1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,001 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:06,622 --> 00:00:09,822 _ 3 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,600 Oh, God, Oh, God. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 4 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,103 This is bad. This is very bad. I'm not supposed to be here. 5 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,938 I have a pottery class at 0900! 6 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,982 Hey, just calm down. We don't know what this is. 7 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:26,943 Are you kidding me?! Creepy stone walls, jagged metal bars. 8 00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:29,320 This has alien prison written all over it. 9 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:30,572 A prison? Nah. No way, man. 10 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,949 - This is a dungeon. - That's even worse! 11 00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,744 Hello? Can someone give us some context in here, please? 12 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,538 A dungeon?! But we didn't do anything. Did we? 13 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:39,789 Oh. 14 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,833 I've been replicating a lot of ice. 15 00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,156 Are we not supposed to do that? 16 00:00:43,157 --> 00:00:44,294 I really like ice. 17 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,544 I saw the captain and the bridge crew 18 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,665 get taken into another room. 19 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,631 What if they were replicating ice, too?! 20 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,425 Guys, this is basically a resort 21 00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:52,068 compared to what the Klingons do to you. 22 00:00:52,069 --> 00:00:53,303 I'm sure it's not a big... 23 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,764 - Uh, hi? - Oh, man, 24 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,888 they have all of our commanders suspended in a beam! 25 00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,228 - They must be on trial. - For what? 26 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,608 Fellow Primes! 27 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,945 These Federation witnesses have been brought before you 28 00:02:34,028 --> 00:02:35,572 to speak truth 29 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,448 about the senior officers 30 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:41,202 of the Federation starship Cerritos. 31 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:44,768 I-I didn't witness anything. Did you? 32 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,998 I don't know. What's the difference between witnessing 33 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,199 and just lookin' at something? 34 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,937 You will speak only into the Horn of Candor! 35 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:56,092 With this horn, one of our most sacred horns, 36 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,053 you must only speak the truth. 37 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,555 Happy to be here. 38 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,198 I-I don't even know what we're supposed 39 00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:03,441 to be telling the truth about. 40 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,977 The first to give testimony will be 41 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,730 Ensign Beckett Mariner. 42 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,899 Ship logs state you were present on the bridge 43 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,902 when the Cerritos made contact with the Clicket ship Tweerk 44 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:18,239 on stardate 57818.4. 45 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:21,367 Uh, I was, but I don't know what you want me to... 46 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,786 Tell us of those wondrous events! 47 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,414 Okay. It started off as a usual day. 48 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,958 We were just hanging out. I mean, we were just doing work 49 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,460 in the repair bay. 50 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,087 Roga Danar? Are you nuts? 51 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,423 I said "Who's the all-time biggest badass?" 52 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,133 not "Who's a dude nobody's heard about?" 53 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:38,927 Uh, everyone knows Roga Danar. 54 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,137 - No, they don't. - He totally outsmarted Picard, 55 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,472 and he has amazing hair! 56 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,307 Well, what about Khan, right? 57 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,809 Khan was a genetically engineered supervillain! 58 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,603 Dude was a space seed. 59 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,846 Ooh, ooh, pause for a second. I want to talk about Khan 60 00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:52,807 and that thicc, thicc chest, but I got to pee. 61 00:03:53,290 --> 00:03:54,838 Roga Danar. 62 00:03:54,921 --> 00:03:57,121 - Get the [BLEEP] out of my face. - [DOOR WHOOSHES SHUT] 63 00:03:57,122 --> 00:03:58,401 Guys, the ship's at red alert. 64 00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,405 Uh, no, it isn't. 65 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,782 Yeah, that's impossible. 66 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,825 I messed with our speakers so they'd be extra loud 67 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,469 during a red alert. We'd know for sure. 68 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:07,622 You messed with the red alert speakers? 69 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,462 Uh, it's, like, red alert everywhere except here! 70 00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:14,504 - Rutherford! - Aw, man. 71 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,631 Oh, we're gonna get in such big trouble for this. 72 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:17,954 We have to get to our stations! 73 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,511 Gah, why did we have to have bridge duty today? 74 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:22,928 We're gonna walk in and everyone's gonna be 75 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,889 - lookin' at us. - No, they won't. Just chill. 76 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,598 Okay, we'll just explain what happened and why we're late. 77 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,725 It'll-it'll be fine. 78 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,102 You want Rutherford fired? No. 79 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,985 Just follow my lead, all right? We'll fake it. 80 00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:32,021 - Fake what?! - It! 81 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,265 I'm not faking on the bridge. 82 00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:34,272 That's insane! 83 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,607 The captain already knows what she wants you to do, 84 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:36,692 so just nod and agree with her, 85 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,468 or we'll all end up getting kicked off the ship 86 00:04:38,469 --> 00:04:39,569 and then we'll have to live on Earth, 87 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,330 where there's nothing to do except drink wine 88 00:04:41,331 --> 00:04:43,750 and hang out at vineyards and soul food restaurants! 89 00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:47,370 Ugh, these guys are maniacs. 90 00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,705 Captain, what happened? 91 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,207 They just randomly attacked me for thanking them. 92 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,460 This injustice will not stand. 93 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,504 We gave you the map, and now you turn on us?! 94 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:59,090 Captain, this is all a misunderstanding. 95 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:02,593 I simply showed gratitude for your map of the Neutral Zone. 96 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,387 Gratitude?! How dare you! 97 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,870 - Who is this guy? - Who cares, man? 98 00:05:05,871 --> 00:05:06,956 Bug alien. Roll with it. 99 00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:08,224 I meant no offense. 100 00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:11,269 I think your people have a different definition of "gratitude". 101 00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,396 Give us back the map! 102 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,773 Ugh, this guy is really buggin'! 103 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:16,937 Mariner, what do you think? 104 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,193 I think you know exactly how to handle this, Captain. 105 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,695 You're right about that. 106 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:22,864 Ensign Boimler, I want options. 107 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,866 Uh, about the... this alien guy? 108 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,242 Yes. Obviously. 109 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:28,786 Uh, what specifically do you wish to know? 110 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:29,912 Aw, come on, man! 111 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,290 This is your chance to prove you got what it takes! 112 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,533 Oh! Well, I-I don't know, uh, who, uh... 113 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:35,718 Well, the truth is... 114 00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:36,919 Uh, I think we should do, 115 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,422 uh, what you want to do, Cap'n. 116 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,523 Cap'n's choice. 117 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:42,759 I'm not asking you to kiss my ass. 118 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,469 Come on. No wrong answers. 119 00:05:44,552 --> 00:05:46,621 Uh, okay. We could do evasive maneuver 120 00:05:46,704 --> 00:05:47,722 eighty... 121 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,640 eight...? 122 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,234 Is he [BLEEP]ing serious? 123 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,393 That was the wrong answer! 124 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,395 - I meant 84. - In this situation? 125 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,064 - Are you crazy? - Mariner! 126 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,522 Have you not been paying attention? 127 00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:58,541 That could get us killed. 128 00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:00,276 No, no, no, no. I was kidding. 129 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:03,613 Let's just... Let's use the impulse drive to... Crazy Ivan. 130 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,655 - Ugh! Who the hell is he talking about? - What in the world is that?! What? 131 00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:08,137 - That's insane. - But-but-but-but... 132 00:06:08,138 --> 00:06:09,973 Son, you're embarrassing yourself. 133 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,163 You got a lot to learn. Mariner, 134 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,791 why don't you send our friends a message. 135 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,709 Good call, Captain. 136 00:06:18,953 --> 00:06:20,921 - Are you insane?! - What the hell are you doing?! 137 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,922 You said "Send them a message". That means phasers! 138 00:06:23,005 --> 00:06:25,245 It means to send them a message to invite them to dinner! 139 00:06:25,246 --> 00:06:26,310 No, it doesn't! 140 00:06:26,394 --> 00:06:28,763 Target their bridge! 141 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,140 Stop! Stop! 142 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,475 What are you talking about?! 143 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,158 What? I'm just telling you what happened. 144 00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,395 You expect me to believe a Starfleet officer 145 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,606 wouldn't know what's going on with their ship 146 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,149 at all times?! 147 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,151 Look, I'm not proud of it, but yeah. 148 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,528 What about the map? 149 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:44,821 Tell me about the map! 150 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:45,904 Uh, there was a map? 151 00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,824 That's the most important part! 152 00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,867 Dude, look, I work on a spaceship, all right? 153 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,829 We don't have maps. We have stellar cartography. 154 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,497 What is wrong with you?! 155 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,499 Place her in the Tank of Contempt! 156 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,171 Oh! We got eels. There's eels over here. 157 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,575 Mariner's not lying! I was there! 158 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:04,674 We didn't see a map! 159 00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:10,429 Perhaps this is a misunderstanding. 160 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,390 You may go un-eeled. 161 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:13,549 For now. 162 00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:16,018 Better luck next time, eels. 163 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,582 Why does this guy care so much about a map of the Neutral Zone? 164 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:19,981 Yeah, it's so neutral. 165 00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,264 Yeah, like, what would you even do with a map like that? 166 00:07:22,347 --> 00:07:23,932 I have no idea. 167 00:07:24,015 --> 00:07:25,695 Ensign Samanthan Rutherford, 168 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,405 perhaps you can illuminate me more 169 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,532 than your unobservant compatriots. 170 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,492 Um, well, I mean, my cyborg implant 171 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,286 does give me perfect memory. 172 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,704 That will be of great use! 173 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:40,418 Tell me of stardate 57791.1. 174 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,296 All right. Stardate 5779, eh... Hey. 175 00:07:43,358 --> 00:07:44,838 Wait, are you sure you want that one? 176 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,717 Just 'cause I have so many great stardates in here. 177 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,385 Other than that one. 178 00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,887 I want the one I said! 179 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,556 Uh, you're not gonna like it. 180 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:54,657 So, there I was, 181 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,350 rotating the EPS capacitors. 182 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,954 See, they overheat when you leave them 183 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,177 facing one direction too long. 184 00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,106 ? Rotate, rotate, rotating all day long ? 185 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,732 - ? While singing my rotation... ? - Ah. There he is! 186 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,401 Hey, sirs! You want to rotate with me? 187 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:06,652 Maybe sing a little song? 188 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,376 If you heard the one earlier... 189 00:08:08,377 --> 00:08:10,781 No! Does your implant have Romulan flight manuals 190 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,665 - and repair information? - Uh, not right now. 191 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,490 - I'd need to update it. - Then do it. Now! 192 00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:17,246 Uh, well, usually I like to update it while I'm asleep 193 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,915 'cause it kind of messes with my... 194 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,918 - No! Do it now! - You do it right this second! 195 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,212 Okey dokey. 196 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,680 30 seconds until restart. 197 00:08:25,763 --> 00:08:27,682 - Is it done yet?! - What? No. It just started. 198 00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:29,507 While we wait, I'll fill you in on the plan. 199 00:08:29,508 --> 00:08:31,308 Oh, uh, first off: do you have all your shots? 200 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,579 - Wait. Which shots? Like, with needles? - Ten seconds. 201 00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,289 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Let me just... 202 00:08:35,373 --> 00:08:37,515 We don't want you getting Denobulan flesh-eating bacteria on your pe... 203 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:39,517 Hold up just a second. My implant is also... 204 00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:41,638 - It'll eat right through your underpants. - My what?! 205 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,272 I've seen it happen. Terrible way to die. 206 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,556 - Restarting Rutherford. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 207 00:08:45,557 --> 00:08:47,218 Wait, wait, wait. 208 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:52,156 Whoa. I think I blacked out 209 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,408 and lost a little bit of time during that update. 210 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:57,119 Great work nerve-pinching those Vulcans, baby bear. 211 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,080 Who knew you'd be better at it than they are? 212 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,865 I did? But I don't know how to nerve-pinch. 213 00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:03,292 Ha! Tell that to Spock and Spock. 214 00:09:03,336 --> 00:09:04,696 Oh, when my implant was rebooting, 215 00:09:04,697 --> 00:09:06,003 it must have taken control. 216 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,130 We're entering the atmosphere. Brace for turbulence. 217 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,454 Sirs, you don't understand. I don't know what's going on. 218 00:09:10,455 --> 00:09:12,908 When we're in the museum, our window's gonna be really tight. 219 00:09:12,991 --> 00:09:14,971 - Museum? - We have to deploy now! 220 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,306 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 221 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,520 Verifying update. System will restart in three seconds. 222 00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:26,323 _ 223 00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:30,987 - Ah! Romulan Bird-of-Prey? - Quiet! 224 00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:35,616 We don't want to draw any attention. 225 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,866 From who? What are we doing? 226 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,286 - What's happening? - Hey! 227 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,689 What are you two doing back here? 228 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,122 You've drawn my attention. 229 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,623 Distract him with the fan dance! 230 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,959 I'm sorry. My what now? 231 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:48,504 - Dance, boy! Dance! - Ooh. Ooh. Yeah. 232 00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:50,131 Feels good, feels right... 233 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,675 Hey! Stop that! Now you're distracting me! 234 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,970 Right. Right. 235 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,847 I want the regular fan dance! 236 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,015 What are you doing?! 237 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,641 My best. 238 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,610 - Verifying download. - _ 239 00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:04,911 _ 240 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,230 Aah! What the heck?! 241 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,192 Hello? How am I standing in space? 242 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,738 Huh? 243 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,449 Ah. 244 00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,035 Cloaked Bird-of-Prey. Wait. Did I steal this?! 245 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,829 - Aah, Mark Twain's got a gun! - Billups! Oh, man, are you okay? 246 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,332 - Tasha, no! The garbage bag's behind you! - Oh, no. 247 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:26,208 - Sir, you have nitrogen intoxication. - _ 248 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,772 You only have 60 seconds of air left! 249 00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,215 Stop goofing around! Get in here! 250 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,139 Verifying update. System restart in ten second. 251 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,514 Watch it! No, no, no, over there! 252 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,684 Stupid... cloaked Bird. 253 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,021 - Updating Klingon fonts. - What?! 254 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,584 Why do I even need that? 255 00:10:48,585 --> 00:10:50,087 Watch out for the controls! 256 00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,634 They're set to... 257 00:10:54,935 --> 00:10:56,335 _ 258 00:11:00,883 --> 00:11:01,911 Gorn wedding! 259 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,457 Aah! Get me out of here, implant! 260 00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:08,609 Nice try, Gorns! 261 00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:09,910 _ 262 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,756 _ 263 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,424 It's still the Gorn wedding? 264 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:18,386 Ouch. Help! Help! Come on, Gorns, please! 265 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:19,720 A Gorn wedding?! 266 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,764 How has this become about a Gorn wedding?! 267 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,391 What are you avoiding? 268 00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:24,914 Look, I'm just telling you the events 269 00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:26,936 of stardate 57791.1, all right? 270 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,729 Damn. Rude. 271 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,941 I want details on how you stole the Bird-of-Prey! 272 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,234 I know, man. Me, too! 273 00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:34,944 Wait. Why would Shaxs make him steal 274 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,405 some old Bird-of-Prey? What would they even do with that? 275 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:40,324 Beats me. I mean, it could be for anything. 276 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,159 Like, who even knows? 277 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,662 Take him! 278 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,414 Eels?! 279 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:47,897 Dude, are you not paying attention? 280 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:50,000 - Hey! Leave them alone! - Oh? 281 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,836 Well, perhaps you, Ensign D'vana Tendi, 282 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:55,965 can prove more illuminating. 283 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,264 Oh, I've always wanted to testify about stuff! 284 00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,807 This is so cool! 285 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,267 Hi, everyone! 286 00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:07,726 Don't talk to them! 287 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,312 Have you and Commander Jack Ransom 288 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,982 ever set foot in the Romulan Neutral Zone? 289 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,692 I can't tell you that. 290 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,194 Oh, come on! This is an easy one! 291 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,947 Why are you making this so difficult? 292 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,408 Tendi, just tell him what he wants! 293 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,827 All right, fine! But this was a classified mission, 294 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,787 so I'll have to leave some things out. 295 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:30,291 I had just been given a major assignment. 296 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:32,168 Mariner! Mariner, guess what? 297 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,836 I get to tidy the conference rooms! 298 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,504 Ah! What should I wear? 299 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,298 Probably just my uniform, right? 300 00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,341 Ugh! How are you so excited? 301 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,677 You know you're just gonna be wiping cat fur off chairs. 302 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,886 Uh, do you know how many big decisions happen 303 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,054 in those conference rooms? 304 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,430 That's where they talk about the Borg. 305 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,911 You can talk about the Borg anywhere. 306 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,185 Yeah, but when you do it in a conference room, 307 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,104 it becomes a conference. 308 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:55,357 I never get to clean the conference room. 309 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,695 Wow. 310 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,405 The captain's chair. 311 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,782 Oh, I'm gonna make you extra clean. Huh? 312 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,576 Secure the room, Lieutenant [BLEEP]. 313 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,745 - Yes, sir. - Okay, stop. 314 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,122 You can't omit details like that! 315 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,666 Yeah, but I already did, so... 316 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,668 Are you so stubborn 317 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,421 that you're willing to risk death by eels? 318 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,215 Yes, that's correct. 319 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,842 Then continue. 320 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,386 You must be the Cleaner. 321 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,555 Yes, sirree. And happy to be here. 322 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,891 Glad to have you. This mission is highly classified. 323 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,392 From here on out, you're [BLEEP] 324 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,269 - and [BLEEP]. - Wow. 325 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,113 All right, everybody, listen up. I'm serious. 326 00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:35,823 This is important. If we're captured... 327 00:13:35,907 --> 00:13:37,566 He's glad to have me! 328 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,736 Gosh, it's just so nice to be recognized for my work. 329 00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:43,447 And cleaning the conference room is important. I knew it. 330 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,115 Wait, I should be paying attention. 331 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,284 This is why we got matching tattoos. 332 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,869 - 10-4. - Lock and load. 333 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,704 We're [BLEEP] for life. 334 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,308 Check out this map. It's gonna lead us 335 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,750 straight into the Neutral Z... [BLEEP] ...one. 336 00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:56,252 The Neutral what, now? 337 00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:57,735 The package is located here. 338 00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:00,256 Guards are stationed here and here on weekends. 339 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,092 If we run into trouble, Cleaner will extract us. 340 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,094 Let's [BLEEP] this [BLEEP] up! 341 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,931 Yeah... 342 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,976 Phaser rifles. 343 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,270 Oh, snap! That's the ship from my story! 344 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,273 I knew I should have made it clear 345 00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:17,716 that I wasn't supposed to be there, 346 00:14:17,717 --> 00:14:19,608 but every time I was about to... 347 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,944 So, here is a very funny thing. 348 00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:25,614 Um, I think that there was a misunderstanding, 349 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,054 - and I... - Everyone quiet! 350 00:14:27,055 --> 00:14:28,409 They're scanning the area. 351 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,622 - Ah... - That was close. 352 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,373 We're lucky we have this Bird-of-Prey, or we'd be toast. 353 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,667 Uh, but what I was saying was... 354 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,586 Shh! They're scanning again. 355 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,756 They stopped scanning. Cleaner, what was that? 356 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,010 - What I was saying was... - Oh, no, they're scanning! 357 00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,845 Okay, now they're not scanning anymore. 358 00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:49,688 - Anything important... Whoa! - What I was... 359 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,345 Stop! I'm picking up scanning! 360 00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,142 Okay, they're done scanning. Oh, God! 361 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,602 They're scanning again! 362 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:55,769 No, no. That was on me. 363 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,938 That was wrong. No, I wasn't! 364 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:03,316 _ 365 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,614 Uh, so, a-about me being the "Cleaner"... 366 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,700 Yeah, yeah. At your age, it's very impressive. 367 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:14,705 Comm silence from here on out. 368 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,835 Whoa. 369 00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:22,838 - You know who I hate? Remans. - Oh, they're the worst. 370 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,201 Sorry. 371 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,635 Apologizing to the enemy? 372 00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,511 - That's cold, Cleaner. - You're playing 373 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,139 some real [BLEEP] up mind games. 374 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,648 - Stay here, cover our six. - Six what? 375 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:41,940 Copy. 376 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,530 Is that the package? 377 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,158 Cleaner, do your thing! 378 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,201 What's my thing? I have a thing? What's my thing?! 379 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,085 Whoa, I thought she was just supposed to beam us 380 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,836 - out of here. - She was. 381 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,798 I do not know what's going on here. This is crazy. 382 00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,484 Congrats, boys. 383 00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,344 The package is safely on board, 384 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:12,554 and there's no indication that the Rom... [BLEEP] 385 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,932 ...ulan high council detected us. 386 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,392 Yeah! 387 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:21,063 Too bad we have to deny this ever happened, 388 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,065 because you were awesome. 389 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,692 [BLEEPING] 390 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,610 You, 391 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:28,612 you're [BLEEP] crazy. 392 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,578 This is where Billups sits. 393 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,679 Stop! 394 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:39,289 You expect me to believe that? 395 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,250 Yes, that is where Billups sits. 396 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,752 You did not do martial arts 397 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,713 on multiple armed guards! 398 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:48,590 You're right. I didn't. 399 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,635 I tried to be reasonable. 400 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,095 I tried to get to the truth. 401 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,098 Today didn't have to end in eels! 402 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,101 Ignite the burners! 403 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,896 Oh! 404 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,150 Why would you have burners and eels? It's redundant! 405 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:14,450 Just tell me about the package. What was inside the package? 406 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,202 I don't know, but whatever it was, I'm sure it was great. 407 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,039 I think you're hurting the eels! 408 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:24,168 This can all be over if you just tell me 409 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,794 what your bridge crew did! 410 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,171 We can't tell you. 411 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,964 Why? Why? 412 00:17:29,047 --> 00:17:30,299 Because we don't know! 413 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:31,800 We never know anything! 414 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:35,637 We're lower decks. 415 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,639 No one ever tells us what's going on. 416 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,849 We're not important enough 417 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:40,434 to have anything to lie to you about. 418 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:42,978 You're Starfleet. Surely you must be briefed 419 00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,146 on every contingency. 420 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,106 Yeah, I wish. The senior officers 421 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,990 don't always have time to keep us up to speed. 422 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,652 Hell, sometimes, they don't even know what's going on. 423 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:52,446 Impossible! 424 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,072 Human lies! 425 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,868 You are the best of the best! 426 00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,661 Your senior officers 427 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,456 are always in full control! 428 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:05,334 No, they're not. They mess up all the time. 429 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:08,170 Like whenever Q shows up. 430 00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,922 Voilà! 431 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,967 - Oh, what? - Damn you, Q! 432 00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:17,971 Good luck solving my little puzzle, mes amis. 433 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,683 Tell me, now, can you prove that humanity is worth saving? 434 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,394 I think not. 435 00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:28,482 Well, he clearly wants us 436 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:30,234 to play something. 437 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,528 Ah! It's soccer. Okay. 438 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,863 - Oh! - What's humanity all about? 439 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,824 It's puzzle time. It's puzzle time. 440 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:40,494 - Ugh. Any ideas? Anybody? - Oh! 441 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,204 Or half of Ransom's alien dates 442 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,727 that he doesn't do any research for. 443 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,208 You are so funny, Mary Anne. 444 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,502 How about we keep this party going in my quarters? 445 00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:51,046 Hey. Hey, Jack. FYI, you're hitting on a salt vampire. 446 00:18:51,129 --> 00:18:52,849 Yeah, right. Nice try. 447 00:18:52,850 --> 00:18:54,963 Salt vampires died out more than a century ago. 448 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,219 - All right. Cool, be safe. - Come on, Mary Anne. 449 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:58,387 Let's get out of here. 450 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:01,765 I'll give you the tour of casa de Ransom. 451 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,892 Salt vampire! 452 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,019 - You're making this up. - Nuh-uh. 453 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,423 I read all their logs. They're stepping in it all the time. 454 00:19:08,424 --> 00:19:10,190 Captain. Captain! 455 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,942 Someone is replacing everyone on the ship 456 00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,069 with imposters who claim not to know me. 457 00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:15,863 We might be in a parallel dimension. 458 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,614 - And you are? - Uh... 459 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,950 Wait, is this... is this not the Cerritos? 460 00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:23,245 This is the Alhambra. Did you get on the wrong ship? 461 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,248 [BLEEP]! They all look the same! 462 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,917 Who the hell was that? 463 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,752 Why are you doing this to me? 464 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,254 I need you to tell me 465 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,257 that your senior officers are infallible heroes. 466 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,843 Well, they're not. And that's okay. 467 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,261 We all joined Starfleet 468 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,163 to dive headfirst into the unknown. 469 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:42,264 We're explorers. 470 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,766 Of course we don't always know what's going on. 471 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,393 Did Picard know about the Borg? 472 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:49,438 Did Kirk know about that giant Spock on Phylos? 473 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,740 Did Dr. Crusher know about that ghost in the lamp thing 474 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,704 from the Scottish planet that she hooked up with 475 00:19:53,705 --> 00:19:55,023 that one time? That whole thing. 476 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,279 You clearly want us to say that the captain 477 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,614 and her crew messed up, 478 00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,866 but we simply don't have the full story, 479 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,618 and that's the truth! 480 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,495 Whatever they did, I guarantee you it was all for good. 481 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,956 You have shown no evidence that they're guilty of a crime. 482 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,791 In fact, I find you guilty 483 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,794 of trying to take them down with this sham of a trial! 484 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,171 Drumhead! 485 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,092 Wait, you think this is a trial? 486 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,844 Uh, yes? 487 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,808 - It's not? - Yeah, I mean, it's pretty trial-y. 488 00:20:22,809 --> 00:20:24,228 Could someone bring up the lights? 489 00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:28,602 This isn't a trial. 490 00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:31,146 It's a party, for this brave crew 491 00:20:31,229 --> 00:20:33,607 who rescued me from the Romulans. 492 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:34,816 What? 493 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,277 I was kidnapped by Romulans 494 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,030 and held for over a year until they saved me. 495 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:43,659 Imperium Magistrate Clar, you're safe now, aboard the Cerritos. 496 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,870 Thank you, Captain Freeman. Thank you. 497 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:50,290 You must come and celebrate with me on K'Tuevon Prime. 498 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:53,669 Your deeds and my victory will forever be etched 499 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:56,964 - onto our great history stone. - Can't say no to a party. 500 00:20:57,047 --> 00:20:59,341 Oh, great, guess I'll have to shave my [BLEEP]. 501 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,676 Yeah, maybe you should. 502 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,179 What's that about? 503 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,139 I don't know, man. Something dumb. 504 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,852 This was supposed to be my special day. 505 00:21:10,896 --> 00:21:12,496 No. No, no, no, no, no. This is a trial. 506 00:21:12,497 --> 00:21:13,730 You said we were witnesses, 507 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,024 - you said we had to testify. - Are you stupid? 508 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,859 How could you think this was a trial? 509 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:21,363 Because you've got our bosses suspended in a scary-ass beam. 510 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:23,991 That is the beam of celebration! 511 00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:26,368 It is an honor to be in this beam. 512 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,536 Shut up, Billups! 513 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,037 Hey, man, this is not on us. 514 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,040 I mean, all of that chanting, and the-the metal gavel? 515 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,875 This is, like, alien trial 101. 516 00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:36,670 You raised us up on a platform into a creepy courtroom. 517 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:39,214 Creepy? This is one of our nicest event silos. 518 00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:41,717 - I got married here! - Wh... Well, then, who's this judge? 519 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,720 This guy's just been, like, scowling at us the whole time. 520 00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:46,930 - I don't know him. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just here 521 00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,016 to set up for a birthday later for my little girl. 522 00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:51,351 - She's turning 100. - Aw. 523 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:54,062 Okay, all right, Clar, time's up. 524 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,189 - Etchers down. - But-but... 525 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,066 we didn't even get to do any etching. 526 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,153 No, no, no, no. You only paid for 22 minutes. 527 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:02,571 Other people got to etch. 528 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:03,655 Oh, come on. 529 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,949 But-but wh... Okay, what about, what about the eels? 530 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,368 You held us in contempt, of eels. 531 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:10,037 All right, come on. That's enough. 532 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,329 - You dipped us in eels! - You ruined my party! 533 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,081 Those were eels you dipped us in! 534 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,125 - You did that! You did it! - You ruined my party! 535 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:20,714 Today you four almost got yourselves killed 536 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,424 at a thank-you dinner. 537 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,217 But, the way you stood up for Starfleet 538 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:26,341 while you thought you were staring death in the face 539 00:22:26,342 --> 00:22:27,929 deserves commendation. 540 00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:30,140 I guess. 541 00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:32,768 Going forward, we'll make an effort 542 00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:34,728 to keep the crew more informed. 543 00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:37,773 The Cerritos will be synonymous with clarity. 544 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,941 Wait, so then what did Clar do to get captured 545 00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,235 by the Romulans? I-I missed that part. 546 00:22:42,319 --> 00:22:43,904 Well, it's-it's complicated. 547 00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:46,073 Why did you let him hurt us with eels 548 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:48,116 if you knew it wasn't a trial? 549 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,452 We have to honor the local customs of alien governments. 550 00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,375 And can you tell me who was on that secret team 551 00:22:52,419 --> 00:22:53,779 that infiltrated the Neutral Zone? 552 00:22:53,780 --> 00:22:55,215 Uh, I'm not at liberty to... 553 00:22:55,299 --> 00:22:57,333 And why couldn't you just ask the Vulcans to borrow 554 00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:58,709 the Bird-of-Prey? And where did they get it? 555 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,320 And why was that a job for the Cerritos? 556 00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:02,046 Why couldn't it have just been a job for, like, the Enterprise, 557 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,887 - or... - Okay, you know what? It's classified. 558 00:23:03,888 --> 00:23:05,672 It's all classified. Dismissed! 559 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:08,261 Hey, everybody, look, we got Captain Clarity over here. 560 00:23:08,345 --> 00:23:09,596 I said dismissed! 561 00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:13,558 Honestly, this is fine with me. Knowing things means more work. 562 00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:16,144 Well, I, for one, knew it was a party the whole time. 563 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:17,521 Yeah, right, dude. 564 00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:19,147 - I did. - Then why were you crying? 565 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:21,149 I just... i-it was cold in there. 566 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,485 I've got sensitive corneas. I told you. 567 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:27,197 I challenge you all to a duel. 568 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,448 Pick your weapons. 569 00:23:28,532 --> 00:23:30,033 I pick the mind. 570 00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:31,117 Get out of here, Q! No. 571 00:23:31,192 --> 00:23:32,661 We are done with random stuff today. 572 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:34,746 We're not dealing with any of your Q bull[BLEEP]. 573 00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,164 Oh, s'il vous plaît, Mariner. 574 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,125 I want to put humanity to the ultimate test. 575 00:23:38,182 --> 00:23:39,542 Okay, I'm not French. No. 576 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:41,169 - Go find Picard. - Oh, Picard. 577 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,588 He's no fun, he's always quoting Shakespeare, 578 00:23:43,672 --> 00:23:45,632 he's always making wine. 579 00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:23,033 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 580 00:25:09,775 --> 00:25:11,935 Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. 581 00:25:13,637 --> 00:25:14,638 Chirp.