What would Harry do, take Tanvi's deal or take the risk?
You're smart, Alice. You don't need him.
Yeah, I do.
And I always will. And don't ever say that.
Hiya. Erm, can I stay, please?
It's all too much!
Come back, Harry,
or I'll throw myself down these fucking stairs!
She's jammed it.
Al, let us in!
We need to use the toilet!
I'm hopeless without you.
CREDITS
13 MISSING CALLS
Ah, here we go.
- Mum... - Hello.
- What's all this? We were worried. - Sorry.
I heard you were having a meltdown.
Which sounded fun.
Aw... families.
'Yes?'
Er, keep it clean, Tanvi, my family are listening.
I've decided Harry would have wanted me to keep his business going
and develop the land.
'No, he'd rather you secured your future
'and got on with your life.'
Well, I think his life's work is worth more than that.
And I think you'll make money from this deal,
lots of it, and it should be ours.
'OK.'
Yeah, well, I wanted you all to hear that,
as you all seem to be here. And, of course, I've realised...
- I need help. - You know nothing about developing.
Neither did Harry.
This is how people have nervous breakdowns.
- But fortune favours the brave. - Oh, thanks, Dad.
Though I agree, you have no idea what you're doing.
Look, Harry belonged to all of us.
Look, he was your son-in-law,
your brother-in-law, your brother.
- He was. - And your mad dad.
Harry didn't build to make money.
He built to make the world a better place.
And together, we can do this.
Dad, with your legal... Skills?
And, Gerry and Minnie aren't talking to me at the moment,
but when they do,
Gerry knows the building trade like the back of his hand.
And I'll be auntie/babysitter when you have Harry's kid.
Oh, he left some frozen jizz for Alice.
- Some what? - Oh...
Erm, OK.
Harry wanted another baby, and I didn't.
So he had the snip and froze, er...
..a deposit.
In case I changed my mind.
- You can't use it. - Yes, I can.
- It'd be insane to have a dead man's baby. - It's not a dead man.
It's Harry!
Look, I haven't decided, but... but I might do it.
And who knows? It might not even work.
- Who doesn't love a baby? - For God's sake, Roger!
Well... thank you all for understanding.
Well, I don't understand.
And why am I the only one daring to be honest?
You're all thinking it.
Well, thanks, most of you, for understanding.
- Sorry about the whole jizz thing. - Oh, it's a bit late now.
- And can we not call it that? - I just get carried away.
It's like Dad says, I could blurt for England.
You've gotta do it.
This is a life-saver. Me, staying here.
Anything I can do to thank you, Al, anything.
Hi, George. Er, can you talk?
Hey, yeah, I can.
Mum and Dad - Frank Dad - are at work.
I just wanted to remind you about tea
- with the new grandparents tomorrow. - Sure. Sure, cool.
Shall I bring, like, a cake? Or a bottle of Baileys?
I don't know, you're the grown-up.
Yeah, kind of.
No, I am.
- I am. - And it's happened.
Mum's planning to have Dad's baby.
Well, that's the inheritance down the toilet.
What inheritance?
I know. I know. So, what do you reckon?
Maybe it's OK.
But I'm a bit scared. Mum's already kind of frenzied.
It's what Dad wanted, so...
Exactly.
And, like, if Dad once wanted a nose job, we'd have to get one now.
Yeah! Except that would be... simpler.
Yeah.
Gosh... these building projects are so beautiful.
Why didn't I get involved before?
Because it nearly killed Gramps. And Dad.
And you hate mud. Yeah, but this could be me,
building something out of the ground.
She has a very warm heart.
And nowhere else to go.
She was always too full-on for Minnie and Gerry.
They had her really late and never got over the shock.
She's Storm Nicola, hitting a wobbly fishing village.
Bollocks!
Guys, how do you open the curtains?
Say, "Open, curtains!"
Close, curtains.
What?
So, you're going to do this...
- try to have Dad's baby? - Yeah.
And you know it doesn't mean I'll love you any less.
Your husband's missed a couple of payments.
Yeah, but we've moved house, and, you know,
I brought cash, very retro, to sort that out.
So, erm, we'd like to use the, er...
Well, I suppose you don't call it sperm, do you?
But we want to use it now.
And these eggs ain't getting any fresher!
