1
00:00:16,027 --> 00:00:17,137
You can spin it,

2
00:00:17,162 --> 00:00:18,815
- as quick as you can,
- _

3
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,544
and then you can see all the
different colors like that.

4
00:00:20,569 --> 00:00:22,223
It's really clever.

5
00:00:22,263 --> 00:00:24,410
You didn't borrow my
memory stick did you?

6
00:00:24,474 --> 00:00:26,714
It's got a picture of a vagina on it.

7
00:00:26,739 --> 00:00:28,538
Printed on the actual pic or as a JPEG?

8
00:00:28,563 --> 00:00:29,563
Both.

9
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:30,723
And it's yours?

10
00:00:30,748 --> 00:00:33,282
The stick belongs to me
but it's not my vagina.

11
00:00:33,307 --> 00:00:34,565
What does it look like?

12
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:35,489
My vagina?

13
00:00:35,514 --> 00:00:36,774
Sorry, do you think terrorists

14
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,104
just sit around chatting all day?

15
00:00:38,129 --> 00:00:39,391
Get back to work.

16
00:00:39,842 --> 00:00:41,537
I bet some of them do.

17
00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:43,083
You'd go mad otherwise wouldn't you?

18
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,459
Suicidal.

19
00:00:53,817 --> 00:00:58,607
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com

20
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,290
Do you want a biscuit or anything Tula?

21
00:01:10,314 --> 00:01:11,303
- Mary, do you want a biscuit?
- No.

22
00:01:11,328 --> 00:01:12,155
They give you migraines?

23
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:14,741
Okay, right, I need a full
update from all of you.

24
00:01:14,766 --> 00:01:18,442
As you heard just now,
we have Jerry Bernstein

25
00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:20,472
from the NSA arriving shortly.

26
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,747
Oh my God, Jerry Bernstein's
gonna be working with us?

27
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:25,362
And he is going to be our NSA liaison.

28
00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,203
If you must speak to the Americans

29
00:01:27,227 --> 00:01:28,241
you'll now go through him.

30
00:01:28,266 --> 00:01:29,085
Is that gonna be a problem?

31
00:01:29,110 --> 00:01:30,374
Absolutely not, I'm a huge, huge fan.

32
00:01:30,399 --> 00:01:32,749
He and I had a lot of email
back and forth on 9/11.

33
00:01:32,774 --> 00:01:33,795
He's a terrorist?

34
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:36,002
No, Whitehall created the position

35
00:01:36,027 --> 00:01:38,319
as part of our shared
intelligence initiative.

36
00:01:38,344 --> 00:01:40,902
Aside from providing a
link to American resources

37
00:01:40,927 --> 00:01:42,946
I'm told he has a wealth of experience.

38
00:01:42,971 --> 00:01:44,712
Should I book Pizza
Express in that case?

39
00:01:44,742 --> 00:01:46,186
I suspect he'll be too jet-lagged.

40
00:01:46,211 --> 00:01:47,170
I don't mind.

41
00:01:47,195 --> 00:01:48,717
Sorry, so will he be here long then?

42
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,061
Yes, providing he plays by the rules.

43
00:02:03,485 --> 00:02:05,319
All right mate, excuse me.

44
00:02:06,490 --> 00:02:08,837
Mary, where are we with
last week's cryptanalysis?

45
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,139
Can you stop doing that please?

46
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:13,169
Sorry the pages are a
bit ripped, it was my cat.

47
00:02:13,244 --> 00:02:16,242
I'm worried he might have
caught Huntington's disease.

48
00:02:16,267 --> 00:02:18,492
- You're born with Huntington's disease.
- No I wasn't.

49
00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:19,470
It does not matter.

50
00:02:19,495 --> 00:02:21,191
No, I've heard it's really serious.

51
00:02:21,387 --> 00:02:23,874
Tuva, did you manage to
hack the Scorpio server?

52
00:02:23,899 --> 00:02:26,224
All the names and IP addresses,

53
00:02:26,249 --> 00:02:28,671
plus recordings of their voicemails.

54
00:02:28,834 --> 00:02:30,599
That's really good, Tuva.

55
00:02:30,624 --> 00:02:32,203
Some of this is incredibly filthy.

56
00:02:32,227 --> 00:02:33,227
Thank you.

57
00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:34,912
Oh I love that kind of stuff.

58
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,002
I can't take it.

59
00:02:36,027 --> 00:02:37,813
- You know you're not meant to eat it...
- Latest systems update.

60
00:02:37,814 --> 00:02:38,872
Joseph, go.

61
00:02:38,947 --> 00:02:40,068
Now? Okay.

62
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,976
So all our main systems seem
to be running absolutely fine.

63
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:44,106
We've still got a fair bit of chatter

64
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,216
to analyze from yesterday morning,

65
00:02:45,241 --> 00:02:46,763
about 25% of that left to do.

66
00:02:46,788 --> 00:02:48,899
Also, I did end up stumbling across

67
00:02:48,924 --> 00:02:51,004
Matthew McConaughey's browsing history.

68
00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:55,189
Why is GSHQ's center for cyber security

69
00:02:55,214 --> 00:02:57,632
looking at Matthew
McConaughey's browsing history?

70
00:02:57,707 --> 00:02:59,363
I suspected just a glitch in the system,

71
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,838
but I just thought I'd
follow it up just in case.

72
00:03:00,863 --> 00:03:02,176
Do you not want to know
what he's been looking at?

73
00:03:02,201 --> 00:03:03,961
Is it in the interest
of national security?

74
00:03:03,986 --> 00:03:07,202
Not really no, it's lawn
mowers, mainly. Big ones.

75
00:03:07,227 --> 00:03:08,227
Ooh.

76
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,130
Also we just lost our primary drone

77
00:03:11,154 --> 00:03:12,419
over the Iranian border.

78
00:03:12,444 --> 00:03:13,210
Jesus Christ.

79
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,631
I know, and to add insult to injury

80
00:03:14,656 --> 00:03:16,617
the level three printer's
stopped working.

81
00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:17,913
Oh no.

82
00:03:20,186 --> 00:03:21,621
Ooh, database breach.

83
00:03:21,646 --> 00:03:22,646
Bank of England.

84
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,747
I've really gotta change that.

85
00:03:25,798 --> 00:03:27,402
How do you get yours to just beep?

86
00:03:27,427 --> 00:03:28,952
It's just set on beep.

87
00:03:29,027 --> 00:03:30,507
I think this must be Elaine.

88
00:03:30,508 --> 00:03:32,552
She walked down the aisle today.

89
00:03:32,627 --> 00:03:34,119
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

90
00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:37,962
Quick as you like.

91
00:03:37,987 --> 00:03:41,152
? Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ?

92
00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:45,192
? Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ?

93
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,519
? Aserejé ja deje tejebe tude jebere ?

94
00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:53,032
? Sebiunouba majabi an de
bugui an de buididipí ?

95
00:03:53,057 --> 00:03:55,309
? Aserejé ja ?

96
00:04:04,636 --> 00:04:07,342
Can you grab my luggage
or do I need to do that too?

97
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,937
Hello? Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

98
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,592
No I'll come down. Yes!

99
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:13,868
Jerry's here.

100
00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:15,673
Jerry's here.

101
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,109
Hey, Jerry.

102
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:20,906
Hi.

103
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:21,977
Joseph Harries.

104
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,382
So great to finally meet you.

105
00:04:23,407 --> 00:04:25,225
Hey.
Sorry, do we know each other?

106
00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:26,609
Oh yeah I'm the one who
used to send the NSA,

107
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,048
all the weekly cyber memos.

108
00:04:28,073 --> 00:04:29,642
No way, I thought that was spam.

109
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:31,423
No, it was me.

110
00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:33,043
Right, what was your name again?

111
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,089
Joseph Harries.

112
00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:35,558
Right, John, do you mind me asking,

113
00:04:35,583 --> 00:04:37,443
do you have dwarfism in your family?

114
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:39,272
I don't think, no.

115
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,202
- Okay, well you should check.
- Okay.

116
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:43,040
- Can you give me a hand?
- Yes, absolutely.

117
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:45,275
Right, here we go, we're
just up on the third floor.

118
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,116
Oh, oh no, don't use the wheels.

119
00:04:47,227 --> 00:04:49,362
It's quite an expensive
case. Can you carry it in?

120
00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:50,872
I won't be long.

121
00:04:50,947 --> 00:04:51,947
Yeah, okay.

122
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:56,941
Oh my God.

123
00:05:06,885 --> 00:05:07,912
Hello?

124
00:05:07,937 --> 00:05:08,937
Hi, mom!

125
00:05:10,739 --> 00:05:13,035
_

126
00:05:14,174 --> 00:05:15,174
Evelyn.

127
00:05:19,447 --> 00:05:20,812
Evelyn!

128
00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:24,077
Hello?

129
00:05:24,102 --> 00:05:25,092
Yeah did you want me?

130
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:26,609
Yes, can you come up please?

131
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:27,727
Oh my God.

132
00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:38,482
- What?
- Could you not hear me shouting?

133
00:05:38,507 --> 00:05:41,032
- I was on the phone.
- Yes, to me!

134
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,067
Get me a full background
check on Jerry Bernstein,

135
00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:44,079
I need to see his file.

136
00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:45,797
It's classified.

137
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:50,034
If only there were an
institution that cracked codes

138
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,336
to access classified information.

