1
00:00:09,437 --> 00:00:11,897
_

2
00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,313
Patrick...!

3
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,892
Whoa! Ohh!

4
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,484
Stop fucking around, Broth!

5
00:00:21,485 --> 00:00:23,770
This is a murder investigation.

6
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,571
Never in a million years did I think

7
00:00:25,572 --> 00:00:29,277
something this awful could happen
at a back alley fuck house.

8
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,334
King Merriman, this is the third lord
who's turned up dead,

9
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:38,366
all of the murder scenes
connected by this insignia.

10
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:42,252
Most lords are inbred goblins,
but Cornhill was a pretty good dude.

11
00:00:42,253 --> 00:00:43,584
Really funny drunk.

12
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,585
I saw him headbutt a raccoon once.

13
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:50,627
Hmm. It looks like the arrow
went straight through Cornhill's mouth

14
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,844
and out the back of his head.

15
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:56,385
S-Sir Wendell, what's this hole?

16
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,100
That's what we in this pleasure business
call a "glory hole."

17
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,141
Or, the "knock-knock-who's there?
Semen. Semen who?

18
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,524
See men stick their dicks
through this hole."

19
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,315
So, the killer could have hidden
behind this wall

20
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:11,487
and given him a mouthful
of something he wasn't expecting.

21
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,528
Death.

22
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:18,661
Sire, I believe we have a highly
dangerous assassin on our hands!

23
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,662
Assassin?

24
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,583
Assassin!

25
00:01:21,607 --> 00:01:22,370
Assassin.

26
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,294
Assassin!

27
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:24,916
Assassin?

28
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,838
Assassin!

29
00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:30,418
Assassin.

30
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,344
Assassin!

31
00:01:34,105 --> 00:01:37,808
CREDITS

32
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,435
We're all gonna die!

33
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:43,646
I gotta get out of here!

34
00:01:43,647 --> 00:01:46,725
Wow, this assassin's
got everyone on edge.

35
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:51,199
No, you fool, Princess Blossom is
coming home from boarding school.

36
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,315
Well, that's cool.

37
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:54,947
Yes, cool like a scorpion
up your pee-hole.

38
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,248
Fool.

39
00:01:57,409 --> 00:02:01,159
Yo, Tanya, I heard your dad died.
You suck his dick too hard?

40
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:05,500
Hey, Andre.
Your weird adult son still missing?

41
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,211
Hey, Blinkerqueef.

42
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,877
Fuck you!

43
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,803
Why doesn't my front gate code
work anymore? Huh?

44
00:02:14,804 --> 00:02:16,471
And why is my room fucking freezing?

45
00:02:16,472 --> 00:02:19,220
And I swear to God, if someone
touched my bong collection...

46
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:23,142
Is that my sweet Blossom?
Welcome home, petal.

47
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,233
We got those dinosaur-shaped
chicken nuggets you like.

48
00:02:26,234 --> 00:02:28,940
I'm vegan now, ya dumb bitch.

49
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,571
Stop trying to make me fat!

50
00:02:30,572 --> 00:02:31,776
Hmm.

51
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:35,277
Ugh, thank God I'm only here
for one night before Beast Feast.

52
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:40,368
About the music festival, pumpkin,
there's an assassin on the loose.

53
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,959
It's too dangerous for you to go.

54
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,164
What? Are you kidding me?

55
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,875
Literally the only assassins I see
are right here.

56
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,376
You are assassinating my life, Dad.

57
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,879
Not only is it too risky,

58
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:56,300
you need to start taking
royal responsibilities seriously.

59
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,891
We're having you host Amateur Mime Night
at the children's hospital.

60
00:02:59,892 --> 00:03:04,348
Maybe I could borrow
their invisible rope and hang myself.

61
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,898
I am going to Beast Feast. Okay?
I'm gonna be fine.

62
00:03:06,899 --> 00:03:09,145
My ladies-in-waiting
are all the protection I need.

63
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,274
Fern tastes my food for poison.

64
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,685
Any meal could be my last.

65
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,574
Ivy protects the most important thing
of all: my image.

66
00:03:16,575 --> 00:03:17,697
Mirror!

67
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,028
Flying in.

68
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:23,789
And last but certainly least,
weighing in at five million pounds,

69
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:26,367
Human Shield!

70
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:31,669
Her only job is to take one for the team
with her big, fat body, yes, girl!

71
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,549
We're actually the same size.

72
00:03:33,550 --> 00:03:36,467
Go make out with your boyfriend,
who is a cake!

73
00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:39,216
Blossom, your father and I
are putting our foot down on this.

74
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,889
I'm going to Beast Feast!

75
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:47,390
You are confined to your room
until Mime Night and that is final!

76
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,320
The Princess is not to leave her room
under any circumstances.

77
00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:58,779
I'm so honored you're trusting me
with your daughter's safety.

78
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,070
Thank you for choosing me.

79
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:04,622
No, I chose you because you're the most
sexually non-threatening squire.

80
00:04:04,623 --> 00:04:06,080
- Oh.
- But I swear to god,

81
00:04:06,081 --> 00:04:09,168
you sweaty little virgin,
if anything happens to my baby,

82
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:11,836
there's a spike on the castle wall
with your name on it.

83
00:04:11,837 --> 00:04:13,415
That is not a figure of speech.

84
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,258
You are in the "P" section,
between "Pascale" and "Pauline."

85
00:04:16,259 --> 00:04:18,676
Why is it alphabetized by first name?

86
00:04:18,677 --> 00:04:21,175
Sounds like something
a virgin would ask.

87
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,846
You have got this, Patrick.

88
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,308
Finally an assignment
you can't screw up.

89
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,352
Oh shit! Where'd she go?

90
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,147
How's the babysitting going, buddy?

91
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:38,361
Honestly, great.

92
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,532
I think I'm really racking up
some squire points.

93
00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:43,781
Well, you better, because
the new squire rankings just came out.

94
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,039
This is so unfair.

95
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,826
Barry's made of stone,
how's he ahead of me?

96
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,510
Well, you did let the Queen get chummed,
and you killed Robin Hood

97
00:04:51,534 --> 00:04:54,739
and gave gunpowder to a pirate
and blew up an endangered Kraken.

98
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,880
I get it, it's fair.

99
00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,881
At least I can't screw up
my new assignment.

100
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,389
Yeah, it's pretty quiet in there.

101
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:04,135
Yeah, she screamed herself out
about half an hour ago.

102
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,097
Um, I think you should see this.

103
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:09,312
Eat shit, Mom and Dad. Huh!

104
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,235
No!

105
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:17,281
Beast Feast!
Beast Feast! Beast Feast! Beast Feast!

106
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,651
This is not gonna be good
for your ranking.

107
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:29,158
We're not telling anybody.
We're going to Beast Feast.

108
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,621
Hell, yeah!

109
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:33,527
_

110
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,167
This festival is enormous.

111
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:39,130
We're never going to find her
before they realize she's gone.

112
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:42,471
Don't sweat it, buddy.
I bought us some time.

113
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:46,512
No time to talk, Patrick. Very busy.

114
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,730
I can't believe that this
is your first Beast Feast.

115
00:05:51,755 --> 00:05:53,090
Let me give you the basics.

116
00:05:53,115 --> 00:05:54,684
- First, stay hydrated.
- _

117
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,857
Next, have a designated meet-up spot.
That's our meet-up spot.

118
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,361
Third, map out your day.

119
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,530
This year's headliner is Testa-Kyll.

120
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,531
Their stage is like guillotines
and torture racks.

121
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,492
I heard they even have
a haunted iron maiden.

122
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,291
It's so dangerous that four roadies
have already died.

123
00:06:11,292 --> 00:06:13,368
They didn't care because
they're so metal.

124
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,423
And the lawsuits,
they were settled in arbitration!

125
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,129
Sasha? Sasha?

126
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,380
Behold. A drunk festival girl
who lost her friends.

127
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,717
They're everywhere.

128
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,798
Seriously, Sasha? Where are you?

129
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,143
See? No meet-up spot.

130
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,429
Oh, shit. The knights are here.

131
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,440
Do you think they're looking for us?

132
00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:38,356
All right, men. Assignments.
Derrick: wave pool.

133
00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:41,107
Holler if you see anyone fuckable.
Timothee: find the weed guy.

134
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,609
And I'll be at the foam party

135
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:45,158
because it ain't Beast Feast
if I'm not fuckin' soaked.

136
00:06:45,159 --> 00:06:49,115
I can't hear them, but it looks serious.
We've gotta work fast, Broth.

137
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:50,197
Broth?

138
00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,786
Hoo-hoo!

139
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,168
I need a new squire partner.

140
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:04,928
Assassin!

141
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:09,224
Hey, whoa. Excuse me, sorry.

142
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,018
? Got a cheeseburger and a margarita ?

143
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:19,479
? Recently divorced from my seņorita ?

144
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,231
? Got a fucked up liver ?

145
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:22,989
? And a dick that's curvy ?

146
00:07:22,990 --> 00:07:26,565
? Now I'm 60 and single
and I'm riddled with scurvy... ?

147
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:30,082
- Yeah! Love this guy!
- ? It's the last call on Suicide Beach ?

148
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:33,615
? It's the last call on Suicide Beach ?

149
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,580
Everybody!

150
00:07:34,581 --> 00:07:36,920
? Last call on Suicide Beach ?

151
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:41,125
? It's the last call on Suicide Beach ?

152
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,380
Princess. Can you get me into VIP?

153
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,884
Sorry. Max capacity.

154
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,925
Princess, will you endorse my herbal tea

155
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,048
that helps you lose weight
through explosive diarrhea?

156
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,601
It's called "Humpty DumpTea."

157
00:07:53,602 --> 00:07:55,679
Yeah, send a business plan to my people.

158
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,727
Princess.
Can you get my uncle out of prison?

159
00:07:57,728 --> 00:08:00,228
He was convicted once, but it got
overturned, and now he's back in prison

160
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,770
and it's unclear if he did it or not,
but they implicated his innocent nephew,

161
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:04,324
so can you un-make these murderers?

162
00:08:04,325 --> 00:08:05,938
I'll do my best.

163
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:11,034
I'll never do my best. I mean, why
do normies always want stuff?

164
00:08:11,035 --> 00:08:14,163
Like, I'm the Princess.
I should be getting the stuff.

165
00:08:22,753 --> 00:08:25,013
Ivy! Face, goddammit!

166
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,716
Human Shield, come stand
next to me so I look skinny.

167
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,017
Ugh.

168
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,095
- Hey.
- 'Sup?

169
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,176
I'm Blossom. As in, Princess Blossom.

170
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,441
Yeah, and this fudge guzzler
is Human Shield.

171
00:08:38,442 --> 00:08:42,185
I'm Keefer. I'm in Testa-Kyll.
I play theremin.

172
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,229
- That's hot.
- You're hot.

173
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,153
Go French kiss a donut.

174
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:52,277
Okay, kids, pickpocket as much
as you can and bring it back to me,

175
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,824
because I am your surrogate father,

176
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,065
unless you get caught,
in which case I never heard of you

177
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,426
and will not bail you out of jail.

178
00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:58,000
Got it?

179
00:08:58,001 --> 00:08:59,455
Yes, sir, Daddy Ruben.

180
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,246
Do not call me that.

181
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,596
Princess?

182
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:14,387
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
How is this fun for you? Ow!

183
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:15,688
Aaaah!

184
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,602
- Everybody over here say yeah!
- Yeah!

185
00:09:18,603 --> 00:09:22,650
And everybody over here throw
your swords in the air, heyyy!

186
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,606
Wait, wait, this is a bad idea!

187
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:29,026
Broth. Did you find Blossom?

188
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,197
No. But I did find a lot of drugs.

189
00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:32,486
We're running out of time.

190
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,119
My head's gonna be on a spike,
and you are...

191
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:36,576
really burned.

192
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,157
That's weird.

193
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,621
I can't feel it.

194
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,877
You have got to get it together.
I need your help.

195
00:09:42,878 --> 00:09:44,285
I already helped.

196
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,637
Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?

197
00:09:56,638 --> 00:10:00,178
We used to love Beast Feast
before you kids came along

198
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,272
and ruined everything good in the world.

199
00:10:02,273 --> 00:10:04,148
We're camping for the whole festival.

200
00:10:04,149 --> 00:10:07,566
We even rented our house out
to the most lovely group of gremlins.

201
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,165
Are you here to see Blarney?

202
00:10:26,168 --> 00:10:27,498
Blarney's performing?

203
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:28,963
Ladies and gentlemen,

204
00:10:28,964 --> 00:10:33,882
please welcome to the Minotaur Stage
the musical stylings of Blarney.

205
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:37,136
Now this song is about fathers and sons

206
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,427
growing up in a working-class town,

207
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,981
just trying to weather the storm, man.

208
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,395
Uh-oh. Oh, oh shit. Oh, I got it.

209
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,697
Oh fuck.

210
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,610
- Shit.
- Doesn't he sound great?

211
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,071
You know, Patrick,
you were conceived to this song.

212
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,196
All right,
I'm just gonna do it a cappella.

213
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,535
We wait all day, we drink all night,

214
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:03,957
ladies-in-waiting, fight-fight-fight!

215
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:06,037
Wooooo!

216
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,251
Ski shot, bitches!

217
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:11,712
And I was like, "Children's hospital?
Why don't you suck my whole ass?"

218
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:13,422
Like, I'm going to Beast Feast.

219
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:17,763
It's so cool you work with kids.
You do so much for this kingdom.

220
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,511
Yeah, I do.

221
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:21,813
You're, like, the only person
who gets me, Keefer.

222
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:26,185
You're a complex woman, Blossom.
With complex emotions.

223
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:30,816
I've gotta go to sound check, but
afterwards, let's make dream journals.

224
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:39,118
I think I just did my first cum.

225
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,083
Blossom!

226
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,537
Blossom!

227
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:45,496
Blossom!

228
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:49,587
Sasha? Sasha.
You're ruining my birthday.

229
00:11:58,886 --> 00:11:59,756
Assassin!

230
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,181
Assassin!

231
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,034
Dammit. I lost them.

232
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,147
Get in on this groove, Patrick!

233
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:19,532
Broth. Did you see a guy
in a cloak with a gold pin?

234
00:12:19,533 --> 00:12:21,701
I think it could be the assassin.

235
00:12:21,702 --> 00:12:24,785
I think the pin was
the same symbol as...

236
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,575
Patrick, I can smell time!

237
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:33,094
I don't know why I try with you.

238
00:12:33,095 --> 00:12:37,506
Mmm, apple strudel. Must be 7:30.

239
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:41,008
7:30? I gotta get the Princess
back to the castle.

240
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:42,812
Huh?

241
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,099
Great, hand it over.

242
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,770
Two bucks and a crusty sock?
No wonder you're an orphan.

243
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,150
Your parents must've died
of embarrassment.

244
00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:54,978
No gruel for any of you tonight.

245
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,067
Stop, please! Ohh!

246
00:12:58,070 --> 00:13:00,240
I am your father!

247
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,281
- Yoink.
- Dammit!

248
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,244
Ah, Sandalwood.

249
00:13:06,245 --> 00:13:08,204
Mmm. Pine forest.

250
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,955
Mmm. Fresh cut hay,

251
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,625
just like my family farm,

252
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:15,626
before Papa traded me
for a handful of magic beans

253
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,879
and I never saw my fam...

254
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,920
Mmm. Peppermint.

255
00:13:18,924 --> 00:13:20,553
Why aren't you with the Princess?

256
00:13:20,554 --> 00:13:23,010
You're supposed to be
her ladies-in-waiting.

257
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,595
What are you doing?

258
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,846
Waiting. Duh.

259
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,978
She's over at the bong kiosk.

260
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,147
Princess.
You're not supposed to be here.

261
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,688
Eww! A sweaty virgin guard boy.

262
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:40,453
Like, what are you, obsessed
with me? Stalker.

263
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,405
I'm doing my job.

264
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:46,196
There's an assassin on the loose and
we need to get you back to the castle.

265
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,248
Your life, and mine, depend on it.

266
00:13:48,249 --> 00:13:49,325
So, what else is new?

267
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:53,708
This whole kingdom's full of haters,
and I need these bongs.

268
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:57,839
Hmm. You're about Keefer's size,
but not hot.

269
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,550
Try on all these shirts.

270
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:03,092
Keep up, pack mule.

271
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:05,219
I'm wearing 17 T-shirts

272
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,389
and sweating a river
down my ass crack right now.

273
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:11,228
Could you at least
be a little nicer to me?

274
00:14:11,229 --> 00:14:14,226
Nicer?
Being nice is a luxury I can't afford.

275
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,567
I'm the heir to the throne,
ya dumb bastard.

276
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:18,315
What does that have to do with it?

277
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:21,446
When you're royalty,
everyone wants something from you.

278
00:14:21,447 --> 00:14:23,485
I'm not a bitch because it's fun.

279
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:27,074
I'm a bitch because it's necessary...
and fun.

280
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,655
Oh, so being a bitch is like your armor.

281
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,710
Did you just call me a bitch, bitch?

282
00:14:33,711 --> 00:14:35,666
No, I was only repeating what you said.

283
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,957
You know, there's no road map
to being a princess.

284
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,220
No matter what I do, assholes are
always gonna fucking roast me.

285
00:14:45,221 --> 00:14:47,299
There's no road map for me, either.

286
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,182
I have no idea what I'm doing.

287
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,616
_

288
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:51,891
Stop whining.

289
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,442
You know, if I fuck up,
they immortalize it in a play.

290
00:14:54,443 --> 00:14:56,556
Yeah. And then that play tours.

291
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,403
And then your high school
drama club does it,

292
00:14:58,404 --> 00:15:00,478
and then they don't even give you
the part of you.

293
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:08,702
I mean, how do you think it feels to be
in the ensemble in a play called Blossom?

294
00:15:08,703 --> 00:15:10,240
Ouch. That sucks.

295
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,504
Don't say my play sucks.

296
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:18,499
Lightweights.
Is it your first Beast Feast, losers?

297
00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:20,962
- Uggh!
- Assassin!

298
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,093
Assassin!

299
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:29,047
Princess, wait up.
We need to leave right now!

300
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,555
It smells like shit in here.

301
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:32,717
We went candle shopping.

302
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:33,853
Ohhh!

303
00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,438
We gotta go!

304
00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:37,305
Yeah, to Keefer's concert.

305
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:40,398
Okay, c'mon, ladies, make me look
even more beautiful than I already am.

306
00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:41,399
Yas, yas!

307
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,070
You don't understand.

308
00:15:43,071 --> 00:15:44,608
The assassin is...

309
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,454
Assassin!

310
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,066
Here.

311
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:52,285
I mean, we haven't officially
said we're boyfriend-girlfriend,

312
00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,766
but I feel good about it, I do, I do.

313
00:15:54,963 --> 00:15:57,075
I heard that eye roll, fat-ass.

314
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:01,177
Uhh!

315
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:07,175
You want the Princess?
You gotta go through me, motherfucker.

316
00:16:09,553 --> 00:16:12,138
I mean, we're totally gonna do it.

317
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,639
Like, we're gonna grab
each other's butts so hard

318
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:18,186
that like Jesus makes a baby pop out.

319
00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:20,146
Oh! That's so hot.

320
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,017
I am so jealous.

321
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,569
Do you even know how sex works?

322
00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,198
Hyaah!

323
00:16:26,199 --> 00:16:27,275
Hyaah!

324
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,869
I hope you like sandalwood, bitch.
Hyaah!

325
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,826
Oh, shit.

326
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:37,254
Oh no, that's worse. Oh, God.

327
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:41,380
What the fuck?
What happened to my fucking bongs?

328
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,586
- The assassin...
- "The assassin."

329
00:16:43,587 --> 00:16:46,627
Take some responsibility for once
in your life, Patrick.

330
00:16:46,632 --> 00:16:47,932
Aaah!

331
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,719
Blossom! Blossom!

332
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,596
Sasha? Sasha!

333
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:57,637
Mackenzie. Oh my god, I'm right here!

334
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,269
I thought you died!

335
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,854
Like, really.

336
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,725
I had to take a massive coke-shit.

337
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:06,776
? Ooh, ashes, ashes ?

338
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:11,614
? We all fall down ?

339
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:16,325
Now, I'd like to bring someone special
out on stage for a duet.

340
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:17,745
Oh, no.

341
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:21,916
Ladies and gentlemen, you're
about to witness the birth of a star.

342
00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:25,837
My new slam piece, Princess Blossom.

343
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,549
Mwah!

344
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,340
We wrote this song backstage.

345
00:17:32,344 --> 00:17:35,184
While we were doing
over-the-clothes hand stuff.

346
00:17:35,185 --> 00:17:39,809
We might've made a baby,
but we can't find it anywhere!

347
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:41,018
Yeah!

348
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:57,658
? Every thorn has its prick ?

349
00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:01,161
? Every flower has its blossom ?

350
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,791
? Keefer, I love your dick ?

351
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:06,752
? And your vagina is pretty awesome ?

352
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,714
? If you ever kiss another girl ?

353
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:12,005
? I'll pull a murder-sooey ?