Er, I'm afraid he has to come in and sign the paperwork himself.
- That's tricky. - Er, he's working away.
So, can you email him the form?
We used to be able to, but...
the system was abused, so no.
He's dead.
God... I am so sorry.
No, I...
No, it's hard to say, so I...
And people are always so kind, and they say,
"Oh, I'm so sorry," and they do the sad face, but...
Of course.
We do still need authorisation.
Well, obviously, he can't give it.
Unfortunately, he's the only named recipient.
We can't release the deposit to anyone else.
You can. To me.
Er, I mean, I was his...
Well... his lady.
That deposit has been lying there for ten years for me, doing nothing.
- What? - Nothing.
I'm so sorry.
I understand why Harry didn't give me permission, right?
As I've said, knowing Dad,
he would've signed what was put in front of him.
He didn't think it'd be an issue.
Ed could pretend to be Harry.
No, he's too young. And daft.
Anyway, I've told them Harry's dead.
Well, Ed's brilliant, actually.
He's like the captain of Team Me.
Aw...
- We could steal it. - How?
A sperm heist.
Mum, I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do.
You weren't sure before. It's not so bad.
I'll ask my dad. There must be a...
like, a legal way, a loophole.
Mum, please, you do have me.
Yes, and you are lovely, but...
Well, your dad must have felt the same.
Mm... Er, that came out wrong.
You know I didn't...
Look, I'm sorry, I'm just... trying to keep Harry's memory alive.
Let's go, Alice! Your future starts now.
- What? - We're going for a run!
- Why? - Harry won't have died in vain
if it makes me turn my life around.
Look great in that wedding dress. Nail Ed down.
Get Mum and Dad to take me seriously.
We've got to keep fit if we're having a baby.
Are you having a baby?
I hope so. One day.
So help me, God.
Well done.
Come for a run with me and Nicola.
- The future starts now, apparently. - No, I'm OK.
- What, Auntie Nicola runs? - Well, we'll find out.
I am so sorry about last night.
If it's any consolation, I feel all kinds of terrible.
Did you go running with Harry?
No. We kept fit by fucking a lot.
Well, you need a new activity, then, madam.
Right, let's switch to speed walking.
Slow down, Al...
- Let's sit down now. - Are you all right?
You've gone from red to green.
It's like walking next to a traffic light.
Yeah.
I just need...
Day one. We should have just strolled.
- Yeah. - And not got pissed last night.
'Caution, patient tail lift in operation.'
She collapsed. They're keeping her in for tests,
but they think it was just a panic attacked triggered by exertion.
'What were you doing, running?'
Well, she... WE wanted some exercise.
And that's a good thing, obviously.
'We've lost Harry.
'Are you trying to kill our daughter, as well?'
Look, I know you hate me for stopping you selling my home,
but don't take it out on Nicola.
I mean, you could even visit her.
'We'll see. Minnie's not feeling good, either.
'I can't be everywhere.'
OK.
If Minnie's feeling better, maybe we'll see you later.
A tea with your new grandson.
I'm just gonna pop downstairs.
Look, we need more houses.
How can a bit of contamination stop a development?
There must be millions in it, or she wouldn't want to buy the land.
Shazam! Seen right through her.
You know, it's... it's growing homes and gathering life.
It's the perfect antidote to my head full of death.
Are you used to it by now?
The idea of... being dead.
Hm... I'm getting used to it.
The dead often look surprised.
I like the ones who seem intrigued.
Just rolling with this new experience.
Harry looked like he was considering his options.
I'm surprised...
after your daughter, that you don't want another baby.
Well... there is some debate with my wife.
What's happening about your sperm thing?
Well, I want to use it, my mother thinks I'm insane,
and the fertility centre say I'm not authorised anyway.
There's a balance between honouring a loved one and looking forward.
I'm doing it for me, mainly.
But wouldn't it be too soon, even if you could use it?
Well, I'll probably never know, because the law is a frigging ass.
Do you fancy some fun?
The bereavement group's going out for the night.
Oooh, where are you all going? A minibus to The Museum Of Sadness?
Bowling.
Sorry.
I'm a bit on edge. Have fun.
I'm off to my lawyer. Ugh, good luck.
Thursday at 8pm.
Balls Of Fury. See you there.
It's very deep, suddenly, this... need to make something.
Work, baby, it's all the same.
I thought I was all about the moment.
But that's not enough now.
Sounds like it's started.
- What has? - You.
Discovering who you are, on your own.
Fertility law really isn't my area.
Well, surely, it's all the same.
Fair play, balance of reasonableness.
You weren't married. He didn't leave permission.
And he's deceased. It's pretty open and shut.
Oh, no! It's a runny one.
Oh! Oh, Dudley!
Just get out of the way, would you?
Oh... Ah, God!
Have you got any wet wipes?
No, they're bad. They make fatbergs.
Oh...
God. I'll see what I can do.
But don't tell your mother.
She's adamant that you're ruining your life.
I've got to get back.
Not yet.
What, you can't go back to your own home
because your wife is in bed...
Dad, what's the matter with you?
You know, Mum might respect you more
and not shag Keith if you stood up to her.
Don't lecture me.
Your partner died leaving secret after secret.
A son, a mystery stash of something apparently called "jizz",
endless money nonsense.
For all you know, he was, well, cheating on you, too.
At least she does it in an orderly fashion,
and the dog gets a good, long walk.
- Yes? - 'I've got all the gear.'
What gear?
This plot is amazing.
Right...
Well, er, let's just, erm...
Yeah, see how we get on.
Well, it looks clean enough on the surface.
I am gonna pay you for your work.
When I can.
- Honest. - I know.
It's got to happen. I mean, look at it.
It's great to be learning new skills.
I hope you're still saying that if we get seeping sewage.
Yeah.
I was gonna ask my dad to look into the planning appeals process,
but then we had a row.
- So maybe we should do it. - Your dad?
A row? Nice Roger?
It was good to see him show some fight, actually.
Mind you, I could do without any more surprises
from the men in my life.
- 'Stupid bloody thing!' - Point it at your face.
Where's Mum?
'In bed, having a breakdown.'
Sorry, Dad.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm OK.
It's nothing serious.
'Well, serious enough to be in hospital.
'I'm sure your tests will be negative.
'Hey, you are as strong as a bear.'
It should have been me.
Not Harry.
- 'What? No!' - I think that.
- So I know you must. - 'Nicola...
'Stop it!'
The only consolation from him dying...
was that I get more love and attention.
I'm sorry.
But now there's George.
And sperm baby, and I'm glad, but...
fuck!
Do you know how I know I'm the loser of the family?
'You are not the loser.'
How you always reacted
when Harry came into the room compared to me.
It's the difference between
when your food arrives in a restaurant and you love it,
or you think, "Yeah."
"That'll do."
"I can live with that."
"But I wish I'd had the fish."
I'm sorry if now I sound like a miserable twat,
because I work really hard to be fun.
'You are just a bit...
'..different.
'You'll be all right.
'We'll come and see you soon.'
Thanks again for the lift.
Best way to make sure you turn up, with your history of running off.
And you've made an effort.
Well, new grandparents deserve a posh shirt.
I thought they weren't talking to you.
Yeah. They love you, though. They'll just hiss at me.
- How is everything else? - Ah, you know, endless battles.
Do you want to list them? I may be able to help.
Well, you could start by signing your inheritance waiver.
My parents want more legal advice.
I will sign when they've calmed down.
Next battle.
Well, the council's burial squad, or whatever they are,
turned up to test Harry's grave and intimidate me.
- Did you record the conversation? - No.
- How would I do that? - On your phone.
I record anything contentious.
- Why? - I was caught out once.
Good cake.
Moist, you know?
So, it looks like my new grandparents aren't coming.
- No. - No...
I'm sure they just forgot.
So, we can't work out what you do for a job.
I'm sort of a fixer.
I'm good at finding targeted solutions.
Does that actually mean anything?
Well, jobs are harder to classify these days.
Exactly.
And I'm the first to admit that I'm a work in progress, but...
knowing Harry was my dad has made it all clearer.
And I know it sounds like...
I don't know, but... I can feel his blood in my veins.
I feel new.
Good speech.
Is it like that American high school thing,
- you're a cheerleader or something? - No, definitely not!
- Hi, Alice. - Oh, hey, Nicola.
- Are you healthy? - Feels like it, so I just left.
Anyway, it was job done.
I told Dad how I felt...
and how he was being an arse about you.
It was good.
Maybe everything's for a reason.
What was the reason Harry died?
Anyway, your mum and dad didn't turn up to meet grandson George,
our Mr Charming.
I'll go in and flirt with him in a minute.
I was thinking,
it's really shit of them to not let you use Harry's jizz.
Er, deposit.
Well... thank you.
I spoke to my dad. He said I could go to court,
but it might take years.
And, well, I'm not getting any younger.
No.
But they'd release it to the family...
if they needed it for something.
- Hey? - Like a DNA test.
Me, as Harry's sister,
needing to find out if George really is his son.
But we've done one, you know that. Well, not really.
- We haven't done one. - No, I have done...
I see what you mean!
'First new message.'
'Hi, it's Emily here.
'Erm, there is something I need to tell you about George.
'Could we meet up?'
Well, they said they'd consider the request, as it's Harry's family.
Well, that's good.
I was hoping they'd agree to Nicola there and then, but, yeah.
What you really need is specialised legal advice.
I can't afford it.
We're living off the five grand for the kitchen.
Is that all you got for it?
I thought it was handcrafted by elves in Finland.
It was. Graham owes us 15 more.
- What, Graham who was at the funeral? - Yes.
Oh, he's sweet. When he's not being needy.
I'm sorry we can't help you out.
That's another reason your mum's fed up.
I never earned enough.
Oh, you did all right.
And you have other qualities. You've kept trim.
Yeah, I have, haven't I?
But she married an ambitious law student
and ended up with a small-town solicitor.
Well, you married a model and ended up with a tetchy pensioner.
Right, that's enough legal guff.
- Roger, can I have a word with Alice? - Yeah.
OK.
I know you don't think so,
but I really only want what's best for you.
So, can I... Look at me.
- Concentrate. - I am!
Please, I beg of you...
do not attempt to have Harry's baby.
You're a young-ish woman, and it's hard and painful to imagine...
but you will fall in love with another man, have his baby.
Mum, me having Harry's baby won't put off another man from loving me.
Yeah, but he won't love you, because you'll be exhausted
from tending another man's child until you're 60.
Well, thank you. I will give that some serious thought.
- So long as you do the same for me. - What?
Dad is really unhappy with you.
We've been married forever.
- He must expect peaks and troughs. - He knows you're cheating on him.
He loves you. And you might not love him,
but shouldn't you try to make the marriage work?
- How was school? - Good.
A boy in Year Nine's dog got run over,
so I've lost my status as the special grieving child.
- Oh, happy about that? - Mixed feelings.
What have you been up to?
Oh, spending too much time with my parents.
It's a funny old business, being old.
But it's sad when you don't get to be it.
I'm sorry I'm so up and down.
Mum begged me not to have your dad's baby.
Maybe she's right. They probably won't let me, anyway.
- Hiya! Food? - Oh, fantastic.
Your curry awaits.
Not bad for two rings and a toaster, hey?
Thanks, Auntie Nicola.
- That curried... - Cheese.
Right. Homework.
Oh, Alice...
What the fuck? Er, soil samples.
- From our plot. - Oh, that's a relief.
Hey, erm, I'm between jobs,
and I thought I could help you with Harry's business.
That's really kind...
I've temped, so I'm good at paperwork...
piling, filing, sorting, shredding, laminating.
I'm... better at things than people.
Harry always encouraged me to make more friends, but...
Yeah.
"Bereavement group night out."
"Death and bowling."
It's a sign, Al.
New mates. And I'm bereaved, too, so...
Come on!
Are you sure you don't want to come?
I literally could not be more sure. But you both look amazing.
Well, Nicola is very persuasive.
And she hid my jeans.
The night-time is the right time. I kid you not.
- I love bowling. - It's busy.
Oh, there they are.
Oh, God, they've dressed for camping.
Oh, shit...
Hi.
- Evening! - Hey!
Er, this is Nicola, Harry's sister.
Wow. Have you got any more like that back at home?
Well, you could try talking to this one.
It's nice when folk make an effort.
Sorry we've gone a bit major.
Alice wanted to make a good impression.
Alice, this is my wife, Sally.
- Hi. - Hi.
You're the one who buried her partner in the garden.
Yep. That'll be me. Didn't want to let Harry out of my sight.
Is if fair to say that he left you with a few interesting dilemmas?
Yeah. That is fair to say.
My wife hated bowling.
She always blamed the shoes for her verrucas.
How's your throwing arm, Alice?
I actually love bowling.
I had no idea it was so complicated.
If only she took as much care over her life choices.
Or is that mean?
A strike!
Come on, Alice.
Ready?
Yes!
Well, I said I love bowling, not I'm any good at it!
Your go! Come on!
Move like that. Take it to the back.
Go! On you go!
Yes!
- You seem to be enjoying yourself. - I am.
I've been a bit short on fun lately.
Is it not your thing?
No, I... hate to make a fool of myself.
We need three to win.
- Stay away from my husband. - What?
You heard.
Are you all right?
- Not really. - You can tell me, if it helps.
Yo, bereaved... one house rule.
Eat, drink and be merry,
for tomorrow, we die.
That's if you go for the shellfish. The pasta should be OK.
Without death, living would be unbearable.
And with it, life can be unbearable, too, as we all know.
But I hope that us gathering to talk about it...
makes it a little bit easier.
To our missing loved ones... and to us.
Missing loved ones, and to us.
Hello.
How is my gorgeous kitchen?
Oh...
I thought you were gonna say, "How is my gorgeous Graham?"
- Nope. - No.
I've, erm...
I've had a few, so I'm gonna be blunt.
I... really need it.
Soon.
The, er... The 15 grand.
- Sorry. - No.
Sure.
How about some of it...
comes as financial management and advice?
I am an awesome accountant.
Well, I can't spend financial advice.
You can't do without it.
You're up shit creek. Let me be your paddle.
Your big, hunky money paddle!
We're off.
Well, thank you so much for inviting me.
I... Enormously nice to...
to meet...
Erm...
Would you like us to drop you home or call you a taxi?
No. no, no. No, I'm fine.
- I really think you should go home. - Oh, I will.
But not in your vehicle.
Sally... wouldn't like it.
Oh!
Oh, God, it's freezing!
Oh, thank you. That's better.
Where's our, er, bowling queen?
Oh, no...
Come on, you! Home time.
Night, Gray-Gray!
Yay! Back on the bike!
- Good girl. - Please, don't speak.
Nathan's still your future squeeze, though, isn't he?
Oh!
OK...
I'm... I'm gonna go and be sick.
Night.
Oh, Christ, Harry...
Oh, God, I miss you so much.
Hi.
Hey, darling!
Auntie Nicola's vomiting very noisily.
Oh, she's very good at bowling, though.
How was it?
It was... It was bad.
And then OK. And then bad.
You're drunk again.
I am.
But it's a social event. I mean, you have to.
You see why having a baby now might not be fair on yourself? Or me?
- Morning. - Hello.
Well... it's official.
For the purpose of DNA testing,
they've agreed to release Harry's sperm to us.
Just making a start. I was born to file.
Thanks.
And thanks for being with me last night.
- It was fun. - Yeah.
- Too much alcohol. - No shit!
So, Harry's sperm's coming home.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, it is good.
No, it'll arrive in a special frozen canister, apparently.
And don't tell Mum.
All right, well, scrape her off the ceiling
and slip her another diazepam.
Dad, I've got to go.
OK, bye.
Shall we make this quick? I've got frozen sperm to collect.
OK.
Well, erm, I just wanted to say...
as George is in your lives now,
that, well, he hasn't been easy.
Even with your know-how as a therapist and general control freak?
Well, I love him, but he is in huge debt.
He invested money he didn't have.
That's why he's at home, we had to bail him out.
Now we're in debt, too.
Hence you wanting to hold on to any inheritance from Harry.
No, that's always been up to him.
- You know, we never said that. - How dodgy is George?
I mean, he said he records conversations
to be on the safe side.
That's not sane, is it?
I don't know, but it's very him.
He seems to live in a parallel universe
that's slightly different to ours, made inside his own head.
Look, I know I fought it, but George meeting you
and his whole other family...
may help straighten him out.
Well, I...
I adored Harry, but...
he had his moments.
And his secrets, obviously.
To be honest, I can hardly remember him.
Could you...
Do say no, but could you email me a photo of Harry?
Hello, William.
I took the house you're living in off the market
because you promised me the sale of your Vale Apartments development.
Sorry. I've had other things on my mind.
Like the gift of life itself.
'I did tell you you weren't the only estate agent.'
Well, yes, but before I've even listed the property,
I find Heptons have already sold most of them.
- Oh, well. - "Oh, well"?
So, I'm...
'Well, I'm putting your in-laws' house back on the market.'
You know, I thought you were better than that.
I'm being buzzed. Sorry. Bye.
- Hey, Yasmina. - 'Hi.
'So, my soil nerd says it's good and clean.
'As far as he can tell, without sinking great boreholes.'
I don't deserve you.
Now, email me his findings and hit me with jargon.
'I'm on it.'
Hi, can I help?
Me again.
Permission to build on this plot was granted and then withdrawn.
I'm guessing by one of your planning officers
who was bribed to sabotage my husband's development.
I think I know who made the bribe,
so I'm gonna leave this evidence here with you
and expect the planning permission will be reinstated tomorrow.
Right, Harry...
A photo for your old girlfriend.
George's mummy.
Nicola? Nicola!
Where are you?
I can hear you breathing. Open the door!
- What have you done with Harry's photos? - Nothing.
- And the videos are all gone. - I didn't touch the computer.
- You did, Nicola, I saw you. - I was helping.
Well, it's not help if it doesn't help, is it?
- Why do you always muck things up? - Mum!
I cannot lose those memories, because they are all I've got.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Oh, God!
Here it is. Apparently, it has to go straight in the freezer.
What's happened, Mum?
Nicola has deleted all our family photos.
- You didn't back them up? - Nobody actually does that.
Well, they do.
I did say Nicola wasn't the easiest person to live with.
So, you actively helped your daughter perpetuate this pipe dream
made out of the sperm of a dead builder,
who we never actually liked much?
Yes, I did. She wanted a letter from a solicitor,
and I did what any good parent would do.
I helped my child.
- We agreed that you shouldn't. - No.
You agreed and, as usual, you wanted me running along behind you
like your bloody Alsatian.
Alsatian, you wish!
God, Alice is right.
You treat me better and stop fucking Keith,
otherwise we're getting a divorce.
And I'll show you what a good solicitor I am, in fact,
by making sure that I stay in this house
and you end up in a shitty flat in Reading!
- Why didn't we print everything out? - You can't print a video, Mum.
We used to go to Boots and pick up the prints.
It was so exciting.
Everything was better then.
Oh...
Your father has presented me with an ultimatum.
- Was it your idea? - No.
But I told him to stand up for himself.
- I do love him. - Funny way of showing it!
Perhaps you'd rather I'd had my affair at a more traditional age.
20 years ago, like your father.
I don't want a divorce, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.
Oh, Mum, don't.
Look, I can't stand the idea of anything else falling apart.
I just want you to like each other more.
Whatever we do, we're at the thin end of the wedge,
queuing up for new knees.
You're not. You're beautiful.
And alive.
Having Charlotte nearly killed you.
Well, I'm made of stronger stuff now.
That's what a death does to you.
Well, you'll have to throw this away.
Well, I'm not going to, obviously. Put it back, please.
No, no, Mum! What are you doing?
God!
Help me!
Help me find Daddy's sperm! It mustn't defrost!
- How many are there? - Oh, I don't know.
God, what does it look like?
- Here, here, here! - There! There!
Get the thing.
Oh, God...
- Get out! - Please, I'm so sorry.
Get out of my life!
Get out!
You don't have to take it everywhere with you.
Oh, I know. I just like it here.
Harry's last will and testament.
I'll put it back in the freezer in a minute.
I texted George.
He said he knows about data
and he'll dig the photos out of the deep memory or whatever.
Well, don't get your hopes up.
He's as much of a fantasist a Nicola.
But more dangerous, because he tells you what you want to hear.
- So, you think he's a gold-digger? - Sadly, yeah.
But I'd love to be wrong. I mean, he's still your brother.
We just have to handle him.
You know you said he records stuff?
I was looking at the CCTV of when Dad fell and...
George has his phone in his hand.
So?
So he probably recorded his conversation with Dad.
Dad's last words.
I can't help thinking it would explain a lot.
CREDITS