God damn it!
You gotta be kidding my ass.
This game would be way easier without that net thingy.
This game would be easier if my partner
could hit the dumb ball over it!
I'll hit dumb you over it!
Are we playing tennis here, or what?
Seriously, Darby. Are we playing tennis here, or what?
'Cause these don't really seem like the rules.
What? These are totally the rules.
That's three strikes, Hudson.
Debbie, you're up.
- What? - What's the score?
103 to 48 love.
I love you, too, sweetie.
But don't butter me up while I'm serving!
Yeah, I'm pretty sure these aren't the rules.
And it's good!
You're throwing heat today, Deb.
You're my queen, bitch.
Well, that's tennis for ya.
Again, I don't think it is.
Ahoy there!
Hope I'm not crashing, but I was just over the hill
getting my potato salad picnic on when...
what do you know!
I got served a side of this.
Tell you what, someone here's got one hell of a forehand.
You play?
Doug. And busted.
I'm a bit of a tennis nut, to tell you the truth.
Ha, that's funny.
I'm a bit of a "bears named Doug" nut.
Down, Debbie.
Scusi, we playing here?
Seven points! Hat trick.
Tell you what, if you add a little slice to that,
you'll cut the court in half. May I?
There you go.
Sorry, Marny!
Neat, right? That's called a "continental."
Doug, not to be too forward here,
but would you wanna maybe join us?
Really?
Sure. Why not?
Let the game begin!
In!
_
In!
All right!
Doug's the best!
Now, that's how you play tennis.
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All right, gang. Well, I think I'd better head out.
Come on! Doug!
- No, come on! - No.
You're not going nowhere.
Sorry guys, but naps don't take themselves.
Am I right?
There you go.
- Yeah. - That's so Doug.
Hey, maybe we'll get a regular game going or something?
- Yes, please! - I call partners with Doug!
- Penciling in some Doug. - Does you shit in the woods?
Catch ya later, Douglas.
All right, see you guys. Godspeed to you.
Geez.
What time did you guys get here?
- Ass-crack of dawn. - I slept here.
I physically couldn't leave.
This game isn't gonna perfect itself. Am I right?
That's so Doug.
Doug's sense of humor.
One of my favorite things about him.
I like his raw sexual energy.
I like his intense but fair competitive spirit.
I like how he's a blank slate for you guys to project onto.
I like how he's my dad.
You know, I was thinking.
Why not ask Doug to just move to the zoo?
Yeah, we could use some fresh bear blood around here.
Rest in peace, Lionel.
I say fuck yeah!
I second that fuck yeah!
Girl, you know I'm 'bout to hibernate with him so hard.
Well, then it's settled.
We'll invite Doug to join us permanently
just as soon as he gets here.
Where is Doug? I'm freaking out!
Guys, Doug is gonna show up. Okay?
Everyone relax.
'Scuse me, guys. Mind if we get a game in?
I'm 'bout to fuck you up!
Dah.
What would Doug do if he were in this situation?
I know what he'd do.
He'd go find Doug.
I'll bet he lives in a cave
with wall-to-wall shag carpeting.
Or maybe with the furs of his vanquished opponents.
I'll bet he lives in a big white mansion on a hill.
Above the door in giant gold letters:
D-U-G-E.
"Doug."
God, do you guys hear yourselves?
You're being so ridiculous.
Doug obviously lives in a tastefully appointed
ranch-style home with 360 light sourcing
and open floor planning.
Or... a sick-ass trailer.
Potato salad.
It's Doug, all right.
Simple, elegant, economic. Obviously.
- Baller! - Pure sex.
Advantage: Doug.
Hey. This is cool, right?
Just us showing up unannounced?
- No big deal. - Are you kidding?
He's gonna be pumped!
Yeah! We can help him with his weird itch.
His what now?
_
Surprise!
Hello?
We'll just pretend nothing happened.
Exactly. Nothing has to change because of this.
What are they talking about?
I don't know.
Everyone just act normal.
- It's not a big deal at all. - Ahoy there!
No, did I interrupt a private moment?
What are you ta... private moment?
Bah. No way! I mean... Who's interrupting a private moment?
'Cause it's not us.
Right, guys?
I am so sorry about yesterday, guys.
I just couldn't come.
Doug, you have nothing to apologize for, okay?
Great. Okay, good.
Well, in that case, why don't you grab your balls,
and let's get our stroke on!
God.
_
Hey, Viv. Save your energy on second serve, okay?
If you keep cranking 'em out like that,
you're gonna blow your load!
That's it! I can't take it anymore!
Hey, you'll get a handle on it. Just find a firm but comfortable grip.
These can't be coincidental terms and phrases!
Look at the time.
It's tea time for this feline.
I will look at the time, and would you look at the time?
- Why does everyone sound like they're lying? - Catch you later!
I mean... shit. Ignore me, ignore me.
Okay, well,
see you around, I guess.
Well...
night!
Fuck! Everything's changed.
God! What is our problem?
It's totally natural.
Totally. I do it every day.
Me too.
Heck, I'm sorta doing it right now.
We are the worst!
I mean, where do we get off?
Glenn, that's it!
It is? Epiphany?
We need to show him
the same vulnerability he showed us.
You're not suggesting we let him...
catch us?
It's the only way.
We do it for Doug. Tit for tat.
Ooh, I call tit.
Yeah, okay. You're right.
We gotta do it.
- For Doug. - For Doug.
I'm still not sure exactly what's going on,
but if it's for Doug, I'm in.
Great. Here's what we do.
Ahoy, there's... no one here.
_
A note.
"Hi, Doug."
Aw, hi, guys.
"We're in the amphitheater."
Cool.
_
Sorry for chickening out, y'all.
Makes two of us, padre.
Lost the nerve.
Me three. Terrible idea.
I don't know what I was on.
Well, your prude asses are welcome.
As they say in tennis,
old Debbie knocked it out of the park.
No.
Yes.
And he got the full show.
God. No.
Well, now he's definitely not coming back.
Godspeed, Doug.
Godspeed.
- Doug the bear. - Dance with the wolves, Doug.
Shine on, you crazy Doug.
Remember me, Douglas.
Come on, guys. This tennis ain't gonna play itself.
- Am I right? - I call end zone!
- May the games resume! - I call not Hudson's partner!
- All right, hustle up! - Dibs on Deb!
Tennis time, grab your bats.
Glenn, you're on second.
Well, here come the playoffs.
That's what he was doing.
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