1
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_

2
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_

3
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First you wanna be an actor,

4
00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:56,290
then you wanna be Barry Manilow
and you know what they say about him.

5
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:58,810
Who ends up paying for it all?
Muggins here.

6
00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,090
It's like Richie said, we're only
doing it to get an Equity Card.

7
00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:02,170
That's how it works,

8
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:04,610
if you can prove enough work with
an Equity contract, you get a card.

9
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:06,930
Now, I don't understand
why it's so hard to join.

10
00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:09,450
Thank God for Maggie,
she made a pledge,

11
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:11,810
she's gonna stop all this union stuff.

12
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I know, good for her,
just wish she'd hurry up.

13
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What's it all for?

14
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So you can end up in Birmingham Rep
saying, "Anyone for tennis?"

15
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- Alright, you've made your point.
- What, so I can't even speak now?

16
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,530
Is that it?
Shall I just shut up?

17
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,530
What do they say
about Barry Manilow?

18
00:01:24,610 --> 00:01:29,170
Your father says he's queer, which
is ridiculous. The ladies love him.

19
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I've gotta get this signed, or it
doesn't count. Might take a while, yeah.

20
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Actually, if I do end up
in Birmingham Rep, I'll be happy,

21
00:01:38,650 --> 00:01:41,890
because I'll be working
and that's all I want. Okay?

22
00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:46,090
That's me told.

23
00:01:46,170 --> 00:01:48,170
It's a shame
you can't stay for Christmas, Jill,

24
00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:50,210
you can't go back to London,
not after the bomb.

25
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No, I'll go straight home,
my mum does a great Christmas.

26
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Alright. All the same,
you're very welcome to stay.

27
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You two, you spend
so much time together.

28
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:02,610
I think Ritchie's gonna miss you.

29
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:06,530
We're not a couple though.
I've told you, we're really not.

30
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,570
I saw you. Singing a love song.

31
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I know it's acting,
and I'm hardly an expert,

32
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but, from the little I can gather,
good acting is when it's true, isn't it?

33
00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:28,570
Slow down.

34
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I haven't got long,
my dad's up there in the car.

35
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We can meet tomorrow,
there's a party on the beach.

36
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I can't, I've gotta get back.

37
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:35,890
- Back where?
- London.

38
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I thought you lived up the hill?

39
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I do. I did, that's my family.
I live in London.

40
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I'd better get back.

41
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- Come on, let's finish off.
- No, I'm fine, I better go.

42
00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:53,050
- What happened, what did I do?
- Nothing. Just...

43
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- What?
- London.

44
00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:59,290
So? Oh, my God, don't be so stupid,

45
00:02:59,370 --> 00:03:03,330
it's Americans you don't sleep with,
not Londoners, Americans.

46
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,890
There's nothing wrong
with boys from London!

47
00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:10,610
CREDITS

48
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,410
_

49
00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:31,770
You look really nice.

50
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:39,250
- You look lovely.
- Gregory's outside, he's waiting.

51
00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:41,570
- See you later.
- Roscoe, don't get in trouble.

52
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,050
Me?

53
00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:49,410
Look at you, Rosalind, very nice.

54
00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:53,930
I've decided, in honour of the big day,
I'm not gonna charge you petrol.

55
00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:55,690
Thank you very much.

56
00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:03,850
- How far is she gone now?
- Five months.

57
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:05,370
Naughty boy.

58
00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:11,290
- What's he like, is he handsome?
- Don't know.

59
00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:18,930
See you then. Bye.

60
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Bedroom's free.

61
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,690
- Who was he?
- Dunno.

62
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:32,850
- Don't you even know his name?
- Have you ever had sex?

63
00:05:33,210 --> 00:05:34,890
- Yeah.
- When?

64
00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:40,930
Colin?

65
00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:52,850
- Question, have you got a passport?
- No, sorry.

66
00:05:52,930 --> 00:05:57,890
It takes three to four months, so you've
got time if you apply straight away.

67
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:03,090
We've booked three days from Sunday,
the 8th of July.

68
00:06:03,490 --> 00:06:08,050
- What for?
- New York. You're going to New York.

69
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,570
But why?

70
00:06:11,650 --> 00:06:15,490
The Honourable Clement Bridger
is a long-standing customer

71
00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:18,330
and he's removed himself to New York

72
00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:21,690
and he needs fittings
for a number of winter suits,

73
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which requires Mr. Hart.

74
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And his assistant.

75
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:33,130
- But New York. Is it expensive?
- No, we pay.

76
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:38,250
Colin, you are funny.
It's all on expenses.

77
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:43,170
Hard work though.
Don't go thinking it's a little jolly.

78
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,490
You're there to do
exactly what Mr. Hart says.

79
00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:55,650
I'd give anything to go to New York.

80
00:06:55,730 --> 00:06:57,650
You're such a bloody misery,
what is the problem?

81
00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:59,210
It's the boss, he's a bit creepy.

82
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:01,570
For God sake, Gladys Pugh,
I'd suck him off to get to New York.

83
00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:03,250
You'd suck him off
to get to Ealing Broadway.

84
00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:05,250
I would, sexual Ealing.

85
00:07:05,330 --> 00:07:06,930
Just be careful though,
you know what they say,

86
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,810
don't sleep with anyone out there.

87
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:12,050
- Yeah, 'cause Gladys never stops.
- Sex machine.

88
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,530
The virgin from the valleys.

89
00:07:13,610 --> 00:07:17,770
Only you would go to the one place in
the world where you can't have sex.

90
00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:31,250
- Can I leave these with you?
- Oh, for God Sake, don't be so stupid.

91
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,130
Grizzle, he's doing it again,
we're being victimized.

92
00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,370
You should read this stuff.

93
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:37,970
For the last time, get out and take
these sodding things with ya.

94
00:07:38,050 --> 00:07:39,970
I just wanna leave 'em on the bar,
I'm not causing trouble.

95
00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:41,810
You wouldn't say that shit
about straight people.

96
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,050
Roscoe, get him out.

97
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,890
Come on, we're trying to earn a living,
this stuff's gonna drive people away.

98
00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:48,690
It's all true, every word of it.

99
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:51,610
Listen, my father preaches Armageddon
every Sunday afternoon,

100
00:07:51,690 --> 00:07:54,850
and every Monday morning
I wake up, still alive. Go.

101
00:07:54,930 --> 00:07:57,850
Do you see? It's not fair,
every time we go out, it's this shit,

102
00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,450
the whole thing is a pack of lies.

103
00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,730
No, but that man, Pete, he said
he met this man, who said he was...

104
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:04,690
He said, she said, they said,
they're always saying something.

105
00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:07,450
But do you wanna know the truth?
Do you know what it really is? AIDS?

106
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,090
It's a racket, it's a money making
scheme for drugs companies.

107
00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:12,970
Do you seriously think there's
an illness that only kills gay men?

108
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:16,530
It can calculate that you're gay
and kill you, but no one else?

109
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:19,010
What about bisexuals, do they only
get sick every other day?

110
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:22,130
And they say it's a cancer,
but you can't catch cancer.

111
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:24,330
Cancer is not a thing
that can get caught.

112
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It's not like a cold or a cough,
it's cancer. It doesn't transmit.

113
00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:32,810
'Cause imagine it, gay cancer, how is
a cancer gay? What does it look like?

114
00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:36,450
Is it pink? Where is it?
Is it in the wrists? For God sake.

115
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,730
You get all these stories and all these
rumours and all these nightmares,

116
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,650
because that's what they
want you to think, that lot.

117
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:46,050
They wanna scare us and stop us having
sex and make us really boring,

118
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basically because they can't get laid.
That's the truth.

119
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:52,850
'Cause according to them,
how does it work, this AIDS thing?

120
00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:55,850
Okay, they say it's
spread by poppers.

121
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:58,890
They say it arrived from outer space
on a comet.

122
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:02,050
And they say that God created it
to strike us dead.

123
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:05,690
They say it was created in a laboratory
to kill us.

124
00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:10,690
They say it's the Russians.
They say we got it from the jungle.

125
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,290
They say it's caused by friction!

126
00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:16,130
They say it's in the spunk.

127
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:18,810
They say Freddie Laker spread it,
when he introduced cheap flights.

128
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:22,770
They say there's one patient zero
spreading it wherever he goes.

129
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:27,170
They say it affects homosexuals,
Haitians and haemophiliacs,

130
00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,970
like there's a disease which has
targeted the letter H.

131
00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:32,530
Who's it gonna get next?
People from Hartlepool

132
00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:34,450
and Hampshire and Hull?

133
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:37,890
Don't you see what all of these things
have got in common?

134
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:39,930
They're not true!

135
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:43,570
And how do I know?

136
00:09:44,290 --> 00:09:46,410
How do I know it's not true?

137
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:51,810
Because I'm not stupid.
Which means...

138
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,450
I don't believe it.

139
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:01,530
I don't believe it.

140
00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:12,650
I don't believe a word of it.
Now hit me with those lasers please.

141
00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:33,410
- Ding, ding, all aboard.
- Hi, Gloria, nice uniform.

142
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:36,890
The joys of nylon, one spark
and I'll go up like a Buddhist monk.

143
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,170
So, are you gonna be there?
Ritchie's big day?

144
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:43,130
Ritchie Tozer's 21st.
There'll be such a queue, legal at last.

145
00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:46,010
Excuse me, can we move on now,
please?

146
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:50,170
Keep your hair on, Shirley Williams.
Hold tight, girls!

147
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,930
- See you Saturday, Bill.
- See you, Glo!

148
00:10:59,170 --> 00:11:02,250
I tell you what,
I haven't seen Gloria, is he here?

149
00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,970
- No, I don't think so.
- He said he was coming.

150
00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:08,730
Maybe he's working late, he might have
a shift on the night bus.

151
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:13,490
- Did you see Gloria last night?
- No, I haven't seen him for ages.

152
00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:15,770
Not like her to miss a party.

153
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,970
He always disappears,
he'll have found some bloke,

154
00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:21,930
then he'll come crawling back,
same old story.

155
00:11:41,530 --> 00:11:43,410
I'm looking for Jill Baxter.

156
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,970
Jill Baxter?

157
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:53,930
It's your brother, he called the office,
said it was an emergency,

158
00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:56,770
that's his number.
It sounded quite urgent.

159
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,610
He said it was
about someone called Gloria.

160
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:01,730
Okay. Thanks, I'll phone him.

161
00:12:05,530 --> 00:12:07,410
Hello, it's Jill, who's this?

162
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:10,810
That took you long enough, I wish
to God that you lot would get a phone.

163
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:13,370
I'm missing my class,
what's all this stuff about a brother?

164
00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:17,250
I haven't been very well.
I just need someone to go shopping.

165
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:21,010
- Why? What's wrong with you?
- Can you just say yes or no?

166
00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:23,370
Of course I will, I'll come round
tonight. I'll bring the boys.

167
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:26,730
No, don't tell anyone, okay,
don't tell that lot, I mean it.

168
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,290
I swear to God,
don't tell anyone.

169
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:30,370
Why not?

170
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:34,370
I don't want anyone to know.
That's why I phoned you. Please.

171
00:12:37,770 --> 00:12:41,690
Gloria? Come on. Are you there?

172
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,410
Just keep your distance.

173
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,570
Close the door.

174
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:07,410
I'm not infectious, I'm absolutely not,
you're perfectly safe.

175
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:11,570
But I need milk and bread
and food and stuff.

176
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,050
I've wrote a list,
it's there with my card.

177
00:13:14,130 --> 00:13:17,290
If you could just go shopping
and bring it back for me.

178
00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:21,650
Okay, but I'm not doing anything
until you tell me what's wrong.

179
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:26,690
They said it was tuberculosis.

180
00:13:26,770 --> 00:13:28,770
Oh, my God, that's infectious,
you let me walk inside?

181
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:33,090
No, but it stopped, I'm getting better.
I had this cough and it stopped.

182
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:37,130
Look at me, am I coughing? No.
I'm a lot better than I was.

183
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:41,170
- So, what did the doctor say?
- They took me into hospital.

184
00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:44,690
And they gave me this questionnaire

185
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:50,650
and I was like, "What's this for?"
They said, "It's for people like you."

186
00:13:52,850 --> 00:13:55,690
And it asked about, you know,
medical history and place of birth,

187
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,930
and it said sexual preference

188
00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:03,650
and then it said there was
a question that said...

189
00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:09,810
have you ever had sex with animals?

190
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,970
- What?
- Have you ever had sex with animals?

191
00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:15,050
I don't understand.

192
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:17,730
It said in the questionnaire,
'Have you ever had sex with animals?'

193
00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,210
But why?

194
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:21,770
They don't think
that it's tuberculosis.

195
00:14:22,610 --> 00:14:24,130
Then, what is it?

196
00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:32,090
What do you think it is?

197
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:50,490
But I'm getting better, and you
don't get better from AIDS do you?

198
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,450
I don't know.

199
00:14:52,530 --> 00:14:55,170
You don't, you die.
And I'm getting better.

200
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:59,050
They say that AIDS is a cancer
and I haven't got cancer.

201
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:03,290
But the I and the D
stand for immune deficiency,

202
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,370
and that could be tuberculosis,
is that right?

203
00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:09,970
But, caused by cancer, the deficiency
happens when you get cancer, doesn't it?

204
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:11,770
- Does it?
- I don't know.

205
00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:16,850
I don't think anyone knows.
And what's it got to do with animals?

206
00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:20,010
I don't know.
Someone told me this story.

207
00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:25,210
There was a production of Seven Brides
for Seven Brothers in Chicago.

208
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:27,770
And all seven brothers are dead.

209
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:30,090
Is that true?

210
00:15:30,170 --> 00:15:33,330
I just like the idea of seven brothers
fucking each other.

211
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:37,010
The point is, they let you go home.
So you can't be that bad.

212
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,690
I discharged myself.

213
00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:44,690
But they didn't try to stop me,
so how infectious is that?

214
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:47,730
All I need to do is keep getting better.

215
00:15:48,210 --> 00:15:51,370
They gave me the drugs and I've got
a letter saying it's tuberculosis,

216
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,250
so that means I can have
four weeks off work.

217
00:15:53,330 --> 00:15:57,170
If I can use those four weeks
to get better and shake it off,

218
00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:58,690
then I'll be fine.

219
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,730
If you help me.

220
00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:06,530
- What do you want me to do?
- Just this. Just shop and things.

221
00:16:07,010 --> 00:16:09,170
You can pop into work
and get my sick pay.

222
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:10,330
You can leave things on the table,

223
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:13,530
you don't have to come
anywhere near me, just in case.

224
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:17,250
But... please don't tell anyone.

225
00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:18,930
We could all help though.

226
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,010
I'll get sacked if word gets out,

227
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:23,570
they sack people for being gay,
never mind AIDS.

228
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,650
- Let me tell Roscoe, he's your mate.
- Roscoe talks.

229
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,850
He talks and talks and talks

230
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:32,010
and I don't want anyone to know,
because I'm not...

231
00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:37,650
Not what?

232
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:51,530
A slut.

233
00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:00,930
Okay.

234
00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:41,370
Back, back back!

235
00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:56,970
- Where have you been?
- Big surprise.

236
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:58,610
We were heading back from
Pamela Tanner's and guess...

237
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:00,530
She's having a party next Saturday,
so we can all come.

238
00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:04,410
And guess who we bumped into,
long time no see?

239
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:09,930
- Oh, my God. Hello.
- Hiya, Bill.

240
00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:13,730
He's been ill. That's why we haven't
seen him. He's been sick as a dog.

241
00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:15,130
We caught him in the street,
we said,

242
00:19:15,210 --> 00:19:17,010
"Come back and have a laugh.
That's what you need."

243
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,970
My first time out. I just needed
sunlight, found myself walking.

244
00:19:21,050 --> 00:19:23,250
And I feel good, I do, I really do.

245
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,130
Which means we've got Gloria Monday
literally in sick transit.

246
00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:28,490
A joke which none of you
are gonna get.

247
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:29,810
So, what was wrong with you?

248
00:19:29,890 --> 00:19:32,970
I had a cold, which got worse.
But I'm better now.

249
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,770
The man on the phone said,

250
00:19:37,850 --> 00:19:40,130
"We don't give out Equity Cards
to someone who sings in a pub."

251
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:42,290
And I said,
"I'm far more than that."

252
00:19:42,370 --> 00:19:46,050
My voice went all grand, I said, "I love
it." I said, "I'm born for this."

253
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:47,690
But he said, "I'm gonna have
to check these contracts,

254
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,370
"'cause what happens is, venues get
sent a booklet of Equity contracts,

255
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:53,610
"but if you're mates with the boss,
you can get a few signed on the sly."

256
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,570
So I said, "Are you accusing me
of cheating?"

257
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,850
And then he started blustering, but
that's what he meant, calling me a liar.

258
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:02,290
I'm a bit knackered, to be honest.
I'll get a taxi on the main road.

259
00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:04,650
Money bags, look after yourself.

260
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:06,490
I'm feeling a lot better now,
I really am.

261
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:09,130
Glad to hear it. See you soon.
I'll come round one day, yeah?

262
00:20:09,210 --> 00:20:11,450
Yeah, that'd be nice. Bye then.

263
00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:18,330
Thing is, his dad's the money bags.
He's in the tax office,

264
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:21,250
apparently they've got a really nice
house in a posh bit of Glasgow.

265
00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,490
- So, what happened?
- What do you think?

266
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:26,370
Gloria ends up in a council flat,
'cause he's a friend of Dorothy.

267
00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:28,010
Bunch of bastards.

268
00:21:49,610 --> 00:21:53,290
How's it been? Any sickness or
headaches? Have you put on weight?

269
00:21:53,370 --> 00:21:54,730
No, I've been fine.

270
00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:58,330
It's not like I need the pill,
to be honest, but you never know.

271
00:21:58,410 --> 00:21:59,610
I live in hope.

272
00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:06,890
I wanted to ask, have you got any...
I just thought I'd ask while I'm here,

273
00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:11,330
I was wondering if you had any
information about AIDS?

274
00:22:12,170 --> 00:22:13,970
What would you want that for?

275
00:22:14,170 --> 00:22:17,530
I just wanna know.
You know, any official facts.

276
00:22:17,610 --> 00:22:18,810
It doesn't affect you.

277
00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:21,850
- I know.
- Literally, it doesn't affect you.

278
00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:24,570
I know, but for friends of mine,

279
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:27,610
I just wanna help,
have you got anything, any booklet?

280
00:22:27,690 --> 00:22:30,650
Why would I?
I don't understand what you mean.

281
00:22:30,730 --> 00:22:34,970
Why on earth would I have anything
to do with that? Are we done?

282
00:22:37,450 --> 00:22:39,210
- Yes.
- Good.

283
00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:42,970
We're only going for three days,

284
00:22:43,050 --> 00:22:46,010
but Mr. Hart says I need
a different suit for every day.

285
00:22:46,090 --> 00:22:49,410
He says, "It may be the New World,
but we still have standards."

286
00:22:49,490 --> 00:22:51,610
He actually calls it
the New World.

287
00:22:51,690 --> 00:22:53,410
Yeah, I was wondering, I got this list,

288
00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:55,170
there's all these gay bookshops
and things in New York,

289
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:56,970
I thought, if you could
pop in and take a look.

290
00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:58,530
I'm going there to work,
I'm not shopping.

291
00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:02,130
I just need some help.
I'm trying to find stuff about AIDS.

292
00:23:02,770 --> 00:23:03,770
What for?

293
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:07,530
Because there are boys dying,
all over the world, from sex,

294
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,970
and I wanna know why, but no one
knows, Colin, no one really knows,

295
00:23:11,050 --> 00:23:12,610
no one knows anything.

296
00:23:13,010 --> 00:23:15,050
And there's nothing in the library,
there's nothing on TV,

297
00:23:15,130 --> 00:23:18,930
there's nothing in this entire country,
there's no information anywhere.

298
00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:22,970
We've got this great big killer disease
and it's happening in silence.

299
00:23:23,050 --> 00:23:25,810
But it's bigger in America,
it's more advanced,

300
00:23:25,890 --> 00:23:28,890
so here's 20 quid,
go to those bookshops

301
00:23:28,970 --> 00:23:31,570
and anything you can find,
buy it for me?

302
00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:33,490
Okay?

303
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:38,290
Don't, it's breaking my heart.
Our little girl's flying the nest.

304
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:40,570
- Send us a postcard.
- I'll be back by Wednesday.

305
00:23:40,650 --> 00:23:44,210
Remember now, don't touch the boys,
no yanking the Yanks.

306
00:24:19,290 --> 00:24:25,250
1949. I was a lad, brought here
by Sir Nicholas St. Laine.

307
00:24:25,770 --> 00:24:27,370
He needed a new suit

308
00:24:27,810 --> 00:24:31,610
because he had a special game
of poker planned for the Friday night.

309
00:24:31,690 --> 00:24:34,250
A new suit for a game of cards.

310
00:24:35,050 --> 00:24:38,730
And we made it with Brooks Brothers
in five days flat.

311
00:24:39,330 --> 00:24:43,210
And let me tell you, we stayed
in a better class of hotel back then.

312
00:24:43,970 --> 00:24:46,210
Room 218, that's you.

313
00:24:46,970 --> 00:24:49,330
209, right opposite.

314
00:24:50,970 --> 00:24:53,290
I'll leave you
to your own devices tonight.

315
00:24:53,370 --> 00:24:56,570
I'll be dining with the Bridges.
But don't wander.

316
00:24:56,890 --> 00:25:01,770
Busy day tomorrow.
Breakfast at seven sharp. Muldoon's.

317
00:25:01,850 --> 00:25:03,330
Thank you, sir.

318
00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:29,010
- Too late, here she is.
- Oh, my God, I was tidying.

319
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:32,410
This is her, look.

320
00:25:35,130 --> 00:25:37,970
Stellar,
say hello to your uncle Roscoe.

321
00:25:38,570 --> 00:25:43,410
That's amazing That is not true,
she's not yours, you stole her.

322
00:25:43,570 --> 00:25:46,170
- Do you want a cup of tea?
- I'd love one, thanks, no sugar.

323
00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:48,970
- I'm supposed to be losing weight.
- Okay, give us a minute.

324
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:51,930
- Here, take her.
- Yeah?

325
00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:54,250
Yeah. There you go.

326
00:25:55,090 --> 00:25:57,290
- Careful, hold her head.
- Yeah.

327
00:25:59,290 --> 00:26:00,930
- There we are.
- There, that's it.

328
00:26:05,490 --> 00:26:09,530
I don't believe it. You can't have
a baby, you're just a kid yourself.

329
00:26:09,850 --> 00:26:13,930
Ruben's at the football, I've got ages.
He won't even know I'm gone.

330
00:26:14,850 --> 00:26:16,890
It's our little secret, Stellar.

331
00:26:17,690 --> 00:26:20,890
Has anyone said,
Stella doesn't have an R on the end.

332
00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:22,650
Stella with an R on the end is a word.

333
00:26:22,730 --> 00:26:24,050
But the name Stella
doesn't have an R,

334
00:26:24,130 --> 00:26:26,770
it's just Stella with an A, it ends
in an A, that's how you spell it.

335
00:26:26,850 --> 00:26:29,410
- Not if you spell it with an R.
- But it doesn't have an R.

336
00:26:29,490 --> 00:26:32,370
- I like Stellar with an R.
- Don't say I didn't say.

337
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,930
She's my baby, and if I want Stellar
with an R, then that's that.

338
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,410
- Alright, I've said it, I'm done.
- Can't you just be happy for me?

339
00:26:37,490 --> 00:26:38,810
Shut up.

340
00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:41,290
How's Mum? How's things?

341
00:26:41,370 --> 00:26:48,090
Yeah, she's alright, she's got Aunty Bea
and Aunty Bomasola moving in.

342
00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:53,650
They're gonna live in your room
and my room, so she's not on her own.

343
00:26:53,730 --> 00:26:56,170
What do you mean?
Where's dad?

344
00:26:57,250 --> 00:27:01,370
He's going back to Lagos and then
he's travelling up north to Sokoto.

345
00:27:01,450 --> 00:27:07,450
What for? It's the fucking Dark Ages
out there. Sorry, Stellar, but it is.

346
00:27:07,570 --> 00:27:11,130
He needs a cause,
he needs comfort, he needs help.

347
00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:15,930
- Why, what's wrong with him?
- Us. It's because of us.

348
00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:20,730
We broke his heart, Roscoe.
I got pregnant, you got bent.

349
00:27:21,410 --> 00:27:23,730
And he walks around all day
in despair.

350
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:28,890
So, it's our fault?
Yeah, well, good riddance.

351
00:28:41,570 --> 00:28:43,090
Oh, Colin!

352
00:28:47,770 --> 00:28:52,690
The wine was a gift.
And rather expensive.

353
00:28:53,250 --> 00:28:55,690
But I don't want to carry it home
in my suitcase,

354
00:28:55,770 --> 00:28:59,170
so it would be rude not to share.

355
00:29:06,730 --> 00:29:08,890
- Did you have a nice night?
- Yeah.

356
00:29:09,370 --> 00:29:11,450
- Did you eat?
- Yeah.

357
00:29:11,530 --> 00:29:15,490
Good. Build yourself up,
there could be a little bit more of you.

358
00:29:18,970 --> 00:29:20,930
- Will you join me?
- I'm alright.

359
00:29:21,010 --> 00:29:23,570
- I insist.
- I shouldn't though.

360
00:29:23,850 --> 00:29:25,330
Who's in charge?

361
00:29:34,450 --> 00:29:37,490
- Salut.
- Salut.

362
00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:46,250
You need to beware of stains.

363
00:29:51,130 --> 00:29:56,050
Did you get hot water? It takes a while
for the pipes in these old buildings.

364
00:29:56,490 --> 00:29:59,570
I had to stand there, waiting, naked,
for ten minutes.

365
00:30:00,210 --> 00:30:02,410
But then I got a good hot steam.

366
00:30:03,170 --> 00:30:05,890
It's important to be clean,
don't you think?

367
00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:09,410
What's your ritual, Colin?
Shower or bath?

368
00:30:09,890 --> 00:30:11,010
I like a shower.

369
00:30:11,090 --> 00:30:15,370
So, you smell clean? Do you?
Do you smell clean?

370
00:30:16,570 --> 00:30:19,770
- I suppose.
- Let me see. Come and sit over here.

371
00:30:23,610 --> 00:30:28,930
- I'm okay.
- Come on. Come on. All boys together.

372
00:30:31,490 --> 00:30:33,250
Come and sit with me.

373
00:30:38,370 --> 00:30:41,370
_

374
00:30:41,450 --> 00:30:44,090
_

375
00:30:56,170 --> 00:30:57,930
Better get some sleep.

376
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:02,850
- Muldoon's, seven o'clock.
- Yes, sir.

377
00:31:05,050 --> 00:31:07,370
- Goodnight, then.
- Goodnight.

378
00:31:16,850 --> 00:31:18,410
Only me!

379
00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:21,890
Didn't know if you wanted me to keep on
coming, but I made some lasagne.

380
00:31:21,970 --> 00:31:23,610
Who are you?

381
00:31:24,930 --> 00:31:28,410
- I'm sorry. I'm Gregory's friend.
- How'd you get a key?

382
00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:33,410
She's the one with the food, obviously.
He did say.

383
00:31:34,130 --> 00:31:38,330
We've got him now, so you can leave
the key there, thank you.

384
00:31:38,490 --> 00:31:40,170
She's wearing rubber gloves.

385
00:31:40,290 --> 00:31:43,970
- Where's Gregory? Is he alright?
- Why is she wearing rubber gloves?

386
00:31:44,050 --> 00:31:45,810
I said, you can go now, thanks.

387
00:31:45,890 --> 00:31:48,370
Dad, should we be wearing
rubber gloves or what?

388
00:31:48,450 --> 00:31:53,010
Christ, will you stop going on, Irene?
How do I know? We're taking him home.

389
00:31:54,450 --> 00:31:56,850
- Oh, my God, are you alright?
- What, are you a doctor?

390
00:31:56,930 --> 00:31:57,930
No.

391
00:31:58,010 --> 00:32:00,370
Do us a favour, keep out of it.
We've gotta hit the road.

392
00:32:00,450 --> 00:32:03,810
My dad and my sister.
They're taking me back to Glasgow.

393
00:32:05,250 --> 00:32:09,050
- But is that what you want?
- Yeah.

394
00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:12,450
What about Roscoe? Don't you wanna
say goodbye? I can go and get him.

395
00:32:12,570 --> 00:32:14,730
Don't tell him, Jill, please,
don't tell him.

396
00:32:14,810 --> 00:32:17,410
Don't you say a word
about my son to anybody.

397
00:32:17,850 --> 00:32:20,810
You understand that?
Have you got that? Not one word.

398
00:32:20,890 --> 00:32:24,050
I just want to know, right,
should we be wearing rubber gloves?

399
00:32:24,130 --> 00:32:26,850
Will you stop squawking?
Find out.

400
00:32:27,810 --> 00:32:29,770
Do some work for once in your life,
find out.

401
00:32:29,850 --> 00:32:34,170
And you! Thank you, for nothing.

402
00:32:35,250 --> 00:32:36,970
For encouraging him?

403
00:32:39,250 --> 00:32:41,690
We're done, aye? The key?

404
00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:48,810
- I made some food.
- Fuck off!

405
00:33:00,130 --> 00:33:01,970
- Guess what?!
- Ritchie's got news.

406
00:33:02,050 --> 00:33:06,210
- It's really seriously fantastic!
- Not now. Can it wait?

