1
00:00:05,702 --> 00:00:07,713
So I said, "if a robot
can feel pain,

2
00:00:07,737 --> 00:00:09,098
I'm gonna make him feel pain."

3
00:00:09,123 --> 00:00:10,335
I totally get that.

4
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,522
Why am I carrying all the bags?

5
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:14,820
Welcome home, sir.

6
00:00:14,844 --> 00:00:17,306
Thank you, polite intruder.

7
00:00:17,331 --> 00:00:18,889
I'm gonna shoot you now.

8
00:00:18,914 --> 00:00:21,267
And you are welcome
to do so, sir.

9
00:00:21,292 --> 00:00:23,604
I'm Aleister, your new valet.

10
00:00:23,629 --> 00:00:24,705
Surprise!

11
00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:27,692
We picked him for you
after a trial by fire.

12
00:00:27,823 --> 00:00:28,867
And lasers.

13
00:00:28,892 --> 00:00:31,105
And now these bags
are his problem.

14
00:00:31,130 --> 00:00:33,425
You are aware
that all my other valets

15
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,911
were spectacular failures,
right?

16
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,420
Two are still in the hospital.

17
00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:40,641
One. They moved Cornelius
to a hospice.

18
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,461
Perhaps a drink
will help us break the ice.

19
00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:44,530
A daiquiri?

20
00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:46,283
One chance to impress,

21
00:00:46,308 --> 00:00:47,857
and you're going with the drink

22
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,990
of sad writers
and stupid teenagers?

23
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:52,755
Holy shit. That is good.

24
00:00:54,049 --> 00:00:56,732
Good? I'd swim in this.

25
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,160
- I'll fill the tub.
- And then fill me.

26
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,609
With drinks!

27
00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:01,533
Or, you know, whatever.

28
00:01:01,558 --> 00:01:03,066
Will there be
anything else, sir?

29
00:01:03,091 --> 00:01:04,707
Do you know
who you're replacing?

30
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,925
Woodhouse, the greatest,
most subservient valet

31
00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:10,559
to ever shuffle his weary frame
across this planet.

32
00:01:10,584 --> 00:01:12,740
Do you really think you
can outshine him

33
00:01:12,765 --> 00:01:13,998
in being abused by me?

34
00:01:14,023 --> 00:01:15,889
I welcome your evaluation, sir.

35
00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:17,462
Okay, favorite grade
of cashmere?

36
00:01:17,487 --> 00:01:19,328
Grade a sheared mongolian goat.

37
00:01:19,353 --> 00:01:20,814
How would you press
a tweed suit?

38
00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:22,253
I'd press it into a trash can.

39
00:01:22,278 --> 00:01:24,033
How should I rub sand
into your eyes

40
00:01:24,058 --> 00:01:25,222
for maximum discomfort?

41
00:01:25,247 --> 00:01:26,846
Excellent question, sir.

42
00:01:26,871 --> 00:01:29,326
Start coarse,
moving to finer grits,

43
00:01:29,351 --> 00:01:33,442
ending with the black sands
of víkí myrdal, Iceland.

44
00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:36,200
Dang. Beach knowledge.

45
00:01:36,225 --> 00:01:38,094
Carol, don't interrupt the test.

46
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,577
Time for the final exam.

47
00:01:39,602 --> 00:01:40,961
A gentlemen's duel.

48
00:01:40,986 --> 00:01:43,343
Really feels like
you're moving the goalposts.

49
00:01:43,368 --> 00:01:44,954
I'll do my best, sir.

50
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:46,824
Ha! Parry, parry, riposte!

51
00:01:46,849 --> 00:01:48,160
Capital defense.

52
00:01:48,404 --> 00:01:51,382
Sloppy balestra.
You call that a coupé?

53
00:01:51,407 --> 00:01:53,066
No, I call it a coulé.

54
00:01:53,457 --> 00:01:55,816
Ha, touché. And touché.

55
00:01:56,164 --> 00:01:58,941
You guys, look!
It's like we're dancing.

56
00:01:58,966 --> 00:02:00,792
Yeah, weird.

57
00:02:08,223 --> 00:02:10,268
Wow. Aleister, you're hired.

58
00:02:10,293 --> 00:02:11,610
Thank you, sir.

59
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:14,486
You would've had me
if it had not been for the leg.

60
00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:17,275
I can suggest
some rehabilitation exercises.

61
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,597
I'd...

62
00:02:19,151 --> 00:02:20,432
I'd like that.

63
00:02:21,303 --> 00:02:23,279
Should we leave?

64
00:02:23,304 --> 00:02:25,093
I'm staying.

65
00:02:56,154 --> 00:03:02,116
CREDITS

66
00:03:06,845 --> 00:03:08,953
Y'all, my cover was blown.

67
00:03:08,978 --> 00:03:10,055
I made it into the jungle,

68
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,259
but it's only a matter of time
before my...

69
00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:14,127
Attention. Attention, please.

70
00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:15,532
- Archer, come on!
- What the shit?

71
00:03:15,557 --> 00:03:18,107
Come on.
It was just getting good.

72
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:20,100
What, Ray dying in Africa?

73
00:03:20,125 --> 00:03:22,859
For the love of God,
Cheryl, call Ray back.

74
00:03:22,884 --> 00:03:23,828
Now?

75
00:03:24,584 --> 00:03:25,584
Fine.

76
00:03:25,609 --> 00:03:26,862
Good, now back to me...

77
00:03:26,887 --> 00:03:29,084
Is anyone else
worried about Ray?

78
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,943
Is anyone else
worried about how Cyril

79
00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,109
is constantly in the office?

80
00:03:32,134 --> 00:03:34,827
Hey, I broke my arm
on a mission...

81
00:03:34,852 --> 00:03:35,862
I'll break the other one

82
00:03:35,887 --> 00:03:37,560
if you don't shut up
for my announcement.

83
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:41,084
Okay, I found the valet
who will serve me until my,

84
00:03:41,109 --> 00:03:42,779
or more likely his, death.

85
00:03:42,804 --> 00:03:45,568
Wait, so you're not looking
for a valet anymore?

86
00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:47,584
Excuse me.

87
00:03:50,345 --> 00:03:53,172
Gentlemen, it's been an honor.

88
00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:57,608
He cleans like ten valets,

89
00:03:57,633 --> 00:04:01,185
he rearranged my entire closet
in a way that makes sense,

90
00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:04,044
and I made him eat a bag
of potting soil as a test

91
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,146
and he was just like...

92
00:04:05,170 --> 00:04:07,048
Shall I open another bag, sir?

93
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,949
What is that accent?

94
00:04:08,973 --> 00:04:11,974
- It sounds like Boston to me.
- Or a speech impediment.

95
00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:14,058
It's a normal british voice,
all right?

96
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:15,188
I don't do it that well.

97
00:04:15,258 --> 00:04:16,607
Aleister,
get in here and show them

98
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:17,886
your normal british voice.

99
00:04:17,911 --> 00:04:19,919
- Sir.
- That's my guy!

100
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:22,429
Guy, gang. Gang, guy.

101
00:04:22,454 --> 00:04:24,390
Don't bother trying
to look him in the eye.

102
00:04:24,415 --> 00:04:26,655
He's an expert
at averting his gaze.

103
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,766
Aleister, avert.

104
00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:31,680
And can we revert to Ray?
Seriously, is he okay?

105
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,105
- Probably.
- Not.

106
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:34,570
For your leg, sir.

107
00:04:34,595 --> 00:04:36,931
I brought your rehabilitation
bands to the office

108
00:04:36,956 --> 00:04:38,947
since I know you'll lose
all interest at home.

109
00:04:38,995 --> 00:04:40,674
He knows my foibles.

110
00:04:41,139 --> 00:04:42,675
There's about 30 guys.

111
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:46,074
They got these crazy
fish boning knives...

112
00:04:46,177 --> 00:04:48,593
- Damn it, Sterling!
- I forgot the best part.

113
00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:50,205
Aleister can make
eggs Woodhouse.

114
00:04:50,230 --> 00:04:53,422
Maybe we should focus on Ray
being gutted in the jungle.

115
00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:56,634
Maybe we should focus on your
obvious jealousy of Aleister.

116
00:04:58,122 --> 00:05:00,364
Wow. I honestly didn't know
it could do that.

117
00:05:00,389 --> 00:05:02,560
I took the liberty of
installing the beanbag round

118
00:05:02,585 --> 00:05:04,643
as a nonlethal
office alternative.

119
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,677
Ha-ha! Nonlethal violence

120
00:05:06,702 --> 00:05:08,241
is my second favorite kind!

121
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,471
Enough! Cyril, go rescue ray.

122
00:05:10,496 --> 00:05:12,145
His legs are valuable tech.

123
00:05:12,170 --> 00:05:15,731
I would love to fight
30 men with weird knives,

124
00:05:15,756 --> 00:05:17,690
but, gosh darn it,
I'm out of commission.

125
00:05:17,715 --> 00:05:19,908
Yeah, when did you
break your arm?

126
00:05:19,933 --> 00:05:23,247
- On the last mission?
- No, I was on that mission.

127
00:05:23,272 --> 00:05:27,092
I broke it right at the end,
after you finished missioning.

128
00:05:27,117 --> 00:05:29,985
Fine. Sterling, go rescue Ray.

129
00:05:30,010 --> 00:05:32,813
Not possible, mother.
I'm still breaking in Aleister.

130
00:05:32,838 --> 00:05:35,648
The first two weeks are crucial
for establishing dominance.

131
00:05:35,673 --> 00:05:37,551
Give me the jet
and I'll rescue him.

132
00:05:37,576 --> 00:05:38,462
Done.

133
00:05:38,487 --> 00:05:40,416
And I never even
named a beneficiary

134
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,241
on my life insurance.

135
00:05:42,266 --> 00:05:44,310
So more recovery than rescue.

136
00:05:44,607 --> 00:05:46,736
At least that beach
behind him looks nice.

137
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:51,252
God, does no one
in this office know

138
00:05:51,276 --> 00:05:52,939
how to finish a sandwich?

139
00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:54,186
It would be my pleasure

140
00:05:54,211 --> 00:05:56,089
to clean out
your refrigerator, ma'am.

141
00:05:56,113 --> 00:05:57,064
Phrasing?

142
00:05:58,079 --> 00:06:00,624
Aleister.
Nice to see you again.

143
00:06:00,649 --> 00:06:02,227
Please, allow me.

144
00:06:02,252 --> 00:06:04,187
- No, I couldn't.
- Really?

145
00:06:04,288 --> 00:06:07,873
You don't strike me as a woman
who can't do things.

146
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,180
Aleister!

147
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:12,286
You're bad.

148
00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:14,497
Am I interrupting something?

149
00:06:14,522 --> 00:06:16,208
I'm honestly not sure.

150
00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:17,358
Not at all, sir.

151
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,387
Would you like to squeeze
this lemon into my eyes?

152
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,856
Love where your head's
at Aleister, but later.

153
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,184
Right now, I need you
to reload my cane.

154
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:27,249
Right away, sir.
Ma'am, a pleasure.

155
00:06:27,274 --> 00:06:30,175
Likewise.
In terms of pleasure.

156
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,377
Okay, mother,

157
00:06:31,402 --> 00:06:33,908
I'll only ask this incredibly
traumatic question once.

158
00:06:33,933 --> 00:06:35,988
Are you into Aleister?

159
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:38,398
Don't be absurd.
He's your valet.

160
00:06:38,651 --> 00:06:40,299
And yes, he's handsome

161
00:06:40,324 --> 00:06:42,539
and I'm a woman
with powerful needs...

162
00:06:42,564 --> 00:06:45,554
Mother, it's okay.
Stop. I mean, gross.

163
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,009
But you're right.
The man is perfect.

164
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:49,742
You'd have to be insane
not to want him to...

165
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:52,149
Clean out your refrigerator?

166
00:06:52,876 --> 00:06:55,648
Absolutely. Look at that grip.

167
00:06:55,673 --> 00:06:57,687
He could twist a pineapple
in half.

168
00:06:57,712 --> 00:07:00,671
But he's a gross servant
and it's totally forbidden.

169
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:02,388
Is how I'd get things going.

170
00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:04,670
Can I help you, ladies?

171
00:07:04,695 --> 00:07:07,757
Just keep doing
what you're doing, Aleister.

172
00:07:09,286 --> 00:07:11,007
Since you're not going
on the mission,

173
00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:12,407
you can handle my paperwork.

174
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,688
But this is, like,
eight missions' worth.

175
00:07:14,713 --> 00:07:17,059
Fine, you can go get stabbed
in a jungle.

176
00:07:17,084 --> 00:07:18,304
It'll be done when you're back.

177
00:07:18,329 --> 00:07:22,115
But let it be known
that I'm not happy about it.

178
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,245
Lana to the situation room.

179
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,904
If you're free.

180
00:07:26,842 --> 00:07:29,896
Office work.
Can't get hurt by you.

181
00:07:31,309 --> 00:07:33,228
Sorry. Just testing the range.

182
00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:36,047
- Aleister, reload me.
- Don't reload him.

183
00:07:37,348 --> 00:07:40,081
Holy shit, Aleister.
What was that?

184
00:07:40,106 --> 00:07:42,406
A technique
from my old employer,

185
00:07:42,431 --> 00:07:44,524
general Bernard Montgomery.

186
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,314
You knew the spartan general?

187
00:07:46,339 --> 00:07:48,636
Old monty, yes.

188
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,736
He also enjoyed his manhattans.

189
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,196
Will you take yours
in your office, sir?

190
00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:54,613
I don't have an office.

191
00:07:54,638 --> 00:07:57,233
I used to,
but it just kept blowing up.

192
00:07:57,373 --> 00:07:58,646
You do now.

193
00:07:58,802 --> 00:07:59,855
I took the liberty

194
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,103
of repurposing
an unused storage space,

195
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,536
with your mother's approval,
of course.

196
00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,087
Seriously?
Cyril, did you just hear that?

197
00:08:06,112 --> 00:08:09,343
I have an office!
Cyril, Cyril, Cyril!

198
00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:11,954
- What?!
- I have an office.

199
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:13,538
In Fiji.

200
00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:14,216
So?

201
00:08:14,397 --> 00:08:16,396
So what is Ray's tracking chip

202
00:08:16,421 --> 00:08:17,513
doing in the Pacific

203
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,005
if his body is dying
in an african jungle?

204
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:21,701
I don't know.
Maybe they removed the chip.

205
00:08:21,726 --> 00:08:23,203
Well, that's what I thought too.

206
00:08:23,228 --> 00:08:25,781
But his secret second tracker
is also in Fiji,

207
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,264
and that can't be removed
without killing the host.

208
00:08:28,289 --> 00:08:30,343
- What?
- I mean, maybe someone can.

209
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:31,575
I certainly can't.

210
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,467
Anyway, I thought
I'd tell ms. Archer.

211
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:35,937
No, no, no, no.
Don't worry about it.

212
00:08:35,962 --> 00:08:37,632
Don't worry about Ray's trackers

213
00:08:37,665 --> 00:08:39,509
being on the opposite side
of the world

214
00:08:39,534 --> 00:08:41,301
from where we think he is?

215
00:08:42,571 --> 00:08:43,614
Can you keep a secret?

216
00:08:43,693 --> 00:08:45,730
Did an entire breed
of chilean llamas

217
00:08:45,755 --> 00:08:47,527
go extinct two months ago?

218
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:50,513
I... Don't know?

219
00:08:50,538 --> 00:08:51,708
Exactly!

220
00:08:55,481 --> 00:08:57,173
What I always wanted.

221
00:08:57,327 --> 00:08:58,749
Minus the bookshelf.

222
00:08:58,774 --> 00:09:00,240
Seems like a missed opportunity.

223
00:09:00,264 --> 00:09:01,508
In that case, you might enjoy

224
00:09:01,532 --> 00:09:04,466
"mr. Boston's bartender guide."

225
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,067
It's whimsically practical!

226
00:09:08,092 --> 00:09:10,316
Forget about the lemon
going in your eyes.

227
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:11,807
Put it in the cocktail.

228
00:09:11,832 --> 00:09:13,208
I'm gonna go get Cyril

229
00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:16,818
so he can see how much
his office sucks next to mine.

230
00:09:16,843 --> 00:09:18,015
Very good, sir.

231
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,281
And hey...

232
00:09:19,549 --> 00:09:21,116
I love you, Aleister.

233
00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:22,421
And I you, sir.

234
00:09:27,744 --> 00:09:31,470
I have infiltrated the agency
and achieved absolute trust.

235
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:35,556
The target will be dead
in 24 hours.

236
00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:44,861
Hello, Aleister.

237
00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:46,922
Did you really think
you could get away with it?

238
00:09:46,947 --> 00:09:49,696
- Sir?
- You've got a secret.

239
00:09:49,842 --> 00:09:52,477
You added something incredible
to my eggs Woodhouse!

240
00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:55,405
That would be
the hungarian paprika, sir.

241
00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:57,008
For an extra kick.

242
00:09:57,033 --> 00:09:58,899
Ha! An amazing kick!

243
00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:00,441
All right, I'm off to the office

244
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,267
now that it's got
all the good booze.

245
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:06,050
Sir, I thought I might
prepare my specialty tonight,

246
00:10:06,075 --> 00:10:07,843
steak Aleister.

247
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,278
If you make it home.

248
00:10:09,411 --> 00:10:10,550
I'll be here.

249
00:10:10,575 --> 00:10:12,925
And if I'm not, heh,
I'm probably dead.

250
00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:15,026
Very good, sir.

251
00:10:15,558 --> 00:10:18,097
His smile,
it just lights up my whole day.

252
00:10:18,198 --> 00:10:20,135
Hey, do you like my tie?
Aleister picked it.

253
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,244
So is it gonna shoot me
or just electrocute me?

254
00:10:22,269 --> 00:10:24,354
Not everything
is about you, Cyril.

255
00:10:24,379 --> 00:10:26,484
I deserve safety
in my workplace.

256
00:10:28,531 --> 00:10:29,576
Was that an explosion?

257
00:10:29,601 --> 00:10:31,381
Yeah, of my schedule.

258
00:10:31,406 --> 00:10:33,874
I bet Aleister is good
at elevator repair.

259
00:10:34,397 --> 00:10:36,687
- The phone's dead.
- The elevator's broken.

260
00:10:36,712 --> 00:10:38,625
But the phone runs
on a separate line.

261
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,249
It's part of the intricate
series of fail-safes

262
00:10:40,274 --> 00:10:41,676
built into all modern elevators.

263
00:10:41,701 --> 00:10:43,470
This is sabotage!

264
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:48,093
Yeah, again, of my schedule.

265
00:10:50,153 --> 00:10:51,659
Is the primary driving rope

266
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,176
still threaded
through the car sheave?

267
00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:55,410
My God.
Cool it, Alexander Miles.

268
00:10:55,435 --> 00:10:56,973
I'm just trying
to save our lives.

269
00:10:56,998 --> 00:10:58,581
Well, try it
without showing off.

270
00:10:58,606 --> 00:11:00,827
Is the elevator cable okay?

271
00:11:00,852 --> 00:11:02,235
Was that so hard?

272
00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:04,193
Also... No.

273
00:11:04,893 --> 00:11:06,443
Jump or die in a box, cyril.

274
00:11:06,468 --> 00:11:07,940
Jeezy pete.

275
00:11:13,718 --> 00:11:16,920
Crap.
We're only on the third floor?

276
00:11:17,492 --> 00:11:19,302
Lost them over the waterfall,

277
00:11:19,327 --> 00:11:21,209
but my left leg
is all messed up, and I...

278
00:11:21,234 --> 00:11:22,446
- Ray.
- Just spent three hours...

279
00:11:22,471 --> 00:11:23,997
- Ray!
- In a spider-filled ditch.

280
00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:25,098
- Ray!
- What?

281
00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:26,299
Krieger knows.

282
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:30,369
So when are you guys
getting here?

283
00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:32,894
Eta at the resort is six hours.

284
00:11:32,919 --> 00:11:34,557
I'll keep the mais tied for you.

285
00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:37,182
And, lady, you can't just
drop a towel on a chair

286
00:11:37,207 --> 00:11:38,480
and be gone for hours.

287
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:42,562
A fake rescue mission
as cover for a secret vacation.

288
00:11:42,718 --> 00:11:45,150
It's just like
the good old days.

289
00:11:45,175 --> 00:11:47,075
And I hate it.
But, God, I need a break.

290
00:11:47,176 --> 00:11:48,435
Ever since Archer came back,

291
00:11:48,460 --> 00:11:50,979
things have been...
weird with Robert.

292
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,058
Aw, trouble
in billionaire-adise?

293
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:55,243
No... hey, no!
I love being married.

294
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:56,196
It's just that...

295
00:11:56,220 --> 00:11:57,657
It's just he's
constantly telling me

296
00:11:57,682 --> 00:11:59,132
how to handle Archer,
and I'm like,

297
00:11:59,156 --> 00:12:00,696
"I know how to handle Archer,
buddy, okay?

298
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,335
"I handled him for years
before I met you,

299
00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:04,623
"and maybe, just maybe, I want
to complain about the guy

300
00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:06,953
without you trying to fix it!"

301
00:12:07,648 --> 00:12:09,931
So this place has bungalows?

302
00:12:09,956 --> 00:12:11,609
And we have to keep it a secret.

303
00:12:12,369 --> 00:12:14,634
- Hey, Lana.
- Keep what a secret?

304
00:12:15,354 --> 00:12:17,049
The obvious sabotage.

305
00:12:17,074 --> 00:12:18,151
Freak accident.

306
00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:20,781
Elevators kill 27 people
a year, Cyril.

307
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:22,119
That's more than fireworks.

308
00:12:22,144 --> 00:12:24,300
You seriously believe
that there was a spontaneous

309
00:12:24,325 --> 00:12:27,124
simultaneous failure of
the primary suspension cable,

310
00:12:27,149 --> 00:12:29,127
the traveling cable,
the safety catch,

311
00:12:29,152 --> 00:12:30,769
and the car roller guides?

312
00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:31,573
Yes?

313
00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:34,159
There's explosive residue
on the cables, Archer!

314
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:35,378
It's a spy agency.

315
00:12:35,403 --> 00:12:38,204
There's explosive residue
on the coffeepot.

316
00:12:38,948 --> 00:12:40,421
Okay, what's more likely,

317
00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,241
that this was a freak accident

318
00:12:42,266 --> 00:12:45,358
or that someone wants to kill
the world's most annoying spy?

319
00:12:45,383 --> 00:12:47,002
No one's trying to kill me.

320
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,780
Also, rude people
don't get to sit

321
00:12:48,805 --> 00:12:50,366
in my fancy new guest chair.

322
00:12:50,391 --> 00:12:51,339
Move.

323
00:12:53,592 --> 00:12:54,643
Archer!

324
00:12:57,494 --> 00:12:59,511
I think someone's
trying to kill me.

325
00:13:00,149 --> 00:13:01,260
What the hell are you doing?

326
00:13:01,284 --> 00:13:03,131
We couldn't let you
do this alone.

327
00:13:03,156 --> 00:13:06,142
If Ray's in trouble, I'm ready
to bust some coconuts.

328
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:08,487
And I can scream so loud,
my own ears bleed. Watch.

329
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,854
No, nope.
I appreciate the offer.

330
00:13:12,162 --> 00:13:14,587
This mission,
it's just too dangerous.

331
00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:16,665
God, I just...
I hope Ray doesn't die

332
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:18,836
during the time we waste
taking you back.

333
00:13:18,861 --> 00:13:20,104
Bula bula!

334
00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:22,007
Hey, do y'all want
the tropical spa package?

335
00:13:22,032 --> 00:13:24,315
'cause I gotta book that
in advaaance...

336
00:13:24,340 --> 00:13:27,395
Of the enemy closing in
on my position!

337
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:29,353
Too dangerous?

338
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:32,006
Hey, danger takes many forms.

339
00:13:32,031 --> 00:13:34,286
We thought Ray was maybe dead!

340
00:13:34,311 --> 00:13:36,095
Am I still turning
the plane around?

341
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:37,119
Hell no.

342
00:13:37,144 --> 00:13:40,431
Sea salt scrubs
and coconut cocktails!

343
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,537
How can you be shopping?
You nearly died!

344
00:13:43,562 --> 00:13:44,670
And if you hadn't
taken the seat,

345
00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,204
I probably would have died!

346
00:13:46,229 --> 00:13:48,647
Glass half full, my ruined
pants give me an excuse

347
00:13:48,672 --> 00:13:50,310
to buy me and Aleister
matching suits.

348
00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:51,730
I wonder what color he wants.

349
00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:54,084
We shouldn't even be out
in public. We're too exposed.

350
00:13:54,109 --> 00:13:56,674
Cyril, no one tries three
assassinations in one day.

351
00:13:56,699 --> 00:13:59,099
It's unprofessional. Aleister?

352
00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:01,405
Yes, sir?

353
00:14:01,430 --> 00:14:03,930
I was wondering about your
suit preference vis-à-vis color.

354
00:14:03,955 --> 00:14:05,358
Gun to my head, sir,

355
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:08,008
my ideal suit is gray,

356
00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:10,117
single-vent, three-button.

357
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:12,859
Hey, man.
That's a great answer.

358
00:14:12,884 --> 00:14:15,431
Thank you. Good-bye, sir.

359
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,120
Get down!

360
00:14:22,147 --> 00:14:23,159
Wha...

361
00:14:23,184 --> 00:14:26,210
You said no one attempts an
assassination three times in one day!

362
00:14:26,235 --> 00:14:27,638
Aleister, are you okay?

363
00:14:27,663 --> 00:14:29,848
It sounds like you're nearby.
Are you in danger?

364
00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:33,757
What if Aleister is the danger?

365
00:14:33,917 --> 00:14:36,336
Aleister?
Where are you right now?

366
00:14:37,748 --> 00:14:40,575
Look, it's great
that Archer's awake.

367
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,361
- Absolutely.
- Hated that coma.

368
00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:44,161
- But...
- Now when I look at him,

369
00:14:44,186 --> 00:14:46,153
I see a fragile baby bird.

370
00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:47,531
First I repressed
my violent urges,

371
00:14:47,556 --> 00:14:49,190
and now they're out again?

372
00:14:49,292 --> 00:14:51,258
Pick a lane, Cheryl or Carol!

373
00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:53,428
And I flushed
four viable men today.

374
00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:55,441
And I'm not ready
to talk about it.

375
00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:56,475
And he is getting in the way

376
00:14:56,499 --> 00:14:59,267
of my great relationship
with Robert.

377
00:15:00,696 --> 00:15:01,863
Okay, fine it's not great.

378
00:15:01,888 --> 00:15:03,482
But sometimes you fake it
till you make it.

379
00:15:03,507 --> 00:15:05,250
Like how Aleister is pretending

380
00:15:05,274 --> 00:15:07,408
to be Archer's butler
so he can kill him?

381
00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:16,276
In her defense, she thinks
all butlers are murderers.

382
00:15:17,746 --> 00:15:19,910
Aleister, I'm home.

383
00:15:19,935 --> 00:15:22,233
Welcome back, sir.
I've been expecting you.

384
00:15:22,258 --> 00:15:26,304
Yes, I expect you have.
My very loyal valet.

385
00:15:26,329 --> 00:15:30,137
I took the liberty of preparing an
early meal to calm your nerves.

386
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:31,610
Steek Aleister.

387
00:15:32,166 --> 00:15:36,102
A delicious meal,
prepared fully out of my sight.

388
00:15:36,306 --> 00:15:38,283
Perhaps, you'd like
to take the first bite.

389
00:15:38,307 --> 00:15:40,419
Thank you, sir,
but it wouldn't be proper.

390
00:15:40,444 --> 00:15:43,354
Aleister, it's proper
if I say it is.

391
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:44,712
Indeed, sir.

392
00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:47,903
Excellent.

393
00:15:47,956 --> 00:15:49,184
And now you, sir,

394
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,972
before it gets cold.

395
00:15:51,065 --> 00:15:54,045
Terrible thing, that shooting
at the haberdashery.

396
00:15:54,498 --> 00:15:56,457
Nothing I couldn't handle.

397
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,581
But I do have one small concern.

398
00:15:59,606 --> 00:16:00,939
And what's that, sir?

399
00:16:00,964 --> 00:16:03,332
I never told you
I was in the haberdashery.

400
00:16:09,056 --> 00:16:11,483
Damn it!
You took my secret shotgun?

401
00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,252
And had this floor waxed.

402
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:15,375
Wow, looks crazy shiny.

403
00:16:23,253 --> 00:16:25,213
You know me so well.
I hate it.

404
00:16:25,238 --> 00:16:26,752
Just doing my job, sir.

405
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:32,038
You haven't been doing your
rehabilitation exercises. Pity.

406
00:16:32,063 --> 00:16:33,929
Good thing I have my cane.

407
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:37,453
How ironic, defeated by
the very beanbag round

408
00:16:37,478 --> 00:16:39,263
I made you reload.

409
00:16:39,739 --> 00:16:41,091
Apologies, sir.

410
00:16:41,116 --> 00:16:44,560
It seems I forgot
to reload that round.

411
00:16:54,697 --> 00:16:56,508
Damn it. Why am I not dead?

412
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:57,813
First you break my heart,

413
00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:00,103
and now you don't even have
the decency to kill me quickly?

414
00:17:00,128 --> 00:17:01,947
Frankly, Aleister,
it's very rude.

415
00:17:01,971 --> 00:17:04,612
I beg your pardon, sir,
but I'm not here to kill you.

416
00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:06,925
I'm here to kill
the world's greatest spy.

417
00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:09,268
Yeah, I know.
Me, Sterling Archer.

418
00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:11,090
Nice to meet slash be killed
by you.

419
00:17:11,215 --> 00:17:13,048
I wasn't referring to you.

420
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,319
So is it gonna shoot me
or just electrocute me?

421
00:17:18,086 --> 00:17:21,538
There's explosive residue
on the cables, Archer!

422
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,069
I was wondering about your
suit preference vis-à-vis color.

423
00:17:25,094 --> 00:17:27,905
- Cyril Figgis?
- The very same.

424
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,798
He's managed to elude my more
subtle efforts all morning.

425
00:17:30,823 --> 00:17:32,976
- He's quite cunning.
- Cyril Figgis?

426
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:35,116
The guy I sometimes
stab by accident?

427
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,126
Who I intend to stab on purpose

428
00:17:37,151 --> 00:17:38,837
once he comes here
to rescue you.

429
00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:41,627
- Wait, I'm Cyril bait?
- Indeed you are.

430
00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:43,824
He was top agent
during your coma.

431
00:17:44,012 --> 00:17:45,188
He won't let you die.

432
00:17:45,213 --> 00:17:46,830
Let me explain
something, Aleister.

433
00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:48,766
I create bait, I use bait,

434
00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:51,590
and yes, sometimes
I accidentally shoot bait.

435
00:17:51,615 --> 00:17:55,989
But I will never be bait
for Cyril goddamn Figgis.

436
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:04,942
And the steak Aleister
was just adequate.

437
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,685
Zip line!

438
00:18:08,793 --> 00:18:11,115
Boom goes the personal
health-care form.

439
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,201
I'd like to see
a regular field agent

440
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,985
fill these out in triplicate.

441
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,754
- Cyril!
- Archer.

442
00:18:17,779 --> 00:18:20,546
What are you doing here
after normal business hours?

443
00:18:20,571 --> 00:18:23,104
I'm here during showdown hour.

444
00:18:23,129 --> 00:18:26,317
God, is this an honor thing? I'll
just say you have more honor.

445
00:18:26,342 --> 00:18:28,219
No, I need to defeat you
in battle

446
00:18:28,244 --> 00:18:29,867
to prove
I'm the world's best spy

447
00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,803
so Aleister will try
and kill me.

448
00:18:31,827 --> 00:18:34,611
Aha, so your valet
is trying to kill you.

449
00:18:34,636 --> 00:18:37,775
- Well, right now, he's trying to kill you.
- What?

450
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,235
But after I shoot you,
he'll try to kill me.

451
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,046
Keep up, Cyril. Go get a weapon.

452
00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:43,981
I've got a gun,
so probably a gun.

453
00:18:44,006 --> 00:18:46,006
- I'm not gonna shoot you.
- Why not?

454
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:49,633
For one thing, it's wrong.
Also, you've got a bad leg.

455
00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:54,013
Cyril, you're making this more
annoying than it needs to be.

456
00:18:54,115 --> 00:18:56,054
So just don't shoot me!

457
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,523
If I don't, Aleister will.

458
00:18:58,548 --> 00:19:00,704
Wouldn't you rather get shot
by someone you know,

459
00:19:00,729 --> 00:19:01,766
like me?

460
00:19:01,876 --> 00:19:03,766
Is there a no shooting option?

461
00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:05,423
Unfortunately, no.

462
00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:09,477
Pretty sure shooting a coworker
is an HR violation.

463
00:19:12,597 --> 00:19:14,364
Cyril, we were in this elevator

464
00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:16,190
when it exploded,
like, two hours ago.

465
00:19:16,215 --> 00:19:17,915
How do you forget that?

466
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:19,218
Hey, I thought
you broke your arm.

467
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:20,351
Well, I didn't.

468
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,219
I just wanted
to take a break from missions,

469
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,354
and I thought I had to hide it.

470
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,946
- Good instinct.
- But you know what?

471
00:19:24,971 --> 00:19:26,189
I was good enough in the field

472
00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:28,572
that some assassin thinks
I'm the world's best spy,

473
00:19:28,597 --> 00:19:31,361
which means I can do your job
and my office job.

474
00:19:31,386 --> 00:19:33,330
And there's no shame
in choosing the office.

475
00:19:33,354 --> 00:19:35,806
Can we still say
that I beat you?

476
00:19:35,831 --> 00:19:37,908
I mean, technically
this shaft beat me.

477
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,306
- Phrasing.
- You win!

478
00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:44,965
Good, which means I am
officially the world's best...

479
00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:47,434
But not for long.

480
00:19:47,459 --> 00:19:49,794
Last words
before I kill you both?

481
00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:51,618
Both? But he beat me.

482
00:19:51,643 --> 00:19:53,075
Making me the world's best spy.

483
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,717
Field spy.
I'm the top office spy.

484
00:19:55,742 --> 00:19:57,068
Sure. I don't care about that.

485
00:19:57,093 --> 00:19:59,154
Killing you both seems easiest.

486
00:19:59,179 --> 00:20:01,107
Too bad I'm wearing
a bulletproof vest.

487
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:03,748
Too bad I removed
all the armor plating.

488
00:20:04,154 --> 00:20:06,623
Damn. That is too bad.

489
00:20:06,648 --> 00:20:10,670
Wait, just one question.
Why use me to get to Cyril?

490
00:20:10,695 --> 00:20:12,940
Why? Because you're best friends.

491
00:20:12,965 --> 00:20:13,974
- What?
- Aww.

492
00:20:14,168 --> 00:20:15,643
I can't stand this guy.

493
00:20:15,668 --> 00:20:17,049
You spend hours a day with him.

494
00:20:17,074 --> 00:20:18,915
- True.
- We work together.

495
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:20,940
You talk about him
more than anyone else.

496
00:20:21,066 --> 00:20:21,972
Really?

497
00:20:21,997 --> 00:20:23,831
To criticize how stupid he is.

498
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:24,776
Please.

499
00:20:24,801 --> 00:20:26,971
He was the first person
you told about your new office.

500
00:20:26,996 --> 00:20:29,292
- Wow, you told me first?
- To spite you.

501
00:20:29,317 --> 00:20:32,251
- We are best friends.
- Maybe I'm your best friend.

502
00:20:32,276 --> 00:20:34,860
You're my worst... stranger.

503
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,290
It's a classic odd couple fight.

504
00:20:36,315 --> 00:20:39,243
Okay, it's one thing to say
I'm not the world's best spy.

505
00:20:39,268 --> 00:20:41,279
But saying
I'm Cyril's best friend

506
00:20:41,304 --> 00:20:43,942
is an insult
that will not stand.

507
00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:44,966
That's a bit hurtful.

508
00:20:44,991 --> 00:20:47,411
You realize you've brought
a cane to a gunfight?

509
00:20:47,436 --> 00:20:49,414
I realize shooting
an unarmed guy

510
00:20:49,439 --> 00:20:52,013
would make you a huge loser.

511
00:20:52,092 --> 00:20:53,123
Touché.

512
00:20:55,507 --> 00:20:56,390
Cool.

513
00:20:56,415 --> 00:20:58,031
Stop it. We're not friends.

514
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:01,296
If you can kill me,
then you can kill Cyril.

515
00:21:01,321 --> 00:21:03,422
What? Wait, he doesn't
have that power.

516
00:21:03,447 --> 00:21:04,414
Very good, sir.

517
00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:06,961
You made me believe
I could love a valet again

518
00:21:06,986 --> 00:21:09,754
and then besmirched
Woodhouse's memory.

519
00:21:09,779 --> 00:21:10,716
You besmirched!

520
00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:12,872
- It was a job, sir.
- Not to me!

521
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,138
Not my concern.

522
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:21,645
Well, you guys seem busy,
and I've got paperwork, so...

523
00:21:21,670 --> 00:21:24,537
It can wait! I'm sorry, sir.

524
00:21:24,632 --> 00:21:25,942
Perhaps you should have kept up

525
00:21:25,967 --> 00:21:27,966
with those
rehabilitation exercises.

526
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,311
But I did.

527
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:36,632
Well driven, sir.

528
00:21:36,657 --> 00:21:39,202
God damn it.
It didn't have to be this way.

529
00:21:39,227 --> 00:21:40,366
It did.

530
00:21:40,391 --> 00:21:43,700
But it wasn't just a job for me.

531
00:21:43,895 --> 00:21:46,692
It was... a pleasure.

532
00:21:46,717 --> 00:21:49,270
We'll always have
my reorganized closet.

533
00:21:49,295 --> 00:21:51,601
Yes, and if you'd like,

534
00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:54,405
I can recommend another...

535
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:56,114
valet.

536
00:21:57,551 --> 00:22:00,028
No, I'm done with valets.

537
00:22:00,387 --> 00:22:03,347
Because no one
will ever top you.

538
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:06,833
And that steak Aleister,
I-it wasn't just adequate.

539
00:22:07,164 --> 00:22:09,458
It was goddamn perfect.

540
00:22:11,021 --> 00:22:12,677
Good-bye, Aleister.

541
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,969
You taught...

542
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,828
You taught me to love again!

543
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,219
Where the hell is everybody?

544
00:22:25,781 --> 00:22:27,718
Holy crap.

545
00:22:28,396 --> 00:22:30,232
Can we just live here?

546
00:22:30,257 --> 00:22:31,157
Yeah!

547
00:22:31,216 --> 00:22:32,818
What's their extradition policy?

548
00:22:32,843 --> 00:22:34,138
Yeah, it's pretty, but a burger

549
00:22:34,163 --> 00:22:35,613
costs, like, a million dollars.

550
00:22:35,638 --> 00:22:37,443
- I'll take four.
- Shut up.

551
00:22:37,468 --> 00:22:39,782
And I'll take the big bedroom.

552
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,174
I'm sorry.

553
00:22:43,073 --> 00:22:45,798
The big bedroom is already taken.

554
00:22:46,587 --> 00:22:52,879
CREDITS