1 00:00:09,192 --> 00:00:10,410 - Good morning, sir. - Morning. 2 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,346 - Good morning, Mr. Mayor. - Hello. 3 00:00:12,739 --> 00:00:14,651 - Good to see you, mayor. - Morning. 4 00:00:14,676 --> 00:00:16,315 Good morning. Morning. 5 00:00:16,357 --> 00:00:17,461 Morning. 6 00:00:19,621 --> 00:00:21,622 You do realize I'm lost, right? 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,978 - Oh, uh, it's this way, sir. - Morning. 8 00:00:25,049 --> 00:00:26,883 Sir, I know you said no to the teleprompter, 9 00:00:26,917 --> 00:00:28,918 but just remember to emphasize job creation, 10 00:00:28,953 --> 00:00:30,720 and please don't try to speak Spanish again. 11 00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:33,189 It's not my fault pero means "dog" and "but." 12 00:00:33,224 --> 00:00:34,457 That's just goofy. 13 00:00:34,492 --> 00:00:36,059 You might wanna let me hold your watch, sir. 14 00:00:36,093 --> 00:00:37,961 An Audemars Piguet might be perceived as elitist. 15 00:00:37,995 --> 00:00:40,663 When exactly did elite become a bad word, Tommy? 16 00:00:40,698 --> 00:00:42,832 2001, Perry Ellis introduces Elite cologne. 17 00:00:42,867 --> 00:00:45,401 Base notes of tonka bean and oakmoss... who is that for? 18 00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:47,208 - Ah. - Excuse me, Mr. Bremer? 19 00:00:47,233 --> 00:00:50,039 Hi, I'm Jayden Kwapis, Interim Director of Communications. 20 00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:52,509 You're hand's very... warm, Jayden. 21 00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:54,844 Yes, I was holding a French bread pizza. 22 00:00:54,879 --> 00:00:56,713 - Okay. - Are you ready, sir? 23 00:00:56,747 --> 00:00:59,883 What if I say no? 24 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,584 Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor! 25 00:01:01,619 --> 00:01:02,752 Mr. Mayor. 26 00:01:02,786 --> 00:01:04,521 Can you believe this? 27 00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:14,321 Well, hey, I never thought I'd be standing here. 28 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:16,332 And I know you didn't, Rick. 29 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,566 I'm not a politician. 30 00:01:21,622 --> 00:01:24,090 This time last year, I was happily retired, 31 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:28,561 putting, exercising, and never using my outdoor kitchen. 32 00:01:28,596 --> 00:01:31,064 I was quarantining before it was cool. 33 00:01:31,098 --> 00:01:32,365 Heigh-ho! 34 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,666 Uh, too soon, maybe. 35 00:01:33,701 --> 00:01:36,202 But I love this city. 36 00:01:36,237 --> 00:01:38,004 Like so many Angelenos, 37 00:01:38,039 --> 00:01:40,640 I chose LA as my home. 38 00:01:40,674 --> 00:01:44,344 In 1976, I followed a girlfriend out here. 39 00:01:44,378 --> 00:01:46,212 Classic California story. 40 00:01:46,247 --> 00:01:49,582 She wanted to be an actress, but hey, she didn't make it. 41 00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,384 She was killed by the Night Stalker. 42 00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:53,219 But in my attempts to find her, 43 00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:57,223 I stumbled into the outdoor advertising business. 44 00:01:57,258 --> 00:01:58,925 Billboards. 45 00:01:58,959 --> 00:02:01,795 For 20 years, I gave you something to dream about 46 00:02:01,829 --> 00:02:04,197 while you were stuck on La Brea. 47 00:02:04,231 --> 00:02:06,866 Scientology, Angeline, 48 00:02:06,901 --> 00:02:09,202 for your consideration, "Nurse Jackie." 49 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,708 But now, I'm unretired 50 00:02:15,743 --> 00:02:18,378 because my city needed me. 51 00:02:18,412 --> 00:02:20,980 We're all grateful to former Mayor Delgado. 52 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:25,218 He served this city valiantly through an unprecedented time. 53 00:02:25,252 --> 00:02:27,487 The lightning strikes may have caused the earthquake, 54 00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:29,255 which has shut down a number of testing centers. 55 00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:31,858 Now, we learned overnight that the app we've been using 56 00:02:31,892 --> 00:02:33,960 for distance learning is malware 57 00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:36,062 and might be filming your kids on the toilet... 58 00:02:36,097 --> 00:02:38,431 Sir, we just found out that the murder hornets are back, 59 00:02:38,466 --> 00:02:39,833 and it turns out, they are not hornets. 60 00:02:39,867 --> 00:02:41,534 They are tiny North Korean fighter jets. 61 00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:45,572 I'm out! 62 00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:48,274 2020, you broke me! 63 00:02:48,309 --> 00:02:50,643 Y'all know the rest. Delgado retired, 64 00:02:50,678 --> 00:02:52,445 Dolly Parton bought everyone the vaccine, 65 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,280 they called a special election, and I jumped in. 66 00:02:54,315 --> 00:02:56,516 You wanna know why I jumped in? 67 00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:59,285 Because that day, the mayor quit. 68 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,288 And he was later found climbing one of my billboards. 69 00:03:02,323 --> 00:03:03,456 Remember that? Yeah. 70 00:03:03,491 --> 00:03:05,492 And the billboard said, 71 00:03:05,526 --> 00:03:08,161 "Bremer: Available Now." 72 00:03:08,195 --> 00:03:09,496 And you know what? 73 00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:13,566 I thought to myself, "That sign is a sign." 74 00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:14,868 All right, questions. Anyone? 75 00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:16,069 Over here. Yeah? 76 00:03:16,103 --> 00:03:17,444 When will you be making appointments? 77 00:03:17,469 --> 00:03:18,843 You haven't named a single deputy mayor. 78 00:03:18,868 --> 00:03:19,921 And I don't want any. 79 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:22,374 Like my daughter used to say about wiping her tushy, 80 00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:23,843 "No! Me do it." 81 00:03:23,878 --> 00:03:25,445 No deputy mayors. 82 00:03:25,479 --> 00:03:30,116 Look, I know that this city has big, big issues facing it. 83 00:03:30,151 --> 00:03:32,318 That's why today, I wanna start with something small 84 00:03:32,353 --> 00:03:33,686 we can all agree on. 85 00:03:33,721 --> 00:03:36,055 I wanna ban something... 86 00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:37,557 that sucks. 87 00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:38,858 Guess what it is? 88 00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:40,693 Oh, my God, I can't believe he won. 89 00:03:40,728 --> 00:03:42,262 I can't believe I did this. 90 00:03:42,296 --> 00:03:44,464 Is it bigger than a doll? 91 00:03:44,498 --> 00:03:46,332 Biracial Twitter's gonna come for me. 92 00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,800 What are you talking about? 93 00:03:47,835 --> 00:03:49,869 I made that old, white man seem cogent and cool. 94 00:03:49,904 --> 00:03:51,771 I got him to advertise in dispensaries. 95 00:03:51,805 --> 00:03:53,940 I got his cardboard cutout seated next to Kendall Jenner 96 00:03:53,974 --> 00:03:55,308 at the NBA Finals. 97 00:03:55,342 --> 00:03:57,610 I got him that toy phone, and told him he was tweeting on it. 98 00:03:57,645 --> 00:03:58,845 Okay, is this an anxiety attack, 99 00:03:58,879 --> 00:04:00,580 - or are you just bragging? - It's both! 100 00:04:00,614 --> 00:04:03,550 Because of me, he won 68% of the vote. 101 00:04:03,584 --> 00:04:06,052 He won 68% of the 8% of people who voted, 102 00:04:06,086 --> 00:04:08,121 which, by the way, never tell him. 103 00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:10,590 - What matters is that he's in! - But he's not qualified. 104 00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:12,792 He thinks Santa Monica is part of Los Angeles. 105 00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:14,961 - So he's not perfect. - Perfect? 106 00:04:14,995 --> 00:04:17,931 Tommy, that toy phone makes farm animal sounds. 107 00:04:17,965 --> 00:04:19,365 Remember, election is not marriage. 108 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,800 You're not trying to find "the one." 109 00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,535 It's like dating. It's not going to be perfect. 110 00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,137 Or fun, or good, or fulfilling, 111 00:04:24,171 --> 00:04:26,139 but you do it so your mom can brag at church. 112 00:04:26,173 --> 00:04:27,006 Okay, I took this job 113 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,075 as a short, high-paying PR challenge. 114 00:04:29,109 --> 00:04:32,245 Now, we won, and I'm supposed to just, what? 115 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:33,746 Work for the city? 116 00:04:33,781 --> 00:04:35,882 That's not content my followers wanna see. 117 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:37,050 Well, bail if you want to. 118 00:04:37,084 --> 00:04:39,586 I am excited about being a part of this administration. 119 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:42,222 Really, you're telling me you're all-in? 120 00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:43,823 - On this guy? - No. 121 00:04:43,857 --> 00:04:46,259 I'm very open to the idea of a robot police force. 122 00:04:46,293 --> 00:04:47,393 Thank you for reminding me. 123 00:04:47,428 --> 00:04:50,597 I think he's a charismatic, open-minded independent. 124 00:04:50,631 --> 00:04:51,898 So if you can't get on board, 125 00:04:51,932 --> 00:04:53,132 then you should get the hell out of my bed. 126 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:56,169 Ew, "West Wing," have a seat. I haven't decided yet. 127 00:04:56,203 --> 00:04:58,605 But if I do stay, 128 00:04:58,639 --> 00:05:01,241 we have to figure out a plan for that guy. 129 00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:02,408 Who? Jayden? 130 00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:03,943 He's a holdover. We can fire him. 131 00:05:03,978 --> 00:05:06,879 That's gonna change with my administration. 132 00:05:06,914 --> 00:05:08,114 Yeah, anyone else? Anybody? 133 00:05:08,148 --> 00:05:10,116 Or do we keep him? 134 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:13,152 Whenever it's time to throw someone under a bus, 135 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:14,821 he could be our bus meat. 136 00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,956 Everyone who works for this great city 137 00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:19,425 is essential and productive. 138 00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,127 That's all I ask of my team. 139 00:05:21,161 --> 00:05:23,963 And it's the very least that the people of Los Angeles 140 00:05:23,998 --> 00:05:25,832 should expect from this office. 141 00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,734 - Come on. - He really is something. 142 00:05:27,768 --> 00:05:29,269 I'll make sure his desk is near ours. 143 00:05:29,303 --> 00:05:30,703 Phone, remind me to... 144 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,797 Topple the patriarchy! 145 00:05:35,242 --> 00:05:38,311 Believe me, no one here is more disappointed 146 00:05:38,345 --> 00:05:41,447 in the outcome of our recent mayoral election than me. 147 00:05:41,482 --> 00:05:42,815 Than I! 148 00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:45,752 When I am elected sophomore class president, 149 00:05:45,786 --> 00:05:49,455 I will ban all plastic straws from school property, 150 00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:52,659 not just because they choke sea turtles and jellyfish... 151 00:05:52,693 --> 00:05:55,928 - In Latin, cnidaria. - Cnidaria. 152 00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:57,730 But because drinking through a straw 153 00:05:57,765 --> 00:05:59,866 is a phallic lie. 154 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:03,336 Girls have mouths, and it's time for us to use them! 155 00:06:05,863 --> 00:06:08,571 In ora puellae! 156 00:06:08,605 --> 00:06:10,009 Thank you, Orly. 157 00:06:10,010 --> 00:06:12,178 Now, as a transitional device, 158 00:06:12,212 --> 00:06:15,281 I will play a brief phrase on my alto recorder. 159 00:06:21,455 --> 00:06:22,722 Wonderful. 160 00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:24,390 Our next student council nominee, 161 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:29,283 please welcome Veda Chung von Medici-Ito Simmons. 162 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,993 Um, before I begin, I just received, 163 00:06:35,035 --> 00:06:37,704 like, a bonkers news alert on my phone. 164 00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:39,706 Veda, statements go down at the end. 165 00:06:39,740 --> 00:06:42,942 "A bonkers news alert on my phone-uh." 166 00:06:42,976 --> 00:06:45,044 Orly's idea may not be as progressive 167 00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:48,147 as she wants us to think because the literal mayor 168 00:06:48,182 --> 00:06:49,182 literally just said 169 00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:53,052 that he's doing a citywide plastic straw ban. 170 00:06:53,087 --> 00:06:55,021 - What? - See for yourself. 171 00:06:55,055 --> 00:06:56,923 Less waste for local businesses. 172 00:06:56,957 --> 00:06:58,891 And it's the right thing to do for our turtle friends. 173 00:06:58,926 --> 00:07:00,193 It's a no-brainer. Yeah? 174 00:07:00,227 --> 00:07:01,728 But how will we drink iced coffee? 175 00:07:01,762 --> 00:07:03,296 Make popsicles. 176 00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:05,698 - How will people do cocaine? - Don't do cocaine. 177 00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:07,133 You'll go broke, and you'll get the runs. 178 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:09,902 God bless you! And God bless Los Angeles! 179 00:07:11,772 --> 00:07:13,806 My God, Daddy! How could you do this? 180 00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:16,042 - The straw ban is my thing! - Because... 181 00:07:16,076 --> 00:07:18,111 Because I care about things that you care... 182 00:07:18,145 --> 00:07:22,181 Remember, I cared about Pokémon when you loved Pokémon. 183 00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:23,383 Dad, how could you do this to me? 184 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:27,086 I mean, everything thinks I copied your straw ban idea. 185 00:07:27,121 --> 00:07:29,055 - You have to take yours back. - I can't do that. 186 00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:30,990 - Do you know what Veda said? - Who's Veda? 187 00:07:31,024 --> 00:07:32,925 She said that the straw ban was exactly the kind 188 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,927 of frivolous thing she would expect 189 00:07:34,962 --> 00:07:37,163 from a rich, white man's daughter. 190 00:07:37,197 --> 00:07:38,998 - Okay. - She called us rich! 191 00:07:39,032 --> 00:07:41,167 No, I'm rich. You're my plus-one. 192 00:07:41,201 --> 00:07:44,103 Look, you tell Veda that I was born in a walk-up 193 00:07:44,138 --> 00:07:45,505 in Crown Heights. 194 00:07:45,539 --> 00:07:48,274 I slept in one bed with both my grandfathers. 195 00:07:48,308 --> 00:07:51,043 And one of them had something called erotic dementia. 196 00:07:51,078 --> 00:07:53,746 I hate that story, and I hate that you're mayor. 197 00:07:53,781 --> 00:07:55,148 And I hate that we had to move 198 00:07:55,182 --> 00:07:57,817 into this gross, old mayor house! 199 00:07:57,851 --> 00:07:59,585 You think I like this house? 200 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,521 I can't figure out the AC. 201 00:08:01,555 --> 00:08:03,389 All my cigars are going bad. 202 00:08:06,627 --> 00:08:08,017 Oh! My watches. 203 00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:13,607 Hey, turn on the TV... 204 00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:15,371 Jeez, you guys look nice. 205 00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:17,754 A couple of ventriloquist dummies. 206 00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,734 Anyway, there's this thing on TV. 207 00:08:19,759 --> 00:08:21,293 I just thought you should check it out. 208 00:08:21,327 --> 00:08:22,476 It seems urgent. 209 00:08:22,539 --> 00:08:24,930 And I wanna say that this plastic straw ban 210 00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:26,999 is an affront to our entire community. 211 00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:28,734 - And I will never allow it. - What? 212 00:08:28,768 --> 00:08:30,435 Who is this? I hate her haircut. 213 00:08:30,461 --> 00:08:33,129 That's Arpi Meskimen, District 13 Councilwoman. 214 00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:35,207 She represents East Hollywood, Little Bangladesh, 215 00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:37,075 and the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. 216 00:08:37,110 --> 00:08:38,477 But she's super liberal. 217 00:08:38,511 --> 00:08:40,412 Why would she be against the straw ban? 218 00:08:40,446 --> 00:08:42,514 A ban on bendable plastic straws 219 00:08:42,548 --> 00:08:44,916 is blatant discrimination against quadriplegics 220 00:08:44,951 --> 00:08:47,719 or any Angeleno with limited use of their hands. 221 00:08:47,754 --> 00:08:49,254 - Oh. - It's an outrage. 222 00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,890 They call themselves quaddies, or chairdogs. 223 00:08:51,924 --> 00:08:53,091 No, we don't. 224 00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:55,494 Oh! I'm sorry. 225 00:08:55,528 --> 00:08:57,763 My nephew must have been pranking me. 226 00:08:57,797 --> 00:09:00,198 Mayor Bremer, 227 00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:02,668 memorize this face. 228 00:09:02,702 --> 00:09:05,771 Zoom in on me. 229 00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:09,307 Fine. I'll come to you. 230 00:09:09,342 --> 00:09:11,410 I've got your number, Bremer. 231 00:09:11,444 --> 00:09:13,245 Like underwear bought in a drugstore, 232 00:09:13,279 --> 00:09:15,213 you're not gonna last two months. 233 00:09:15,248 --> 00:09:18,283 Oh, this is not good, guys. 234 00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:20,218 Yeah, someone needs to tell the mayor. 235 00:09:20,253 --> 00:09:22,788 Yes, Jayden, and when you do that, 236 00:09:22,822 --> 00:09:24,489 emphasize how bad the optics are. 237 00:09:24,524 --> 00:09:26,358 It's day one, and this straw thing 238 00:09:26,392 --> 00:09:28,493 is not the hill you wanna die on, okay? 239 00:09:28,528 --> 00:09:31,029 - Wait, me go tell him? - Mm-hmm. 240 00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:32,664 I'm on it! 241 00:09:32,699 --> 00:09:35,133 I'll see you guys at the party. 242 00:09:35,168 --> 00:09:38,203 Hey, but not if you see me first. 243 00:09:38,237 --> 00:09:39,705 Ah. 244 00:09:39,739 --> 00:09:42,407 All right. 245 00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:45,977 Orly, come on, honey. 246 00:09:46,012 --> 00:09:48,080 Look, I know you thought it was a bathroom 247 00:09:48,114 --> 00:09:50,082 when you ran in there, but it's okay to admit 248 00:09:50,116 --> 00:09:52,284 that it's an empty closet. 249 00:09:52,318 --> 00:09:55,287 - Orly? - Hey, buddies! 250 00:09:55,321 --> 00:09:56,955 - Excuse me? - Sorry, I was gonna say buddy, 251 00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:58,323 and then, I realized that was not okay. 252 00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,058 And then, my brain was like, "Pluralize it?" 253 00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,526 And then, I was like, "No, that's insane." 254 00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:03,028 - Look, which one are you? - I'm Jayden Kwapis. 255 00:10:03,062 --> 00:10:04,396 Very warm hand. 256 00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,565 Aren't you a little old for the name Jayden? 257 00:10:06,599 --> 00:10:07,766 Thank you for noticing. 258 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,835 I'm actually one of the oldest Jaydens you'll ever meet. 259 00:10:09,869 --> 00:10:13,238 Born in 1981, I like to think I might be the original Jayden. 260 00:10:13,272 --> 00:10:15,140 It's sort of a combination. 261 00:10:15,174 --> 00:10:16,775 I'm named after my father, Jaime, 262 00:10:16,809 --> 00:10:18,143 and his best friend, Dennis. 263 00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:19,511 Yeah, Orly, your phone's out here, 264 00:10:19,545 --> 00:10:21,179 so I know you're gonna cave eventually. 265 00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:23,348 Stop controlling my narrative! 266 00:10:23,382 --> 00:10:26,551 Okay, Councilwoman Meskimen has the disabled community 267 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:28,787 pretty fired up over the straw ban. 268 00:10:28,821 --> 00:10:30,789 I hadn't thought of that. All right, all right. 269 00:10:30,823 --> 00:10:34,493 All right, uh, I will personally donate steel straws 270 00:10:34,527 --> 00:10:36,194 - to anyone who needs one, okay? - Great. 271 00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:38,497 Sweetheart, look. Look, look, honey. 272 00:10:38,531 --> 00:10:39,464 Who is this guy? 273 00:10:39,499 --> 00:10:42,300 And why is he wearing flip-flops with a suit? 274 00:10:42,335 --> 00:10:43,401 They're prescription. 275 00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:45,437 I have podiatric claustrophobia. 276 00:10:45,471 --> 00:10:47,539 Okay, Kwapis, look, just have somebody 277 00:10:47,573 --> 00:10:50,675 from the Environmental Council say how good the straw ban is. 278 00:10:50,710 --> 00:10:52,511 Yeah, it turns out those folks are upset too 279 00:10:52,545 --> 00:10:54,179 because choking on plastic straws 280 00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:55,647 is an unofficial cost-free way 281 00:10:55,681 --> 00:10:57,716 to control the coyote population. 282 00:10:57,750 --> 00:10:59,885 Without the straws, they think we're in trouble. 283 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,186 Coyote-wise. 284 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:04,189 You have to cancel this stupid straw ban. 285 00:11:04,223 --> 00:11:05,524 Your wife makes a great point, sir. 286 00:11:05,558 --> 00:11:07,766 - She's my teenage daughter, Kwapis. - Ew! 287 00:11:07,791 --> 00:11:10,896 I'm so sorry. It is very confusing in LA. 288 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:12,522 Let us suck! 289 00:11:12,565 --> 00:11:15,100 - Let us suck! Let us suck! - Oh, boy. 290 00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,002 Let us suck! 291 00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:19,304 Look at that sign. 292 00:11:19,338 --> 00:11:21,306 That's great. Okay, okay. 293 00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:22,440 All right. All right, all right. 294 00:11:22,475 --> 00:11:25,677 Hey, buddies! 295 00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:26,912 Boo? 296 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:28,513 Boo you! 297 00:11:28,548 --> 00:11:30,615 How do you like that, huh? Boo! 298 00:11:30,650 --> 00:11:32,684 I think you handled that perfectly, sir. 299 00:11:32,718 --> 00:11:35,187 I don't like being told I'm problematic, Tommy. 300 00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:36,421 Yeah, well, nobody does, 301 00:11:36,455 --> 00:11:37,923 but cancellation comes for us all. 302 00:11:37,957 --> 00:11:39,224 Mine was a joke tweet about 303 00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:41,059 how I wanted Drake to murder my vagina. 304 00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:43,461 I avoided all the mines in the mine field, 305 00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:46,164 and I'm still getting crucified. 306 00:11:46,199 --> 00:11:48,667 - Am I allowed to say crucified? - Of course. 307 00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,502 It was a different time one second ago. 308 00:11:50,536 --> 00:11:52,504 Uh, Arpi Meskimen is doubling down. 309 00:11:52,538 --> 00:11:54,172 She's now calling for the removal 310 00:11:54,207 --> 00:11:56,541 of certain "offensive city landmarks." 311 00:11:56,576 --> 00:11:59,177 Yeah, let me guess, there's a Reagan statue somewhere. 312 00:11:59,212 --> 00:12:00,912 - Close... - Bob's Big Boy. 313 00:12:00,947 --> 00:12:03,815 It whitewashes the labor force and gives me sexual nightmares. 314 00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:07,152 You got a lot of issues for day one, Councilwoman. 315 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:08,720 And I can keep them coming, Mr. Mayor. 316 00:12:08,754 --> 00:12:11,957 I wanna see your water bill during the 2017 drought. 317 00:12:11,991 --> 00:12:14,426 Charter schools, yay or nay? 318 00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:16,695 Did you post the black square on Instagram? 319 00:12:16,729 --> 00:12:18,330 Either way, how dare you. 320 00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:19,865 What's your beef with me, Arpi? 321 00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:20,866 No beef. 322 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:22,467 I'm a vegan. 323 00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:24,803 I just think there were better choices on the ballot. 324 00:12:24,837 --> 00:12:26,538 Really? Who? 325 00:12:26,572 --> 00:12:30,242 The libertarian porn star, or Gary Coleman's ghost? 326 00:12:30,276 --> 00:12:32,577 I'll have you know I watched Ms. Bazonga's films, 327 00:12:32,612 --> 00:12:34,913 and she seems like a real hard worker 328 00:12:34,947 --> 00:12:37,415 who knows how to multitask. 329 00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:39,417 I wish I could say the same about you. 330 00:12:39,452 --> 00:12:41,987 Come on, Arpi. 331 00:12:42,021 --> 00:12:44,289 We can find some common ground here. 332 00:12:44,323 --> 00:12:46,224 We're both the same age. 333 00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:47,893 I am 10 years younger than you. 334 00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:49,995 But I'm still perceived as a kooky, old woman, 335 00:12:50,029 --> 00:12:51,997 and you're still a sexually viable man. 336 00:12:52,031 --> 00:12:53,865 Thank you. 337 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,867 All right, here's something we have in common. 338 00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:58,169 We both got into this to serve the city. 339 00:12:58,204 --> 00:13:00,005 I've been serving the city for 30 years. 340 00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:03,475 You were floating in your pool full of champagne in Bel Air. 341 00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,644 - That would ruin the grout. - And you saw a sign. 342 00:13:05,678 --> 00:13:09,014 A magical sign that you were chosen to lead. 343 00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,482 That's not fair. 344 00:13:10,516 --> 00:13:13,151 You wanna know the real reason I ran for mayor? 345 00:13:13,185 --> 00:13:15,287 - I would love to. - I did it for Orly. 346 00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:16,955 The airport in France? 347 00:13:16,989 --> 00:13:18,823 No, my daughter. 348 00:13:18,858 --> 00:13:22,027 Who was conceived at the airport in France. 349 00:13:22,061 --> 00:13:24,763 Mayor Delgado's now believed to be in the back of this taxi 350 00:13:24,797 --> 00:13:27,299 and has requested the driver to quote, 351 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,434 "Drive him into the ocean." 352 00:13:29,468 --> 00:13:31,703 No, that's not laundry. That's my dad. 353 00:13:31,737 --> 00:13:34,439 No, he doesn't work. Not even on Zoom. 354 00:13:34,473 --> 00:13:36,207 No, he wasn't Me Too-ed. 355 00:13:36,242 --> 00:13:39,277 No, the salad dressing guy was Paul Newman. 356 00:13:39,312 --> 00:13:41,947 I don't know. Nothing? 357 00:13:41,981 --> 00:13:43,181 I love you, Dad! 358 00:13:43,215 --> 00:13:45,050 I'll help you turn off the TV later. 359 00:13:45,084 --> 00:13:49,020 Looks like Los Angeles is going to need a new mayor. 360 00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:52,557 She thinks I'm a useless, old man. 361 00:13:52,591 --> 00:13:54,059 Does that make you feel better? 362 00:13:54,093 --> 00:13:57,295 And I get it. Never seen me work. 363 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,064 Her mother died eight years ago, 364 00:13:59,098 --> 00:14:02,634 and when that happened, I decided to cash out and retire. 365 00:14:02,668 --> 00:14:05,236 I wanted to be around Orly as much as possible. 366 00:14:05,271 --> 00:14:06,438 - This is getting intense. - I know. 367 00:14:06,472 --> 00:14:07,806 I forgot we were even here. 368 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,241 But now, I have a chance to prove to her... 369 00:14:10,276 --> 00:14:13,878 to... to myself that I'm not done. 370 00:14:13,913 --> 00:14:15,246 Not yet. 371 00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:17,082 You ran for mayor to impress your daughter? 372 00:14:17,116 --> 00:14:20,385 What a fun present for a child. She must be over the moon. 373 00:14:20,419 --> 00:14:22,520 Yeah, actually, she's furious with me. 374 00:14:22,555 --> 00:14:25,490 Boy, you really don't know what you're doing. 375 00:14:25,524 --> 00:14:27,625 Not just at work, but at home. 376 00:14:27,660 --> 00:14:30,495 Excuse me, but I ran a billion-dollar company. 377 00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:31,963 I do know a few things. 378 00:14:31,998 --> 00:14:33,498 You need to learn how to listen, Whitey. 379 00:14:33,532 --> 00:14:35,834 - Whitey? - Your hair. 380 00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:38,870 When my constituents come to me pissed off, 381 00:14:38,904 --> 00:14:41,006 they don't wanna hear that they're wrong, 382 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:45,043 or have me explain that my intentions were good. 383 00:14:45,077 --> 00:14:47,045 They just wanna be heard. 384 00:14:47,079 --> 00:14:49,381 So what do I do? I listen. 385 00:14:49,415 --> 00:14:53,418 And I say, "Thank you for telling me that." 386 00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:55,553 That's what you should do with little Heathrow. 387 00:14:55,588 --> 00:14:57,422 All right, you messed that up on purpose. 388 00:14:57,456 --> 00:14:59,290 - We're done here. - Are you ready, Mr. Mayor? 389 00:14:59,325 --> 00:15:00,792 The children's choir's getting pretty deep 390 00:15:00,826 --> 00:15:02,427 into the Red Hot Chili Pepper's catalog. 391 00:15:02,461 --> 00:15:03,962 Oh, hi, you must be Mrs. Bremer. 392 00:15:03,996 --> 00:15:05,830 - You just saw her on TV... - He wishes! 393 00:15:08,499 --> 00:15:09,897 She's scary. 394 00:15:14,148 --> 00:15:16,788 - You missed a great party last night. - Mm-hmm. 395 00:15:19,832 --> 00:15:21,433 You know, Orly, 396 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,802 the first time I went into a bank to get a loan 397 00:15:23,836 --> 00:15:25,771 for my business, they turned me away. 398 00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:27,606 - And you know what I did? - You grew a mustache. 399 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,307 I grew a mustache. 400 00:15:29,342 --> 00:15:31,084 Got shoes and a shirt. 401 00:15:31,115 --> 00:15:32,516 Were you naked the first time? 402 00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:34,151 No, I was wearing jean shorts. 403 00:15:34,185 --> 00:15:35,619 It was the '70s. 404 00:15:35,653 --> 00:15:37,588 The point is, I kept going back in there 405 00:15:37,622 --> 00:15:41,124 until I was wearing a suit, and they gave me that loan. 406 00:15:41,159 --> 00:15:42,960 If you believe in something, 407 00:15:42,994 --> 00:15:45,195 don't give up, don't take no for an answer. 408 00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:47,664 Except for with sex. Now, that's different. 409 00:15:47,699 --> 00:15:49,399 We'll sidebar that. 410 00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:53,203 However, my advisors have convinced me 411 00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:54,204 to drop the straw ban, 412 00:15:54,238 --> 00:15:56,673 and I hope that makes things easier for you. 413 00:15:56,708 --> 00:15:58,041 Do whatever you want. 414 00:15:58,076 --> 00:15:59,743 After yesterday, I'm not gonna win, 415 00:15:59,777 --> 00:16:02,079 so I'm dropping out of the race. 416 00:16:07,852 --> 00:16:09,720 Thank you for telling me that. 417 00:16:12,690 --> 00:16:15,559 I mean, like, Veda was gonna win anyway. 418 00:16:15,593 --> 00:16:17,327 She's better than me at everything, 419 00:16:17,362 --> 00:16:19,930 so I just feel stupid now, and I give up. 420 00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:25,068 Thank you for telling me that. 421 00:16:25,103 --> 00:16:28,572 Is that all you're gonna say? 422 00:16:28,606 --> 00:16:30,941 Thank you for telling me that. 423 00:16:32,276 --> 00:16:35,979 Um, okay. 424 00:16:36,014 --> 00:16:37,180 Bye. 425 00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:47,090 So did you tell your dad you're quitting? 426 00:16:49,494 --> 00:16:51,061 Who said I'm quitting? 427 00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:56,900 I found my house! 428 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,301 Good for you. 429 00:16:58,336 --> 00:16:59,770 How are you doing today, Mr. Mayor? 430 00:16:59,804 --> 00:17:01,004 I've been better, Jayden. 431 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:02,773 When? I would love to see that. 432 00:17:02,807 --> 00:17:05,275 - Were you on a motorcycle? - What do you need? 433 00:17:05,309 --> 00:17:07,944 Well, Arpi Meskimen is pretty worked up 434 00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:10,180 about the whole coyote population explosion, 435 00:17:10,214 --> 00:17:12,182 but not in the way you might think. 436 00:17:12,216 --> 00:17:15,886 She thinks that the word coyote is "cultural appropriation," 437 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,388 and that we should be calling them "mini wolves." 438 00:17:18,423 --> 00:17:20,724 She also thinks we should pay for their birth control, 439 00:17:20,758 --> 00:17:22,292 so you're gonna get asked about that. 440 00:17:22,326 --> 00:17:24,828 We're backing down from the straw ban, 441 00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:27,097 so why is Meskimen still attacking me? 442 00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:29,266 Never feed a dog from the table. 443 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:31,034 They just keep coming back for more. 444 00:17:31,069 --> 00:17:33,770 That is why I only feed my turtle from my own mouth. 445 00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:36,707 - Sit down. - Oh, okay. 446 00:17:36,741 --> 00:17:39,042 You know, that wasn't me yesterday. 447 00:17:39,077 --> 00:17:41,645 When you give something, you should get something in return. 448 00:17:41,679 --> 00:17:42,846 And Arpi knows that. 449 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,815 She's been in government for 30 years. 450 00:17:44,849 --> 00:17:46,817 - Yeah. - So what is she up to? 451 00:17:46,851 --> 00:17:49,286 Gosh, what is she up to? Right? 452 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,021 You know, my mom always said 453 00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:53,190 that when people keep punching you and punching you, 454 00:17:53,224 --> 00:17:55,759 it's because they're jealous of your homemade pants. 455 00:17:55,793 --> 00:17:57,461 Arpi beat me because I don't even know 456 00:17:57,486 --> 00:17:58,681 what game we're playing. 457 00:17:58,706 --> 00:18:01,298 Pfft! She didn't beat you. She just tied you. 458 00:18:01,332 --> 00:18:02,833 It's one-one now. 459 00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:04,401 You know, because she tried to run for mayor, 460 00:18:04,435 --> 00:18:05,836 but you won mayor. 461 00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:07,070 What do you mean she tried? 462 00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:09,539 Before this, I used to work at the Board of Elections. 463 00:18:09,574 --> 00:18:10,574 She didn't have enough signatures 464 00:18:10,608 --> 00:18:12,709 to get on the ballot. She was pretty furious. 465 00:18:12,744 --> 00:18:14,177 And before that, I worked at a Jamba Juice, 466 00:18:14,212 --> 00:18:15,746 and people got mad there too. 467 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,115 - She wants to be mayor. - Great news, sir. 468 00:18:18,149 --> 00:18:19,516 I did a deep dive on Arpi Meskimen, 469 00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:20,563 and it turns out, she... 470 00:18:20,588 --> 00:18:22,774 Wanted to be mayor, but couldn't get on the ballot. 471 00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:26,490 Jayden already told me. Try to keep up with him. 472 00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:27,557 This is good. 473 00:18:27,592 --> 00:18:29,793 Now I know what I'm dealing with. 474 00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:32,229 - We're banning plastic straws. - But Meskimen... 