_
Charges have not yet
been brought against the officers
who killed George Floyd.
The president tweeted today,
"When the looting starts,
the shooting starts."
Hi, Mark. Yes.
Oh, yeah.
No. I saw the video.
No, it wasn't good.
Well, thank you, I...
Right, on to business.
Yes, the decree needs to be submitted tomorrow
to the FTC and the DOJ.
No, that's fine, I can do it.
_
We're gonna file it tomorrow.
Exactly. Right.
Oh.
Yes, it has been a crazy week.
Yes, I have seen "Do the Right Thing."
There are some parallels, yes.
Yes, I can get that to you tonight as well.
No, I have the time.
Oh, you've been watching "The Help" on repeat? Great!
I can send you a short PowerPoint presentation
on racial inequality, no problem.
Yeah, it was sad what happened to Ricky in "Boyz n the Hood."
Colin Kaepernick. Yeah, he is a hero.
Michelle Obama's tall, yeah.
Hi, Marie. Yeah, can you hold my work calls?
There is no way I'm gonna get this decree
finished by tonight if I keep having to stop.
I don't want to lose my bonus 'cause I have to hold
everyone else's hand through this.
Okay, thank you so much. You're the best!
What?
Yes, Viola Davis is great in "The Help."
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --
- Damn! - Damn!
Damn.
They go so fast!
You're rusty, man.
You haven't gamed in a minute.
Pretty sure I've seen dust fly off your controller.
You remember what X does?
Very funny.
I needed some gaming today.
It's like a weird sort of stress release.
Man, you gotta put your phone
- on "Do Not Disturb." - What's that?
The calls come through, but it doesn't bother you.
Apple's best invention.
Right after the Shuffle.
That thing was underrated.
Oh, this one's Michelle. I guess I better take it.
Go for Garret.
Uh, hey, Garret, where are the mushrooms?
I have no idea. Why did you call?
'Cause I am on a deadline and I gotta save my steps.
Where are the mushrooms, babe?
I don't know, uh... maybe check the cabinets?
Try the cabinets for the mushrooms?
- Yeah. - All right.
Uh, can you maybe find the mushrooms
and wash them for me?
That would be a huge help in prepping for Pradeep's.
- Yeah, sure. - God, I cannot wait
for this dinner tonight.
Oh, Ben! You shot me!
You were standing right in front of me, man!
Are you on two video calls at once?
Okay.
Love you.
And they say men can't multitask.
Um...
all right, I got another call. I gotta go.
Hi! I'm sorry to bother you.
- I'm sure you're crazy busy. - It's all good.
I just have a lot of work stuff.
- Why'd you call? - Okay.
Well, you know my cousin who's 40
and still trying to play pro football?
The one who sells used bouncy castles?
Surprise!
He made a racist Facebook post again.
You gotta get off Facebook, Annie.
Facebook is for cute kitten videos
and to see which one of your high school friends
joined a yoga pant pyramid scheme.
Can I just get your opinion on a comment I want to leave?
You always know what to say. Just blink if you hate it.
I can do that.
Okay, this is the first draft.
"Daniel, you're a sexist, racist pig,
- but it's not your fault." - Oh, no.
"The problem is systemic.
"You grew up shrouded in stupidity and ignorance.
"Saying 'all lives matter' is stupid.
"All lives can't matter until Black lives matter.
Can you even spell 'racist, ' racist?"
- Annie! - I'm almost done.
"But I love you and our family, so I'm calling you in online
in front of all your lame-ass CrossFit friends."
That's it.
Are you trying to embarrass your cousin
- or teach him? - Both.
Maybe embarrass a little more than teach.
Annie, your cousin's not gonna listen to you
if you try to make him feel stupid and embarrassed!
Well, maybe he should stop being stupid and embarrassing!
He wore a Big Dog t-shirt to my aunt's vow renewal.
Hey.
I'm so glad you could grace me by answering.
What an honor, Prince Benjamin.
All these white people keep calling me unannounced today.
I had to go 007.
Uh, you're a little more Austin Powers
- than James Bond, homey. - That's cool.
Austin Powers got Beyoncé.
Well, I saw your girl on Instagram Live recently
doing what she seemed to think was the Electric Slide
to a pop punk cover of "Superstition."
Okay, but the cover's by Fall Out Boy,
and Pete Wentz is Black.
Did you film that for her?
? We fall down... ?
Wow!
? But we get up ?
Listen, she's a mess!
She started setting out protest outfits
like she's headed to sexy anti-racism Coachella.
White people are wild. Wild!
Wild. And what's even more wild
are these reparations I've been Venmo'd.
- What? Like money? - Dinero.
Who are these white friends?
I got sent $15 from that guy
I used to work with at PetSmart
with that fake Australian accent.
- Oh, yeah. Michael with no M? - Yeah, Ichael.
And then this one white girl sent me $5 for an oat latte,
which is disrespectful.
Oat lattes are at least 7.
I just feel like I should give it back?
Oh, no, it's not worth the back and forth
for 20 bucks. You take that money.
Garret, where's my cover fire?
Sorry! I got distracted by the sea.
It looks better than real water!
Are you still playing video games with my husband?
Maybe you should live together.
Mm, that's not a bad idea, but where would you go?
Look, can you please ask my husband
if he washed the mushrooms
for Pradeep's distance dinner tonight?
Michelle wants to know if you did the mushrooms.
What? I don't like mushrooms.
He say he don't like mushrooms.
- They're not for him. - They're not for you, G.
- What did he say? - Listen.
Don't y'all live in the same house,
sleep in the same bed,
drink from the same expired Brita filter?
Why don't y'all talk to y'all selves?
I'm on a fixed minute plan.
No, Rufus, you cannot
citizen's arrest people for not wearing masks.
Did you know that slaves built the White House?
No, that's what you're calling me about?
I'm dealing with two separate deadlines right now!
What if we could pay the descendants?
- Are you talking about reparations? - I'm talking about reparations!
You're familiar with cryptocurrency.
You mean Silicon Valley Disney dollars?
Give every Black family in the United States Bitcoin.
All they would need is an external hard drive
and a smartphone. Preferably Android.
- This is... - I know!
I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner!
Reparations isn't some new idea you cooked up!
- It's been around. - Look.
40 acres and a mule could be 4.5 million bitcoin
and electric Heelys.
Assuming that Black people need the guidance
of a white man who only just a few days ago
started caring about these issues...
is a little racist.
What?
No, I...
I did research! I'm...
I'm not... I'm not a racist. Michelle...
I'm not calling you racist.
I'm saying this notion
that you are somehow better-equipped...
Look.
You can't just pop in and solve problems
you just recently started learning about.
That is literally colonizer behavior.
Ansel, you didn't do a single thing
I asked you to do!
No.
No, I n...
don't have time for you to do it wrong a second time.
I will just do it myself.
Rufus called. He's worried he upset you.
Oh, he didn't upset me. I'm fine.
Take a break.
Let's take a break! Smoke a clove.
I wish I could digress
to my college freshman self, smoke a clove,
and nap till "Judge Judy," but I got work to do.
I have the answer.
"Animal Crossing."
Ellis, you know I can't play video games
since I burnt that clown to death in "The Sims."
This is different! You sell goods,
hunt, fish, build, work, garden,
pay off your house. It's great!
Yes, because what I need is another mortgage.
But you pay it to a raccoon!
I'm lending you my Switch.
I'll drop it off on your doorstep later.
- You don't have to do that. - Quick question.
Have you masturbated today?
I have to go!
I'm serious! It's important.
- Also, let me send you a cake. - No!
Fine! Let me send you three cakes.
- I'm hanging up! - I'm sending the cake.
Promise me you'll masturbate after this call.
Damn.
These micro-reparations are weird,
but I guess they can be used for good.
I can't believe that people just gave you money.
Thanks for having food delivered here, by the way.
Oh, of course. The cake was all Ellis.
I wouldn't have asked for a cake, but...
a cake is what I wanted.
I could eat this meal for the rest of my life.
I wasn't gonna say anything,
but vanilla and pickles, that's a bold-ass combo.
Says the man who drinks mezcal with Tums chasers.
They cancel each other out!
That's just science, bruh.
You talk to my sister today?
Not really.
You might want to check on her.
I will.
- Oh! - Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Oh! - Coming around the back!
- Hey! - Coming around the ba...
- And boom! - Yes!
- We did it! - Yes!
Oh, God.
Please, don't be from work.
African-American CNN reporter
Omar Jimenez was arrested live on television.
Breonna Taylor did not receive
medical attention until 20 minutes
after she'd been shot five times by officers.
Look at the way they treated Kap!
They don't want change.
No justice! No peace!
Oh! Wine!
Hey, you excited for our socially distanced
- double date dinner? - Excited?
It has been the highlight of my week.
I am living for this dinner.
Ooh. Is Chef Garret
caramelizing some shallots while we chat?
I am the caramelizer today.
He is busy.
But I've seen him do it a million times.
What are they making in the "Bon Eateri"
test kitchen today?
Right. Um...
we can't watch that anymore.
Why? Did they go on hiatus?
No, they had some bad practices.
What do you mean? Like mold or rats?
Ooh, tax evasion?
No! They had race... ism.
No!
What? Another one? Come on!
They didn't hire any Black people.
But "Sex and the City" didn't have any Black people on it,
and we're on rewatch, what, like, number eight?
Yeah, but this is fresh off the press
and not, like, "Oops! It was the '90s!"
Oh, I take it work is nuts today, huh?
Yeah, I have to finish this decree by end of day,
but this is actually a comment for Annie to post
on her racist cousin's Facebook page.
Damn it, Annie, what? 36 gigabytes?
Why'd you send this to my work computer?
I do not need a PDF of your cousin's Facebook page!
Damn it, another revision? Why?
Do not die.
No! Do not crash!
Do not... save! Save!
It crashed.
Now press Shift, Control, X,
and everything should be back in place.
Yes! Oh, it's back!
Oh, my Go... oh, wait, let me check.
Oh... I lost three pages.
Okay, I guess I'm redoing three pages.
Rufus, thank you. I will talk to you soon.
Wait, Michelle, uh, I just...
wanted to apologize for earlier
when I was racist. I'm sorry.
- For racism. - Rufus, it's okay.
I know your heart's in the right place.
You just gotta do the work now.
Totally! Yeah, actually,
I found a list of books to read on being anti-racist
in my bathtub brew subreddit...
Is "White Fragility" on that list?
- First on the list. - Delete that list.
I will send you a new list.
Thank you so much.
I am so sorry, again,
and thank you, again, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for apologizing so much...
- I'm hanging up now! - Ah! Thank you.
I dropped the Switch on your porch.
- "Animal Crossing" is waiting! - Well, it's gonna have to.
You need to call your boss and tell him to eff off
and give you a week's paid vacation.
Oh, my God, I wish.
Didn't he fly to his private island to escape?
Anyone who needs the self-governance
of their own island needs to be put on a watchlist.
Oh, it's not one of the good islands.
It's in Canada.
Why are you cooking a mushroom feast alone?
Garret is dealing with stuff.
Aren't you dealing with stuff?
I can handle it. I always handle it.
Oh, okay, I gotta go.
I gotta rewrite these pages and finish this dish
so I can get wine drunk in Pradeep's yard tonight
and forget about everything else
for a couple of hours.
Well, let me know when you log in to "Animal Crossing."
I left you a little gift.
In the game!
Remember my boy Jaguar from my pottery class?
That white hippie dude with the goatee?
The crusty guy that ate cottage cheese with his hands?
Yeah. He, uh... sent me a TV.
He sent you a TV?
Yeah, but not just, like, any TV.
A 70-inch smart TV with a Wi-Fi hotspot.
- You have to give that back. - Do I, though?
I mean, you're the one who told me
to keep the money earlier today.
- Send it back. - How?
Now I gotta do more work than he did
just to click and buy it? That don't even make any sense.
He's gonna think that he's now absolved
of all of his racism, and he's not.
If I have to go out every day,
afraid that people might kill me...
I'm keeping that TV.
Oh, they redlined my entire document?
I have to revise it in, like, 30 minutes!
And... okay, I have to finish the post for Annie
and send the list to Rufus and get the Switch off the porch
and finish the mushrooms and change for Pradeep's.
How are you swinging all that?
Oh, no, no!
How do I burn shallots I was staring at?
Garret! Garret!
Garret, can you please take my mushrooms out of the oven?
Mm!
Mm! Mm! Mm!
Hi! What's up?
I've been thinking a lot about our talk earlier
about your cousin's Facebook post.
Oh, it's fine. I shouldn't have even...
- don't worry about it. - Check your email.
I wrote your response.
Michelle, this is perfect!
Oh, my God, I'm so smart.
Oh, could I add to this a little?
I just wanna toss in a couple four-letter words.
- Annie! - What?
- I meant "ugly" and "mean." - No!
No additions, no substitutions, no subtractions.
If you change anything, I will charge you
- my full hourly rate. - I will not add a thing.
I love not adding things.
This is perfect, and I will not change perfection.
Thank you.
No, no, hey!
Don't leave me out here in the rain, man!
- I think I'm done. - What?
We got this loudmouth nine-year-old
from New Mexico on the ropes!
All we gotta do is take the rusty hand grenade
and throw it down the abandoned coal mineshaft.
We're never gonna beat him.
He was audibly sucking on a juice box
while calling us nerds.
He does this all day, every day.
We can't win.
And I've thrown all the hand grenades
that I can throw.
All right.
Can I ask you something?
Should I keep that TV?
When you walk past that thing...
is it going to make you feel better...
or worse?
I don't know.
I'll talk to you later.
Hi, lovey. Where are you?
- Walking. - Walking?
Well, can you walk back now?
We gotta head to Pradeep's in, like, 15 minutes.
The stuffed mushrooms I made are so good,
there's not gonna be mushroom for dessert.
- Hello! How are you? - Hi. Yeah, Hi.
Who was that?
I have no idea.
All of these random-ass white people
keep waving and smiling at me.
Should we move?
Are we in a "Get Out" situation?
No one is moving!
Let's just shake off the day and have fun tonight
drinking wine with our friends
in the deep, deep, deep, background.
Baby, can you start heading home? We're gonna be late.
Huh? Oh, yeah. No.
I'm not going to that.
All right.
We don't have to go to Pradeep's and Richie's,
but can you at least please head home?
Sure.
I gotta go.
Hey, sweet girl!
I see I still have a daughter.
Hi, Mama.
Do you wanna pull back a bit so I can see both of your eyes?
Ah!
How are you?
Do you want 33 stuffed mushrooms
with a semisweet white wine drizzle?
No, baby.
How is Ms. Food Network doing?
I'm okay.
Uh, Ben seems a bit off, though.
You might want to call him.
I called you.
How are you doing?
You can't hide anything from me.
Um...
You know, today was pretty damn hard.
Everyone needed me. I...
I had to turn in a document for my job,
I had to revise it twice, take calls with all my friends,
I had to help all my work colleagues.
I had to explain reparations!
I know they all mean well, but um...
I just can't help everyone all the time, you know?
And, uh, Garret's going through it too,
um, but he's shutting me out,
and I get it, um, but it's hard.
It's hard doing everything for everyone
literally all by myself.
And the videos online
and the articles and the tweets...
It's just bad news after bad news after bad news.
And, um...
It's just, um, really hard to be Black right now.
You need to take care of yourself.
You're so important.
Remember your puppy dog friends from growing up.
What? What are my puppy dog friends?
All of your little friends that you had that needed help,
and you were always there to help them no matter what.
You could have a test or a recital,
but if one of your little puppy dog friends
went to whining, off you'd run!
Shelly!
You can't save everybody.
Taking care of yourself is just as important,
maybe even more important,
than being there for other people.
You are so incredible. So worthy.
You deserve joy.
But as a Black woman, the world expects you
to be parent, teacher, preacher,
fearless, fearful, strong, resilient,
gorgeous, humble, smart, simple, kind,
all at once!
But this is the thing.
Black women are not superhuman.
Black women cannot save everybody.
And you don't have to be a strong woman.
You just have to be a woman.
You can even be a weak woman!
You can be crying, flopping around,
saying no to everything.
But that does not make you any less of who you are.
Oh, I could remember when I was out there in the world, honey.
I was spreading myself so thin, you could see right through me.
I had to stop and say to myself,
"Dayleen, what are you doing?
"You can't fill somebody else's cup
if yours is already empty!"
- Do you hear me? - I hear you, Mama.
I love you, baby.
Thanks, Mama.
Oh, I needed this.
I really needed this.
Now, you tell that brother of yours
to pick up his phone.
I can see him over there reading my texts
and not responding.
He ain't slick!
Hey, love. I'm almost home.
Garret...
I love you, but...
today was tough, and I really needed you.
This is a hard week.
It's hard for me too, but we can't do this alone.
I know.
I feel like that's all I know, but...
I know. I'm sorry. I'll do better.
Well, you can start by calling Pradeep
and telling him we're not coming.
And while you do that, I am gonna look
for the bottom of this bottle of red.
Hey, did you know that you can put your phone
on "Do Not Disturb" so you can't get any calls?
What?
Go... can I rewind this whole day?
I know! I mean, like...
how did we not know this?
It's a total game-changer.
Speaking of games, I have a Switch now,
so I'm kind of a gamer.
You have a Switch?
Pfft...
You can't game! You're not a gamer!
Oh, uh, by the way,
I think I see you're getting a delivery.
I am? Oh, God!
Please tell me it's not from work!
It's not from work.
I'm not here.
Um... I know that you need your space.
I just want to make sure
that you have everything that you need.
No, no, no.
Come help me finish this bottle.
Okay.
Twist my arm.
Boop!
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --