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Hello, Mr. Huntsman.
Good evening, Snow White.
Would you like to try one of my congo bars?
Well, I guess I can start my diet tomorrow.
Oh, my god!
This is the best thing I've ever eaten in my life!
It tastes almost as good as you look...
Amazing.
Oh, Huntsman.
That little tramp!
There's no way my daughter, Snow White,
makes better congo bars than me, the Queen!
Mirror Max, wake your dimwitted ass up!
Hi, Queenie.
How's it going?
You want to play UNO?
First one to piss their pantaloons wins.
No, I don't want to play UNO.
I need you to...
Okay. Okay.
I'll play one quick round of UNO.
Yippee!
Yay!
Yay, you win. Now listen!
Who's the best congo bar maker of them all?
Is it me?
Let me think!
It is your daughter, Snow White,
who makes the best congo bars in Villardia.
And she's also hotter than you.
I can't stand for this!
I know.
If I eliminate her,
then I'll be the best congo bar maker in Villardia!
So, yeah, I know a little
acai bowl place in Koreatown.
- Oh, huntsman. - I don't know.
Maybe we could ride a little lime over, grab a bite.
- Huntsman! - So sorry, my queen.
Uh, I was just talking to your generous
and lovely daughter, snow white.
Have you tried her congo bars?
They are delicious.
Follow me.
Acai, lime, 7:30. See you then.
Now!
I have a little job for you.
Should be easy. Should be quick.
That's what I'm here for.
I want you to take my daughter
for a walk in the woods.
My pleasure.
She's smart. She's funny. She makes great congo bars.
And then, you know those lumberjack machines?
Yeah.
You mean wood chippers?
Yes. That's it!
I want you to put her in one of those.
Just chop her up real good.
What?!
Now, do it!
Or, it'll be you in that lumberjack machine.
Anything for my queen.
Good.
Oh, and, uh, bring me back a ziploc bag full of her chunks,
just to prove that you did it, okay?
Yes, my queen.
Going for a walk in the woods was such a good idea, Mr. Huntsman.
I told you, c-call me Mike.
Hey, do you hear that?
Sounds like a kitten meowing.
Uh, let's, uh, check it out.
A lumberjack machine?
Some poor animal is stuck inside.
- I can't do it! - _
I can't do it!
It's just a tape recorder making that sound.
Can you believe that, Mike?
Mike?
- I just can't do it! - Mike?
I love you, Snow White!
Mike?
Listen! Yo!
Your mom's insanely jealous of your congo bars, and wants you dead!
You have to hide!
- What? - Your moms wants you dead.
You got to get out of here... And never come back.
There's only one place to hide...
The dwarf resistance!
- What? - The dwarf resistance!
Get the fuck out of here!
If the queen finds out I let Snow white go,
she'll put me in a dungeon, and torture me for years!
And she'll never torture me, 'cause I won't give her the pleasure!
Goodbye, Snow White!
? Two, four, six, eight ?
? Killing the Queen will be really great ?
? Ten, six, two, one ?
? Killing the Queen will be lots of fun ?
? Two, four, six ?
Holy shit!
It's Snow White!
Execute her!
No! Please!
I just escaped from the evil queen.
She was trying to have me killed!
How do we know that?
She was jealous of my congo bars.
Try one.
This is the best congo bar I've ever had.
Nobody who makes congo bars this good could be a liar.
She's a jealous queen.
Well, if Roach believes her, I believe her.
Okay, Snow White. We believe you.
What are you tiny women doing down in this canyon?
We're a militia.
Yeah. We're part of D-U-M, DUM...
Dwarves usurping the monarchy.
And we're gonna take down the evil queen,
and set the people free!
I hate my mother, too.
What do you say I join your little group?
No offense.
What can you do for us?
Can you fire a gun, or throw an ax?
No. But I can make you nutritious congo bars
to give you the energy to throw axes,
fire machine guns, and hurl grenades.
Whisper, whisper, whisper.
Welcome to DUM, Snow White.
? We're gonna watch the queen die ?
? We'll chop off her head, and burn her till she's dead ?
? We're gonna watch the queen die ?
? We'll chop off her feet, and burn her in the street ?
I love this song.
? We'll burn her rear, and the people will cheer ?
Let's go over our plan one more time.
We're gonna disguise ourselves
as the president of the Congo Bar Association.
Then, we're gonna present the queen
- with an award. - _
And once she accepts the prize,
we'll detonate a bomb inside of this trophy,
- murdering the queen, - _
and allowing us to overtake the castle!
How can I help?
By staying here,
and baking us a congo bar victory feast!
Yes, sir!
Who's there?!
It is I, Rodrigo Jones,
the president of the Congo Bar Association of Villardia.
Peace and love! Peace and love!
I am here to give the queen an award
for making the best congo bars in all of Villardia.
Oh, my god. Really?!
Finally, I'm being recognized for my congo bars! Ha!
Guards, escort him to the courtyard.
I am honored today to be here today
to present you this honor
- with our most prestigious honor today. - _
It's in his box, your honor.
Open it up!
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment!
What is this?
This is an odd trophy for congo bar making.
What's happening?
Why isn't it detonating?
It's not detonating because it appears
that somebody doused the detonator in congo bar batter.
Why is it covered in congo bar batter?
How could that have happened?
? Now the dwarves will die ?
What are you doing?
I mean, uh, what are you doing to me?
This is against my showman rights.
Snow White, but... but why?
We thought you were one of us.
We thought you were a member of DUM.
It was all part of our scheme.
I was sent by my mother to infiltrate
your treasonous militia,
and undermine your mission.
We thought she was gonna kill you
because of her congo bar jealousy!
That was all bullshit to make you believe I was against the queen.
And you fell for it.
You are all very small traitors!
I sentence you to be burned at the stake!
Take them away, guards!
I told you not to trust anyone over 5 feet tall!
I love you, mom.
I love you, too, honey.
I do declare that you both make
the best congo bars in the kingdom.
Now, who wants to play UNO?
First one to piss their pantaloons wins.
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