407
00:33:06,290 --> 00:33:09,490
No, but, guess what? Go on,
just guess, guess what arrived.

408
00:33:09,610 --> 00:33:13,650
- Boys I'm knackered, honestly.
- No, listen to him. No.

409
00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:18,050
Come see, come and see.
Jill Baxter, what could this be?

410
00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:21,010
Oh, no. Really?

411
00:33:21,290 --> 00:33:23,850
First post, 9 a.m.
I was screaming.

412
00:33:28,290 --> 00:33:31,810
- We're members of Equity!
- Yes!

413
00:33:34,650 --> 00:33:36,610
You're gonna be superstars!

414
00:33:36,690 --> 00:33:40,490
Sugar, don't be daft. Look at us,
we did it. We're proper actors.

415
00:33:40,890 --> 00:33:43,090
- What is it? What's wrong?
- Nothing.

416
00:33:44,490 --> 00:33:46,690
But this is good news, isn't it?

417
00:33:49,170 --> 00:33:54,490
I saw Gloria. He's going home.
I mean, for good.

418
00:33:55,850 --> 00:33:59,090
- What do you mean?
- He's going back to Glasgow.

419
00:33:59,210 --> 00:34:01,330
He never said.
When's he going?

420
00:34:01,410 --> 00:34:05,010
Now, he's gone. Don't go round,
'cause he won't be there.

421
00:34:05,090 --> 00:34:07,770
I saw him on the street
and he said goodbye.

422
00:34:09,970 --> 00:34:12,850
I thought he hated Glasgow,
the way he talked about his parents.

423
00:34:12,930 --> 00:34:16,090
Sod it, don't go on about him,
he was someone we knew, that's all.

424
00:34:16,170 --> 00:34:20,130
He couldn't hack it. That's what
London does, it's tough, so what?

425
00:34:20,330 --> 00:34:24,250
He's walked off owing me ten quid.
Thanks very much, Gloria, bye.

426
00:34:25,610 --> 00:34:30,610
Did you ever go out with him?
Did you sleep with him?

427
00:34:30,690 --> 00:34:32,290
No, thanks.

428
00:34:34,090 --> 00:34:36,850
- What about you?
- He's too old, he's 30.

429
00:34:36,930 --> 00:34:37,930
He's 34.

430
00:34:38,010 --> 00:34:40,010
He was there that night,
the general election.

431
00:34:40,090 --> 00:34:42,570
- The general erection.
- He just had a wank in the corner.

432
00:34:42,650 --> 00:34:46,290
- We were having Bobbie McCreadie.
- God, you all had each other.

433
00:34:46,370 --> 00:34:49,170
- When I'm desperate.
- You're begging for it.

434
00:34:49,250 --> 00:34:52,090
- You beg for me, boy.
- I don't beg, I just wanked.

435
00:34:52,170 --> 00:34:55,330
- Don't you ever think you should...
- What?

436
00:34:56,850 --> 00:34:58,770
Stop for a bit.

437
00:34:59,930 --> 00:35:01,810
- Stop what?
- Sex.

438
00:35:05,170 --> 00:35:06,970
- Why do you say that?
- I don't know.

439
00:35:07,050 --> 00:35:09,530
No. Why did you say it?

440
00:35:10,490 --> 00:35:13,730
Oh, my God, they got you.
The thought police, you are infected.

441
00:35:13,810 --> 00:35:15,930
- No, I'm just saying.
- Jill, don't listen to that shit.

442
00:35:16,010 --> 00:35:18,170
Do you know,
I'll listen to whatever I want.

443
00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,330
Because the problem with you is,
you're too clever.

444
00:35:20,410 --> 00:35:22,530
- It has been said.
- No, I mean it.

445
00:35:22,890 --> 00:35:24,050
You're too clever by half,

446
00:35:24,130 --> 00:35:27,530
like, in your mind, you can think
your way out of anything.

447
00:35:27,610 --> 00:35:30,970
But think about this, head boy.
If there was an illness,

448
00:35:31,050 --> 00:35:33,490
and say you had it
and you slept with him

449
00:35:33,730 --> 00:35:36,290
and then you slept with him
and then you slept with 500 people,

450
00:35:36,370 --> 00:35:37,730
like all of you do every weekend,

451
00:35:37,810 --> 00:35:40,290
then tell me, Ritchie,
if you're so clever,

452
00:35:40,370 --> 00:35:42,610
what's going to stop it spreading?

453
00:35:42,930 --> 00:35:44,690
What's gonna save you?

454
00:35:44,970 --> 00:35:46,370
Your A Levels?

455
00:35:50,250 --> 00:35:52,290
Get smart, idiot.

456
00:36:00,570 --> 00:36:03,450
I didn't actually go anywhere,
'cause we were too busy working.

457
00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:07,530
I saw the Empire State and
the Chrysler Building in the distance,

458
00:36:07,850 --> 00:36:09,370
that was good enough for me.

459
00:36:11,730 --> 00:36:14,530
Funny thing is, steam really does
rise up from the streets.

460
00:36:14,610 --> 00:36:17,170
Like in the films,
steam from the subway.

