1 00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:12,720 * 2:00 a.m. ham, 2:00 a.m. ham * 2 00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:16,682 * everything rhymes with "2:00 a.m. ham." * 3 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:17,783 Mmm. Mm? 4 00:00:18,824 --> 00:00:20,201 So many lies. 5 00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,062 What else was he hiding from the world? 6 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,855 How could the deception go so deep? 7 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,931 Can we ever trust anyone? 8 00:00:28,055 --> 00:00:29,055 My daughter's roaming 9 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:31,571 the house in the middle of the night looking terrified. 10 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,156 I should probably go talk to... 11 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,075 * 2:00 a.m. ham. * 12 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,919 You look like you didn't sleep a wink. 13 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,797 Looks can be deceiving. Nothing is as it seems. 14 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,715 The world is a dark place. 15 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,182 Oh, Lisa seems really frazzled. 16 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,268 Did the climate change again? 17 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,602 I don't know. Probably. 18 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,398 Oh. 19 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,486 She's been like that for hours. 20 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,280 What is she doing under there? 21 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:17,701 Hmm. Something so troubling she doesn't want us to find out. 22 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:20,537 As her friends, we should respect that. 23 00:01:22,376 --> 00:01:25,000 The confession was coerced. 24 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,918 Honey, what are you listening to? 25 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,838 Uh, you know, just some gentle ASMR noises 26 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,090 to soothe me to sleep. 27 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,718 You know, like... 28 00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,428 and... 29 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,179 and... 30 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,181 Oh, that stuff doesn't work... 31 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,520 Good night. 32 00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:48,064 Music in a minor key? 33 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,142 You've been listening to true crime podcasts? 34 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:55,280 Hoda Kotb said on The Today Show those are really disturbing. 35 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,073 - Hoda. - Mom, I can handle it. 36 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,618 There's no swear words, just killing. 37 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,703 How many of these have you listened to? 38 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,247 I don't know. Just two or three a day. 39 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,207 And then maybe a couple more to take the edge off. 40 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:09,586 And then one in the morning just to get normal. 41 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:12,213 Wha... I'm not addicted, I swear. 42 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,383 I just need to know who killed everybody! 43 00:02:16,058 --> 00:02:19,262 - Oh. - I just need to know. I just... 44 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,434 Aw, she's all murdered out. 45 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,061 These titles. 46 00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:29,189 It's like they're trying to intrigue people. 47 00:02:31,312 --> 00:02:35,570 Oh. I better listen to one and make sure Lisa's not too traumatized. 48 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,322 Whatever. I'm hitting the hay. 49 00:02:51,644 --> 00:02:52,712 Okay, I'm on episode eight 50 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,255 of Killing her softly. 51 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,132 We need to talk about Angela's landlord. 52 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,552 Why did he allow her to pay for a year up front? 53 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,805 What did Sergei know? 54 00:03:02,621 --> 00:03:04,599 We have much to discuss. 55 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,393 Okay, pause. 56 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,395 It's like the police intentionally 57 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,563 screwed up the investigation. 58 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,816 Right? Drops of blood you can explain, 59 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,944 - but drops of brain? - I know. 60 00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,862 Okay, play. 61 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,990 Okay, pause. They totally ignored the text messages 62 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,619 - from the coroner's mistress. - Okay, play. Play. 63 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,871 - Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Oh. Oh. 64 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,541 - Mm-mm. Oh, yeah. - Hmm. Hmm. 65 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:35,213 How could a woman with four PhDs be so dumb? 66 00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,881 So dumb. 67 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,592 I've never seen two people agree with each other so much. 68 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,428 I disagree. Come on, you two. 69 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,138 We're supposed to visit Grampa today. 70 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,598 - Homie, we can't go. - Our favorite podcast 71 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,727 is recording a live episode, and we have tickets. 72 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,563 If we gasp loud enough, we might hear ourselves. 73 00:03:54,071 --> 00:03:56,067 Save it for the show, Mom. 74 00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:57,319 - 75 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,695 Now, remember, Bart, 76 00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,364 Grampa's life is very lonely and boring. 77 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,701 So make sure to look at your watch every few seconds 78 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,494 so he knows you want to leave. 79 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,163 Here, take some of these. 80 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:13,460 Why is my dad's weird old tie hanging on his doorknob? 81 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:21,050 - Oh! Oh! Ooh, ooh! - Ugh! 82 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,387 You idiots! Don't you know the code? 83 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,348 If the BOLO's a-hanging, the dentures be clanging. 84 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,518 This is my new girlfriend, Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 85 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:35,148 Abe-y, you didn't tell me your brothers were coming to visit. 86 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,234 - Oh, well. Oh, my. - Aw, shucks. 87 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:41,696 Say, you look familiar. Did you used to be younger? 88 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,574 Vivienne was a big-time TV star. 89 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,286 She was on all the hit shows, and I was a huge fan. 90 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,121 A little magazine. 91 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,124 But you probably know me best as the scheming yet conniving 92 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:57,587 Olympic diver Darcy Covington on Falcon Landing. 93 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,580 Ma'am, if you're a big shot has-been, 94 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,008 why are you dating a small-town never-was? 95 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,427 All my life, I dated unwrinkled men 96 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,221 who told short, concise stories. 97 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:09,349 But Abe here showed me what I've been missing. 98 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,843 He's so sweet he should come with an insulin pump. 99 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:15,355 Well, thanks for stopping by, but we've got two bingo games, 100 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:18,149 a couple's colonoscopy... 101 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:23,988 ...and then we're off to a romantic dinner cruise. 102 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,408 - Dude. - Bro. 103 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,286 - Seriously. - I know. 104 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,164 - 105 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:39,462 From This American Crime and KBBL Springfield, 106 00:05:39,589 --> 00:05:41,840 it's Interminable, 107 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:46,886 one grisly story told week after week after week 108 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,555 after week. 109 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,307 Hello. I'm Tabitha Shingle. 110 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,353 She's even more dry in person. 111 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,105 Some people look at a neck and think, 112 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,065 "what a great place for a scarf," 113 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,277 and others think, "I'd like to choke that." 114 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,030 for Jackson Reeb of Lansing, Michigan, it was the latter. 115 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,745 - 116 00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:17,300 Hey, hey, hey. Easy on the hurricane hold. 117 00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:20,386 We're just doing a story on the podcast craze. 118 00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:21,971 Podcast? 119 00:06:22,056 --> 00:06:23,764 Flash-in-the-pan wannabe journalism. 120 00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:25,892 Mark my words, Jerry, nobody cares. 121 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,227 Now to open this door. 122 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:35,109 Our podcast has gotten over 20 million downloads 123 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:38,487 and is being adapted into a streaming series 124 00:06:38,573 --> 00:06:43,618 starring Alexander Skarsgard on Amazon prime. 125 00:06:47,081 --> 00:06:49,624 Ugh. Stupid podcasts. 126 00:06:49,751 --> 00:06:51,334 Thank god I have my family. 127 00:06:51,461 --> 00:06:53,920 Now to open this door. 128 00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:01,219 Oh. 129 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,433 This is Kent Brockman, Yesterday's News. 130 00:07:09,270 --> 00:07:11,896 And in the end, the donkey turned out to be a horse. 131 00:07:12,653 --> 00:07:13,658 You're only watching this 132 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,234 because somebody left the TV on in a doctor's waiting room. 133 00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:18,569 W-wait, w-wait a second. We have breaking news! 134 00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:20,571 There's been a murder on the high seas. 135 00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,156 A local woman is presumed dead 136 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:24,242 after going overboard on a cruise ship. 137 00:07:24,369 --> 00:07:26,827 A woman disappears from a cruise. 138 00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:28,496 I wonder who did it. 139 00:07:28,623 --> 00:07:30,373 Could it be... 140 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,417 The husband or boyfriend? Mm-hmm. 141 00:07:33,544 --> 00:07:35,795 That's the lady Grampa was kissing. 142 00:07:35,796 --> 00:07:36,796 - 143 00:07:37,131 --> 00:07:39,715 Grampa's the husband or boyfriend? 144 00:07:39,801 --> 00:07:42,134 Authorities say the missing woman is retired starlet 145 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,053 Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 146 00:07:44,138 --> 00:07:46,305 Her boyfriend or husband, Abraham Simpson, 147 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,349 has been detained for questioning. 148 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,767 Grampa? A killer? 149 00:07:49,894 --> 00:07:51,394 He doesn't have that kind of follow-through. 150 00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:55,022 Did Abe Simpson do it? No one can say for sure. 151 00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:59,277 But this story has the makings of a hit crime podcast. 152 00:07:59,404 --> 00:08:04,824 Join me as I take a fair and unbiased look on Guilty Grampa. 153 00:08:06,035 --> 00:08:07,618 This has been Kent Brockman, 154 00:08:07,745 --> 00:08:09,954 bailing on TV news forever. 155 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,248 This is horrible. What are we gonna do? 156 00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:15,501 I've already subscribed. 157 00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:20,299 - 158 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,134 A romantic sunset cruise, the perfect setting 159 00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:25,136 for new love between a fading Hollywood actress 160 00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:27,388 and a fully faded old man. 161 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:31,517 But only one of them would return to port alive. 162 00:08:32,936 --> 00:08:35,980 I'm Kent Brockman, and this is Guilty Grampa. 163 00:08:36,107 --> 00:08:37,982 Guilty Grampa is sponsored 164 00:08:38,109 --> 00:08:40,693 by shampoo shuttle, seasonal-flavored shampoos 165 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,029 drone-delivered direct to your shower. 166 00:08:43,114 --> 00:08:45,031 Showbiz princess Vivienne Saint Charmaine 167 00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,116 had finally met her prince, 168 00:08:47,201 --> 00:08:49,285 local census resistor Abe Simpson. 169 00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:51,620 Together they boarded a romantic seniors cruise 170 00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:53,372 across Springfield harbor. 171 00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,207 It was 2:33 p.m., 172 00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:56,917 and the passengers were finishing dinner. 173 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,919 Suddenly, there were the sounds of a commotion, 174 00:08:59,047 --> 00:09:01,839 a scream and then a splash. 175 00:09:01,966 --> 00:09:03,507 Vivienne was gone, 176 00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:06,177 but did the truth go overboard with her? 177 00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:08,905 I have with me a woman who was on that fatal cruise, 178 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,473 disgraced docent Agnes Skinner. 179 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,475 Uh, tell me about that night. 180 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:16,604 I was at the buffet when I heard a woman scream, "Abe, don't!" 181 00:09:16,731 --> 00:09:18,481 then a splash. 182 00:09:18,608 --> 00:09:20,107 What did you do next? 183 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,650 I saw they were refilling the shrimp tower, 184 00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:23,861 so I had to get over there and touch them all. 185 00:09:23,988 --> 00:09:25,363 "Abe, don't." 186 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,657 Whatever could Vivienne have meant by that? 187 00:09:28,743 --> 00:09:30,868 Naturally, the police questioned Abe Simpson. 188 00:09:30,995 --> 00:09:34,413 His only defense? "I don't remember." 189 00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:38,400 The old man would not confess. Rude. 190 00:09:38,527 --> 00:09:39,902 So we swabbed his hands 191 00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:42,654 to see if they tested positive for pushing. 192 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:46,033 It came back as "no such test." 193 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,786 The only thing we could do was let him go. 194 00:09:50,706 --> 00:09:52,956 So maybe the old saying is true. 195 00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:56,001 To catch a murderer, you have to set them free 196 00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,669 to murder again. 197 00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,005 This has been Guilty Grampa. 198 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,007 Ah, that podcast sucks butts. 199 00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:03,884 Grampa's not some monster. 200 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:11,683 Am I inside? 201 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:15,270 Vivienne and I went on the cruise, had dinner, 202 00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:18,273 drinks, dancing, drinks. 203 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,526 The rest is kind of a blur. 204 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,778 And the next thing I know, the cops are telling me 205 00:10:22,905 --> 00:10:26,114 - I'm a person of interest. - That's ridiculous. 206 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,035 You've never been a person of interest... not for one second. 207 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,245 I don't remember nothing. 208 00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:33,038 But I would never hurt Vivienne. 209 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:37,793 She was my last chance at love, and now she's gone forever. 210 00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,964 Whoop. Got to take a zizz. 211 00:10:42,925 --> 00:10:44,299 Okay, quick, he's in the bathroom, 212 00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,385 so we only have an hour to talk. 213 00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:47,719 Now, on the count of three, 214 00:10:47,805 --> 00:10:50,180 say if you think he's guilty or not. 215 00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:52,057 One, two, three. 216 00:10:52,142 --> 00:10:53,934 - Not guilty! - If I'm being honest, I think he's capable 217 00:10:54,019 --> 00:10:56,311 of anything, up to and including murder. 218 00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:00,107 You're talking about your own father. 219 00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,153 Grampa's a good man, 220 00:11:05,281 --> 00:11:07,990 and everyone in this town knows that. 221 00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:13,120 You're protecting a killer! 222 00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:15,539 Murderer! 223 00:11:16,573 --> 00:11:19,585 Grampa boat-pushed my favorite sexy TV lady. 224 00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:22,546 I had a poster where she was on top of a Trans Am 225 00:11:22,673 --> 00:11:24,715 and it said, "finely-tuned machine." 226 00:11:24,842 --> 00:11:27,467 It referred to both her and the car! 227 00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:32,639 Crime podcasts should be about exposing truth, 228 00:11:32,766 --> 00:11:36,018 not irresponsible speculation. 229 00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:38,562 If only Kent knew Grampa like we do, 230 00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:42,649 he would call that show Not Guilty Grampa, 231 00:11:42,776 --> 00:11:45,736 which I bet would get even more listeners. 232 00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:49,239 Hey! We got an ender. 233 00:11:49,366 --> 00:11:50,490 Ender! 234 00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:51,957 Ender! 235 00:11:52,452 --> 00:11:54,290 - 236 00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:56,141 - 237 00:11:57,541 --> 00:12:00,250 Homer, tell me about the Abe Simpson you knew and loved. 238 00:12:00,377 --> 00:12:01,835 I mean, I knew him. 239 00:12:01,962 --> 00:12:03,921 Was he abusive? 240 00:12:04,453 --> 00:12:05,522 Oh, sure. 241 00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,257 I mean, he was a quiet loner, 242 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:10,093 but he could be abusive when he wanted to be. 243 00:12:10,179 --> 00:12:11,637 Really? 244 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,181 And your mother... how did she deal with all this? 245 00:12:14,308 --> 00:12:16,224 You know, I'm not really sure. 246 00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,268 She disappeared when I was quite young. 247 00:12:18,395 --> 00:12:21,355 Another woman in his life vanished. 248 00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:23,523 Stick some foghorns under that and put it up stat. 249 00:12:23,692 --> 00:12:25,984 Uh, wait, that may have sounded bad. 250 00:12:26,070 --> 00:12:28,028 You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 251 00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:29,863 You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 252 00:12:29,990 --> 00:12:31,698 - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. 253 00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:34,534 Imagine the worst person in the world. 254 00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:37,454 Now imagine his father. That's Abe. 255 00:12:37,581 --> 00:12:39,790 His roommates kept turning up dead. 256 00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:43,835 90-year-old people don't just suddenly stop breathing. 257 00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:45,087 Come on. 258 00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:46,672 He murdered me once. 259 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,758 That's why my family doesn't visit. 260 00:12:49,843 --> 00:12:51,885 My grandfather is not only a great man, 261 00:12:52,054 --> 00:12:53,929 he's a World War Two hero. 262 00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,681 They used to call him "Johnny Flamethrower." 263 00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,017 He said the fires would tell him who to burn. 264 00:13:02,398 --> 00:13:05,190 So I say to Ira Glass, "'NPR'? What does that stand for? 265 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:06,900 'No Possible Revenue'?" 266 00:13:10,072 --> 00:13:12,072 Hey, Kent. I'm Yeardley Smith. 267 00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:14,950 Your voice sounds familiar. Where do I know you from? 268 00:13:15,077 --> 00:13:17,828 From my true crime podcast Small-Town Dicks, 269 00:13:17,913 --> 00:13:18,954 and nowhere else. 270 00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:20,664 Can I give you a word of advice? 271 00:13:20,791 --> 00:13:22,916 I'd be a fool not to say, "make it quick." 272 00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:26,044 As much as it's fun to report on murder and mayhem, 273 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:29,881 these podcasts are accusing real people of serious crimes. 274 00:13:29,967 --> 00:13:33,176 Without solid proof, we can ruin lives. 275 00:13:33,303 --> 00:13:35,220 You're right. We do rule the universe. 276 00:13:35,389 --> 00:13:36,555 Can I ask you a question? 277 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,849 - Of course. - Who's doing your merch? 278 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,727 Because I'm only netting two dollars a hat and 50 cents a mug 279 00:13:41,895 --> 00:13:44,104 and I'm getting completely screwed on onesies. 280 00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,324 Today's podcast has a killer bombshell 281 00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:58,577 about the killer of the bombshell. 282 00:13:58,662 --> 00:14:01,788 Grampa's motive for murder? Money. 283 00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,623 You see, Vivienne Saint Charmaine 284 00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:06,043 had a million-dollar life insurance policy. 285 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,837 Ooh, and the beneficiary was her new boyfriend, 286 00:14:08,964 --> 00:14:10,839 Abraham J. Simpson. 287 00:14:11,086 --> 00:14:12,424 The moment she drowned, 288 00:14:12,593 --> 00:14:15,260 Guilty Grampa was swimming in cash. 289 00:14:15,345 --> 00:14:17,345 Motive enough for you? 290 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:21,183 He did it for money. 291 00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:24,644 No. No, no, no. 292 00:14:24,772 --> 00:14:27,939 I don't care what it looks like. I know Abe. 293 00:14:28,025 --> 00:14:30,400 He would never do something so horrible. 294 00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:32,652 I did something so horrible. 295 00:14:32,821 --> 00:14:35,822 I finally listened to that dad-gum podcast... 296 00:14:37,451 --> 00:14:39,868 ...and it convinced me I'm a killer. 297 00:14:39,953 --> 00:14:41,286 Lock me up. 298 00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:44,164 You're under arrest for spoiling the ending! 299 00:14:44,291 --> 00:14:46,833 I was only on episode two. 300 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,503 Oh, and for murder. Yeah. 301 00:14:53,821 --> 00:14:55,843 Abraham Simpson, as you have pled guilty 302 00:14:55,907 --> 00:14:57,878 to the murder of Vivienne Saint Charmaine, 303 00:14:57,890 --> 00:14:59,554 I'm giving you life in prison. 304 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,807 And I'm giving your podcast five stars 305 00:15:01,892 --> 00:15:03,016 but no comment. 306 00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:04,851 Who has the time? 307 00:15:04,978 --> 00:15:06,895 - 308 00:15:09,525 --> 00:15:11,066 Why did you confess, Dad? 309 00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:13,193 A majority of the family believes you're innocent. 310 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,655 But what that Kent Brockman said about me was so darn convincing. 311 00:15:16,824 --> 00:15:20,033 I began to suspect myself around episode four. 312 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,660 Then by episode six, 313 00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:24,287 it seemed like it was that hot-tempered deckhand. 314 00:15:24,414 --> 00:15:27,707 But by episode nine, I knew I'd done it, 315 00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:32,921 just as sure as shampoo shuttle is the future of hair care. 316 00:15:37,052 --> 00:15:38,426 We can't give up hope. 317 00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:40,762 I know Grampa's situation looks bad, 318 00:15:40,889 --> 00:15:44,391 with the insurance money, what Mrs. Skinner heard, but... 319 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,727 And the confession didn't help, either, but-but... 320 00:15:47,855 --> 00:15:48,954 Take it, mom. 321 00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:50,397 But-but-but... 322 00:15:50,566 --> 00:15:53,525 Oh, my God. I'm not sure I have a "but." 323 00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:56,236 I'm not sure I have a "but," either. 324 00:15:56,321 --> 00:15:58,572 I think Grampa might have done it. 325 00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:02,117 He might have. He totally might have. 326 00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:04,661 Oh, no. 327 00:16:04,788 --> 00:16:06,538 With all our true crime training, 328 00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,623 how could we have missed this? 329 00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:10,792 We've become the people that we hate most: 330 00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:15,297 the family members too deluded to see the obvious truth. 331 00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,048 Uh, for the record, I was willing to believe 332 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:19,926 he was the murderer back when there was no evidence. 333 00:16:20,012 --> 00:16:21,464 Just saying. 334 00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:23,263 Come back later. 335 00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:25,390 Were in the middle of a terrible reckoning. 336 00:16:25,559 --> 00:16:27,467 I have shocking medical news 337 00:16:27,561 --> 00:16:30,371 that will blow your father's case wide open. 338 00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,314 Is there somewhere public we can talk? 339 00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:33,607 I don't know. 340 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,449 Welcome, listeners around the world and our proud astronauts 341 00:16:42,576 --> 00:16:45,035 downloading in the darkness of space. 342 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:49,372 Tonight we both wrap up and drag out the story of Guilty Grampa. 343 00:16:49,499 --> 00:16:51,875 You'll get a chance to hear from the hottest stars 344 00:16:52,002 --> 00:16:53,418 of this heinous crime. 345 00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:56,162 We love you, someone else's tragedy! 346 00:16:56,256 --> 00:16:59,082 And I'm thrilled to announce the Guilty Grampa 347 00:16:59,117 --> 00:17:01,176 streaming series, starring the Skarsgard 348 00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:05,246 that started it all, Stellan. 349 00:17:05,332 --> 00:17:07,081 I only have a deal memo. 350 00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:09,334 I haven't signed the final paperwork. 351 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,919 Kent, there's something you've got to know. 352 00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:14,213 Something everyone's got to know. 353 00:17:14,341 --> 00:17:16,174 On the day of Vivienne's disappearance, 354 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,926 she and Abe went in for a couple's colonoscopy. 355 00:17:19,054 --> 00:17:21,804 They each swallowed a tiny intestopod, 356 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:23,681 which records internal data 357 00:17:23,808 --> 00:17:26,893 and broadcasts a precise GPS signal for 24 hours. 358 00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,936 You can see here. 359 00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:33,316 Once Vivienne fell off the boat, she moved directly to shore. 360 00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,819 She didn't sink. She swam. 361 00:17:36,988 --> 00:17:38,821 Vivienne's signal then traveled south 362 00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:41,866 to a resort in Zihuatanejo, Mexico, 363 00:17:41,951 --> 00:17:45,078 where the guacamole is made table-side. 364 00:17:45,205 --> 00:17:47,955 Vivienne is alive. She faked her death. 365 00:17:48,124 --> 00:17:50,917 Which means Grampa didn't kill anyone. 366 00:17:51,002 --> 00:17:54,337 But your podcast convinced him that he did. 367 00:17:54,422 --> 00:17:55,880 I wanted to say that part. 368 00:17:55,965 --> 00:17:58,424 Well, that's, uh, that's all very interesting, 369 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,636 but it doesn't really fit with the title of my podcast, 370 00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,346 to say nothing of the merch. 371 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:08,309 Guilty Grampa! Guilty Grampa! 372 00:18:09,771 --> 00:18:12,522 You sent me to jail. 373 00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:14,482 You're no journalist. 374 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:19,404 You made us a murderer. Wah! 375 00:18:20,313 --> 00:18:21,906 I have a confession to make. 376 00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:24,826 Guilty Grampa is not guilty. 377 00:18:26,955 --> 00:18:28,496 Oh, we all wish he did it. 378 00:18:28,623 --> 00:18:30,790 Everyone here loves DNA swabs, 379 00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:33,793 cell phone pings and spatter analysis, 380 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,212 that fantasy that the bad guys will be caught 381 00:18:36,339 --> 00:18:38,506 and the police will save the day. 382 00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:41,426 Geez. That's a lot to put on a guy. 383 00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:44,554 From now on, I will report with judicious restraint, 384 00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:46,931 leaving behind sensational revelations 385 00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:50,768 in favor of painstakingly accumulated uncertainties. 386 00:18:52,147 --> 00:18:54,230 And I know you will all come along with me 387 00:18:54,357 --> 00:18:56,399 on this slow, measured ride. 388 00:18:58,319 --> 00:19:01,070 And with that out-of-touch statement, 389 00:19:01,197 --> 00:19:04,490 Kent Brockman bid a big fat farewell 390 00:19:04,659 --> 00:19:07,702 to his relevancy. 391 00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:11,122 - 392 00:19:11,249 --> 00:19:14,250 Come on, Dad, cheer up. You're an innocent man. 393 00:19:14,377 --> 00:19:17,336 Or so you'd have us believe. 394 00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,715 I thought Vivienne loved me, but she played me for a sap. 395 00:19:21,718 --> 00:19:23,885 Why'd you set me up, baby? 396 00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:25,428 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 397 00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,890 I never believed she liked you for one second. 398 00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,558 Well, I did. 399 00:19:30,685 --> 00:19:33,853 I thought she was gonna be the last love of my life. 400 00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:45,656 Hi, Abe. 401 00:19:45,825 --> 00:19:47,700 What the... 402 00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:50,661 Vivienne. Why'd you set me up? 403 00:19:51,414 --> 00:19:52,747 We set you up. 404 00:19:52,832 --> 00:19:54,123 You weren't supposed to confess. 405 00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,501 You were supposed to meet me in Mexico 406 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:57,835 with the insurance money. 407 00:19:57,962 --> 00:20:00,421 - That was the plan. - What plan? 408 00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,089 The plan where I faked my death 409 00:20:02,217 --> 00:20:04,801 and waited for you to meet me in Mexico 410 00:20:04,928 --> 00:20:06,385 with the insurance money. 411 00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:09,764 That's why I yelled, "Abe, don't... forget the plan," 412 00:20:09,849 --> 00:20:12,558 - as I was diving off the boat. - What boat? 413 00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,853 I love you, you senile old sex machine. 414 00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:18,523 Oh, what do we do now that we're on the run? 415 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,566 We live out the rest of our days 416 00:20:20,693 --> 00:20:23,402 in a place where no one will ever notice us. 417 00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:36,374 I'm putting the space heater on ten. 418 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,334 Ooh, Abe. 419 00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:40,586 Oh, you naughty boy. 420 00:20:58,022 --> 00:21:02,316 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 421 00:21:25,011 --> 00:21:26,056 Shh!