139
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:54,799
So where's that?

140
00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:00,997
Okay, shall we go through?

141
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:02,553
Oh hey Jerry, sorry,
they've just told us

142
00:06:02,578 --> 00:06:03,818
- to wait here for a sec.
- Why?

143
00:06:03,843 --> 00:06:05,506
It's just a security
thing, won't be long.

144
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,269
What, because you're...

145
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:09,267
Oh no, it's not that,
it's just they need to

146
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:10,303
check inside the case.

147
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:11,606
Because they think it's yours?

148
00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:14,297
No, no, standard procedure,
this happens all the time.

149
00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:16,359
Right, because you're...

150
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,532
Evelyn's here and that's where I sit,

151
00:06:21,557 --> 00:06:22,762
and I'm just over there.

152
00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:25,292
And Jerry, this is Chris Cranfield,

153
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:27,282
Director of cybersecurity at GCHQ.

154
00:06:27,307 --> 00:06:29,032
- Ah!
- No way.

155
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:30,352
I was expecting a guy.

156
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,383
Jerry Bernstein, NSA.

157
00:06:32,408 --> 00:06:34,257
Do you prefer Chris or Christopher?

158
00:06:34,282 --> 00:06:35,482
It's Christine actually.

159
00:06:35,507 --> 00:06:37,937
Right. These are for you and the team.

160
00:06:37,961 --> 00:06:38,831
Oh lovely.

161
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,250
So, what have we got going down?

162
00:06:41,274 --> 00:06:44,402
You wanna give me like a two
word summary of where we're at?

163
00:06:44,427 --> 00:06:45,331
No.

164
00:06:45,356 --> 00:06:47,642
Why don't you just settle
in, we can catch up later.

165
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,307
Joseph, will you show
Jerry to his office?

166
00:06:49,331 --> 00:06:51,105
Yeah sure. Hold the phone.

167
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,367
So what OS are we using here?

168
00:06:55,392 --> 00:06:57,444
Is this Lysander 4.4?

169
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:01,616
4.5.

170
00:07:02,054 --> 00:07:03,032
Nice.

171
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,599
This is Tuva Olson.

172
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,994
Used to be one of Europe's
most notorious hackers.

173
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,232
Still am.

174
00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,282
That was a joke.

175
00:07:10,726 --> 00:07:11,896
Man I love humor.

176
00:07:11,921 --> 00:07:14,512
- Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
- Bernstein?

177
00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:15,569
Is that Jewish?

178
00:07:15,594 --> 00:07:16,714
Wouldn't you like to know.

179
00:07:16,715 --> 00:07:17,497
Flirt.

180
00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:19,520
Mary, come over and say hello to Jerry.

181
00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:20,545
Quickly.

182
00:07:22,236 --> 00:07:24,036
God, what happened?

183
00:07:24,418 --> 00:07:25,231
Nothing.

184
00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:26,129
What do you mean?

185
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,269
This is Mary Needham,
one of GCHQ's finest.

186
00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:30,339
Finest what?

187
00:07:30,364 --> 00:07:31,549
Cryptanalysts.

188
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:33,334
Mary was one of the
first female professors

189
00:07:33,347 --> 00:07:35,163
to be nominated for a Nobel Prize.

190
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:37,169
Wow. Did you win?

191
00:07:37,194 --> 00:07:41,839
No, and I earned up getting
cystitis on the day, sadly.

192
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,388
I think it was all the stress.

193
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:46,449
Great story.

194
00:07:46,474 --> 00:07:48,283
Can we get the air-con turned on?

195
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:50,691
It feels about 74 degrees
and I find my team

196
00:07:50,716 --> 00:07:52,238
works best at 71.

197
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,310
- Yeah I can do that...
- No!

198
00:07:53,335 --> 00:07:54,161
Sit down please, Joseph.

199
00:07:54,186 --> 00:07:56,036
Yeah I need you to
take notes. Please stay.

200
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:58,255
All right everyone, listen up.

201
00:07:58,531 --> 00:08:02,082
I am now your best possible resource.

202
00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:05,603
I'm here for you, so
I want you to use me,

203
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:08,222
exploit me, punish me.

204
00:08:09,091 --> 00:08:10,963
I wanna feel as if I've been uploaded

205
00:08:10,987 --> 00:08:12,577
into each and every one of you.

206
00:08:12,601 --> 00:08:14,297
Even you guys.

207
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:15,323
What are you doing?

208
00:08:15,347 --> 00:08:16,592
I'm just welcoming everyone.

209
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,079
Can we get them to stop?

210
00:08:18,154 --> 00:08:19,716
No, we're in the middle of something,

211
00:08:19,741 --> 00:08:22,670
Bank of England, no American
liaison required, sadly.

212
00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,386
Okay, listen, I just wanna say,

213
00:08:25,411 --> 00:08:27,562
I'm really excited about this.

214
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:29,962
I think we can learn
a lot from each other.

215
00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,388
Especially from me.

216
00:08:32,966 --> 00:08:34,457
It'll be a pleasure collaborating

217
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:37,239
with one of our oldest
and closest allies.

218
00:08:37,376 --> 00:08:39,301
Welcome to the GCHQ.

219
00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:41,247
Thank you.

220
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,531
Back to work everyone.

221
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:53,741
_

222
00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:55,766
_

223
00:09:05,346 --> 00:09:06,766
Good morning.

224
00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:13,992
Hey, do you like the plants?

225
00:09:14,066 --> 00:09:16,042
You know they'll die in three days.

226
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,644
Oh no it's fine, I
sprayed them with glue

227
00:09:17,669 --> 00:09:19,320
so they're kind of mummified.

228
00:09:19,524 --> 00:09:22,236
By the way, where are HR based?

229
00:09:22,261 --> 00:09:24,079
I really need to get hold of my pass.

230
00:09:24,154 --> 00:09:26,554
Fourth floor, but most of
them are on school holidays.

231
00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:28,032
They're still at school?

232
00:09:31,609 --> 00:09:32,609
Two secs.

233
00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:33,738
Hey Jerry, you all right?

234
00:09:33,763 --> 00:09:35,426
Yeah, do you know what this stain is?

235
00:09:35,427 --> 00:09:36,511
I can't hear you through the glass.

236
00:09:36,536 --> 00:09:37,625
Do you know what this stain is?

237
00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:39,586
I can't hear you 'cause of the glass.

238
00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:43,312
Yeah.

239
00:09:43,387 --> 00:09:44,952
Sorry, sorry Jerry.

240
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:46,245
I couldn't hear 'cause of the glass.

241
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,656
That's fine. What is this stain?

242
00:09:47,861 --> 00:09:49,986
Um, oh gosh, well this used
to be Elaine's old office.

243
00:09:49,987 --> 00:09:50,995
It could be anything really.

244
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:51,988
What, she die in here?

245
00:09:52,013 --> 00:09:54,738
No, she's on maternity
leave, so could just be that.

246
00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:56,121
Oh God.

247
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:57,370
You know what, let's just...

248
00:09:57,394 --> 00:09:58,639
Yeah let's do that.

249
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:01,232
Hey, can you hook me up with my pass?

250
00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:02,672
I really need the men's room.

251
00:10:02,747 --> 00:10:04,723
Well that's HR but it
takes up to about a week

252
00:10:04,747 --> 00:10:06,012
for them to respond, so.

253
00:10:06,087 --> 00:10:07,224
No, I gotta go before then.

254
00:10:07,248 --> 00:10:08,488
Oh it's fine, I can buzz you through.

255
00:10:08,513 --> 00:10:10,053
- Now?
- Yeah, go go.

256
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,282
Nice opportunity to show you around.

257
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:15,187
Are you staying somewhere
locally in Cheltenham?

258
00:10:15,188 --> 00:10:16,592
Yeah the Citrus Hotel.

259
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,723
Oh lovely, I went to a
couple of wakes there.

260
00:10:18,747 --> 00:10:20,408
The food is stunning.

261
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:23,537
Very quickly, so this is one
of our designated quiet rooms,

262
00:10:23,561 --> 00:10:25,441
just because some of the
stuff we see on the web

263
00:10:25,442 --> 00:10:26,512
can be quite full on.

264
00:10:26,587 --> 00:10:27,712
And can I pee in here?

265
00:10:27,787 --> 00:10:29,632
Um, no, not really, no.

266
00:10:30,003 --> 00:10:31,335
I sometimes do.

267
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,659
You forget how big
this place is don't you?

268
00:10:38,684 --> 00:10:41,062
Sorry, they must have
changed the door code.

269
00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:41,855
This way.

270
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:42,511
What's this thing?

271
00:10:42,536 --> 00:10:44,199
Okay not far Jerry, here we go.

272
00:10:44,588 --> 00:10:45,588
So...

273
00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:49,002
Do it again, swipe again.

274
00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:50,072
Swipe it again!

275
00:10:50,097 --> 00:10:51,562
Okay okay okay.

276
00:10:52,507 --> 00:10:53,952
Oh crikey, it's fine, it's fine.

277
00:10:54,027 --> 00:10:56,987
Let me just type this in onto here.

278
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,442
Jerry, can you just, sorry,

279
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,210
can you just read me from the fourth...

280
00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:01,438
From the what?

281
00:11:01,463 --> 00:11:03,308
- From the fourth?
- The four.

282
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:05,072
There's no four. You mean the one?

283
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,672
The four, oh the one.

284
00:11:06,697 --> 00:11:09,322
The one is one, nine, two, seven.

285
00:11:09,347 --> 00:11:11,062
Okay, that should be it.

286
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:12,145
There you go.

287
00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:16,011
I'm so sorry. Come on.

288
00:11:16,036 --> 00:11:18,082
We have a something just in case,

289
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:19,237
it doesn't always work.

290
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:20,903
Why didn't you do that to begin with?

291
00:11:20,927 --> 00:11:22,026
Because I've been eating crisps

292
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:22,979
and it doesn't always work.

293
00:11:23,004 --> 00:11:24,985
Back up, back up.

294
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:26,417
Give me your thumb.

295
00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:30,003
What's wrong, you have very small...

296
00:11:30,027 --> 00:11:31,599
Ow. Okay there you go.

297
00:11:31,674 --> 00:11:32,832
- Okay.
- Okay fine.

298
00:11:32,907 --> 00:11:34,352
Oh for crying out loud.

299
00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:36,623
Let me just do the, I'll do
the retina thing, it's fine.

300
00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:38,403
Come on man, you're killing me.

301
00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:39,952
Why is that doing like that?

302
00:11:40,077 --> 00:11:41,382
Hang on, hang on.

303
00:11:41,407 --> 00:11:43,097
So I've got a lazy eye
so sometimes if I...

304
00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:44,704
Can you lift...

305
00:11:45,463 --> 00:11:46,463
Thank you.

306
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,666
Go, go!

307
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,439
This way, go go go go.

308
00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:14,076
Yeah, USA.

309
00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:21,003
'Cause his eyes are quite close together

310
00:12:21,027 --> 00:12:22,723
and I know he has a
cousin who was involved

311
00:12:22,747 --> 00:12:23,972
with some kind of atrocity.

312
00:12:23,997 --> 00:12:25,029
What's...?

313
00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,654
Oh sorry Chris, I am gonna delete that.

314
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:29,161
I don't care. I just want hard copies
of the Bank of England report.

315
00:12:29,186 --> 00:12:30,591
Yeah it's just the
printer's still not working,

316
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,536
- so I can't...
- Jerry's file.

317
00:12:32,707 --> 00:12:33,712
Shh.

318
00:12:34,028 --> 00:12:35,169
What's this?

319
00:12:35,194 --> 00:12:37,481
Well I couldn't get access
to view his internal file

320
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,794
so I just like made a front cover.

321
00:12:41,248 --> 00:12:42,248
Here I am.

322
00:12:43,106 --> 00:12:44,106
Found my way back.

323
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:44,935
Hey Jerry.

324
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,989
Hey, Chris, I worked out
what the problem is here.

325
00:12:48,014 --> 00:12:50,059
The problem is morale.

326
00:12:50,197 --> 00:12:51,682
Right, thank you.

327
00:12:51,707 --> 00:12:54,672
So firstly, you really need
to put some music on.

328
00:12:54,747 --> 00:12:57,672
'Cause everyone in here
currently looks so...

329
00:12:58,252 --> 00:12:59,682
Do you have Alexa here?

330
00:12:59,707 --> 00:13:02,732
Alexa, play NSA nasty mix two.

331
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:04,402
Alexa?

332
00:13:04,427 --> 00:13:05,900
Alexa?

333
00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,662
Secondly, we need to
fundraise and build us a gym.

334
00:13:09,687 --> 00:13:11,955
- Yes!
- Get the endorphins pumping.

335
00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:14,369
Thirdly, is there any way we can make it

336
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,845
so I can see the sun?

337
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,228
Okay, let me stop you just there.

338
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:21,955
Firstly, I am not your PA,

339
00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:25,860
I am GCHQ's director of cybersecurity.

340
00:13:26,299 --> 00:13:29,402
Grand papa built the bouncing bomb.

341
00:13:29,627 --> 00:13:32,282
Mother posed as a triple
agent during the Cold War,

342
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:35,112
while father came up with
an idea called the Internet.

343
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:36,672
So forgive me if I'm not into

344
00:13:36,747 --> 00:13:39,712
office plants and natural light.

345
00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:42,672
Secondly, this isn't the NSA.

346
00:13:42,747 --> 00:13:46,072
You are here strictly to liaise.

347
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:48,217
We don't workout, we
don't listen to playlists,

348
00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:51,752
we fight cyber crime,
terrorism and sex trafficking.

349
00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:56,472
Thirdly, this is my department,
these are my staff,

350
00:13:56,547 --> 00:13:59,192
and whilst it's a pleasure
collaborating with

351
00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:01,472
one of our oldest and closest allies,

352
00:14:01,497 --> 00:14:03,871
I will not have my authority undermined

353
00:14:03,896 --> 00:14:07,002
simply because some
privileged fool from Whitehall

354
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:11,098
thinks that the US can fight
cyber crime better than we can.

355
00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:14,505
Do you mind if I get on?

356
00:14:16,344 --> 00:14:18,862
Sorry, it looks like
you've stopped talking.

357
00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:21,310
My ears are still
fucked from the flight,

358
00:14:21,347 --> 00:14:22,387
was that important?

359
00:14:31,645 --> 00:14:33,245
Are you really gonna take that from her?

360
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,105
Huh? Huh?

361
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,293
You little bitch.

362
00:14:36,474 --> 00:14:37,474
Evelyn.

363
00:14:42,379 --> 00:14:45,137
I'm delivering our findings
on the Bank of England.

364
00:14:45,161 --> 00:14:48,032
Have the car meet me out front.

365
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:50,517
Okay don't forget you've got
a Bank of England meeting.

366
00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:52,340
Do you want me to arrange a car?

367
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,570
Come on buddy, you got this.

368
00:14:57,032 --> 00:14:58,066
Yeah?

369
00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:00,741
Jerry, I'm so sorry about
what Chris said earlier,

370
00:15:00,742 --> 00:15:02,587
you must be feeling awful.

371
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:05,432
Do you know how long
I've been at the NSA?

372
00:15:05,788 --> 00:15:07,449
I'd say 50 years?

373
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:10,312
25 years. Sit down.

374
00:15:10,337 --> 00:15:11,387
Oh, sure.

375
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:16,769
Do you know the level
of experience you get

376
00:15:16,794 --> 00:15:19,692
- from working at the NSA 25 years?
- Nope.

377
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,712
I basically know everything.

378
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:22,637
Okay?

379
00:15:22,662 --> 00:15:25,807
I've overseen terrorist
plots, cyber attacks,

380
00:15:25,832 --> 00:15:28,027
- assassination attempts.
- Against you?

381
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,363
Just remain quiet a sec.

382
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:29,996
Yeah.

383
00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:33,988
I predicted 9/11, Afghanistan, 7/7.

384
00:15:34,013 --> 00:15:35,456
And when you say predicted.

385
00:15:35,481 --> 00:15:37,826
You mean could I have stopped
those things from happening?

386
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,152
- Yeah.
- I think so.

387
00:15:39,277 --> 00:15:41,322
- Wow.
- But was anyone willing to listen?

388
00:15:41,347 --> 00:15:42,080
No.

389
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:44,087
It's always the same old bullshit.

390
00:15:44,088 --> 00:15:46,362
Slow down Jerry, analyze.

391
00:15:46,387 --> 00:15:47,534
There's no evidence.

392
00:15:47,559 --> 00:15:48,535
Yes.

393
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,176
Whatever happened to good
old fashioned American hunch?

394
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,056
See this is exactly what
we're missing here.

395
00:15:53,081 --> 00:15:54,785
So did you have a hunch about 9/11?

396
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:58,042
Yeah, just this huge fucking hunch.

397
00:15:58,307 --> 00:16:01,577
And then another big
hunch moments later.

398
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,933
Oh, so you've seen a lot of action then.

399
00:16:05,187 --> 00:16:06,210
Have I seen action?

400
00:16:06,234 --> 00:16:07,403
You know what, look at this.

401
00:16:07,427 --> 00:16:08,632
Oh you're gonna love this.

402
00:16:08,707 --> 00:16:09,723
Come here, come here.

403
00:16:09,747 --> 00:16:11,439
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

404
00:16:11,514 --> 00:16:12,959
- Look at that.
- Oh my God.

405
00:16:13,084 --> 00:16:14,122
Touch it.

406
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,129
- Oh no I don't...
- Touch it!

407
00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:16,479
Touch it.

408
00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:20,272
44 caliber, went clean through.

409
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,559
Wow.

410
00:16:21,584 --> 00:16:24,319
It looks exactly like the
lipoma scar that I got

411
00:16:24,377 --> 00:16:25,937
from when I had a little thing removed.

412
00:16:25,938 --> 00:16:27,538
Like the same shape and everything that.

413
00:16:27,539 --> 00:16:28,953
Well it's not.

414
00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:30,699
That's the same shape
actually 'cause they do it...

415
00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,272
No it's no, it's not.

416
00:16:32,347 --> 00:16:33,877
It's a bullet thing.

417
00:16:34,073 --> 00:16:35,893
- Is there an exit wound?
- No.

418
00:16:35,918 --> 00:16:36,895
- Can I...
- No.

419
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,441
That part healed fine.

420
00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:39,652
You can't even tell.

421
00:16:39,677 --> 00:16:40,895
So what are you doing here then?

