1
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,942
Previously on Young Sheldon...

2
00:00:09,945 --> 00:00:11,270
Do you know if he'll be doing

3
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:13,812
- the full color octet calculations?
- I do not.

4
00:00:13,815 --> 00:00:16,286
Do you know how to differentiate
under the integral sign?

5
00:00:16,289 --> 00:00:17,276
No.

6
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:18,625
Do you know anything?

7
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,379
Anyone know what happens to baryons?

8
00:00:21,382 --> 00:00:22,759
Yes, Paige.

9
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,544
We can ignore the particle masses

10
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,285
at the individual quark level.

11
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,287
- Correct.
- A unique child

12
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,115
can require a lot of attention.

13
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,234
Try all the attention.

14
00:00:31,237 --> 00:00:33,118
Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.

15
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,076
- Why?
- They fight all the time.

16
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,328
- About what?
- Mostly me.

17
00:00:37,331 --> 00:00:39,558
- I guess I'm lucky.
- Why?

18
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:42,388
I'm the glue that holds
our family together.

19
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:44,738
- Hi, Sheldon.
- What did you do to your hair?

20
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,257
Is this because your
parents got divorced?

21
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,785
You're so smart. Why
are you acting like this?

22
00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:52,515
My mom is going on dates,

23
00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:55,095
and my dad is acting like a child.

24
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,976
It's just hard to care.

25
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:03,063
Can I offer you a hot beverage?

26
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,503
Children everywhere

27
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,592
are excited by summer vacation,

28
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,257
and I was no exception.

29
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:16,986
Because instead of vacation Bible school

30
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:20,239
with my sister, I was
headed to the local library

31
00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:22,867
for a fun-filled week of postal delights

32
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:25,131
otherwise known as stamp camp.

33
00:01:25,134 --> 00:01:27,867
In 1989, they released dinosaur stamps.

34
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,870
- No one cares.
- Come on, now.

35
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,789
He's excited. And that gets

36
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,444
my stamp of approval.

37
00:01:33,447 --> 00:01:34,744
I'm using that.

38
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:36,710
It's going to kill at stamp camp.

39
00:01:36,713 --> 00:01:39,139
Oh, sorry. It was canceled.

40
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,360
What? Why?

41
00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,640
Not enough interest.

42
00:01:42,643 --> 00:01:44,643
Not enough interest in stamps?

43
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:47,147
It's the fastest-growing
hobby in people 70 and over

44
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,976
according to Reader's Digest.

45
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,171
Sorry, sweetie.

46
00:01:50,174 --> 00:01:51,869
Well, what am I supposed to do now?

47
00:01:51,872 --> 00:01:54,000
Ha! You have to go to Bible camp.

48
00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:13,093
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
... www.Addic7ed.com ...

49
00:02:18,498 --> 00:02:20,659
Come on, Shelly. It's a space theme.

50
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,314
Isn't that fun?

51
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:25,317
Jesus was a carpenter, not an astronaut.

52
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:26,970
Maybe he built the rocket.

53
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,624
What would he use for fuel?

54
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,974
Ooh, doughnut holes.

55
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,846
Can I please wait in the car?

56
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,617
No. I want you to be here.

57
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,719
I'll be fine. You can
crack the back window.

58
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,286
Hi, Sheldon.

59
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:41,320
- Paige. What are you doing here?
- My mom made me.

60
00:02:41,323 --> 00:02:42,992
See? She doesn't want to be here either.

61
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:44,908
I'm gonna go say hi to your mom.

62
00:02:44,911 --> 00:02:47,296
Why did your mom make you?

63
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,647
Punishment. I got
caught with cigarettes.

64
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:50,898
Why would you want to smoke?

65
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:52,031
To look older.

66
00:02:52,034 --> 00:02:54,475
My meemaw smokes. I guess it works.

67
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,348
So, why are you here?

68
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,062
Do you believe in this stuff now?

69
00:02:58,065 --> 00:02:59,959
No. Stamp camp got canceled.

70
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:02,223
Further proof there is no God.

71
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,906
I did it. I bought a car.

72
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:08,523
Really? You got the Mustang?

73
00:03:08,526 --> 00:03:09,743
I was fixing to,

74
00:03:09,746 --> 00:03:11,702
but then something else caught my eye.

75
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,494
You did something dumb.

76
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,454
Now, it needs a little bit of work,

77
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,078
but once I'm done,

78
00:03:17,081 --> 00:03:19,413
- it's gonna be amazing.
- No.

79
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:21,111
What do you mean?

80
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,809
It's got low mileage,

81
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,506
great stereo.

82
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,118
Check this out.

83
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,730
Look at all the room.

84
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,297
Hell no.

85
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:33,768
Why?

86
00:03:33,771 --> 00:03:36,735
This isn't a car. It's
a motel room on wheels.

87
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,651
Is that how little you think of me?

88
00:03:38,654 --> 00:03:40,994
Yes. Maybe less.

89
00:03:40,997 --> 00:03:42,292
George, your mother works

90
00:03:42,295 --> 00:03:44,525
for the church. This doesn't look good.

91
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,416
I don't know, looks pretty good to me.

92
00:03:46,419 --> 00:03:49,159
- Please, listen to me.
- Come on.

93
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:52,011
If I drive Sheldon to college,
he can sleep back there.

94
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,182
So, you saw that couch,

95
00:03:54,185 --> 00:03:56,059
and the first thought you had was,

96
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,627
"My brother can sleep on that"?

97
00:03:58,629 --> 00:04:00,627
Not my first thought.

98
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,899
This licorice tastes terrible.

99
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,190
It's plastic.

100
00:04:11,193 --> 00:04:13,075
You use it to weave a lanyard.

101
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,674
No, it's licorice.

102
00:04:17,588 --> 00:04:19,675
Your mother lets you wear lipstick?

103
00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:21,696
- Of course not.
- Interesting.

104
00:04:21,699 --> 00:04:24,003
Does she know you're
leading a double life?

105
00:04:24,006 --> 00:04:25,523
Grow up.

106
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,502
Why do you think you're rebelling

107
00:04:27,505 --> 00:04:29,113
against parental authority?

108
00:04:29,116 --> 00:04:30,507
Isn't it obvious? I'm having

109
00:04:30,510 --> 00:04:32,573
a textbook reaction to their divorce.

110
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,416
What textbook? Did you
get it from the library?

111
00:04:35,419 --> 00:04:38,408
Hello, Biblenauts!

112
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,502
Gather round.

113
00:04:41,495 --> 00:04:43,845
Now, who's ready to find

114
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:47,330
space for Jesus in our hearts?

115
00:04:48,403 --> 00:04:50,088
I can't hear you!

116
00:04:50,091 --> 00:04:52,033
Perhaps that's because space is a vacuum

117
00:04:52,036 --> 00:04:53,600
where sound doesn't travel.

118
00:04:53,603 --> 00:04:55,125
Nicely done.

119
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,250
You're not the only rebel around here.

120
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:59,297
I thought he had stamp camp.

121
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,690
Just go get your money back
and buy a different car.

122
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:02,865
No.

123
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,690
Georgie, I'm not playing around.

124
00:05:04,693 --> 00:05:06,737
Neither am I. I bought
it with my own money,

125
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,901
and you don't get a say.

126
00:05:07,904 --> 00:05:09,230
As long as you live under my roof,

127
00:05:09,232 --> 00:05:10,449
I get plenty of say.

128
00:05:10,452 --> 00:05:12,026
Fine. I'll move out.

129
00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:13,506
And where you gonna go?

130
00:05:13,509 --> 00:05:14,856
I'll live in the van.

131
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:16,698
You know what?

132
00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:17,956
It was only a matter of time

133
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:19,915
before you lived in a van. Have at it.

134
00:05:19,918 --> 00:05:21,869
Scooby-Doo lived in a van,

135
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:23,963
and he turned out fine.

136
00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:27,149
? I'm a rocket man ?

137
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,500
? Rocket man ?

138
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:31,418
? Flying up to
heaven with the Lord ?

139
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:37,511
? And I think it's gonna
be a fun old time. ?

140
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:41,077
All right. Amen.

141
00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,253
Sing "Ice Ice Baby."

142
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,253
Don't know it.

143
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,089
How about Paula Abdul?

144
00:05:46,092 --> 00:05:48,236
- Nope.
- Ooh! The Teenage Mutant Ninjatheme.

145
00:05:48,239 --> 00:05:50,152
Mary, what is that I'm hearing?

146
00:05:50,155 --> 00:05:51,855
Oh! Right.

147
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:55,597
It's the prize bell!

148
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,355
What do you think the prize is?

149
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,704
We get to go home?

150
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,663
Is the joke that leaving
would be a reward?

151
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,012
Yes.

152
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,492
I get that joke.

153
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:05,534
Now,

154
00:06:05,537 --> 00:06:08,277
for a psalm 100 bookmark,

155
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,019
who can name the 12 apostles?

156
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,760
Billy.

157
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,237
Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...

158
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,979
Those are dwarves. Anyone else?

159
00:06:15,982 --> 00:06:18,737
Look at these suckers trying to
compete for a stupid bookmark.

160
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:21,066
They probably don't even know psalm 100.

161
00:06:21,069 --> 00:06:22,372
Or what a book is.

162
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,636
How about six apostles?

163
00:06:24,639 --> 00:06:26,552
Just give me six.

164
00:06:26,555 --> 00:06:28,909
I'll settle for three,
and I'll spot you Judas.

165
00:06:28,912 --> 00:06:31,339
I don't even care about
church, and I can name them all.

166
00:06:31,342 --> 00:06:32,517
So can I.

167
00:06:33,491 --> 00:06:34,577
No, you can't.

168
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:36,319
Yes, I can.

169
00:06:36,322 --> 00:06:38,539
I can even do it in alphabetical order.

170
00:06:38,542 --> 00:06:40,527
Well, I can name them
in the order they appear

171
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,358
in the Book of Matthew.

172
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,578
Paige, yes.

173
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:49,015
Peter, Andrew, James, son of Zebedee,

174
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,039
John, Philip, Bartholomew,

175
00:06:51,042 --> 00:06:52,540
Thomas, Matthew,

176
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,897
James, son of Alpheus,
Thaddeus, Simon and Judas.

177
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:58,337
And that's the order that they
appear in the Book of Matthew.

178
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,896
Fantastic!

179
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:04,030
You just won yourself
a psalm 100 bookmark.

180
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,075
Thank you. I love that psalm.

181
00:07:07,717 --> 00:07:09,427
You would think winning

182
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,037
a Nobel Prize in Physics

183
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:13,495
would make this moment
meaningless to me,

184
00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:17,792
but all these years later,
it still burns my butt.

185
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:27,610
Why would Paige get
competitive over Bible trivia?

186
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,570
She doesn't care about that.

187
00:07:29,573 --> 00:07:31,616
Maybe she just wanted that bookmark.

188
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,879
Yeah. I wanted

189
00:07:32,882 --> 00:07:34,882
this "what would Jesus
do?" slap bracelet.

190
00:07:34,885 --> 00:07:36,540
- Ow.
- I liked it better

191
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,673
when she and I were
making fun of everything.

192
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:41,810
You might have more fun
if you participated, too.

193
00:07:41,813 --> 00:07:43,547
Oh, I'll participate.

194
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,707
Great.

195
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:47,116
If Paige wants to go
head-to-head on Bible trivia,

196
00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:49,684
she picked the wrong
fact-filled atheist to mess with.

197
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:50,816
Great.

198
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,382
Ow.

199
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,254
Well?

200
00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:57,126
It's very... colorful.

201
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,742
Not just colorful. Patriotic.

202
00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:01,870
It's also a little gross.

203
00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:04,962
It just needs a little shampoo.
But check out the best part.

204
00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:10,664
Want to try it out?

205
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,621
In front of your parents' house?

206
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,164
That's what's so great.
We can drive it anywhere.

207
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,570
Empty field, abandoned parking lot.

208
00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:20,672
Wherever love takes us.

209
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:23,764
What is that smell?

210
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,505
There was a mouse in the mini fridge.

211
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,158
Ew!

212
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,531
Did you hear me?

213
00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:33,121
There's a mini fridge!

214
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,601
You're really making him live out there?

215
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,255
He's not gonna last one
night in that nasty thing.

216
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,083
Have you seen that boy's room?

217
00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,359
Judah was the father

218
00:08:42,362 --> 00:08:44,539
of Perez and Zerah by Tamar,

219
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:46,132
Perez was the father of Hezron,

220
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,699
and Hezron was the father of Ram.

221
00:08:47,701 --> 00:08:49,048
Why's he reading the Bible?

222
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,985
To humiliate and destroy
Paige at Bible camp.

223
00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:53,076
That.

224
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:56,925
Missy doing anything stupid?

225
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,536
No.

226
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,929
One out of three. Not bad. Hey!

227
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,236
Where do you think you're going?

228
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,759
Bathroom.

229
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,500
No, you're not. You don't live here.

230
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:07,666
George.

231
00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,808
You want him making
grandkids in that van?

232
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:12,180
You heard him! Get!

233
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:13,596
Dang it.

234
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,817
Can I use your bathroom?

235
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,515
Your dad wants to talk to you.

236
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:22,862
Hello.

237
00:09:22,865 --> 00:09:24,649
You can't use her bathroom either.

238
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:25,824
Dang it.

239
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,149
There's a bucket in the garage.

240
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,533
Hey.

241
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,927
Brought you some food.

242
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:41,258
Don't tell your father.

243
00:09:41,261 --> 00:09:42,316
Thanks.

244
00:09:42,319 --> 00:09:43,433
Want to come in?

245
00:09:43,436 --> 00:09:45,147
It smells less disgusting now.

246
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:48,237
I'm... really good here.

247
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,109
Georgie, um,

248
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,372
this is a... nice van,

249
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,461
but why don't you think about selling it

250
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:56,289
so you can come back inside?

251
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:59,021
No. I'm not letting him win this one.

252
00:10:00,548 --> 00:10:02,461
You know you can't live in here.

253
00:10:02,464 --> 00:10:03,683
Why not?

254
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,428
It's hot out.

255
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,953
The windows roll down.

256
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,172
How are you gonna take a shower?

257
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,000
It's supposed to rain this weekend.

258
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:13,523
What about a bathroom?

259
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,264
See that bucket?

260
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:16,659
Good night.

261
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:24,360
Ask me what the fruits
of the Spirit are.

262
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:25,753
I'm sure you know them.

263
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:26,841
Of course I do.

264
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:29,000
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,

265
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,611
goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.

266
00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:33,092
Then why do I have to ask?

267
00:10:33,095 --> 00:10:35,008
So I can improve my
hand-raising technique.

268
00:10:35,011 --> 00:10:36,546
Fine.

269
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,573
What are the fruits of the Spirit?

270
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:39,724
Good. We done?

271
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,136
No, you have to call on me.

272
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:43,553
Sheldon.

273
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,555
Love, joy, peace, patience,

274
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,731
kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

275
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,515
gentleness and self-control.

276
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:51,259
Now ask me to name three
wicked women of the Bible.

277
00:10:52,302 --> 00:10:53,737
Can I ask you a question?

278
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,653
If it's "Who are three
wicked women in the Bible?,"

279
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,852
then go ahead.

280
00:10:56,855 --> 00:10:58,876
Why don't you believe in God?

281
00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:01,828
Sheldon.

282
00:11:01,831 --> 00:11:03,617
Because science explains the universe

283
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:06,359
without the need of inventing
a supernatural being.

284
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,491
But how do you know for
sure he doesn't exist?

285
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,102
- Ooh.
- Stop that.

286
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:12,626
The burden of proof isn't on me.

287
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:15,237
If I said there was an invisible
monkey in the room with us,

288
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,412
you shouldn't believe me

289
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,110
just because you can't prove me wrong.

290
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,894
Why is the monkey invisible?

291
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:20,982
I don't know.

292
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,418
Is it a ghost monkey?

293
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:23,463
Sure.

294
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:24,899
Then why isn't he in heaven?

295
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,161
Because there is no heaven.

296
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,423
What about monkey heaven?

297
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:28,719
There is no monkey heaven.

298
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,102
There is no regular heaven.

299
00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:32,341
When we die, we cease
to exist. That's it.

300
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,082
You better hope you're right.

301
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:37,174
'Cause if I end up in regular
heaven and you end up in hell,

302
00:11:37,177 --> 00:11:38,526
I'm gonna laugh.

303
00:11:39,191 --> 00:11:40,915
But if you end up in monkey hell,

304
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,482
I'm gonna laugh even harder.

305
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,703
Just paint your nails.

306
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,007
God, when Sheldon dies,

307
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,793
please send him to monkey hell.

308
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:49,926
Amen.

309
00:12:07,569 --> 00:12:09,125
Get it off! Get it off!

310
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,814
- What was that?
- It's in my hair!

311
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:11,946
Not my problem.

312
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,298
It's in my hair!

313
00:12:13,301 --> 00:12:14,878
It's in my hair!

314
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,290
For your information,

315
00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:25,073
not only am I going
to show you up today,

316
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:27,558
I've also prepared some
biblical trash talk.

317
00:12:27,561 --> 00:12:29,039
What is he talking about?

318
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:31,216
He stayed up all night studying.

319
00:12:31,219 --> 00:12:32,523
Why?

320
00:12:32,526 --> 00:12:34,221
To beat you at Bible trivia.

321
00:12:34,224 --> 00:12:36,659
Just like the prophets of
mercy beat the priestly cult

322
00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:38,532
and its emphasis on ritual purity.

323
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:40,273
Was that the trash talk?

324
00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:42,362
Was Zacchaeus a tax collector?

325
00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:44,061
Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?

326
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,629
Just hit him.

327
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,183
Okay, campers!

328
00:12:47,186 --> 00:12:48,862
Bible trivia time.

329
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:50,323
For a Noah's Ark

330
00:12:50,326 --> 00:12:52,159
rain poncho,

331
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,667
what was Peter's original name?

332
00:12:55,461 --> 00:12:57,956
- Sheldon.
- Peter's original name was Simon.

333
00:12:57,959 --> 00:13:00,525
- Correct!
- You didn't know that one, did you?

334
00:13:00,528 --> 00:13:01,614
Yes, I did.

335
00:13:01,617 --> 00:13:03,355
He was also known as Cephas.

336
00:13:03,358 --> 00:13:05,260
Then why didn't you raise your hand?

337
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:06,628
'Cause I don't care.

338
00:13:06,631 --> 00:13:08,237
Next question.

339
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,241
For a John the Baptist pencil topper,

340
00:13:11,244 --> 00:13:14,441
where did Jesus perform
his first miracle?

341
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,241
Sheldon.

342
00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:21,495
A wedding.

343
00:13:21,498 --> 00:13:22,886
Correct!

344
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,652
Aren't you even going to try?

345
00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:26,394
Nope.

346
00:13:26,397 --> 00:13:28,658
Why won't you compete with me?

347
00:13:28,661 --> 00:13:31,488
Because it's fun watching you get upset.

348
00:13:31,491 --> 00:13:33,386
What's fun about it?

349
00:13:33,389 --> 00:13:34,941
Everything.

350
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,995
Morning, sunshine.

351
00:13:43,998 --> 00:13:45,528
What do you want?

352
00:13:45,531 --> 00:13:47,253
Oh, just to see how you're doing.

353
00:13:47,256 --> 00:13:48,378
I'm fine.

354
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:49,667
Thanks for the juice.

355
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:51,322
Oh, this isn't for you.

356
00:13:51,325 --> 00:13:52,979
Mmm.

357
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:55,397
Mmm.

358
00:13:57,287 --> 00:13:58,755
Cold and refreshing.

359
00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,519
So, how'd you sleep?

360
00:14:00,522 --> 00:14:01,769
You look terrible.

361
00:14:01,772 --> 00:14:03,402
- Are you done?
- Depends.

362
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:05,128
You ready to return the van?

363
00:14:05,131 --> 00:14:07,089
This van's not going anywhere.

364
00:14:08,695 --> 00:14:11,043
Don't you have to work this morning?

365
00:14:11,046 --> 00:14:12,090
Crap.

366
00:14:17,391 --> 00:14:19,737
Yep, it's not going anywhere.

367
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,394
Paige,

368
00:14:23,397 --> 00:14:25,316
a sprig of my hair is askew.

369
00:14:25,319 --> 00:14:27,101
Upsetting, isn't it?

370
00:14:27,104 --> 00:14:28,464
No.

371
00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:30,249
But it's going a different direction

372
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:31,597
from all the other hairs.

373
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,730
So?

374
00:14:32,733 --> 00:14:34,907
You think it's fun irritating me?

375
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:36,866
I'm giving you a taste
of your own medicine.

376
00:14:36,869 --> 00:14:38,480
Ha.

377
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:48,800
Hey.

378
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,980
I'm on medication, you know.

379
00:14:51,983 --> 00:14:54,206
Wh-What are you doing in there?

380
00:14:54,209 --> 00:14:55,470
Just washed up in your sink.

381
00:14:55,473 --> 00:14:57,124
Don't want to offend the customers.

382
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:58,518
Why?

383
00:14:58,521 --> 00:15:00,386
My dad's mad 'cause I bought a van,

384
00:15:00,389 --> 00:15:02,128
and he's not letting me use the house.

385
00:15:02,131 --> 00:15:04,697
Oh. So that's your old
Chevy parked out front?

386
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,264
Pretty sweet, right?

387
00:15:06,267 --> 00:15:08,097
You have a clean title on it?

388
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:09,220
Pretty much.

389
00:15:09,223 --> 00:15:11,049
I think it's registered in Mexico.

390
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:12,791
Well, that's something.

391
00:15:12,794 --> 00:15:15,464
But it's got a bed and a mini fridge.

392
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:17,206
Wow. Sweet.

393
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,599
I'm gonna hang some twinkle lights

394
00:15:18,602 --> 00:15:20,212
and maybe get a lava lamp.

395
00:15:21,634 --> 00:15:23,808
Georgie, did I ever...

396
00:15:23,811 --> 00:15:26,028
tell you why I got married so young?

397
00:15:26,031 --> 00:15:27,553
You were in love?

398
00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:29,860
No, because, when I was your age,

399
00:15:29,863 --> 00:15:31,909
I bought a similar vehicle.

400
00:15:33,078 --> 00:15:35,003
Cool. What was it?

401
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:37,341
Just get dressed.

402
00:15:37,344 --> 00:15:38,527
Okay.

403
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,503
Paige,

404
00:15:44,506 --> 00:15:47,507
look how close this
pushpin is to this balloon.

405
00:15:47,510 --> 00:15:48,639
Mm-hmm.

406
00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:50,034
It could pop at any moment.

407
00:15:50,037 --> 00:15:51,471
I bet that drives you cra...

408
00:15:56,275 --> 00:15:57,535
Hello.

409
00:15:57,538 --> 00:15:59,625
- What now?
- What now?

410
00:15:59,628 --> 00:16:01,636
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

411
00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:03,356
- Are you just gonna repeat everything I...
- Are you just gonna repeat

412
00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:04,662
everything I say?

413
00:16:04,665 --> 00:16:06,092
I, Sheldon Cooper...

414
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,222
I, Sheldon Cooper...

415
00:16:07,225 --> 00:16:08,798
...accept Jesus Christ
as my Lord and Savior.

416
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,968
...accept Jesus Chr...

417
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,975
Go get me a beer, woman.

418
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,541
What?

419
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,717
It infuriates my mom
when my dad says it.

420
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,284
Sheldon, stop.

421
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,330
- You can't upset me.
- Why not?

422
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:27,506
Because there are things in
my life that are way worse

423
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,725
than anything that you can come up with.

424
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:32,032
You mean your parents splitting up.

425
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,296
Obviously.

426
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:36,532
I think I know how to irritate you.

427
00:16:36,535 --> 00:16:38,883
I bet you think the
divorce is all your fault

428
00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:41,346
and now your family
is torn apart forever.

429
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,203
Did I do it?

430
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:44,873
Did I get under your skin?

431
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:48,149
I can still hear the sound
of her fist hitting your face

432
00:16:48,152 --> 00:16:50,198
and your head bouncing off the floor.

433
00:16:50,201 --> 00:16:51,277
That is enough.

434
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,331
It was like, "Thwack,"

435
00:16:52,334 --> 00:16:53,420
and then, "Kathunk."

436
00:16:53,423 --> 00:16:54,901
I said enough!

437
00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:57,187
And there were doughnut holes.

438
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,620
What a great day.

439
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,386
That night, my brother
turned a ratty old van

440
00:17:10,389 --> 00:17:13,116
into his chariot of love.

441
00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:20,265
Romance was in the air.

442
00:17:21,618 --> 00:17:23,618
- Hey.
- Oh. Hey, Mr. Boggs.

443
00:17:23,621 --> 00:17:25,623
I-I'm just here to pick up Jana.

444
00:17:26,447 --> 00:17:28,698
You think you're taking
my daughter out in this?

445
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:31,097
No worries. I'll have her home by 11:00.

446
00:17:32,798 --> 00:17:35,407
Ooh. I wouldn't open that.

447
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:37,282
Move.

448
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,082
It's got a mini fridge.

449
00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:51,439
I thought about what you said.

450
00:17:51,442 --> 00:17:52,964
I'm returning the van. Good night.

451
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:54,964
This is the kind of weather

452
00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:56,684
that makes you want to stay at home.

453
00:17:56,686 --> 00:17:58,683
If you don't have to
go out today, don't.

454
00:17:59,933 --> 00:18:04,511
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