354
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,546
? If you ever kiss another guy ?

355
00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:20,892
? I'll kill you first,
then do meeeee... ?

356
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:23,561
? Covered in your blood ?

357
00:18:23,562 --> 00:18:26,814
? I'm gonna be covered
in your blood, yeah ?

358
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,605
? Covered in your blood ?

359
00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:29,689
? Oh, baby ?

360
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:32,822
- ? I'm gonna be covered in your blood ?
- ? Just cover me with your blood ?

361
00:18:32,823 --> 00:18:34,661
? Yeah, baby ?

362
00:18:34,662 --> 00:18:37,575
? I'm covered in your blood ?

363
00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:39,746
? Gonna be covered in your blood ?

364
00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:43,414
Boo! More like a star is stillborn!

365
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:46,705
Sasha! She's ruining my birthday.

366
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,298
? I'm covered in your blood ?

367
00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:50,876
- Oh, God.
- I know, right?

368
00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:54,550
She sounds like if dog shit
got smeared onto the sheet music.

369
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:57,011
? ...covered in your blood, yeah, yeah ?

370
00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:59,055
? Blooood! Blooood! ?

371
00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:02,225
? Yeah-yeah, oh, yeah-yeah-yeah
oh, yeah-yeah! ?

372
00:19:02,226 --> 00:19:04,556
? Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah... ?

373
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,731
Princess, get down!

374
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,111
Ohhhhh, shiiiiiiit.

375
00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:20,578
I'm freeeeee!

376
00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:25,246
Noooooo!

377
00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:27,166
Uggh!

378
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,719
Am I dead?

379
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:38,219
Oh yeah, oh, yeah.
Let's make a better baby.

380
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,387
I wish I was dead.

381
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,064
Patrick, you saved me.

382
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,984
Oh, I... I did, huh?

383
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:55,065
I mean, it's almost like I saved myself

384
00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:57,450
because the shirts I made you wear
stopped the arrow.

385
00:19:57,451 --> 00:20:00,027
But... still, you did your job.

386
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,493
Unlike Human Shield!

387
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,336
I tripped?

388
00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:07,415
Keef, baby, where are you?!

389
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:10,084
Here, baby. Not a scratch.

390
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:14,972
Keefer, look out!

391
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:16,629
Uggh!

392
00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:21,217
Whoo! I'm okay.

393
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,017
Keefer!

394
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,269
Keef? Buddy?

395
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,479
No!

396
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,859
What the fuck?!

397
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,320
? Covered... ?

398
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:40,948
? In your blood ?

399
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:43,039
Am I still high,
or did you just kill someone?

400
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,620
But I didn't... It's not my fault!

401
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:49,122
Well, that'll mean the world
to his parents.

402
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:52,004
I'll never love again!

403
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:57,167
I'm going to Romeo and Juliet myself!

404
00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:00,885
Nobody better stop me!

405
00:21:05,891 --> 00:21:09,521
I mean it!
I'm gonna join Keefer in heaven!

406
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,154
I'll do it later. I dunno.

407
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:16,987
Um, Princess...

408
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,612
I know this is a bad time,

409
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:23,581
but Mime Night starts in 15 minutes.

410
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,370
_

411
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,166
I'll never forgive you.

412
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:34,208
I'm sorry.

413
00:21:34,211 --> 00:21:37,800
Take your sorry, fold in it half,
and blow it out your ass!

414
00:21:37,801 --> 00:21:41,338
- What are we whispering about?
- Nothing, Dad! Butt out!

415
00:21:42,928 --> 00:21:46,718
Ten bucks that kid on the right doesn't
make it to the end of the show.

416
00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:50,640
You owe me ten bucks.

417
00:21:50,853 --> 00:21:54,063
No, wait, never mind. He was miming.

418
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,861
Dear diary, today I met my soulmate

419
00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:01,742
and I performed with him at Beast Feast.

420
00:22:01,743 --> 00:22:03,278
I crushed it.

421
00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,282
And then he died. Sad face.

422
00:22:05,284 --> 00:22:07,914
But then I went to Mime Night.
I'm such a good person.

423
00:22:07,915 --> 00:22:10,955
P.S., I hate Human Shield.

424
00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:12,956
Your friend, Blossom.

425
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:17,751
'Sup, babe?

426
00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:19,305
Keefer?

427
00:22:27,021 --> 00:22:31,747
CREDITS