1 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,908 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com -- 2 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,852 - All right. - Is it recording? 3 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,218 Yeah. 4 00:00:20,243 --> 00:00:21,494 Um, hi. 5 00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,654 I, uh, I'm Carl Gallagher. 6 00:00:23,679 --> 00:00:25,264 You had to think about that? 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,375 No, it's just weird. 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,863 Hi. I'm Deborah Margaret Gallagher. 9 00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,710 - Deborah Margaret? - It's my real name. 10 00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:32,866 It is? 11 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,678 - Glad you know me so well. - No one gives a fuck about you. 12 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,537 They wanna hear about Fiona. 13 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,330 Yes, Team Fiona! 14 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,879 All right. 15 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,380 I'm a fun person. 16 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,590 Shit! 17 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:51,885 - Hey! - I like to have fun. 18 00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,928 Ah! Ahh! 19 00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:54,971 Yee-hee-hee! 20 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:56,806 What? What? 21 00:01:11,185 --> 00:01:13,604 - Really? - They're free. 22 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,410 Whoo! 23 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,580 Whoo! 24 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:31,549 Ah! 25 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,968 Oh, my gosh! 26 00:01:40,158 --> 00:01:41,910 Why are we doing this anyway? 27 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,162 Is it, like, for a job or some shit? 28 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,105 She's trying out for some dating reality show. 29 00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:47,382 - That why you all dressed up? - No. 30 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,126 "I'm Deborah Margaret, and I like to dress to sit around..." 31 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,507 Shut the fuck up. 32 00:01:50,532 --> 00:01:52,463 We're supposed to be talking about Fiona's character. 33 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:54,030 She has no character. 34 00:01:54,055 --> 00:01:55,055 You owe me a beer! 35 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,471 Fiona Gallagher, you have the right to remain silent. 36 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,635 Anything you say can and will be used against you 37 00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:04,457 in a court of law. 38 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,810 A little early for a drink, isn't it? 39 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,460 All right, Mom. I'm gonna turn in. 40 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,420 - Lost my job today. - Fuckin' the boss? 41 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,922 Nah. Nephew. 42 00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:15,301 That's for fucking my husband! 43 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,803 Slut! 44 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,029 Did you know he was married? 45 00:02:20,054 --> 00:02:21,659 Well, it's a good thing that I met up with Craig Heisner. 46 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,725 He's married. 47 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:23,768 What about your wife? 48 00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:27,097 At least it's chocolate. 49 00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:29,499 Liam, we gotta get you onto this potty. 50 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:31,818 We could take some of the money that we spend on diapers 51 00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:33,053 and buy you candy. 52 00:02:33,078 --> 00:02:34,287 Ah, rewards for shitting. 53 00:02:34,312 --> 00:02:35,605 The good old days. 54 00:02:35,630 --> 00:02:38,658 - Whoa, Debs, whose blood is that? - Hard to say. 55 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,844 Could be Holly's. Could be Ellie's. 56 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,661 As your legal guardian, I'm obligated 57 00:02:41,686 --> 00:02:44,495 to say violence is wrong, but those bitches deserved it. 58 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:49,502 Maybe I'm tired of playing Susie fucking Sunshine all the time, huh? 59 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,130 - Fuck you, Mom. - You smell like a bar room floor. 60 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,506 It's mouthwash. I just gargled. 61 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,508 - I have something to tell you. - Knock first! 62 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:56,819 Let's go to the clinic right now. 63 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,050 Oh, my God. How many times do I have to tell you 64 00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:00,117 I am not killing my baby? 65 00:03:00,142 --> 00:03:01,775 I hate your hair. 66 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,368 - A gun? - DFS took the kids this morning. 67 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:05,602 School starts today? 68 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:06,704 I'm in charge of this family. 69 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:07,687 One, two, three 70 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,314 Neither one of us has a job. 71 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,815 One week with me as their guardian, 72 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,358 they're about to be homeless. 73 00:03:12,383 --> 00:03:13,728 What was the final tally of the purse? 74 00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:15,670 526 bucks. 75 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:16,988 I heart Sizzler. 76 00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:19,949 Damn it. Carl! 77 00:03:19,974 --> 00:03:21,494 Did Carl blow up the neighborhood again? 78 00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:23,011 No, I forgot to pay the bill. 79 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,162 Ugh. 80 00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:25,346 The hell? 81 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,165 I don't even give a what 82 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,208 Fuck. 83 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,293 Oh, FYI, water got shut off. 84 00:03:30,318 --> 00:03:31,730 You should probably pay the bill. 85 00:03:36,348 --> 00:03:39,043 Guess who just got fuckin' fired! 86 00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:40,529 Gonna hang around here drinking all day? 87 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,721 I might eat something, too. 88 00:03:42,899 --> 00:03:44,567 I'll have money for you later today. 89 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,195 Any chance you could get it to me now? 90 00:03:46,219 --> 00:03:48,412 Bailing you out of jail last week kind of cleaned me out. 91 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,729 One, two, three 92 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:50,913 Read the charges. 93 00:03:50,945 --> 00:03:52,249 Possession of a controlled substance 94 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,210 - and child endangerment. - How does the defendant plead? 95 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,193 Guilty, Your Honor. 96 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,736 Get back 97 00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:59,163 I got all the therapy you could ever need right here. 98 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,592 Guess we're not having turkey tomorrow. 99 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:02,825 Too expensive. 100 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,078 Gotta use pawn shop money for the bills. 101 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:06,430 Can you hit me with a milk refill? 102 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:07,747 She wasn't shoplifting. 103 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,249 She forgot to pay. 104 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,084 It's a symptom of her low IQ. 105 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,503 - She's retarded? - That's a deeply offensive word. 106 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,004 That's right, Debs. You tell her. 107 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:19,639 Who the hell are you? 108 00:04:19,664 --> 00:04:22,078 I'm Brittany Sturgess from Child Protective Services. 109 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,985 Truth is, 110 00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:27,952 I don't know what a good mother's supposed to be like. 111 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:29,788 Fiona was always telling us she was a good mother, 112 00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,939 like, a lot, all the time. 113 00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:33,173 So does that make it true? 114 00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:34,741 Does that make her a good mother? 115 00:04:34,766 --> 00:04:36,126 Like, when someone tells you something 116 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,628 that they always want you to believe in. 117 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:39,630 Like, do I believe that she was a good mother, for real? 118 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,656 Or do I just believe that she was a good mother 119 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,300 because she was always telling us she was a good mother? 120 00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,096 Fuck. 121 00:04:45,313 --> 00:04:46,731 I don't know. 122 00:04:46,756 --> 00:04:48,581 My head hurts. 123 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,625 I'm raising five kids. What's your excuse? 124 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,835 Shut the fuck up! 125 00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:56,530 I am the one who saw to your survival 126 00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:58,393 since you were babies. 127 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,276 Do you ever check for carbon monoxide leaks? 128 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,051 No. Too busy. 129 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,220 You know, raising five kids and Frank. 130 00:05:04,245 --> 00:05:05,621 I have five kids. 131 00:05:05,646 --> 00:05:07,041 They're my siblings, but I raise them. 132 00:05:07,065 --> 00:05:08,441 I'm raising a sociopath. 133 00:05:08,466 --> 00:05:11,102 You're graduating. I didn't, and I still regret it. 134 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:13,879 - Who's stopping you? - Debbie, Carl, Liam, you. 135 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,249 I'm not taking care of another kid. 136 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,400 I raised five fucking kids. 137 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,819 There's no way you're going to be able to raise a baby, 138 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,821 and I am going to get stuck doing it! 139 00:05:21,846 --> 00:05:23,658 You feel like the world would stop spinning on its axis 140 00:05:23,682 --> 00:05:25,395 if you take a night off. 141 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,844 You know when a plane starts going down 142 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:27,928 and they tell you to put your mask on 143 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,120 before helping anyone else? 144 00:05:29,145 --> 00:05:30,604 Put your mask on, Fiona! 145 00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:33,865 Yeah? Well, I've never been on a plane! 146 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,671 You know, being guardian doesn't make you super-mom. 147 00:05:38,696 --> 00:05:40,106 You noticed. 148 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,175 Could I possibly be doing a worse job 149 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,327 of raising these kids? 150 00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:45,335 Liam isn't smoking crack. 151 00:05:45,866 --> 00:05:48,514 I'm just saying, uh, it's not all on you. 152 00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:50,683 I hope I'm not fucking up the kids. 153 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,226 Thanks. 154 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:54,729 She left! 155 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,439 I was nine! 156 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,232 Taking care of all of us. 157 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,401 My job is to keep this house going. 158 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,118 We're locking up the house. 159 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,238 Busting my ass, making meals, 160 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:05,681 keeping everything straight. 161 00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:06,934 Can you give me a minute first? 162 00:06:06,958 --> 00:06:07,958 Sure. 163 00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,263 This is about what I did, and you know what? 164 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,081 I did a fuckin' great job. 165 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,684 Debbie is on the debate team. 166 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:16,709 Going to nationals. 167 00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:18,652 Lip, top of his class. 168 00:06:18,677 --> 00:06:19,896 He set the curve. 169 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,173 Ian was promoted in ROTC, 170 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,744 and he tested out of English, 171 00:06:23,769 --> 00:06:27,220 and Carl made something blow up for his science fair, 172 00:06:27,245 --> 00:06:28,497 and you know what? 173 00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:30,990 They did it all, no thanks to you, 174 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,725 because you weren't here. 175 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,807 - Are you prepared to assume custody? - I am. 176 00:06:36,832 --> 00:06:39,713 If you decide to do this, there's no changing your mind. 177 00:06:39,738 --> 00:06:41,907 We're talking about the rest of your life. 178 00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:45,181 Do you agree to be the guardian of these children? 179 00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:49,745 Yes, I do. 180 00:06:49,904 --> 00:06:51,614 They'd still be my kids, 181 00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,247 but she'd have all the responsibility? 182 00:06:54,818 --> 00:06:56,445 Works for me. 183 00:06:56,973 --> 00:06:58,318 Take your children home. 184 00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:17,142 Let's see here. 185 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,730 Here we go. Hi. How are you? 186 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:23,151 Um, so you want to know 187 00:07:23,347 --> 00:07:24,923 about Fiona. 188 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,382 Now, remind me, which one is Fiona again? 189 00:07:29,498 --> 00:07:31,959 I'm joking. She is my sister. 190 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:32,910 She's four years older. 191 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:33,870 Good soul. 192 00:07:33,895 --> 00:07:35,714 She, uh, ran this household. 193 00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:38,491 She was the, uh, the glue, 194 00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:40,977 held this family together. 195 00:07:41,107 --> 00:07:42,733 We couldn't have survived without her. 196 00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:48,235 You think you guys can survive one night without Fiona? 197 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,510 No! 198 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,805 Kidding. 199 00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:54,957 - Sure. - Yeah, have a great time. 200 00:07:54,982 --> 00:07:56,775 The rush is starting! 201 00:07:56,927 --> 00:07:58,644 I can't do breakfast and set up for daycare 202 00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,021 all at the same time. 203 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,856 Carl, I took down half of the pool. 204 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,107 You have to do the rest. 205 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,692 Look, you gotta get a job this summer 206 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,170 so we can make it through the winter, all right? 207 00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,571 Molly, wipe down the extra saucers and teething toys, 208 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,865 and check the nap pads for head lice and boogers. 209 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,843 Come on, Liam, we gotta get you to your fancy school. 210 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,160 Fiona says I can take him. 211 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,703 Fiona's not in charge anymore. 212 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,289 We have dollar a cookie, buck fifty a brownie, 213 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,457 70 for the gun. 214 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:21,709 Oh. 215 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,085 Can you do this? 216 00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:24,188 Make sure he drinks the whole thing. 217 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,755 He needs his electrolytes. 218 00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,399 I've been helping Debbie with daycare. 219 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,674 Who wants a bonus story? 220 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,426 Me! 221 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:31,844 This is called 222 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:35,271 "Fiona's Thoughts, Sophomore Year, 2006." 223 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,975 "Flirted with Craig Heisner today. 224 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,336 "His ass looked great in his jeans. 225 00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,997 I bet he could really pick me up and throw me around." 226 00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:46,001 Yo, Carl, we taking all them to school, too? 227 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,111 No, back to the parking lot where they live. 228 00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,285 - We're not all gonna fit. - Sure we will. 229 00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:52,675 Check, check, check this out 230 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:57,203 Frosted Flakes, Bisquick, and... ooh, ooh! 231 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,955 Even got a couple of two-for-ones for Tide. 232 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,224 Brought some popcorn shrimp back 233 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:01,666 from my shitty-ass job. 234 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:02,750 What's all that shit? 235 00:09:02,775 --> 00:09:04,494 My welding gear. 236 00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:05,865 The hell is it for? 237 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,797 The future. 238 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,215 But, come payday, 239 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:10,275 you'll see who the real captain is. 240 00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:11,842 Got it. 241 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,386 That's disgusting. 242 00:09:13,411 --> 00:09:15,131 I should add "plumber" to my welding résumé. 243 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,658 - That's your kid? - Yep. 244 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,185 Not afraid to knock a bitch up. You game? 245 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,105 We got these from Imelda over at the Holiday Inn. 246 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,882 It'll be a good way to stay warm. 247 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,984 3 1/2 Gs? I got you covered. 248 00:09:28,009 --> 00:09:29,527 You want hunnies or small bills? 249 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,274 You're watching Liam today, remember? 250 00:09:31,298 --> 00:09:33,257 I haven't abused marijuana like the rest of you, 251 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,574 so, yes, I remember. 252 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,200 Uh, working furnace, Debs? 253 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,034 On it! 254 00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,779 Buy back the house. 255 00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:45,501 No, look, look, look. 256 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,934 Don't... Don't get me wrong, okay? 257 00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:49,088 Fiona tried her absolute best, okay? 258 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:51,882 But if we were keeping score, which, of course, we're not, 259 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,610 right, I think there may have been somebody else 260 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,928 who held the family together just a little bit better, 261 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,670 and I think that someone... 262 00:09:58,092 --> 00:10:00,136 might be standing in this kitchen right now. 263 00:10:11,837 --> 00:10:13,505 Huh. 264 00:10:13,649 --> 00:10:15,147 I guess it must be me. 265 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,958 Adding the last 50 bucks to the property tax, yo. 266 00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,417 I don't have it. 267 00:10:20,567 --> 00:10:21,693 How long we doing this for? 268 00:10:21,718 --> 00:10:23,456 Figure we park 30 more cars, 269 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,661 make enough money to cover the property tax, 270 00:10:25,686 --> 00:10:27,144 at which time, people will probably start to realize 271 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,836 Wilco's not playing at Fiona's club. 272 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:30,154 Then we bolt. 273 00:10:30,179 --> 00:10:31,764 Hey, there, fella. 274 00:10:31,789 --> 00:10:34,917 Ooh, let's go take the Browns to the Super Bowl, huh? 275 00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,594 No coffee. Milk or juice. 276 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:39,513 Okay, we got your favorite, banana pancakes. 277 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:41,283 - Oh, love banana pancakes. - There you go. 278 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,521 Oh, make yourself at home. 279 00:10:42,546 --> 00:10:44,435 Thousand bucks in the squirrel fund 280 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:45,579 before you go back to school. 281 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:46,646 I've got this. 282 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,022 Hey, Carl, go upstairs. 283 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,499 Get your toothbrush and something to sleep in. 284 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:50,917 Look, I'll take Liam to school today. 285 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,336 I'll grab us some dinner while I'm there. 286 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,319 No worries. No worries. 287 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,471 I'll stay up all night studying. I mean, what the fuck? 288 00:10:55,495 --> 00:10:57,990 It's just an applied physics quiz. 289 00:11:04,548 --> 00:11:05,748 Outstanding bills. 290 00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,124 Electric and rent are late, too? 291 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,668 - We out of diapers? - Yeah. 292 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,670 But I put a plug up his butt, didn't I, buddy? 293 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:11,962 What's that smell? 294 00:11:11,987 --> 00:11:13,296 Frank, stop smoking weed! 295 00:11:13,321 --> 00:11:14,524 We're gonna get out of here, okay? 296 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,609 We'll be back for dinner tonight. 297 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,010 - No. Lip. - Fiona, just get some sleep. 298 00:11:18,069 --> 00:11:19,362 Sort your shit out. 299 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,347 I didn't ask to play mom, all right? 300 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,016 - Neither did she. - So, what, you want me to bust my ass 301 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,772 so I can buy you all houses and shit? 302 00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:27,367 What did you think was gonna happen, Fiona? 303 00:11:27,391 --> 00:11:29,021 Liam almost died! 304 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,189 How 'bout that, huh? 305 00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,524 Fuckin' Lip, man. 306 00:11:31,549 --> 00:11:33,301 He's a righteous fuckin' prick. 307 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,332 No, I expected you to not be drunk in the middle of the day! 308 00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:36,570 All fucking you! 309 00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:37,863 Your coke, your boyfriend, 310 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,699 your fucked-up life! 311 00:11:39,724 --> 00:11:40,725 Not mine! 312 00:11:42,496 --> 00:11:45,909 Now, I'm not saying that I was perfect, 313 00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:47,557 and, I mean, I definitely had my own issues. 314 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,583 I am, after all, my father's son. 315 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:51,794 I used to partake in a glass or two 316 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,379 of alcoholic refreshments, 317 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,256 and Fiona is her father's daughter, 318 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,508 so she, too, liked the, um, glug-glug. 319 00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:01,554 You know, I often wondered, if there was a contest, 320 00:12:01,579 --> 00:12:03,019 who could drink who under the table. 321 00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:06,559 Hi. My name is Fiona. 322 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,477 I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. 323 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:31,709 Hey, I need a drink. 324 00:12:31,734 --> 00:12:32,943 Hey. Can I get another? 325 00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:34,052 What you having? 326 00:12:34,077 --> 00:12:35,328 Vodka. 327 00:12:35,353 --> 00:12:37,331 - What are you drinking? - Uh, beer. 328 00:12:41,339 --> 00:12:43,387 - Have you been drinking? - Have you? 329 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:46,891 You're drunk. 330 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,727 I'm gonna puke. 331 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,954 Did she say she's gonna puke? 332 00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:51,937 Hey, that doesn't open. 333 00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:52,897 Do not puke in the van. 334 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,064 Oh, God. 335 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,401 Oh, damn. 336 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:09,014 Oh, Jesus! Fuck! 337 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,790 Gallagher rain. 338 00:13:13,533 --> 00:13:14,534 Ugh. 339 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,301 Cheers. 340 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:23,761 What the hell are you doing? 341 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,262 Trying to get this fucking beef... 342 00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,231 in the oven. 343 00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:30,826 You gotta get in there, beef! 344 00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:38,359 Hair of the dog? 345 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,797 Christ. 346 00:14:17,715 --> 00:14:19,008 Hungry? 347 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,693 Don't. 348 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:21,777 Chicken pot pie? 349 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:22,987 - I'm serious. - Sloppy Joes? 350 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,237 Stop. Fiona. 351 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,293 I don't know, now that I'm thinking of it... 352 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,494 you know, perhaps our behavior while intoxicated 353 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,284 was, uh, less than exemplary. 354 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,727 Uh, Fiona and I, 355 00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:38,755 we're probably a lot more alike than I'm willing to admit. 356 00:14:38,898 --> 00:14:40,775 I'll put it this way. 357 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,477 If Fiona and I were in a band together, 358 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:48,392 we'd be called The Chaos Junkies. 359 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,444 Whoa! 360 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,305 Hey, that bitch stole my oxy! 361 00:15:05,517 --> 00:15:07,853 Fucking skank bitch! Get her! 362 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,745 Catch me, I'm falling 363 00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,937 South Side piece of shit! 364 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:28,761 Oh, fuck. 365 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,596 You have a bedroom, Lip. 366 00:15:30,621 --> 00:15:33,081 Yeah, says the girl who had sex on the stairs last night. 367 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,934 - Hallway. - Stand corrected. 368 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,238 Bitch! 369 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,616 Chaos, Fiona. Chaos follows you around. 370 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,951 Fuck you! 371 00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:54,103 Least I don't have a tiny penis! 372 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:59,416 Oh, shit. Back up, back up, back up! 373 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,752 Oh, my God! 374 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,921 What are you doing? 375 00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:11,696 Kick him back. You're punching like a fag. 376 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,721 Come on. 377 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,599 Yo, wakey, wakey. 378 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,661 - Get the fuck away from me! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy! 379 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,103 This dressing contains mayonnaise, 380 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,312 and I'm allergic to eggs. 381 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,314 I'm allergic to people with allergies. 382 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,774 I'm never coming back. 383 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,609 Okay, 'cause what I could really use 384 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,295 are some more customers who are allergic to food. 385 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,153 Bye. 386 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,336 There are good drunks and bad drunks. 387 00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:33,784 A good drunk is fun. 388 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,246 A bad drunk wants to have a fight. 389 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,664 Fuck your fence. 390 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,290 A good drunk lives in the present. 391 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:43,419 A bad drunk is thinking about yesterday. 392 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,628 The fuck? 393 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,089 You put my shit on the fucking curb? 394 00:16:46,113 --> 00:16:49,324 It's all about gas and the brakes. 395 00:16:49,349 --> 00:16:50,383 How you feel? 396 00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:51,719 Great. 397 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,012 - Wanna do another one? - Yeah. 398 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,805 No. 399 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:57,290 You feel good, right? 400 00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:59,150 So take a break, driver eight. 401 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,480 Wake up, sleepyhead. 402 00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:09,903 Oh, fuck. 403 00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:11,805 It's the middle of the day, man. 404 00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,024 Wait, you want another sex video? 405 00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,011 No, doofus. Remember? 406 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,620 We're supposed to record a few words about Fiona. 407 00:17:19,645 --> 00:17:21,749 Oh, your bitch of a sister? 408 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,151 Whoa. Why you saying that? 409 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,096 'Cause all she ever did was boss you guys around. 410 00:17:26,604 --> 00:17:28,547 First of the month. Pony up. 411 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,174 Hey, dishes to the sink. 412 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,027 When you find something that isn't yours, keep it that way. 413 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,218 Let's go. 414 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,887 Put that stroller back in the garbage. 415 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,573 School supplies and clothing. Nothing else. 416 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,681 Don't get any ideas. 417 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,309 Oh! No peep holes! 418 00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:41,947 Hey, brush your teeth, now. 419 00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:43,162 Debbie, go brush your teeth. 420 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:45,230 - You both brush your teeth? - Yes! 421 00:17:45,255 --> 00:17:46,381 Someone get the door. 422 00:17:46,406 --> 00:17:47,408 Carl, what the hell? 423 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,567 Where are you, Ian? 424 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,069 This is your sister and your boss. 425 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,671 You're really gonna smoke this right in front of me? 426 00:17:51,695 --> 00:17:53,739 Maybe next time you'll do what I ask. 427 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,074 Find Carl and get home, now. 428 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:56,742 - I asked you to clean up. - Did ya? 429 00:17:58,058 --> 00:17:59,616 - Okay. - The fuck? 430 00:17:59,641 --> 00:18:01,789 Party is over, now. 431 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,124 - Man, let's go. This some... - Everybody out! 432 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,166 Bye! 433 00:18:05,443 --> 00:18:07,236 Those are my fuckin' Fritos. 434 00:18:07,983 --> 00:18:09,234 Hey, Gallaghers, 435 00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,815 I need focus and cooperation. 436 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,318 Debbie, go get everyone so we can get our stories straight. 437 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,010 It's not up for discussion. 438 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,613 You're gonna dress like a fucking law-abiding citizen 439 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,747 whether you like it or not. 440 00:18:17,772 --> 00:18:19,681 In bed by midnight. No exceptions. 441 00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,183 You're filthy. Go take a shower. 442 00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:22,709 Both need showers. You're rank. 443 00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,703 No more playing dress-up. Hymen stays intact. 444 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,522 No. Absolutely not. 445 00:18:26,547 --> 00:18:28,382 No more peeing off the balcony. 446 00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,959 Debbie, that is not the outfit 447 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,462 that we picked out for your first day. 448 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,238 It's not stripper school. Go change. 449 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,118 Carl! 450 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,389 Morning, Mrs. Babiak. 451 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,789 There's a toilet right there. 452 00:18:43,814 --> 00:18:45,607 Mrs. Babiak doesn't need an anatomy lesson. 453 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,709 Please, Mrs. Babiak's got my 18th birthday circled 454 00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:48,944 on her calendar. 455 00:18:48,969 --> 00:18:50,221 Don't forget to take your meds. 456 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:51,130 Don't forget to take your meds. 457 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,597 - Meds? - Yes, Mom. 458 00:18:53,622 --> 00:18:55,409 Are they giving you your meds in there? 459 00:18:59,651 --> 00:19:01,540 Okay, she was bossy 460 00:19:01,565 --> 00:19:05,060 and... bitchy, but maybe we could say it in a nicer way. 461 00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:06,336 Cunty. 462 00:19:06,361 --> 00:19:08,154 - Much nicer. - Thanks. 463 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,608 No, I think she was just stressed all the time 464 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,110 and overwhelmed. 465 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,671 I mean, can you imagine having to wake up 466 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,071 five jerk-off kids every morning 467 00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,972 and trying to get them out the door to school? 468 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,618 Kids, breakfast! 469 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,453 Rise and shine! 470 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,788 Good morning, Milk Dud! 471 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,290 School. Hey. Up. 472 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,249 Up. 473 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,458 Up and at 'em! 474 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,305 Let's go, Frank. Showtime. 475 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:32,421 Jesus. 476 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,423 Ten minutes to get downstairs! 477 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,550 Get up and get to school. 478 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,861 You're gonna be late for school. 479 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:38,987 Why aren't you getting ready for school? 480 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:39,970 School. 481 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,096 School, remember? 482 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,182 15 minutes before school, tops. 483 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,684 Debbie, come in and eat your breakfast, okay? 484 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:46,828 You're up next in the shower. 485 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:47,852 Eat, now. 486 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,356 Debs, Lip, come and get it! 487 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:52,941 Eat more than just a Pop-Tart. 488 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,083 No more popsicles for breakfast, okay? 489 00:19:55,108 --> 00:19:56,445 No pizza. Fruit or juice. 490 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,030 No pie. Get in the shower. 491 00:19:58,071 --> 00:19:59,364 I'm not saying it again. 492 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,576 - Lunch? - Shit. 493 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,693 Would you grab the paper bags? 494 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:07,873 Here. Go. 495 00:20:07,898 --> 00:20:08,891 Don't forget your lunch. 496 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,709 Late start this morning, guys. 497 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,711 - Sorry. You're on your own. - Where's my lunch? 498 00:20:12,736 --> 00:20:15,105 You're each gettin' $3 to buy your very own school lunch. 499 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,840 Gallagher clan is flush. 500 00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:18,359 We're creepin' up on the poverty line. 501 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,093 Hey, bat stays here. 502 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:21,511 You're gonna be late. Go. 503 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,553 - Bye. - Everyone out. 504 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,616 Shit! 505 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,187 Hey, guys! 506 00:20:36,714 --> 00:20:38,129 What'd she have to be stressed about? 507 00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:39,631 She was gettin' plenty of D. 508 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,907 Oh, hey, reality show dating people, 509 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,159 get ready to have your dick sucked. 510 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:50,974 Ah! 511 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:05,695 You nasty 512 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,283 There was always a revolving door of guys in this place. 513 00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:10,453 Yeah, she had more cock in her than a bus station urinal, man. 514 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:16,108 Ooh. 515 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:17,335 Come on, I saw the way you looked at Steve 516 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,902 like a D-O-G in heat. 517 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,149 Not true. 518 00:21:20,174 --> 00:21:21,506 You never looked at the other 95 guys that way. 519 00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:23,297 Don't exaggerate. 94. 520 00:21:23,322 --> 00:21:25,242 Take a look. Al's Beef. 521 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:27,143 I think I just came. 522 00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:28,787 I've been dating this guy, Steve. 523 00:21:28,812 --> 00:21:30,105 About all we have is passion. 524 00:21:30,163 --> 00:21:31,456 Mm... 525 00:21:31,481 --> 00:21:32,941 Or two? 526 00:21:32,966 --> 00:21:34,634 Oh, God, one! 527 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,586 - Who the fuck is Candice? - Who? 528 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,588 - Uh, morning. - This is Gus. 529 00:21:38,647 --> 00:21:40,524 Boyfriend and girlfriend or just fuck buddies? 530 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,967 Welcome to my family. 531 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,011 Last night was my first time. Ever. 532 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:45,321 Tony, are you saying you were a... 533 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:46,805 Virgin? 534 00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,307 Holy shit. You popped his cherry? 535 00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:49,516 It's a big thing. 536 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,143 It's above average. 537 00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:52,144 Yes. 538 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:53,020 You and Mike getting serious? 539 00:21:54,043 --> 00:21:55,506 - I like him. - Sex good? 540 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,768 - I don't know yet. - First date Fiona? 541 00:21:58,793 --> 00:22:01,330 The girl who puts out waiting in line at the Wendy's drive-thru? 542 00:22:01,355 --> 00:22:03,405 Who told you that? Ronnie Finnegan? 543 00:22:03,430 --> 00:22:05,056 Ben Troutman. Jesus Christ. 544 00:22:05,081 --> 00:22:06,874 You've done that more than once? 545 00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:08,076 Is this a date? 546 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,304 Why? Are you hoping it is a date? 547 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:11,163 Or you're afraid we got mixed signals? 548 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:12,331 I like the signals. 549 00:22:17,002 --> 00:22:18,420 Oh, fuck! 550 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:19,622 - Nice to meet you. - Mm-hmm. 551 00:22:20,755 --> 00:22:23,380 - You're pretty damn intriguing. - How intriguing? 552 00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:28,680 - He's your boyfriend's brother! - What are you doing here? 553 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:29,907 Trying to get it through your thick skull 554 00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:33,143 - that this is over. - Could've called. Or used Facebook. 555 00:22:33,168 --> 00:22:34,497 I'm not on Facebook. 556 00:22:35,606 --> 00:22:36,899 What do you want me to say? 557 00:22:36,924 --> 00:22:39,024 That... that I'm self-destructive? 558 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:42,235 That liars and thieves and addicts turn me on? 559 00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:44,863 That I don't know how to do a normal relationship? 560 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:45,989 Was that so hard? 561 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:47,532 - Uh-oh. - What? 562 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,034 Oh, fuck. Is it lice? 563 00:22:49,059 --> 00:22:52,888 This is a completely new brand of foreplay for me. 564 00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,540 You really know how to keep it interesting, Gallagher. 565 00:22:55,582 --> 00:22:57,834 - What are you doing? - Ah, just burning my clothes. 566 00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:00,545 - Why? - Ah, you don't need to know. 567 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:03,507 - I'm bringing you there. - Oh, this motel? It's classy. 568 00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:04,674 Rooms by the hour. 569 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:06,009 That's why it's fun. 570 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:07,719 Usually, by this time in a relationship, 571 00:23:07,761 --> 00:23:10,180 the guy starts just showing up for late-night booty calls 572 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:11,515 or wants me to meet his mother. 573 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:13,517 Your lady sure knows her way around a cucumber. 574 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:14,643 Whoa! 575 00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:16,728 Either way, I start looking for reasons to walk. 576 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,980 This is why you need Tinder. Give me your phone. 577 00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:23,693 - Just swipe, fuck, leave. - V, where are you? 578 00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:24,820 You're drunk. 579 00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:26,530 I just Tinder fucked. 580 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:29,074 Six pack, only in town for a week. 581 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,117 What's the tattoo? 582 00:23:30,158 --> 00:23:31,284 Mm. Whoa. 583 00:23:31,326 --> 00:23:34,371 - Sex and back to thinking money. - What are you? 584 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,623 My financial consultant? 585 00:23:36,665 --> 00:23:38,917 You mean you're actually a financial consultant? 586 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,086 - What's wrong with your neck? - Weird rash. 587 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,587 Hmm. It's mouth-shaped. 588 00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:44,714 - Slut. - I know you are, but what am I? 589 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,258 Oh, I'll spank her later. 590 00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:47,592 Her? What about me? 591 00:23:47,634 --> 00:23:49,094 - Know what's weird? - Hmm? 592 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:50,929 Sitting at a family diner with an erection. 593 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,431 I'll keep that image in mind 594 00:23:52,472 --> 00:23:54,933 while I'm clearing plates of fried eggs. 595 00:23:55,976 --> 00:23:57,477 Ah! 596 00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:02,899 I love you. 597 00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:04,545 Did I mention that I'm falling in love with you? 598 00:24:04,569 --> 00:24:06,195 I fucking love you, okay? 599 00:24:06,220 --> 00:24:07,763 What I want is Fiona. 600 00:24:07,788 --> 00:24:09,081 I love her. 601 00:24:09,106 --> 00:24:10,632 Love is fleeting, Jimmy. 602 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:11,884 Do you know what he just told me? 603 00:24:11,908 --> 00:24:13,368 That he's fallin' in love with me. 604 00:24:13,393 --> 00:24:14,454 You didn't say it back, did you? 605 00:24:14,478 --> 00:24:15,438 I'm falling in love with you, too. 606 00:24:15,463 --> 00:24:16,756 - No. - Good girl. 607 00:24:16,781 --> 00:24:18,009 But I'm, like, freakin' out. 608 00:24:18,033 --> 00:24:19,076 I'm, like, tingling. 609 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:22,127 Hello? 610 00:24:22,169 --> 00:24:23,128 Come with me. 611 00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:25,046 Costa Rica. 612 00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,465 Well, I don't have a passport. 613 00:24:26,506 --> 00:24:28,049 We'll get one in Miami. 614 00:24:29,601 --> 00:24:31,270 - Wanna get married? - I'd marry you. 615 00:24:31,295 --> 00:24:32,213 Well, if it were up to me, I'd do it today. 616 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:34,306 Do it right now. This is stupid, right? 617 00:24:34,347 --> 00:24:35,765 - Right. - Should we just go? 618 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,142 Gus Pfender and Fiona Gallagher. 619 00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:42,189 How are you today, Mrs. Pfender? 620 00:24:42,230 --> 00:24:44,149 You're the one sleepin' with a married woman. 621 00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,674 What's that make you? 622 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:47,776 Lucky. 623 00:24:47,801 --> 00:24:50,030 If I proposed to you with this big-ass ring, 624 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:51,281 you'd be so impressed. 625 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,325 Oh, the timing's a little weird. 626 00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:56,661 The ink's barely dry on your divorce. 627 00:24:56,703 --> 00:24:57,763 I didn't think your wedding 628 00:24:57,787 --> 00:24:59,182 was gonna become an annual tradition 629 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,290 like Thanksgiving. 630 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:02,459 We're good for each other. Oh! 631 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,644 Oh, you should not have done that. 632 00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:05,086 Oh, yeah? 633 00:25:07,881 --> 00:25:09,358 Where'd you learn about music? You living on Mars? 634 00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:10,467 - Your mom. - Oh, yeah? 635 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,010 - Last time I banged her. - Oh, yeah. 636 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:14,346 That makes a lot more sense. She has awful taste. 637 00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:15,347 Tell me everywhere 638 00:25:15,388 --> 00:25:17,140 You wanna go 639 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,185 When you can't find the magic 640 00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:21,978 You are awful. 641 00:25:22,003 --> 00:25:23,421 Yee-hee. 642 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,523 I love you. 643 00:25:24,548 --> 00:25:25,966 Oh, fuck you. 644 00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:27,659 Do you still love me? 645 00:25:27,684 --> 00:25:29,544 - Don't do it. - No. 646 00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:31,196 Oh, Fiona. 647 00:25:37,237 --> 00:25:39,031 I misread that, didn't I? 648 00:25:40,747 --> 00:25:42,040 Scrub my back? 649 00:25:42,222 --> 00:25:43,462 You want me to scrub your back? 650 00:25:47,295 --> 00:25:49,756 Most of the guys weren't very nice to her, though. 651 00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:52,842 Well, she had a bad picker. It's probably why you're gay. 652 00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:57,264 - What? How so? - Isn't that, like, textbook psychology? 653 00:25:57,305 --> 00:25:59,283 You know, she never showed you, like, a good example 654 00:25:59,307 --> 00:26:00,868 of a straight relationship or something. 655 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,394 And that's why I'm gay? 656 00:26:02,419 --> 00:26:04,004 Probably. 657 00:26:04,079 --> 00:26:05,455 Not because I'm born this way? 658 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,856 What am I, a fuckin' scientist? 659 00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:08,400 I don't know. 660 00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:10,569 Or because I like your D very much. 661 00:26:12,153 --> 00:26:13,488 No. 662 00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,782 Nothing to do with that. Don't fuckin' stop. 663 00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:17,719 So this that I'm doing with my hand right now... 664 00:26:18,305 --> 00:26:19,929 only has to do with Fiona's shitty boyfriends? 665 00:26:19,953 --> 00:26:21,524 Exactly. 666 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,249 Oh! 667 00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,229 Maybe you buy me a drink to make up for it? 668 00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:29,605 You think I wanna buy you a fuckin' drink? 669 00:26:29,629 --> 00:26:30,880 Here we go. 670 00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:32,215 - So no? - You know, apparently, 671 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:34,092 you can break their fuckin' nose, and still, 672 00:26:34,134 --> 00:26:36,052 they think you wanna fuck them. 673 00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:38,680 You know why? 