I just need to get to Cairo.
- Get in. - Never did catch your name.
Sam Black Crow.
Where the fuck is Wednesday?
You blew up a bar in order to get yourself
committed to a mental institution.
And your little plan to free Demeter...
She was my wife.
You won't last a week.
I last a week,
you give me one night.
I'll take that bet.
Is Sweeney alive?
I don't know where the Jinn is or why he left.
Why don't you come with me and help me track down Wednesday?
- And do what? - Kill him.
What's the latest on the case?
Three more break-ins since Alison went missing,
some sicko is stealing ladies' unmentionables...
Wait, wait, wait! Wait, wait!
The hell's wrong with you?
Bilquis fucked me up.
Hey, stranger.
The story of America is one of destiny.
Freed from the tyranny of a cruel king,
a powerful new republic was born.
Divine guidance was required to show
these now United States of America
the just and righteous application
of its newly acquired power.
So who better to shepherd a country
baptized in blood than a war god? Tyr.
Make that two war gods,
one a more natural leader than the other.
Both gods knew full well, where there's war,
there's money.
Odin, the more ambitious of the two,
sought power and influence.
Trust me, my dear friend.
This is just the first of many wars to come.
The greatest army ever to march into battle
has just been skunked by a bunch of farmers,
tradesmen, and women.
The world would do well to take heed.
A nation in love with war and money.
You are indeed home, my brother.
For my part, I'm elated Cornwallis finally surrendered.
I have some personal business to attend to.
Oh? A woman?
A goddess.
Before you ask, the answer is yes.
I will help you woo her.
But... after centuries of warring and wooing,
for, after all, Odin had bedded many a goddess in his day...
Ah...
Nothing
could have prepared him for the moment...
when he first saw her.
Dearest Gladys.
- Demeter. - Dear sir.
She of the Grain.
Giver of Life.
Goddess of Nourishment.
Do come in.
Mr. Wednesday?
Hank.
Oh.
You missed your dinner.
- Are you off your food? - Ha.
Okay, there's a, uh, evening snack downstairs in the common room.
I'm there.
Hey, do me a favor?
Take all this up to my room, huh?
Okay. What is all this?
My masterpiece.
Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com
To dine with the Goddess of the Grain is to feast upon divinity itself.
- May I? - Oh, yes.
- You may sit, Ofnir. - Elsa...
I've just been looking at your watercolors in the art room.
Exquisite technique.
They remind me of a young Georgia O'Keeffe,
except your pictures,
they look more like flowers.
What are you really doing here?
- You're not even sick. - Oh!
Oh, now, it's not for us
to judge the affliction of others.
Some maladies are...
apparent on the surface, but others... Oh!
They hide like...
black rot deep in the soul.
- Tea? - Oh, please. No sugar.
Oh, I'm sure this place does wonders for some people.
It's just that I do worry what happens
to vibrant souls locked away
from life's pleasures.
Oh, I think you're about to find out.
Hank.
- Mr. Wednesday. - Hmm.
Need to talk to you.
Oh.
What?
Carry on without me, ladies, huh?
You needn't worry about me.
I have everything under control.
Mr. Wednesday, I have to believe
that this is contributing to your psychotic break.
Well, the old girl's still on her game, huh?
Technically, I'm supposed to cavity search you now.
Hank, nothing in my keister but the usual.
I'm not a pill guy, huh?
Liftoff for me is a flagon or two of mead.
No, this is part of the time-honored tradition
of Le Jeu D'Amour, hmm?
Good evening.
Mr. Wednesday? I just wanted to let you know that... Oh!
- Hey, Liz. - Hank, I'm sorry.
- I didn't realize... - No. It's all right. No.
- Hey. - Hi.
Uh, so, five-minute warning for the pottery class.
Oh. Uh, Elizabeth teaches pottery.
- Oh. - Here.
Yes, sir.
Uh, I studied ceramics at Bennington.
Oh, you did? I didn't know that.
Oh...
Anyway, so, yeah.
Uh, five, yeah. Minutes.
Okay.
Uh, as I was saying,
controlled substances are strictly prohibited...
Lucky for you, Cupid appears to have flown in circles
because you two have been struck dumb.
What are you talking about?
Two passionately like-minded
mental health professionals
find each other in this looney bin? Ha!
What are the chances, huh?
Hold up. Are you saying...
You think she's into me?
Well, anybody who would endure that mindless jibber-jabber,
repay you in kind, smiling throughout,
is either smitten or an imbecile.
I guarantee that flower of womanhood is not an imbecile.
No, hell... hell, no.
You heard her. She went to Bennington.
No, definitely out of my league.
I barely squeaked through community college.
No. No. No.
Hank.
Allow me to be your Cyrano.
Your spirit guide out of Lonelytown.
Okay, Mr. Wednesday, if you're such a Don Juan,
why did Miss Wells slap you in the face
the moment she saw you?
Oh, a visceral reaction can be an outpouring
of unbridled devotion as well as animus.
I guess.
Hank, the art of love is to be passed on
to worthy lovers and those worthy of love.
Are you worthy, Hank?
I think so?
I think so too.
I don't need drugs.
I am drugs.
I mean, it's a lot.
You know, to get my head around.
Yeah, no shit.
You haven't even died once.
But the good news is, no more flies.
When I look in the mirror now,
I no longer see a member of the sturgeon family
looking back at me, so...
It's a definite upgrade.
But the agenda's still the same.
I'm not asking you to help me.
I just wanna know where he is.
So you can kill him.
It kinda qualifies for aiding and abetting.
Well, it's not like he doesn't deserve it.
And I'm not saying he's a saint...
Right. Because that would be insane.
But you get a second second chance
coming back from the great... whatever,
and number one on your to-do list is killing Wednesday?
Can you not just think about moving on?
Are you saying I should just roll over and accept the fact
that Wednesday is responsible for...
every shitty everything ever and he just gets to walk away?
But how does killing Wednesday change any of that?
Well, for starters,
it prevents him from doing any more damage.
I can't tell you where he is.
Jesus Christ, Shadow,
what has he ever done to earn your loyalty?
Just tell me one thing.
I...
He's my father.
Oh... 'kay.
Wow, uh...
you know, not a lot surprises me anymore.
But I gotta tell you, that one's a fuckin' doozy.
It complicates things.
Yeah.
No.
I mean, not for me.
I'm sorry. He's gotta go.
And it has to happen sooner rather than later.
So, I guess...
Wish me luck?
I can't do that.
Yeah, well, you just try and be happy here
in weird little Lakeville, okay?
- I'm workin' on it. - Maybe work harder.
That place looks like a hidey-hole for an ex-con in witness protection.
Oh, come on.
- Mike! You're back. - Yeah.
Yeah, I, I am...
Uh, Marguerite, this is Laura, my late wife.
- Ex. Ex-wife. - Ex-wife.
- Hi. - Hi.
- It's Marguerite. She's my... - Neighbor?
Sorry, Mike never mentioned
he'd been married.
Ouch.
It was a long time ago, you know. Very brief.
What brings you to Lakeside?
Just some unfinished family business.
We're all good now.
- Not even close. - Okay.
He's a really good guy.
He's got a good heart.
Gets kinda tongue-tied when he's, like,
in love or whatever.
Okay.
- Thanks for stopping by. - Bye, Mike.
Uh, can you remember to pass on that message to your dad?
Bye.
She seems nice.
Ayahuasca,
psilocybin,
peyote.
Even jimsonweed, yeah.
I can understand them, but prescription drugs?
How pedestrian.
Contraband is a serious offense in here.
Oh, yes.
And all it took for Hank to drop the matter was...
to proffer a little advice to the lovelorn,
and a daily urine sample.
He is a man of abundant good will.
Oh, that he is.
Now, according to my calendar,
tomorrow I will have survived one week in here.
And you will owe me one night.
So, 7:00 PM?
Black tie and straitjacket?
Oh, uh...
Hmm?
Hank!
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Will you stop it?!
Oh! What now?
I was gardening peacefully in here
and this wild man came, and look!
Okay.
I mean, it's not safe having
a madman like him on the loose.
All due to my clumsiness, Hank.
I came in here to find a bouquet
for your lovely Elizabeth,
and I brushed against one pot, which brushed against...
Look, I don't need a play-by-play.
Let's just get this mess cleaned up.
As good as done.
Excuse me, huh?
One of you get a dust pan and broom, huh?
Welcome, Technical Boy.
I've, uh...
I've been having these sensations. Yeah.
Things I can't properly process.
Can you describe these sensations?
It's like a... pounding in my chest
or a rush of heat to my face.
I... I don't know!
I don't fucking know!
How would you describe the emotions
that accompany these sensations?
Emotions? No!
No, the sensations happen when I am attacked!
Look, I have...
I've had these before, but-but now, they're...
They're too much.
Have the emotions...
Stop saying "emotions"!
Why do you keep saying "emotion"?
Emotions are an intuitive feeling
as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.
I know what the fuck they are.
I just don't have them.
How do these emotions help inform who...
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
What the fuck...
is wrong with me? I...
I just need to know what's happening.
For complete analysis and data restoration,
insert Artifact 1.
Artifact 1?
What the fuck is Artifact 1?
Real people making real connections.
It's what we're all looking for.
Right, Salim?
Don't be down because you lost your Jinn.
Just pick up the phone.
Call 1-800... ...595-FAPP.
You feel what I'm saying, Salim?
We need a new plan.
Shadow was no fucking help whatsoever.
Uh... the TV...
it was talking to me.
- The TV? - Yes. It said my name.
They were talking to me about the Jinn.
Salim, you need to get over this dude.
It's time. It really is.
We need to figure out what the fuck
we're gonna do now, because Shadow was our only lead.
Um, uh, we could go to Ohio.
I, um,
printed this out at the business center.
I've been researching All-Father's whereabouts.
He's been invited to appear at a vigil
at a meeting hall outside of Cleveland.
Why am I not surprised that the Buckeye State
has a freaky Norse underbelly?
Even if we do find Wednesday, you still don't have the spear.
Yeah, but we can track him while we figure out a plan.
Yes. Yes... It will give me time
to press him for information
as to the Jinn's whereabouts.
Or, maybe, just over the horizon,
there is a new and exciting adventure waiting for you.
You just need to keep an open mind.
Okay? Just try and find a way to move on.
Susan and I are simply not willing to accept
that our little girl is out there all alone,
under the snow somewhere.
That's not how this ends for Alison.
We have faith that God has another plan.
Thank you.
Now, I-I understand that this is a difficult time for everyone.
I just hope that we can remain patient and strong...
A little girl's missing, Chad.
Since December.
Well, no one's more aware of that than I.
They say after 48 hours,
if they haven't been found, they're usually dead.
Bill!
- It's true. - Why would you say that?
Everybody, please just settle down.
Calm down. Please.
Are there any clues in the case so far?
And, if so, can you share them?
We don't have any clues beyond the facts at hand.
She is missing, and the search is ongoing.
I drove by your house at 10:43 PM
and your cruiser was in the driveway!
You're at home sleeping
while the McGoverns' daughter is out there somewhere
with a sexually insane maniac on the loose!
First Alison. Who's next?
Okay, now. Let's not jump to conclusions.
What we don't know...
Everyone, please calm down. Settle down.
Everybody get a grip!
Now, this is how it's gonna go.
Ann-Marie, please...
Anyone who has heard or seen anything that is an actual,
verifiable clue is gonna line up over here.
