_
- _ - Coronavirus crisis explodes across the nation.
Stay home and save lives.
In Los Angeles, officials managing
the emergency response say the power to beat COVID-19
lies with every American.
President Trump wants to reopen the country
by Easter Sunday.
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --
_
Hello?
- Annie? - Ben!
Hi! Wait, it's not 8:30 yet.
You said 8:15.
No, I 100% said 8:30.
You did? That's it.
My mind is broken.
No, it's okay, your mind's not broken.
I put my running shoes on this morning
before I hopped in the shower.
Oh, yeah, maybe your mind is a little broken.
It's broken.
All these stores are closed.
I can't even go get it fixed.
Well, since I have you here,
- I wanted to run something... - Wait.
- By you. - Then why are you here?
Honestly, I keep this on for company sometimes.
You keep a live video chat on for c... why?
In case the FBI gets bored?
It's like an aquarium!
In what sense?
In that it's rectangular,
you know, and maybe one of you will swim by, bloop bloop.
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Ben, it's 2020.
What, are you trying to jinx us?
Last night, I fell asleep playing solitaire.
Last night, I put on Lana Del Rey
and slow-danced with myself.
Sometimes I prop up my jiu-jitsu grappling dummy,
put him in a chair,
and have lunch with him.
Sometimes, I stuff pillows
in one of my jumpsuits and take a nap with it.
Wait, these are fake, right?
- These are fake or real? - No, all of mine are real.
'Cause I'm real.
How's Jazmin?
Probably gonna say "bad."
Yeah, I was gonna say, "Not good."
Are you drinking butterscotch schnapps
straight out the bottle?
Oh, this is butterscotch peach.
- How are you? - Oh, I've been better.
Lot of me time, you know?
Oh, I do.
I just wish I had a roommate or something.
- About that, I... - What are you listening to?
- Oh, The Band. - Yeah, which one?
No, that's the name of the band.
Seems kind of lazy, but okay.
I don't know, old music, old movies, old TV shows.
It's kind of the only thing soothing the anxiety.
Also, I'm re-watching "Cheers" from the beginning.
"Cheers"! That's what your background is!
Sam Malone, represent!
Sam Malone did not wear an apron!
Carla.
Get Norm here a beer before he drives home!
I'ma call mayday
on that Mayday Malone impression.
I almost didn't do it.
But you have to live life on the edge.
Plus, I'm more of a Carla, anyway.
Oh, come on, you're definitely Diane.
- You think so? - Hell yeah.
I always thought Sam should've moved in
- a little faster on her. - I agree!
Anyway, how you holding up with the whole...
The whole "Paz dumping me
before a global pandemic" thing?
Yeah.
Yeah, not great, if I'm being honest.
Kind of a weird time to be super extra alone.
Yeah, I feel you.
You know what I was thinking about today?
Global human extinction, buying me an aquarium...
Chicago.
- Aw, Chicago. - Remember?
Of course, I remember!
- That was such a good time! - That was such a weird day.
- Uh... why was it a weird day? - I... I don't know!
I was there visiting my dumb friend who flaked on me.
You were on that crazy ten-hour layover
on the way to see your dad...
What's crazy about saving $1,000?
Nothing! I'm just saying it's weird
we both ended up there separately
with a whole day to kill,
walking around a city neither of us are from.
The pretzel vendor who thought we were newlyweds.
The guy that scammed us for 20 bucks,
said his wife was "in the hospital"
and he "needed to get there."
We don't know that he scammed us.
What if it was real?
Right. I mean, it totally wasn't.
But what if it was? What's worse?
Right. It was a good scam.
It's probably karma for the free pretzel.
What made you think about that?
I don't know. Just popped in my head.
Well, speaking...
of things popping into heads,
I kind of have a crazy... Pradeep!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Shut up! They'll hear you!
Is someone in your house?
We found you, we found you!
You're stupid, Daddy P!
Okay! I'm stupid.
Ya found me!
Now go find Daddy R now, okay?
I'm gonna hide again.
Now, remember, I never hide in the same place twice.
So don't come here!
Go get Daddy R!
Go get him!
- Where's Daddy R hiding? - In the trunk of the car.
He's got a book, that son of a bitch.
How are you doing, Pradeep?
Well, I've been better.
I think I hate my kids!
Nah, you love your kids. You've got great kids!
Oh, I used to think that, too,
because until recently,
I didn't spend all my time with them!
Richie's the home parent, and Richie knows what's what.
He's been worried about our kids
being jerks for a while, and I'd be like,
"No, they're not," 'cause honestly?
Most of the time when I'm home, they're asleep.
But now I've got the full picture.
And I don't like who they are.
They're not nice people.
You love them! You're just sick of them.
It's a cabin fever thing.
Sure.
Ellis!
- Hello. - Ellis!
You okay over there?
I've been better.
Is Jazmin really gonna join? I'm worried about her.
I know. We all are.
She's been M.I.A. since this whole thing started,
so when she replied to the group chat tonight
that she was actually gonna join,
I was kind of, like, relieved but also nervous, you know?
I'm worried about you, Ellis.
You seem a little off.
- You wanna talk? - I don't know.
It's stupid.
I know there are real problems in the world.
Hey, no, the world is on fire right now.
Every problem is a valid problem.
It just, um...
You know, it slammed into me today.
The NBA is not coming back this year!
- Oh, my God... - Oh.
I said I know there are bigger problems!
Every problem... Every problem is bigger!
You are not a Clippers fan, Ben.
You don't understand.
You're right, I don't understand!
They have been my team for 15 years, all right?
Ever since I moved here.
15 years of brutal, relentless,
humiliating disappointment.
Weren't the Lakers ahead of the Clippers?
Oh, it was still the regular season.
You think Kawhi is gonna go full-out before the playoffs?
That is not his way, Annie!
That is not his way!
Come on, it's just one year,
and then they'll be back to their balls.
And it's not just the Clippers.
All right, I need sports in my life.
I think my brain is always thinking about sports
in the background in a way that's actually
very therapeutic for me,
and now that I don't have any of them,
all that extra brain space has just diverted back
into anxiety and neurosis.
What about those marble races on YouTube?
Rigged.
Blue Swirly wins way too often.
I can't invest.
Guys, I miss our Sunday dinners.
I just need to feel like an adult
for, like, five seconds, please?
You wanna feel like an adult?
How about paying me that 20 bucks you owe me?
Will you relax with the 20 bucks, Ellis?
I will get you the 20 bucks!
It... it's just that Richie handles the Venmo,
and I haven't asked him yet.
I think you're still too scared
- to tell him you lost at poker. - No!
I don't even like poker!
I just do it for the socializing.
The game is virtual, but your debts are not.
- All: Garret! - Hi, everybody.
Did we miss Jazmin?
I have been having some crazy stress dreams
about her and Greg.
He told me that she moved to another part of the house.
- That's insane. - She hasn't joined yet.
- You're good. - Okay. Great.
Uh, I gotta go. Michelle is getting out
of her sound bath, and I have to shock the noodles
in cold water, or the whole dinner is ruined.
- I'll be back in a bit, okay? - What does that mean?
What are you making? Can I have some?
Oh... hold up. Uh...
actually, I'm gonna take this. I'll be right back.
Ben, Ben, Ben! Be...
Annie, did you ask him?
- Not yet. - Wait, ask him what?
Annie gave Ben an earlier start time
so she could ask him to move in with her.
What? Annie!
We're supposed to be social distancing!
- What are you, our parents? - Oh!
I think it's fine.
- Kids: Found you again! - Ah! I'm not here!
Go look for spiders in the attic!
Ben is incapable of being alone.
If we wait too long, he's gonna end up marrying
a Postmates driver.
Yeah, but asking him to move in with you
is your opening move?
It's not some stranger, Ellis, it's Ben!
We've been friends for four years,
and we... and we've always had this thing.
We just... we've never been single at the same time, so...
what if we just move in, and then we see what happens?
I support you?
- I guess, is what I'm doing? - Thank you.
It just seems like a very intense way
- to start a relationship. - So?
It's intense!
I love it.
I think it's great.
He was with Paz for way too long.
- Way too long. - You know, that bitch
never asked me a single question about myself?
Two years together and not a single question?
All right, she is selfish. She's boring!
I never got the allure.
She is qualitatively hot.
- Ugh. - No!
No, that's not what we're doing.
One, no she's not. Two, it wears off.
Nuh-uh-uh-uh-uh. She is vapid hot.
That doesn't fade.
So what happened, Annie? You chicken out?
No, we just got caught up talking about schnapps
and Jazmin and Chicago, and then Pradeep logged on.
I'm sorry! How long does it take to say,
"Ben, will you move in with me?"
- There you go. - Maybe it's a sign.
Maybe it's fate that I just shouldn't do this.
No, no, no, no, no, no. You are doing this.
Annie, this is the most interesting thing
in my life right now!
Do you want us to log off
- so you can ask him? - No!
No, no, no. That'll be weird.
No. I'll just do it at...
? The first Noel ?
? The angels did scream ?
Hey, Ben.
I'm just singing "First Noel" to everyone.
I don't think that's how that goes, though.
That was Paz.
She wants to move back in with me.
Oh! I think you guys are frozen.
Oh, never mind. You're back.
Wait.
Paz wants to move back in with you
in the middle of a pandemic.
I mean, it'd be nice to have someone around.
Totally! Someone for sure.
Like maybe, um...
and this is just, like, off the top of my head here...
So-so-so, like, have you guys been, uh, talking, or, uh...
I mean, a little.
I've been pretty lonely, and... you know.
She's had some time to think recently.
Oh, has she? Has she had some time?
Yeah, she thinks maybe...
breaking up was a mistake.
That's what she said? She said "maybe"?
Yeah.
She called and said that maybe
she should move back in.
Look, I know we weren't perfect together, but...
going through all of this alone isn't exactly...
I mean, I don't know. Maybe I can't wait on perfect.
What do you guys think?
I mean, what we think is kind of secondary...
I don't know, Ben, this is your life.
What does your sense of dignity
and self-respect tell you to do?
Honestly, where the world is at right now,
I'm... I'm kinda leaning towards...
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
I will say this.
I feel like a lot of people are making
poor decisions right now.
100%.
I just ordered a PlayStation 4
so I can watch the computer play "NBA 2K20."
They're stressed out!
They're anxious about the future, they're...
- Horny. - Lonely.
Lonely, yes.
It's like 11:00 p.m. on prom night.
Like, a lot of bad decisions about to be made.
Also, I don't like this whole "maybe" part.
Maybe breaking up was a mistake. Mm-mm.
Plus, she has those night terrors.
Remember the time she punched you in the Adam's apple?
So you all think this is a bad idea?
Eh... again.
This is your life.
- Your rela... no! - Kids: Hi!
But knowing what you know, what do you think?
What do you think about what?
Oh, my God, Rufus, what is happening over there?
Rufus, you okay, buddy?
Uh... I've been better.
Are you wearing a mask indoors?
Yeah. You're welcome.
Rufus, we've been over this.
Masks are for outdoors.
No, no, no, no, no. We've been over this.
Masks are for surviving.
Should I be wearing a mask indoors now?
No!
Well, I don't know... Do you want to die? 'Cause...
No! Rufus! Stop scaring everybody!
As you will recall, flashback,
about a month ago,
I said we should be wearing a mask
whenever we leave the house.
And what did you do? You laughed at me.
- You laughed! - You laughed!
We... we didn't laugh. The CDC said we didn't have to.
- And then they said we did! - Ah, yes, the CDC.
Your beloved CDC!
Oh, well, guess who got it wrong?
I have it on very good authority,
mask on, all times. I sleep in this.
Pretty sure that's not safe.
Maybe you should put some pillows
over your face, really smother the virus out.
Where are you getting this information?
I have a friend.
A very direct friend.
Who knows a guy very high up at the CDZ.
You mean the CDC?
No, Ben, the CDZ.
The Cody Dawkins Zone. It's a podcast.
Wait, who's Cody Dawkins? Is he a doctor?
He was. He was a doctor.
No! Annie, don't list...
Rufus, stop it! You're wrong about this.
You were wrong about the sipping hot water thing,
and the laying the clothes out in the sun thing.
Neither of those have been disproven!
The virus is surrounded by a very thin layer of fat...
No, you're wrong, you're just wro...
Ah! Halloween candy!
- Kids: Candy! - Rufus!
Take off that mask!
I'm tired of talking about this!
Ben!
What are you gonna do?
I don't know, I'm probably just
- gonna keep wearing mine outside. - Not about the mask!
About Paz!
What's happening with Paz?
She wants to move in with Ben.
No, I'm sorry, I can't allow that.
- Um... - I guarantee you, Ben,
Paz has not been keeping a tight quarantine.
Yeah, I mean, if we were talking
about someone like... Annie...
you know, that'd be totally fine!
Okay, we don't need to talk about this anymore!
What? It's a compliment! Annie keeps a tight Q! Respect!
Hi, guys! Sorry we're late.
Oh, my God, what is that?
What is that? Is that takeout?
Why don't you just go lick a glove from a shopping cart?
No, Garret made ramen.
Like, he spent all day making noodles from scratch.
Yeah, the secret is that you have to bake
the baking soda first,
and Michelle is making these amazing pastries.
Yeah, and he keeps eating them.
I found a recipe for croissants
that I was gonna try.
But I didn't.
Yeah, I didn't do it.
Well, we're gonna make you some.
As soon as everybody can have dinner
together again, this is first up.
I mean, I feel like you can just send it to us now
if we just wash our hands and socially distance.
- No. - How are you guys doing over there?
- You know, we've been better. - We're okay.
- Have you? - What?
Been better?
All the cooking, the date nights.
The yarn wall thingies.
- Both: Macramé. - Right.
It kinda seems like you guys are thriving.
- No, I wouldn't go that far. - Thriving?
- No. - I wouldn't say "thriving."
This is peak Garret and Michelle. No hate.
Michelle, you're my sister, I love you.
Everyone is having a different experience.
It's okay if yours happen to be a good one.
Quarantine is super dope!
Ah! Sorry!
Okay, no, no, no, no!
That sounds really, really bad.
We... we know that there is
a lot of hurt right now. - Yes.
And we are giving a lot of money to charity,
and Michelle is making masks for the hospital.
- Oh, they're so cute! - And needed!
So cute and so needed!
But if we're being honest...
We needed this!
So bad!
I am so thrilled that I get to spend
every day with my wife,
doing all of my passions;
cooking, gardening, fixing this place up.
You know, we've got this, like,
homesteader vibe going on.
We're like New Age frontiers people.
I don't want it to end. Is that weird to say?
I know parts of this are very, very bad,
but some of this is so great for us right now!
Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late.
The Wi-Fi in my basement is terrible,
so I decided to try you from the hospital
before I head home.
Hey, Jazmin. How are you?
I've been better.
I miss you guys. I miss you so much.
What's great for you, Garret?
I could use some great right now.
Garret, Michelle,
were you guys just saying something?
- I don't recall. - No. Absolutely not.
Y'all were so excited earlier.
Yeah, Michelle, you were talking about, like,
- homesteading, and... - No, I was not, Pradeep.
We just got here also.
Okay. Well, what are you eating?
That looks amazing!
- It's not great. - It's trash. I hate it.
How's New York?
You don't want to know.
- Yeah. Yeah, we do. How you holding up?
How am I holding up?
Uh, well...
I haven't hugged my kids or kissed my husband
in four weeks.
I get up three hours after I go to bed.
And... each shift starts with a meeting
where we go through all the things we don't have
and what our plan is to deal with that.
And those meeting last
a really long time because we don't have anything.
And I'm trying to be clinical and objective
where I need to be, and sympathetic
and compassionate when I can be, but then...
all of a sudden, I have to decide
who gets a ventilator and who doesn't.
I mean, do you give it to the old guy?
In bed number 13?
Because he probably needs it more.
And because old people have as much right
and desire to live as the young people do.
And, even though you don't want to admit it to yourself,
there's a small part of you, every time you look at him,
you think, "Holy hell. He looks just like my father."
Or do you give to the woman in her 40s in bed number 7?
Who just got remarried, and is spending her honeymoon
in the ICU, even though she's probably got
a better shot at surviving without it.
But then, also, what if she doesn't?
You know, just imagine that. For a second.
And then you stop, and you think,
"What an insane question
"for a doctor to have to ask herself
"in the middle of a hospital
in the middle of a city in America."
But then, suddenly, surprise.
You don't have to make that decision after all
because another ventilator has suddenly become available,
and you try not to think too hard...
about why that might be.
You just say, "Great."
You know, "Tell the vent tech to hook them both up
"when he's back from whatever extended dinner break
he's taking, and I'm going home."
And you try to sleep for three more hours,
and then you get up, and you do it all again.
Only when you get to work,
you find out that both your patients are alive,
but neither of them have been ventilated,
and when you ask why that is, they say,
"Because one of the things you don't have today
is a vent tech."
And when you ask why that is, they say,
"Because... he's in bed number three."
And also...
It just hit me like a piano smashing down on me that...
The Clippers are not coming back this year.
We had momentum.
We had the team, and I had really good tickets
for when they play the Knicks and the Nets.
And all of that is just gone now.
It's not coming back.
Those were really great seats.
Right?
When I came to visit and you took me,
- I felt like pre "Lemonade" Beyoncé. - Me too!
We were like double-2003 Beyoncés
watching Kawhi dunk on everybody's heads.
Rufus, take that thing off your face
before I reach through the screen and rip it off myself.
- Thank you! - Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah, you know, Ben's thinking
about letting Paz move back in.
No! What? Don't do that!
That's what I said! That's what I said!
How short is your memory? Has history taught you nothing?
What are any of us doing?
Annie, tell Ben you love him already.
Uh...
- Oh, my God! - Ben, I didn't...
I never said... I'm so sorry!
Wait, wait, what's wrong with his fac...
- Oh, he's frozen. - Ben, can you hear us?
I don't think he can hear us.
Oh, thank God.
- Jazmin! - I'm sorry!
I told you I was tired! It just came out!
It's okay! But maybe put it back in.
Annie, I would never!
No, it's fine, I know. I know.
I can't even imagine what I would be saying
if I was you right now.
I do! I love him! I love Ben!
I just want to tell him when...
? When Annie was in Egypt's land ?
? Let my Annie go ?
Hey, Ben.
I was just singing "Let My Annie Go."
Sorry, my internet crapped out.
I'm telling you, if we could get phones
on this Verizon network,
our connection would be awesome.
Uh, Ben, where'd we lose you, buddy?
What was, uh...
what was happening at that point?
You were threatening to beat up Rufus through your phone screen.
- Oh, yes! - Oh!
Terrific! - Bad Rufus.
- That's great. - 'Cause Rufus is the worst.
- Excuse me? - I'm sorry, you're the worst.
I love you, but you're the worst.
- I love you, too. - Hey, guys?
This is...
this is gonna end, right?
Like, we'll do another month or so of quarantine,
and then we'll go back to normal,
and we'll go back to hanging out in person.
Right?
'Cause I really miss you guys.
I mean, that's the plan, right?
I mean, how much worse could it get?
You guys! You're bringing down the room.
We're bringing it down?
- Garret! - Come on!
Talk to me about this broth. Spare me no details.
What are we talking? Shoyu? Tonkotsu?
- Hit me. - Okay, so...
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --