Hey, can I get a...
Sorry, can I por favor get a shot of...
rum? Or...
ron? Do you know?
- What? - Never mind. Never mind.
Just thought maybe
- You look... - Mexican?
Like you party.
Kinda guy who has a good time.
You wanna dance?
Look I'm just passing through,
so you'll never see me again. If you're...
embarrassed by your moves...
I'm not embarrassed by my moves.
You know like dad dancing or whatever...
My YMCA is, is pretty excellent.
- So you here with with friends, or? - Stop over.
I fly to Buenaventura in the morning.
Colombia.
Brave guy.
Yeah I...
I should find my friends.
Should I find my friends?
Okay.
God.
- What? - What is that?
That piece of Tupperware strapped to your chest like a...
This right here, is my travel money belt okay?
- It holds my money, it holds my passport... - Yeah so do pockets.
- It's retro-chic - Okay.
- Cheers, stranger. - Cheers.
When in Mexico...
- I didn't catch your name. - What?
I didn't...
- Jonah. - Mateo.
- Yeah? - Yeah?
- Yeah. - All right...
www.subtitulamos.tv
- Well, you can use the shower if you want. - Cool.
- I'm good. - Yeah.
- I'm gonna use the shower - Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
- Yeah, I'm gonna head out. - Cool.
- I'll see you around? - Yeah. - Yeah.
Thank you for calling the US Embassy in Mexico.
Our offices are now closed until Tuesday
due to the Independence Day Celebrations.
Please call back later.
There were these kids on scooters,
they must have distracted me somehow
Okay, I have a flight in the morning I need to be on. I need my passport back.
Yeah, but you should never let them touch you.
I didn't let... Nobody touched me, okay?
I... I don't know how, but nobody touched...
me.
Wow, you picked up Spanish real quick.
I'd be careful, he's gonna steal more than just your virginity, buddy.
I'm gonna take this.
I'm pretty sure I paid for it.
Where's my money and where's my passport?
You have ten seconds
or I'm going to the police.
Yeah.
Your cards got declined, pretty quick
- Where's my passport? - Have a shot.
On me.
What are you doing?
I'm calling the police.
Who do not speak English.
Fine, I'll go in person and make sure you go to prison.
Let's not be hasty, bro.
You taking off your shorts was hasty, bro.
Listen, you can go to the police
and maybe they'll arrest me, maybe.
Spend what like ten minutes in a cell
but that kinda real estate be overcrowded,
so they let me out anyway
and you still miss your flight tomorrow.
Plus there'll be asking all these questions like,
- "What were you doing in the guy's room anyway?" - Are you slut-shaming me now?
What do you expect making love to guys you just met?
It was a mutual jerk-off,
and a pretty average one at that.
You can call the police or I can just get you your passport.
Fine.
- Let's go back to yours then. - Yeah, it's...
it's not at mine.
I kind of gave it to this girl Khaleesi, you know?
What? No, no, no, no.
I definitely do not know. Call her.
We're not really friends on that level, you know.
Never really too sure when to cross over into the number exchange.
Right, sure, now I get you.
You're just on the passing on stolen goods kinda level?
Where do we find her?
Let me just finish my drink first.
Can we go now? Bro?
So is this like your thing?
You find unsuspecting cute guys at bars,
screw 'em and then rob 'em?
They don't have to be cute.
This Khaleesi doesn't hand it over, I'm going to the police.
Worst case you reschedule your flight.
Sure the Colombians won't miss you.
I've zero dollars to my name
since you stole the last of my savings
and I'm pretty sure my travel insurance won't cover robbery by rubdown.
- Was that what the kids are calling... - And, by the way,
yeah, the Colombians will miss me, because I'm on my way to meet my soulmate.
Wait here. No no no. "Fool me once."
You looking for something?
Yeah, hi, we're here to see Khaleesi.
No, no, no. She's in a spiritual session.
Juanita will help.
Come, I'll bring your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.
No, no, we're not here to...
Juanita knows why you're here.
That's actually very impressive, Juanita.
Misdirection, art of distraction.
Think deeply about an aspect of your life you want clarity on.
Fine.
How is this night gonna end?
Let's start with romance.
The Wheel of Fortune.
Very promising.
There's a big turning point ahead in your love life.
Right. Yeah I know it is, but it's not him.
I'm en route to my soulmate.
That's actually why I need to see Khaleesi.
Right?
What?
Just feel kinda used.
You feel used? You're ridiculous.
Look, Juanita, I already know my future, okay,
because I took the test.
So your cards are gonna say
my soulmate and I are in Colombia in a very nice house.
With a couple of kids, maybe, a dog.
Happily ever after.
What's so funny?
Some of us want more.
Some of us want love,
the kind of love that you would take a bullet for.
And you need a test for that?
To get more out of your life?
Perhaps we leave it to Juanita to ask the questions, yes.
Yes, leave it to Juanita.
You need a test for that? To get more out of your life?
Maybe turn over another card.
I see.
- See what? - Perhaps these soulmate's
- finances are at risk. - No, no, no, no.
No, that's where your wrong, Juanita.
Miguel is a quantitative financial analyst.
Really?
You're uprooting your life for this guy? For Mundane Marco?
It's Miguel, okay?
And let's do another card, boom that one.
The Death card doesn't necessarily mean death.
The death card?
What do you mean death card? What happened to Wheel of Fortune? Very promising.
Pretty sure you asked, how's this night going to end?
How's your life insurance?
Okay, fine, fine, thank you very much, Juanita,
This was all very insightful,
but I think it's Jonah's turn?
Right? Maybe a little palm read.
From what I can see those hands have touched a lot of things that don't belong to them.
- He wasn't complaining when they were touching his dick. - Juanita.
Hello there, Khaleesi. Recognize me?
How about now?
I want my passport back.
I already passed it on.
You... you what?
Then un-pass it on.
There's a flight leaving at 8 a.m. and I have to be on it.
- It's 3K. - Three thousand dollars?
So I can buy back my passport with my face on it
because it's mine? How about no?
You need to go.
No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere without my passport.
How would you like it if I... If I took your stuff?
Like this,
Or...
- Or how about these, incense? - Don't!
- Jonah, catch. - No, stop!
- What about these? - Mateo, stop. Stop.
- I don't even know what these are. - Don't do that.
- Or how about the crystal ball. - Stop!
- No! No! - Yeah. Not so fun now.
that the shoes on the other foot, is it?
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to break it. I don't know what came over me.
How do you say sorry in Spanish?
- Run. - Run?
Run!
Hey, you not pay Juanita!
Hey, Jonah.
Jonah, I can't get a grip.
Who wears flip-flops on a night out?
We were at the beach.
- You think we losed them? - Yeah.
I think we lost them.
I don't even know what came over me.
What the hell was that?
My God.
So, Khaleesi, she said she passed my passport on,
- do you know where? - Look,
they're not going to give it to us without three grand.
Which neither of us have.
What about Manuel?
Miguel. What about him?
Well, you know, can he wire some money?
Yeah. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?
Hey, Miguel,
yeah, I know, we haven't met yet
but this guy seduced me to sleep with him, only to rob me.
And you wouldn't happen to have a three grand I could give him, would you?
- Hello? Miguel. - Well if he's your soulmate, yeah sure.
I'm not asking him.
You know?
I have an idea.
You could sleep with someone else and rob them, too?
I can get us the cash but
it's like an, I don't know, an hour's walk.
Unless you have that grand ol' better idea.
No.
No. No. No. No.
This is the bed you made.
Look, I'm letting you have the pretty one with the little basket and the little bow.
Hey, hey, no, no, no, we're just borrowing.
We'll bring them back.
Look, here, you have these.
As a deposit. Okay?
You wanna help?
Gringo.
Here, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Cool okay?
You get those. I have these.
Deal? Deal.
Okay.
We had a deal!
Can't believe we've done this!
Hey? Jonah?
What is this place?
What are we doing here?
- Have you ever raced a cockroach? - Raced a cockroach?
Was that some sort of sex thing?
I feel I need to say.
What you said before about me sleeping with you to mug you?
- I didn't. - Well, I'm pretty sure we just got chased by police
and stole some kids' bikes because you did.
I did mug you. And I did sleep with you.
But I didn't do the latter for the former.
I have no idea what you're saying.
I didn't sleep with you, to mug you.
I slept with you. And then I mugged you.
Right.
Right. Well I'm glad we cleared that up
Never mind.
Okay.
I can't see a thing.
Jonah?
Take off your shirt.
What? Why? No.
- Just take it off. - No, I'm not. I get self-conscious.
- I've seen your o-face, so think we're past that. - Fine.
Do you mind explaining to me,
how this helps me board my flight in eight hours?
What are you... What is that? That is cold and wet.
- It's paint. - Paint? Good.
Why are you painting me?
Okay, now you're good.
Right?
Yeah this is great. What are we doing here?
My guy's not here yet.
- Your guy's not here? - No.
All right.
I'm Jonah.
Hi, Jonah.
There he is.
He's here.
Give me your hand.
You gonna read my palm?
This is only 200.
That watch was at least three.
Then you better win so we can buy it back. Come on.
So you literally meant cockroach racing.
Wait? What?
Hold on. One more bet. One more bet.
That's all we've got. That's all we got.
Pick one. Put it in there.
- I'm... I'm not doing that. - You want your passport back or not?
Fine!
- What do I do? - You got to pick one,
- and you going to leave it in there. - Any one? - Any one.
Okay.
All right.
Dammit.
That's gross. Damn it. All right.
- We got the pink one. - We got the pink one.
Come on.
- Go, come on. - Go, go, go, go.
Come on baby. Come on baby.
- I won. - You won. - You won.
We won.
You won.
So you're just passing through, eh?
I am.
- Just been passing through for a couple years. - Right.
And before you turned into the Artful Dodger?
I'm just kinda backpacking, you know?
I landed here.
Hotels were cheap.
Booze was cheap. So, just kinda stayed.
And are you content with that?
I'm not so much carpe diem as just get through the diem.
What would you do?
If you weren't here right now? What would you do?
I'd be back with the sexy Spaniard at the bar
before you came crashing in and stole his drink.
Seriously.
What's the fantasy?
A farm.
A farm?
No. No. No. This is stupid.
I'm sorry. No, I was just picturing you in the overalls
and the... and the straw hat.
- What, this turning you on? - It's starting to a little bit. Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit. Go on. I want to hear.
I...
I just...
My mom, until she passed,
we used to have this little patch of dirt on our balcony
I don't know it was like this little piece of tranquility
among the sea of concrete.
I just wanna grow stuff.
You know. Fruits of my labor, you know?
Like...
Like there's this earth, and these things, they just grow and survive
no matter the politics or the crime and...
and like oceans and stars
and, we're worrying about, you know swiping left or right
or how many likes we get, and...
and there's like this...
there's like this tree...
I'm really high.
Do it.
Get yourself a farm.
Where there's a will there's a way.
My head's spinning.
You know what you said before about...
about the house and the kids,
that why you took it?
I mean would you... you never thought about taking it?
- What's the point? - What's the point?
You don't believe in love?
Just not for me.
Let's do this. Come on.
Damn it, azul.
- We're still up a thousand dollars. - Okay, we're good.
Maybe we shouldn't...
A thousand?
She just bet a thousand dollars?
You just bet a thousand dollars.
That's all we have left.
- You gotta go all in. - I can't go all in.
I can't put a thousand dollars on a cockroach.
Come on. Juanita give you the Wheel of Fortune.
Juanita? Wheel of...
Okay. Fine. Fine. Yeah,
a thousand dollars on Rosada por favor.
- Yeah, I can't watch. - Go, go, go.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Yeah, come on. It's his house. It's his house.
Take it home. Take it home. Come on.
It's good. It's good. It's good.
What? No, no.
- What's happening? - What? What? What?
My God. Interference.
Aren't they... What is... what is that?
What is she doing?
Azul is eating Rosada.
Rosada.
Come on, look.
Let's go, come on.
How'd they even know that we'd be there?
It is only a broken crystal ball.
I'm not exactly criminal numero uno.
- I will not survive in a Mexican jail. - No?
Think you'd look pretty cute in an orange jumpsuit.
It's not funny.
All right. What now? Where to?
Nothing and nowhere.
You know, seeing how we lost all our money.
And I don't think they're going to accept kids' fireworks as payment.
Our last chance is...
To steal it back.
Quiet!
What is this place?
A less legit version of US embassy.
What, do you want me to walk in there all by myself?
Fine. Fine, I'll just do it.
Can't we both go?
You stay here. Keep watch.
Watch what?
Screw this.
- Did you get it? - Jesus!
I thought I told you to wait outside.
What the hell is this place?
That's a bazooka.
And this is like the Mafia equivalent of Costco.
Keep your voice down.
Make yourself useful. Go.
I got it!
I got it. I got it.
I can't believe it's me.
I always hated this photo, but now I could just...
We did it.
- Can I just... - What?
What do you think's gonna happen?
You're gonna rock up to Buenaventura and...
Be with my soulmate?
- I don't know what you're asking. - Like you...
You're gonna what, just become this other person?
You've known me for all of eight hours.
And in those eight hours I can see you're a total mess.
Give me my passport.
- Bye, then. - Yeah?
Yeah.
Are we trapped?
- We're gonna... - Shut up for a second.
- It's the police. - The police?
- The police are here? - With guns.
Okay.
I'm turning myself in.
I'll wash dishes, I'll pay for that crystal ball.
First of all, they're not after you, Not everything is about you.
Second of all, they're corrupt.
And I owe them quite a lot of money. And third of all...
I can't believe you made me think that the police were after me this whole time!
Keep it down!
I should've just gone back to my hotel room,
jerked off, and gone to Colombia.
And why didn't you? Mateo?
Why are you here?
I'm here because you've apparently ripped off
every single person in this town.
Why were you at the bar?
Why did you hook up with me?
You're intentionally delaying going to meet him.
That's ridiculous.
What's ridiculous is that you have a soulmate,
the perfect person for you,
and you waste a night on a piece of crap like me.
You should be running, and fricking swimming for you to get there faster.
- Keep it down. - But you're not.
Because your gonna have to face up to the fact that maybe this grown up Mateo
that you think is waiting for you, isn't actually all that great.
and maybe this drunken mess, who can't get into anything much less than a relationship,
is actually your best self.
Why are you so angry with me?
Because I want you to stay.
I want you to stay with me.
What the hell is going on?
Jonah?
Hey, Natalia.
You got my money?
Her, too? Really?
Okay.
Hey, you're here.
- What is he saying? - He's saying...
- Finish them. - Finish them.
I got that.
Three hours till take-off.
Are you laughing or crying, Jonah?
Why are you laughing?
Juanita was right.
There will be a big turning point in your love life.
I hope my soulmate can accept that.
- Oh, my God. - What did you say?
It's just a stupid thing I say.
You took the test?
Yeah.
I was actually on my way to see him.
Sofia! Sofia, get in here!
Yeah, what is it?
This muchacho took the test.
Says he has a match.
If you look at,
grab my...
See?
What's his name?
Miguel.
Miguel!
How sweet.
I took the test, too.
But look.
I'm sure your alma gemela will take the test soon.
Of course, yeah.
What are you...
You... you letting me go?
We can go?
- We're gonna live. - No.
He stays.
You...
you have a soulmate.
He's just a thieving piece of shit.
Go.
- Jonah? - No. No. No.
You have a whole future waiting for you. Go meet Miguel
and live a long happy life.
And don't come back.
- I can't... - Go, Mateo.
Go!
The Wheel of Fortune.
Turn around.
And get down.
Sofia.
I don't wanna watch.
Jonah!
Misdirection!
I told you not to come back for me.
Stop trying to tell me what to do.
Come on!
Jonah.
Jonah, you're shot.
No shit. Come on.
Okay, okay. We need to get you to a hospital.
No. No hospitals. Come on.
Get on the Bike.
This our E.T. moment.
I'd prefer a Top Gun.
- Stop whining. - Hurry up.
Really?
You know I didn't mean it literally, right?
About wanting a guy take a bullet for me.
Yeah, baby!
What?
- Yeah I really smell. - You do.
Is that shower offer from earlier still on the table?
Not a chance.
So is this where you ask me to stay,
and we can burn the city up together?
I think we've done enough damage, you know.
All right.
Goodbye, Mateo.
You're gonna run after the taxi, right?
Turn around now.
Stop, stop, stop.
Here,
a Spanish dictionary.
You need to be able to speak to Miguel.
Don't screw it up.
He has a really boring job.
No, boring might be good for you.
Sometimes choosing love is choosing to let it go.
That's how you say beer, right?
I guess you'll find out.
You really should be more careful, you know?
They're some dodgy people in this town.
What are you doing?
Just passing through.
See, I was on my way to meet someone.
On my way to find myself.
'Cause I thought that this person could help me find me.
But then I realized...
Only I can do that.
So I got off the plane,
and it was the first real choice I've ever made.
What about you?
I'm just passing through too, you know.
While I sort my shit out.
Maybe...
maybe we could pass through together.
- Really? - What was that?
You have to give me a forewarning. You can't just...
www.subtitulamos.tv