1
00:00:00,657 --> 00:00:02,016
I'm embracing this.

2
00:00:02,062 --> 00:00:03,054
How do you mean?

3
00:00:03,110 --> 00:00:06,844
My shoot dates have changed
again, and location.

4
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:08,324
What, no South Africa?

5
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,170
- No, Italy now.
- Still nice.

6
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:14,039
So, I'm embracing the fact
that I have no control over events,

7
00:00:14,077 --> 00:00:15,940
and I am going to welcome

8
00:00:16,158 --> 00:00:19,009
the role that chaos needs
to play in my life.

9
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:20,960
Right, how are you doing that?

10
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,435
The game is happening,

11
00:00:24,505 --> 00:00:27,288
but it's being played far away,

12
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:28,840
by unknowable strangers.

13
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,308
Out of sight,

14
00:00:30,636 --> 00:00:31,807
out of mind.

15
00:00:32,459 --> 00:00:33,826
We should quit.

16
00:00:34,553 --> 00:00:35,563
What?

17
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:36,999
It's a young man's game, isn't it?

18
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,399
I'm only 50!

19
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,759
We could do other things.

20
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,348
You have zero discernible
skills, beyond pretending.

21
00:00:43,473 --> 00:00:45,112
Is there something else
you were going to do,

22
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,346
if you hadn't ended up doing this?

23
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:47,703
I was going to be a footballer.

24
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,683
- I was!
- Yeah.

25
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,959
Yeah, I could have been
a minister of the church.

26
00:00:53,999 --> 00:00:56,039
Yeah? No, no problem with the cassock?

27
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,639
Not having kilted!

28
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,985
Of course!

29
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,359
When one has welcomed the breeze
to dust one's lower branches,

30
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,127
there's... there's no going back.

31
00:01:04,152 --> 00:01:07,228
No, well, you need to do something
to keep the flies off your haggis.

32
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,399
Exactly, yeah.

33
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,439
The priest and the footballer.

34
00:01:11,464 --> 00:01:13,184
Yeah. You might struggle
a bit, at first.

35
00:01:14,348 --> 00:01:15,590
Why?

36
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,159
Well, you know, you're not in...

37
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,381
you're not, you don't,
you're not in the...

38
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,271
..absolute kind of...

39
00:01:23,643 --> 00:01:26,642
optimum state of physical peak.

40
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,799
Oh! I will have you know,

41
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,999
I'm a fucking paragon
of human fitness, mate!

42
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,359
- Are you?
- What about you?

43
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:36,880
You would need a total
espiritual overhaul.

44
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,440
Has this ever happened to you before?

45
00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:41,376
- Once.
- You got recast?

46
00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,879
- I did.
- Who by?

47
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,716
- Don't want to say.
- But you know?

48
00:01:44,741 --> 00:01:45,888
- I know.
- Well, come on.

49
00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:47,176
- No, can't.
- Why not?

50
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,110
Because I am doing something about it.

51
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,640
- What?
- Can you keep a secret?

52
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:55,370
Evidently.

53
00:01:55,473 --> 00:01:58,042
I am befriending him,

54
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,759
slowly and methodically,

55
00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:03,977
engineering ways for
us to work together,

56
00:02:04,071 --> 00:02:07,742
insinuating my way into his life,

57
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,609
the better to exact my slow...

58
00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:16,160
and decisive revenge.

59
00:02:17,654 --> 00:02:19,964
www.subtitulamos.tv

60
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,578
- Hi! Nina! Hello!
- Hello!

61
00:02:22,603 --> 00:02:23,392
Hi!

62
00:02:23,556 --> 00:02:25,288
Oh, God, it's lovely to see you.

63
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,439
Oh, it's lovely to see you, too!

64
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,719
Ah, this is exciting!

65
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,124
It's really exciting.

66
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,440
- More Staged!
- More Staged!

67
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,385
Oh, my word! How have you been?

68
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,999
Yeah, good, I think.

69
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,239
Yeah, great. And you?

70
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,279
I'm fine. Strange, you know?

71
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,601
Yeah, I suppose it is!

72
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,020
- I was offered a play.
- Oh, great!

73
00:02:45,109 --> 00:02:47,788
And then, yeah, we weren't
allowed to do the play.

74
00:02:47,821 --> 00:02:48,954
- Right.
- It's difficult.

75
00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:50,449
- Sure. No, I understand.
- Yeah,

76
00:02:50,492 --> 00:02:53,663
and I feel like, sometimes, you
know, I want to kill someone.

77
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,599
- But I won't.
- No, best not.

78
00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:57,679
No.

79
00:02:58,530 --> 00:03:00,327
Cos I should have been an astronaut.

80
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,480
- Was that not an option?
- No.

81
00:03:04,971 --> 00:03:06,090
How are you?

82
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,879
- Good.
- Actually, where are you?

83
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,599
Oh, er, ha-ha!

84
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:10,840
I'm in Los Angeles.

85
00:03:12,002 --> 00:03:13,481
Er, what are you doing there?

86
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:14,719
Getting ready to film.

87
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,320
Oh, exciting! What?

88
00:03:17,343 --> 00:03:18,515
What have you been told?

89
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,799
Well, erm, actually, not much.

90
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,439
"Doing more Staged." - Uh-huh.

91
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,079
"They want you for Jo again."

92
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,399
Er, "Can you talk to Simon?"

93
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,839
Well, OK, so there's a couple of things

94
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,239
that you should have been told that
it seems you haven't been told.

95
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,110
And what are they?

96
00:03:30,148 --> 00:03:32,527
Er, well, so, it's not a sequel,

97
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,919
- it's a sort of remake...
- Oh, OK.

98
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,600
for the American market,

99
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,549
and the most crucial thing,

100
00:03:39,581 --> 00:03:42,809
and I'm sort of a bit sorry that I've
got to be the one to tell you this,

101
00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:46,191
but we're going to be doing
it without David,

102
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,200
or, and, Michael.

103
00:03:50,244 --> 00:03:51,298
Why?

104
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:56,134
So the producers don't think that
they are quite big enough names

105
00:03:56,181 --> 00:03:58,679
for the American market.

106
00:03:58,680 --> 00:03:59,884
But I am?

107
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,114
Well, you're not the lead. That's...

108
00:04:02,483 --> 00:04:03,568
True!

109
00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:06,258
That is not quite what I sort of
meant, I sort of meant, well,

110
00:04:06,283 --> 00:04:07,313
you sort of are the lead...

111
00:04:07,376 --> 00:04:08,884
But you've managed to
keep yourself involved?

112
00:04:08,912 --> 00:04:11,363
Well, yeah, cos I sort
of created it last time,

113
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,759
and sort of directed that
sort of version of it, so...

114
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:14,959
You'll be directing this time?

115
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,182
- No, no, I'm not.
- Why not?

116
00:04:17,222 --> 00:04:19,535
Because people don't think
I actually did anything...

117
00:04:20,049 --> 00:04:21,046
last time.

118
00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:23,941
I mean, I thought David and Michael
improvised most of it, didn't they?

119
00:04:23,988 --> 00:04:25,559
No, no, no, they didn't, did they?

120
00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:26,587
They didn't do that.

121
00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:27,757
They didn't improvise it, did they?

122
00:04:27,788 --> 00:04:29,439
I wrote it, didn't I? I
typed the whole thing.

123
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,925
Look, I've got pieces of blue card,

124
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,919
I wrote... I write the thing, and
then I put them on the wall,

125
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,548
and then I write, write,
write, write, write,

126
00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:37,835
and we don't say that they wrote it,
or improvised it, cos they didn't.

127
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,880
We don't say that, did they?
Cos they didn't.

128
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,006
Do David and Michael know?

129
00:04:45,196 --> 00:04:46,236
Wow.

130
00:04:53,744 --> 00:04:55,423
Ah, shit!

131
00:04:55,473 --> 00:04:57,084
Can you move this suitcase?

132
00:04:57,138 --> 00:04:58,439
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

133
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,554
Cos I don't think the hallway should
be used as an obstacle course.

134
00:05:00,579 --> 00:05:02,138
No, I've just been
feeding the goldfish.

135
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,584
- We never got another one.
- No, you didn't.

136
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,516
- We had two and now we've got one.
- Agreed.

137
00:05:06,568 --> 00:05:07,847
That's how death works.

138
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:08,959
And maths.

139
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,759
I'm worried that the one
that's left behind's

140
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:12,777
- getting a wee bit depressed.
- Oh, I don't have time for this.

141
00:05:12,802 --> 00:05:14,584
- What do you mean? - Well, it's just
I sense that you were segueing into

142
00:05:14,609 --> 00:05:16,818
some tangent about short-term
memory, and I just don't...

143
00:05:16,895 --> 00:05:18,998
- I haven't got time to play.
- You love my tangents!

144
00:05:19,062 --> 00:05:21,551
Yeah, sure, it's just
that Lister's coming.

145
00:05:21,679 --> 00:05:22,663
- Today?
- Yeah.

146
00:05:22,718 --> 00:05:25,045
- What, right now?
- Yeah, for a charity thing.

147
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,959
- Like, in the flesh, like, Zoom
doesn't cut it any more? - Yeah.

148
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,931
- Normality beckons, babe.
- Is that safe?

149
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:32,842
Yeah, I think so, I mean, we
stay a certain distance apart,

150
00:05:32,913 --> 00:05:34,123
and use our own mugs

151
00:05:34,224 --> 00:05:36,559
and don't stick our hands in the
cookie jar at the same time,

152
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,359
and, oh, also, more importantly,

153
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,496
we don't crack our heads open by
tripping over your fucking suitcase.

154
00:05:41,538 --> 00:05:44,097
- Yeah. I'll move it.
- Yeah, that'd be great, thank you.

155
00:05:44,129 --> 00:05:45,444
What would you have done,

156
00:05:45,697 --> 00:05:46,978
if you weren't doing this?

157
00:05:48,777 --> 00:05:50,763
- What is it you think I do?
- Come on.

158
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,397
What's the, what's the dream?

159
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,093
Erm...

160
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,868
..archaeologist.

161
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,372
- I never knew that.
- Oh, God, I've done it again!

162
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:02,077
- What? - You've sucked me in,
you're like a black hole!

163
00:06:02,102 --> 00:06:03,319
Don't be mean to me!

164
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,479
Oh, look, Michael is your
procrastination buddy,

165
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,079
and I am your wife, and
I've got stuff to do,

166
00:06:07,104 --> 00:06:09,543
and you really need to not
be here when that happens.

167
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:12,812
I've just got a lot of stuff
to process, and feelings...

168
00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:15,210
Yeah, it's just the rest of us just
have to get on with it, but whatever.

169
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,358
I'm just a bit worried
that the goldfish that's left behind

170
00:06:17,424 --> 00:06:20,179
would do anything to have its little
buddy to play round the castle with.

171
00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:21,496
OK,

172
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,919
I think that the goldfish left behind

173
00:06:24,185 --> 00:06:26,503
forgot about the other
goldfish within seconds.

174
00:06:29,654 --> 00:06:30,950
Who is it?

175
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,220
It's Nina.

176
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,799
Oh! Hi, Nina!

177
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,079
Hi, Nina.

178
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:37,518
He'll be with us in a couple of minutes.

179
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:38,974
OK. Good.

180
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:44,041
All right?

181
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,639
It's everyone else.

182
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:46,759
I understand.

183
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,119
Adrian, Nina, Lucy...

184
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:50,443
- Sam?
- Yeah.

185
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:52,000
- Dame Judy?
- Of course.

186
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,440
- And Simon.
- And Simon, yeah.

187
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,480
Anna...

188
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,294
thinks that we should...

189
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,365
should try and stay calm with him.

190
00:07:04,212 --> 00:07:05,485
Why?

191
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,832
Because he's on one side of the line

192
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,225
- and we're, we're on the other.
- Michael,

193
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,668
we drew the fucking line!

194
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,611
I know. Anna said it better. Anna?

195
00:07:14,736 --> 00:07:18,301
- Yeah?
- What was that Viking saying?

196
00:07:18,467 --> 00:07:19,660
What?

197
00:07:19,976 --> 00:07:21,455
You know, the Viking phrase.

198
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,168
The Viking phrase?

199
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,513
Oh, the...

200
00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:27,858
the thrall alone takes
instant vengeance.

201
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,479
What the fuck does that mean?

202
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,548
Yeah, what does that mean?

203
00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:33,179
Actions are too often ruled by emotions.

204
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,072
That seems a little bit hypocritical
coming from the Vikings.

205
00:07:37,105 --> 00:07:38,637
Yeah, what she's saying,

206
00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:40,559
we should remain civil.

207
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,935
Fuck that!

208
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,360
- Burn your bridges.
- No, we won't, we won't.

209
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,773
We won't.

210
00:07:46,764 --> 00:07:48,241
It's the only way

211
00:07:48,350 --> 00:07:51,327
to get close enough to
do some real damage.

212
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,339
What would the Vikings recommend?

213
00:07:54,401 --> 00:07:56,001
Something with an axe.

214
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:06,256
Right, OK, now, remember
the Vikings, OK?

215
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,570
Just, calm...

216
00:08:07,628 --> 00:08:08,847
just...

217
00:08:08,896 --> 00:08:09,900
calm...

218
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,944
Yeah, embrace chaos.

219
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:13,135
- I'm going to be fine.
- Great.

220
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:15,679
I'm going to be really calm and nice.

221
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,999
OK, here we go.

222
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,239
Just deep breaths, deep...

223
00:08:18,270 --> 00:08:20,990
Oh! So that's where you've
been hiding, you cunt!

224
00:08:25,865 --> 00:08:28,024
I said, that's where you've been
hiding, you fucking cu...

225
00:08:28,057 --> 00:08:29,915
He can't hear you... he can't hear you.

226
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,522
- Thank fuck...
- OK.

227
00:08:31,561 --> 00:08:33,941
he can't hear you.
OK, David, please...

228
00:08:34,002 --> 00:08:36,281
Even just seeing
his punchable little face,

229
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,679
I'm finding it very hard.

230
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,039
I know, I know, I know.

231
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,279
You know he's a twat,
I know he's a twat...

232
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,319
but let's just pretend
that this conversation...

233
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,599
- It's all right, take your time, Simon.
- Yeah...

234
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:46,807
Yeah, no, don't worry.

235
00:08:46,832 --> 00:08:48,193
Oh, we've got all the time
in the world!

236
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:50,123
- Just, just...
- Oh, it's so nice to see you, Simon!

237
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:52,667
just, please, just, let's
just give it a try.

238
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,439
- I'm on my best behaviour.
- OK. Thank you.

239
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,043
- Hi, sorry!
- Hey! Hey! - Hi!

240
00:08:58,222 --> 00:08:59,919
- Simon!-
- Hey! Sorry about that.

241
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,559
- All of fucking this.
- How are you, mate?

242
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,359
Yeah, no, good. Sorry. Yeah.
Michael. Hello. Hi.

243
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,118
David. Goodness.

244
00:09:06,608 --> 00:09:08,487
Long time, no see. How are you?

245
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,599
Yeah, Nina phoned me.

246
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,639
Right, OK, right.

247
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,799
But, well, let's just have a
little catch-up first, shall we?

248
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,492
- Yeah, that'd be lovely.
- How are you?

249
00:09:15,523 --> 00:09:17,594
Good. I mean, hey, look,
I'm in Los Angeles!

250
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:19,767
It's... So, it's happening.

251
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,775
Staged America?

252
00:09:21,833 --> 00:09:23,009
Yep, looks like it.

253
00:09:23,072 --> 00:09:25,191
That it is exciting.

254
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,959
Yeah, it really is, and,
look, I know I owe you guys

255
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,305
a lot of thanks for that...

256
00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:32,920
I know we haven't really had a
chance to talk about it all, but...

257
00:09:32,984 --> 00:09:34,303
No, don't be silly.

258
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:35,998
Well, it's been mad.

259
00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,884
Yes, I bet. So,

260
00:09:37,964 --> 00:09:40,176
what, lots of new opportunities?

261
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,920
I've been run off my feet.
There's just so much work to do!

262
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,766
I couldn't have imagined any of this.

263
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,480
No, well, you couldn't have imagined
anything at all without us, could you?

264
00:09:51,564 --> 00:09:53,197
Er, what, I...

265
00:09:53,346 --> 00:09:55,145
What David means,

266
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,844
I-I think,

267
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,921
is that we feel,

268
00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,367
you know, quite a lot of love,

269
00:10:02,952 --> 00:10:05,198
even ownership,

270
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,639
of the project, too.

271
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,069
- Yeah, I mean, I did write it.
- See, now,

272
00:10:10,225 --> 00:10:13,270
David is going to get
a wee bit ticked off

273
00:10:13,301 --> 00:10:15,063
with that kind of

274
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,749
territorial attitude, Simon.

275
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,099
He thinks

276
00:10:19,490 --> 00:10:23,135
that we both brought a
lot to the project, too.

277
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,799
We thought we were a team.

278
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:25,739
Oh, me too.

279
00:10:25,782 --> 00:10:27,866
So we were a little bit hurt

280
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,440
when we heard that we weren't needed.

281
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,343
- Of course.
- But we got past that,

282
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,960
but then,

283
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,509
- when we heard from Nina...
- Yeah.

284
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:41,079
My friend Nina, Nina, who...
My friend Nina called me up.

285
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,828
that literally every other
member of the cast...

286
00:10:44,883 --> 00:10:46,665
- Every other member.
- was coming back

287
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:48,472
- except us...
- Yeah.

288
00:10:48,585 --> 00:10:49,600
Yes.

289
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,310
I mean, even you...

290
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:53,696
managed to hold on to your role.

291
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,836
- Well, I am Simon.
- Oh, well, who am I, then?

292
00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,279
Fucking Spartacus?

293
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,315
But you're... you're not an actor.

294
00:11:00,378 --> 00:11:01,897
No, but I... but I wrote it.

295
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,079
Ah!

296
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,532
- David, David, Vikings! Vikings,
David! Vikings! - Vikings?

297
00:11:05,557 --> 00:11:07,039
I could have been a movie star!

298
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:07,997
OK, OK.

299
00:11:08,025 --> 00:11:09,904
OK, well, let's... let's just...

300
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,903
Let's just talk about
something else for a minute.

301
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,546
OK? Let's just shake it up.

302
00:11:13,601 --> 00:11:14,799
Erm...

303
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,057
Simon! What were you going
to be when you were young?

304
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,116
- A director.
- No, I meant...

305
00:11:20,155 --> 00:11:22,513
I meant if that didn't work out.

306
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,079
I wanted to be a magician.

307
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,054
Whoa! David!

308
00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:30,184
David's trying to learn some tricks.

309
00:11:30,371 --> 00:11:32,079
- Great!
- Were you, were you any good?

310
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,919
I was, actually. I was very good!

311
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,617
Yeah? What's that card?

312
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:37,955
The seven of diamonds.

313
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,428
Oh, fuck you!

314
00:11:39,475 --> 00:11:43,019
All right, all right. Is
there anything we can do

315
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,560
to help you, Simon?

316
00:11:46,524 --> 00:11:47,963
- Excuse me?
- Help.

317
00:11:48,034 --> 00:11:49,135
No.

318
00:11:49,268 --> 00:11:50,479
No, I don't think so.

319
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,199
No, no, it's not a trick. It's...

320
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,559
We... We just want to help.

321
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,556
We-just... What can we do?
What can we do?

322
00:11:56,713 --> 00:11:57,913
Come on.

323
00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,289
What can we do?

324
00:11:59,337 --> 00:12:01,296
I wouldn't say this
if you hadn't just...

325
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:05,376
Two of the actors that we're
considering for David and...

326
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,500
and Michael, they've
actually reached out,

327
00:12:07,524 --> 00:12:09,749
to see if you might
make some time to...

328
00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:12,873
- talk to them.
- About what?

329
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,000
Just to offer some thoughts on your...

330
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:17,736
experience making the show.

331
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,287
We would...

332
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,406
be very...

333
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:23,834
happy to.

334
00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:26,201
- Really?
- We're all on the same side.

335
00:12:26,237 --> 00:12:27,499
Well, then I'll...

336
00:12:27,796 --> 00:12:29,208
- I'll set it up.
- Great.

337
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,639
- I really appreciate it.
- No, no, thank you.

338
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,559
That's what we needed,

339
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,239
just to, you know... A
little bit of collaboration.

340
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,926
Hey, maybe you could...

341
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,889
give a couple of notes
on the roles, too.

342
00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:41,263
Fuck you!

343
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,026
I mean, I will put an
axe into your face,

344
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,864
and I will nail your skull
onto the mast of my Viking longship

345
00:12:47,953 --> 00:12:50,632
before I give any actor
another bunch of notes

346
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,439
about how to play David Tennant,

347
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,954
you fucking patronising mollusc!

348
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,969
I think we should just let our
agents talk from here, shouldn't we?

349
00:12:58,016 --> 00:12:59,560
Don't you fucking...!

350
00:13:03,006 --> 00:13:04,467
I didn't even know he had an agent!

351
00:13:04,506 --> 00:13:06,356
Seven of fucking diamonds!

352
00:13:06,739 --> 00:13:08,258
Unbelievable.

353
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,674
I called Simon back and apologised.

354
00:13:18,722 --> 00:13:20,466
- OK, well done.
- Told him

355
00:13:20,598 --> 00:13:23,137
we'd speak to those
other actors tomorrow.

356
00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:24,958
Oh, Jesus. OK.

357
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,019
Why do you think we have never
made each other this angry?

358
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,586
Well, because we have a scintilla
of respect for each other.

359
00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:34,184
- Yes.
- Yeah.

360
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,862
Cos we started out as colleagues,
and then we became friends...

361
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,795
And then great friends.

362
00:13:38,842 --> 00:13:41,073
- Would you say I'm your best friend?
- No.

363
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,385
- No?
- No, I don't mean it like that.

364
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,035
No, no, no, no. Fine. I just...

365
00:13:45,096 --> 00:13:47,473
You know, I thought you might take a
bit longer to think about it, but...

366
00:13:47,504 --> 00:13:48,983
No, but, well, am I yours?

367
00:13:49,065 --> 00:13:50,496
- No.
- Well, there we are.

368
00:13:50,535 --> 00:13:52,494
- No, you might have been.
- If what?

369
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,320
If you'd said I was yours.

370
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,935
I've got an older friend.

371
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,439
- I'm old.
- No, I, I mean...

372
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:59,769
I've got a friend who
I've known for longer.

373
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:00,980
He lives in New York.

374
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,080
OK.

375
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,480
Yeah, I had a friend, once.

376
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,039
Who?

377
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,407
No, I don't see him.

378
00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:11,618
And you're not friends any more?

379
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:12,800
No.

380
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,161
So, when you go out to New York,
you're going to see him, are you?

381
00:14:18,186 --> 00:14:20,128
Well, that's why I'm going.
He's getting married.

382
00:14:20,153 --> 00:14:21,814
Oh, well, that's lovely for him.

383
00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:23,239
Well, I'm... I'm the best man.

384
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,704
It was supposed to happen
earlier this year, but...

385
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,312
But it all... Yeah.

386
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,445
So, you know,

387
00:14:28,555 --> 00:14:30,693
it'll be nice to be there.

388
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,680
- Well, it'll be nice to be anywhere.
- Yeah.

389
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,988
Anna hasn't been to Sweden in ages.

390
00:14:38,035 --> 00:14:40,235
She's really missing her family.

391
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,101
Well, I'm sure she is, yeah.

392
00:14:45,981 --> 00:14:47,061
Hey!

393
00:14:48,776 --> 00:14:50,265
Erm...

394
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,766
Four of diamonds.

395
00:14:53,441 --> 00:14:55,061
Oh!

396
00:14:55,564 --> 00:14:56,603
We should quit.

397
00:14:56,651 --> 00:14:59,049
Magic is harder than it looks.

398
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,679
Oh, God, I hate magic.

399
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,510
Oh, maybe we could ask Simon for help.

400
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,000
Ah-hmmm!

401
00:15:04,232 --> 00:15:08,298
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