1
00:00:05,035 --> 00:00:06,563
Michael?

2
00:00:07,899 --> 00:00:09,627
- Michael?
- David!

3
00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:12,408
- You all right?
- Give me a minute.

4
00:00:12,459 --> 00:00:13,641
What are you doing now?

5
00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:16,418
I worry that I'm in a Hitchcock film.

6
00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:20,732
- What do you mean?
- The birds are coming back

7
00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:22,667
to Port Talbot.

8
00:00:22,709 --> 00:00:23,908
That's nice.

9
00:00:24,088 --> 00:00:27,540
And a large blue finch
is the leader, it seems.

10
00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:28,610
You all right?

11
00:00:30,658 --> 00:00:32,490
Just adjusting. You all right?

12
00:00:32,813 --> 00:00:35,392
_

13
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,721
- Cachu hwch!
- Cachu hwch!

14
00:00:38,824 --> 00:00:41,607
- Cachu hwch! Cachu hwch!
- Cachu hwch! - Cachu hwch!

15
00:00:41,632 --> 00:00:44,596
Total bloomin' disaster.

16
00:00:45,596 --> 00:00:49,093
For those of you just joining us,
welcome to my house.

17
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:50,879
Welcome to my kitchen.

18
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,801
I've been in prison
here for half a year.

19
00:00:52,818 --> 00:00:54,008
I'm done with Zoom,

20
00:00:54,246 --> 00:00:56,068
if I'm being honest with
you, but I'm here now

21
00:00:56,113 --> 00:00:57,828
with two people
who actually made it work,

22
00:00:57,853 --> 00:00:59,412
Michael Sheen and David Tennant.

23
00:00:59,596 --> 00:01:02,115
Or should that be David Tennant
and Michael Sheen?

24
00:01:02,166 --> 00:01:02,913
Ah!

25
00:01:02,942 --> 00:01:06,976
This is Romesh Ranganathan's
Six Months In Lockdown,

26
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:09,055
a celebration of the wonderful things

27
00:01:09,082 --> 00:01:11,561
that have basically got us through
this challenging period.

28
00:01:11,694 --> 00:01:15,333
Michael and David are here to talk
to us about their BBC show, Staged.

29
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,156
- Thank you for having us.
- Lovely to be here.

30
00:01:17,184 --> 00:01:19,982
And still with us, of course,
Sir Michael Palin,

31
00:01:20,032 --> 00:01:23,774
who waited for Godot in an online
reading of the Beckett classic.

32
00:01:23,837 --> 00:01:26,608
I meant to ask, Sir Michael,
did Godot ever arrive?

33
00:01:26,721 --> 00:01:27,700
No, no.

34
00:01:27,742 --> 00:01:28,889
We're still waiting.

35
00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:31,166
OK, well, while you wait,

36
00:01:31,218 --> 00:01:34,553
David and Michael, massive
congratulations on the show.

37
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,287
- I know I have to say that,
contractually, - Thank you.

38
00:01:36,321 --> 00:01:38,003
but genuinely, I mean it. Very funny.

39
00:01:38,049 --> 00:01:39,026
Thanks very much. Cheers.

40
00:01:39,068 --> 00:01:41,726
First question, I guess, is

41
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,350
what's real and what's not?

42
00:01:43,408 --> 00:01:45,567
Like, is Simon that much of an idiot?

43
00:01:45,827 --> 00:01:46,833
N-Nooo...

44
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,496
Noooo...

45
00:01:48,552 --> 00:01:50,176
Michael does shout at birds.

46
00:01:50,237 --> 00:01:52,804
Well, I have a bird's nest for hair,

47
00:01:52,829 --> 00:01:54,213
so it helps to be courteous.

48
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:55,820
But it was a television show.

49
00:01:55,845 --> 00:01:58,173
It was a television show. Yes.

50
00:01:58,214 --> 00:02:01,813
- So, I mean, does Simon's
sister own that house? - No.

51
00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:03,768
So what - no screenplay, no novel?

52
00:02:03,793 --> 00:02:05,582
No carrots, no pineapples. None of it.

53
00:02:05,607 --> 00:02:08,286
- It did feel real.
- Well, thank you very much.

54
00:02:08,343 --> 00:02:10,359
How much of it was actually improvised?

55
00:02:10,392 --> 00:02:13,923
- All of it.
- Well, that... does come up a lot.

56
00:02:14,045 --> 00:02:16,871
- Was there actually a script, then?
- There were...

57
00:02:17,019 --> 00:02:19,537
ideas. And then, you know, we would

58
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,110
play around with it quite a lot.

59
00:02:21,156 --> 00:02:23,275
Not... not everything made it
into the cut, though.

60
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,695
No, there are hours of footage
somewhere,

61
00:02:25,733 --> 00:02:27,625
of us not being particularly funny.

62
00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:31,045
So what gold did we lose
to the cutting-room floor?

63
00:02:31,097 --> 00:02:34,652
Well, there was one moment where,
quite memorably,

64
00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:38,606
David accused me of being
a cut-price Mike Yarwood.

65
00:02:39,867 --> 00:02:41,107
Is that funny?

66
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,159
Well, no.

67
00:02:43,346 --> 00:02:45,888
I don't think I actually
know who Mike Yarwood is.

68
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:49,107
- Ah! You see? I told you, didn't I?
I told you. - I don't believe you.

69
00:02:49,153 --> 00:02:52,051
I don't believe... He's...
He's a comedy titan!

70
00:02:52,101 --> 00:02:54,449
So, Romesh,
most of David's contributions

71
00:02:54,494 --> 00:02:58,009
were based on these
sort of bizarre, obscure references.

72
00:02:58,097 --> 00:02:59,222
Yeah. Well, that's why they're cut.

73
00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:01,704
I'm a little too
intellectual for primetime.

74
00:03:01,801 --> 00:03:04,000
- And not funny.
- Well, at least I didn't resort to

75
00:03:04,025 --> 00:03:05,624
lazy Muppet impressions, did I?

76
00:03:05,649 --> 00:03:09,141
There was nothing lazy about my Muppet!

77
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,781
I was exhausted at the end of that!

78
00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:13,363
Do you know who Mike
Yarwood is, Sir Michael?

79
00:03:13,411 --> 00:03:15,551
Yeah, I actually know Mike Yarwood.

80
00:03:17,553 --> 00:03:20,644
Really? I didn't realise
he was still, er... working.

81
00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:23,200
- Well, let's have another clip.
- Right.

82
00:03:23,298 --> 00:03:25,018
- Great.
- Lovely.

83
00:03:27,753 --> 00:03:29,432
- And we are off
- OK.

84
00:03:29,511 --> 00:03:32,590
- Which one is it?
- It's, er, cookie jar.

85
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,198
Mmm. We've seen them all
quite a lot now.

86
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,399
I'm sure. I mean, I imagine
Sir Michael's a step ahead there.

87
00:03:38,431 --> 00:03:40,755
- Yes!
- Sir Michael, how many dead parrots

88
00:03:40,781 --> 00:03:42,303
do you reckon you've seen in your time?

89
00:03:42,351 --> 00:03:43,646
Oh, a few!

90
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,590
What is the collective noun
for dead parrots?

91
00:03:46,615 --> 00:03:47,917
A Norwegian blue.

92
00:03:47,964 --> 00:03:49,515
A sunken fjord!

93
00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:50,991
- A macaw.
- Er, Sir Michael,

94
00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:53,775
any ideas, collective noun
for dead parrots?

95
00:03:53,954 --> 00:03:55,392
A humiliation?

96
00:03:57,542 --> 00:03:59,740
- Have you seen Staged, Sir Michael?
- Yeah.

97
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:01,922
- Yeah, I watched a couple.
- Have you? Which ones?

98
00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:03,706
- The first one.
- Did you like it?

99
00:04:03,731 --> 00:04:06,145
- Loved it. - Yeah!
- Thank goodness for that.

100
00:04:06,476 --> 00:04:08,156
For what it was, you know.

101
00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:11,384
And we're back.

102
00:04:13,048 --> 00:04:16,320
That was BBC One's
lockdown comedy Staged.

103
00:04:16,362 --> 00:04:17,724
David and Michael,

104
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,835
you said the story is fictional,

105
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,398
but what about your characters?

106
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:24,315
- Total fabrication.
- Nothing like us at all.

107
00:04:24,381 --> 00:04:26,186
Not... Not a scintilla.

108
00:04:26,245 --> 00:04:28,131
No, I mean, I don't think we're
very funny in real life.

109
00:04:28,156 --> 00:04:29,601
Well, I don't think you're funny.
I'm funny.

110
00:04:29,656 --> 00:04:31,744
Sure, obviously. I just
mean, we're not...

111
00:04:31,791 --> 00:04:33,124
we're not comedians.

112
00:04:33,170 --> 00:04:34,434
Ah, you're still young.

113
00:04:34,632 --> 00:04:35,624
Yeah...

114
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,051
And what's next for you guys?

115
00:04:37,114 --> 00:04:38,896
I'm back to proper work, actually.

116
00:04:38,921 --> 00:04:42,828
A show that I was working on before
lockdown, is revving back up

117
00:04:42,853 --> 00:04:44,769
- so I'm off out to South Africa.
- Very nice.

118
00:04:44,794 --> 00:04:45,925
We've had a couple of false starts,

119
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:48,841
but I think this is finally it
and I am flying tomorrow.

120
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:51,964
- Great. And Michael?
- I don't do proper work any more.

121
00:04:51,989 --> 00:04:55,388
So I'm off to New York
to see family and friends.

122
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,959
Right. Travel allowing, I imagine.

123
00:04:57,012 --> 00:04:58,340
Oh, no, it'll be fine.

124
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,261
- I believe. It will be fine.
- Yeah, of course. Of course.

125
00:05:01,309 --> 00:05:04,552
Sir Michael, do you reckon you would
have done Staged if they'd asked you?

126
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,086
Oh, no, I couldn't have kept up!

127
00:05:08,335 --> 00:05:10,171
No improvisation in Monty Python?

128
00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:11,794
No, we were quite disciplined.

129
00:05:12,123 --> 00:05:14,055
That wasn't the Staged approach.

130
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:14,884
No!

131
00:05:16,005 --> 00:05:19,424
Although, I mean, I do think some quite
brave stuff has come out of that more

132
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,444
- sort of improvisatory approach.
- Do you?

133
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:27,456
Er, Michael, David, we've got
another clip, but first,

134
00:05:27,496 --> 00:05:28,924
one more question.

135
00:05:29,036 --> 00:05:30,677
Er, I think you know
what I'm going to ask.

136
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,608
Er, any chance of another series?

137
00:05:32,753 --> 00:05:36,537
I mean, it was so specific
to that moment, wasn't it?

138
00:05:36,563 --> 00:05:38,979
- Yeah. - It was so about
being locked in your house and...

139
00:05:39,010 --> 00:05:41,004
I mean, hopefully we're not going
to go in to another lockdown,

140
00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:42,369
- Well, exactly.
- But...

141
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:46,008
- But having said that, if there
was a way of doing it... - Yeah.

142
00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:48,367
- for me, it would definitely be a yes.
- I mean, it was a joy to do.

143
00:05:48,392 --> 00:05:50,466
- It was such good fun, yeah.
- OK.

144
00:05:50,491 --> 00:05:53,596
So I'm going to take that
as a really waffley yes.

145
00:05:53,822 --> 00:05:55,292
Yeah, I suppose so.

146
00:05:55,317 --> 00:05:58,247
It's a great big Welsh
waffley yes from me.

147
00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:01,909
Well, on that, here's a clip of some
other strange and wonderful things

148
00:06:01,948 --> 00:06:03,759
people have made through all of this.

149
00:06:06,186 --> 00:06:09,047
OK, we're out.
This one's a little bit longer,

150
00:06:09,072 --> 00:06:10,694
so I'm just going to nip
to the toilet, guys, all right?

151
00:06:10,754 --> 00:06:12,794
- Sure.
- Great stuff. See you in a sec.

152
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:15,991
I hope you don't think I was

153
00:06:16,986 --> 00:06:19,170
dismissing the Python approach.

154
00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:21,223
Oh, God, no. No, not at all.

155
00:06:21,317 --> 00:06:24,419
Good. Because, I mean, it was so
important to me when I was growing up.

156
00:06:24,447 --> 00:06:26,567
I'm such a fan.

157
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,403
I didn't really like Staged.

158
00:06:30,744 --> 00:06:33,309
- OK.
- I don't really like improvisation.

159
00:06:33,318 --> 00:06:35,887
All these people
sort of rolling the comedy dice

160
00:06:35,931 --> 00:06:38,042
and hoping something sticks.

161
00:06:38,185 --> 00:06:39,468
Right. No, I understand.

162
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,094
We worked hard in our day.

163
00:06:42,257 --> 00:06:43,883
Waking up before I went to bed.

164
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:44,758
Yeah, yeah.

165
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:46,930
One of Eric's great lines.

166
00:06:48,103 --> 00:06:49,506
Er, I think we...

167
00:06:50,187 --> 00:06:53,186
It's not that we didn't...
We worked hard too.

168
00:06:53,218 --> 00:06:54,633
I'm sure you did.

169
00:06:54,737 --> 00:06:57,193
You squatted down, you pushed very hard

170
00:06:57,243 --> 00:06:59,082
and you squeezed something out.

171
00:06:59,255 --> 00:07:01,969
Well, I mean, people do like it.

172
00:07:01,994 --> 00:07:03,137
Fuck you...

173
00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:07,448
Now this well-practised,
self-congratulatory back and forth

174
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,171
because people want to celebrate
your used toilet paper again.

175
00:07:11,196 --> 00:07:13,282
I'm... I'm a fan of yours.

176
00:07:13,357 --> 00:07:16,236
It was like a 30-minute
Celtic reach-around.

177
00:07:16,315 --> 00:07:17,834
- Whoa!
- No, David...

178
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,730
The episodes are only 15 minutes.

179
00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:22,391
- All right?
- Yep. - Yep.

180
00:07:22,471 --> 00:07:24,963
- Fine.
- Cool. We've got about another minute.

181
00:07:25,005 --> 00:07:26,704
Okay. We'll be ready!

182
00:07:26,744 --> 00:07:28,173
Wicked. All right, see you in a sec.

183
00:07:28,222 --> 00:07:29,682
I think you're being a bit unkind,
actually.

184
00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:31,558
We made Python 50 years ago.

185
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:33,586
Yeah, and it's a bit dated.

186
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:36,029
- Oh, David!
- They still talk about us now.

187
00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:37,847
- I know.
- But they won't talk about you.

188
00:07:37,886 --> 00:07:39,841
- Why not?
- Because you're not funny.

189
00:07:41,157 --> 00:07:43,257
Oh, God. Sorry about that, guys.

190
00:07:44,219 --> 00:07:46,459
David, Michael, all PR aside,

191
00:07:46,494 --> 00:07:48,130
are you going to do a second
series, do you reckon?

192
00:07:48,155 --> 00:07:50,127
- Unlikely. No.
- Wouldn't have thought so.

193
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:51,438
Honestly? Why not?

194
00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:53,262
Well, we're not funny, are we?

195
00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:55,196
That's a shame.

196
00:07:55,935 --> 00:07:56,993
And we're back.

197
00:07:57,119 --> 00:08:01,049
www.subtitulamos.tv

198
00:08:02,311 --> 00:08:03,591
What's going on?

199
00:08:05,643 --> 00:08:07,162
Yeah, I've got a suitcase here.

200
00:08:07,608 --> 00:08:09,703
- This is... interesting.
- Yes.

201
00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:11,778
Is interesting.

202
00:08:11,897 --> 00:08:13,849
But OK, let me just get...

203
00:08:13,936 --> 00:08:15,519
Just so I understand, it's not...

204
00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:18,524
We're not talking about a second series,
we're talking about a remake?

205
00:08:18,588 --> 00:08:21,749
- For American television.
- American Staged?

206
00:08:21,776 --> 00:08:24,538
But isn't it a bit... unnecessary?

207
00:08:24,744 --> 00:08:27,344
Why don't they just show
the episodes we've already made?

208
00:08:28,326 --> 00:08:30,125
When do we need to decide?

209
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,696
When do they need an answer?

210
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,674
I'm flying to New York tomorrow.

211
00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:36,237
Yeah, I'm literally about to leave
for the airport.

212
00:08:41,757 --> 00:08:44,157
- I'll need to talk to Michael.
- I'll need to talk to David.

213
00:08:47,185 --> 00:08:49,915
_

214
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,762
- I have news.
- Yep, me too.

215
00:08:52,957 --> 00:08:54,886
- What's your news?
- What's your news?

216
00:08:55,366 --> 00:08:57,966
- You're not pregnant, are you?
- What? No!

217
00:08:58,235 --> 00:09:00,376
I mean, it's not
an unreasonable question.

218
00:09:00,401 --> 00:09:01,773
What's your news?

219
00:09:01,865 --> 00:09:06,104
They want to do an
American remake of Staged.

220
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,416
What's your news?

221
00:09:08,535 --> 00:09:10,736
The flights to South Africa
have been cancelled.

222
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,580
- Oh, you're kidding.
- No.

223
00:09:12,637 --> 00:09:15,796
- Oh, cock-a-doodle-bum-tits. Not again!
- Yeah.

224
00:09:15,906 --> 00:09:17,305
What's the plan?

225
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,119
Er, watch this space.

226
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,704
- I fucking hate this space.
- I know.

227
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:25,280
- I just want to work.
- I know.

228
00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:27,588
Do you think I'm funny?

229
00:09:29,042 --> 00:09:32,458
I think you do and say funny things.

230
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,416
That is wilfully opaque.

231
00:09:37,223 --> 00:09:39,503
I just wanted to do new things.

232
00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,352
Have you spoken to Michael?

233
00:09:44,865 --> 00:09:45,856
No.

234
00:09:47,669 --> 00:09:49,706
All right, so pros and cons.

235
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,800
Yeah, pros... I really want to work.

236
00:09:52,886 --> 00:09:55,558
Con... Michael Palin
doesn't think we're funny.

237
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,747
- Can we ask another Python?
- Which one?

238
00:09:57,826 --> 00:09:59,318
Eric Idle? He seems nice.

239
00:09:59,364 --> 00:10:01,844
- Michael Palin seemed nice!
- Yeah.

240
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,343
I like the landscape of America.

241
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,290
Mmm. Me too.

242
00:10:08,454 --> 00:10:10,745
Always really fancied myself
in a cowboy film.

243
00:10:11,701 --> 00:10:12,665
Oh-ho-ho, yes.

244
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:14,745
What would your horse be called?

245
00:10:15,024 --> 00:10:16,019
Sheen.

246
00:10:16,044 --> 00:10:16,988
Aww!

247
00:10:17,773 --> 00:10:19,933
- Oh, hey, Anna!
- Hi, David.

248
00:10:21,509 --> 00:10:23,068
Aren't you supposed to be flying?

249
00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:26,024
- Oh, not today.
- Oh, no.

250
00:10:26,119 --> 00:10:28,606
- You ready for New York?
- Yeah, just packing. But...

251
00:10:30,106 --> 00:10:33,532
..can you talk to Michael
about his legs?

252
00:10:33,587 --> 00:10:35,309
I would love to.

253
00:10:35,349 --> 00:10:36,832
He says they're too chunky.

254
00:10:36,912 --> 00:10:37,991
Chunky!

255
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:41,690
- So he refuses to pack shorts.
- I see. Right.

256
00:10:41,715 --> 00:10:42,874
Do you wear shorts?

257
00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:44,461
Almost exclusively.

258
00:10:46,273 --> 00:10:47,737
Do you think I'm funny?

259
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:49,889
- What, in shorts?
- No!

260
00:10:49,938 --> 00:10:51,697
Am I a funny person?

261
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,459
Yeah.

262
00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:57,574
- Michael, come on.
- No.

263
00:10:57,608 --> 00:10:58,869
- Wear shorts.
- No.

264
00:10:58,963 --> 00:10:59,963
Why not?

265
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:02,559
They make my crotch...

266
00:11:04,088 --> 00:11:05,848
..too free.

267
00:11:09,674 --> 00:11:11,948
Oh, fuck it,
shall we just go to America?

268
00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:14,611
- Yeah? - Yeah. I mean, I
do and say funny things,

269
00:11:14,636 --> 00:11:16,704
you have comedically chunky legs.
That's enough.

270
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:19,341
- We are funny.
- Oh, we're fucking hilarious.

271
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:22,679
- Back to work!
- Staged: America!

272
00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:24,411
Staged: America!

273
00:11:24,436 --> 00:11:25,633
Come on, Sheen!

274
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,544
Er, no. Hey, no...

275
00:11:27,665 --> 00:11:30,590
I'm going to ride you
all the way to America, boy!

276
00:11:30,627 --> 00:11:32,826
You are not riding me anywhere, matey!

277
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,897
Saddle up, Sheeny!

278
00:11:34,929 --> 00:11:38,128
I have put the last saddle
on my back for you, mate.

279
00:11:38,153 --> 00:11:41,535
I love it. We made a thing.
Let's go to America and do it again.

280
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:42,562
Yeah. And do you know what?

281
00:11:42,611 --> 00:11:45,687
One day, we will bump into
Michael Palin at some

282
00:11:45,715 --> 00:11:48,200
glitzy fancy-dress party and he
will say,

283
00:11:48,239 --> 00:11:50,115
"I utterly misjudged you,

284
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:51,498
you clown gods."

285
00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:52,991
Yes! We'll be invaluable again!

286
00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,035
Because you know what?

287
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:56,630
You and I are masters of our destinies.

288
00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:58,880
- Kings of the hills!
- Tops of the morning!

289
00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:00,561
- Docks of the bay!
- Yes!

290
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:02,227
They're going to fucking love us!

291
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,683
They don't want you.

292
00:12:04,786 --> 00:12:05,865
What?

293
00:12:06,061 --> 00:12:07,500
Either of you.

294
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:08,620
Right.

295
00:12:08,805 --> 00:12:10,564
Now, they love the show,

296
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,983
but they're going to recast
for the American market.

297
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,999
That is, er, bad news.

298
00:12:17,024 --> 00:12:19,228
- Oh, I know.
- When did you know this?

299
00:12:19,268 --> 00:12:20,764
Well, the email just arrived.

300
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,569
S-so who is doing it, then?

301
00:12:24,632 --> 00:12:26,589
- Well, it's only rumours.
- Who?

302
00:12:26,614 --> 00:12:28,293
Colin Firth and Hugh Grant.

303
00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:30,969
Colin Firth...

304
00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:33,186
and Hugh Grant?!

305
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:35,360
- That's just what I'm hearing.
- They're not American!

306
00:12:35,385 --> 00:12:37,847
- Doesn't matter.
- They're more British than we are!

307
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,819
Yes, but they're known in America.

308
00:12:39,844 --> 00:12:41,323
I'm known in America!

309
00:12:41,348 --> 00:12:42,414
They're known better.

310
00:12:42,524 --> 00:12:45,079
What... What else does the email say?

311
00:12:45,133 --> 00:12:48,961
It says they have a lot
of respect for you both,

312
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,543
and they want leads with
more US recognition,

313
00:12:52,586 --> 00:12:55,783
and a pair who are more believable
as friends.

314
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:57,445
Sorry?! We are actually friends!

315
00:12:57,499 --> 00:12:59,165
Yes, but nobody's buying it.

316
00:12:59,218 --> 00:13:02,165
And they also want people
with more comedic experience.

317
00:13:02,228 --> 00:13:03,479
- I'm funny.
- I know.

318
00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,745
I mean, Colin Firth is not funny

319
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,208
I'm fu... Knock, knock.

320
00:13:07,236 --> 00:13:09,059
You're still on as executive producer.

321
00:13:09,101 --> 00:13:10,972
- Knock, knock!
- With Simon.

322
00:13:13,117 --> 00:13:15,677
- Simon.
- Yes, he's still involved!

323
00:13:16,776 --> 00:13:18,157
Doing what?!

324
00:13:18,182 --> 00:13:19,653
Rewrites!

325
00:13:19,851 --> 00:13:22,456
Listen, I didn't think you were
in a rush to get back to work.

326
00:13:22,481 --> 00:13:26,470
I'm not! It's just David
got me all excited about this.

327
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,754
I thought you were David.

328
00:13:30,122 --> 00:13:31,642
No, I'm Michael.

329
00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:39,058
Hugh Grant.

330
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,719
OK, choose a card.

331
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:43,943
People don't think we're
believable as friends!

332
00:13:43,998 --> 00:13:45,073
I know. I heard.

333
00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:47,745
The Palin thing hurt,
but that is a gut punch.

334
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:49,292
Why... Why is that?

335
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,829
I suppose they've only ever heard us

336
00:13:50,854 --> 00:13:52,462
speak other people's lines,
haven't they?

337
00:13:52,497 --> 00:13:54,895
Anna keeps telling me
I'm dropping into character.

338
00:13:54,947 --> 00:13:56,060
Yes!

339
00:13:56,278 --> 00:13:58,490
Georgia says exactly the same
to me about me!

340
00:13:58,618 --> 00:14:00,513
- Right, yeah.
- I keep having to say to her... No...

341
00:14:00,545 --> 00:14:01,745
- That's who I am!

342
00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:02,955
- That's me!
- Exactly!

343
00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:05,792
You can't say I'm dropping into
character when I'm the character!

344
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:08,625
Say something now. Say something
that's authentically you.

345
00:14:13,158 --> 00:14:15,557
My flights to New York are cancelled.

346
00:14:15,706 --> 00:14:17,684
Oh, the world starts, the world stops.

347
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:19,032
It's arbitrary, isn't it?

348
00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:23,792
"As flies to wanton boys
are we to the gods."

349
00:14:23,825 --> 00:14:25,733
- Can we not?
- Quite right.

350
00:14:25,768 --> 00:14:26,768
OK.

351
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,008
Yeah, got it?

352
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:29,674
OK, hold it up. I don't want to see it,

353
00:14:29,716 --> 00:14:32,114
but hold it up, back facing to me.

354
00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:40,714
We're going to be like this
for a while yet, aren't we?

355
00:14:40,745 --> 00:14:41,716
How do you mean?

356
00:14:42,239 --> 00:14:43,723
Staring at a screen.

357
00:14:45,033 --> 00:14:47,415
- Hoping for a miracle.
- Oh, yeah.

358
00:14:47,468 --> 00:14:49,115
Maybe we could start a magic act.

359
00:14:49,653 --> 00:14:51,921
The amazing Michael Sheen

360
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:54,733
and the Scottish David Tennant.

361
00:14:54,797 --> 00:14:56,266
- Three of diamonds.
- No.

362
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,040
Fuck. Four of diamonds.

363
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:00,007
That was close, it was
the two of diamonds.

364
00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:02,062
Oh, you see? I was so close!

365
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,733
Close enough for jazz.
Not close enough for magic.

366
00:15:05,068 --> 00:15:10,070
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