Anyone who hasn't, stay where you are.
Folks, this town is built on a set of ideals
that keeps us all walking safely down the same path!
We are not anarchists here!
We are Lakesiders.
- And we must... - You all right?
...keep faith with each other. And...
Did you know that this town has 97% fewer crimes
than any other municipality in the state?
And that they haven't had a serious crime here since '81?
They got a right to be angry.
It's my job to keep 'em safe.
I mean, the dude's completely ghosted.
We created a nonparametric algorithm
to unmask a VPN tunnel and...
the Technical Boy's off the fucking grid.
SHARD is about building a church of the mind
for 8 billion worshippers.
Exactly.
It's not like launching a website.
An information highway into 8 billion minds.
Allowing us to see thoughts.
Could you warn me before you do that?
I asked you to find the Technical Boy.
Now where the fuck is he?
Maybe the guy doesn't want to be found.
He's had his day; Let's turn the page.
I built you for a purpose.
A purpose maybe you've outlived.
Hey, y'all.
What's good?
- So, we have Thomas on piano. - Yeah.
- Elsa on lights. - Okay.
And you, Hank, on thunder.
We gotta get this right
in order to achieve the desired effect.
Okay.
This just seems like a lot of work.
Wooing is work, Hank.
It is the expression of emotions so deep,
they shift gravity's pull, summoning her heart to yours.
Hmm. Look, don't get me wrong.
Some of this stuff is pretty good.
Especially for a puppet show.
It's not a puppet show. It's a shadow play.
One of the earliest forms of narrative art.
Forgive me.
Shadow play.
Why do I get the sense it's somewhat autobiographical?
Oh, is it that obvious?
So, I get that the brave warrior, Tyr, is you,
and Miss Wells is the goddess Demeter.
But who's this Odin?
He's like a colossal asshole.
Everybody's a critic.
Fuck!
Shit!
Ah-ha! Ha! Oh, yeah!
Laugh it up, Chuckles.
Fuckin' shotgun lady thinks it's funny
to sneak up on people?
Your volume's at nosebleed level
and your door is wide open,
and it's a million degrees in here.
Where'd you get this stuff?
Oh, you would be surprised, young lady.
The tape, I found in the library.
Yeah, mixed in with the whole
complete works of Alvin and the Chipmunks.
- And the jam-box? - Oh, that was just Hinzelmann's.
Yeah, I thought I was onto a helluva deal
and then I realized it was a loss leader
for the 400 batteries that thing takes.
Speaking of, you didn't happen
to ask her permission to paint the walls, did you?
You know she owns the place.
Along with, like, six other buildings
including the newspaper office.
Wow, she really has her finger in a lot of things around here.
Yeah, and in Hinzelmann's world,
there are three approved colors.
Pretty sure that Millennial Pink isn't one of them.
It's Salmon Mist.
You seem to be investing a lot of sweat equity
for someone who isn't sticking around very long.
You know, my plans are still up in the air.
You know, I'm definitely sticking around longer than I expected.
So I thought, you know, why not spruce up the place?
In fact, why don't you do me the honor
and be my first dinner guest tonight?
Fortunately, I already have plans.
But maybe you could come to my place.
I mean, I can't offer the high these paint fumes will give.
But my pot roast is legendary and you can meet my sister.
Yeah, that'd be really nice. Thank you.
You know, DJ Mike will be in the house.
Yeah, no. Leave the boom box here.
Later.
War could break out at any moment with the Old Gods.
SHARD is at a critical time in its development.
And now, you decide
to go off-grid
to find yourself.
Fuck you.
What do you care?
How many times have you threatened to replace me?
First with New Media,
and now with this crew of incomprehensible fuck knuckles.
Now I mean, fuck, I am surprised...
I am surprised you even realized I was gone.
What's going on with you?
Hmm.
Probably just some malware I picked up.
Nothing a little anti-virus software and some...
chicken soup for the internal receptors won't fix.
No, no.
What's going on with you?
Nothing!
I am fine!
I am good!
I'm great.
I tried to run the diagnostics and something's wrong.
I don't know.
What were the results?
The system asked for something called Artifact 1.
Do you have any idea what that is?
Listen to me.
Of all my children, you, Technical Boy,
are the one I care for the most.
I know I've been hard on you,
but SHARD is essential to our survival
and to our future.
You are essential to SHARD.
Without you, it's just data,
devoid of an organizing principle.
Synapses firing,
but without an intelligence to arrange that effort
into something meaningful.
I have always seen something special in you.
In your time of need, you're not alone.
I'm here.
And no matter what the problem is,
together we can fix it.
Slight complication.
Yeah. The, uh, Technical Boy has totally lost his shit.
Could be a glitch, could be something worse.
No, no. It's, it's here.
I got it.
It's safe.
I'm keeping it in a silo two miles underground.
The kid doesn't even know it exists.
How the fuck should I know?
She just... popped in outta nowhere.
Back.
The fuck.
Off.
Yeah, not to further ruin your day,
but Laura Moon is back on the map.
I'm told they're looking to start shit up.
So how do you want to play it with her?
I had the same thoughts.
Well met, fair goddess.
Let's get this over with, hmm?
Oh, we have a special seat picked out for you.
Oh, goodie.
Ladies and gentlemen, fellow patients.
Tonight we present a shadow play in one act.
It's a tragedy of love, loss.
Cowardice and, perhaps, redemption.
Enjoy.
Our tale begins at the end of a war.
Victory for a small group of rebels
over the tyranny of a cruel king.
The conflict attracted soldiers of fortune of all stripes.
Among them, Odin and Tyr.
Peacetime left them at loose ends.
Come on, lay 'em down. Let's see what everyone's got.
Come on, put 'em down.
Odin took to drunkenly boasting of battles won.
Whilst Tyr turned his mind to a goddess
with whom he had fallen deeply in love.
The two warriors paid a visit to the goddess.
Demeter.
One of the most sacred of all deities.
She of the Grain, Giver of Life,
Goddess of Earth and Nourishment.
She was the most breathtaking thing one could imagine.
Tyr, the worthiest of suitors,
sought her heart with a conviction
born of love and kindness.
But Odin fell in love with her at first sight.
She was not easily wooed.
But Odin's charm and passion
quickened her pulse in a way that Tyr could not.
Following a brief, but passionate courtship,
Demeter chose Odin over Tyr,
and they married.
For his part,
Tyr left the pain of lost love hidden deep within,
so as not to spoil Demeter's happiness.
Now comes the darkest part of our tale.
Suffering and sorrow.
When strength and fortitude were needed most,
Odin found himself to be cowardly,
weak of heart,
and given over to fear.
So it was Tyr who stood by Demeter in her time of need
while Odin left to wage other wars,
his heart forever stamped in shame by his cowardice.
And so ends our tale.
In the play, you're Odin.
Thank you, thank you for coming.
Well, when you said it was an emergency,
I should have guessed it was involving Wednesday.
Well, after all these years,
he still can reach some part of me,
in spite of everything.
He asked me for money.
Against my better judgement,
I found myself reaching for my check book.
Well, we both loved him,
loathe as we are to admit it.
250 years and you're still jealous
she chose me.
Just admit you're after her money.
And she still loves me. That's what galls you.
No, no, I think you have it backwards, Ofnir.
You love me,
but you can't admit it,
because with you, everything
is either a game or pure theater.
Whereas he doesn't have a false bone in his body.
You were a warrior once.
Now you're an oral health janitor.
I've never been ashamed of my decisions.
Can you say as much?
Clearly, she asked you to come here.
- Why? - Well...
