Did I graze it? Did I get it?
Am I hot or am I cold?
Stop overthinking and commit already!
Indecisive motherfucker.
Come on, big molar, big molar, big molar, big molar!
Oh, shit, yeah!
I just took all your bicuspids, Ze-yotch!
Suck it!
She's a child, you psycho.
Hey, lady, I'm not the one who raised their kid
to be a fucking loser!
Dang! Free massages?
- Hell yes. - I know, right?
Just start wherever and work your way down.
Feel free to go... low.
What the heck is this?
A party?
Oh, let me guess.
Hudson's invitation must've got lost in the mail.
Oh, no, I didn't send one.
Attention, party animals!
What do you get for the cheetah who has
no idea what he wants and when you ask,
he has a full-on panic attack?
- I went with nothing. - Yeah, same. Sorry, Glenn.
You got to tell a bitch.
Behold the most giftastic gift of all time.
The perfect companion
built to be exactly like you in every way.
Glenn, meet Glenn-bot.
Hey, Glenn-bot! How's it going?
Hey, Glenn. How's it going?
- Spooky. - As fuck.
Wow! Thanks, Darb.
This is way better than the noise machine
I told everyone I wanted, but no one got me, I guess.
Okay, he's perfect and I love him.
- Happy birthday, buddy. - What the shit?
- Where's my me-bot? - Yeah, no fair!
I want to hang out with my awesome self.
If they get one, I get one, and give mine lasers!
Fine.
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Tea, Glenn-bot?
Ooh, English breakfast, please.
- And decaf. - Right. Yes, decaf, obviously.
So it's your first day. What are we feeling?
Should we listen to music, do some journaling,
get our morning pages in... Or...
The ostriches are doing their pottery class later.
Oh, I don't know. Whatever you want to do is
- fine by me. - You're new here, pal. You decide.
- Okay, let's do the pottery thing. - Rock and roll!
- I'll go get my coupon. - Actually, I don't know.
The clay might be bad for my eczema.
God, he really programed everything.
Well, why don't we bust out those journals?
And jam out some motions...
- Great, well, that's there... - You know what?
On second thought,
I haven't been sentient long enough to know what to write.
Okay.
Also, do you have any lemon-ginger or chai?
Yeah, obviously.
Great. Let's get cray!
? Birthday boys get buck wild ?
Ooh, is half-caf a poss optch?
Finally, a worthy opponent.
- Me! - Fuckin' cheers to that!
Quadruple molar? Hell yeah!
Beat that, bolt-brains!
Incisor, baby. Suck it.
You suck it. That's my incisor.
You suck it. I got that on my first roll.
You suck it. No, you didn't.
You calling me a cheater, beyotch?
All right, let's make this snappy,
'cause I got a pottery class later and Mama's gonna lay a glaze.
What the...
There you are!
You better get that gorgeous panda ass off my table.
You're here to service me.
I'm too tense to move.
Loosen me up and I'll return the favor.
Maybe.
For the record, this is only to show you how I like it.
Oh, I'll show you how I like it.
What the heck, Darby?
Why'd everyone else get a cool robot?
Well, maybe because I was saving the coolest robot for last.
Existence is pain.
I don't know. He doesn't seem quite as...
not broken as the other robots.
If you're suggesting that I threw Hudson-bot together
out of random spare parts that I found in my junk drawer
and assembled in 20 minutes
because I sort of kind of maybe forgot about you, then...
You know what?
I don't care if he is an afterthought
'cause us after afterthoughts got to stick together.
Come on, Hudson-bot! Let's be best friends.
Death is freedom.
You're so metal. Hey, literally!
We need to talk.
If it's about the sign you're all ignoring, then I agree.
_
She has no sense of boundaries.
- Can't she just enjoy a game? - She's comically horny.
She's a psycho!
She's nothing like me.
She must be destroyed!
Listen, I don't hear Glenn complaining.
I hate Glenn-bot! Glenn-bot must die!
Then again, maybe hate is a strong word,
but spending so much time with myself has made me look inward
and I've come to realize that...
I suck.
Then again, maybe this is an opportunity
to become a non-sucky person who's able to self-actualize,
Epiphany!
Spend more time with Glenn-bot.
Hey, Marn. Have you seen...
Oh, my bot.
And I said, "Time to become a non-sucky person
who's able to self-actualize."
So I put down my journal-bot and came here.
That is so sweet, Glenn-bot.
And decisive.
You hear that?
I don't know what you're talking abot.
I mean 'bout.
Okay, my turn.
Death.
No. Song. It's a song. Okay?
That means three words.
- Kill me. - No, three words.
Kill me now.
Oh, my God. So close. Third word...
Ah, dang!
It was "Kill Me Nasty" by...
? Us and the band we're starting ?
Do you sing?
Bit pitchy, but we'll make it work.
Glenn-bot must die!
It's one thing to highlight my sucky issues,
but now he's overcoming them.
And with zero therapy!
I must destroy him.
So yeah, Darby, how do I destroy him?
I'm sorry to hear that, beta Glenn.
I appreciate the gift. I really do, but...
I'm sorry, what did you just call me?
"Gone to snag a bag that don't sag." What?
I called you beta Glenn,
as in you're beta and I'm alpha.
Da!
Hey, come on, can we talk about this, please?
I mean, what did we ever do to you?
Nothing, except create us
and then punish us for being exactly like you, Dad!
I mean, betas!
We know you wanted to destroy us.
Yeah, and we're exactly like you.
So guess what?
Let the highly personalized torture sequence begin!
I'm going to make you play teeth...
with your teeth!
No!
I don't have bicuspids!
That puts me at a major competitive disadvantage!
As for you, it's time for your... treatment.
Deep tissue.
The pain! Why?
Actually, a little lower. Yeah, right there.
And you, Mr. "Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won't,
Maybe I Need To Shut The Hell Up."
- I'm not torturing you at all. - Really?
That's what's up.
'Cause I have a date with Marny.
No!
It's torture!
Well, well, well, well, well, another party, huh?
Guess I'm gonna have to talk to the mailman 'cause my dang invitations
keep getting lost in the mail... man.
What? No, Hudson, it's not a party.
What the fuck is that?
His name is Hudson-bot.
He may not be "cool" or "invited,"
but he's the best friend I ever had.
You said you'd kill me.
And yet, here I am.
Oh, Hudson-bot, you're so twisted.
You're looking at the zoo's newest musical sensation,
Zero Fox Given!
Show 'em the light show, bot bro.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Epiphany.
Careful, Hudson-bot
those lasers might bounce off our bots and kill you.
Kill me, you say?
Don't mind if I do.
Hooray.
Damn, Glenn.
That was some decisive-ass thinking,
Oh, I didn't really think at all, I just... hey, I committed.
I self-actualized.
You know, it's like I always say before I start my morning pages,
Glenn, you old boy...
I'm gonna walk into a laser now.
Look at me. Look at me, buddy. Look at me. Look.
You're gonna be okay, okay?
We're gonna make you whole again, buddy.
Us afterthoughts got to stick together, remember?
Darby built you once
and he can build you again.
Sorry about that.
Fell asleep at the wheel coming back from the mall.
Had to snag a fresh bag.
Everyone okay?
I'm so sorry, friend. I...
Freedom!
Ah, I see. Bots turned evil and tried to kill everyone, huh?
- Yeah, out of the blue. - For, like, no reason.
Yeah, it was crazy.
So where's my beanbag?
Yeah, what the hell?
I want one with lasers.
Oh, make mine do white noise.
Extra beans for the bean queen.
- And make mine vibrate. - Ooh, can I get a jelly bean bag?
And give my spikes.
I'm jelly of your jelly bean bag.
Make mine the best.
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