an amuse-bouche.

245
00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:32,515
I did not know that.

246
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:33,917
I was told while you
were in the bathroom,

247
00:10:33,942 --> 00:10:35,382
after I said, "I hope the next course

248
00:10:35,407 --> 00:10:36,773
- comes on a bigger plate."
- Ah.

249
00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:40,031
Well, it looks delicious.
Should I take a picture?

250
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:41,956
No. I don't want to
be one of those people.

251
00:10:41,981 --> 00:10:43,080
Yes, I do.

252
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:45,835
You look gorgeous.

253
00:10:46,832 --> 00:10:48,698
I'm the luckiest man in the room.

254
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,906
I got a look at the crowd
on the way to the bathroom,

255
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,064
and yes, you are.

256
00:10:53,343 --> 00:10:56,531
I bought you a little
Valentine's Day gift.

257
00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:59,213
God, how much sex do you want tonight?

258
00:10:59,517 --> 00:11:01,461
W-We may have to push
till tomorrow morning,

259
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,220
after six courses and
this bouche situation.

260
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,444
Hey, you two.

261
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:11,793
Jill, what are you doing here?

262
00:11:11,818 --> 00:11:14,229
Oh, just picking up. I
paid for this months ago

263
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:16,054
when I thought I would
still have a boyfriend,

264
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,367
but at least I get to eat in
my sweats, so that's a win.

265
00:11:18,392 --> 00:11:20,826
Well, enjoy your Valentine's.

266
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:22,675
- Jill?
- Yeah.

267
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:23,832
Would you like to join us?

268
00:11:24,198 --> 00:11:27,455
- Oh, no. This is a couples-only zone.
- No, come on, sit down.

269
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,935
- Really?
- Absolutely.

270
00:11:30,804 --> 00:11:33,372
Okay. I'll go ask for a chair.

271
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,061
You are so wonderful.

272
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,723
Later, I'm gonna do something to you

273
00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:39,481
that's only legal in Thailand.

274
00:11:41,824 --> 00:11:44,748
Okay, I know this isn't
the night you had planned,

275
00:11:44,773 --> 00:11:46,182
but I worked really
hard on these fajitas,

276
00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:47,641
and I think you're gonna like 'em.

277
00:11:47,788 --> 00:11:48,887
I'm not hungry.

278
00:11:48,912 --> 00:11:51,273
- Well, they're there if you want 'em.
- I won't.

279
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,633
Then they're just there.

280
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:54,869
I was gonna watch Bridget Jones's Diary.

281
00:11:54,894 --> 00:11:55,879
Is that okay with you?

282
00:11:55,904 --> 00:11:59,039
A story about a woman who
can't keep her man? Why not?

283
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,633
Oh, I also have RoboCop.

284
00:12:00,658 --> 00:12:02,398
Impossible to see your
current situation in that,

285
00:12:02,423 --> 00:12:04,857
unless there's something
about Gary you haven't told us.

286
00:12:05,617 --> 00:12:07,815
I don't care.

287
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,218
I know this is hard for you,

288
00:12:10,243 --> 00:12:12,576
but you still have so
much to be grateful for.

289
00:12:12,891 --> 00:12:17,124
Like what? I'm old, I'm alone,
my bones snap like dry twigs,

290
00:12:17,149 --> 00:12:19,149
and I get to spend the next two weeks

291
00:12:19,174 --> 00:12:21,374
taking a shower with a
plastic bag on my arm.

292
00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:24,098
Is there anything I can
do to make you feel better?

293
00:12:24,123 --> 00:12:27,801
Go back in time and tell me
not to dump Wayne for Gary.

294
00:12:27,826 --> 00:12:29,230
I would if I could.

295
00:12:29,255 --> 00:12:31,888
Then I'd go further back in
time and invent the zipper.

296
00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:33,593
Though I don't know
when that was invented.

297
00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:35,483
It'd be pretty embarrassing
if I show up and say,

298
00:12:35,508 --> 00:12:36,706
"Hey, look what I invented!"

299
00:12:36,731 --> 00:12:39,461
Then the real zipper guy
is like, "Nice job, loser."

300
00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:41,848
Can you eat your
fajitas in your bedroom?

301
00:12:41,873 --> 00:12:43,144
Yes, I can.

302
00:12:45,616 --> 00:12:48,875
- Wendy, right?
- I know. A married man?

303
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,605
Mm. I can't stop thinking about it.

304
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,396
I finally got her to
stop thinking about it,

305
00:12:52,421 --> 00:12:54,043
so can we change the subject?

306
00:12:54,068 --> 00:12:56,534
I'm even willing to go
back to panty liners.

307
00:12:58,323 --> 00:13:01,158
This was set to be my
worst Valentine's Day ever,

308
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:02,723
and I'm having fun.

309
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:05,777
Oh, I'd say my worst was
waking up in a Colombian jail.

310
00:13:05,802 --> 00:13:07,068
Not sure how I got there.

311
00:13:07,093 --> 00:13:08,671
Something to do with
selling illegal eels.

312
00:13:10,602 --> 00:13:12,169
I was gonna tell a harrowing story

313
00:13:12,194 --> 00:13:13,759
about a flat tire in Fresno,

314
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:15,784
but I forgot who I
was having dinner with.

315
00:13:15,915 --> 00:13:17,867
It's hard to unseat the champ.

316
00:13:18,413 --> 00:13:19,879
Well, the truth is,

317
00:13:19,904 --> 00:13:22,838
all my Valentine's Days were
the worst before I met you.

318
00:13:23,228 --> 00:13:24,595
Aw.

319
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,023
I love you. Can I open my present now?

320
00:13:27,048 --> 00:13:29,746
There's a present? Go, go, go!

321
00:13:29,771 --> 00:13:31,671
Oh, wait. No, no. Don't
open it till I'm off.

322
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:33,396
Hey, Tammy.

323
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:34,887
Marjorie's gone down a rabbit hole,

324
00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,310
and I don't know what to do.

325
00:13:36,335 --> 00:13:37,701
She's sitting in the dark

326
00:13:37,726 --> 00:13:39,426
muttering about giving her cats away

327
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,150
to younger people.

328
00:13:42,258 --> 00:13:44,459
- Oh, no.
- What's going on?

329
00:13:44,803 --> 00:13:47,769
Marjorie's gone to a bad place,
and Tammy don't know what to do.

330
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:48,892
Who are you talking to?

331
00:13:48,922 --> 00:13:50,554
Oh, Bonnie. I'm out with her and Adam.

332
00:13:50,741 --> 00:13:53,275
Why are you... ? Never
mind. Let me talk to her.

333
00:13:56,095 --> 00:13:57,461
Hey, Tam.

334
00:13:57,486 --> 00:14:00,120
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

335
00:14:02,479 --> 00:14:03,544
Uh-huh.

336
00:14:03,569 --> 00:14:05,403
- Two more for dinner?
- Uh-huh.

337
00:14:09,902 --> 00:14:12,186
I heard about the whole Gary text thing.

338
00:14:12,211 --> 00:14:14,211
That's just messed up. I'm sorry.

339
00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:15,413
Thank you.

340
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,690
He didn't like him, either.

341
00:14:17,613 --> 00:14:19,250
Did everyone hate Gary?

342
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:22,576
Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right word.

343
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,865
Why didn't anybody tell me?

344
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:26,567
Well, you seemed so happy.

345
00:14:26,592 --> 00:14:28,725
And we didn't want to
rain on your sex parade.

346
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:31,689
Oh, well, he was the grand
marshal of the sex parade.

347
00:14:33,071 --> 00:14:34,575
But if I'm completely honest,

348
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,333
I sometimes found him challenging.

349
00:14:36,358 --> 00:14:38,859
- He could be a bit opinionated.
- And a little overbearing.

350
00:14:38,884 --> 00:14:41,285
- Kind of a know-it-all.
- He was a dick.

351
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:44,207
Don't say "dick" in a swanky restaurant.

352
00:14:45,028 --> 00:14:48,388
I don't know about women...
but guys have a rule

353
00:14:48,413 --> 00:14:50,514
that you don't bash
the ex until you're sure

354
00:14:50,539 --> 00:14:52,672
that they're not getting back together.

355
00:14:52,836 --> 00:14:55,239
Like the other person's
dead, preferably cremated

356
00:14:55,264 --> 00:14:56,931
and you've looked inside the urn.

357
00:14:59,535 --> 00:15:02,869
He broke up with me by text,
so, in the words of Taylor Swift,

358
00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:05,532
"We are never, ever, ever
getting back together."

359
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:09,432
Well, for what it's worth, I
think you can do a lot better.

360
00:15:09,457 --> 00:15:10,756
Well, thank you.

361
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:13,436
And I'm starting to feel
a little better, too.

362
00:15:13,615 --> 00:15:16,416
Maybe all I needed was
a night out with my gals.

363
00:15:16,441 --> 00:15:17,934
Aw, you hear that?
You're one of the gals.

364
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,618
I'm honored. Though, I think the
people in this restaurant think

365
00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:23,380
I'm some sort of cult leader.

366
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,760
You know the one thing that's missing?

367
00:15:27,785 --> 00:15:30,286
Ketchup? I think they're
pretending they don't have any.

368
00:15:30,466 --> 00:15:32,698
Wendy. If I'm gonna have a
romantic Valentine's dinner

369
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:35,024
with all my girlfriends,
she should be here.

370
00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:37,836
Excuse me. We're gonna
need another chair.

371
00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:39,495
And I get that you "don't have ketchup,"

372
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:42,674
but do you have ranch or
barbecue sauce or mustard?

373
00:15:42,699 --> 00:15:44,978
Just looking for a little dip here, sir.

374
00:15:47,911 --> 00:15:49,277
I'm glad you called.

375
00:15:49,551 --> 00:15:51,050
Having a boyfriend who's with his wife

376
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,807
on Valentine's Day is rough.

377
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:55,439
Even though I violently
disagree with your choices,

378
00:15:55,464 --> 00:15:57,534
I'm violently happy you're here.

379
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,593
One for you.

380
00:16:01,618 --> 00:16:03,985
- One for you.
- Aw.

381
00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:05,264
One for you.

382
00:16:05,289 --> 00:16:06,821
- Oh.
- One for you.

383
00:16:06,846 --> 00:16:07,678
Oh.

384
00:16:07,703 --> 00:16:09,267
And two for you.

385
00:16:09,292 --> 00:16:11,193
I'm no dummy.

386
00:16:12,696 --> 00:16:14,140
You know, you see this
happen in restaurants,

387
00:16:14,164 --> 00:16:15,496
and it's the hokiest thing ever,

388
00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:17,521
and then it happens to
you, and it's so nice.

389
00:16:17,546 --> 00:16:19,131
You're a classy son of a bitch.

390
00:16:19,156 --> 00:16:21,123
Swanky. I forgot.

391
00:16:22,388 --> 00:16:25,373
- Should we give this another shot?
- Ooh, tiny box alert.

392
00:16:28,576 --> 00:16:30,942
Oh, Adam.

393
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,315
- It's beautiful.
- Oh, let me see!

394
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,194
Oh, that's a nice weight.

395
00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:38,019
Oh, Adam, so elegant.

396
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,288
- Really pretty.
- There's an inscription.

397
00:16:41,313 --> 00:16:42,846
Oh, yeah. Look, it says...

398
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,756
Ooh, probably Bonnie should read it.

399
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:50,507
"No, sorry, no Linda here."

400
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,443
What does that mean?

401
00:16:52,468 --> 00:16:54,268
Those are the first
words you ever said to me.

402
00:16:54,635 --> 00:16:55,913
When I called the wrong number

403
00:16:55,938 --> 00:16:57,378
that ended up being the right number.

404
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,585
You're amazing.

405
00:17:04,353 --> 00:17:06,402
I would like to propose a toast.

406
00:17:06,427 --> 00:17:08,037
To Adam Janikowski,

407
00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:11,084
who has made our friend
happier than she has ever been,

408
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,106
and he also puts up with all of us,

409
00:17:13,131 --> 00:17:15,064
which is something even
we have trouble doing.

410
00:17:16,108 --> 00:17:17,514
- To Adam.
- To Adam.

411
00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:18,822
I knew when I married Bonnie

412
00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,580
that I was also marrying all of you.

413
00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:22,038
And I'm good with that.

414
00:17:22,063 --> 00:17:23,296
I love you guys.

415
00:17:23,321 --> 00:17:24,453
Oh.

416
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:25,838
Pay attention, ladies.

417
00:17:25,863 --> 00:17:28,097
Don't settle for
anything less than this.

418
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:31,508
Wendy, don't you even look at him.

419
00:17:42,499 --> 00:17:44,634
Well, somebody's got their sparkle back.

420
00:17:44,659 --> 00:17:45,838
Mm-hmm.

421
00:17:45,863 --> 00:17:48,498
Well, I stopped at the
farmer's market on the way here,

422
00:17:48,523 --> 00:17:51,053
and I got talking to the cantaloupe man.

423
00:17:51,688 --> 00:17:54,467
Long story short, we're
having coffee next Wednesday.

424
00:17:54,514 --> 00:17:57,686
Oh, thank God. I can put all the
sharp knives back in the kitchen.

425
00:17:58,061 --> 00:18:00,416
The good news is maybe it'll work out,

426
00:18:00,441 --> 00:18:02,697
but the better news
is, even if it doesn't,

427
00:18:02,722 --> 00:18:04,833
it's given me hope that
I've still got game.

428
00:18:04,858 --> 00:18:06,702
Mm. The best news is we can make jokes

429
00:18:06,727 --> 00:18:08,292
about him squeezing your melons.

430
00:18:09,842 --> 00:18:12,108
Oh, I want a cantaloupe man.

431
00:18:12,364 --> 00:18:14,635
I really need to start
doing my own shopping.

432
00:18:15,550 --> 00:18:18,284
No. I'd rather be alone forever.

433
00:18:19,177 --> 00:18:21,811
It's 'cause those were the
first words I ever said to him.

434
00:18:21,889 --> 00:18:25,123
It was a wrong number.
Pretty magical story.

435
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:27,805
Hey, Bonnie, can I talk
to you for a second?

436
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,948
Yeah. Later, I'll show you
pictures of our dinner.

437
00:18:30,973 --> 00:18:33,440
My phone put them into a little
video with sentimental music.

438
00:18:33,465 --> 00:18:35,064
It's actually very moving.

439
00:18:36,946 --> 00:18:38,345
What's up?

440
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:40,936
I just want to let you know
that Armand and I broke up.

441
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:44,853
I'm sorry, but I do think
you made the right choice.

442
00:18:45,286 --> 00:18:47,204
It wasn't my choice. It was his.

443
00:18:51,204 --> 00:18:53,070
But can we say it was mine?

444
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,619
That's what I heard.

445
00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:03,588
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --