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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

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The good news is...
I always land on my feet.

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Ugh, foot.

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The age-old question...

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How badly does the
patient wanna survive?

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Never give up.

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Never surrender.

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100...

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99...

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98...

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97...

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_

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If I'm to tell the whole truth...
and why not?

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I got plenty of time...

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I was born Richard Pinzetti
in New York's Little Italy.

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All I ever wanted was to be a surgeon.

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_

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My father, an old-world greaseball,

28
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would laugh and tell me to get
him another glass of wine.

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He died when he was 46, and I was glad.

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I always had luck on my side,

31
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present circumstances notwithstanding,

32
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but I'm not really worried about that.

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As I said, I always land on my feet.

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Anyway, a poor kid from the projects

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getting to college was no easy task,

36
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so I did what any other
able-bodied kid would do.

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I played sports.

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But let's not forget,

39
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being a surgeon was all I ever wanted,

40
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so I figured a scholarship
would get me in the door,

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and the world would be my oyster.

42
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And you know what?

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I was good at it.

44
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So I became quarterback,
but let's face it.

45
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A doctor's hands are his life,

46
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so I'd wrap them before every game.

47
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Then I'd soak them after.

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A lot of my teammates would rag on me,

49
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call me chicken shit,

50
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mostly this big zit-faced
asshole named Howie Plotzsky.

51
00:05:01,914 --> 00:05:04,239
But living on the streets,
making connections,

52
00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:05,872
getting to know people, you know,

53
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any asshole knows how to die.

54
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The thing to learn is how to survive.

55
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So I slipped Ricky Buzelli 10 bucks

56
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to make Howie's mouth disappear.

57
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Ricky obliged and brought
me three of his teeth

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wrapped in a bloody paper towel.

59
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Can you imagine the damage

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I could have done to my
hands busting his face?

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In med school, while the other suckers

62
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were running themselves
ragged trying to bone up,

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between waiting
tables and buffing floors,

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I kept the rackets going...

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Football pools, baseball pools.

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I stayed tight with the old neighborhood

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and made it through school just fine.

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I didn't get into pushing

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until I was doing my residency.

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I was working in one of
the biggest hospitals

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in New York City.

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At first, it was prescription blanks.

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I'd sell a tablet of 100

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to some guys from the neighborhood

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along with writing samples
of 40 or 50 doctors.

76
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Then they'd turn around and
sell them for 20 apiece.

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Speed freaks and nodders, they loved it.

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Speaking of which,

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I finally woke up shortly after dark.

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Wait, have I mentioned

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I haven't had anything
to eat in four days?

82
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Day fucking three...
Haven't seen another soul.

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A bunch of stuff washed up
over the last few days,

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and I've taken what I can,
between that and the shit

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that I got off the useless lifeboat,

86
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but it could be worse.

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At least I'm here, and I'm not her,

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poor whoever she was.

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Then this gull landed on one
of the rocks on the island.

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It just stood there looking at me

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with its fucking black eyes.

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Aaah!

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The sound actually gave me
great satisfaction.

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I carried it back to my camp,

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and before I even plucked a feather,

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I dumped iodine all over the laceration.

97
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The last thing I need
now is an infection.

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No driftwood or vegetation for a fire,

99
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:10,200
so I guess it's seagull tartare.

100
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:21,224
100, 99...

101
00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:26,614
98, 97...

102
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January 29th, day four.

103
00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:35,590
The only reason to keep Gloria here...

104
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That's what I call her...

105
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Is that she attracts the gulls.

106
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But I don't know how
much more I can handle.

107
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Jesus, the stench...

108
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her body baking in the sun.

109
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Found a few things in the
suitcase I could use.

110
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Not much else to do,

111
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so I'm gonna keep
writing my life's story.

112
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At least it keeps my
mind off my stomach.

113
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Well, sort of.

114
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I had enough socked
away from my adventures

115
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as an intern and resident
that I could've set myself up

116
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in a practice on Park Avenue.

117
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Then Lowenthal gets pinched,

118
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fucking sheep.

119
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They wave five years
in front of his face,

120
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and he coughs up half a dozen names,

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mine right at the top of the list.

122
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There were a few other deals,
including prescription blanks,

123
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which I didn't entirely give up.

124
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It's funny; I didn't really
need that stuff anymore,

125
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but it's hard to give up
the extra sugar, you know?

126
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So what did I do?
Threw a couple people to the wolves.

127
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Nobody I liked, though.

128
00:08:27,983 --> 00:08:30,738
Everyone I gave to the feds
was a real son of a bitch.

129
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Killed another gull today,

130
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same way I killed the first.

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I was beginning to get
scared there for a while.

132
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It is strange how you can
feel the vitality surge back

133
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when there's something in your stomach.

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263...

135
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264...

136
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265.

137
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No place like home.

138
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Oh, and did I tell you

139
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I had about $350,000 worth of heroin?

140
00:09:02,343 --> 00:09:04,083
New York street value.

141
00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:07,438
You know what
it's worth here? El zilcho.

142
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:11,135
Yeah, sort of funny
if you think about it.

143
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I wanted my shingle back,
and it was gonna cost me big.

144
00:09:19,754 --> 00:09:20,972
I had some money stashed away,

145
00:09:20,997 --> 00:09:22,561
but I decided I'd take a chance,

146
00:09:22,586 --> 00:09:24,115
try and double or triple it.

147
00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:26,681
That's when I went
to see Ronnie Hanelli.

148
00:09:27,061 --> 00:09:28,841
Ronnie and I played football together.

149
00:09:28,866 --> 00:09:31,361
When his kid brother decided
on internal medicine,

150
00:09:31,385 --> 00:09:33,236
I helped him get his residency.

151
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:35,650
Anything for someone from the block.

152
00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:37,735
He went from neighborhood
enforcer to law school,

153
00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:40,082
set up a shop above the Fish Bowl.

154
00:09:40,107 --> 00:09:42,111
I knew Ronnie would
have something for me.

155
00:09:42,136 --> 00:09:43,786
"It's dangerous," he said,

156
00:09:43,811 --> 00:09:46,756
"But you always could
take care of yourself."

157
00:09:51,302 --> 00:09:52,599
Hey!

158
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,806
I'm here!

159
00:10:10,837 --> 00:10:12,885
I flew to Thailand as a tourist.

160
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:14,991
My Chinese friend had the merchandise,

161
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,579
and I took it to a guy named Ngo

162
00:10:16,603 --> 00:10:19,064
who pronounced it to be
very high-grade stuff.

163
00:10:19,088 --> 00:10:21,722
After three weeks,
I booked passage to San Francisco

164
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,758
on the cruise ship Monrovia,

165
00:10:23,782 --> 00:10:27,162
first-class cabin all the way.