'Cause all men are fuckin' scum! 674 00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:40,515 All of them! 675 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:41,951 Can you believe that this guy today 676 00:26:41,975 --> 00:26:43,435 told me I was complicated? 677 00:26:43,476 --> 00:26:44,436 Yes. 678 00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:45,854 Are you serious? How? 679 00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:47,606 You married that guy after, like, a week. 680 00:26:47,647 --> 00:26:49,247 There's a little part of me that wonders 681 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:50,793 if we didn't make a big fuckin' mistake. 682 00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:52,110 Then let's make it the most fun 683 00:26:52,152 --> 00:26:53,987 big fuckin' mistake we ever made. 684 00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:56,323 And you cheated on him with your car thief ex-boyfriend. 685 00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,490 I slept with my ex. 686 00:26:57,532 --> 00:26:59,534 This must be the hubby. 687 00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:01,161 How's it going, man? How you doing? 688 00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:02,495 Oh, my God! 689 00:27:02,537 --> 00:27:03,788 - God! - What the fuck? 690 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,165 Nice to meet you! 691 00:27:05,206 --> 00:27:06,350 You had several different names. 692 00:27:06,374 --> 00:27:07,876 Everything's great, Jimmy-Steve. 693 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:09,085 His name's Jimmy now. 694 00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:10,629 Steve was just a... an alias he used 695 00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:12,023 to lie to me about who he really was. 696 00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:14,341 Ooh, not cool, Jimmy-Steve. 697 00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:15,693 Fuck that. And I'm calling him Steve. 698 00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:17,344 Jack's a good thief, Fiona, 699 00:27:17,385 --> 00:27:19,354 - but a shitty person. - Jack. 700 00:27:19,379 --> 00:27:21,765 Why does my name have to make a difference? 701 00:27:21,806 --> 00:27:23,725 Almost married a heroin addict. 702 00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:25,310 He might seem like a good guy, 703 00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:27,562 but I thought the same thing when he was my fiancé, 704 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:28,980 and he lies, and he steals, 705 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:30,315 and if you're ever fucking 706 00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:31,983 and you notice track marks on his arms, 707 00:27:32,025 --> 00:27:33,610 maybe don't keep fucking! 708 00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:35,320 Fiona? 709 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,155 You're back on drugs? 710 00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:38,823 Oh, my God. 711 00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:40,283 You bastard! 712 00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:42,637 Didn't you also get fired from a job for fucking her boss's brother? 713 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:43,661 Oh, yeah. 714 00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:47,850 - Tell me what you told Mike. - The truth! He needed to know. 715 00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:49,000 Oh! 716 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,251 Fuck you. 717 00:27:51,294 --> 00:27:52,462 I'd like you to leave now. 718 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:53,797 Okay, I get it. 719 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:55,173 I'm complicated. 720 00:27:55,215 --> 00:27:57,384 - Oh, I can keep going. - Oh, fuck you guys. 721 00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:59,528 Is it weird that I'm attracted to you now more than ever? 722 00:27:59,552 --> 00:28:00,720 Are you asking me on a date? 723 00:28:00,762 --> 00:28:02,305 Guys, Fiona, from the diner. 724 00:28:03,848 --> 00:28:05,392 This is my girlfriend, Gigi. 725 00:28:05,433 --> 00:28:07,018 - Your girlfriend? - I live with him. 726 00:28:07,060 --> 00:28:08,645 That is so funny. 727 00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:10,313 - Bye. - You're leavin'? 728 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,773 Have a nice life, Fiona. 729 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,297 Hey, Jimmy, I just wanted to say, go fuck yourself. 730 00:28:16,152 --> 00:28:17,380 He didn't even have the balls to dump me in person. 731 00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:18,613 Car thief. 732 00:28:18,638 --> 00:28:20,340 Lied about his name for months. 733 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:22,283 I'm just pissed I wasted two years of my life. 734 00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:24,452 Have a good life, fuckin' asshole! 735 00:28:24,494 --> 00:28:25,995 Holy shit. You're a fuckin' asshole. 736 00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,094 Asshole. 737 00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:30,166 Hi. Is Ford here? 738 00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:31,209 I'm his wife. 739 00:28:31,251 --> 00:28:32,544 Fiona. 740 00:28:32,585 --> 00:28:34,045 I'm such a fuckin' idiot. 741 00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:36,015 - Fiona, wait. - Take your fucking hands off my car. 742 00:28:36,039 --> 00:28:37,391 - Don't do this, Fiona. - Take your fucking... 743 00:28:37,415 --> 00:28:40,051 - No, I fucking... no! - Take your fucking hands off my car! 744 00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:41,279 Fiona! 745 00:28:42,446 --> 00:28:43,905 Holy shit. 746 00:28:43,930 --> 00:28:45,640 That looks terrible. 747 00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,392 Like, my brain is rejecting 748 00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:49,728 that an otherwise very hot girl can look this bad. 749 00:28:49,753 --> 00:28:51,046 Just want my tools back. 750 00:28:51,071 --> 00:28:52,855 Tell me how much you want for the tools. 751 00:28:55,277 --> 00:28:56,401 I'm done with men. 752 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:57,861 My instincts suck. 753 00:28:57,902 --> 00:28:59,779 No shithead radar. 754 00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,132 I was surprised to hear from you on Facebook. 755 00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:02,633 You were always with that bitchy cheerleader. 756 00:29:02,657 --> 00:29:04,492 What was her name? Lucy Jo? 757 00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:05,785 - You mean my wife. - Oh, shit. 758 00:29:06,995 --> 00:29:09,539 Seriously? 759 00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:10,749 Bitch! 760 00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:12,625 That's for fucking my husband! 761 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:13,752 - Remember me? - Shit! 762 00:29:13,793 --> 00:29:15,128 Lucy Jo Heisner? 763 00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:16,337 Why would he tell her? 764 00:29:16,379 --> 00:29:18,131 'Cause you chose a pussy. 765 00:29:18,173 --> 00:29:19,632 You always pick pussies. 766 00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:20,998 Wh... 767 00:29:21,023 --> 00:29:22,844 You can't just keep showing up. 768 00:29:22,886 --> 00:29:24,220 You have to let me go. 769 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,306 You have to let me let you go. 770 00:29:26,331 --> 00:29:28,083 I need you to do that for me. 771 00:29:28,158 --> 00:29:30,118 Take care of yourself, Fiona Gallagher. 772 00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,020 You take care of yourself, 773 00:29:32,045 --> 00:29:34,047 whatever the hell your real name is. 774 00:29:35,893 --> 00:29:37,061 Open up. 775 00:29:38,342 --> 00:29:39,694 Holy fuck. Is that Ford? 776 00:29:39,736 --> 00:29:41,446 - Yeah. - Someone help, please! 777 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:43,114 Does a paintball gun hurt? 778 00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:44,759 - Oh, fuck, yeah. - Not if you deserve it. 779 00:29:47,941 --> 00:29:50,246 This is my wedding day. Please don't fuck it up. 780 00:29:50,271 --> 00:29:52,607 Oh, yeah, I know you, Seanie boy. 781 00:29:52,632 --> 00:29:54,593 Takes a dope fiend to know a dope fiend, 782 00:29:54,618 --> 00:29:55,935 and you are world class. 783 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,420 Is that true? 784 00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,798 Oh, he's a junkie, through and through, 785 00:29:59,839 --> 00:30:01,800 your husband-to-be. 786 00:30:06,394 --> 00:30:09,307 - Hi, Fiona! - She can't hear you, V. 787 00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:11,309 - I know, Kevin. - She lives in Florida. 788 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,996 I mean, your voice is loud, but not that loud. 789 00:30:13,020 --> 00:30:14,188 Okay, whatever. 790 00:30:14,229 --> 00:30:16,815 Fiona. 791 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:18,634 What can I say about my girl? 792 00:30:18,659 --> 00:30:20,355 She is my bestie. 793 00:30:20,380 --> 00:30:23,648 When she was here, we did everything together, 794 00:30:23,673 --> 00:30:26,926 any of your typical gal-pal stuff, we did it. 795 00:30:27,050 --> 00:30:28,301 Oh! 796 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:33,660 Let's talk bachelorette party. 797 00:30:33,685 --> 00:30:35,017 Oh, I got that covered. Don't worry. 798 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,876 'Cause we gon' be doin' it 799 00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,003 - Uh-huh. - Let's go, let's go. 800 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:42,173 Ahh! 801 00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:44,384 You bitches lied to me! 802 00:30:48,429 --> 00:30:49,597 Ahh... 803 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,558 Voilà, ladies! 804 00:30:52,401 --> 00:30:54,352 You did it in a car? 805 00:30:54,377 --> 00:30:55,711 How romantic. 806 00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:58,606 Meg's right. 807 00:30:58,648 --> 00:31:00,358 - I am a loser. - Hey! 808 00:31:00,383 --> 00:31:01,676 You're Fiona Gallagher. 809 00:31:01,757 --> 00:31:03,809 You can do anything you set your mind to. 810 00:31:04,722 --> 00:31:05,723 I need a body. 811 00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:07,782 A real, live body? 812 00:31:07,807 --> 00:31:09,934 Not live. Thanks. 813 00:31:10,294 --> 00:31:11,671 Knew I could count on you. 814 00:31:13,913 --> 00:31:15,039 Holy shit! 815 00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:16,416 Pre-certified for a mortgage loan 816 00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:18,068 of up to $100,000. 817 00:31:18,093 --> 00:31:19,863 I mean, no offense, but giving that kind of money to you? 818 00:31:19,887 --> 00:31:20,805 Totally. 819 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:24,591 Kevin turned down a blow job today. 820 00:31:25,006 --> 00:31:27,051 He only wants to get off inside me now. 821 00:31:27,093 --> 00:31:29,721 Obsessed with saving his spunk for having a baby. 822 00:31:29,762 --> 00:31:31,890 Look at you, the romantic. 823 00:31:31,931 --> 00:31:33,725 You drinking for the both of us. 824 00:31:33,766 --> 00:31:35,393 Once these little girls pop out, 825 00:31:35,666 --> 00:31:37,412 I'm gonna be downing my first vodka 826 00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:41,107 before the doctor even pulls her hand out of my hoo-ha. 827 00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,275 I want my boobs back. 828 00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:43,401 I want my life back. 829 00:31:43,426 --> 00:31:44,719 I want my husband back. 830 00:31:44,744 --> 00:31:46,580 You haven't gotten laid lately, have you? 831 00:31:46,605 --> 00:31:49,741 I need to get dressed up like a sex object and be objectified. 832 00:31:49,782 --> 00:31:52,774 Drinking, dancing, guys looking at my ass. 833 00:32:03,796 --> 00:32:04,839 What happened? 834 00:32:04,881 --> 00:32:07,091 - I had an orgasm. - You had an... 835 00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:09,761 That's how horny and lonely I've been these days. 836 00:32:09,802 --> 00:32:11,566 Did I just cheat on Kev? 837 00:32:13,042 --> 00:32:14,515 Tell me, Fiona. 838 00:32:14,557 --> 00:32:16,351 How do you feel about deli meats? 839 00:32:16,376 --> 00:32:17,836 Hey, V, do you still have 840 00:32:17,861 --> 00:32:19,905 that mini camera you use for titty shots? 841 00:32:19,930 --> 00:32:21,637 He's right in there. You know what you're doing? 842 00:32:21,661 --> 00:32:23,292 Do I know how to make a man ask me for a hummer? 843 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:25,401 Wait here. 844 00:32:25,443 --> 00:32:26,778 I got it all on tape. 845 00:32:26,819 --> 00:32:28,071 - He's nasty. - Right? 846 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:29,781 Gotta be entrepreneurial, right? 847 00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:32,784 Ahh! 848 00:32:32,842 --> 00:32:34,636 Yeah, I guess you two were pretty close. 849 00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:37,483 - "Pretty close"? - But Fiona and I were thick as thieves. 850 00:32:37,508 --> 00:32:40,750 - What? "Thick as thieves"? Bullshit. - No, I'm serious. 851 00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:43,419 - Not as thick as me and her. - Thicker. 852 00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:45,296 Are you out of your mind? 853 00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:47,465 Am I? 854 00:32:47,523 --> 00:32:49,817 Kev, do guys get PMS? 855 00:32:49,842 --> 00:32:51,302 You asking me 856 00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:52,971 if I bleed from my nuts once a month? 857 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:54,180 You hooked up with Tony? 858 00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:55,556 Tony's sweet. 859 00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:56,683 How charitable of you. 860 00:32:56,724 --> 00:32:58,643 Serve and protect, huh? 861 00:32:58,685 --> 00:33:01,369 Serve and protect. 862 00:33:01,394 --> 00:33:03,286 You've been acting like a dude all summer. 863 00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:05,400 Oh, it's okay for guys to play the field, but not me? 864 00:33:05,441 --> 00:33:06,794 It's okay if you want guys to start running their dicks 865 00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:08,098 through the dishwasher after they bone you. 866 00:33:08,122 --> 00:33:09,153 Shut up. 867 00:33:09,195 --> 00:33:11,322 So you won't be getting up on my Kevin anytime soon? 868 00:33:11,364 --> 00:33:12,740 Ew. He's like my brother. 869 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:13,842 It'd be like making out with you. 870 00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:14,993 Hi. 871 00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:18,198 You just made my boy parts get bigger. 872 00:33:18,223 --> 00:33:19,414 Fuck off. 873 00:33:19,455 --> 00:33:21,082 Self-exam is no laughing matter. 874 00:33:21,124 --> 00:33:22,291 Are you serious? 875 00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:23,352 It's not a sex thing. 876 00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:24,478 It's a "save your life" thing. 877 00:33:24,502 --> 00:33:25,646 Shit. What is the word again? 878 00:33:25,670 --> 00:33:26,921 - Malignant. - Malignant. 879 00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,131 Raise your arms, Fiona, 880 00:33:28,172 --> 00:33:29,358 because "malignant" is not a word 881 00:33:29,382 --> 00:33:30,484 you ever want to have to remember. 882 00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:31,801 Thank you. 883 00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:32,861 - Okay. - All right, you're good. 884 00:33:32,885 --> 00:33:34,259 Okay. 885 00:33:34,284 --> 00:33:35,698 Since when do you work at the Laundromat? 886 00:33:35,722 --> 00:33:36,806 I own the place. 887 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:38,182 It seemed like it would be easy. 888 00:33:38,224 --> 00:33:40,184 You know, a half a dozen washing machines, 889 00:33:40,226 --> 00:33:41,519 nice cash flow. 890 00:33:41,561 --> 00:33:43,813 I-I thought that I was seizing an opportunity, 891 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,249 and now I feel like a fuckin' idiot. 892 00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:51,821 I don't know what we're laughing about. 893 00:33:52,905 --> 00:33:54,198 Hey, listen up, everyone. 894 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:55,566 I'm offering free drinks 895 00:33:55,591 --> 00:33:57,594 if you come help me out right now for a few hours. 896 00:33:57,618 --> 00:33:59,662 - Hey. - I brought help. 897 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:01,646 Christ. What a shit show. 898 00:34:01,671 --> 00:34:03,875 I got tools in my truck. I'll go grab 'em. 899 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:05,960 Everybody, shovel all this broken tile out. 900 00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:07,128 Get it the hell out of here. 901 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,560 I don't know how I'd do it without you guys. 902 00:34:12,592 --> 00:34:14,570 You know that Jagermeister really makes you chatty. 903 00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:16,846 Right? 904 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,389 Okay, fine. 905 00:34:18,431 --> 00:34:21,074 You and Fiona had a nice relationship. 906 00:34:21,517 --> 00:34:23,995 She was the best girl friend I've ever had. 907 00:34:24,020 --> 00:34:26,564 She was the only girl friend you ever had. 908 00:34:26,606 --> 00:34:28,042 That's because anytime I tried to make friends 909 00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:29,946 with other women, they always wanted to fuck me. 910 00:34:30,116 --> 00:34:32,067 - Oh, is that what it was? - Yeah. 911 00:34:32,092 --> 00:34:34,339 Fiona's the only woman who's never wanted to fuck me. 912 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:36,282 Because she's like a sister to us. 913 00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:37,725 She's family. 914 00:34:37,750 --> 00:34:39,043 Ew, you're right. 915 00:34:39,068 --> 00:34:40,547 Thank God she never wanted to fuck me. 916 00:34:40,571 --> 00:34:42,406 Yep. Thank God. 917 00:34:43,749 --> 00:34:45,374 Am I camera ready or what? 918 00:34:45,416 --> 00:34:46,292 Ow! 919 00:34:47,401 --> 00:34:48,736 Yes, baby. 920 00:34:53,966 --> 00:34:55,927 You don't actually have to get married, do you? 921 00:34:55,952 --> 00:34:57,412 What's the point, then? 922 00:34:57,437 --> 00:34:59,675 All the free shit, baby. 923 00:34:59,700 --> 00:35:00,848 - Oh! - Hey! 924 00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:01,909 - Oh, damn. - Ooh, baby, come on. 925 00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,745 Okay, Gallaghers. 926 00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:06,854 You're the only family I got, so let's put this on film, huh? 927 00:35:09,458 --> 00:35:10,918 I might not mind 928 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:12,610 having a baby Kev running around. 929 00:35:12,652 --> 00:35:14,162 Little tomorrow person. 930 00:35:14,997 --> 00:35:16,374 What? 931 00:35:16,399 --> 00:35:18,211 Well, that's what I call little mixed-race babies. 932 00:35:18,235 --> 00:35:20,724 Little people of tomorrow. 933 00:35:21,327 --> 00:35:22,620 If it is a boy... 934 00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:24,205 If it is a boy, you gotta circumcise. 935 00:35:24,230 --> 00:35:26,107 I mean, have you ever seen one that's uncut? 936 00:35:26,132 --> 00:35:27,569 You don't know what's going on up in there. 937 00:35:27,593 --> 00:35:29,261 It does not make you wanna go downtown, 938 00:35:29,335 --> 00:35:31,309 and you want your kid to get his share of head, right? 939 00:35:31,333 --> 00:35:32,626 Thank you! 940 00:35:36,488 --> 00:35:38,928 - What's going on with him? - He had a vasectomy. 941 00:35:38,953 --> 00:35:40,633 - Little swelling. - Little swelling. 942 00:35:40,658 --> 00:35:42,691 My ball's the size of a grapefruit, V. 943 00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:47,074 Kevin and I got into a fight. 944 00:35:47,353 --> 00:35:49,021 Screw that. 945 00:35:49,063 --> 00:35:50,648 - Fi... - No. 946 00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:52,316 - Screw that. - Fiona. 947 00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:53,484 I'm out of my mind 948 00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,374 'cause you and V are the only things 949 00:35:55,399 --> 00:35:57,381 that have ever made sense to me in this whole fucked-up world. 950 00:35:57,405 --> 00:35:59,866 I swear to God, if you leave V... 951 00:35:59,907 --> 00:36:00,867 - You're leaving V? - No! 952 00:36:00,908 --> 00:36:02,618 Fiona, what the hell? 953 00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:07,456 I'm sorry, but I would never leave you. 954 00:36:07,943 --> 00:36:09,528 You gotta know that. 955 00:36:11,377 --> 00:36:13,589 After everything we've been through, 956 00:36:15,381 --> 00:36:17,089 you kind of just have to know that. 957 00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:23,014 Whoa. 958 00:36:23,055 --> 00:36:25,016 You just snotted the whole table. 959 00:36:27,059 --> 00:36:28,477 Thank you, thank you, 960 00:36:28,519 --> 00:36:30,021 but I'm not actually a stripper. 961 00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:32,440 - Shut up. Take the cash. - Yeah! 962 00:36:32,481 --> 00:36:33,774 Thank you. 963 00:36:33,816 --> 00:36:35,985 I've never dranken from a penis before. 964 00:36:39,906 --> 00:36:42,783 So it's come to this, huh? 965 00:36:42,825 --> 00:36:44,458 You wanna know about Fiona. 966 00:36:45,039 --> 00:36:48,042 The perspective only a father can give. 967 00:36:48,153 --> 00:36:50,948 I have a lot to say, you know, 968 00:36:50,973 --> 00:36:53,567 but first, am I getting paid for this? 969 00:36:54,278 --> 00:36:57,590 It might determine just how juicy the details are 970 00:36:57,615 --> 00:36:58,657 that I give you. 971 00:36:58,682 --> 00:37:00,267 Uh-huh. 972 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,637 Otherwise, suit yourself. 973 00:37:02,678 --> 00:37:04,260 You get what you get from me. 974 00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:08,471 Anyway, what can I say? 975 00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:12,658 Fiona, Fiona, Fiona, Fiona, Fiona. 976 00:37:15,401 --> 00:37:17,109 Frank? Frank! Frank. 977 00:37:17,151 --> 00:37:18,486 Fuck, Frank! 978 00:37:18,527 --> 00:37:20,321 Frank, what the hell is going on? 979 00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:23,908 As of right now, you are officially on the wagon. 980 00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:25,326 Are those my jeans, Frank? 981 00:37:25,368 --> 00:37:26,994 You're not leaving Hymie here, Frank. 982 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:28,663 This isn't a DUI, Frank. 983 00:37:28,704 --> 00:37:29,932 You're a fuckin' asshole, Frank. 984 00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:31,374 You look like shit, Frank. 985 00:37:31,415 --> 00:37:32,833 The doctor talk to you, Frank? 986 00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:34,418 Yeah. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 987 00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:36,063 Stop drinking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." 988 00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,922 Why does it always come down to Frank? 989 00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:38,839 Oh, fuck, Frank. 990 00:37:38,881 --> 00:37:39,757 Piss off, Frank. 991 00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,717 Sleep in your room, Frank. 992 00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,010 What you need, Frank? 993 00:37:43,052 --> 00:37:45,096 Frank, what are they doing in our yard? 994 00:37:46,097 --> 00:37:47,431 Enough with the kicking! 995 00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:48,599 Christ! 996 00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:50,434 Frank, one more word, 997 00:37:50,476 --> 00:37:52,687 you'll be sharing a mattress with your friends out back. 998 00:37:52,728 --> 00:37:54,063 Let's not be hasty. 999 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,940 You are not part of this conversation, Frank. 1000 00:37:55,982 --> 00:37:58,526 Would you happen to have a spare bed for your old pops? 1001 00:37:58,551 --> 00:37:59,469 No. 1002 00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:00,495 - Hey, Frank. - Frank. 1003 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:01,796 Frank. Frank. Frank. 1004 00:38:01,821 --> 00:38:02,947 Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. 1005 00:38:02,989 --> 00:38:04,258 Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. 1006 00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,157 Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. Frank. 1007 00:38:05,199 --> 00:38:06,200 Frank. Frank. Frank! 1008 00:38:06,242 --> 00:38:07,718 I go by Francis now. 1009 00:38:18,792 --> 00:38:20,377 So strident. 1010 00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:24,972 Chip off the old block. 1011 00:38:25,900 --> 00:38:27,443 Like father, like daughter. 1012 00:38:27,468 --> 00:38:30,012 The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 1013 00:38:30,037 --> 00:38:33,707 These expressions don't begin to describe 1014 00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:36,856 how similar me and the heir to my throne are... 1015 00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:41,544 starting with our work ethic. 1016 00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:46,157 Tell me what my benefits would be 1017 00:38:46,182 --> 00:38:47,976 if I were to retire right now. 1018 00:38:48,001 --> 00:38:50,545 It says here you only worked six weeks your entire life. 1019 00:38:50,619 --> 00:38:52,065 Well... 1020 00:38:52,371 --> 00:38:54,165 if you mean a "formal" job. 1021 00:38:54,190 --> 00:38:56,651 - What are we doing today? - Biohazard. 1022 00:38:56,676 --> 00:38:59,151 Got a few blocks of raw sewage down there. 1023 00:39:02,643 --> 00:39:04,550 That's the problem with working. 1024 00:39:04,575 --> 00:39:06,201 Too much instability. 1025 00:39:06,226 --> 00:39:07,862 Stress. 1026 00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:09,031 I saw the "help wanted" sign. 1027 00:39:09,055 --> 00:39:10,931 It's minimum wage, nights. 1028 00:39:10,956 --> 00:39:12,067 I need a job. 1029 00:39:14,310 --> 00:39:15,811 Get a job, Frank. 1030 00:39:15,836 --> 00:39:17,755 Well, now, why would I do that, Gail? 1031 00:39:17,780 --> 00:39:19,784 How do you think we made it all these years, huh? 1032 00:39:19,809 --> 00:39:21,250 You ready, big man? Come on. 1033 00:39:21,275 --> 00:39:22,485 Busting my ass, 1034 00:39:22,510 --> 00:39:23,678 working eight jobs... 1035 00:39:23,753 --> 00:39:24,837 Who's got the jumbo dog? 1036 00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:25,780 How'd you know? 1037 00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:26,947 X-ray vision. 1038 00:39:28,015 --> 00:39:29,641 Keep the change, darling. 1039 00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:35,465 "Your Illinois State work compensation 1040 00:39:35,518 --> 00:39:37,061 has been terminated"! 1041 00:39:37,086 --> 00:39:39,223 No! 1042 00:39:41,190 --> 00:39:42,275 Gotta find a job. 1043 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:43,964 Show me the special list. 1044 00:39:44,006 --> 00:39:45,550 These are the jobs nobody wants. 