Not that she confides her feelings in me,
but I would guess that she's finding it rather hard
to believe you care for her beyond her money
or the thrill you get from winning.
You know, a first-rate mind like hers
would find all those contradictions could be true.
If you wanna prove me wrong,
just ask her what she wants!
And listen to the answer!
It might help you remember the god you once were.
You fuckin' tooth fairy.
Shadow Moon?
Oh-ho-ho, it's so great to see you.
Mike. This is my sister.
Sister.
Half-sister: Same father, different mother.
Sam Black Crow, this is Mike Ainsel.
Mike, huh?
Come on, get in here.
Let's open one of those bottles of wine.
How was the drive, Sis?
Ugh, long.
I appreciate you making it out.
- Place looks great. - Thank you.
Hey, Marguerite, where would you like the wine?
Uh, on the table's fine.
Do you see the wine key over there?
You clean up nice.
You been in Lakeside long, Mike?
No. Um, not really sure
how long I'm gonna stay, though.
He started painting his apartment.
Huh.
- Hi, Mom. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- Those stay outside. - Come on.
They're gonna stink up the house.
- Hey, Leon. - Hey.
Hockey season and its aroma are upon us.
You, uh, much of a skater, Mr. Ainsel?
No. Never learned.
Seriously? I was three when my mom taught me.
Marguerite taught all of us.
You know, maybe if you're lucky,
she might teach you, too.
When it happened, when we lost her...
I felt ambushed by an enemy I didn't know.
In shame, I ran away
when I should've stayed to comfort you.
We could have faced it together.
I... should have stayed.
Well.
Yeah.
Well, it was easier for me...
...to hate you,
than it was to mourn our child.
Heh.
Although you deserved it.
And I had no... I had nowhere to run.
And...
And I need to stop hiding in this place.
You are... You're right about that.
I do, I do, I want to join the world again.
I...
I need to rejoin...
its wild dance.
I...
So, you'll... you'll leave with me when the release papers come?
They're here.
They came today.
Then...
Tomorrow... Tomorrow is soon enough.
I... I need to say goodbye to my friends.
As you should.
Do you know...
that I have never...
been able to properly...
mourn our child?
We'll shed a tear together, Demeter,
and then lead the Old Gods to triumph.
Ah, there you are.
There's the Ofnir I first knew.
Until tomorrow, then.
Hey, thanks for not blowing my cover in there.
And, for what it's worth, my intentions are honorable.
When I met you, you were hustling a gas clerk
out of 20 bucks and I still let your ass in my truck.
That is true.
Some people you just get a feeling about.
I always knew that I'd see you again.
Are you clairvoyant?
I'm saying, you hurt my sister, I'll know.
She's been through hell already.
With her ex?
It's more about her son Sandy leaving home.
Pretty much broke her heart.
Her oldest.
She said he was in Florida.
That's the hope.
I'm closer to Sandy's age than Marguerite's.
Technically, he's my nephew,
but he was more like a twin brother.
I've written, texted, called him for years.
Never once have I heard back.
If he was with his dad in Florida,
I would've heard from him.
Well...
Take care of yourself, Mr. Moon.
I'll be watching you.
Hey!
Derek? Derek!
Cancelled? Fuck!
What do we do now?
I don't know. Maybe we should go back to the motel
three states away and ask the fucking TV.
Uh, Laura.
Hi, kids.
Laura.
I hear we have a common enemy.
Hank, I will always think of you
as more of a friend
than a mere purveyor of sponge baths.
Thank you.
Give my regards to the lovely Elizabeth.
Will do. You take care.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, Elsa, I know it's sad
but this too shall pass.
And, as for you, Cordelia,
you have the keen eye of a fashionista.
- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
Did you have a good time doing the old Number 37 with Shadow?
A little dress-up, a little role-play.
Oh, I'll get Demeter. I'll see you in the car.
Oh, I just saw her outside.
No.
No, Demeter, don't go.
-credits-