422
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,332
- Is it like a sabbatical position?
- Yeah kind of.

423
00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,522
Man, you guys.

424
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:48,495
You have no idea how
lucky you are to have me.

425
00:16:48,547 --> 00:16:49,712
Oh, tell me about it.

426
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,441
I mean literally this is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

427
00:16:51,466 --> 00:16:54,551
I mean I could've ended up
in Paris, Milan, New York,

428
00:16:54,576 --> 00:16:56,262
- but I chose London.
- Cheltenham.

429
00:16:56,287 --> 00:16:57,449
Cheltenham.

430
00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,409
But there's no point in me being here

431
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:00,952
unless I can make a difference.

432
00:17:00,977 --> 00:17:02,059
I agree with that.

433
00:17:02,084 --> 00:17:04,682
I mean sure, I could liaise
the ass out of this place

434
00:17:04,707 --> 00:17:07,377
if I want to, but I wanna raise morale.

435
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:11,242
I wanna raise morale so high
people can barely move.

436
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:12,347
You know what I mean?

437
00:17:13,347 --> 00:17:14,659
I think, yes.

438
00:17:14,684 --> 00:17:16,567
I want people having
to go home from work

439
00:17:16,641 --> 00:17:18,112
because morale is so high.

440
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,016
Well everyone's gonna love that.

441
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:20,895
But I'm gonna need your help, buddy.

442
00:17:22,066 --> 00:17:24,323
Honestly, whatever you
need Jerry, just name it.

443
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,072
Treat me like your PA.

444
00:17:26,428 --> 00:17:27,628
I thought you were my PA.

445
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:31,827
All right now gather up guys.

446
00:17:31,828 --> 00:17:32,903
Come on come on come on.

447
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,039
Circle up, circle up.

448
00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,392
You know what, you too.

449
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,363
You're part of the team, drop that shit.

450
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,971
In fact everyone, everyone, stand,

451
00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:42,127
come gather round, this is important.

452
00:17:42,152 --> 00:17:43,017
That's it.

453
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:44,369
Hustle, hustle.

454
00:17:44,394 --> 00:17:45,730
- Back up.
- Sorry.

455
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:48,039
Good. Oh, look at that, we did a circle.

456
00:17:48,064 --> 00:17:49,676
Terrific. Okay.

457
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:51,877
One of the first things that struck me

458
00:17:51,952 --> 00:17:56,385
when I arrived here was just
how uninspired everyone looks.

459
00:17:56,410 --> 00:18:00,355
Don't get me wrong,
individually you all look...

460
00:18:00,536 --> 00:18:02,113
amazing.

461
00:18:03,043 --> 00:18:05,297
But there's still this sense
that I've wandered

462
00:18:05,321 --> 00:18:07,566
onto an abandoned farm.

463
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,732
Does that resonate?

464
00:18:11,514 --> 00:18:15,232
So what I'd like to propose
as a starting point

465
00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:16,943
are some team building exercises.

466
00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:17,999
- I'd love to.
- Yeah.

467
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,577
Yeah? Yeah?

468
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,272
- Yes.
- Can I get a yes Jerry?

469
00:18:21,297 --> 00:18:22,996
Yes Jerry.

470
00:18:24,777 --> 00:18:26,282
All right, we'll work on that.

471
00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:27,337
Hands out of the pockets.

472
00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:29,112
Let's get ready. Ready?

473
00:18:29,137 --> 00:18:29,751
Yes.

474
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,371
Jerry says raise your right arm.

475
00:18:33,106 --> 00:18:34,106
Put it down.

476
00:18:34,107 --> 00:18:35,312
You're all out.

477
00:18:35,337 --> 00:18:37,033
You're all out.

478
00:18:37,058 --> 00:18:39,178
Okay, everyone take
one step to their right.

479
00:18:40,347 --> 00:18:41,298
Good.

480
00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:43,363
Jerry says take one step to your left.

481
00:18:44,394 --> 00:18:46,626
- Yeah I fucked you there didn't I?
- Yes.

482
00:18:46,651 --> 00:18:47,790
Yeah it's called listening.

483
00:18:47,815 --> 00:18:49,895
When I clap my hands
everyone fall, fall!

484
00:18:51,927 --> 00:18:52,927
That's a start.

485
00:18:52,952 --> 00:18:54,642
Okay everyone up, everyone up.

486
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,667
Anyone hurt?

487
00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:57,546
That's okay.

488
00:18:57,547 --> 00:18:58,711
It's about trust.

489
00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:01,362
At the count of three I
want everyone to undress.

490
00:19:01,387 --> 00:19:02,432
Undress!

491
00:19:02,507 --> 00:19:03,672
I'm kidding, stop that.

492
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:05,312
Have more respect for yourself.

493
00:19:12,627 --> 00:19:14,402
So continue what you're doing,

494
00:19:14,427 --> 00:19:17,072
exploring each other's faces and bodies,

495
00:19:17,147 --> 00:19:19,712
and what I wanna do
now is just go around

496
00:19:19,787 --> 00:19:21,832
and talk about when you last had sex.

497
00:19:22,515 --> 00:19:24,137
It's just a nice way to
get to know each other

498
00:19:24,161 --> 00:19:25,472
and to open up.

499
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,403
Plus, it's what we do
at the NSA every day.

500
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,185
- Have sex?
- Sometimes.

501
00:19:29,311 --> 00:19:30,762
What about you buddy?

502
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,667
Oh gosh, well it depends
what you mean really.

503
00:19:32,681 --> 00:19:34,112
You've never heard of sex?

504
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:35,417
Oh no I've heard of sex, sure,

505
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,032
I just, you know.

506
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:38,762
Sorry, where are you?

507
00:19:38,787 --> 00:19:40,227
Mary, do you want to start?

508
00:19:40,228 --> 00:19:41,353
Oh gosh, ooh.

509
00:19:41,719 --> 00:19:43,164
It's been a while, sorry.

510
00:19:43,228 --> 00:19:45,377
No I could tell, I can
smell your pheromones.

511
00:19:45,492 --> 00:19:46,492
Thank you.

512
00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:48,162
I bet you're filthy though.

513
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,111
No.

514
00:19:49,136 --> 00:19:51,083
I love how you deny it, that's hot.

515
00:19:51,296 --> 00:19:52,348
Tuva.

516
00:19:52,373 --> 00:19:54,125
10:15 this morning.

517
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,332
Weren't you in at eight?

518
00:19:55,357 --> 00:19:57,442
- Yeah.
- What the hell's going on?

519
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,112
Chris, great, jump in.

520
00:19:59,187 --> 00:20:00,803
We're just doing some
team building here.

521
00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:02,643
No, get back to work everybody.

522
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:03,838
This is ridiculous.

523
00:20:03,863 --> 00:20:06,562
No honestly, Chrissy,
I wouldn't be doing this

524
00:20:06,587 --> 00:20:08,950
unless I thought it was
absolutely essential.

525
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,857
Plus, look how much
fun everyone's having.

526
00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:12,367
We're not here to have fun.

527
00:20:12,392 --> 00:20:13,632
This is GCHQ.

528
00:20:13,707 --> 00:20:15,772
Do you think Alan Turing had fun?

529
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,489
Okay, back to work everybody.

530
00:20:17,514 --> 00:20:19,152
No, not yet.

531
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:22,104
Listen, I get it, you didn't
choose to have some

532
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,552
dashing American fuck fox in
your prissy British hen house.

533
00:20:25,627 --> 00:20:29,632
I didn't want that either, but
I'm sure we can make it work.

534
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:33,017
Come on, at least have a jellybean.

535
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:34,875
Absolutely not.

536
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,122
Aren't we meant to be collaborating?

537
00:20:37,381 --> 00:20:39,869
- Huh team?
- Yes Jerry!

538
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,978
Do you really want your
staff to see you like this?

539
00:20:43,684 --> 00:20:47,041
Jelly bean, jelly bean, jelly bean,

540
00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:50,032
jelly bean, jelly bean, jelly bean,

541
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:53,079
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,

542
00:20:53,154 --> 00:20:55,632
jelly bean, jelly bean,
jelly bean, jelly bean,

543
00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:57,559
- jelly bean...
- All right!

544
00:21:22,971 --> 00:21:23,971
Yes!

545
00:21:25,645 --> 00:21:27,159
And Jerry says fall.

546
00:21:30,234 --> 00:21:32,323
Jerry's got the printer working again!

547
00:21:36,011 --> 00:21:38,319
See, this is why they sent me here.

548
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:51,827
- Good night.
- Night.

549
00:21:58,147 --> 00:21:59,712
? Hurray hurray hurray ?

550
00:21:59,787 --> 00:22:01,712
? Misery's on the way ?

551
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:05,552
? There are bad times
just around the corner ?

552
00:22:05,627 --> 00:22:09,432
? There are dark clouds
hurtling through the sky ?

553
00:22:09,507 --> 00:22:11,592
? It's as clear as crystal ?

554
00:22:11,666 --> 00:22:13,696
? From Bridlington to Bristol ?

555
00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:17,312
? That we can't save democracy
and we don't much care ?

556
00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:21,272
? We better all learn the
lyrics of the old Red Flag ?

557
00:22:21,347 --> 00:22:25,079
? But wait till we drop down dead ?

558
00:22:25,459 --> 00:22:30,212
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com