475 00:18:32,263 --> 00:18:34,531 We'll give her something she wants even more. 476 00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:38,034 What? 477 00:18:38,069 --> 00:18:41,037 He's gonna let her be mayor. Try and keep up. 478 00:18:41,072 --> 00:18:42,873 Good morning. 479 00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:45,041 I came up here planning to quit. 480 00:18:45,076 --> 00:18:47,210 Regarding yesterday's policy announcement... 481 00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:49,079 But looking into the faces of people I respect 482 00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:51,548 and seeing the look in his eyes... their eyes, 483 00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:54,595 a lot of different eyes. Anyway, I realized... 484 00:18:54,697 --> 00:18:56,987 Nothing I do is gonna please everyone. 485 00:18:57,013 --> 00:18:58,580 And I'm not here to please people. 486 00:18:58,623 --> 00:18:59,856 I do what I think is right. 487 00:18:59,891 --> 00:19:01,725 The straw ban stands. 488 00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:02,893 And if you don't like it, 489 00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:05,495 you can suck it. 490 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:07,230 And not through a straw. 491 00:19:07,265 --> 00:19:10,967 I look forward to being your sophomore class president. 492 00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,408 However, I also know that it's my job 493 00:19:18,442 --> 00:19:21,611 to listen to all the voices in this great city, 494 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:25,407 so I'm pleased to announce that I've appointed one deputy mayor 495 00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:29,186 in charge of public outreach, opposition research, 496 00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:32,189 and mini wolf reproductive services. 497 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:33,857 You may now direct your questions 498 00:19:33,891 --> 00:19:36,560 to Deputy Mayor Arpi Meskimen. 499 00:19:41,065 --> 00:19:43,200 Thank you, Mayor Bremer. 500 00:19:43,234 --> 00:19:45,635 I hereby resign my seat on the City Council 501 00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:47,437 in order to accept this position. 502 00:19:47,471 --> 00:19:49,336 And I think it is admirable of the mayor 503 00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:52,830 to surround himself with people who dislike him so very much. 504 00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:54,725 Before I take your questions, 505 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,980 I really want you to think about if your question is dumb. 506 00:19:57,014 --> 00:19:58,481 Ms. Meskimen! Ms. Meskimen! 507 00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:00,897 - Yes, glasses, go. - I don't get it. 508 00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:02,819 Why would Meskimen give up a seat on the council 509 00:20:02,854 --> 00:20:03,987 to work under Neil? 510 00:20:04,013 --> 00:20:05,747 Because she thinks he'll implode, 511 00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:07,157 and then she'll be mayor, 512 00:20:07,191 --> 00:20:09,025 but he's not planning on giving her that chance. 513 00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:11,795 He used her own ambition against her. 514 00:20:11,829 --> 00:20:13,330 Pretty smart. 515 00:20:13,364 --> 00:20:15,665 All right. I'll give this a try. 516 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,100 Because of my love of the city. 517 00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:18,802 You just found out we get full health insurance? 518 00:20:18,836 --> 00:20:21,438 Yeah, I can finally break up with that gross doctor. 519 00:20:21,472 --> 00:20:23,306 Are we going forward with the straw ban? 520 00:20:23,341 --> 00:20:25,141 Yes. 521 00:20:25,176 --> 00:20:26,676 The mayor stands by his offer 522 00:20:26,711 --> 00:20:30,313 to provide angled, steel straws to those who need them. 523 00:20:30,348 --> 00:20:32,582 For all other parties, the city will provide 524 00:20:32,617 --> 00:20:34,551 a free educational video 525 00:20:34,585 --> 00:20:36,920 demonstrating how to tilt fluid out of a cup 526 00:20:36,954 --> 00:20:38,421 and suck it in with your mouth. 527 00:20:38,456 --> 00:20:41,892 You will find it at LAtiltandsuck.org/mouth. 528 00:20:41,926 --> 00:20:43,460 Next dumb question. 529 00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:53,236 So, I saw your press conference. 530 00:20:53,271 --> 00:20:55,705 Look, honey, I'm sorry if it makes your life harder. 531 00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:57,007 I really am, but... 532 00:20:57,041 --> 00:20:59,242 You don't give up. I get it. 533 00:20:59,277 --> 00:21:02,946 Also, I have to be at school early tomorrow. 534 00:21:02,980 --> 00:21:07,384 'Cause I'm kind of class president, so... 535 00:21:11,856 --> 00:21:14,491 Thank you for telling me that. 536 00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:16,893 I've got homework. 537 00:21:16,928 --> 00:21:19,686 - Love you. - Love you. 538 00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:28,571 Wait. 539 00:21:28,606 --> 00:21:30,388 We're hosting the Olympics? 540 00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:35,446 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com