1
00:00:00,710 --> 00:00:02,382
So Romania is off,

2
00:00:02,633 --> 00:00:04,340
but... Michael,

3
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,767
Northampton is a go situation.

4
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:10,819
The gateway to the west Northampton.

5
00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:13,019
Nothing will stop me

6
00:00:13,168 --> 00:00:15,484
getting to Northampton.

7
00:00:16,752 --> 00:00:19,019
Do you know, I'm so happy for you.

8
00:00:19,044 --> 00:00:20,381
- Thank you.
- I'm proud.

9
00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:21,799
Thank you very much.

10
00:00:21,824 --> 00:00:23,004
6 across.

11
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:24,932
"Sword of..."

12
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,559
- Omens.
- It's eight letters.

13
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,799
Sword of Damocles.

14
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,199
- Da-may-cles!
- Yep.

15
00:00:33,413 --> 00:00:34,481
Yes!

16
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:35,981
We should have a system by now.

17
00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,416
- Like what?
- I don't know.

18
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,675
I could do cross,

19
00:00:38,910 --> 00:00:40,077
you could do down.

20
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,750
Is that a joke?

21
00:00:46,729 --> 00:00:48,733
You'll be the cross one and
I'll be the down one?!

22
00:00:48,793 --> 00:00:50,912
Yeah, I came up with it last night.

23
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,274
You're a funny old fish,

24
00:00:52,314 --> 00:00:54,410
cos you're not an intentionally

25
00:00:54,535 --> 00:00:55,719
funny person.

26
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,600
- Is that correct?
- Well, yeah.

27
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,359
Well, I tell jokes!

28
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:00,403
No, you don't.

29
00:01:00,497 --> 00:01:04,083
You... you stumble and topple headlong

30
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,460
into funny things

31
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,976
completely accidentally, occasionally.

32
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,919
Oh, do I? you make me sound
like a wounded gazelle.

33
00:01:10,001 --> 00:01:11,166
No, it's endearing.

34
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,399
7 across. Oh, my God!

35
00:01:13,446 --> 00:01:15,319
Lead actor

36
00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:17,026
in Staged!

37
00:01:17,136 --> 00:01:18,363
Fuck off!

38
00:01:18,401 --> 00:01:20,241
- Yes! You are kidding!
- Yes!

39
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,440
How many letters?

40
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:27,840
12.

41
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,715
Yeah!

42
00:01:32,148 --> 00:01:33,495
- What?
- No!

43
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,122
www.subtitulamos.tv

44
00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:37,335
So talk to me about the auditions.

45
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,145
You know, the ones where I asked you

46
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,544
clearly to behave

47
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,341
for the sake of your careers?

48
00:01:43,365 --> 00:01:44,843
- Your careers.
- Absolutely.

49
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,531
Yeah. So...

50
00:01:47,284 --> 00:01:49,911
did you or did you not use

51
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:52,827
these sessions with
A-list Hollywood talent

52
00:01:53,158 --> 00:01:56,083
as an impromptu therapy thing?

53
00:01:57,007 --> 00:01:57,922
Uh, well

54
00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:00,209
David was feeling vulnerable,

55
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,039
a bit tender, weren't you?

56
00:02:02,175 --> 00:02:03,994
Well, some of the improvisations

57
00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:05,894
got a wee bit personal.

58
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,303
You realise you're a
laughing stock, yeah?

59
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,988
You know this, right?

60
00:02:10,777 --> 00:02:12,754
Can we have one more chance?

61
00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:14,498
We can be professional, Mary,

62
00:02:14,513 --> 00:02:16,180
- we really can.
- Yeah.

63
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,575
I think you're cursed.

64
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:20,879
- Cursed?
- Have you ever met a wizard?

65
00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:22,307
No?

66
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,798
Are you sure?

67
00:02:24,108 --> 00:02:26,505
Because I think

68
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:30,595
the wizard must have
fucked you in the ass.

69
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:35,818
I'm pretty sure I would
have remembered that.

70
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,548
Well, not if you were enchanted.

71
00:02:37,877 --> 00:02:39,439
Hey, guys!

72
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:40,464
Hi.

73
00:02:40,532 --> 00:02:42,533
- Hi, how was that?!
- Lovely.

74
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:43,629
Tom?

75
00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:47,279
Do you think you could get her

76
00:02:47,685 --> 00:02:49,319
to give us another chance?

77
00:02:49,452 --> 00:02:51,879
- A chance of what?
- Of reading with the actors.

78
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,863
No need. It's done. It's already cast.

79
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,525
- What?
- What?!

80
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,835
Really? What, they've cast?

81
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,185
- Finished?
- Us?

82
00:02:59,365 --> 00:03:00,535
No, I shouldn't have said anything,

83
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,077
pretend I didn't say anything,
pretend I didn't say anything.

84
00:03:02,174 --> 00:03:03,539
Who, who is it?!

85
00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:05,736
- I can't say, Michael, I cannot say.
- Oh, come on!

86
00:03:05,904 --> 00:03:07,170
No, I can't.

87
00:03:07,193 --> 00:03:08,417
Tom, please. Please.

88
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:10,232
We just to know who it is, we
just want to know who it is.

89
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:11,390
It's still embargoed,

90
00:03:11,429 --> 00:03:13,391
Mary would kill me with a
trophy that she found.

91
00:03:13,416 --> 00:03:14,783
She would absolutely kill me.

92
00:03:14,830 --> 00:03:16,062
Tom...

93
00:03:16,218 --> 00:03:18,610
Oh, David, don't do that.

94
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,678
- What?
- Don't first-name me.

95
00:03:20,703 --> 00:03:22,731
Do you remember the last
time you first-named me?

96
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,120
Do you remember this?

97
00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:28,273
When did you go to
Disneyland with Tom, David?

98
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:30,580
Unbelievable!

99
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,319
So, can you help us out?

100
00:03:34,552 --> 00:03:36,759
OK, this is what's happening,
this is what's happening.

101
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,239
In the books right now,

102
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,136
there is a call with Simon
and the other actors

103
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:42,870
about a rewrite. Then after that,

104
00:03:42,925 --> 00:03:44,795
there's going to be a whole big
announcement, then you'll find out.

105
00:03:44,852 --> 00:03:46,880
So why don't you let us

106
00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:48,298
- join the call?
- Yes.

107
00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:50,735
- No, no.
- Come on.

108
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,706
It would make David so happy...

109
00:03:53,745 --> 00:03:55,319
- It would.
- if you could do that.

110
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,194
David, would it really make you happy?

111
00:03:57,608 --> 00:03:59,693
- I'd love it.
- And then when David

112
00:03:59,794 --> 00:04:01,959
- comes over to LA next...
- Yeah.

113
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,242
you know, if you get us on that call,

114
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,983
I'm sure David would love

115
00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:07,476
to spend time with you

116
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,044
and hang out, go for dinner,

117
00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,359
take in a show.

118
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,559
Michael, you said hang out?

119
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,686
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you tell us, if...

120
00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:19,863
Kiss!

121
00:04:19,988 --> 00:04:21,409
- That would be...
- Yeah.

122
00:04:21,441 --> 00:04:22,611
That would be great.

123
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:23,913
You can get us on that call.

124
00:04:23,937 --> 00:04:25,339
I know exactly where we get food.

125
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:26,418
I know exactly where to get dinner.

126
00:04:26,457 --> 00:04:28,078
I've already planned the
courses and everything,

127
00:04:28,085 --> 00:04:29,498
and I know exactly what we'll
be drinking at that time.

128
00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:30,976
I'm into that. I think this is amazing.

129
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,702
And then I could maybe, you know...

130
00:04:32,748 --> 00:04:34,599
I'll be over soon, and we
could hang out as well.

131
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,858
- So much traffic, though, right,
- Michael?

132
00:04:37,539 --> 00:04:39,019
So much traffic here.

133
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,048
We just want to know who it is.

134
00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:44,645
And we can eat anything we want, we
can talk about anything we want?

135
00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:46,033
You can choose, of course.

136
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,321
Listen, you know the city,
you can show me round.

137
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:51,993
What do you say?

138
00:04:52,550 --> 00:04:54,400
- What do I say?
- Yeah.

139
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,075
So, do you know either of them?

140
00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:08,710
I used to know David.

141
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,958
And what about...

142
00:05:12,493 --> 00:05:13,698
Simon?

143
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:15,424
Do you know Simon?

144
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,799
Allegedly.

145
00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,915
Ah. What does that mean?

146
00:05:19,502 --> 00:05:20,612
Oh, no!

147
00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:24,884
No, no, no, I just have no
memory of him whatsoever.

148
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,535
Uh-huh.

149
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,868
He sent me an email that said,

150
00:05:28,947 --> 00:05:31,425
"Long time, no see."

151
00:05:32,048 --> 00:05:34,135
Oh, God, I hate that phrase.

152
00:05:34,226 --> 00:05:36,421
Makes me so nervous.

153
00:05:36,538 --> 00:05:37,641
Well, did you challenge?

154
00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:39,538
No, I just replied, "You too

155
00:05:39,577 --> 00:05:41,892
can't wait to catch up," blah-blah-blah.

156
00:05:42,228 --> 00:05:44,681
I asked around. Apparently,
he's quite forgettable.

157
00:05:45,734 --> 00:05:47,436
Don't tell him I said
he was forgettable.

158
00:05:47,507 --> 00:05:49,104
- I won't.
- Or that I forgot him.

159
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:49,983
Hi.

160
00:05:52,475 --> 00:05:53,759
- Hi!
- Hi!

161
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,148
- Hello!
- Hello there.

162
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:57,031
Hello. Hi! Uh, Cate!

163
00:05:57,069 --> 00:05:58,251
- Simon?
- Lovely to meet you.

164
00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,368
- Hi.
- Phoebe!

165
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,423
- Yay!
- Yay!

166
00:06:01,478 --> 00:06:02,946
Long time, no see!

167
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,038
Long time, no see!

168
00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:07,399
You've worked with Phoebe before?

169
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,596
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we go back a way.

170
00:06:09,621 --> 00:06:10,617
When was that?

171
00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:12,464
Sorry, Phoebs just hasn't had a chance

172
00:06:12,537 --> 00:06:14,247
to... to... to tell me. When...

173
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:15,849
was that?

174
00:06:15,950 --> 00:06:17,372
Oh, well, Phoebe, you...

175
00:06:18,563 --> 00:06:20,088
- Um, did I not?!
- You tell it!

176
00:06:20,104 --> 00:06:21,156
You tell it this time!

177
00:06:21,185 --> 00:06:22,944
I was just talking to Cate about it.

178
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,843
I can't remember the name of the...

179
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,760
- The play.
- The play!

180
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,761
- Yeah. Like A Fish Bone.
- Like A Fish Bone!

181
00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:34,389
- At the Royal Court.
- At the Bush.

182
00:06:34,537 --> 00:06:35,959
Yeah, a couple of years ago.

183
00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:38,061
Yeah. Well, 2010.

184
00:06:38,381 --> 00:06:39,602
Couple of years ago, yeah.

185
00:06:39,617 --> 00:06:41,298
Yeah. Happy, happy times.

186
00:06:41,322 --> 00:06:44,100
And it's lovely
to be in both your orbits,

187
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,092
to sort of read a little bit of this.

188
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,443
It's a sort of scene from

189
00:06:47,529 --> 00:06:49,179
series one of the UK version,

190
00:06:49,223 --> 00:06:50,135
we sort of tinkered with it.

191
00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:51,812
We Adrian Lestered it, love it!

192
00:06:51,851 --> 00:06:52,733
There you go!

193
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,055
God, thank you.

194
00:06:54,141 --> 00:06:56,479
I'm just going to go and grab
a notebook quickly.

195
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:57,288
OK.

196
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,017
Really nice to see you.

197
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,169
So lovely to see you!

198
00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,303
Fuck you.

199
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,118
Jesus!

200
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,338
Michael.

201
00:07:11,095 --> 00:07:12,179
Phoebe!

202
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,589
Hello!

203
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,210
Fuck me, it's Cate Blanchett.

204
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,525
Hi!

205
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,879
What are you doing here?!

206
00:07:17,918 --> 00:07:19,541
What are you doing here?

207
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,799
So sorry, Simon?

208
00:07:24,114 --> 00:07:25,882
We just weren't aware

209
00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:28,284
that Michael was actually
going to be here.

210
00:07:29,194 --> 00:07:31,442
I was unaware Michael
was going to be here.

211
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,439
We were actually specifically
told that he wouldn't be here.

212
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:35,525
I'm sorry,

213
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,069
we are just supposed to be observing.

214
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:39,383
- But...
- What do you mean by "we"?

215
00:07:39,445 --> 00:07:40,945
What are you doing here?

216
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,535
Uh, we're reading for the show.

217
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,728
- Which show?
- Your show.

218
00:07:44,751 --> 00:07:46,016
- My show?
- Our show.

219
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,519
David's not coming, is he?

220
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:48,765
- Hello!
- Jesus.

221
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:49,871
Sorry I'm late.

222
00:07:51,455 --> 00:07:52,682
Phoebe?

223
00:07:53,411 --> 00:07:54,497
David.

224
00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:55,795
Long time, no see.

225
00:07:55,904 --> 00:07:57,398
Yeah, long time, no see.

226
00:07:57,445 --> 00:07:58,937
- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?

227
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:00,376
Stop repeating each other.

228
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,544
Sorry, I won't be in
the same room as him.

229
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,119
Well, technically we're not in the
same room.

230
00:08:04,877 --> 00:08:06,704
Technically we're not in the same room.

231
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:07,848
Technically, we're not in the same room!

232
00:08:07,871 --> 00:08:08,982
We're not in the same room, are we?

233
00:08:09,007 --> 00:08:10,257
We're not in the same room.

234
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,369
We're not in the same room.

235
00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:13,159
Simon, Simon, sorry.

236
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,845
Could you remind me again,
what are they doing here?

237
00:08:17,962 --> 00:08:20,122
Er, we're the new Michael and David.

238
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:27,374
David?

239
00:08:27,577 --> 00:08:28,543
Uh, no.

240
00:08:28,613 --> 00:08:30,160
Who are you? Who are you?

241
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,479
- Who are you?
- Who am I?! I'm Tom.

242
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:33,993
Who the fuck is Tom?

243
00:08:34,377 --> 00:08:36,537
Uh, David's best friend, Tom.

244
00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:39,613
OK, your silence is insane.

245
00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:40,757
Can you please get him for me?

246
00:08:41,351 --> 00:08:42,398
Uh, um, no.

247
00:08:42,716 --> 00:08:45,039
Who are you?! Are you
his personal assistant?

248
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,144
Do you clean his Daleks?

249
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:48,306
Are you like his patissier?

250
00:08:48,331 --> 00:08:50,710
Do you make his pastries? Tell
me what you're doing there.

251
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,739
Yeah, all those... all those things.

252
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,200
And also his wife.

253
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,824
Georgia!

254
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,880
So you've made love with him.

255
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,961
OK, sorry, can you tell me where he is?

256
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,752
Yeah, he's just on a call.

257
00:09:05,659 --> 00:09:06,431
What?

258
00:09:06,470 --> 00:09:08,235
What? What do you mean? Is
it with Phoebe and Cate?

259
00:09:08,274 --> 00:09:10,456
- Georgia, is he with Phoebe and Cate?
- Who are Phoebe and Cate?

260
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,509
I'm going to be sick.

261
00:09:11,582 --> 00:09:13,210
Mary's on her way over here right now.

262
00:09:13,242 --> 00:09:15,225
Did you know that Phoebe hates David?

263
00:09:15,628 --> 00:09:17,132
- Phoebe?
- Yeah,

264
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:19,340
cos I had no idea. Nobody told me.

265
00:09:19,450 --> 00:09:21,559
Phoebe, as in Waller-Bridge.

266
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:23,088
Yeah, the monologue woman.

267
00:09:23,113 --> 00:09:24,387
The monologue woman.

268
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:26,368
Yeah, you're fucked.

269
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:32,413
Michael?

270
00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:35,041
Who let you in?

271
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,039
- Uh, Tom did.
- Who's Tom?

272
00:09:39,238 --> 00:09:40,639
Mary's assistant, Tom.

273
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,399
Well, he shouldn't have done that.

274
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,839
Oh, let it go, Phoebe.

275
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,830
- David, why don't you tell them?
- No.

276
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:48,250
- We worked on Broadchurch together.
- Second series.

277
00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:50,191
Shall we just read instead?
Let's read the scene.

278
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,157
Sorry, Cate, can...

279
00:09:52,172 --> 00:09:53,742
I'm just going to get this out the way.

280
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,455
I am a huge fan.

281
00:09:55,924 --> 00:09:57,828
Oh, my God!

282
00:09:57,859 --> 00:09:59,039
Thank you!

283
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,261
I mean, you're Michael
Sheen, for God's sake.

284
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,399
Oh! You're Cate Blanchett.

285
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,159
Cate Blanchett is a big fan.

286
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,745
I mean, no, seriously.

287
00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:08,140
I don't know, you have this way

288
00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:10,352
of just losing yourself
in your roles, it's...

289
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,719
Well, excuse me, didn't
someone play Bob Dylan?!

290
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:14,784
Can we read?

291
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,456
No, I'd like David to
tell the story first.

292
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,723
I don't think anyone
wants to hear the story.

293
00:10:17,746 --> 00:10:19,005
Simon wants to hear it, don't you?

294
00:10:19,154 --> 00:10:20,219
I... suppose so.

295
00:10:20,258 --> 00:10:21,459
I remember that, I remember that

296
00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:23,347
- from the Donmar.
- Uh, the Bush.

297
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,999
- Like A Goldfish.
- Fish Bone.

298
00:10:25,014 --> 00:10:26,756
Well, so we were filming Broadchurch...

299
00:10:26,911 --> 00:10:28,006
on location.

300
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,839
There were long days,

301
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,430
and it happened that occasionally

302
00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:34,257
I would... need the bathroom.

303
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,577
So when I did need to go,

304
00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:38,449
early on, David would find a way

305
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:41,119
of making his phone omit a sound.

306
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,994
- A sound?
- Like a text alert.

307
00:10:43,025 --> 00:10:43,976
A text alert?

308
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,324
- It's like a ping.
- Ping?

309
00:10:45,402 --> 00:10:47,608
He was... methodical.

310
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,136
I'd go,

311
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,616
and his phone would ping.

312
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,258
I didn't notice at first.

313
00:10:52,305 --> 00:10:53,367
Weeks passed.

314
00:10:53,409 --> 00:10:54,927
Cause and effect, swapped places

315
00:10:54,951 --> 00:10:56,484
his phone would ping...

316
00:10:56,793 --> 00:10:58,712
It became Pavlovian.

317
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,415
- This... this can't be real.
- It is real.

318
00:11:01,804 --> 00:11:03,871
I heard it and I had to go,

319
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:05,752
immediately and involuntarily.

320
00:11:05,823 --> 00:11:07,937
- It was a joke.
- I was written out of scenes.

321
00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:09,152
It was a joke.

322
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,444
Whole scenes because I
had to go to the toilet.

323
00:11:12,483 --> 00:11:14,839
- That's not what happened!
- That is what happened.

324
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,359
I thought it would be funny.

325
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,335
Well, it's not!

326
00:11:17,382 --> 00:11:19,136
All right! How much
comedy have you done?!

327
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,439
She is funny.

328
00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,468
Have you seen Notes On A Scandal?

329
00:11:22,496 --> 00:11:23,516
Yeah, have you?

330
00:11:23,664 --> 00:11:25,611
You ruined my career.

331
00:11:26,024 --> 00:11:27,824
I stopped being cast, roles dried up.

332
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,199
I was "difficult to work with".

333
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,296
No-one wanted to hire me
because they called me

334
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,022
the Loo Recluse.

335
00:11:33,077 --> 00:11:34,239
What about Fleabag?

336
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,446
I had to fucking create Fleabag.

337
00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:37,548
I inspired you.

338
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:38,616
Can we read, please? Can we read?

339
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,450
I had to carve my way back in.

340
00:11:40,497 --> 00:11:42,095
- Please, can we read?
- Hang on.

341
00:11:42,189 --> 00:11:44,754
If you two are playing us, who's
playing our other halves?

342
00:11:44,785 --> 00:11:46,079
Who's playing Georgia?

343
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,137
You mean George?

344
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,483
George? Is that a joke?

345
00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:51,190
You wouldn't know a joke
if it came on your face.

346
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,563
Uh, sorry, who are... who are you

347
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,873
talking to about the partners, Simon?

348
00:11:57,139 --> 00:12:00,062
Oh, well, unconfirmed,
but fingers crossed.

349
00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:01,542
Martin Freeman.

350
00:12:02,211 --> 00:12:03,554
No, no, no!

351
00:12:03,664 --> 00:12:05,799
Fuck you! No, not Martin Freeman!

352
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,359
- Not again.
- He's lovely!

353
00:12:07,384 --> 00:12:09,024
No, he's a fucking thief.

354
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,120
I...

355
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,632
OK, look, I was going to be

356
00:12:15,718 --> 00:12:16,884
Bilbo Baggins.

357
00:12:16,978 --> 00:12:18,698
You were supposed to be in The Hobbit?

358
00:12:18,753 --> 00:12:20,660
The role was mine, I'd accepted it,

359
00:12:20,777 --> 00:12:22,331
and then he stole it from me.

360
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,519
Oh, no, no, no, he's a sweetheart.

361
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,574
- No, he's a monster.
- Can we read, please?

362
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,340
- Is that when you were recast?
- Yep.

363
00:12:28,512 --> 00:12:29,920
I thought it was me!

364
00:12:30,014 --> 00:12:33,277
Sorry, when would you ever replace me?

365
00:12:34,532 --> 00:12:36,112
You do look like a Hobbit.

366
00:12:36,229 --> 00:12:37,648
Peter Jackson,

367
00:12:37,734 --> 00:12:39,498
he did ask me about you.

368
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:41,666
- And what did you say?
- Well, I was honest

369
00:12:41,705 --> 00:12:43,752
and said I'd never heard of you.

370
00:12:45,941 --> 00:12:47,639
Well, did he ask you about Martin?

371
00:12:47,681 --> 00:12:49,474
Well, yes. I just...

372
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:53,260
said, I thought he was all
right in Frost/Nixon.

373
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,690
That was me!

374
00:12:56,846 --> 00:12:58,771
- That was you?
- That was me!

375
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:01,439
- Yeah, that was him.
- Please, can we read?

376
00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:04,054
You ruined my career!

377
00:13:04,140 --> 00:13:05,700
Back off, hairy legs!

378
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,476
I didn't know that was you.

379
00:13:07,609 --> 00:13:10,510
I lose myself in my roles.

380
00:13:10,649 --> 00:13:11,873
Well...

381
00:13:12,268 --> 00:13:13,509
Do it less!

382
00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:14,761
Sorry, do it less?

383
00:13:14,871 --> 00:13:16,642
Yes, lose yourself less.

384
00:13:16,657 --> 00:13:18,318
Lose myself less!

385
00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,222
Please, can we read, please?! Please!

386
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:22,127
- Fine, fine, fine.
- Please! Can we?!

387
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,641
Can we read, can we just read,

388
00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:26,396
can we read it, can
we just read it once?

389
00:13:26,465 --> 00:13:28,025
Just please read it!

390
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:31,953
Fine.

391
00:13:32,008 --> 00:13:33,162
- Yeah.
- Yeah, great.

392
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,427
Thank you.

393
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,880
Fuck you.

394
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,938
Yes, yes, the seventh letter

395
00:14:00,196 --> 00:14:02,528
of "lead actor in Staged"

396
00:14:02,614 --> 00:14:04,453
is the last letter

397
00:14:04,633 --> 00:14:06,356
of 4 across.

398
00:14:06,606 --> 00:14:07,790
And 4 across is...?

399
00:14:07,845 --> 00:14:09,667
"For all time."

400
00:14:09,776 --> 00:14:10,803
It's infinite.

401
00:14:10,857 --> 00:14:12,050
Last letter is E.

402
00:14:12,075 --> 00:14:15,852
It's D-A-V-I-D-T-E-N-N-A-N-T.

403
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,948
Or what about "immortal"?

404
00:14:17,995 --> 00:14:19,232
Last letter is L.

405
00:14:19,263 --> 00:14:21,881
M-I-C-H-A-E-L

406
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,610
S-H-E-E-N.

407
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:26,100
Uh, any other across words?

408
00:14:27,607 --> 00:14:28,859
Um, 2 across.

409
00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:30,922
"Animated animal".

410
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,843
it's three letters and it shares

411
00:14:33,902 --> 00:14:35,354
a first letter

412
00:14:35,646 --> 00:14:38,246
with either you or me.

413
00:14:41,599 --> 00:14:43,598
- Dog.
- Man.

414
00:14:43,623 --> 00:14:45,057
- Man?
- Dog?!

415
00:14:45,112 --> 00:14:46,866
Yeah, there's loads of animated dogs!

416
00:14:46,905 --> 00:14:48,174
- It's ant.
- Ant?

417
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,022
Yes, animated animal, three letters.

418
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:52,885
Ant, from the movie Antz.

419
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,555
Oh, right.

420
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,012
And it is immortal.

421
00:14:57,095 --> 00:14:58,227
That doesn't fit with either of us.

422
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:01,363
Because it's Adrian Lester.

423
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:11,671
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