1
00:00:01,287 --> 00:00:03,745
Family. It's a simple word,

2
00:00:03,793 --> 00:00:05,959
but it means a ton of different things.

3
00:00:05,961 --> 00:00:08,495
To me, it's about the
connections that we pass down

4
00:00:08,497 --> 00:00:10,430
from generation to generation.

5
00:00:12,067 --> 00:00:14,267
- Do you like my family tree?
- I love it.

6
00:00:14,269 --> 00:00:17,204
Though, maybe swap out the
picture of me eating fries.

7
00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:19,005
I have a waffle one, but you have syrup

8
00:00:19,007 --> 00:00:20,040
all over your chin.

9
00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:22,075
Fries it is.

10
00:00:22,077 --> 00:00:23,477
Okay, so, uh, what other information

11
00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:25,011
- do you need?
- My teacher gave us

12
00:00:25,013 --> 00:00:27,147
a bunch of questions. Question one:

13
00:00:27,149 --> 00:00:30,350
Describe the very first time you saw me.

14
00:00:30,352 --> 00:00:33,653
She's crowning. I can see the head.

15
00:00:35,824 --> 00:00:38,525
It was the single greatest
moment of my entire life.

16
00:00:40,596 --> 00:00:43,864
To me, family are the people
you share everything with.

17
00:00:45,901 --> 00:00:48,969
Hey, sorry I'm late, Dad.
My meeting ran long.

18
00:00:48,971 --> 00:00:50,670
Really? A little early for a meeting,

19
00:00:50,672 --> 00:00:52,606
- isn't it?
- I meant traffic was long

20
00:00:52,608 --> 00:00:55,242
and bad. It's bad and long.

21
00:00:55,244 --> 00:00:57,144
Where's Eleanor?

22
00:00:57,146 --> 00:00:58,879
You do know you've never been
very good at lying to me?

23
00:00:58,881 --> 00:01:01,314
Your neck scratching gives you away.

24
00:01:01,316 --> 00:01:03,316
Your hair's pulled back. You look tired.

25
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,621
You were with a guy last night.

26
00:01:07,623 --> 00:01:09,923
This is not a breakfast
with your father.

27
00:01:09,925 --> 00:01:11,958
It's a breakfast of shame.

28
00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:15,929
It wasn't just some guy.

29
00:01:15,931 --> 00:01:17,564
His name is Duane,

30
00:01:17,566 --> 00:01:19,466
and we've been seeing
each other for two months.

31
00:01:19,468 --> 00:01:20,767
You've been seeing
someone for two months

32
00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:22,636
and didn't tell me?

33
00:01:22,638 --> 00:01:24,371
I didn't tell you because
you hate everyone I date.

34
00:01:24,373 --> 00:01:27,174
Oh, please. That is not true.

35
00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,910
What kind of name is Duane, anyway?

36
00:01:29,912 --> 00:01:32,112
To me, family is...

37
00:01:33,148 --> 00:01:35,015
Well, I guess
I'm still figuring that one out.

38
00:01:35,017 --> 00:01:36,950
Mmm, Mom. This chicken is,

39
00:01:36,952 --> 00:01:38,985
without a doubt,
the best of your career.

40
00:01:38,987 --> 00:01:40,365
Thank you, sweetheart.

41
00:01:40,389 --> 00:01:42,189
I thought this was meatloaf.

42
00:01:42,191 --> 00:01:43,169
Oh, and I have to say

43
00:01:43,225 --> 00:01:45,225
your hair has been
looking especially bouncy.

44
00:01:45,227 --> 00:01:46,693
Okay, what do you want?

45
00:01:46,695 --> 00:01:48,228
Darryl invited me to go to Joshua Tree

46
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:49,896
to check out a meteor
shower with his family.

47
00:01:49,898 --> 00:01:51,765
- Darryl?
- He means One-Nut.

48
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:53,667
- Oh.
- What would his parents say

49
00:01:53,669 --> 00:01:55,268
if they knew people called him that?

50
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:56,803
Oh, they call him that, too.

51
00:01:56,805 --> 00:01:58,471
So, can I go? It's next Saturday.

52
00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:00,574
Sorry, buddy. No can do.

53
00:02:00,576 --> 00:02:03,743
We are hosting our family
reunion that night.

54
00:02:03,745 --> 00:02:05,812
What? Mom...

55
00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,714
I'm sorry, sweetie,
but you need to be here.

56
00:02:07,716 --> 00:02:08,814
It's a big deal.

57
00:02:08,884 --> 00:02:11,284
We finally get to meet the
rest of our new family.

58
00:02:11,286 --> 00:02:13,420
New cousins, aunts, uncles,

59
00:02:13,422 --> 00:02:16,389
all with very specific
soft drink preferences.

60
00:02:16,391 --> 00:02:19,426
We are an R.C. Cola family
through and through.

61
00:02:19,428 --> 00:02:21,561
But I've really been looking
forward to this meteor shower.

62
00:02:21,563 --> 00:02:24,264
So you lose one day nerding
out on all the stars.

63
00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:26,766
You still have 364 others.

64
00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:28,568
Actually, this is a leap year.

65
00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:32,239
Well, how do you like that?
You get your day back.

66
00:02:40,882 --> 00:02:42,649
I know you probably
think I'm being ironic,

67
00:02:42,651 --> 00:02:44,517
but these are my new MC Hammer pants.

68
00:02:44,519 --> 00:02:46,419
And you cannot touch them.

69
00:02:46,421 --> 00:02:48,188
You know what else I can't touch?

70
00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,723
Darryl's awesome new
telescope that'll be aimed

71
00:02:49,725 --> 00:02:51,992
- at the meteor shower.
- Wow.

72
00:02:51,994 --> 00:02:55,095
You are really working that
into some conversations today.

73
00:02:55,097 --> 00:02:57,297
Well, it used to be when
I wanted to do something,

74
00:02:57,299 --> 00:02:58,965
I just had to check with my mom.

75
00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:00,533
Then it was you and Ron, and now there's

76
00:03:00,535 --> 00:03:01,968
aunts and uncles I have to worry about?

77
00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:03,570
I'm sorry, little bro.

78
00:03:03,572 --> 00:03:06,006
But these family reunions
are actually pretty fun.

79
00:03:06,008 --> 00:03:07,607
Hanging around with a bunch of strangers

80
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:08,975
all day does not sound like fun.

81
00:03:08,977 --> 00:03:10,543
Just follow these simple rules,

82
00:03:10,545 --> 00:03:12,279
and I promise it will be.

83
00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:15,015
Rule number one:
don't stand too close to Uncle Ned.

84
00:03:15,017 --> 00:03:18,018
His breath smells like an onion
and a cigarette had a baby.

85
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,953
Rule number two: make sure

86
00:03:19,955 --> 00:03:21,855
you don't get caught
talking horse racing

87
00:03:21,857 --> 00:03:23,290
- with Cousin Mark.
- I don't know anything

88
00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,025
- about horse racing.
- No one does,

89
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:26,359
but that won't stop him.

90
00:03:26,361 --> 00:03:29,663
And finally, watch out for Aunt Renee.

91
00:03:29,665 --> 00:03:31,398
How will I know who she is?

92
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,932
She'll be the lady with a
moustache who kisses you

93
00:03:32,934 --> 00:03:34,701
- on the lips.
- Great.

94
00:03:34,703 --> 00:03:35,835
- So you're gonna be the...
- Stop.

95
00:03:35,837 --> 00:03:36,970
Hammer time.

96
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:41,174
Describe the very first time you saw me.

97
00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:43,410
It was at the hospital.
The day you were born.

98
00:03:43,412 --> 00:03:46,279
I was holding you, while a nurse wrapped

99
00:03:46,281 --> 00:03:47,647
Daddy's sprained wrist.

100
00:03:47,649 --> 00:03:49,249
You were a very cute baby.

101
00:03:49,251 --> 00:03:51,451
Once they got all the goop off.

102
00:03:51,453 --> 00:03:52,986
You had a full head of hair,

103
00:03:52,988 --> 00:03:55,388
like the world's cutest dust mop.

104
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:56,416
Really?

105
00:03:56,459 --> 00:03:58,925
Did Daddy have a full head
of hair when he was born?

106
00:03:58,927 --> 00:04:02,395
Don't know,
didn't meet him until he was 14.

107
00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:04,864
You didn't meet Daddy till he was 14?

108
00:04:07,069 --> 00:04:08,668
There's my special guy.

109
00:04:08,670 --> 00:04:10,503
Stopped on the way and
got you a milkshake.

110
00:04:10,505 --> 00:04:11,547
Thank you.

111
00:04:12,207 --> 00:04:14,541
Your hair looks great.
Are you using a new product?

112
00:04:14,543 --> 00:04:15,742
Oh, what did you do, Mom?

113
00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:16,776
While we were watching Abby,

114
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:19,212
it may have come out that
Ron is actually your stepdad.

115
00:04:19,708 --> 00:04:20,836
- I see.
- I thought she already knew.

116
00:04:20,917 --> 00:04:22,570
- I'm sorry.
- No, Mom, it's fine.

117
00:04:22,618 --> 00:04:24,020
It's not like I was keeping it from her.

118
00:04:24,086 --> 00:04:26,252
I just didn't tell her yet.

119
00:04:26,254 --> 00:04:27,554
Kind of the way I'm
dealing with the whole

120
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:29,055
"where do babies come from" thing.

121
00:04:29,057 --> 00:04:30,724
Mm. What are you going with so far?

122
00:04:30,726 --> 00:04:32,056
Baby store?

123
00:04:33,528 --> 00:04:37,263
Look, I get why you never told
Abby about your biological father.

124
00:04:37,265 --> 00:04:38,998
It's not like he was
ever a part of your life.

125
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,135
Exactly. I mean,
the guy left before my first birthday.

126
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,537
Honestly, I never even think
about him anymore.

127
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:45,939
It's why I never brought it up to Abby.

128
00:04:45,941 --> 00:04:47,874
Yeah. He was the worst.

129
00:04:47,876 --> 00:04:50,176
And the only good thing to
come out of that relationship

130
00:04:50,178 --> 00:04:51,611
was you.

131
00:04:51,613 --> 00:04:52,979
Thanks, Mom.

132
00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:54,647
I also kept his fondue set.

133
00:04:54,649 --> 00:04:55,782
Remember, it was the '70s.

134
00:04:55,784 --> 00:04:57,250
So, he felt that pain.

135
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,487
Abby, you're being ridiculous.

136
00:05:00,489 --> 00:05:02,288
I have not hated all your boyfriends.

137
00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:04,224
Well, you certainly haven't liked them.

138
00:05:04,226 --> 00:05:05,692
Really? Name one boyfriend

139
00:05:05,694 --> 00:05:07,627
I haven't liked.

140
00:05:07,629 --> 00:05:09,195
Pinky ring.

141
00:05:10,799 --> 00:05:13,700
Side of cauliflower.

142
00:05:13,702 --> 00:05:15,468
This is Henry. He's from Florida.

143
00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:17,837
Nope.

144
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:19,272
That was the past.

145
00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:23,176
Post-heart attack Dad, very chill.

146
00:05:23,178 --> 00:05:26,045
Let me prove it to you by
fixing you both dinner.

147
00:05:26,047 --> 00:05:29,582
I would, but he just left
town for at least the next...

148
00:05:29,584 --> 00:05:31,451
- Scratching your neck.
- Damn it, Dad.

149
00:05:31,453 --> 00:05:33,987
Come on. I'll be on my best behavior.

150
00:05:33,989 --> 00:05:36,456
- You promise?
- I promise.

151
00:05:36,458 --> 00:05:38,258
He's not one of those guys
who always brags about

152
00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:40,360
being able to solve
a Rubik's Cube, now, is he?

153
00:05:40,362 --> 00:05:42,028
That was my fifth-grade boyfriend,

154
00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:43,196
and we dated for one week.

155
00:05:43,198 --> 00:05:45,031
Trevor.

156
00:05:46,935 --> 00:05:48,735
All right, Alex. Just do a lap,

157
00:05:48,737 --> 00:05:51,037
make yourself seen,
and then go hide in your room

158
00:05:51,039 --> 00:05:51,871
until it's over.

159
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,876
You're just adorable.
You must be fighting

160
00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,545
the girls off with a stick.

161
00:05:58,547 --> 00:05:59,913
Thanks.

162
00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:01,381
One word for you, young man.

163
00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:03,049
Newspapers.

164
00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:06,085
There'll always be a job in newspapers.

165
00:06:06,087 --> 00:06:07,687
Huh?

166
00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:09,656
Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Aunt Renee.

167
00:06:09,658 --> 00:06:11,090
- Mustache.
- Oh!

168
00:06:12,661 --> 00:06:14,093
How great is this?

169
00:06:14,095 --> 00:06:15,862
Not as great as a meteor shower.

170
00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:18,198
He can really work it in.

171
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,301
Sweetie,
I know you're disappointed, but...

172
00:06:21,303 --> 00:06:24,003
What is that smell?
It's like an onion...

173
00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:25,438
Had a baby with a cigarette?

174
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:26,873
Oh, my God, yes.

175
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,575
Hi, Uncle Ned.

176
00:06:28,577 --> 00:06:31,444
So, what are you two
doing for the talent show?

177
00:06:31,446 --> 00:06:33,513
- What talent show?
- We always make new members

178
00:06:33,515 --> 00:06:35,682
of the family perform a
talent in front of everyone.

179
00:06:35,684 --> 00:06:37,717
Our way of welcoming them into the fold.

180
00:06:37,719 --> 00:06:38,785
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.

181
00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,121
I, uh, I didn't know this was happening.

182
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:43,690
Of course not.
Putting the newbies on the spot

183
00:06:43,692 --> 00:06:44,847
is all part of the fun.

184
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:49,629
Mom, do we have to do this?

185
00:06:49,631 --> 00:06:51,464
Come on, it'll be fun.

186
00:06:51,466 --> 00:06:54,033
Ooh, I know. I'll do my Krav Maga.

187
00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,768
Let me go get changed.

188
00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:58,771
I'm telling you,
he could be a dungaree model.

189
00:07:02,744 --> 00:07:04,110
Hey, great news.

190
00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:05,578
I just heard from Frankel Industries.

191
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:06,913
They want us to come in and pitch.

192
00:07:06,915 --> 00:07:09,082
Oh, that's too bad.

193
00:07:10,452 --> 00:07:12,151
I also ran into Michael Jordan, who said

194
00:07:12,153 --> 00:07:13,753
that he's looking for
a full-time inventor

195
00:07:13,755 --> 00:07:15,188
to hang out with.

196
00:07:15,190 --> 00:07:16,623
Well, I'm sure you can handle that.

197
00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:17,557
Okay, what's wrong with you, man?

198
00:07:17,559 --> 00:07:18,958
What?

199
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,093
You've been out of it all day.

200
00:07:20,095 --> 00:07:21,025
I'm sorry.

201
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:24,230
I'm having a hard time focusing.

202
00:07:24,232 --> 00:07:26,666
Abby found out that Ron's
not my biological dad.

203
00:07:26,668 --> 00:07:30,036
And she has a tendency
to get fixated on things.

204
00:07:30,038 --> 00:07:31,671
I want to meet New Grandpa.

205
00:07:32,607 --> 00:07:34,173
I want to meet New Grandpa.

206
00:07:36,144 --> 00:07:38,511
- Dad, you're snoring.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

207
00:07:38,513 --> 00:07:39,844
I want to meet New Grandpa.

208
00:07:39,915 --> 00:07:42,715
- Man, that girl's relentless.
- Yeah, she won't let it go.

209
00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:44,450
I mean, I finally gave in
and looked him up

210
00:07:44,452 --> 00:07:46,052
on one of those family finder sites.

211
00:07:46,054 --> 00:07:48,354
Wow. So you found your dad?

212
00:07:48,356 --> 00:07:50,890
Yeah. Yeah, and I also stumbled upon

213
00:07:50,892 --> 00:07:54,961
some tricky Civil War heritage
I am so, so sorry about.

214
00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:56,930
Anyway, he lives in Barstow.

215
00:07:56,932 --> 00:07:58,498
Uh, he emailed me this morning

216
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:00,733
and he wants me and
Abby to come visit him.

217
00:08:00,735 --> 00:08:02,635
- Are you gonna go?
- Hell no.

218
00:08:02,637 --> 00:08:04,804
I'm not driving all the way
to Barstow to see some guy

219
00:08:04,806 --> 00:08:06,806
just because we happen
to share the same DNA.

220
00:08:06,808 --> 00:08:08,374
You once drove four hours

221
00:08:08,376 --> 00:08:09,943
to taste the world's biggest corn dog.

222
00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:11,235
And I would do it again.

223
00:08:11,947 --> 00:08:13,746
Look, I'm just gonna get
him to send me a picture

224
00:08:13,748 --> 00:08:15,214
- for Abby's project.
- And you think that'll

225
00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,216
be enough to get Abby off your back?

226
00:08:17,218 --> 00:08:19,285
She's eight years old, man.
She is not calling the shots

227
00:08:19,287 --> 00:08:20,787
- around here.
- Okay.

228
00:08:20,789 --> 00:08:22,789
Hey, sweetheart. How was school?

229
00:08:22,791 --> 00:08:24,724
- We learned about Ghandi.
- Oh, that's great, honey.

230
00:08:24,726 --> 00:08:26,359
Yep. I'm not gonna eat

231
00:08:26,361 --> 00:08:27,827
until I meet New Grandpa.

232
00:08:30,832 --> 00:08:32,699
It sounds like you're going to Barstow.

233
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:34,000
Yeah, I'm going to Barstow.

234
00:08:42,865 --> 00:08:46,172
So, big trip.
You ready to meet your dad?

235
00:08:46,207 --> 00:08:48,367
Yep. I got a big old Mountain Dew,

236
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,359
and what can only be described
as a buttload of turkey jerky.

237
00:08:51,713 --> 00:08:52,644
Half of road tripping

238
00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:53,531
- is snacking.
- Have you thought about

239
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,266
what you're gonna say to the guy?

240
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,067
I mean, what's to say?
You know, I could ask him

241
00:08:57,069 --> 00:08:58,903
why he left, but what's the point?

242
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,938
It's not like we're ever
gonna hash everything out

243
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,473
and the next thing you know,
we'll be having

244
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,108
a catch in a corn field or something.

245
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,410
This is real life,
not "Field of Dreams."

246
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,145
They got corn fields in Barstow?

247
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,880
Look, I just wanted to have
the option, okay?

248
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,882
I knew part of you was
looking forward to this.

249
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,717
Well, yeah. I mean, I'm meeting

250
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,786
my freaking dad. Of course I'm looking

251
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:18,055
forward to it, but I'm also terrified

252
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,990
that I'm gonna like him. You know?

253
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,759
And that I missed out on all
these years that I could have

254
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,428
spent with that jerk
face that left my mother.

255
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,163
You're very confused about this,
aren't you?

256
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,365
No, I'm not. Well, maybe I am.

257
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,934
I don't know. Am I?

258
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,735
Dude, you'll be fine, all right?

259
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,795
- Just make sure you don't...
- Don't get my hopes up.

260
00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:35,770
I know. My mother said the same thing.

261
00:09:35,805 --> 00:09:37,243
Well, I was gonna say,
"Make sure you don't forget

262
00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:38,242
to take a picture of him."

263
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,910
Wendy and I have a bet on
what you're gonna look like

264
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,446
in the next 25 years, and I think you're

265
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,215
gonna be bald.
She thinks you're gonna be

266
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,617
a dapper silver fox
with a velvety baritone.

267
00:09:48,491 --> 00:09:49,753
God, I hope she's right.

268
00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:51,655
This is delicious, Dad.

269
00:09:51,987 --> 00:09:53,420
Magnificent, Mr. Riley.

270
00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:55,088
Thank you, Duane.

271
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,691
So, you seem like
you're in very good shape.

272
00:09:57,693 --> 00:09:59,526
I'm training for an Iron Man.

273
00:09:59,528 --> 00:10:01,161
- Have you done one?
- No.

274
00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:02,796
I've seen all 12 movies, though.

275
00:10:03,485 --> 00:10:04,665
He also spent five years

276
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:06,233
trying to build a real Iron Man suit.

277
00:10:06,235 --> 00:10:09,136
Freaking Musk beat me to it. More wine?

278
00:10:09,138 --> 00:10:10,537
Thank you. It's magnificent.

279
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:15,175
So, Dad, Duane and I
did some hiking yesterday.

280
00:10:15,177 --> 00:10:17,511
Oh, Abby picked this beautiful spot.

281
00:10:17,513 --> 00:10:20,380
The views were... breathtaking.

282
00:10:21,951 --> 00:10:23,584
Breathtakingly magnificent.

283
00:10:25,588 --> 00:10:27,654
You really like that word, don't you?

284
00:10:27,656 --> 00:10:29,756
Mm.

285
00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:31,959
I like a man who knows what he likes.

286
00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,628
Duane just finished curating
a very successful exhibit

287
00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:36,296
- at the Broad.
- Oh, my.

288
00:10:36,298 --> 00:10:38,198
- You're an art curator.
- Well, technically,

289
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,969
that is my job title,
but I prefer to think of myself

290
00:10:41,971 --> 00:10:43,470
as a curator of life.

291
00:10:43,472 --> 00:10:47,040
And my museum... is the world.

292
00:10:48,344 --> 00:10:50,043
Magnificent.

293
00:10:54,216 --> 00:10:59,820
? Tienti la tua paura
Io con sicura fede ?

294
00:10:59,822 --> 00:11:04,958
? L'aspetto ?

295
00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,494
- I can't believe this.
- I know.

296
00:11:07,496 --> 00:11:09,196
If there's a more beautiful rendition

297
00:11:09,198 --> 00:11:10,797
of "Un bel di vedremo,"
I haven't heard it.

298
00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:11,932
I thought you were
supposed to be my big bro

299
00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:13,800
who looks out for me.

300
00:11:13,802 --> 00:11:15,502
I mean, why didn't you tell
me about the talent show?

301
00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:17,204
Because you had a
geometry test this week,

302
00:11:17,206 --> 00:11:18,872
and I didn't want you
to be stressed out.

303
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:20,207
If you ask me,
that's a move straight out

304
00:11:20,209 --> 00:11:21,642
of the Big Bro Hall of Fame.

305
00:11:21,644 --> 00:11:23,310
There is no Big Bro Hall of Fame.

306
00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:25,279
But you know what there is?
A meteor shower.

307
00:11:25,281 --> 00:11:27,681
- And I'm not there.
- You weren't joking.

308
00:11:27,683 --> 00:11:30,817
The kid works it in
to every conversation.

309
00:11:30,819 --> 00:11:33,921
Coming up next is by far
the most beautiful woman

310
00:11:33,923 --> 00:11:35,589
I have ever known.

311
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,357
Sit down, Aunt Marge.

312
00:11:40,062 --> 00:11:42,362
Ladies and gentlemen,
my beautiful, lovely,

313
00:11:42,364 --> 00:11:44,197
incredible fiancée, Maggie.

314
00:11:47,069 --> 00:11:49,736
Hi, everyone. Tonight I will be giving

315
00:11:49,738 --> 00:11:52,673
a Krav Maga demonstration.
First I need a volunteer.

316
00:11:52,675 --> 00:11:55,409
- What's Krav Maga?
- Oh, looks like I found one.

317
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,356
Come on up here, Cousin Gary,
and I'll show you.

318
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,049
Okay. Ready to have some fun?

319
00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:03,951
Now I have to do a freaking talent show?

320
00:12:03,953 --> 00:12:05,218
I don't have any talents.

321
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,320
I can think of one thing

322
00:12:06,322 --> 00:12:07,587
you're especially good at.

323
00:12:07,589 --> 00:12:09,356
Putting yourself down.

324
00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:11,325
- This is a nightmare.
- Don't worry, little bro.

325
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:12,926
I already cued up MC
Hammer on the boom box.

326
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:14,761
You know all the words,
and you're super good

327
00:12:14,763 --> 00:12:16,730
- at rapping them.
- There's no way

328
00:12:16,732 --> 00:12:18,799
I'm getting up there to rap in
front of a bunch of strangers.

329
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:22,002
They're not strangers. They're family.

330
00:12:22,004 --> 00:12:24,204
That was so much fun.

331
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:26,306
I'm gonna go keep an eye on Cousin Gary.

332
00:12:26,308 --> 00:12:27,641
Probably shouldn't fall asleep

333
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:29,643
for the next six to eight hours.

334
00:12:32,715 --> 00:12:34,648
- You want some jerky?
- Sure.

335
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:36,249
Half of road tripping is snacking.

336
00:12:36,251 --> 00:12:39,152
I've literally never been prouder.

337
00:12:39,154 --> 00:12:41,021
I'm really excited to meet New Grandpa.

338
00:12:41,023 --> 00:12:43,090
- Aren't you?
- Oh, my God, yeah.

339
00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:45,926
I'm so excited. Yeah.

340
00:12:45,928 --> 00:12:47,527
Hey, what do you say we stop off

341
00:12:47,529 --> 00:12:49,062
at the world's biggest thermometer?

342
00:12:49,064 --> 00:12:50,797
It's only, like, an hour out of our way.

343
00:12:50,799 --> 00:12:53,467
- What about New Grandpa?
- Eh, it's been 39 years.

344
00:12:53,469 --> 00:12:54,968
What's another hour, huh?

345
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,903
Anyway, how many times in
your life do you get to see

346
00:12:56,905 --> 00:12:59,006
the world's biggest thermometer?

347
00:12:59,008 --> 00:13:01,308
- Four?
- Yeah, no,

348
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:03,176
that's probably accurate.

349
00:13:03,178 --> 00:13:07,347
Next, I wanna bring up a fine young man.

350
00:13:07,349 --> 00:13:09,316
Sit down, Grandpa Lou.

351
00:13:10,719 --> 00:13:14,054
Just kidding. Grandpa Lou's asleep.

352
00:13:14,056 --> 00:13:15,288
I hope.

353
00:13:17,593 --> 00:13:20,827
All right. Um, I couldn't be happier

354
00:13:20,829 --> 00:13:24,231
to bring up my soon-to-be stepson.

355
00:13:24,233 --> 00:13:29,102
How about a big family
welcome for Mr. Alex Riley?

356
00:13:39,882 --> 00:13:42,015
I'm not doing this stupid thing.

357
00:13:42,017 --> 00:13:43,350
I don't even want to be here.

358
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:54,873
Goodnight, Duane. And thank you for

359
00:13:54,923 --> 00:13:56,799
the complete play-by-play of your recent

360
00:13:56,891 --> 00:13:58,757
- hot air balloon ride.
- Oh, the views were,

361
00:13:58,759 --> 00:13:59,930
- in a word...
- Please don't.

362
00:14:00,028 --> 00:14:02,761
- Magnificent.
- And he said it again.

363
00:14:02,763 --> 00:14:04,964
I will see you tomorrow night.

364
00:14:04,966 --> 00:14:06,899
We're going to a new exhibit at LACMA.

365
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:10,469
An artist has tied together
5,000 pairs of shoe laces

366
00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:14,607
into this enormous ball and
has three men dressed as cats

367
00:14:14,609 --> 00:14:18,143
- playing with it.
- Yeah.

368
00:14:18,145 --> 00:14:19,511
I don't think I'm
gonna be going to that.

369
00:14:19,513 --> 00:14:21,213
You don't wanna see it?

370
00:14:21,215 --> 00:14:23,983
I don't think I wanna see you.

371
00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:27,686
I'm sorry, Duane.
This is just not working out.

372
00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:30,656
- You're kidding, right?
- I don't think she's kidding.

373
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,891
_

374
00:14:34,362 --> 00:14:36,695
Can I practice the questions
I'm gonna ask New Grandpa

375
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:39,098
- for my project?
- Sure, sweetheart.

376
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,166
Describe the very first time you saw me.

377
00:14:41,168 --> 00:14:43,369
Well, that'll probably be
when he opens the door,

378
00:14:43,371 --> 00:14:45,437
- won't it?
- Oh, yeah.

379
00:14:47,642 --> 00:14:49,241
What's your favorite
thing to do with me?

380
00:14:49,243 --> 00:14:53,312
Probably whatever we
do when we get there.

381
00:14:53,314 --> 00:14:55,314
Maybe he'll apologize for
abandoning you as a kid

382
00:14:55,316 --> 00:14:56,715
and leaving you to wonder if part of it

383
00:14:56,717 --> 00:14:58,350
- was actually your fault.
- What?

384
00:14:58,352 --> 00:14:59,685
Or maybe we'll color. I don't know.

385
00:15:00,262 --> 00:15:01,353
We'll see.

386
00:15:01,355 --> 00:15:02,888
Don't read that too much.
You'll get car sick.

387
00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:09,395
I think an apology is in order.

388
00:15:09,397 --> 00:15:13,098
I know I ruined the party,
and I'm sorry.

389
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,868
You're not the one that
needs to apologize.

390
00:15:17,104 --> 00:15:19,972
I am. I've been so anxious

391
00:15:19,974 --> 00:15:22,341
about making a good
impression on Ron's family

392
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:25,344
that I forgot to consider how
all this is affecting you.

393
00:15:25,346 --> 00:15:27,880
And that's just not okay. I'm sorry.

394
00:15:27,882 --> 00:15:29,515
You didn't seem too
worried about anything

395
00:15:29,517 --> 00:15:31,083
when you were body slamming Cousin Gary.

396
00:15:31,085 --> 00:15:32,618
That was two weeks of pure anxiety

397
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:34,153
being released on his clavicle.

398
00:15:34,155 --> 00:15:36,155
I'm sure Ron's pretty upset with me.

399
00:15:36,157 --> 00:15:37,890
Probably wishes he'd
had a different stepson.

400
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:40,426
Are you kidding me?
He spent the entire night

401
00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:42,394
showing everyone your inventions.

402
00:15:42,396 --> 00:15:44,029
Honey, he thinks you're amazing.

403
00:15:44,031 --> 00:15:45,831
He's got a funny way of showing it.

404
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,800
- What do you mean?
- I mean the guy doesn't care

405
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:49,435
about anything that I care about.

406
00:15:49,437 --> 00:15:51,270
When I told him about the meteor shower,

407
00:15:51,272 --> 00:15:53,405
- he completely ignored me.
- But then after he realized

408
00:15:53,407 --> 00:15:55,541
how important it was to you,
he felt awful that you were

409
00:15:55,543 --> 00:15:57,576
missing your trip with One-Nut.

410
00:15:57,578 --> 00:15:59,611
You know, I think I feel more
comfortable calling him Darryl.

411
00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:01,413
I get that.

412
00:16:01,415 --> 00:16:05,250
So... he got you this.

413
00:16:06,754 --> 00:16:08,487
Whoa.

414
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,222
He was hoping we could all

415
00:16:10,224 --> 00:16:12,691
watch the meteor shower
together after everyone left.

416
00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,193
He's really excited to give it to you,

417
00:16:14,195 --> 00:16:16,328
- so act surprised.
- This is so awesome.

418
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:17,196
Yeah.

419
00:16:18,899 --> 00:16:21,533
Hey, can I hide out in here for a while?

420
00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:23,736
Jenna's new husband brought
a ventriloquist dummy.

421
00:16:23,738 --> 00:16:25,370
He knew about the surprise talent show?

422
00:16:25,372 --> 00:16:27,973
I don't think so.

423
00:16:27,975 --> 00:16:30,676
What did I possibly see in that guy?

424
00:16:30,678 --> 00:16:33,579
He was a very attractive man,
until he opened his mouth.

425
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,414
Well, you should have seen his abs.

426
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:37,316
He made me feel them when
you went to the bathroom.

427
00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:39,418
Did he show you how he can
flex each ab individually?

428
00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:40,686
Now, that would have been a perfect act

429
00:16:40,688 --> 00:16:41,820
for the family talent show.

430
00:16:43,791 --> 00:16:45,491
I think, because I forced you

431
00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:47,626
to be nice to Duane, I ended up being

432
00:16:47,628 --> 00:16:49,728
the critical one.
And you know what I realized?

433
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:52,131
I have terrible taste in guys.

434
00:16:52,133 --> 00:16:53,966
Sweetheart,
just because I don't like the guys

435
00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:55,601
you bring over doesn't mean
you have terrible taste.

436
00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:58,470
- Even though I do.
- Oh, you definitely do.

437
00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:03,475
And if I've learned
anything over the years,

438
00:17:03,477 --> 00:17:06,311
it's how important family is.
And if I'm a little rough

439
00:17:06,313 --> 00:17:08,113
on the guys you date,
it's only because I think

440
00:17:08,115 --> 00:17:11,383
there should be a very
high bar set to join ours.

441
00:17:12,753 --> 00:17:15,954
You think I'll ever find the right guy?

442
00:17:15,956 --> 00:17:17,723
It's not gonna be easy.

443
00:17:17,725 --> 00:17:19,658
I mean, growing up
with me as your role model,

444
00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,360
how could anyone possibly compare?

445
00:17:23,764 --> 00:17:25,864
- That is very true.
- You're scratching.

446
00:17:25,866 --> 00:17:27,266
Sometimes I just have an itch.

447
00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:28,500
- Not this time.
- No, not this time.

448
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,748
Well, here we are.

449
00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:44,988
Life-changing moment about to happen.

450
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,485
Are you gonna call him Daddy?

451
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:49,688
- I don't think so.
- Should I call him Grandpa?

452
00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:52,324
Sweetheart, that's up to you. Okay?

453
00:17:52,326 --> 00:17:53,358
You call him whatever you'd like.

454
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:54,226
Whatever feels right.

455
00:17:57,698 --> 00:17:59,898
- You still excited to see him?
- Yeah.

456
00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:09,074
Grandpa!

457
00:18:09,076 --> 00:18:12,578
Oh, there's my sweet girl.

458
00:18:15,883 --> 00:18:19,518
So, how was Barstow?

459
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,987
We got all the way out there,
and then Abby and I realized

460
00:18:21,989 --> 00:18:23,789
that we didn't want to meet him.

461
00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:25,424
You know, he couldn't answer
any of the questions

462
00:18:25,426 --> 00:18:27,159
that Abby had to ask
for her project anyway,

463
00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:30,429
so we just turned around
and came straight here.

464
00:18:30,431 --> 00:18:33,632
Well, after a quick stop at the
world's tallest thermometer.

465
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,300
Naturally.

466
00:18:35,302 --> 00:18:37,736
Are you sure you're okay with this?

467
00:18:37,738 --> 00:18:39,872
I am. You know,

468
00:18:39,874 --> 00:18:41,573
my whole life,
people thought I was weird

469
00:18:41,575 --> 00:18:43,075
because I didn't want to find my dad.

470
00:18:43,077 --> 00:18:44,776
Even I thought I was weird sometimes.

471
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:47,446
But the truth is,
I was never all that curious

472
00:18:47,448 --> 00:18:51,216
because ever since I was 14,
I had an amazing dad.

473
00:18:51,218 --> 00:18:53,919
One that welcomed me into
his family with open arms.

474
00:18:55,489 --> 00:18:58,323
Oh, and, uh,
we stopped at the gift shop,

475
00:18:58,325 --> 00:19:00,058
and we got you this.

476
00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:03,295
It's just a miniaturized
version of what we saw.

477
00:19:03,297 --> 00:19:06,565
- So a regular thermometer?
- Huh, yeah.

478
00:19:06,567 --> 00:19:10,068
No, I guess
it is just a regular thermometer.

479
00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:10,969
Cool.

480
00:19:12,706 --> 00:19:14,773
Secretariat could run on the dirt,

481
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,308
on the turf, in the slop,

482
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:17,743
it didn't matter.

483
00:19:17,745 --> 00:19:21,880
Yeah, he was definitely... a horse.

484
00:19:21,882 --> 00:19:24,716
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Alex Riley.

485
00:19:24,718 --> 00:19:25,817
And I want to thank you for letting me

486
00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:27,052
be a part of this family.

487
00:19:30,891 --> 00:19:34,526
? My my my my music hits me so hard ?

488
00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:36,395
? Makes me say oh my Lord ?

489
00:19:36,397 --> 00:19:38,130
? Thank you for blessing me ?

490
00:19:38,132 --> 00:19:39,965
? With a mind to rhyme
and two hype feet ?

491
00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:41,833
? It feels good when
you know you're down ?

492
00:19:41,835 --> 00:19:43,468
? With a super dope
homeboy from the Oaktown ?

493
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,404
? And I'm known as such ?

494
00:19:45,406 --> 00:19:47,339
? And this is a beat you can't touch ?

495
00:19:50,044 --> 00:19:51,009
? Break it down ?

496
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,329
? Stop Hammer time ?

497
00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:10,403
There's nothing more
important than family.

498
00:20:11,275 --> 00:20:12,975
I can't believe you saved this thing.

499
00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:15,660
I save all you projects.

500
00:20:15,662 --> 00:20:17,605
Except that skeleton
you made with macaroni.

501
00:20:17,698 --> 00:20:19,598
That thing looked like a crime scene.

502
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,468
You may not be able to
choose your family...

503
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:26,638
- Grandpa goes right there.
- Yeah.

504
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,240
- And that's our family.
- Yep.

505
00:20:32,543 --> 00:20:34,810
But sometimes not choosing your family

506
00:20:34,812 --> 00:20:36,578
works out just fine.

507
00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:41,183
I think I see it.
Wow, it is really bright.

508
00:20:41,185 --> 00:20:42,951
I think that's the porch light.

509
00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:47,489
Yeah, that's good.

510
00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:50,025
Oh, yeah. That's cool, too.

511
00:21:17,253 --> 00:21:19,274
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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