166
00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:29,937
This guy, Ngo,
arranged for two customs officials

167
00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:32,491
to wave me through,
so getting on the ship was no problem,

168
00:10:32,515 --> 00:10:34,286
and Ronnie Hanelli had
arranged for a boat

169
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to pick up the bag that
I tossed over the side

170
00:10:36,347 --> 00:10:39,084
just before we docked,
so I was looking for a cook

171
00:10:39,108 --> 00:10:40,706
or a steward who
could use a little cash,

172
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:42,156
keep his mouth shut.

173
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,582
Then the ship sank.

174
00:10:50,966 --> 00:10:52,546
Aaah!

175
00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:56,229
Well, fuck me.

176
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Okay.

177
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,726
Honey, I'm done.

178
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:03,669
No, no, don't get up.

179
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,905
- _ - From where I sit,
I can plainly see the letters,

180
00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:08,562
every single one of them.

181
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,357
Could have used your help.

182
00:11:10,381 --> 00:11:12,622
Took me damn near all day to spell it,

183
00:11:12,904 --> 00:11:15,136
but another plane
ain't gonna miss me...

184
00:11:15,161 --> 00:11:16,864
I mean, us.

185
00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:19,262
If there is another plane.

186
00:11:20,943 --> 00:11:25,061
You know, darling,
my foot has been throbbing constantly,

187
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,683
and the swelling and discoloration

188
00:11:26,707 --> 00:11:28,888
is getting more and more advanced.

189
00:11:29,604 --> 00:11:32,146
I think we may have to amputate.

190
00:11:32,541 --> 00:11:34,341
Shit.

191
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,384
All I can think about is
what Mockridge used to say

192
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:39,041
in basic anatomy.

193
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:41,181
"Sooner or later," he'd say,
"The question comes up

194
00:11:41,205 --> 00:11:43,489
"in every medical student's career...

195
00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:46,530
How much shock trauma
can the patient stand?"

196
00:11:46,555 --> 00:11:47,704
And he'd whack his pointer

197
00:11:47,728 --> 00:11:49,051
on the chart of the human body,

198
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,397
hitting the liver, the kidneys,
spleen, the heart.

199
00:11:51,422 --> 00:11:52,986
Cut to its base level, students,

200
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:55,126
the answer is always another question.

201
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:57,818
How badly does the
patient want to survive?

202
00:11:59,663 --> 00:12:03,669
So I have decided to amputate my foot.

203
00:12:03,951 --> 00:12:05,791
The good thing is,
I have matches, a needle,

204
00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:08,645
thread from the sewing kit,
and 2 kilos of painkiller,

205
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:11,661
although hardly the type I'd prescribe.

206
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:14,558
It's been four days of no food,

207
00:12:14,583 --> 00:12:15,767
and if I wait any longer,

208
00:12:15,791 --> 00:12:17,803
I run a greater risk of fainting

209
00:12:17,827 --> 00:12:20,530
from a combination of shock and hunger

210
00:12:20,554 --> 00:12:22,291
in the middle of the operation.

211
00:12:22,315 --> 00:12:24,184
Then I would bleed to death.

212
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:26,528
This may be my last entry.

213
00:12:26,553 --> 00:12:28,817
But I think I'm gonna make it.

214
00:12:29,494 --> 00:12:31,541
But don't I always?

215
00:12:31,565 --> 00:12:33,371
And they really are
doing marvelous things

216
00:12:33,395 --> 00:12:35,752
with artificial limbs these days.

217
00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:38,356
I can get along with
one foot quite nicely.

218
00:12:38,917 --> 00:12:43,691
Okay, time to see if I'm as
good a doctor as I think I am.

219
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:54,357
I'm close to digging the
stitches out with my fingers,

220
00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:57,183
letting the blood flow into the sand.

221
00:12:57,418 --> 00:13:00,431
Anything to be rid of
this maddening itch.

222
00:13:04,147 --> 00:13:09,714
So I count backwards from
100 and snort the heroin.

223
00:13:10,194 --> 00:13:13,066
I have no idea how much I've snorted,

224
00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:16,621
but I've pretty much been
stoned since the operation.

225
00:13:17,342 --> 00:13:19,451
It depresses hunger, you know?

226
00:13:21,078 --> 00:13:22,572
Weird.

227
00:13:22,823 --> 00:13:26,264
I'm hardly aware of being hungry at all,

228
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:29,147
like this distant gnawing.

229
00:13:29,444 --> 00:13:31,767
I could easily ignore it,

230
00:13:31,792 --> 00:13:33,608
but I can't.

231
00:13:34,352 --> 00:13:35,985
Gotta eat.

232
00:13:40,772 --> 00:13:42,957
Huh? No.

233
00:13:42,981 --> 00:13:45,076
No! No!

234
00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:47,341
Help!

235
00:13:47,365 --> 00:13:48,515
Hey.

236
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,005
Lobster, mmm, garlic bread...

237
00:14:00,689 --> 00:14:05,387
Oh, mother's lasagna,

238
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:08,535
prime rib, peach melba,

239
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,814
onion rings.

240
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:13,139
Hey.

241
00:14:14,574 --> 00:14:16,233
Richard.

242
00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:19,904
You need to eat.

243
00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:21,424
I'm right here.

244
00:14:23,729 --> 00:14:25,178
Let's face it.

245
00:14:26,287 --> 00:14:28,392
I might be better than nothing.

246
00:14:29,787 --> 00:14:32,075
What are your alternatives?

247
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:42,469
It's fourth quarter,
down by three, third and long.

248
00:14:42,494 --> 00:14:44,752
Pinzetti goes back to pass.

249
00:14:45,355 --> 00:14:48,436
I was convinced it was gonna fly off,
but it didn't.

250
00:14:48,461 --> 00:14:50,439
The pain from my stump was excruciating,

251
00:14:50,463 --> 00:14:52,889
but this asshole bird
strutting back and forth

252
00:14:52,913 --> 00:14:54,201
with its meaty breast thrown out

253
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:57,072
like some avian general
reviewing his troops,

254
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,757
my insides tightened with hunger.

255
00:14:59,782 --> 00:15:01,463
100,

256
00:15:01,488 --> 00:15:03,865
99, 98...

257
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,971
98...

258
00:15:06,996 --> 00:15:10,078
I couldn't afford to miss,
couldn't commit

259
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:12,254
'cause I couldn't afford to fuck this up

260
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,041
because if I did,
I knew exactly what that meant.

261
00:15:15,353 --> 00:15:16,913
Gloria.

262
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,368
It's the race of the cripples.

263
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,071
No, no! Don't you fucking dare!

264
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,260
Would have gotten there faster,

265
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:39,694
but my hands...

266
00:15:39,719 --> 00:15:41,697
must protect the hands.

267
00:15:41,721 --> 00:15:43,837
I may need them again.

268
00:15:45,643 --> 00:15:47,138
Gloria.

269
00:15:47,908 --> 00:15:50,361
The storm washed her away.

270
00:15:56,632 --> 00:16:00,302
I've... I've amputated the other foot.

271
00:16:01,948 --> 00:16:03,494
Strange...

272
00:16:05,037 --> 00:16:07,791
All through the operation,

273
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:10,553
I was drooling.

274
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:14,158
Just like when I saw the gull,

275
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:17,197
drooling helplessly...

276
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:21,009
like an idiot.

277
00:16:21,243 --> 00:16:24,828
I'm out of food, and I have no choice.

278
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:28,786
It tastes like cold roast beef...

279
00:16:28,811 --> 00:16:31,286
cold roast beef...

280
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:37,309
cold roast beef...

281
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:49,558
Oh, look at that.

282
00:16:49,582 --> 00:16:52,747
I'm beginning to feel half-human again.

283
00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:55,218
Half-human,

284
00:16:55,242 --> 00:16:58,794
or maybe a quarter-human,

285
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,466
or an eighth.

286
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:11,959
Ugh!

287
00:17:14,727 --> 00:17:16,284
- _
- It's day 18.

288
00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:20,216
I noticed the storm washed
away my "help" sign,

289
00:17:20,544 --> 00:17:23,168
along with what was left of Gloria.

290
00:17:23,193 --> 00:17:26,160
That was three days ago, I think.

291
00:17:27,457 --> 00:17:29,762
Have I been that stoned?

292
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,535
I need to watch it, cut down my dosage.

293
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,746
What if a ship would have
gone by while I was tripping?

294
00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:42,401
Need... Need to protect the hands,
no matter what.

295
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:09,167
Took off my right leg at the knee.

296
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:11,035
Lost a lot of blood.

297
00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:16,558
The pain was excruciating
in spite of the heroin.

298
00:18:18,187 --> 00:18:20,808
Shock trauma would have
killed a lesser man.

299
00:18:21,963 --> 00:18:24,965
How badly does the
patient wanna survive?

300
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,023
Let me answer with a question.

301
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:32,089
How badly does the patient wanna live?

302
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:39,805
"Doctor, was the operation necessary?"

303
00:18:42,879 --> 00:18:46,100
I dreamt about Phil
Hammersmith's barbecue pit,

304
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,622
sitting on his porch at dusk
with drinks in our hands

305
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:52,300
talking about surgical procedures

306
00:18:52,325 --> 00:18:54,500
or golf or something.

307
00:18:55,879 --> 00:19:02,499
The breeze picks up the sweet
smell of roasting pork.

308
00:19:04,648 --> 00:19:06,629
Sweet Jesus...

309
00:19:07,336 --> 00:19:10,384
The smell of roasting pork...

310
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:17,957
Took the other leg last night.

311
00:19:19,594 --> 00:19:22,277
I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

312
00:19:22,636 --> 00:19:25,546
So much blood under my fingernails.

313
00:19:25,571 --> 00:19:28,949
I remember the anatomical
models from med school,

314
00:19:28,974 --> 00:19:31,995
but I can't even look down...

315
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:34,106
No. No way, no...

316
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,738
No how.

317
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,597
But I get it.

318
00:19:39,061 --> 00:19:41,350
I know... I know what I need to do.

319
00:19:43,031 --> 00:19:46,355
What they're doing with
artificial limbs these days,

320
00:19:46,379 --> 00:19:48,606
I could be good as new.

321
00:19:48,631 --> 00:19:51,613
I could come back to this
place and tell everyone

322
00:19:51,638 --> 00:19:55,881
that this... that this is
where it happened.

323
00:20:05,432 --> 00:20:07,480
Don't dare,

324
00:20:07,504 --> 00:20:09,022
but no choice.

325
00:20:10,704 --> 00:20:13,372
How do I tie off the femoral artery?

326
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:16,256
It's as big as a highway up there.

327
00:20:17,436 --> 00:20:20,862
I just wish I could stop drooling.

328
00:20:24,072 --> 00:20:26,360
There's nothing left of my face

329
00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:28,624
but a skin-covered skull.

330
00:20:28,649 --> 00:20:31,255
I must be insane by now.

331
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,325
I'm a monster.

332
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:39,995
Nothing left below the groin,

333
00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:41,306
just a freak,

334
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:44,068
a head attached to a torso

335
00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:48,241
dragging itself along
the sand by its elbows.

336
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,215
A crab, a stoned crab.

337
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:58,565
They say you are what you eat, right?

338
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:03,092
So I haven't changed much.

339
00:21:10,679 --> 00:21:13,139
Been seeing my father.

340
00:21:14,087 --> 00:21:17,204
When he was drunk,
he lost all of his English,

341
00:21:17,228 --> 00:21:21,210
not that he had anything
to say, dipstick.

342
00:21:21,235 --> 00:21:23,002
I was so glad to get out of your house,

343
00:21:23,027 --> 00:21:26,553
you fucking piece of shit,
know-nothing loser.

344
00:21:26,859 --> 00:21:28,491
I made it.

345
00:21:28,515 --> 00:21:31,149
I walked away from you!

346
00:21:32,829 --> 00:21:36,568
Left hand washes the right.

347
00:21:36,749 --> 00:21:39,054
Don't let the left hand know

348
00:21:39,078 --> 00:21:41,159
what the right one is doing.

349
00:21:41,183 --> 00:21:44,024
One potato, two potato.

350
00:21:44,048 --> 00:21:45,681
Who cares?

351
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:48,477
This hand, that hand,

352
00:21:48,501 --> 00:21:52,528
good food, good meat.

353
00:21:52,553 --> 00:21:54,403
Let's eat.

354
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:57,717
Ladyfingers...

355
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:01,928
They taste just like ladyfingers.

356
00:22:03,205 --> 00:22:05,908
Ladyfingers...

357
00:22:05,932 --> 00:22:08,249
Fingers...

358
00:22:08,763 --> 00:22:11,085
Fingers.

359
00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:25,000
_

360
00:22:25,297 --> 00:22:27,485
_

361
00:22:31,105 --> 00:22:36,105
_

362
00:22:37,983 --> 00:22:40,211
_

363
00:22:40,604 --> 00:22:42,649
_

364
00:22:42,860 --> 00:22:45,774
_

365
00:22:53,738 --> 00:22:57,999
_

366
00:23:00,750 --> 00:23:04,657
I'm only trying this
because I'm so bored,

367
00:23:04,681 --> 00:23:07,532
I wish I was dead.

368
00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:14,439
Hi, Twitter.

369
00:23:14,464 --> 00:23:16,373
Wanna know what I'm doing?

370
00:23:16,398 --> 00:23:21,266
Oh, how to say this in
280 characters or less?

371
00:23:21,578 --> 00:23:23,917
Screaming inside.

372
00:23:24,094 --> 00:23:26,664
Oh, my, didn't that sound melodramatic?

373
00:23:27,324 --> 00:23:28,577
Let's try this again.

374
00:23:28,601 --> 00:23:30,613
Hello, Twitterverse.

375
00:23:30,637 --> 00:23:33,616
I am Blake, and Blake is me.

376
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,821
What am I doing? Counting seconds.

377
00:23:37,437 --> 00:23:40,969
Only about, uh,
50,000 more until we finish

378
00:23:40,993 --> 00:23:45,111
what is hopefully the last
family trip of my life.

379
00:23:45,306 --> 00:23:46,953
_

380
00:23:47,654 --> 00:23:50,150
- _ - It's been all downhill
since we got to Colorado,

381
00:23:50,174 --> 00:23:53,024
and I don't mean on my snowboard.

382
00:23:53,049 --> 00:23:56,086
We were supposed to spend the
break boarding and skiing,

383
00:23:56,111 --> 00:23:58,607
but it's too cold and
won't stop snowing,

384
00:23:58,631 --> 00:24:01,161
so we had to go to plan B.

385
00:24:01,185 --> 00:24:04,544
What's plan B?
Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

386
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:07,650
Plan B is Mom and I
face off in a contest

387
00:24:07,674 --> 00:24:12,379
to see who can make the other
cry hot tears of rage first.

388
00:24:12,403 --> 00:24:15,762
She is the bitch queen of Bitchtopia.

389
00:24:15,786 --> 00:24:17,453
Our van is looking like the setting

390
00:24:17,477 --> 00:24:20,802
for a cage match duel to the death,

391
00:24:20,826 --> 00:24:23,908
all of us jammed in
together for three days.

392
00:24:23,932 --> 00:24:25,668
- _
- Who will emerge alive?

393
00:24:25,692 --> 00:24:28,499
Place your bets, ladies and germs.

394
00:24:28,523 --> 00:24:31,541
Personally, I predict no survivors.

395
00:24:38,118 --> 00:24:40,165
You know what bitchy
thing she said to me

396
00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:42,030
a couple hours ago?

397
00:24:42,054 --> 00:24:44,101
She said the reason that I hate Colorado

398
00:24:44,125 --> 00:24:46,586
is because I can't blog about it.

399
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,899
She's always saying
social media is more real

400
00:24:48,923 --> 00:24:51,707
for me and my friends than the world.

401
00:24:51,995 --> 00:24:55,481
For us, nothing really happens
until someone posts about it.

402
00:24:57,224 --> 00:24:59,874
She says the internet
is life validation.

403
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:01,371
Validating what?

404
00:25:01,396 --> 00:25:03,947
I told her I only have,
like, 40 followers on here,

405
00:25:03,972 --> 00:25:05,812
so the only thing it's validating

406
00:25:05,836 --> 00:25:08,159
is that I'm a total loser.

407
00:25:10,461 --> 00:25:12,060
Then she says people do social media

408
00:25:12,084 --> 00:25:14,363
because they're scared to die.

409
00:25:15,018 --> 00:25:17,065
Ooh, so deep.

410
00:25:17,089 --> 00:25:19,412
She said no one ever blogs
about their own death.

411
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:22,760
No one's status ever says, "dead."

412
00:25:22,784 --> 00:25:24,624
People go online to hide from death

413
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,696
and wind up hiding from life...
Crap like that.

414
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,905
She ought to write fortune
cookies for a living.

415
00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:33,288
I told Mom, no,
the reason I hate Colorado

416
00:25:33,312 --> 00:25:37,779
is 'cause I'm stuck with her,
and it's all way too real.

417
00:25:46,130 --> 00:25:48,995
? Coming down
the mountain in the snow?

418
00:25:48,996 --> 00:25:51,791
? We'll be coming down
the mountain in the snow?

419
00:25:52,089 --> 00:25:55,872
One more hairpin turn,
and my stomach's gonna blow.

420
00:25:55,897 --> 00:25:59,382
Seriously, my contribution to
this glorious family moment

421
00:25:59,407 --> 00:26:02,974
will be when I barf on Eric's head.

422
00:26:03,238 --> 00:26:06,355
If we wind up in a snow bank
and have a Donner party,

423
00:26:06,379 --> 00:26:10,419
I know whose ass they'll be
chewing on first... mine.

424
00:26:10,444 --> 00:26:12,153
Of course, my survival
skills would amount

425
00:26:12,178 --> 00:26:15,025
to Twittering madly for
someone to rescue us.

426
00:26:15,050 --> 00:26:18,125
Mom would make a slingshot
out of rubber from the tires,

427
00:26:18,150 --> 00:26:20,611
kill squirrels with it,
make a fur bikini out of them,

428
00:26:20,635 --> 00:26:23,165
and be super sad when we were rescued.

429
00:26:23,189 --> 00:26:25,650
Dad would go out of his mind

430
00:26:25,674 --> 00:26:28,446
because we'd have to burn
his books to stay warm.

431
00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:31,828
Eric would put on a
pair of my leggings...

432
00:26:31,853 --> 00:26:33,141
Not to stay warm,

433
00:26:33,165 --> 00:26:35,902
just 'cause my little brother
wants to wear my leggings.

434
00:26:36,056 --> 00:26:37,283
I wrote that last bit

435
00:26:37,307 --> 00:26:39,216
'cause Eric was looking
over my shoulder.

436
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,081
The sick bastard said wearing
my leggings is the closest

437
00:26:42,105 --> 00:26:45,187
he'll probably come to
getting laid in high school.

438
00:26:45,211 --> 00:26:47,396
Mom taught him to knit while
we were snowed in here

439
00:26:47,420 --> 00:26:48,984
in happy Colorado,

440
00:26:49,008 --> 00:26:51,607
and he knitted himself a cock sock.

441
00:26:51,631 --> 00:26:54,127
He's completely gross, but I love him.

442
00:26:59,156 --> 00:27:02,170
It's snowing in the mountains,
but not down here.

443
00:27:02,194 --> 00:27:04,413
Goodbye, beautiful mountains.

444
00:27:04,437 --> 00:27:07,924
Hello, not-so-beautiful Utah desert.

445
00:27:09,166 --> 00:27:11,800
Now Eric is trying on my leggings.

446
00:27:11,824 --> 00:27:13,215
He's so bored.

447
00:27:13,366 --> 00:27:16,921
Mom thinks it's funny,
but Dad is stressing.

448
00:27:16,946 --> 00:27:18,944
I dared Eric to wear
a skirt in the diner

449
00:27:18,969 --> 00:27:20,498
when we stop for food,

450
00:27:20,522 --> 00:27:22,293
and I promised him that if he does it,

451
00:27:22,317 --> 00:27:25,055
I'll invite a certain
hot goth girl chick

452
00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:26,435
to the pool party in April

453
00:27:26,459 --> 00:27:29,714
so he can see her in her tacky bikini,

454
00:27:29,738 --> 00:27:30,992
even though I don't like her.

455
00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:32,476
There's no way he'll do it.

456
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:34,374
Oh, my God, he's doing it.

457
00:27:34,398 --> 00:27:36,342
Oh, my gosh, Mom can't stop laughing.

458
00:27:36,366 --> 00:27:39,276
Eric saves the day!

459
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:40,691
Although now I have to invite

460
00:27:40,715 --> 00:27:42,762
that goth girl to the pool party.

461
00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:43,970
But she probably won't come.

462
00:27:43,994 --> 00:27:45,823
I think sunlight burns her.

463
00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:50,356
I was actually glad to be
with these people right now,

464
00:27:50,380 --> 00:27:53,531
and for, like, three seconds,
I liked Mom,

465
00:27:53,555 --> 00:27:55,913
but then she had to go
and ruin everything.

466
00:27:55,937 --> 00:27:58,812
I seriously barely glanced at my phone,

467
00:27:58,836 --> 00:27:59,986
and I guess, like, the waitress

468
00:28:00,010 --> 00:28:01,401
was standing there or whatever,

469
00:28:01,425 --> 00:28:04,059
waiting for my order,
and I didn't notice,

470
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,027
and Mom had to trot out her stories

471
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:07,407
about being a waitress herself

472
00:28:07,431 --> 00:28:09,892
and how demeaning it was
not to be acknowledged,

473
00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:11,601
just to rub it in.

474
00:28:11,945 --> 00:28:14,034
And she can be, like, completely right,

475
00:28:14,059 --> 00:28:17,107
and I can still hate how
she makes me feel like shit

476
00:28:17,131 --> 00:28:19,484
every chance she gets.

477
00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:23,812
Don't tell her I said she
was completely right.

478
00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:25,797
Smug bitch.

479
00:28:29,373 --> 00:28:32,111
Now Mom's berating Dad
because some detour

480
00:28:32,136 --> 00:28:35,978
he accidentally took added
100 miles to our trip.

481
00:28:38,669 --> 00:28:41,614
Eric, I am psychically willing you

482
00:28:41,638 --> 00:28:45,135
to find some reason to get off the road.

483
00:28:45,159 --> 00:28:46,964
Put the leggings back on.

484
00:28:46,988 --> 00:28:49,932
Say you have to pee, anything, please.

485
00:28:52,649 --> 00:28:54,952
No, no, no, Eric, no!

486
00:28:54,977 --> 00:28:56,249
When I was sending you psychic signals,

487
00:28:56,273 --> 00:28:57,802
this is not what I meant.

488
00:28:57,826 --> 00:28:59,906
Even Mom doesn't wanna stop.

489
00:29:00,039 --> 00:29:01,358
Write it down, kids.

490
00:29:01,382 --> 00:29:04,878
First time in two years
we've agreed on anything.

491
00:29:04,902 --> 00:29:06,880
Ugh, Dad is being a prick now,

492
00:29:06,904 --> 00:29:08,261
says, "Well, I could use a break

493
00:29:08,285 --> 00:29:10,677
from being in the car
with you jackasses."

494
00:29:10,701 --> 00:29:11,782
Thanks, Dad.

495
00:29:11,806 --> 00:29:13,633
Love you, too.

496
00:29:17,260 --> 00:29:20,204
Yeah, this looks super popular.

497
00:29:20,228 --> 00:29:22,551
#Sarcasm.

498
00:29:22,575 --> 00:29:23,932
Circus of the Dead?

499
00:29:23,956 --> 00:29:26,452
More like Circus of the Lame.

500
00:29:27,330 --> 00:29:29,903
The ticket guy looks really sick...

501
00:29:29,927 --> 00:29:32,182
Not funny sick. Sick-sick.

502
00:29:32,206 --> 00:29:35,158
- How you doing?
- He smells, too.

503
00:29:35,183 --> 00:29:36,643
Mom says to be sure to keep doing

504
00:29:36,668 --> 00:29:38,532
whatever you're doing on your phone.

505
00:29:38,557 --> 00:29:40,052
She wouldn't want me to look up and,

506
00:29:40,076 --> 00:29:41,884
I don't know, see something happening.

507
00:29:42,561 --> 00:29:44,159
The only thing that's
gonna happen here

508
00:29:44,183 --> 00:29:46,298
is one of us is gonna get the plague.

509
00:29:46,323 --> 00:29:48,990
Mom just told Dad that
I'll love the circus

510
00:29:49,015 --> 00:29:51,615
'cause it'll be just like the Internet.

511
00:29:51,639 --> 00:29:53,651
YouTube is full of clowns, she says.

512
00:29:53,675 --> 00:29:55,239
Facebook is full of fire-breathers,

513
00:29:55,263 --> 00:29:57,379
and blogs are for people who can't live

514
00:29:57,403 --> 00:29:59,728
without a spotlight on them.

515
00:30:00,165 --> 00:30:02,523
I'm gonna tweet, like,
five times a minute

516
00:30:02,548 --> 00:30:04,904
and make her insane.

517
00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:08,942
Come on. Don't... There we go.

518
00:30:08,966 --> 00:30:11,704
The usher is a weird old guy.

519
00:30:11,728 --> 00:30:14,156
Dad says he looks like Mickey Rooney,

520
00:30:14,181 --> 00:30:15,880
whoever that is.

521
00:30:15,904 --> 00:30:18,469
Uh, he has on a hazmat suit.

522
00:30:18,493 --> 00:30:21,127
He says it's so he won't get bitten.

523
00:30:23,429 --> 00:30:25,614
It is dark as hell in here.

524
00:30:25,638 --> 00:30:28,755
I almost fell twice
getting to our seats.

525
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:36,901
Ugh, this circus reeks.

526
00:30:36,925 --> 00:30:39,628
I don't know what I'm smelling.

527
00:30:39,652 --> 00:30:41,320
Are those the animals?

528
00:30:41,420 --> 00:30:43,872
Call PETA and the fire marshal.

529
00:30:43,897 --> 00:30:45,841
It's totally claustrophobic.

530
00:30:45,865 --> 00:30:47,188
We're so squished in,

531
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:49,630
I don't think we could
leave if we wanted to.

532
00:30:50,939 --> 00:30:53,661
Oh, wait, they just flipped
on the spotlight.

533
00:30:53,686 --> 00:30:54,919
Showtime.

534
00:30:54,943 --> 00:30:57,888
Beating heart, restrain yourself.

535
00:31:02,674 --> 00:31:07,690
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Circus of the Dead!

536
00:31:07,715 --> 00:31:10,245
Well, that got Eric and Dad's attention.

537
00:31:11,387 --> 00:31:14,006
Did I mention there are
zombies in clown outfits,

538
00:31:14,031 --> 00:31:16,393
chasing her around?

539
00:31:17,173 --> 00:31:19,323
Whoa, they almost grabbed her.

540
00:31:19,347 --> 00:31:21,014
Ooh, she's quick.

541
00:31:21,038 --> 00:31:23,327
She says she's been a
prisoner of the circus

542
00:31:23,351 --> 00:31:25,536
for six weeks and survived

543
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,573
because she learned the stilts fast.

544
00:31:27,597 --> 00:31:29,747
Says her boyfriend couldn't
figure them out, fell down,

545
00:31:29,771 --> 00:31:31,922
and then he was
eaten on the first night.

546
00:31:32,206 --> 00:31:34,062
This is not a joke!

547
00:31:34,086 --> 00:31:36,478
She walked right up to the wall under us

548
00:31:36,502 --> 00:31:39,723
and begged someone to pull
her over and rescue her,

549
00:31:39,747 --> 00:31:42,864
but the guy in the
front row just laughed.

550
00:31:42,888 --> 00:31:44,806
Eric is yelling that he'll save her.

551
00:31:44,831 --> 00:31:46,212
- I'll save you!
- He just stood up

552
00:31:46,236 --> 00:31:47,731
and is flexing.

553
00:31:47,755 --> 00:31:50,492
I hope he doesn't get
a cramp in his one ab.

554
00:31:50,516 --> 00:31:53,009
Mom says she can't take us anywhere.

555
00:31:53,034 --> 00:31:54,496
Uh, promise?

556
00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:57,154
Because I would like to be
nowhere with these people

557
00:31:57,178 --> 00:31:59,815
for the rest of ever.

558
00:31:59,938 --> 00:32:03,573
The skank mistress had
to run away in a hurry

559
00:32:03,598 --> 00:32:07,544
before Zippo the Zombie
knocked her off her stilts.

560
00:32:07,568 --> 00:32:10,478
It's actually all very
well-choreographed.

561
00:32:10,502 --> 00:32:13,343
You can totally believe
they're trying to get her.

562
00:32:13,367 --> 00:32:16,138
Here at the Circus of the Dead,

563
00:32:16,162 --> 00:32:19,728
we always begin things with a bang.

564
00:32:23,203 --> 00:32:26,010
Eric says he has fantasies
about a certain goth girl

565
00:32:26,034 --> 00:32:28,225
putting him in a rig like that.

566
00:32:28,250 --> 00:32:30,774
Ugh! #Ew.

567
00:32:30,798 --> 00:32:32,362
This show would actually
be a great date

568
00:32:32,386 --> 00:32:33,466
for the two of them.

569
00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:34,778
It's got a hint of sex,

570
00:32:34,802 --> 00:32:36,297
a whiff of bondage,

571
00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:38,360
and it's really, really morbid.

572
00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:41,508
Hmm, they just put
a zombie in the cannon.

573
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:49,965
Yuck!

574
00:32:49,989 --> 00:32:52,658
They pointed the cannon at
the crowd and fired it,

575
00:32:52,682 --> 00:32:56,616
and fucking zombie
parts went everywhere.

576
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,421
The guy in the row in front of us

577
00:32:58,446 --> 00:33:01,839
got smashed in the mouth
with a flying shoe.

578
00:33:01,863 --> 00:33:03,427
He's bleeding and everything.

579
00:33:03,451 --> 00:33:05,395
Hello, lawsuit.

580
00:33:05,419 --> 00:33:07,051
Fucking yuck.

581
00:33:07,075 --> 00:33:09,330
There's still a foot inside the shoe.

582
00:33:09,354 --> 00:33:11,991
It's totally realistic-looking.

583
00:33:12,184 --> 00:33:13,851
The guy sitting in front of us

584
00:33:13,875 --> 00:33:16,682
just walked off with
his wife to complain,

585
00:33:16,706 --> 00:33:18,684
same dude who laughed
at the ringmistress

586
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,966
when she asked for help.

587
00:33:19,991 --> 00:33:21,169
Part of me wants to leave,

588
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:23,413
but the rest of me is
watching this unfold

589
00:33:23,437 --> 00:33:26,588
like a car wreck I can't unsee.

590
00:33:29,512 --> 00:33:34,838
Ugh, Dad had a zombie lip in his hair!

591
00:33:34,862 --> 00:33:36,978
I'm so glad I didn't eat lunch.

592
00:33:37,002 --> 00:33:40,986
It looks like a gummy worm,
and it smells like ass.

593
00:33:41,661 --> 00:33:44,008
Naturally, Eric wants to keep it.

594
00:33:47,579 --> 00:33:49,953
Yay, a lion!

595
00:33:51,499 --> 00:33:55,211
This next act is the cat's meow.

596
00:33:55,469 --> 00:33:59,414
Aww, I am still girl
enough to like a big cat.

597
00:34:00,922 --> 00:34:03,280
Oh, that's a really sad-looking lion.

598
00:34:03,304 --> 00:34:04,937
Not fun.

599
00:34:05,927 --> 00:34:08,734
They're opening the cage
and sending in zombies,

600
00:34:08,758 --> 00:34:11,453
and he's hissing like a housecat.

601
00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:14,152
Damn! Lion power, whoo!

602
00:34:14,177 --> 00:34:17,812
Ew, not so much cheering now.

603
00:34:18,015 --> 00:34:20,332
He's got one,
and he's tugging out its guts

604
00:34:20,356 --> 00:34:23,748
like he's pulling on the
end of a tug-of-war rope.

605
00:34:23,773 --> 00:34:25,647
They're sending in more zombies.

606
00:34:31,194 --> 00:34:33,724
Oh, gross!

607
00:34:33,748 --> 00:34:38,312
The zombies are passing around
organ meat and hunks of fur.

608
00:34:38,926 --> 00:34:42,023
It's awful! Oh, I feel sick.

609
00:34:44,310 --> 00:34:47,566
Dad saw I was getting upset
and told me how they did it.

610
00:34:47,590 --> 00:34:49,706
The cage has a false bottom,

611
00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:52,433
and they pulled the real
lion out through the floor.

612
00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:54,987
Oh, you really get
swept up in this thing.

613
00:34:55,011 --> 00:34:57,865
And now, who is brave enough to join me?

614
00:34:57,890 --> 00:34:59,405
Now the ringmistress is back out

615
00:34:59,429 --> 00:35:01,442
asking for a volunteer.

616
00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:02,960
Uh, hard pass.

617
00:35:02,984 --> 00:35:06,471
That person is definitely
contracting herpes.

618
00:35:08,818 --> 00:35:11,148
Mm, where'd Eric go?

619
00:35:11,486 --> 00:35:14,317
Probably went to
barf after that lion act.

620
00:35:16,109 --> 00:35:17,906
WTF?

621
00:35:17,930 --> 00:35:21,047
The fire swallower just came out.

622
00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:26,156
One of the men in a hazmat suit...

623
00:35:26,180 --> 00:35:28,607
Fuck me! They just stuck
a torch down his throat,

624
00:35:28,631 --> 00:35:30,436
and now he's burning!

625
00:35:31,737 --> 00:35:33,059
He's running around with, like,

626
00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:34,440
smoke coming out of his mouth

627
00:35:34,464 --> 00:35:36,338
and fire coming out of his eyes

628
00:35:36,362 --> 00:35:38,962
like a jack-o-lant... Oh!

629
00:35:38,986 --> 00:35:42,805
They just let him burn to
death from the inside out!

630
00:35:43,335 --> 00:35:46,348
That's the realest thing I've ever seen.

631
00:35:46,372 --> 00:35:48,143
What's even realer is the corpse

632
00:35:48,167 --> 00:35:49,835
after the hazmat guys

633
00:35:49,859 --> 00:35:51,929
sprayed it down with
a fire extinguisher.

634
00:35:51,954 --> 00:35:54,633
It looks so sad and shriveled.

635
00:35:55,347 --> 00:35:57,187
Oh, ringmistress is back.

636
00:35:57,211 --> 00:35:59,396
She's really weaving around.

637
00:35:59,420 --> 00:36:01,610
I think something's
wrong with her ankle.

638
00:36:01,836 --> 00:36:04,366
She says someone from
the audience has agreed

639
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:06,507
to be tonight's sacrifice.

640
00:36:06,531 --> 00:36:09,958
She said he will be the lucky one.

641
00:36:13,261 --> 00:36:16,724
Oh, no! He did not!

642
00:36:16,748 --> 00:36:21,418
They just wheeled Eric out
cuffed to a big wooden wheel.

643
00:36:21,442 --> 00:36:23,450
Did he just wink at us?

644
00:36:23,799 --> 00:36:25,526
Oh, psycho.

645
00:36:25,550 --> 00:36:27,948
Go, Eric! Whoo!

646
00:36:32,936 --> 00:36:34,189
They hauled out a zombie

647
00:36:34,213 --> 00:36:36,537
and chained him to a stake in the dirt,

648
00:36:36,561 --> 00:36:39,940
and there's a box in front
of him full of hatchets.

649
00:36:40,634 --> 00:36:42,784
I don't like where this is going.

650
00:36:48,601 --> 00:36:51,378
Someone screamed like
they got it in the head.

651
00:36:51,403 --> 00:36:53,105
Obvious plant.

652
00:36:57,792 --> 00:36:59,145
Everyone's laughing now.

653
00:36:59,169 --> 00:37:00,630
The lion scene was a little grim,

654
00:37:00,654 --> 00:37:02,597
but we're back to funny again.

655
00:37:02,621 --> 00:37:06,118
Eric is spinning around
and around on the wheel.

656
00:37:06,142 --> 00:37:07,740
I think he's gonna yak.

657
00:37:09,245 --> 00:37:12,363
Ooh, I am not as brave as Eric.

658
00:37:18,665 --> 00:37:21,135
Dad says it's a trick. He's fine.

659
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,035
Says he'll probably come
out later as a zombie.

660
00:37:24,194 --> 00:37:26,137
All a part of the show.

661
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:30,279
Oh, yep. Looks like Dad's right.

662
00:37:30,304 --> 00:37:33,145
They've promised that
he'll reemerge shortly.

663
00:37:33,169 --> 00:37:35,285
Ugh, Mom is wigging.

664
00:37:35,309 --> 00:37:37,529
She wants Dad to go check on Eric.

665
00:37:37,553 --> 00:37:40,704
She's starting to go nuts...
So embarrassing.

666
00:37:40,728 --> 00:37:43,880
Says that guy who got hit by
the shoe never came back,

667
00:37:43,904 --> 00:37:46,434
and I don't really see what
that has to do with Eric,

668
00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:49,471
and besides,
if I got hit by a flying shoe,

669
00:37:49,496 --> 00:37:51,284
I wouldn't come back either.

670
00:37:51,863 --> 00:37:54,596
Mom bullied Dad into checking on Eric.

671
00:37:54,621 --> 00:37:56,612
Sanity restored.

672
00:37:57,503 --> 00:38:01,167
This is why Eric volunteered.

673
00:38:01,192 --> 00:38:04,724
With the fishnets and all,
she's very goth-hot.

674
00:38:04,749 --> 00:38:07,909
- This is it, folks.
- She's being weird.

675
00:38:07,934 --> 00:38:09,767
If I go off-script, they don't let me...

676
00:38:09,792 --> 00:38:11,378
She says if she goes off-script,

677
00:38:11,403 --> 00:38:13,149
they don't let her out of the ring.

678
00:38:13,174 --> 00:38:15,014
- Who cares?
- But she doesn't care.

679
00:38:15,038 --> 00:38:17,011
- I twisted my ankle earlier.
- She twisted her ankle

680
00:38:17,035 --> 00:38:19,052
and knows tonight is her last night.

681
00:38:19,077 --> 00:38:20,784
Tonight is my final show.

682
00:38:20,809 --> 00:38:22,780
- Says her name is...
- Gail Ross.

683
00:38:22,805 --> 00:38:25,162
And she went to high school in Plano,

684
00:38:25,186 --> 00:38:28,103
was going to marry her
boyfriend after college,

685
00:38:28,128 --> 00:38:29,684
says his name was Craig,

686
00:38:29,708 --> 00:38:31,595
and he wanted to teach.

687
00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:32,894
Nice backstory.

688
00:38:32,918 --> 00:38:35,392
I'm impressed with the
attention to detail.

689
00:38:35,417 --> 00:38:39,026
Now she's saying that
she's sorry for all of us.

690
00:38:39,335 --> 00:38:42,178
She says that they take our
cars and dispose of them

691
00:38:42,203 --> 00:38:44,526
while we're in the tent and that,
like, every year,

692
00:38:44,550 --> 00:38:48,772
12,000 people vanish on the
road with no explanation.

693
00:38:48,796 --> 00:38:51,950
Their cars turn up empty or not at all.

694
00:38:51,975 --> 00:38:53,674
No one will miss us.

695
00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:54,675
Creepy.

696
00:38:54,699 --> 00:38:56,405
Oh, here's Eric!

697
00:38:57,115 --> 00:38:59,749
His zombie makeup is really good.

698
00:38:59,773 --> 00:39:01,889
Most of the zombies
are black and rotted,

699
00:39:01,913 --> 00:39:03,925
but he looks like a fresh kill.

700
00:39:03,949 --> 00:39:05,513
Still got the hatchet in the neck.

701
00:39:05,537 --> 00:39:08,374
And that looks totally fake.

702
00:39:08,399 --> 00:39:11,100
I just said he's not very
good at being a zombie,

703
00:39:11,125 --> 00:39:14,003
and Mom told me to be supportive.

704
00:39:14,028 --> 00:39:15,316
Seriously?

705
00:39:15,340 --> 00:39:17,811
He isn't even trying to walk slow.

706
00:39:21,366 --> 00:39:24,290
Oh, shit, I hope
that's part of the show.

707
00:39:24,983 --> 00:39:27,351
He just knocked her down.

708
00:39:27,523 --> 00:39:31,676
Eric, Eric, Eric!
She hit the dirt really, really hard.

709
00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:34,093
Oh, no. You fucking...

710
00:39:34,117 --> 00:39:36,233
They're eating her
like they ate the lion.

711
00:39:36,257 --> 00:39:38,719
Eric is playing with her guts?

712
00:39:38,743 --> 00:39:40,721
He's going totally method.

713
00:39:40,745 --> 00:39:42,205
Fucking gross.

714
00:39:42,229 --> 00:39:43,585
And to the 80 new followers

715
00:39:43,609 --> 00:39:46,036
I've gotten tonight,
you're fucking gross, too.

716
00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:48,004
You guys will be
disappointed tomorrow

717
00:39:48,028 --> 00:39:50,404
when I go back to tweeting
about my breakfast.

718
00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:52,111
#Boring.

719
00:39:58,348 --> 00:40:00,154
Zombie cheerleaders?

720
00:40:00,190 --> 00:40:01,982
They're making a human pyramid,

721
00:40:02,007 --> 00:40:05,660
or maybe I should say
an inhuman pyramid.

722
00:40:05,685 --> 00:40:08,160
They're surprisingly
good at it for zombies.

723
00:40:08,386 --> 00:40:09,508
Go, team!

724
00:40:09,532 --> 00:40:11,949
I wonder if they have
a zombie spirit stick.

725
00:40:12,362 --> 00:40:15,996
Be aggressive. Zom-bie aggressive!

726
00:40:16,504 --> 00:40:19,967
Eric is climbing the pyramid
like he knows what he's doing.

727
00:40:19,991 --> 00:40:23,039
He's up high enough to grab
the wall around the ring.

728
00:40:23,063 --> 00:40:26,318
He's snarling at
someone in the front row.

729
00:40:26,342 --> 00:40:28,423
I didn't know he was such a good actor.

730
00:40:28,447 --> 00:40:30,596
I wonder if they gave him,
like, backstage training...

731
00:40:38,111 --> 00:40:40,434
This is really dangerous.

732
00:40:40,459 --> 00:40:41,816
It's so dark,

733
00:40:41,841 --> 00:40:44,440
and lots of people are
screaming and running around!

734
00:40:49,020 --> 00:40:52,121
I can't say anything, or they'll hear.

735
00:40:52,505 --> 00:40:54,713
We're being very, very quiet.

736
00:40:57,136 --> 00:40:59,109
We're off I-70.

737
00:40:59,133 --> 00:41:02,433
Mom says exit 31, Utah.

738
00:41:02,458 --> 00:41:04,700
Never mind. Mom says we're in Arizona.

739
00:41:04,725 --> 00:41:05,840
Gosh, she's always correcting me.

740
00:41:05,864 --> 00:41:07,462
Damn it, Mom!

741
00:41:07,486 --> 00:41:10,524
_

742
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:20,611
The crowd... Oh, God, that smell.

743
00:41:22,881 --> 00:41:24,548
They were all dead.

744
00:41:24,572 --> 00:41:27,482
The people in the stands were all dead

745
00:41:27,506 --> 00:41:30,865
except for us and a few others.

746
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:33,454
The corpses were roped together

747
00:41:33,478 --> 00:41:35,628
to the seats, like rotting mannequins,

748
00:41:35,652 --> 00:41:38,966
and we couldn't tell
because it was so dark.

749
00:41:43,315 --> 00:41:45,277
It's quiet now,

750
00:41:45,593 --> 00:41:48,400
less screaming and growling.

751
00:41:48,424 --> 00:41:52,231
They're dragging people
into piles and eating them.

752
00:41:52,255 --> 00:41:56,028
The man who got hit by the
shoe earlier walked by,

753
00:41:56,052 --> 00:41:57,858
but he's a zombie now.

754
00:42:05,199 --> 00:42:07,347
Just Mom and me now.

755
00:42:07,372 --> 00:42:10,214
I love my mom. She's so brave.

756
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,410
I love her so much, so much.

757
00:42:15,951 --> 00:42:19,506
I never meant any of
the bad things, not one.

758
00:42:23,990 --> 00:42:26,263
I'm so scared.

759
00:42:27,898 --> 00:42:30,646
They're searching to
see if anyone is left.

760
00:42:34,159 --> 00:42:36,113
We're here waiting for help.

761
00:42:36,138 --> 00:42:39,347
Please forward this to
everyone on Twitter.

762
00:42:39,378 --> 00:42:42,482
This is true, not an Internet prank.

763
00:42:50,183 --> 00:42:51,738
Oh, God...

764
00:42:53,163 --> 00:42:54,465
It was Dad.

765
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,053
He went by,

766
00:42:59,078 --> 00:43:02,611
and Mom sat up and said his name,

767
00:43:02,636 --> 00:43:07,065
and... and oh, God, not Dad!

768
00:43:09,273 --> 00:43:12,079
Mom? Mommy?

769
00:43:18,912 --> 00:43:21,217
Mommy!

770
00:43:21,373 --> 00:43:25,530
Mommy!

771
00:43:35,646 --> 00:43:39,441
_

772
00:43:39,787 --> 00:43:44,301
_

773
00:43:44,707 --> 00:43:48,754
_

774
00:43:49,025 --> 00:43:53,754
_

775
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,817
_

776
00:43:58,511 --> 00:44:03,106
_

777
00:44:04,288 --> 00:44:07,950
_

778
00:44:09,172 --> 00:44:13,489
_

779
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:18,059
_

780
00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:23,309
_

781
00:44:24,923 --> 00:44:28,770
_

782
00:44:29,052 --> 00:44:32,895
_

783
00:44:35,832 --> 00:44:37,661
Aaah!

784
00:44:52,834 --> 00:44:56,533
_

785
00:44:58,433 --> 00:45:03,067
_

786
00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:08,241
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com