1 00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:19,992 Oh hi, Sally. 2 00:00:20,067 --> 00:00:21,067 It's Mary. 3 00:00:21,091 --> 00:00:22,984 _ 4 00:00:23,009 --> 00:00:25,812 Well, actually I was wondering whether 5 00:00:25,837 --> 00:00:29,409 we should take the Brownies somewhere else this weekend. 6 00:00:29,914 --> 00:00:30,999 Oh, no reason. 7 00:00:31,843 --> 00:00:34,279 No, nothing to do with work. 8 00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:35,705 _ 9 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:36,730 Oh gosh. 10 00:00:37,059 --> 00:00:39,755 Well, anywhere really. 11 00:00:43,191 --> 00:00:45,191 _ 12 00:00:45,244 --> 00:00:46,445 Shetland? 13 00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:52,460 credits 14 00:00:58,494 --> 00:01:01,206 And in short, that's why I have to sleep 15 00:01:01,231 --> 00:01:02,403 completely naked. 16 00:01:03,979 --> 00:01:05,584 Well, that's good to know. 17 00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:07,193 Okay, so just to remind everyone, 18 00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:09,019 we're still on Amber alert following 19 00:01:09,044 --> 00:01:10,322 the poisoned water attacks 20 00:01:10,347 --> 00:01:12,084 that took place in Paris over the weekend. 21 00:01:12,109 --> 00:01:13,154 How far is Paris? 22 00:01:13,179 --> 00:01:15,442 Aside from Paris, what else is going on, Joseph? 23 00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:16,693 Do we have a systems update? 24 00:01:16,718 --> 00:01:18,363 Yes, not great I'm afraid. 25 00:01:18,388 --> 00:01:20,388 Tuva's already looking into who might be behind it. 26 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,694 But we had an attack on one of our own servers last night. 27 00:01:22,719 --> 00:01:24,307 - Oh, fucking tense! - I know. 28 00:01:24,332 --> 00:01:25,757 When exactly did it happen? 29 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,097 No! 30 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,321 Attention please. 31 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,545 This is a test. 32 00:01:30,654 --> 00:01:32,670 Please take no action. 33 00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:34,545 What on earth are you doing? 34 00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:35,758 Sorry. 35 00:01:35,919 --> 00:01:39,193 I still get PTSD from my time in Afghanistan. 36 00:01:39,218 --> 00:01:40,627 You never served in Afghanistan. 37 00:01:40,628 --> 00:01:44,123 Yeah, I know. But the drone footage I saw was very realistic. 38 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,992 How much data was compromised? 39 00:01:46,017 --> 00:01:47,982 Yeah, it may sound insulting really. 40 00:01:48,296 --> 00:01:50,177 Macedites from the middle server. 41 00:01:50,201 --> 00:01:51,681 They did manage to capture a tiny bit 42 00:01:51,682 --> 00:01:53,407 of Mary's Internet browsing history, sadly. 43 00:01:53,432 --> 00:01:54,421 Oh no. 44 00:01:54,446 --> 00:01:56,166 Please tell me none of that was sensitive. 45 00:01:56,191 --> 00:01:58,843 No, apart from 46 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,913 I have been looking online for a new bra. 47 00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,257 Really, what type? 48 00:02:03,282 --> 00:02:04,843 Just a brown one. 49 00:02:05,053 --> 00:02:06,053 Yeah baby. 50 00:02:06,078 --> 00:02:07,249 Found him. 51 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:08,908 This is our hacker. 52 00:02:14,416 --> 00:02:15,668 - Fuck me. - Oh my gosh. 53 00:02:15,693 --> 00:02:16,982 Gosh, what a dick. 54 00:02:17,007 --> 00:02:20,287 Sorry, Jerry, do you mind using less bad language? 55 00:02:20,693 --> 00:02:21,693 Seriously? 56 00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:23,164 Shit is fine thought, isn't it? 57 00:02:23,189 --> 00:02:24,459 Now I say shit all the time. 58 00:02:24,484 --> 00:02:25,722 No you just talk shit. 59 00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:26,834 There's a difference. 60 00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,041 Oh yeah! 61 00:02:29,707 --> 00:02:31,512 - No, you have to let go. - Sorry. 62 00:02:31,587 --> 00:02:32,610 This guy is good. 63 00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:34,632 He once hacked the NSA database. 64 00:02:34,657 --> 00:02:36,469 NSA database, really? 65 00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:39,952 You know maybe we should bring this guy in. 66 00:02:39,977 --> 00:02:41,017 Make him part of the team. 67 00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:42,087 Absolutely not. 68 00:02:42,112 --> 00:02:45,334 I'm serious. I mean Tuva used to be a hacker, right? 69 00:02:45,634 --> 00:02:48,356 I don't know if I appreciate the term hacker 70 00:02:48,381 --> 00:02:50,091 because I'm also a singer. 71 00:02:50,116 --> 00:02:52,161 The only reason Tuva is here 72 00:02:52,186 --> 00:02:54,643 is because she made a bargaining plea with the government 73 00:02:54,668 --> 00:02:57,617 in exchange for some highly sensitive intel. 74 00:02:57,641 --> 00:03:00,507 - Please don't say... - It was about the Brexit campaign. 75 00:03:00,508 --> 00:03:02,253 What that was about. 76 00:03:02,278 --> 00:03:04,964 My point is we should keep our enemies close. 77 00:03:04,989 --> 00:03:06,714 Surely we can agree on that. 78 00:03:06,947 --> 00:03:09,072 Look, give me 48 hours with him. 79 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:12,155 If it doesn't work out, I'm willing to take the hit on this. 80 00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,119 Fine. 81 00:03:14,144 --> 00:03:15,756 - Really? - Why not? 82 00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:17,967 I have complete faith in you. 83 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,642 Ah, looks like I'm finally rubbing you off 84 00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:23,846 on me. 85 00:03:24,427 --> 00:03:26,072 - Finally... - Rubbing off on you. 86 00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:27,872 - Rubbing? - Rubbing off on you. 87 00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,530 - I'm finally... - Yes. 88 00:03:29,555 --> 00:03:31,147 - Rubbing off on you. - Yes, that's the saying. 89 00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:33,428 - You're rubbing off on me. - You wish. 90 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:35,980 Oh, one final thing. 91 00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:38,482 Barnaby Bailer will be delivering his seminar 92 00:03:38,507 --> 00:03:40,733 on the politics of cyber security this week 93 00:03:40,758 --> 00:03:42,803 - to which you're all invited. - Bailer? 94 00:03:43,107 --> 00:03:44,512 The Middle East attaché? 95 00:03:44,587 --> 00:03:45,670 I love that guy! 96 00:03:45,695 --> 00:03:48,202 He and I used to make these cupcakes together 97 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,399 when he was over for 9/11. 98 00:03:51,717 --> 00:03:53,444 Who's running his protection detail? 99 00:03:53,469 --> 00:03:55,469 'Cause last time got pretty rowdy. 100 00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,937 Oh, I'm sure his people will run it given his somewhat contentious legacy. 101 00:03:58,961 --> 00:04:01,003 Well, I'll pop down there just to be sure. 102 00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:02,392 Know what I'm saying? 103 00:04:02,417 --> 00:04:03,657 I can't hear you. 104 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,540 Just in case it should come up, 105 00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:09,682 I actually used to date Barnaby Bailer. 106 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:10,961 What the fuck? 107 00:04:10,986 --> 00:04:12,016 Jerry, please. 108 00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:14,016 When we were in university together. 109 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:16,090 I don't suspect he'll remember me, though. 110 00:04:16,115 --> 00:04:18,522 It was all, you know, very brief. 111 00:04:18,547 --> 00:04:21,493 What, like in a premature ejaculation kind of way? 112 00:04:21,518 --> 00:04:24,089 Sorry, I really don't know what that is. 113 00:04:24,114 --> 00:04:25,563 Well, I'm sure Joseph can show you. 114 00:04:30,093 --> 00:04:31,338 Well, what is it? 115 00:04:33,354 --> 00:04:34,063 Jerry? 116 00:04:34,088 --> 00:04:36,211 I don't know, should we look it up? 117 00:04:39,426 --> 00:04:41,661 _ 118 00:04:42,109 --> 00:04:43,915 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 119 00:04:50,818 --> 00:04:52,427 My contact at the NSA has agreed 120 00:04:52,428 --> 00:04:54,209 to let me view Jerry's internal file. 121 00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:56,017 Can you save it onto the private server? 122 00:04:56,041 --> 00:04:57,432 It's important. 123 00:04:57,457 --> 00:04:59,638 Sure, do you want an ice cream? 124 00:04:59,725 --> 00:05:02,570 Did you get anything I just said? 125 00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:04,055 No. 126 00:05:05,047 --> 00:05:07,047 _ 127 00:05:12,406 --> 00:05:14,294 Is everything okay? 128 00:05:14,388 --> 00:05:17,353 Yeah, I don't know where Jerry got to, that's all. 129 00:05:17,452 --> 00:05:20,857 Oh, he and I usually have a coffee around this time. 130 00:05:20,882 --> 00:05:24,187 Well, I'd bring him a coffee and just watch him drink it. 131 00:05:25,311 --> 00:05:26,861 Thanks Mary. 132 00:05:28,187 --> 00:05:29,672 Oh, Quentin. 133 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:30,697 Hello. 134 00:05:31,922 --> 00:05:35,207 Sorry, I picked up Mom's glasses by accident this morning. 135 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,339 I thought you said you couldn't see. 136 00:05:37,364 --> 00:05:39,882 Oh well, she can't at night. 137 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:43,576 What are you up to this evening? 138 00:05:43,601 --> 00:05:48,079 Well, I usually help Mom with her bath on Wednesdays. 139 00:05:49,292 --> 00:05:52,390 Let me know if I can ever be of service. 140 00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:55,300 Oh, I don't think Mom would like that. 141 00:05:55,325 --> 00:05:57,961 She wouldn't know if she can't see. 142 00:05:58,416 --> 00:06:02,101 She would know if there were four hands in the bath. 143 00:06:02,427 --> 00:06:03,427 Yes. 144 00:06:05,414 --> 00:06:07,339 Half an octopus. 145 00:06:07,547 --> 00:06:08,547 Yes. 146 00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,266 See you later. 147 00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,267 Okay. 148 00:06:16,523 --> 00:06:19,439 So I thought I'd start out by giving you like a quick tour 149 00:06:19,514 --> 00:06:20,769 and then I don't know. 150 00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:23,241 Probably just hang out, grab a drink. 151 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:24,496 Maybe some tail. 152 00:06:24,521 --> 00:06:26,632 Guys, this is Tom. 153 00:06:26,657 --> 00:06:28,697 He's the one that hacked our server the other night. 154 00:06:28,748 --> 00:06:30,512 - Hey Tom. - Hi. 155 00:06:30,537 --> 00:06:31,942 This is Mary. 156 00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,402 Mary's been with GCHQ from the beginning. 157 00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:35,898 When was it founded, Mary? 158 00:06:35,923 --> 00:06:37,521 1919. 159 00:06:37,546 --> 00:06:38,546 Right, so then. 160 00:06:38,547 --> 00:06:40,472 Well, not quite. 161 00:06:40,547 --> 00:06:42,399 I'm actually a lot younger than I look. 162 00:06:42,474 --> 00:06:44,032 Really, by how much? 163 00:06:44,057 --> 00:06:46,622 Gosh, no one's ever asked me that before. 164 00:06:46,647 --> 00:06:49,352 Plus she's absolutely filthy, you know what I mean? 165 00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:50,672 The mouth on her. 166 00:06:50,697 --> 00:06:51,656 This is Tuva. 167 00:06:51,681 --> 00:06:53,562 What'd you get up to this weekend? 168 00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:54,570 Not much. 169 00:06:54,595 --> 00:06:57,758 I just went to a club, got with couple of salty jerks. 170 00:06:57,816 --> 00:06:59,108 Your accent's really fresh. 171 00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:00,092 Who is not to use it? 172 00:07:00,117 --> 00:07:01,362 It's a mix. 173 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,559 So you hacked the GCHQ server? 174 00:07:03,584 --> 00:07:04,805 Yep. 175 00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:07,755 I don't know whether to be impressed, annoyed 176 00:07:07,984 --> 00:07:09,147 or aroused. 177 00:07:10,144 --> 00:07:11,144 Probably annoyed. 178 00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,414 - Annoyed. - Aroused. 179 00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:14,669 I could sell the sprinters off if you like. 180 00:07:15,281 --> 00:07:16,697 Hey Tom, this is Joseph. 181 00:07:16,721 --> 00:07:17,881 Yeah I'm sorry, I'm Joseph. 182 00:07:17,882 --> 00:07:19,594 How are you? I'm actually Jerry's best friend. 183 00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:21,537 - PA. - Sorry, no, you go. 184 00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:23,322 Colleague. 185 00:07:23,347 --> 00:07:24,627 Do you always dress like that? 186 00:07:25,159 --> 00:07:26,980 Yes, why? 187 00:07:27,005 --> 00:07:29,695 No, that's cool. I was just wondering if it was for a bet or something. 188 00:07:30,524 --> 00:07:32,854 I can't even tell if he's joking. 189 00:07:32,879 --> 00:07:34,789 Are you joking? 190 00:07:38,621 --> 00:07:39,661 Do you work out? 191 00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:42,258 'Cause your traps are amazing. 192 00:07:42,283 --> 00:07:44,735 No, just came out like this. 193 00:07:47,104 --> 00:07:48,722 Let me introduce you to Christine. 194 00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:52,266 She's like the scary Mary Poppins of the team. 195 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:56,492 He seems nice. 196 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:59,122 I just think he finds me a little bit intimidating, 197 00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:01,250 which is a shame really. 198 00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:04,506 You know, he's hiding something, 199 00:08:04,507 --> 00:08:05,477 I'm sure of it. 200 00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:07,402 Our hands are tied, Chris. 201 00:08:07,427 --> 00:08:08,789 Sorry. 202 00:08:08,814 --> 00:08:11,979 Whitehall don't want us digging around about Jerry. 203 00:08:12,004 --> 00:08:13,609 What's that noise? 204 00:08:13,955 --> 00:08:16,040 Are you still on the Anthrax case? 205 00:08:16,445 --> 00:08:18,050 Sort of. 206 00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:19,762 Phantom of the Opera, Damascus. 207 00:08:19,787 --> 00:08:21,392 It's just starting. 208 00:08:24,763 --> 00:08:26,763 _ 209 00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:32,003 Well hey, just out of interest. 210 00:08:32,027 --> 00:08:33,952 Is it possible for someone like you 211 00:08:33,977 --> 00:08:36,672 to hack into say, I don't know, 212 00:08:36,697 --> 00:08:38,844 the NSA database? 213 00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:41,922 Have a look around, delete the odd file? 214 00:08:41,947 --> 00:08:45,422 You know someone's actually trying to access your file right now. 215 00:08:45,447 --> 00:08:46,781 What? 216 00:08:46,930 --> 00:08:48,812 Oh, that's uh, yeah. 217 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:51,109 Can you abort that transfer? 218 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,319 Just for fun? 219 00:08:53,587 --> 00:08:55,891 Yeah, I can just do, 220 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:57,535 aborted. 221 00:08:57,856 --> 00:08:59,133 _ 222 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,828 - Uh... - What's happening? 223 00:09:06,861 --> 00:09:07,992 It's uploading again. 224 00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:09,000 What the? 225 00:09:09,794 --> 00:09:11,805 I could just permanently delete the file. 226 00:09:11,830 --> 00:09:14,680 I would love to see what that looks like. 227 00:09:17,795 --> 00:09:19,695 I love your cologne, by the way. 228 00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:21,586 I'm not wearing any. 229 00:09:22,773 --> 00:09:23,924 Still. 230 00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:25,039 Done. 231 00:09:25,789 --> 00:09:26,883 _ 232 00:09:27,094 --> 00:09:28,132 _ 233 00:09:45,346 --> 00:09:46,186 Jerry. 234 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:46,928 Yeah? 235 00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,295 Should I clean up your browsing history? 236 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,417 Yeah, please. 237 00:09:51,442 --> 00:09:52,944 That would be great. 238 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:56,319 I'll be back. 239 00:09:56,627 --> 00:09:57,897 - Hey. - Hey man. 240 00:09:57,921 --> 00:10:00,264 I just wondered if you would fancy going to the canteen together. 241 00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,210 I do know that curly sausage you like. 242 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,122 Oh man, I'd love to but actually 243 00:10:04,147 --> 00:10:06,639 Tom and I are going out for T-bones later. 244 00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:07,913 Tonight? 245 00:10:07,938 --> 00:10:09,298 Oh, 'cause I'm not doing anything. 246 00:10:09,323 --> 00:10:11,000 You know, I look at this guy 247 00:10:11,025 --> 00:10:13,950 and I can't help but think about that saying, 248 00:10:13,975 --> 00:10:16,660 you hang around with chickens, you cluck. 249 00:10:16,707 --> 00:10:19,772 You hang around with eagles, you fly. 250 00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:22,678 Yeah, I know but the main thing with eagles though 251 00:10:22,703 --> 00:10:24,468 is that they all have mental health problems. 252 00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:25,849 All done. 253 00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:27,585 - So when is actually... - Excuse me. 254 00:10:29,164 --> 00:10:31,233 Yeah, thank you. 255 00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:37,497 Dude, seriously, how do you stay in shape? 256 00:10:37,932 --> 00:10:39,570 Well, I used to be a gymnast 257 00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,240 but I just got too big. 258 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,950 Yeah, I know, me too. 259 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:43,991 So what kind of stuff? 260 00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:45,854 I mean, can you show me something? 261 00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:48,112 - It's been a while. - Come on man. 262 00:10:48,137 --> 00:10:49,788 - I'm out of practice. - Come on. 263 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:51,202 Oh, hey guys. 264 00:10:51,227 --> 00:10:52,440 Come on yeah! 265 00:10:52,465 --> 00:10:53,991 Okay, watch this. 266 00:10:58,481 --> 00:10:59,264 Oh! 267 00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:01,968 Wow, what the fuck! 268 00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:02,993 That was great. 269 00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:03,592 That was... 270 00:11:03,617 --> 00:11:04,374 - Did you see that? - Yeah, I did. 271 00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:06,686 Well, I used to do that all the time when I was in gym club. 272 00:11:06,711 --> 00:11:08,803 What, you were a gymnast? 273 00:11:08,828 --> 00:11:10,741 Oh, it was mostly combat rolls, that kind of thing. 274 00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:12,280 What's combat roll? 275 00:11:12,512 --> 00:11:14,181 Oh well, hang on let me just, 276 00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,631 I just need a bit of space to... Thank you. 277 00:11:18,341 --> 00:11:19,786 It's sort of like, 278 00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:26,702 get your leg over sort of like this. 279 00:11:27,498 --> 00:11:29,499 You paid someone to teach you that? 280 00:11:29,547 --> 00:11:30,547 Yeah. 281 00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:34,081 Isn't that just a teddy bear roll? 282 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:35,418 Yeah, combat roll. 283 00:11:35,443 --> 00:11:38,273 But we used to practice a lot more complicated stuff in my bedroom. 284 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,729 Like what? 285 00:11:39,947 --> 00:11:41,380 Oh, I can't really demonstrate here 286 00:11:41,405 --> 00:11:43,241 because it's not the space, and it's not the height? 287 00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:45,116 - For you? - Come on. I just can't really. 288 00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:46,647 I'm not warmed up. 289 00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:50,585 Joseph, Joseph, Joseph, Joseph! 290 00:11:50,932 --> 00:11:51,932 Okay, okay! 291 00:11:51,957 --> 00:11:54,108 Joseph, Joseph, Joseph! 292 00:12:05,411 --> 00:12:06,652 You hungry? 293 00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:07,889 I could eat. 294 00:12:12,046 --> 00:12:14,497 _ 295 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,392 Oh man! 296 00:12:28,971 --> 00:12:30,505 Yeah? 297 00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:33,450 Hey. 298 00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:35,280 Hey, what the fuck? 299 00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:37,110 Is everything okay? 300 00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:38,620 Yeah, why? 301 00:12:38,645 --> 00:12:40,370 You know I got tased, right? 302 00:12:40,432 --> 00:12:41,901 No I know that, but what are you, 303 00:12:41,926 --> 00:12:43,138 what happened? 304 00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:45,657 Just fancied a change. 305 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,137 What, from man to woman? 306 00:12:47,161 --> 00:12:48,617 What'd you do to your hair? 307 00:12:48,641 --> 00:12:50,737 - I wanted to make it blonde. - No. 308 00:12:50,761 --> 00:12:51,723 No? 309 00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:54,442 No, that would never work with someone of your coloring. 310 00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:57,392 And you end up looking like a bee. 311 00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:58,615 Buddy. 312 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:03,232 So have you... you're finished with Tom now. 313 00:13:03,257 --> 00:13:05,622 Is he gone back, where is he? 314 00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:07,584 He'll be in later this afternoon. 315 00:13:07,609 --> 00:13:10,122 We got totally shit faced last night. 316 00:13:14,992 --> 00:13:17,037 - What's up? - Oh, nothing. 317 00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,292 Wait, wait a minute. 318 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,208 Dude, is this because of Tom? 319 00:13:23,885 --> 00:13:24,925 No. 320 00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:27,075 Listen, you need to relax 321 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,309 and just be your own man. 322 00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:30,939 Okay, you do you. 323 00:13:30,964 --> 00:13:32,484 That's the coolest thing you could do. 324 00:13:32,627 --> 00:13:33,848 - Yeah. - Okay? 325 00:13:33,873 --> 00:13:34,873 Yeah. 326 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:37,552 Well yeah, just as long as 327 00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:39,650 you and I get to... 328 00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:40,793 What? 329 00:13:40,818 --> 00:13:42,989 Well, you know, remain... 330 00:13:43,014 --> 00:13:46,018 Oh, what like this? 331 00:13:46,043 --> 00:13:46,645 Yeah. 332 00:13:46,670 --> 00:13:49,235 Yeah, no this will never change. 333 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,973 All right, thank you, good. 334 00:13:54,887 --> 00:13:57,067 So what are you doing tonight? Do you want to go out to the cinema or something? 335 00:13:57,092 --> 00:13:59,348 No, I'm out again tonight with Tom. 336 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:04,934 So when was the last time you saw Barnaby? 337 00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:08,606 Gosh, maybe 40 years ago now. 338 00:14:09,512 --> 00:14:11,917 I still think about him every day, though. 339 00:14:11,942 --> 00:14:15,590 Can I ask, are you still a virgin? 340 00:14:17,309 --> 00:14:18,309 Oh, yes, 341 00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:21,372 but only fairly recently. 342 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:25,245 And when was the last time you washed your wig? 343 00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:28,403 It's not a wig. 344 00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:32,950 Tommy, hey. 345 00:14:36,747 --> 00:14:39,559 So listen, I was just thinking of having some birthday drinks. 346 00:14:39,584 --> 00:14:40,998 I can't, I'm sorry. 347 00:14:41,023 --> 00:14:41,973 No, it's not tonight. 348 00:14:41,998 --> 00:14:43,778 Sorry, I should have been clearer. 349 00:14:43,803 --> 00:14:45,793 I know you and Jerry got a thing tonight, which is fine. 350 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,383 No, I just mean in general. I probably can't make it. 351 00:14:48,743 --> 00:14:50,934 Well, that's cool. That's cool. 352 00:14:50,959 --> 00:14:52,504 I'm not really flexible anyway. 353 00:14:52,529 --> 00:14:54,373 I'm booked anyway 'cause yeah. 354 00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:55,809 Just let me know. 355 00:14:55,834 --> 00:14:57,676 I am letting you know. 356 00:14:57,701 --> 00:14:59,459 I can't make it. 357 00:14:59,907 --> 00:15:02,598 Well, let's not rule anything out. I mean it's not for eight months, Tom. 358 00:15:03,185 --> 00:15:05,082 Okay, I want you guys here. 359 00:15:05,107 --> 00:15:08,392 Here, here, here, and here throughout. 360 00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:09,712 Got it? 361 00:15:09,787 --> 00:15:11,170 Also, I'm gonna need you to clear 362 00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:12,834 a little more space over here just in case 363 00:15:12,835 --> 00:15:14,759 I need to do karate. 364 00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,676 I had a bodyguard buddy 365 00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:19,666 who lost his job because there wasn't enough space 366 00:15:19,691 --> 00:15:21,936 for him to do karate at a key moment. 367 00:15:21,961 --> 00:15:23,162 All right, back up a bit. 368 00:15:23,187 --> 00:15:24,537 Little more, little more. 369 00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:28,928 Yeah, another two or three feet, right over there. 370 00:15:28,953 --> 00:15:32,045 So, are there any areas you'd like me to accentuate? 371 00:15:32,394 --> 00:15:33,394 Oh well. 372 00:15:34,158 --> 00:15:36,130 The vicar at church, 373 00:15:36,252 --> 00:15:38,973 he always says that I have lovely cheek bones. 374 00:15:38,998 --> 00:15:41,682 My only worry is that if I bring those out any more, 375 00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:44,152 you're going to look like a skull on a broomstick. 376 00:15:44,227 --> 00:15:45,227 Right. 377 00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:47,347 Cigarette? 378 00:15:48,439 --> 00:15:49,891 Yeah, all right. 379 00:16:05,426 --> 00:16:06,639 Go on ahead. 380 00:16:08,231 --> 00:16:11,434 I'll have this one. 381 00:16:12,628 --> 00:16:14,146 You got a light? 382 00:16:16,794 --> 00:16:18,904 Are you still lighting your cigarettes? 383 00:16:19,092 --> 00:16:20,330 I just chew mine. 384 00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:50,674 Lips? 385 00:16:50,707 --> 00:16:52,168 Oh, yes please. 386 00:16:52,193 --> 00:16:54,838 I'd really like him to tight up lips. 387 00:16:54,863 --> 00:16:56,911 I'd go for bright pink. 388 00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:58,843 If it's the first time you've seen each other 389 00:16:58,868 --> 00:16:59,934 in a while, 390 00:16:59,959 --> 00:17:02,411 then you want your lips to look like a, 391 00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:04,312 cat's butt hole. 392 00:17:04,387 --> 00:17:05,387 Oh. 393 00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:10,272 And do lots of men find that attractive? 394 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,502 No. 395 00:17:11,527 --> 00:17:13,252 But, Barnaby will. 396 00:17:13,277 --> 00:17:14,277 Let's start. 397 00:17:15,508 --> 00:17:16,508 Guest list. 398 00:17:21,427 --> 00:17:23,323 No, the whole thing needs to be redone. 399 00:17:23,347 --> 00:17:24,667 If I can't pronounce a last name, 400 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,126 I want them off the list. 401 00:17:26,151 --> 00:17:27,151 Woo, ha, ha. 402 00:17:28,227 --> 00:17:29,319 Good. 403 00:17:29,394 --> 00:17:30,394 Good. 404 00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:34,707 Oh wow. 405 00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:36,747 Ow! 406 00:17:36,772 --> 00:17:38,736 Did you do that piercing yourself? 407 00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:40,051 No, 408 00:17:40,721 --> 00:17:42,356 I just slept awkwardly. 409 00:17:42,381 --> 00:17:44,486 I actually see a bit of blood, though. 410 00:17:44,569 --> 00:17:45,594 Are you coming? 411 00:17:45,619 --> 00:17:47,653 Oh no, I think me and Tom are just gonna hang. 412 00:17:47,727 --> 00:17:48,737 Cool. 413 00:17:48,761 --> 00:17:51,032 No, where are you going? 414 00:17:51,057 --> 00:17:52,552 To the Barnaby Bailer thing. 415 00:17:52,627 --> 00:17:54,512 Barnaby Bailer's here? 416 00:17:54,587 --> 00:17:55,832 Politician? 417 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,934 Yeah, I know, what a fucking nickhead. 418 00:17:58,281 --> 00:17:59,657 I should go. 419 00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:01,337 - Be fun. - That's what I meant. 420 00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:02,432 Be fun. 421 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:03,700 Should go. 422 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,754 I need you in that corner. 423 00:18:10,307 --> 00:18:11,739 - Bailer! - Hi. 424 00:18:11,764 --> 00:18:13,482 Jerry Bernstein, NSA. 425 00:18:13,507 --> 00:18:15,028 We did 9/11 together. 426 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,378 Can I get you a little cupcake? 427 00:18:16,403 --> 00:18:18,375 You fucking maniac? 428 00:18:18,644 --> 00:18:20,837 I'd love a glass of milk, please. 429 00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:23,592 Right, can someone get Barnaby a glass of milk? 430 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,757 Hi, Barnaby. 431 00:18:24,781 --> 00:18:27,262 Would you mind just taking a quick pic, for our social media? 432 00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:27,995 No, of course not. 433 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:30,049 - Would you like me in it again? - No, of course not. 434 00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:31,283 You know, let me do this. 435 00:18:31,308 --> 00:18:33,353 I'm really good at wildlife photography. 436 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:35,183 How do you? Right. 437 00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:37,878 Okay, one, two, 438 00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:39,738 Chris, you may wanna try to smile. 439 00:18:39,763 --> 00:18:41,539 You know just imagine there's been an attack 440 00:18:41,564 --> 00:18:42,745 on U.S. soil. 441 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,302 Still no good. 442 00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,922 Why don't we sex this up a little. 443 00:18:47,947 --> 00:18:49,712 Tom, leave that, come here! 444 00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:51,232 Throw your arm around Bailer, yeah. 445 00:18:51,307 --> 00:18:53,467 Oh this is, yeah, this is better right away. 446 00:18:53,514 --> 00:18:54,952 - Here we go. - Sorry Jerry. 447 00:18:55,027 --> 00:18:56,210 Hi, I'm Barnaby Joseph Harry. 448 00:18:56,234 --> 00:18:57,706 I'm not sure if your concerned about 449 00:18:57,707 --> 00:18:58,867 having a natural mouth shape. 450 00:18:58,891 --> 00:19:00,091 But if you say wagamama a lot, 451 00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:01,722 it gives you a very kind of honest look. 452 00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:03,221 Shall we try that? 453 00:19:03,587 --> 00:19:05,432 One, two, three. 454 00:19:05,457 --> 00:19:07,069 Wagamama. 455 00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:08,423 I've actually never been to one. 456 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,552 Oh, it's really great. 457 00:19:09,577 --> 00:19:11,721 The only thing is the food always arrives at different times. 458 00:19:11,746 --> 00:19:13,354 - Why? - No one knows. 459 00:19:13,379 --> 00:19:14,539 Chris, take a look at this. 460 00:19:14,595 --> 00:19:15,680 I think it's terrific. 461 00:19:15,707 --> 00:19:17,239 Evelyn looks rough. 462 00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:19,649 Oh hi, Barnaby. 463 00:19:19,674 --> 00:19:20,832 How are you? 464 00:19:20,907 --> 00:19:22,312 Hi, I'm good, thanks. 465 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:25,752 Mary Needham, we were at Oxford together. 466 00:19:25,827 --> 00:19:27,049 St. Johns? 467 00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:29,407 Right, are you the one that had a stroke? 468 00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:30,752 Oh gosh, no. 469 00:19:30,777 --> 00:19:32,409 It's just make up. 470 00:19:32,787 --> 00:19:34,719 Right, lovely to see you again. 471 00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,672 I'm surprised you even remember me. 472 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,627 I don't remember you. 473 00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:39,712 Okay, shall we start? 474 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:40,797 - Yes. - Great. 475 00:19:40,822 --> 00:19:43,193 Everyone, we're gonna start. 476 00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,163 Just so you know I'm gonna be up top 477 00:19:45,187 --> 00:19:47,307 in case anyone tries to poof! 478 00:19:52,546 --> 00:19:53,706 Did you see where Tom went? 479 00:19:53,707 --> 00:19:54,707 Sh! 480 00:20:00,213 --> 00:20:02,352 Right, well, hello everyone. 481 00:20:02,427 --> 00:20:04,359 Thanks so much for having me. 482 00:20:04,687 --> 00:20:07,845 In an increasingly digital world 483 00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:10,417 cooperation between intelligence agencies 484 00:20:10,441 --> 00:20:11,872 has become vital. 485 00:20:12,471 --> 00:20:16,217 And never has politics played such an important role 486 00:20:16,241 --> 00:20:20,034 in how we view cyber security as a society. 487 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:27,104 In 1997, I started a very long journey 488 00:20:27,369 --> 00:20:29,214 together with my wife, Samantha. 489 00:20:29,587 --> 00:20:31,673 We moved into Downing Street 490 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,319 with a promise to the people of Britain. 491 00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:37,632 No wait, what, what, what! 492 00:20:37,976 --> 00:20:39,976 * 493 00:20:40,609 --> 00:20:44,674 Okay, our friends from Greenpeace in? 494 00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:50,612 Sorry, anyways onwards and upwards. 495 00:20:51,278 --> 00:20:52,440 Good. 496 00:20:52,749 --> 00:20:56,799 Either we treat hacking offenses as serious crimes or... 497 00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:02,322 ...or face the consequences of... 498 00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,034 Has someone hacked the system? 499 00:21:05,327 --> 00:21:07,807 I expected better than this, to be honest. 500 00:21:10,833 --> 00:21:13,159 Excellent, now it's all over Twitter. 501 00:21:13,586 --> 00:21:15,237 Anyone know who's responsible? 502 00:21:15,262 --> 00:21:16,424 I must say I'm looking forward 503 00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,471 to explaining to Rupert which one of us 504 00:21:18,496 --> 00:21:21,596 decided to invite a random hacker into the building. 505 00:21:22,637 --> 00:21:24,562 Go ahead, there's nothing here 506 00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,495 that says this was the work of Tom. 507 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:27,810 Let's get this sorted. 508 00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:36,942 Could be a different Tom. 509 00:21:37,644 --> 00:21:39,260 Oh my God. 510 00:21:39,547 --> 00:21:43,599 ? This is Ground Control to Major Tom ? 511 00:21:43,674 --> 00:21:48,592 ? You've really made the grade ? 512 00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:52,617 ? And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear ? 513 00:21:52,641 --> 00:21:54,269 Wanna go get some T-bones? 514 00:21:54,294 --> 00:21:55,575 Yeah. 515 00:21:55,787 --> 00:22:00,319 ? Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare ? 516 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:12,427 Very nice. 517 00:22:13,104 --> 00:22:14,229 Cat bum. 518 00:22:15,526 --> 00:22:16,915 Oh, thank you. 519 00:22:18,151 --> 00:22:24,349 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 520 00:22:26,307 --> 00:22:27,912 ? Misery's on the way ? 521 00:22:27,987 --> 00:22:29,312 ? There are bad vibes ? 522 00:22:29,387 --> 00:22:31,712 ? Just around the corner ? 523 00:22:31,787 --> 00:22:33,152 ? There are dark clouds ? 524 00:22:33,227 --> 00:22:35,632 ? Hurtling through the sky ? 525 00:22:35,707 --> 00:22:37,632 ? It's as clear as crystal ? 526 00:22:37,707 --> 00:22:39,672 ? From Bridlington to Bristol ? 527 00:22:39,747 --> 00:22:41,632 ? That we can't save democracy ? 528 00:22:41,707 --> 00:22:43,512 ? And we don't much care ? 529 00:22:43,587 --> 00:22:45,352 ? We'd better all learn the lyrics ? 530 00:22:45,427 --> 00:22:47,512 ? Of the old Red Flag ? 531 00:22:47,579 --> 00:22:51,731 ? But wait till we drop down dead ?