461
00:36:18,210 --> 00:36:19,330
But I'm sorry,

462
00:36:20,130 --> 00:36:23,330
I did look for that stuff,
but I couldn't find anything anywhere.

463
00:36:23,410 --> 00:36:24,450
I did try.

464
00:36:27,010 --> 00:36:31,050
- That's okay. Never mind.
- No, I'm lying, here you are.

465
00:36:32,210 --> 00:36:35,650
- You fibber!
- Fooled you! There you are.

466
00:36:36,450 --> 00:36:40,490
- You're getting cheeky, you are.
- Yeah. And I had pastrami.

467
00:36:41,210 --> 00:36:43,890
Colin, you can get pastrami
on the corner.

468
00:36:44,410 --> 00:36:47,410
I tell you what, you know your Filofax
has got everything?

469
00:36:47,490 --> 00:36:48,490
Yeah.

470
00:36:48,570 --> 00:36:50,690
Do you have an address for Gloria,
I mean, Gregory?

471
00:36:50,770 --> 00:36:53,850
- A home address, in Glasgow?
- I've got it, yeah.

472
00:36:53,930 --> 00:36:55,170
Have you?

473
00:36:56,410 --> 00:36:58,290
- Why?
- I've got everything.

474
00:36:58,810 --> 00:37:01,810
I don't know his father's name,
but the surname is Finch,

475
00:37:01,890 --> 00:37:06,010
36 St. Elm Road,
Mount Vernon, Glasgow, G32.

476
00:37:06,610 --> 00:37:09,570
No, sorry,
that number's ex-directory.

477
00:37:10,130 --> 00:37:12,850
Right, sorry. Thanks.

478
00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:21,410
Hi Gloria, Bill here! Just hoping
you're okay and enjoying...

479
00:37:21,810 --> 00:37:25,010
- Do you want to say hello?
- What for, he's gone, hasn't he?

480
00:37:43,290 --> 00:37:44,690
Colin!

481
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:52,650
Apparently, it all went very well.
A great success, I'm told.

482
00:37:52,850 --> 00:37:54,930
- It was brilliant.
- And New York?

483
00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:58,370
- Amazing.
- I've never been lucky enough.

484
00:38:00,250 --> 00:38:06,090
Now, Mr. Hart said
he's been reviewing the books

485
00:38:06,330 --> 00:38:10,010
and, well, really,
it's been three years,

486
00:38:10,410 --> 00:38:15,330
so we can consider your apprenticeship
to be at an end. Very well done.

487
00:38:15,930 --> 00:38:17,170
Thank you.

488
00:38:17,570 --> 00:38:20,770
So, that'll be it.
I'm sure you understand.

489
00:38:23,890 --> 00:38:26,770
- What do you mean?
- The job has come to an end.

490
00:38:27,810 --> 00:38:32,370
But I don't understand.
Am I sacked?

491
00:38:32,690 --> 00:38:38,730
No. It's more like
you're not employed anymore.

492
00:38:39,810 --> 00:38:43,650
- But can't I stay?
- I'm afraid not.

493
00:38:47,130 --> 00:38:50,970
- Did I do something wrong?
- I don't know, did you?

494
00:38:53,410 --> 00:38:55,210
I'd really like to stay.

495
00:38:55,770 --> 00:39:01,770
I'd love to stay, I love it here.
I really love it here.

496
00:39:04,290 --> 00:39:07,450
Is there anything
I can do, to stay?

497
00:39:07,530 --> 00:39:11,010
We're duty bound to give you
one month's notice,

498
00:39:11,610 --> 00:39:14,210
but I'll just post you
a month's salary in lieu,

499
00:39:14,290 --> 00:39:17,850
because there's no point
in haunting the place, is there?

500
00:39:17,930 --> 00:39:20,970
Best to move on. Today.

501
00:39:22,610 --> 00:39:25,050
- I'm finishing today?
- No need to wait.

502
00:39:28,970 --> 00:39:29,970
You want me to go?

503
00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:36,210
I don't see why not.
And thank you very much for everything.

504
00:40:11,570 --> 00:40:13,690
Thank you very much.

505
00:40:44,130 --> 00:40:45,130
- Working?
- Yeah!

506
00:40:45,210 --> 00:40:51,250
Okay. So by public demand, for one
night only, called out of retirement,

507
00:40:51,410 --> 00:40:53,530
'cause the stripper got stuck
in a bomb scare.

508
00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:58,690
Ladies and gentlemen, the final
appearance of Tozer and Baxter!

509
00:41:00,410 --> 00:41:02,450
- Baxter and Tozer.
- I'll go away.

510
00:41:02,530 --> 00:41:03,850
Thank you.

511
00:42:15,650 --> 00:42:17,210
That's great, yeah.

512
00:42:35,690 --> 00:42:36,850
_

513
00:42:36,930 --> 00:42:38,930
_

514
00:43:29,330 --> 00:43:31,010
_

515
00:43:31,035 --> 00:43:32,402
_

516
00:44:51,113 --> 00:44:56,105
CREDITS