1045 00:39:45,574 --> 00:39:48,736 Conditions are hazardous, unsafe, or both. 1046 00:39:48,761 --> 00:39:50,012 You're guaranteed to get hurt. 1047 00:39:50,037 --> 00:39:51,689 Good man, Gary. 1048 00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:55,059 Serious injuries that occur each year 1049 00:39:55,084 --> 00:39:57,471 show that a forklift can be dangerous. 1050 00:39:57,496 --> 00:39:59,730 I don't like that you're getting hurt on purpose 1051 00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:01,315 to make money; isn't that cheating? 1052 00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,317 I prefer to think of it as helping. 1053 00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:05,116 - You do? - When I collect workman's comp, 1054 00:40:05,141 --> 00:40:07,054 some lady has to fill out the paperwork. 1055 00:40:07,079 --> 00:40:09,366 Wasn't for me, she'd be unemployed. 1056 00:40:09,936 --> 00:40:13,202 Well, it's back to the grindstone for this guy. 1057 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:14,703 - Whoa! - Oh, careful, Frank. 1058 00:40:14,745 --> 00:40:16,920 That spill almost got you there. Huh. 1059 00:40:16,945 --> 00:40:18,541 Already lost one best work friend. 1060 00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:20,793 Don't need to lose another so soon. 1061 00:40:24,613 --> 00:40:26,698 Gotta find something more permanent. 1062 00:40:26,774 --> 00:40:28,317 Tell Juan that Kim sent you. 1063 00:40:28,342 --> 00:40:30,970 It's not hookin', right? It is hooking? 1064 00:40:31,011 --> 00:40:32,888 I'm barely scraping by. 1065 00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:35,433 I've been cleaning a dead body out of an apartment all day. 1066 00:40:35,474 --> 00:40:37,268 Oh, my God. No, no, no. 1067 00:40:37,309 --> 00:40:38,436 Oh, fuck. 1068 00:40:38,477 --> 00:40:41,355 You've gone and died, Billy! 1069 00:40:41,380 --> 00:40:42,756 No, no, no! 1070 00:40:42,781 --> 00:40:44,074 Ugh. 1071 00:40:44,099 --> 00:40:45,335 Paramedics are on the way. 1072 00:40:45,359 --> 00:40:49,113 I can't stay here and watch them zip him up. 1073 00:40:49,155 --> 00:40:50,781 - What's up, Frank? - Big score. 1074 00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:53,117 - Fresh dead guy. - You diggin' that smell? 1075 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,535 Something die in here? 1076 00:40:54,577 --> 00:40:56,787 Maggots, roaches, rats, flies. 1077 00:40:56,829 --> 00:40:58,205 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1078 00:40:58,247 --> 00:40:59,641 - Oh, my God. - Keep your mouth shut. 1079 00:40:59,665 --> 00:41:01,083 And I don't mean "shut up." 1080 00:41:01,125 --> 00:41:02,811 I mean don't let anything splash in your mouth. 1081 00:41:02,835 --> 00:41:04,378 I want you to break my leg. 1082 00:41:04,403 --> 00:41:05,863 I need the insurance money. 1083 00:41:05,888 --> 00:41:07,432 If you love me, son, you'll do this. 1084 00:41:07,457 --> 00:41:08,667 Can I put it on YouTube? 1085 00:41:08,692 --> 00:41:09,693 Sh... 1086 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:12,970 No. 1087 00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:13,929 It's time for the talk. 1088 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:14,972 "The talk"? 1089 00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:16,337 The 401 talk. 1090 00:41:17,892 --> 00:41:19,310 Oh, fuck! Ah! Ahh! 1091 00:41:19,351 --> 00:41:20,537 You're eligible to participate. 1092 00:41:20,561 --> 00:41:22,521 What's a 401? 1093 00:41:22,546 --> 00:41:25,924 What, I'm supposed to take off work to go do this? 1094 00:41:25,983 --> 00:41:28,694 Of course not, because, uh, as you know, 1095 00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:30,213 this injury's prevented you from working. 1096 00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,655 - Remember? - Oh, shit. 1097 00:41:31,697 --> 00:41:33,282 I got a meeting today. 1098 00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:34,551 I'm gonna start looking at commercial properties. 1099 00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:36,619 You don't have much in the way of work history. 1100 00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:38,829 Been a stay-at-home dad most of my life. 1101 00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:40,182 What do you think the rental increase 1102 00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:41,832 per square foot is gonna be year to year 1103 00:41:41,857 --> 00:41:43,025 with gentrification? 1104 00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:44,469 - At least 20 percent. - Really? 1105 00:41:44,494 --> 00:41:46,580 Aren't things actually leveling off? 1106 00:41:46,605 --> 00:41:49,108 - _ - I got kicked out of the military 1107 00:41:49,133 --> 00:41:50,733 'cause I couldn't get enough of his cock. 1108 00:41:53,802 --> 00:41:54,887 Thank you. 1109 00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:56,722 - Oh, thank you. - Oorah. 1110 00:41:57,699 --> 00:41:58,849 So what the hell, Whitford? 1111 00:41:58,874 --> 00:42:00,143 Do you think I'm not smart enough? 1112 00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,436 Or you just like making women feel like 1113 00:42:02,478 --> 00:42:04,188 they need to fuck you to join an LLC? 1114 00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:06,273 I see you visited our hospital 52 times, 1115 00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:07,274 and you have no insurance. 1116 00:42:07,598 --> 00:42:09,360 Difficulty securing employment 1117 00:42:09,401 --> 00:42:10,861 in this challenging economy. 1118 00:42:10,903 --> 00:42:12,780 Unemployment rate is under 4 percent. 1119 00:42:12,805 --> 00:42:14,581 We're hiring janitors without hands. 1120 00:42:18,244 --> 00:42:21,877 Fiona learned everything she knows from me. 1121 00:42:22,289 --> 00:42:25,651 She was my A-plus student, 1122 00:42:26,043 --> 00:42:27,862 my protégé, 1123 00:42:28,698 --> 00:42:31,924 and as a result of everything I taught her, 1124 00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:34,385 she respected me, looked up to me. 1125 00:42:34,410 --> 00:42:37,329 She appreciated my ways of the world 1126 00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:39,768 and the infinite wisdom I held, 1127 00:42:40,266 --> 00:42:43,435 but because Fiona was a young spirit, 1128 00:42:43,477 --> 00:42:46,189 not experienced in life, 1129 00:42:46,214 --> 00:42:49,233 she sometimes doubted my choices... 1130 00:42:49,275 --> 00:42:53,404 Would butt in, insert herself into my process. 1131 00:42:53,445 --> 00:42:55,739 She didn't always trust that I had things 1132 00:42:55,781 --> 00:42:57,658 absolutely under control. 1133 00:42:57,700 --> 00:42:59,076 Oh, shit. Whoa! 1134 00:43:00,202 --> 00:43:03,038 You think... 1135 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,541 Fuckin' folding you... 1136 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:06,893 I wouldn't put him anywhere near carpet 1137 00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:08,002 till his pants dry a bit. 1138 00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:09,794 - Who the hell is that? - My dad. 1139 00:43:11,645 --> 00:43:13,757 Oh, you found our emergency fund. 1140 00:43:13,799 --> 00:43:14,842 So we're covered. 1141 00:43:14,883 --> 00:43:16,427 Oh, no. Come on, no! 1142 00:43:16,468 --> 00:43:17,872 Ahh! 1143 00:43:18,887 --> 00:43:20,956 It hurts. Need a sponge bath. 1144 00:43:20,981 --> 00:43:22,178 Jesus. How long did the 1145 00:43:22,202 --> 00:43:24,035 doctor say you were gonna be like this? 1146 00:43:24,059 --> 00:43:25,603 Fork over the cash! 1147 00:43:25,644 --> 00:43:27,104 Craig! 1148 00:43:27,129 --> 00:43:29,464 Some old-ass junkie's trying to hit us again. 1149 00:43:29,489 --> 00:43:31,083 Let's go. No, no, no, no. 1150 00:43:31,108 --> 00:43:32,610 Wait, uh, pull. Pull! 1151 00:43:32,651 --> 00:43:33,777 Oh, shit. Go! 1152 00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:38,035 Oh, what did I do this time? 1153 00:43:38,060 --> 00:43:39,742 - Jesus. - Guess who came by today. 1154 00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:41,192 The city. 1155 00:43:41,217 --> 00:43:43,621 They're digging up the yard to work on the sewer line. 1156 00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:46,165 You need to find Aunt Ginger before they do. 1157 00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:47,661 You buried her. 1158 00:43:47,686 --> 00:43:49,126 You unbury her. 1159 00:43:49,151 --> 00:43:50,294 Guys, bad news. 1160 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:51,670 We all gotta dig tonight. 1161 00:43:51,712 --> 00:43:53,589 Frank can't find Aunt Ginger. 1162 00:43:53,614 --> 00:43:55,302 Once again, saddled with a mess we didn't create. 1163 00:43:55,327 --> 00:43:56,766 The sooner we get out there and dig, 1164 00:43:56,791 --> 00:43:57,860 the sooner it'll all be over. 1165 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:00,638 I'll get the money. 1166 00:44:00,679 --> 00:44:02,306 I will get the money somehow. 1167 00:44:02,348 --> 00:44:03,307 I'll do it. I'll make it right. 1168 00:44:03,349 --> 00:44:04,564 I'll make it right. 1169 00:44:07,079 --> 00:44:08,479 Sir, step out of the car. 1170 00:44:10,548 --> 00:44:13,817 Ten thousand says you cannot get Tasered 1171 00:44:13,859 --> 00:44:15,319 and not soil your tighty-whities. 1172 00:44:15,361 --> 00:44:16,737 Do it! 1173 00:44:20,808 --> 00:44:22,310 Where's my fuckin' money? 1174 00:44:22,335 --> 00:44:23,594 You were serious about that? 1175 00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,329 We'll keep the kid as collateral. 1176 00:44:26,455 --> 00:44:27,831 - Frank! - Frank! 1177 00:44:27,873 --> 00:44:29,667 Hey. 1178 00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:32,252 Where is Liam? 1179 00:44:32,294 --> 00:44:34,338 He's at his first sleepover. 1180 00:44:35,422 --> 00:44:36,507 Who the fuck are you? 1181 00:44:36,548 --> 00:44:37,633 We want Liam back. 1182 00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:38,717 He's collateral. 1183 00:44:38,915 --> 00:44:40,208 You better start shootin'. 1184 00:44:42,369 --> 00:44:43,514 Hey. Good to see you. 1185 00:44:43,539 --> 00:44:44,539 Man, shut the fuck up. 1186 00:44:46,674 --> 00:44:47,911 Now, where the hell is our brother? 1187 00:44:47,936 --> 00:44:49,521 I didn't mean for that... 1188 00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:53,524 Twenty questions to see if Al-Anon could be right for you. 1189 00:44:53,565 --> 00:44:55,335 - Yeah? How'd you do? - Twenty out of twenty. 1190 00:44:55,359 --> 00:44:57,069 "Have holidays or gatherings 1191 00:44:57,094 --> 00:45:00,180 ever been spoiled by a loved one's drinking?" 1192 00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:04,868 "Have you ever called the police 1193 00:45:04,910 --> 00:45:06,097 for fear of abuse?" 1194 00:45:06,122 --> 00:45:08,205 Out, or I swear to God, I'm gonna call the cops. 1195 00:45:08,247 --> 00:45:09,307 What kind of a Gallagher are you? 1196 00:45:09,331 --> 00:45:10,541 Out. 1197 00:45:10,582 --> 00:45:11,375 Are the asses in the window 1198 00:45:11,417 --> 00:45:12,209 gonna be a problem? 1199 00:45:12,251 --> 00:45:13,711 Jesus. 1200 00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:15,879 "Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?" 1201 00:45:15,938 --> 00:45:19,483 Can you connect me with Child Welfare Services? 1202 00:45:19,508 --> 00:45:21,135 You're the one who called DFS on 'em 1203 00:45:21,176 --> 00:45:22,398 to have 'em taken away. 1204 00:45:22,423 --> 00:45:23,822 And what's the situation? 1205 00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:27,057 Six kids living in squalor. 1206 00:45:27,099 --> 00:45:29,059 No parental supervision. 1207 00:45:29,101 --> 00:45:32,312 "Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly?" 1208 00:45:32,337 --> 00:45:33,630 Oh... 1209 00:45:33,689 --> 00:45:35,239 What are you doing, Frank? 1210 00:45:35,264 --> 00:45:36,859 I'm just watching you sleep. 1211 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,068 Jesus Christ. 1212 00:45:38,110 --> 00:45:39,587 You're really starting to creep me out. 1213 00:45:39,611 --> 00:45:41,207 And my personal favorite, 1214 00:45:41,232 --> 00:45:42,906 "Do you care for others easily..." 1215 00:45:42,948 --> 00:45:44,783 Fuck, Frank. 1216 00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:48,287 "but find it difficult to care for yourself?" 1217 00:45:49,329 --> 00:45:50,914 Good job, Fiona. 1218 00:45:50,956 --> 00:45:53,591 I don't know how I could do this without you. 1219 00:45:54,087 --> 00:45:55,767 Thanks for all your hard work. 1220 00:45:57,296 --> 00:45:59,552 You're welcome, Dad. 1221 00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:01,091 So there you have it. 1222 00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:04,106 My mini me, Fiona Gallagher. 1223 00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:07,598 Direct descendant of my loins. 1224 00:46:07,639 --> 00:46:09,455 We breathe the same air, 1225 00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:12,311 which, of course, is why sometimes 1226 00:46:12,352 --> 00:46:14,533 I've had to step in and school her, 1227 00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:17,416 teach her a life lesson, 1228 00:46:17,717 --> 00:46:19,969 show her the ropes, as it were. 1229 00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:26,784 Sometimes I may have... inadvertently hurt her, 1230 00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:28,452 but at the end of the day, 1231 00:46:28,494 --> 00:46:30,786 I'm the one who knows what's best for her 1232 00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:33,373 because I am her. 1233 00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:36,460 Ahh! 1234 00:46:36,502 --> 00:46:38,796 - Ah! - Come here! 1235 00:46:38,837 --> 00:46:40,714 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1236 00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:42,382 Do not let that woman in. 1237 00:46:42,424 --> 00:46:43,926 The hell did you do? 1238 00:46:43,967 --> 00:46:46,553 Know how I know you fucked him? 1239 00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:49,640 He told me, you filthy penis mitten! 1240 00:46:50,650 --> 00:46:51,902 I was chased from my own house, 1241 00:46:51,927 --> 00:46:53,554 and now I'm hiding in yours. 1242 00:46:53,660 --> 00:46:54,828 Holy shit, I'm you. 1243 00:46:54,853 --> 00:46:56,647 I have waited for this day. 1244 00:47:07,407 --> 00:47:09,451 - What? - That's my stool. 1245 00:47:12,704 --> 00:47:14,224 Well, tough shit. Looks like it's my stool now. 1246 00:47:14,248 --> 00:47:15,892 Come on, it's my stool. That's where I sit. 1247 00:47:15,916 --> 00:47:17,584 Come on. Let me sit here. 1248 00:47:17,626 --> 00:47:19,002 Get... fuck, all right. 1249 00:47:19,044 --> 00:47:20,838 Fine. Jesus. 1250 00:47:29,513 --> 00:47:32,015 Do you remember anything about last night? 1251 00:47:32,057 --> 00:47:33,475 - No. - Me neither. 1252 00:47:34,970 --> 00:47:36,770 Hey, how about that ecstasy? 1253 00:47:36,812 --> 00:47:38,146 No, thanks. 1254 00:47:38,188 --> 00:47:40,691 You already took it. 1255 00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:41,859 Hurry up in there. 1256 00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:42,860 I gotta help my mother out of bed 1257 00:47:42,901 --> 00:47:44,111 and take her to the bathroom. 1258 00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:45,445 Really putting a damper 1259 00:47:45,487 --> 00:47:46,548 on your "drink, puke, sleep" schedule, huh? 1260 00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,781 I can't take it anymore. 1261 00:47:47,823 --> 00:47:49,324 Your problem. Not ours. 1262 00:47:49,349 --> 00:47:51,309 Ah! What was that? 1263 00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:52,828 Where's your grandmother? 1264 00:47:52,870 --> 00:47:53,996 Buying more supplies. 1265 00:47:54,037 --> 00:47:54,913 I'm gonna kill her. 1266 00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,373 I never thought I'd say this, 1267 00:47:56,415 --> 00:47:57,851 but you were right; we have to get rid of her. 1268 00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,143 She's putting our lives in danger. 1269 00:47:59,167 --> 00:48:00,878 I will fuck you up! 1270 00:48:00,919 --> 00:48:02,129 - Shit! - Whoa! 1271 00:48:03,171 --> 00:48:04,172 Put a hit out on her. 1272 00:48:04,214 --> 00:48:05,800 She's your mother. 1273 00:48:05,825 --> 00:48:08,870 Oh, like you haven't thought about doing that to me before. 1274 00:48:08,927 --> 00:48:11,406 - We set her up? - Yeah, I guess that's what I mean. 1275 00:48:11,430 --> 00:48:13,181 Finally thinking like a Gallagher. 1276 00:48:13,223 --> 00:48:15,142 We could have the cops pick her up, 1277 00:48:15,183 --> 00:48:16,977 tell them it's a Chapter 405. 1278 00:48:17,002 --> 00:48:18,753 - Mental disorder? - They'd take her away. 1279 00:48:20,972 --> 00:48:22,458 Okay, so we'll clean up the meth lab, 1280 00:48:22,482 --> 00:48:24,151 air the place out, and then call the cops. 1281 00:48:24,176 --> 00:48:26,710 They'll bring her to a geriatric psych ward, 1282 00:48:26,735 --> 00:48:28,864 hold her 72 hours, do an evaluation. 1283 00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:30,758 - What if they find her normal? - Oh, get the f... 1284 00:48:30,782 --> 00:48:32,034 Okay, you're right. 1285 00:48:32,059 --> 00:48:34,520 Welcome to the ranks of the unemployed. 1286 00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:35,704 I'm fine with it. 1287 00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,080 I mean, fuck them. 1288 00:48:37,105 --> 00:48:38,982 Being broke sucks, though. 1289 00:48:39,007 --> 00:48:40,100 Ah, you get used to it. 1290 00:48:40,125 --> 00:48:41,710 You just gotta be creative. 1291 00:48:41,752 --> 00:48:42,878 Buy me a beer? 1292 00:48:44,296 --> 00:48:45,505 That's funny. 1293 00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:47,591 - Fuck all of you. - Ungrateful little shits! 1294 00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:48,926 Rattin' me out. 1295 00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:50,761 That's why things I do for them... 1296 00:48:50,802 --> 00:48:52,572 - Blood, sweat, and tears... - If it weren't for me, 1297 00:48:52,596 --> 00:48:54,032 none of you NA motherfuckers would even have a job. 1298 00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:55,450 This is not how a family treats each other. 1299 00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:56,742 Can I be honest with you? 1300 00:48:56,767 --> 00:49:00,479 I am not the reason that your life is a piece of crap. 1301 00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,422 You came out of me a loser. 1302 00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:05,150 It's tough. 1303 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,401 My parents suck, too. 1304 00:49:09,029 --> 00:49:10,697 Morning, Sweathogs. 1305 00:49:10,739 --> 00:49:11,573 Blackout. 1306 00:49:11,615 --> 00:49:12,574 We got a blackout. 1307 00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:13,951 No shit, Frank. 1308 00:49:13,976 --> 00:49:16,395 Where there's panic, there's money to be made. 1309 00:49:16,420 --> 00:49:17,638 You mean rippin' people off? 1310 00:49:17,663 --> 00:49:18,830 Completely legit. 1311 00:49:18,872 --> 00:49:20,290 Frank's Blackout Supply 1312 00:49:20,332 --> 00:49:21,333 has everything you need. 1313 00:49:21,375 --> 00:49:22,477 What's in it for me? 1314 00:49:22,501 --> 00:49:23,835 - Twenty percent? - Seventy. 1315 00:49:23,877 --> 00:49:25,921 - Thirty. - Fifty percent, final offer. 1316 00:49:26,134 --> 00:49:28,382 No one's gonna buy anything from you, Frank. 1317 00:49:28,423 --> 00:49:29,424 You're Frank. 1318 00:49:29,466 --> 00:49:30,826 Deal. 1319 00:49:31,009 --> 00:49:33,045 Gallagher Blackout Supply. 1320 00:49:33,070 --> 00:49:35,472 Got everything you need right here, folks! 1321 00:49:35,514 --> 00:49:37,224 Who's waiting on cold, soaked rags? 1322 00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:38,892 Two waters. Two beers. 1323 00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:41,103 Could I get a battery over here? 1324 00:49:41,128 --> 00:49:42,380 Here you go. 1325 00:49:42,405 --> 00:49:43,716 Who wanted the bat... There you go. 1326 00:49:43,741 --> 00:49:45,451 Hey. Here. Help me. 1327 00:49:45,524 --> 00:49:46,400 What are we doing? 1328 00:49:46,441 --> 00:49:47,776 We're being creative. 1329 00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:49,152 Dump. 1330 00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:52,114 I don't... 1331 00:49:52,155 --> 00:49:53,424 Hey, that's my kid's pool, motherfucker! 1332 00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:54,801 - Oh, shit. - Come on, come on. 1333 00:49:54,825 --> 00:49:55,450 - Oh, shit. - Come on, run, run. 1334 00:49:55,492 --> 00:49:56,660 Oh, whoa! 1335 00:49:56,702 --> 00:49:58,078 Here you go. Thank you. 1336 00:49:58,103 --> 00:49:59,396 How much to charge a phone? 1337 00:49:59,421 --> 00:50:00,899 - It's a dollar a minute. - Okay, I'll take five. 1338 00:50:00,924 --> 00:50:03,635 Beer, beer, thank you, thank you, thank you. 1339 00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:06,545 We made a shitload of money out there today. 1340 00:50:06,603 --> 00:50:08,230 You're really good at this. 1341 00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:09,881 There's your half. 1342 00:50:09,906 --> 00:50:11,324 I wanna renegotiate. 1343 00:50:11,349 --> 00:50:12,976 - The hell? - Sixty-forty, 1344 00:50:13,001 --> 00:50:16,463 or next time, I just open my own Blackout Supply, 1345 00:50:16,488 --> 00:50:20,241 and, trust me, you don't want me as your competition. 1346 00:50:20,522 --> 00:50:22,941 Thanks, Francis. 1347 00:50:24,563 --> 00:50:26,523 - All right, it's filming. - Frank, come on! 1348 00:50:27,941 --> 00:50:28,817 Go! 1349 00:50:31,236 --> 00:50:32,547 We were supposed to be done with this ten minutes ago. 1350 00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:35,842 You want me to come do it, huh? All right. 1351 00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:37,552 - Your shoulder's in me. - All right, all right, 1352 00:50:37,576 --> 00:50:39,429 - all right, all right. - That's my knee! 1353 00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:40,871 You guys ready? All right. 1354 00:50:40,912 --> 00:50:42,056 - We're good? All right. - Yeah. 1355 00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:43,141 We have one more thing we wanna say. 1356 00:50:43,165 --> 00:50:44,434 Since you're asking about Fiona... 1357 00:50:44,458 --> 00:50:45,780 and you all want to know about her... 1358 00:50:45,805 --> 00:50:47,395 there's one thing we haven't told you yet. 1359 00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:49,212 Yeah, I'm not part of this shit. 1360 00:50:49,237 --> 00:50:51,031 If someone you know is fuckin' with you... 1361 00:50:51,056 --> 00:50:52,575 Hell, if someone you don't know is fuckin' with you... 1362 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,019 we got a piece of advice. 1363 00:50:54,044 --> 00:50:56,088 If you wanna protect your family and friends... 1364 00:50:56,195 --> 00:50:57,988 go Fiona on 'em! 1365 00:50:58,013 --> 00:50:59,198 - Yeah! - Pow! 1366 00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,182 - That'll do it. - Yeah! 1367 00:51:00,223 --> 00:51:02,059 Get out of here, you piece of shit! 1368 00:51:02,084 --> 00:51:04,503 You better run, you sick bastard! 1369 00:51:04,528 --> 00:51:06,480 You don't return my calls or my texts? 1370 00:51:06,505 --> 00:51:07,749 Stop hitting me! Ahh! God damn it! 1371 00:51:07,773 --> 00:51:09,024 Enough! 1372 00:51:09,049 --> 00:51:10,675 Tell me you didn't go all Fiona on him. 1373 00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:13,202 What have you done? What have you done? 1374 00:51:13,227 --> 00:51:14,061 Carl! 1375 00:51:14,086 --> 00:51:14,962 You left Liam where? 1376 00:51:14,987 --> 00:51:16,321 For fuck's sake, Deb. 1377 00:51:16,346 --> 00:51:17,741 Did you write a Yelp review? 1378 00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:18,950 Yeah. 1379 00:51:18,975 --> 00:51:20,286 That feels pretty bad, doesn't it, huh? 1380 00:51:20,311 --> 00:51:21,653 It's okay, baby. 1381 00:51:21,678 --> 00:51:23,431 Maybe you should stop being such an asshole, huh? 1382 00:51:23,455 --> 00:51:25,248 Go cry to your daddy about your trust fund, 1383 00:51:25,290 --> 00:51:26,291 you little bitch! 1384 00:51:26,316 --> 00:51:27,942 "Going Fiona" is not a thing. 1385 00:51:27,967 --> 00:51:29,343 Trust me. It's a thing. 1386 00:51:29,368 --> 00:51:30,387 Mind your fuckin' business. 1387 00:51:30,412 --> 00:51:31,496 Butt the fuck out. 1388 00:51:31,521 --> 00:51:32,814 Is that so fuckin' hard? 1389 00:51:32,839 --> 00:51:34,215 My heinous cunt of a half sister 1390 00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:35,157 called the fucking... 1391 00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:36,259 No. 1392 00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:37,260 No, asshole. 1393 00:51:37,302 --> 00:51:38,595 No. Fuck, no. 1394 00:51:38,637 --> 00:51:39,721 Get the fuck outta here. 1395 00:51:39,746 --> 00:51:40,914 What the fuck was that? 1396 00:51:40,939 --> 00:51:43,479 Hey! Fuck you! 1397 00:51:43,518 --> 00:51:45,560 Oh, if they happen to... Fuck you! 1398 00:51:45,602 --> 00:51:46,937 Fuck you. Fuck you. 1399 00:51:46,978 --> 00:51:49,523 Fuck off. You fucked with the wrong girl. 1400 00:51:49,564 --> 00:51:50,816 Time to go Gallagher. 1401 00:51:50,857 --> 00:51:52,126 Nobody fucks with the Gallaghers. 1402 00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:53,944 Game on, motherfucker! 1403 00:51:53,985 --> 00:51:55,320 You fuckers! 1404 00:51:55,345 --> 00:51:56,262 God damn it. 1405 00:51:56,287 --> 00:51:57,413 The fuck are you doing here? 1406 00:51:57,438 --> 00:51:58,981 What the fuck are you doing here? 1407 00:51:59,006 --> 00:52:00,233 Well, I thought we could celebrate together. 1408 00:52:00,258 --> 00:52:02,552 Or I could stab myself in the eye with a pencil. 1409 00:52:02,577 --> 00:52:04,037 - Oh, you got a mirror? - Oh, yeah. 1410 00:52:04,062 --> 00:52:05,122 Right here. Oh, wait. 1411 00:52:05,163 --> 00:52:05,872 It's a baseball bat. 1412 00:52:05,914 --> 00:52:07,290 Hey! 1413 00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:08,918 I'll kill you with my bare fuckin' hands. 1414 00:52:08,943 --> 00:52:10,293 They are goin' down. 1415 00:52:10,335 --> 00:52:11,503 Smoke bomb. Fuck! 1416 00:52:12,504 --> 00:52:14,027 Shit. 1417 00:52:14,543 --> 00:52:15,632 Did you go all Fiona on him? 1418 00:52:15,674 --> 00:52:17,050 That is not a thing. 1419 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:19,344 I am sick of gettin' fucked. 1420 00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:21,138 South Side! 1421 00:52:21,179 --> 00:52:22,365 I don't need you to stand up for me! 1422 00:52:22,389 --> 00:52:23,473 I can stand up for myself! 1423 00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:25,684 The Laundromat is closed! I have had a shitty day! 1424 00:52:25,725 --> 00:52:26,869 Rubbed his dick... 1425 00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:28,186 Shut up! Go cry to your... 1426 00:52:28,228 --> 00:52:29,437 Motherfucker. Huh? 1427 00:52:29,462 --> 00:52:31,285 - I don't need... - Fiona, come on! 1428 00:52:31,310 --> 00:52:32,834 - ... your money! - Little help, please? 1429 00:52:32,858 --> 00:52:34,168 Get out of here, Ford. Get her some water. 1430 00:52:34,192 --> 00:52:35,986 I don't need anything from you! Asshole! 1431 00:52:39,039 --> 00:52:41,291 Is this fun or what? 1432 00:52:57,100 --> 00:52:58,842 Ugh! Ow! Fuck. 1433 00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:14,024 What my family is has fuck-all to do with you. 1434 00:53:22,974 --> 00:53:24,475 Coming! 1435 00:53:40,217 --> 00:53:41,384 What are you waitin' for? 1436 00:53:49,226 --> 00:53:50,352 You were fuckin' right, 1437 00:53:50,393 --> 00:53:51,728 and we were fuckin' wrong, Fiona. 1438 00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:12,249 Guess what. 1439 00:54:12,290 --> 00:54:15,210 The cook rubbed his dick on all of your meals. 1440 00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:16,554 Yeah, enjoy. 1441 00:54:53,022 --> 00:54:58,022 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --