1
00:00:01,854 --> 00:00:03,522
God, this coffee sucks.

2
00:00:03,547 --> 00:00:04,848
It's next level terrible.

3
00:00:04,931 --> 00:00:05,931
If I had a time machine,

4
00:00:05,956 --> 00:00:07,281
I would go back and kill Hitler.

5
00:00:07,312 --> 00:00:08,428
But only because I'm convinced

6
00:00:08,453 --> 00:00:09,614
Hitler is still alive...

7
00:00:09,639 --> 00:00:12,504
And his job is brewing
the coffee at this office.

8
00:00:14,874 --> 00:00:16,009
I fantasized about my death

9
00:00:16,075 --> 00:00:17,510
during Peggy's presentation again.

10
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:18,979
This time, I drove off a cliff.

11
00:00:19,045 --> 00:00:20,180
We were both in the car though,

12
00:00:20,246 --> 00:00:21,379
so at least I took her down with me.

13
00:00:21,446 --> 00:00:23,248
I just don't feel safe in the office

14
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,517
with a man who decorates
using action figures.

15
00:00:25,585 --> 00:00:29,022
So Linda will not stop
emailing me OK Go videos.

16
00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:31,399
Get out of here.

17
00:00:31,424 --> 00:00:34,670
His big business idea was "thick milk."

18
00:00:34,695 --> 00:00:37,030
I was like, "Bitch, that's yogurt."

19
00:00:37,095 --> 00:00:39,498
Jane's sneezes are performative.

20
00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:41,400
It's like if you really
want attention that bad,

21
00:00:41,425 --> 00:00:43,494
Munchausen your daughter.

22
00:00:43,519 --> 00:00:44,738
- Oh, hey, Jane.
- Ah... ah... ah...

23
00:00:45,238 --> 00:00:46,506
Ah-choo!

24
00:00:58,569 --> 00:01:04,923
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

25
00:01:08,093 --> 00:01:10,162
Christian is a psychopath.

26
00:01:10,229 --> 00:01:12,164
And while I've never actually
looked that word up,

27
00:01:12,189 --> 00:01:14,001
I'm pretty certain
I'm using it right here.

28
00:01:16,268 --> 00:01:18,071
I can't believe he wants to build

29
00:01:18,137 --> 00:01:20,373
a hurricane machine.

30
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,673
I think he's finally lost it.

31
00:01:21,741 --> 00:01:22,843
Kate!

32
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:24,843
I'd rather not speak ill of Christian.

33
00:01:24,911 --> 00:01:26,220
As the neighbor who raised me

34
00:01:26,245 --> 00:01:28,214
from ages seven to nine used to say,

35
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,427
"If you don't have anything nice to say,

36
00:01:30,452 --> 00:01:31,754
say it to your priest."

37
00:01:32,852 --> 00:01:34,054
Right.

38
00:01:34,119 --> 00:01:35,862
Nighty-night, gals.

39
00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:42,487
John's great.

40
00:01:42,694 --> 00:01:44,050
Yeah.

41
00:01:44,596 --> 00:01:46,601
You guys are friends, right?

42
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:50,536
We work together on a lot of projects.

43
00:01:50,602 --> 00:01:52,398
That must be...

44
00:01:52,938 --> 00:01:54,907
interesting?

45
00:01:55,771 --> 00:01:56,995
Yeah.

46
00:01:58,411 --> 00:01:59,846
Sometimes,

47
00:02:00,231 --> 00:02:02,151
he can be a little...

48
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,214
Much.

49
00:02:07,986 --> 00:02:09,065
Yeah.

50
00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:12,370
Sometimes, I wonder
if he can be a little...

51
00:02:13,492 --> 00:02:14,626
too...

52
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:18,791
Much?

53
00:02:21,466 --> 00:02:23,735
It's like he's a robot

54
00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:26,288
programmed to drive me crazy.

55
00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:28,501
Robot technology isn't advanced enough

56
00:02:28,526 --> 00:02:30,260
to create something as annoying as John.

57
00:02:30,285 --> 00:02:31,452
He's from Hell.

58
00:02:31,477 --> 00:02:32,611
He's the devil.

59
00:02:32,776 --> 00:02:34,744
That's why he's so obsessed with God!

60
00:02:34,769 --> 00:02:36,683
Sibling rivalry!

61
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:38,784
Wow.

62
00:02:39,031 --> 00:02:41,769
Guess I'll see you tomorrow.

63
00:02:51,058 --> 00:02:52,478
The only people stupider

64
00:02:52,503 --> 00:02:54,734
than the people who claim
climate change isn't real

65
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,436
are the people who think
we can do anything about it.

66
00:02:57,503 --> 00:02:58,905
Wow.

67
00:02:59,206 --> 00:03:00,407
The paper straw.

68
00:03:00,589 --> 00:03:01,634
Works terribly.

69
00:03:01,659 --> 00:03:04,309
Doesn't make a lick of difference but...

70
00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:07,548
it makes people feel like
they're doing their parts.

71
00:03:07,573 --> 00:03:08,423
Mm.

72
00:03:08,448 --> 00:03:10,800
Can anyone see where
I'm going with this?

73
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:15,111
Uh, you wanna make money
by coming up with a product

74
00:03:15,136 --> 00:03:16,621
that doesn't really help the environment

75
00:03:16,688 --> 00:03:19,942
but makes people feel
morally superior for buying it?

76
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:22,566
Ding, ding, ding! Way to go, Jane.

77
00:03:22,591 --> 00:03:23,481
Yes.

78
00:03:23,754 --> 00:03:25,456
Oh.

79
00:03:25,523 --> 00:03:28,326
This coffee is wretched and foul.

80
00:03:28,628 --> 00:03:30,867
It sounds like the start of a limerick.

81
00:03:32,071 --> 00:03:34,508
This coffee is wretched and foul.

82
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:36,802
The maker of this brew should...

83
00:03:36,867 --> 00:03:37,969
Throw in the towel.

84
00:03:38,037 --> 00:03:38,969
Nice.

85
00:03:39,037 --> 00:03:40,171
We should say this to Tammy.

86
00:03:40,239 --> 00:03:41,173
Maybe she'll take the hint,

87
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:42,308
and start making better coffee.

88
00:03:42,373 --> 00:03:43,675
I don't know.

89
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,811
Face to face confrontation
feels a little aggressive.

90
00:03:45,878 --> 00:03:47,613
I wish there was something in between

91
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,614
being passive and being aggressive.

92
00:03:49,681 --> 00:03:50,749
Drinky, drinky.

93
00:03:50,774 --> 00:03:51,874
I just don't know the term for it.

94
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,200
Since someone's done the paper straw,

95
00:03:54,353 --> 00:03:56,154
why don't we do a plastic straw?

96
00:03:56,222 --> 00:03:57,846
I was just thinking that. Yeah.

97
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,191
- Great idea, Kev.
- Mm.

98
00:03:59,258 --> 00:04:00,525
John, that doesn't make any sense.

99
00:04:00,592 --> 00:04:02,561
- Plastic straws are the problem.
- Problem, yeah.

100
00:04:02,628 --> 00:04:04,163
You know I was just thinking that?

101
00:04:04,229 --> 00:04:05,930
But piggybacking off Kev's idea...

102
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:07,365
- Yeah.
- About plastic straws.

103
00:04:07,432 --> 00:04:10,068
What about... does... does
wooden straws make sense?

104
00:04:10,322 --> 00:04:12,792
People feel guilty about
their cars and the environment.

105
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:16,038
What if we did Lyft but with...
I don't know... horses?

106
00:04:16,063 --> 00:04:17,231
Horses. Yep.

107
00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:18,691
I was just thinking that.

108
00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:20,181
Great idea, both of us.

109
00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:21,347
Mostly me.

110
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,421
Also, have you noticed

111
00:04:30,488 --> 00:04:32,256
that Jake's been ending conversations

112
00:04:32,281 --> 00:04:34,193
by saying, "Peace" now?

113
00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:35,996
Where did that come from?

114
00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:37,829
As long as it means
he's leaving the room,

115
00:04:37,854 --> 00:04:39,956
I'm fine with whatever he says.

116
00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:43,146
You know, it's funny.
I was just thinking that.

117
00:04:43,171 --> 00:04:44,177
You know, that's hilarious.

118
00:04:44,202 --> 00:04:46,017
Because I was just thinking

119
00:04:46,042 --> 00:04:49,008
that you were just thinking that.

120
00:04:49,116 --> 00:04:50,150
Oh!

121
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:51,775
I almost forgot to tell you.

122
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,945
I saw John drop

123
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:55,664
a comb

124
00:04:56,102 --> 00:04:59,317
- out of his breast pocket yesterday.
- What?

125
00:04:59,362 --> 00:05:00,796
Hair comb or honey comb?

126
00:05:00,821 --> 00:05:03,290
A honey comb would've been less weird.

127
00:05:03,354 --> 00:05:05,456
I tried giving it back to him,

128
00:05:05,531 --> 00:05:08,375
and he vehemently denied
that it was his.

129
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,135
Oh, my God.

130
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,328
We have to get to the bottom of this.

131
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,797
If I get any leads,

132
00:05:13,864 --> 00:05:15,889
you will be the first to know.

133
00:05:23,585 --> 00:05:26,944
"The coffee here is wretched and foul.

134
00:05:27,009 --> 00:05:29,646
"The maker of the coffee
should throw in the towel.

135
00:05:29,713 --> 00:05:32,014
"Let someone else make our brew

136
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,685
"so we don't feel
like we're going to spew

137
00:05:36,416 --> 00:05:37,528
chunks"?

138
00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:39,756
Pretty creative, huh?

139
00:05:39,823 --> 00:05:41,301
It's not gonna make the coffee better,

140
00:05:41,326 --> 00:05:43,692
but at least you're hurting
someone's feelings.

141
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,329
Eh, that's a win too.

142
00:05:45,396 --> 00:05:47,766
- Hi, Tammy.
- Hey, Tammy.

143
00:05:47,791 --> 00:05:49,594
Hey, Matt. Hey, Jake.

144
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,717
Oh, uh, I guess we should
get back to the grind.

145
00:06:07,219 --> 00:06:08,282
Peace.

146
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:20,965
Oh.

147
00:06:37,145 --> 00:06:38,347
Good morning.

148
00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:40,518
I'm sorry. Excuse me.

149
00:06:40,678 --> 00:06:43,644
Sir Mr. DeVille, Leader of Men.

150
00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,272
Oh, my God.

151
00:06:51,413 --> 00:06:53,468
I figured out the mystery

152
00:06:53,493 --> 00:06:55,407
with John and the comb.

153
00:06:55,432 --> 00:06:59,203
I can't wait to tell you.

154
00:06:59,362 --> 00:07:01,651
And... send.

155
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:04,926
I actually like OK Go videos.

156
00:07:04,951 --> 00:07:06,360
They're such a clever band.

157
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,925
- Hey, Tammy.
- Hi, Tammy.

158
00:07:07,950 --> 00:07:09,638
Hey, Matt. Hey, Jake.

159
00:07:13,912 --> 00:07:17,325
"The writers of the note
have shit for brains.

160
00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:20,057
They act like they're tough
but have no game."

161
00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:22,000
"They wouldn't know
what to do with good coffee

162
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,628
"if it bit them in the...

163
00:07:23,903 --> 00:07:25,356
Ass.

164
00:07:27,383 --> 00:07:30,195
I guess I should get back to the grind.

165
00:07:31,172 --> 00:07:32,469
Peace.

166
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:41,924
What?

167
00:07:43,224 --> 00:07:45,224
_

168
00:07:45,596 --> 00:07:48,072
Fuck me! I emailed Christian!

169
00:07:54,305 --> 00:07:55,320
Come in.

170
00:08:07,814 --> 00:08:09,379
I received an email.

171
00:08:10,488 --> 00:08:13,153
I have to say,
I was a bit, um, surprised.

172
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:17,688
Most people would never dare
to send me such an email.

173
00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:19,558
So...

174
00:08:19,786 --> 00:08:22,609
I guess I just have one question.

175
00:08:24,722 --> 00:08:26,661
What is up with John and the comb?

176
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:29,159
Oh!

177
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:30,626
Um.

178
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,795
Well, yes. So...

179
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:34,265
Earlier this week,

180
00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:37,384
I saw John drop a comb
out of his pocket.

181
00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:38,910
Okay, first of all...

182
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:39,665
What?

183
00:08:40,337 --> 00:08:41,972
Why would a bald man have a comb?

184
00:08:41,997 --> 00:08:43,452
That's what I was wondering!

185
00:08:43,477 --> 00:08:45,284
Then when I tried to give it back,

186
00:08:45,309 --> 00:08:47,243
he denied the comb was his.

187
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,978
Oh, okay, now this
is just getting weird.

188
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:51,238
- So I come in this morning...
- Oh, this is today?

189
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:52,808
I'm sorry. I'm interrupting.
You go.

190
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,496
And I'm in the parking garage,

191
00:08:54,521 --> 00:08:57,124
and I see him sitting in his car

192
00:08:57,259 --> 00:09:00,295
combing his bald head.

193
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,000
I am freaking out right now!

194
00:09:02,025 --> 00:09:03,904
- I could flip.
- I'm not done.

195
00:09:04,983 --> 00:09:07,964
This is where it gets really weird.

196
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:11,108
He started combing an invisible

197
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,317
pony tail!

198
00:09:14,079 --> 00:09:15,547
High and tight, or side?

199
00:09:15,572 --> 00:09:17,073
Hard to say.

200
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,309
But I could tell he was imagining bangs!

201
00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:22,939
Now that is haunting!

202
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,457
By the way, have you ever noticed

203
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,983
how in meetings he always says,

204
00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:28,484
"Oh, I was just thinking that."

205
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,186
You know, I was just thinking that.

206
00:09:30,211 --> 00:09:31,779
- I was just thinking that.
- I was thinking that.

207
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,076
No, really, I was. I was thinking that.

208
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:38,028
What rhymes with coffee
other than toffee?

209
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:39,629
- Law degree.
- Nope.

210
00:09:39,697 --> 00:09:41,489
That's an approximate rhyme, Jake, okay?

211
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,750
Tammy may trade in AABCD rhyme schemes

212
00:09:43,775 --> 00:09:44,876
but we're better than that.

213
00:09:44,901 --> 00:09:45,902
What about Gaddafi?

214
00:09:47,561 --> 00:09:49,497
Actually, that's pretty good.
We'll go with Gaddafi.

215
00:09:53,085 --> 00:09:54,787
Can you believe she said that?

216
00:09:54,812 --> 00:09:56,313
Oh, I can believe it.

217
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:57,786
And that's the problem.

218
00:09:58,302 --> 00:09:59,424
What a buffoon!

219
00:09:59,449 --> 00:10:01,926
Also, it's like, who asked you?

220
00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:03,487
I've been working
on an impression for you.

221
00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:04,935
Guess who this is.

222
00:10:05,677 --> 00:10:08,167
I love my cat. And I wanna die.

223
00:10:08,895 --> 00:10:09,760
Jake!

224
00:10:09,785 --> 00:10:11,559
Ding, ding, ding!

225
00:10:19,377 --> 00:10:21,279
_

226
00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:27,377
What if we put hidden spikes
in the saddles

227
00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:29,746
that spring out if someone
tries to steal the horse?

228
00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:31,280
Any experienced horse thief

229
00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:33,083
would just remove the saddle
and ride bareback.

230
00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:34,550
You know, I was just thinking that.

231
00:10:34,617 --> 00:10:35,920
You ever notice how loudly

232
00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:38,308
Matt and Jake talk
to each other during meetings?

233
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,267
I hear every word.

234
00:10:40,292 --> 00:10:42,099
What a pair of buffoons.

235
00:10:55,646 --> 00:10:57,915
And now, I have this huge
stack of complaints

236
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,433
that all started because

237
00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:01,494
fucking Tad replied all to an email.

238
00:11:01,519 --> 00:11:02,378
Huh.

239
00:11:02,445 --> 00:11:04,484
Now people keep replying all to say,

240
00:11:04,509 --> 00:11:06,210
"Stop replying all."

241
00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:08,073
It's chaos.

242
00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:09,886
Oh.

243
00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:11,754
You know who we somehow
never talk about?

244
00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:13,560
- Who?
- Kate.

245
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:16,396
Sometimes, she can be a little, um...

246
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:20,466
much... don't you think?

247
00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:21,759
Yeah.

248
00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:24,462
Sometimes I wonder

249
00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:26,476
if she can be a little bit...

250
00:11:29,869 --> 00:11:31,870
Too much?

251
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:34,707
She thinks she's the Hermione Granger

252
00:11:34,732 --> 00:11:36,240
of Hampton DeVille when really...

253
00:11:36,393 --> 00:11:37,994
she's Neville Longbottom.

254
00:11:38,722 --> 00:11:40,321
Obviously, I'm Dumbledore.

255
00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:42,148
Or maybe Harry.

256
00:11:42,215 --> 00:11:44,501
If he's older and better looking.

257
00:11:44,696 --> 00:11:45,584
Grace.

258
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:46,704
Finally!

259
00:11:46,729 --> 00:11:48,562
I have been looking everywhere for you.

260
00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:49,954
We have to talk.

261
00:11:50,071 --> 00:11:52,358
Um, yeah, sure. Let's do it.

262
00:11:57,612 --> 00:11:58,847
And then he started

263
00:11:58,872 --> 00:12:01,308
combing an invisible pony tail,

264
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,923
and I could tell he was imagining bangs.

265
00:12:03,948 --> 00:12:05,095
Oh, my God. Wow!

266
00:12:05,978 --> 00:12:08,139
That's totally crazy.

267
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:09,441
Right?

268
00:12:09,508 --> 00:12:11,451
Hey, you haven't eaten
your half of the cookie.

269
00:12:11,476 --> 00:12:12,877
Mm. Yeah.

270
00:12:12,944 --> 00:12:14,545
I... I went to an

271
00:12:14,612 --> 00:12:17,544
all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

272
00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:20,686
- It... do you want my half?
- No.

273
00:12:20,711 --> 00:12:22,213
Hey, so your turn.

274
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:24,773
I feel like I haven't seen you all week.

275
00:12:24,923 --> 00:12:26,558
Actually,

276
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:28,927
I've had a weirdly good week,

277
00:12:28,952 --> 00:12:32,155
so nothing really to report?

278
00:12:32,874 --> 00:12:34,075
I'm sorry, Kate.

279
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:36,634
I feel like my good week
has ruined your day.

280
00:12:36,743 --> 00:12:38,411
But if you have anything else to share,

281
00:12:38,436 --> 00:12:40,055
by all means, let her rip.

282
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,441
No. No, I mean, it's not fair

283
00:12:42,508 --> 00:12:44,509
for me to dump all over you.

284
00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,812
You should enjoy your good week.

285
00:12:46,879 --> 00:12:48,513
I'm sure it won't last

286
00:12:48,728 --> 00:12:51,364
with all these buffoons around here.

287
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:53,981
Yeah.

288
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,587
Buffoons.

289
00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:57,255
You've gotten really good
at calligraphy.

290
00:12:57,322 --> 00:12:58,691
- Stop it.
- You know I won't.

291
00:12:58,716 --> 00:13:00,640
And you know I don't want you to.

292
00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:09,480
Morning, Matt. Morning, Jake.

293
00:13:10,846 --> 00:13:12,776
Morning, Daniel.

294
00:13:16,073 --> 00:13:18,644
"It is against Hampton DeVille policy

295
00:13:18,669 --> 00:13:21,613
to post unauthorized messages
on the building walls."

296
00:13:21,638 --> 00:13:23,347
"Cease and desist."

297
00:13:23,372 --> 00:13:25,351
"Signed, Daniel.

298
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,069
Building Management."

299
00:13:31,566 --> 00:13:34,334
So as you can see, we will have horses

300
00:13:34,359 --> 00:13:35,795
galloping buck wild

301
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:38,255
across every major American city.

302
00:13:38,362 --> 00:13:41,433
Users can locate one
by looking at a map,

303
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:43,311
or simply looking around for a horse

304
00:13:43,336 --> 00:13:44,979
- in an urban environment.
- That's right.

305
00:13:45,004 --> 00:13:46,446
And now lucky as a horseshoe,

306
00:13:46,471 --> 00:13:49,107
we have developed
a prototype of the app.

307
00:13:49,174 --> 00:13:51,275
So if everyone wants
to pull out their phone...

308
00:13:51,342 --> 00:13:52,943
Whoa...

309
00:13:53,010 --> 00:13:54,577
Oh.

310
00:13:57,819 --> 00:13:59,944
This is not my comb.

311
00:14:00,885 --> 00:14:02,221
Who... who put this...

312
00:14:02,362 --> 00:14:05,123
who put this in here... my pocket?

313
00:14:05,398 --> 00:14:07,134
Oh, you guys think it's funny

314
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:10,626
to plant a comb in the pocket
of a man with no hair?

315
00:14:10,651 --> 00:14:11,529
Well, let me ask you this.

316
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,885
Would you plant a pair of skis

317
00:14:13,949 --> 00:14:16,548
in the pocket of a man with no legs?

318
00:14:16,832 --> 00:14:19,547
Or for that matter, in the
pocket of a woman with no legs?

319
00:14:20,409 --> 00:14:23,679
I don't think so.
Pockets are very small.

320
00:14:23,704 --> 00:14:25,656
Especially women's pockets.

321
00:14:26,112 --> 00:14:29,211
You know, sometimes women
don't even have pockets at all.

322
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:32,088
I personally hope so many women

323
00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,868
who honestly would kill
to have a pocket...

324
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:36,651
And I'm keeping the comb.

325
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,427
Not that I'll ever use it of course.

326
00:14:38,452 --> 00:14:40,721
Why would I? I don't have any hair.

327
00:14:40,829 --> 00:14:42,430
Anyone with hair can see that.

328
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:44,900
Wow.

329
00:14:46,930 --> 00:14:48,712
Let me explain.

330
00:14:48,737 --> 00:14:51,906
Last week I saw John combing
his head in the parking garage,

331
00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:53,307
and I went to email you about it,

332
00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:55,377
but I emailed Christian by mistake.

333
00:14:55,444 --> 00:14:57,687
And it just took on a life of its own.

334
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,523
So you...

335
00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:02,751
knew about the comb,
and you didn't tell me.

336
00:15:02,859 --> 00:15:04,294
I was going to but then I just...

337
00:15:04,319 --> 00:15:05,253
No!

338
00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:06,731
It's okay.

339
00:15:07,021 --> 00:15:09,357
I mean, you can talk shit

340
00:15:09,382 --> 00:15:13,027
with whoever you want
about whomever you want.

341
00:15:13,094 --> 00:15:16,397
Obviously, we never
talked shit about you.

342
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,116
Of course you didn't.

343
00:15:19,069 --> 00:15:20,436
Oh, by the way,

344
00:15:20,593 --> 00:15:23,505
I don't have time
for tea and cookies today.

345
00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:25,073
Oh. Okay.

346
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:27,498
Well, that works out great

347
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:29,024
because I have to get ready

348
00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:31,481
for a gala I'm attending tonight.

349
00:15:32,079 --> 00:15:33,427
With Christian.

350
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:35,324
Deville.

351
00:15:35,349 --> 00:15:37,319
- Cool.
- Yeah, it is cool.

352
00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:38,793
Ice cool.

353
00:15:39,708 --> 00:15:42,341
"We stand together
against your tyranny."

354
00:15:42,366 --> 00:15:44,735
"We don't give a shit
about your decree."

355
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,862
"We'll post what we want
just to be spiteful."

356
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:50,297
"And your frustration
we'll find delightful."

357
00:15:50,531 --> 00:15:51,634
"Eat shit,

358
00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:52,700
"and also,

359
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,203
drink piss."

360
00:15:54,539 --> 00:15:56,205
You have a gift with words, Tammy.

361
00:15:56,271 --> 00:15:57,741
Stop it, Matt.

362
00:15:57,766 --> 00:15:59,166
It's your calligraphy
that really sells it.

363
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:02,206
Oh, I'd deny it if I could but I can't.

364
00:16:02,343 --> 00:16:04,278
I am not playing games here.

365
00:16:04,346 --> 00:16:05,814
If the three of you don't stop,

366
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,016
there will be serious consequences.

367
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:15,051
Well, that was aggressive
without being passive.

368
00:16:15,146 --> 00:16:16,299
What's that called?

369
00:16:16,324 --> 00:16:17,824
I guess the fun is over.

370
00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:19,667
Yeah.

371
00:16:20,203 --> 00:16:21,438
The fun is over.

372
00:16:21,463 --> 00:16:24,665
But the fun was fun while it lasted.

373
00:16:24,925 --> 00:16:26,401
It was pretty fun fun.

374
00:16:26,823 --> 00:16:27,625
Yeah.

375
00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:29,240
We all know that feeling...

376
00:16:29,265 --> 00:16:31,889
when you walk into the bathroom
in your socks

377
00:16:31,914 --> 00:16:34,084
and you step in
a little puddle of water.

378
00:16:34,109 --> 00:16:35,676
There's nothing worse.

379
00:16:35,743 --> 00:16:38,178
Well, maybe expect my mother's cooking.

380
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:43,184
His mother's cooking? What a hack.

381
00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:45,954
That's why I invented Bathroom Socks...

382
00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:47,488
the revolutionary socks

383
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,277
made out of moisture wicking material.

384
00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,976
I wish this kid got lost in the dryer.

385
00:16:53,001 --> 00:16:55,661
As I can see now,
you guys love socks too.

386
00:16:56,732 --> 00:16:58,192
Oh, thank you.

387
00:16:59,906 --> 00:17:02,175
- You wanna split this?
- Oh, God no.

388
00:17:02,204 --> 00:17:04,741
I paid $4 million for this evening.

389
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:06,106
You'd think they could serve
a better dessert

390
00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:08,301
than the free shit they
give you in business class.

391
00:17:08,572 --> 00:17:12,617
So, who's ready
to step into the future

392
00:17:12,642 --> 00:17:14,908
of the sock industry?

393
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,119
Ugh, a pun.

394
00:17:18,185 --> 00:17:21,568
I wish I could pun-ch him in the face.

395
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,769
Have a good night, Grace.

396
00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:42,067
You too, Kate.

397
00:17:50,354 --> 00:17:52,924
You know what's really been
pissing me off lately?

398
00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:56,085
Grace.

399
00:17:58,189 --> 00:18:00,236
She can be a bit much.

400
00:18:00,807 --> 00:18:02,763
You're being too easy on her.

401
00:18:03,229 --> 00:18:05,869
I think Grace can be a liar,

402
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,970
a cheater,

403
00:18:08,302 --> 00:18:11,215
and a dirty scoundrel
who doesn't know a good thing

404
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,802
when it's right in front
of her stupid face.

405
00:18:14,396 --> 00:18:17,372
And she always takes
the bigger half of the cookie.

406
00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:19,280
God, I hate her.

407
00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:21,359
But do you know who also

408
00:18:21,515 --> 00:18:23,359
can be a bit much?

409
00:18:25,030 --> 00:18:26,265
Kate.

410
00:18:26,812 --> 00:18:28,656
She can be more than a little

411
00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:30,259
jealous,

412
00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:31,957
and possessive.

413
00:18:32,042 --> 00:18:33,058
I mean, it's like,

414
00:18:33,136 --> 00:18:35,430
let your friends have
other friends already.

415
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:37,400
You know who sucks even worse

416
00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:39,128
than Grace or Kate?

417
00:18:40,324 --> 00:18:41,502
Christian.

418
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,472
He hates children.

419
00:18:43,871 --> 00:18:44,948
He's heartless.

420
00:18:45,342 --> 00:18:48,662
And he does these terrible impressions.

421
00:18:48,726 --> 00:18:51,562
Here's my impression of Christian.

422
00:18:53,546 --> 00:18:56,450
Can I trouble any
of you buffoons for a mint?

423
00:18:57,573 --> 00:18:59,506
I have lobster breath.

424
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:05,317
I missed you so much.

425
00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:08,568
I missed you too.

426
00:19:10,321 --> 00:19:11,931
Oh, I rode a horse to work today.

427
00:19:11,971 --> 00:19:13,767
Felt good to do my part
for the environment.

428
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:15,657
Oh, so that's why
you smell like horse shit.

429
00:19:15,682 --> 00:19:17,312
- Yeah.
- Hey, Matt. Hey, Jake.

430
00:19:17,337 --> 00:19:18,695
Hey, Tammy.

431
00:19:27,102 --> 00:19:28,468
Hello, Daniel.

432
00:19:28,789 --> 00:19:31,788
You guys, what did I tell you
about the notes?

433
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,295
"We hope you'll consider
reversing your decree.

434
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,760
We'd hate for your wife,
Brenda, to see these."

435
00:19:51,361 --> 00:19:53,684
Tammy, I thought
we agreed the fun was over.

436
00:19:53,865 --> 00:19:55,694
Oh, following Daniel after work

437
00:19:55,719 --> 00:19:58,734
and discovering him cheating
on his lovely wife wasn't fun.

438
00:19:58,903 --> 00:19:59,872
But it worked, right?

439
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,569
Well, catch you guys later.

440
00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:05,868
Let me know who you
wanna take down next.

441
00:20:06,711 --> 00:20:07,940
Peace.

442
00:20:09,956 --> 00:20:12,168
You know who can be a bit much? Tammy.

443
00:20:12,193 --> 00:20:14,597
Seriously. She can't even make coffee.

444
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:16,817
It's a simple water to grounds ratio.

445
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:18,733
Maybe you should spend
less time stalking Daniel

446
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,868
and more time doing your job.

447
00:20:19,935 --> 00:20:21,897
Yeah, maybe next time stalk a barista.

448
00:20:23,475 --> 00:20:24,678
Did you hear that Matt

449
00:20:24,703 --> 00:20:26,991
started calling himself a calligraphist?

450
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:29,611
He's a messy Ren Faire bitch,
and he knows it.

451
00:20:54,405 --> 00:21:02,295
credits