1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:02,186
Okay, so we hard cut
inside the convenience store.

2
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:04,121
Cody and Barbara enter;
they're high as fuck.

3
00:00:04,146 --> 00:00:05,770
And they head to the snack aisle.

4
00:00:05,796 --> 00:00:08,333
Yeah, and then that's probably
where we should introduce Sheila, right?

5
00:00:08,359 --> 00:00:10,402
- Who's Sheila?
- You know, the crack whore.

6
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,302
- Oh, the crack sex worker. Yeah.
- I mean, the crack sex worker.

7
00:00:12,328 --> 00:00:14,567
- Are we calling her Sheila?
- Yeah, why? Do you not like it?

8
00:00:14,593 --> 00:00:18,035
I don't know. She just doesn't, like,
feel like a Sheila. Maybe Shayna?

9
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,422
Um, I actually do have
a cousin named Shayna,

10
00:00:20,446 --> 00:00:23,224
and I kind of worry that she might be,
like, offended. Do you know what I mean?

11
00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,255
Like, I don't want her to
think I'm making fun of her.

12
00:00:25,281 --> 00:00:27,085
And, see, the thing that you
have to know about Shayna...

13
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,879
- actually really nice to talk...
- Okay, but it's not like she's gonna see it.

14
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,881
I mean, it's just a spec script.
It's not like it's getting made.

15
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:33,756
Okay, well, it won't with that attitude,
that's for sure.

16
00:00:33,782 --> 00:00:35,849
Oh, my God, Cody, if
it's Dan, do not pick up.

17
00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:37,966
Do not pick up! We're working! Ugh!

18
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,292
You fat bitch. You always do this.

19
00:00:40,763 --> 00:00:43,042
You're gonna come back, and
you're gonna be in a bad mood,

20
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:44,686
and then we're gonna
have to talk about your relationship,

21
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,878
and I'm gonna have to
pretend that I care.

22
00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:49,771
CREDITS

23
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,943
Well, that's it.

24
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,260
Dan's totally cheating on me. So...

25
00:00:54,286 --> 00:00:55,746
I know, right?

26
00:00:55,771 --> 00:00:57,866
Yeah. He's going on that
girl Simone's podcast.

27
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,572
And she is so beautiful.

28
00:01:00,598 --> 00:01:01,912
She's honestly stunning.

29
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,387
They probably haven't gotten
physical yet, just because,

30
00:01:04,559 --> 00:01:06,628
like, she seems like
this really sweet person.

31
00:01:06,653 --> 00:01:07,922
- And she's probably, like...
- Super sweet.

32
00:01:07,948 --> 00:01:11,463
considering my feelings, but it's only a matter of time,
realistically, before, like, they move in together

33
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,173
- and, you know, like, start making a family.
- Yeah, time. Realistic, time.

34
00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:17,806
I mean, you know, he's a successful
guy. Like, a lot of girls would...

35
00:01:34,483 --> 00:01:35,982
Who...

36
00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:38,052
is...

37
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,367
that?

38
00:01:42,615 --> 00:01:44,204
I don't know, my
downstairs neighbor?

39
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,914
Holy shit!

40
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,875
I mean, you saw it, right?

41
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,022
- See what?
- His dick.

42
00:01:50,048 --> 00:01:52,568
- It was, like, bulging in his pants.
- Oh, my God.

43
00:01:52,594 --> 00:01:54,339
It was, like, pulsating.

44
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,883
And honestly, now that
I'm thinking about it,

45
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,943
I think I could see the
outline of his balls, too.

46
00:01:57,969 --> 00:02:00,558
- Oh, my God. Dude. Dude. Gross!
- What?

47
00:02:00,584 --> 00:02:02,139
He's, like, 14.

48
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:04,068
Okay, so?

49
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,787
I'm seven. He's, like, twice my age.

50
00:02:06,813 --> 00:02:09,134
I mean, I guess, but still...

51
00:02:09,159 --> 00:02:11,523
Okay, Cody, shut up.
You like older guys, too.

52
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,026
Who do you think that was with him?
Do you think that was his girlfriend?

53
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:17,131
She's busted, right? I mean, could you
believe what she was wearing? It was like...

54
00:02:17,157 --> 00:02:19,364
Dude, what? No. That's his mom,

55
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:22,355
who he lives with, 'cause he's 14.

56
00:02:22,381 --> 00:02:25,113
Do you think it'd be, like, really weird
if you set us up or whatever?

57
00:02:25,139 --> 00:02:27,831
Yes. It would be insanely weird.

58
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,708
Like, what's wrong with you?

59
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,793
I'm a sex doll, okay?

60
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:35,183
I'm sorry that, like, my very nature
is just completely offensive to you.

61
00:02:35,209 --> 00:02:37,331
Okay, that's obviously not what I meant.

62
00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:38,717
Forget I even ever brought it up.

63
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,762
It's like, I'm always there for you.
You're literally never there for me.

64
00:02:42,506 --> 00:02:45,974
A hard right. When have I
not been there for you?

65
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,793
Um, how about, like, ten minutes ago?
The whole thing with my cousin Shayna.

66
00:02:49,819 --> 00:02:53,357
The second I start opening up to you
about something, you just shut me down.

67
00:02:53,529 --> 00:02:56,193
And things are really strained
with me and Shayna right now.

68
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,444
- No, and, like...
- Okay, Barbara, you can't just like...

69
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,998
Oh, my God, you're doing it again!

70
00:02:59,023 --> 00:03:00,417
Barbara, this is insane.

71
00:03:00,442 --> 00:03:03,964
And I know that you have, like, some weird hold over
me, where I do all this inappropriate shit for you,

72
00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,870
but I am not asking
my 14-year-old neighbor

73
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,451
to fuck my boyfriend's used sex doll.

74
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:13,961
So, um, just in here.

75
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:17,660
Thanks a lot for helping
me out with this, Jaxon.

76
00:03:17,686 --> 00:03:18,990
Sure, it's no problem.

77
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,635
So, um, what do you need moved?

78
00:03:23,772 --> 00:03:25,264
This couch.

79
00:03:25,897 --> 00:03:27,516
Yeah. It's, uh...

80
00:03:27,701 --> 00:03:31,900
it's in the wrong place, according
to feng shui, so that's...

81
00:03:31,926 --> 00:03:34,356
you know, maybe that's why my
life is so messed up, right?

82
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,808
Yeah, um, where do you want it to go?

83
00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:45,691
Here. Just, like, this-this side...
here, kind of.

84
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,403
So, you're in, um, what,
you're in, like, ninth grade?

85
00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:50,873
Eighth.

86
00:03:51,176 --> 00:03:52,499
Eighth grade.

87
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,340
Great. Cool.

88
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,671
So, that's, like, the
grade where you get a...

89
00:03:57,869 --> 00:03:59,220
girlfriend or... ?

90
00:03:59,246 --> 00:04:00,957
- No, not really.
- No?

91
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,968
Hey, is this gonna be weird?

92
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,762
Um, 'cause the couch is in
front of the fireplace now.

93
00:04:06,077 --> 00:04:07,512
I'll just, um...

94
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,141
I just won't use the fireplace anymore.

95
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,144
Yo, where are those nuts at?!

96
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,631
Actually, I have a...

97
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:19,151
another thing that needs
to be moved, and, uh,

98
00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:20,631
that thing is in...

99
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:23,061
in my bedroom, so...

100
00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:25,819
This way.

101
00:04:27,384 --> 00:04:28,777
Oh, my gosh.

102
00:04:28,803 --> 00:04:30,913
I forgot I left out my friend.

103
00:04:31,072 --> 00:04:33,215
- Have you seen one of these before?
- Hey.

104
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,613
They're very cool.

105
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:37,660
They're basically, like, a doll

106
00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:39,671
you have sex with, which is cool.

107
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,798
- Okay, he gets it, Cody.
- Oh, okay.

108
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:42,974
Show him the lube.

109
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:45,469
I'm not gonna show him the lube.
This is crazy.

110
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:48,043
So, um, what do you need moved in here?

111
00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:51,214
So this is...

112
00:04:51,371 --> 00:04:54,298
this is my bottle of lubricant.

113
00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:56,146
Tell him that it's lavender hibiscus.

114
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:58,273
- This smells really good.
- Cody!

115
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,134
- Get out of here. You're weirding him out.
- Uh, you know what?

116
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,569
I actually have piano,
so I-I got, I got to go.

117
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:05,009
No! No, Cody, don't let him go!

118
00:05:05,035 --> 00:05:06,127
Don't let him go!

119
00:05:06,153 --> 00:05:07,574
Tell him about my new vagina!

120
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,051
Jaxon, can't you just... Jaxon.

121
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:13,146
Will you... will you please
just fuck my sex doll?!

122
00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:19,294
What did you think was gonna happen?

123
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,505
He's a kid. He probably
doesn't even have pubes.

124
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,551
You're saying he's out of my league?

125
00:05:24,145 --> 00:05:25,856
No! What are you...

126
00:05:26,472 --> 00:05:27,535
Barbara...

127
00:05:27,949 --> 00:05:30,819
I'm sorry. I tried.
You saw. I tried, okay?

128
00:05:30,845 --> 00:05:32,034
It's fine.

129
00:05:32,903 --> 00:05:34,614
It's not your fault.

130
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,395
I'm old.

131
00:05:36,642 --> 00:05:38,187
- I'm outdated.
- Barb...

132
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,762
Barbara, stop.

133
00:05:40,903 --> 00:05:43,005
You want to talk about old and outdated?

134
00:05:43,813 --> 00:05:46,446
Like, past her prime? Like, look at me.

135
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,547
Cody...

136
00:05:47,573 --> 00:05:51,147
you realize I say all that mean
shit to you because...

137
00:05:52,702 --> 00:05:54,339
I'm jealous.

138
00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:56,996
- What are you talking about?
- You're so hot.

139
00:05:57,022 --> 00:06:00,294
- Shut up. No, I'm not.
- You are.

140
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:03,467
- You are. You're, like, effortlessly hot.
- Shut up.

141
00:06:03,584 --> 00:06:05,340
And, like, your tits are amazing.

142
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,478
- Are you serious?
- Yes!

143
00:06:06,504 --> 00:06:08,794
My tits are like, eh... like, who cares?

144
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:11,243
- Like, they're nothing to write home
about. - They are so gorgeous.

145
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:13,003
- I'm serious.
- No, they're amazing.

146
00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:14,420
- They're not. Feel.
- Yes.

147
00:06:14,446 --> 00:06:16,122
No, I'm being serious. Feel.

148
00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:17,388
Feel.

149
00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:21,190
Dude, they're literally perfect.

150
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,817
- Um, yours are perfect.
- Mine?

151
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,527
I hate my boobs.

152
00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:28,291
They're, like, cold and
hard and, like,

153
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,532
- fake.
- No. Uh, shut up.

154
00:06:30,659 --> 00:06:32,564
They are. Feel.

155
00:06:38,074 --> 00:06:39,991
Whatever. They're so nice.

156
00:06:40,548 --> 00:06:43,453
Thanks. I mean, yours are amazing.

157
00:06:55,026 --> 00:06:59,054
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