1
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,601
Where am I? What's happening?

2
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,345
Hello?

3
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,680
Someone help me!

4
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:24,106
Whoever you are, you
don't scare me, okay?

5
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:27,485
I'm a real handful. Just wait and see.

6
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:30,156
Eight of my last nine captors
killed themselves.

7
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,656
The ninth one died of gout.

8
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,496
God dammit, do you know who I am?

9
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:43,132
Oh, I know exactly who you are,

10
00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:45,086
Princess Blossom.

11
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:51,175
The question you should be asking
is who am I?

12
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:55,555
Welcome to the womb of the maze
to which I am banished for eternity.

13
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:59,056
The labyrinth of death
where I feast upon the souls

14
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,644
who dare to venture its depths!

15
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,855
Much as I'd love to gobble you up
in this very moment,

16
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:07,397
I've given my word to wait.

17
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,945
But only for one day's time. And then...

18
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:14,365
you will be mine!

19
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,663
And... scene.

20
00:01:27,423 --> 00:01:31,259
CREDITS

21
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,928
And when our carriage
arrived at the academy,

22
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,599
they told us Princess Blossom
wasn't there.

23
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,350
She must have just disappeared
on the road between here and school.

24
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,352
Why weren't you riding with her?

25
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,481
She won't let us. Fern gets carsick.

26
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,692
Out of both ends.

27
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,612
My sweet petal! We must find her.

28
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,864
This is awful, Broth.

29
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:59,995
If someone's kidnapping beautiful maidens,
my girlfriend Sloane could be next.

30
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,333
Uh, I think you're fine.

31
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:08,254
Your majesties.
A letter from Blossom's captor.

32
00:02:08,255 --> 00:02:10,591
"You have 24 hours to abdicate
the throne

33
00:02:10,592 --> 00:02:12,129
or your daughter will be eaten."

34
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,174
Oh God!

35
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:16,675
I'm not playing any damn games.
I'm sending in special ops.

36
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:20,138
- We don't know where to send them.
- The return address says...

37
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,140
"Minotaur's Labyrinth"?

38
00:02:23,231 --> 00:02:25,227
Send in the whole goddamn army.

39
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:28,019
The army was nearly
wiped out by the plague.

40
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:31,362
And if we lost the remainder,
the kingdom would be defenseless.

41
00:02:31,363 --> 00:02:35,110
Time's running out. Merriman,
we've got to do something, anything!

42
00:02:35,135 --> 00:02:38,305
All right, the plan man's
got a new plan.

43
00:02:39,473 --> 00:02:40,941
_

44
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:44,036
Huh. Whoever saves the princess
from the labyrinth

45
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,539
gets one million dollars?

46
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,211
Whoo-hoo! I can finally go to college.

47
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,339
Time is the cruelest master,

48
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,590
unforgiving in its constant...

49
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,594
Aaah! Fuck, fuck!
I burned my fucking hoof.

50
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,005
Shit. This isn't my usual torch.

51
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,393
- I'm not...
- Amateur.

52
00:03:02,394 --> 00:03:07,101
A real performer would never blame props
for their shitty performance.

53
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,192
You don't know the pressure
of delivering an epic monologue.

54
00:03:10,193 --> 00:03:12,480
Oh, you think I don't know your world?

55
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:16,320
I'm Princess fucking Blossom.

56
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,406
I've been kidnapped by the best

57
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:21,447
and witnessed villainous diatribes
from them all.

58
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,577
The derivative.

59
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,698
The brilliant.

60
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,294
The guy who died of
gout halfway through.

61
00:03:26,295 --> 00:03:28,499
He left it all on the stage.

62
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,294
You think I can't recognize talent?

63
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:35,214
I could take your sorry ass
from Minotaur to Minostar,

64
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,135
but you're not worth it!

65
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,814
Please. Teach me!

66
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,807
Get me a new pee bucket
and I'll consider it.

67
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,685
Oh, Patrick.

68
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:53,568
I can't believe you're risking your neck
to save that little psychopath.

69
00:03:53,569 --> 00:03:55,276
It's my job, Sloane.

70
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,857
You're so brave.

71
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,282
It would be rude to disagree.

72
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,998
Broth, the princess is so fuckin' dead.

73
00:04:06,999 --> 00:04:10,416
I'm the worst squire alive.
I've cocked up every single assignment.

74
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,917
Patrick, when in doubt,
just remember the Viking motto:

75
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,589
"Fake it until you make it."

76
00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:16,668
Is that really the Viking motto?

77
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:18,933
I have in fact forgot the Viking motto,

78
00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:22,386
however I am faking it
until I am making it.

79
00:04:27,091 --> 00:04:28,883
_

80
00:04:30,899 --> 00:04:32,806
Blarney? What are you doing here?

81
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:36,784
Can I interest anyone
in a minotaur balloon animal?

82
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,453
Weird group.

83
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,504
There's that psychopath
who sells yeti pelts.

84
00:04:49,505 --> 00:04:53,838
Mama's sleepin' under
a silky smooth minotaur blanket tonight.

85
00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:55,666
Yeah-eah!

86
00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:56,961
Slapjack Flip!

87
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,429
He rides alone.

88
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:10,100
Ho-ho-ho! Mr. Slapjack.
Do you want to be partners with me?

89
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:11,435
I ride alone.

90
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,476
He rides alone, Trina. Jesus!

91
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:16,983
Gather round.

92
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,903
The Million Dollar Minotaur Challenge
is about to commence.

93
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,823
On my mark,
the contestants will enter the...

94
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,544
Trina Franklins!

95
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:32,328
Oh, what the hell!

96
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,958
Hold up now. Listen up, squires.

97
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,679
I don't think you're ready
for the labyrinth

98
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,209
and you will 1,000 percent die in there,

99
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,922
but if you should rescue the princess,

100
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,843
you'll earn
this Damsel-in-Distress merit badge.

101
00:05:41,844 --> 00:05:44,051
- Oh, wow!
- I want it so much!

102
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,052
It's mine.

103
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,389
This was a bad idea. We're out.

104
00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,439
Last chance to back out.

105
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,267
Blossom needs us.
Maybe if we all stick together...

106
00:05:56,273 --> 00:06:00,073
As much fun as that sounds, there's
no way I'm splitting that million.

107
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:02,702
Let's go get that ménage à trois!

108
00:06:02,703 --> 00:06:04,106
Minotaur. Idiot.

109
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:10,244
Minotaur made out of balloons?

110
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,536
Fucking asshole!

111
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,460
This is fun.
It reminds me of a school field trip.

112
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:20,381
Yeah, my school field trips
always sucked pretty hard.

113
00:06:20,382 --> 00:06:22,760
Most of the kids
were on an agriculture track.

114
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:26,759
And lastly,
don't ever lead a cow upstairs.

115
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,472
They can't get back down.
You might think it's a fun prank,

116
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,023
and then there's a dead cow
in your third-floor walk-up.

117
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:35,898
Blehh!

118
00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:43,359
Still think this is a fun field trip?

119
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,662
Tell that to ol' No-Face over there.

120
00:06:45,663 --> 00:06:47,316
Kitty!

121
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:52,870
Okay, kitty, whose voice I can hear
in my head, I'll come with you.

122
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:56,040
Broth, the cat's an illusion.
The labyrinth wants to lure you away.

123
00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:58,963
He says his name is Branmilk.

124
00:06:58,964 --> 00:07:02,671
- Broth!
- Branmilk! Wait up for Daddy!

125
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,300
Uhh... He's gone.

126
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:11,429
Honestly, fuck this maze.

127
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:19,401
So are we ever gonna talk about
how we got past the smashy things?

128
00:07:19,402 --> 00:07:21,858
No, we are not.

129
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,986
Uh... say you win this contest, Patrick.

130
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,667
What would you spend
the million bucks on?

131
00:07:26,691 --> 00:07:30,910
Oh. You-you know the king
doesn't have a million dollars, right?

132
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:32,739
Sorry, what?

133
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,288
Yeah. The kingdom is super broke.

134
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:39,709
So you walked into this hellhole
out of a sense of duty?

135
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,800
Of course. The princess needs us.

136
00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:43,875
Damn. I'm impressed.

137
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:46,591
We could use more squires
like you, Patrick.

138
00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,676
Wow. Thanks.

139
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,257
Wait, aren't you here
out of a sense of duty too?

140
00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:54,642
I have five kids, so no,
I was absolutely doing it for the money.

141
00:07:54,643 --> 00:07:56,311
Good luck saving Princess Twatsnatch.

142
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,728
Ah, shit!

143
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,189
Sergeant Meghan! No!

144
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:06,068
Sands pass, marking the hours of the...

145
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,905
I mean, the dwindling hours of the...

146
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:12,656
"Marking the dwindling hours
of your youth."

147
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,159
God dammit! Get off-book
or get off the stage, all right?

148
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,373
Oh, God, you make me sick.

149
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,077
I'm trying.

150
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:26,417
I thought I was training an actor,
not a trier!

151
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,263
Again!

152
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,930
- Who dares...?
- En garde!

153
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:36,140
Oh. It's just a squire.

154
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,439
And you're one
of those forest dwelling antiheroes.

155
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,806
Going to give the reward money
to the poor?

156
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:45,279
Ha. Psych. That was a fake laugh.
I'd rather set the money on fire.

157
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,735
But I suppose you're here
out of the goodness of your heart.

158
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,566
Ha. If I win, I'm going to...

159
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,660
commission a marble statue
of myself doing pushups

160
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:56,368
to promote my lifestyle brand, which
I'll then leverage into my own talk show

161
00:08:56,370 --> 00:09:00,580
dedicated to poorly researched
health and beauty tips.

162
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,418
The name's Ruben.

163
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,719
Holden.

164
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,878
Well, see you around.

165
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:14,723
Guess I'm going your way instead.
Try to keep up, old man.

166
00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:19,771
Old? I dare you to find
one gray pube on this body.

167
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,569
Is that painting flirting with me?

168
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,700
Hmm. Nope. I don't get art.

169
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,660
Welcome to the hall

170
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,329
of emotional destruction, Patrick.

171
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:44,917
We'll destroy you
until you destroy yourself!

172
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:48,258
You're a failure, Patrick.

173
00:09:48,259 --> 00:09:51,085
Look at the sadness
and destruction you've caused.

174
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,136
I heard you blackmailed your king.

175
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,218
Technically, yes.

176
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,892
You crushed our father's dreams.

177
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:04,562
All he ever wanted was to see
a Kraken, and I blew it up.

178
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,483
You discovered
a democracy in the clouds,

179
00:10:07,484 --> 00:10:09,482
and it ended in genocide.

180
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:13,196
It's true! We killed them all.

181
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,866
You murdered the one true love
of the girl you're trying to save.

182
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:20,367
Oh my god. How long do these
career highlights go on?

183
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,207
Oh, no!

184
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:32,173
Damn, I'm impressed.

185
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:35,259
We could use more squires
like you, Patrick.

186
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:39,930
You're wrong, Sergeant Meghan.
You're wrong and...

187
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,732
You're never wrong.

188
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,479
That blackmail?

189
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,730
That was to save you,
you fuckin' ingrate. Hyah!

190
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,110
I didn't ruin Dad's big dream.

191
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:56,739
His big dream was about to eat his ass.

192
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,820
Hyah!

193
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,326
And I didn't slaughter those Wispies.

194
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,787
Hyah! I was chasing our runaway King.

195
00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:06,789
Hyah! And I didn't kill Keefer.

196
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,918
I saved Blossom.

197
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:12,169
Keefer just happened to perform
in a fuckin' death trap

198
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,589
on a nightly basis.

199
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,466
Maybe I'm not perfect,

200
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:20,717
but I'd rather be an imperfect squire
than a successful pirate.

201
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,807
Or bandit. Or grifter.

202
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:25,226
So you can all fuck off!

203
00:11:25,227 --> 00:11:26,727
Noooo!

204
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:30,818
He's immune to our
psychological warfare!

205
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:34,404
Whew. That was cathartic.

206
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,068
? Who's the greatest pirate
on the big blue sea? ?

207
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:41,492
? Coral, Coral ?

208
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:44,328
? Who's the greatest captain
In the whole navy... ?

209
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:45,329
Oh shit.

210
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,707
Admiral Javier Killgore.

211
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,998
Coral the Pirate Queen.

212
00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:51,502
How's your warship doing?

213
00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:53,254
Well, Mrs. Rhetorical.

214
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,755
It fucking sank after you shot it.

215
00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,886
Ooh! I'm lost.

216
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,144
I did not have a good plan.

217
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,515
Sorry, kid. I ride alone.

218
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,607
But why? Whoops!

219
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,778
Ohh, that's why he rode alone.

220
00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:22,330
Over to the peach tree. Hup, hup.

221
00:12:22,331 --> 00:12:24,366
Whoo! Good thing I stretched.

222
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,159
Ooh. Peach?

223
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,206
Magical maze fruit?

224
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,497
You sure you should eat that?

225
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,799
What, are you scared?

226
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:34,298
Yecch!

227
00:12:34,299 --> 00:12:39,506
Uggh! Oh, my God.
What the fuck is in that?

228
00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:43,888
Ooop. That is not peach juice.
It's semen.

229
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,229
The peaches are filled with semen.
All of them.

230
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:48,015
Semen-filled peaches.

231
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,018
Goddamn, this maze is a freakshow.

232
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,980
You've, um, got some jizz on your shirt.

233
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:58,239
Hey now? We having an ab-off?

234
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,986
Where'd you get that gorgeous scar?

235
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,699
A real asshole named Patrick.

236
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,035
I hate a guy named Patrick too.

237
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,259
Ladies first.

238
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,844
Aha!

239
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:25,175
The joke's on you.

240
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,430
I've got your wallet!

241
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,482
Damn it. I have your wallet.

242
00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,437
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, yeah, yeah, fuck!

243
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:39,277
Use the peach! Use it! Use the peach!

244
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:41,404
Oh, fuck! Hah! Hah! Hah!

245
00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:44,365
Oh, fuck, that feels good!

246
00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:50,997
Well, there's no way
that bridge isn't evil.

247
00:13:57,713 --> 00:14:01,799
Only those who are
true of heart may pass.

248
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,850
Really? That's it?
Not even a cover charge?

249
00:14:04,851 --> 00:14:07,635
Okay, one true heart, coming through.

250
00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,441
Waah!

251
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,280
Whaaa!

252
00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:29,203
My heart is true, you
dumb fuckin' bridge!

253
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,545
Right?

254
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:39,127
As I said, only those
who are true of heart may pass.

255
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,629
What are you talking about?

256
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:46,302
I've been shitting my pants all day
in a haunted murder maze

257
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,313
and there isn't even any reward.

258
00:14:48,314 --> 00:14:49,845
No reward?

259
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,725
Isn't a knighthood what you covet most?

260
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,096
Saving the princess would sure help.

261
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,437
Oh, my God.

262
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,438
I only want to be a knight
to help people in need.

263
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:03,236
Oh? You're not trying to impress
your parents?

264
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:06,656
Everyone, literally everyone,
wants to impress their parents.

265
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:09,947
You say you're true of heart,
but aren't you really down here

266
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,999
trying to look like a big shot
in front of Sloane?

267
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,536
Haven't you ever heard of a win-win,
you dumbass fuckin' water wall?

268
00:15:17,543 --> 00:15:19,335
Let me through.

269
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,746
Waaaah!

270
00:15:23,674 --> 00:15:25,054
Five minutes, curtains up.

271
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:27,510
- Thank you five.
- Alright, let's warm up your instrument.

272
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:31,595
? Ha-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ?

273
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:36,518
- Ha... ha... ? Ha-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ?

274
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,187
Ha... ha... ha...

275
00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,147
? Ha-ah-ah-ah-ah... ?

276
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:43,488
Haaaaaaaaa!

277
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,029
Only those who are true of heart...

278
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:50,700
You made your point, dickhead.
I'm human garbage.

279
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:54,201
But how does anyone ever pass your test?
It's impossible.

280
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:59,333
Blossom! She needs help. Please!

281
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,594
Look, I don't need a reward,
or glory, or anything.

282
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:06,674
I'll prove it.
Take my life instead of hers.

283
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,885
I'll die an anonymous pile of bones.

284
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:12,676
I don't care. I don't need credit,
no fancy statues in my honor.

285
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:18,271
She's scared and in danger
and saving her is all I care about.

286
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,608
And that's the truth.

287
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:29,822
It turns out your heart is true.
You may pass.

288
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:32,074
So, we have a deal?

289
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,195
I'm merely a gatekeeper, Patrick.

290
00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:37,713
Who lives and who dies
is now in your hands.

291
00:16:42,753 --> 00:16:45,423
Princess! I'm here to save you.

292
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,715
Showtime, baby.

293
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,016
You're ready.

294
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,427
Oh shit.

295
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,058
You've faced yourself,

296
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,685
but now you face the final challenge,

297
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,436
the invincible nightmare men call

298
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,774
the mighty Minotaur!

299
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,196
Oh, how embarrassing for you.

300
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,777
You've wet your knickers.

301
00:17:11,782 --> 00:17:13,699
What? No I haven't.

302
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:17,200
Oh, well, I'll... just keep going.

303
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:21,964
Soon your screams will fill the air
and your flesh shall fill my belly!

304
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:28,130
Now? How about now? A little pee?

305
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,841
Do you want me to pee my pants?

306
00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:31,889
It's not gonna happen. Move on!

307
00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:34,295
He should be drowning
in his own pee by now.

308
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:37,223
Oh my God, this is a train wreck.
Can you just stay on script?

309
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,308
Stop yelling at me!

310
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:42,309
Pee for me, you little shit!

311
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,816
What do I do? Think, Patrick, think.

312
00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,567
Yaah!

313
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:50,149
Olé, bitch!

314
00:17:51,664 --> 00:17:53,025
Uh, now what?

315
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:57,951
Don't ever lead a cow upstairs...
upstairs... upstairs.

316
00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:02,623
Minotaurs are half bull.
That's basically a cow. I hope.

317
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,585
Come and get me!

318
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,979
This is exactly how my cousin Ron died
in that third-floor walk-up.

319
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:29,686
Aw, Branmilk doesn't want to get wet.
I'll keep you dry, dude.

320
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:32,195
I get it, man, I hate baths too.

321
00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:34,106
- Thanks, Broth.
- You got it, Broth.

322
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:39,905
And easy does it.

323
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:42,246
There we go. Gently.

324
00:18:42,247 --> 00:18:44,787
You fail! F-minus.

325
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,381
You're still holding back on me.

326
00:18:46,382 --> 00:18:48,166
No, I'm not!

327
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,460
I am a star...

328
00:18:56,345 --> 00:18:58,215
I wasn't built for stairs.

329
00:18:59,310 --> 00:19:01,426
Assassin!

330
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,523
That's the Assassin's insignia.

331
00:19:03,524 --> 00:19:06,059
Are you working together?

332
00:19:06,063 --> 00:19:09,899
While the kingdom's heroes
rescued Blossom...

333
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:12,610
who was defending the castle?

334
00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:17,198
For years, I stumbled in darkness,
but now I see the light.

335
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,408
Yes, yes. Bring it home.

336
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:24,497
You kneel to false gods,
who sit on stolen thrones.

337
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:27,078
No longer will we live in the shadows.

338
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:30,294
All hail the one true queen.

339
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:31,585
All hail...

340
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,378
Gimme that pelt!

341
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:36,798
- What the fuck?!
- Jesus Christ!

342
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,096
Yes! Yes!

343
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,228
Uh... um, I'll get you out of there.

344
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,896
Was I teaching him?

345
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:52,437
Or was he teaching me all along?

346
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:01,784
Oh. That's what you wanted.

347
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:06,496
Ah, I mean, uh, if you say so.

348
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:15,381
For his final curtain call,
he really slayed it.

349
00:20:18,302 --> 00:20:20,552
Bravo!

350
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:23,351
Blossom, snap out of it.
The castle is in danger.

351
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:26,267
Look, getting kidnapped
is very traumatic.

352
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,478
Don't judge my coping mechanism.

353
00:20:29,897 --> 00:20:31,897
What the...?

354
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:35,529
Attention visitors.
The Minotaur has been defeated.

355
00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,445
The labyrinth is now closed.

356
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,905
- Cut me loose, asshole!
- _

357
00:20:38,906 --> 00:20:42,073
- If you're still alive, please
find the nearest exit. - _

358
00:20:42,098 --> 00:20:44,537
Thank you.
And we hope you enjoyed your visit.

359
00:20:44,538 --> 00:20:45,866
I did!

360
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:50,165
Alright, for serious.

361
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:53,047
We'll both throw them back on three.
Promise?

362
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,875
One, two, three.

363
00:20:55,881 --> 00:20:57,381
See ya, sucker!

364
00:20:59,885 --> 00:21:01,925
God dammit!

365
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:13,105
Oh no!

366
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,572
The Assassin is here.

367
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:24,449
If anyone touched my stuff,
I'm literally going to kill somebody!

368
00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:39,557
Where are you going?

369
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:43,854
It's been fun,
but I have a life outside the maze.

370
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:46,965
Holden, don't do this. Don't leave.

371
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:50,444
I... I have a fiancée.

372
00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:52,686
- What?
- Ruben...

373
00:21:52,688 --> 00:21:54,541
Just go, man. Go!

374
00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:02,315
This maze will always be ours.

375
00:22:04,396 --> 00:22:06,145
_

376
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:45,196
Those peaches were pretty gross.

377
00:22:45,338 --> 00:22:50,392
CREDITS