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Goodbye, Mommy!
I'm going to play with all the wonderful creatures
in the Enchanted Forest.
Oh, that's wonderful, Goldilocks.
Just don't get lost.
You know how years ago your dad went for a walk in the forest,
and he never came back.
Please, Goldi, just be home before dark.
Oh, Mother, don't worry.
I'll be back before the moon kisses your nose.
? Forest, forest ?
? It's a love-fest in the forest, forest ?
? It's a love-fest ?
? Look at the crab hiding in the tree ?
? I love him, and he loves me ?
? Two little ducklings eating strawberry jam ?
? All the animals in the forest are my fam ?
? Forest, forest ? ? It's a love-fest ?
? The Enchanted Forest is such a magical place ?
? I love the horseshoe crab tears on my face ?
? This is my place to escape the human race ?
? Forest, forest ?
? It's a love-fest in the forest ?
Hurry up, boys. I'm hungry.
Make that goddamn porridge.
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And make it good.
Mama, want me to grind up some of these trolls
and put them in the porridge?
No, you half-wit!
I want you to grind up some of the trolls,
and put them in the porridge!
Y-Yes, Mama.
You dope! Mama loves me more.
I'm Mama's favorite.
No, Mama loves me best.
Eat up, my lovable screwballs.
We got work to do.
Look what you did to the porridge!
It's too hot!
Mama, I'm sorry.
We just ain't as smart as you, Mama.
All right. Let's go down to the creek to get some catfish piss.
It'll cool this disgusting shat down.
- I love you, Mama. - I love you more.
Shut up!
? Forest, forest, forest ?
I'm lost.
I'm pooped.
I'm cold. I'm tired. I'm hungry, and I'm lost.
What's this?
Look!
It's somebody's house.
I'll just walk in without asking.
I'm sure it's okay.
Oh, boy! Look at this place.
Oh, my!
This looks like some kind of food.
It's porridge.
I love porridge!
This bowl of porridge tastes like doo-doo.
This bowl of porridge tastes like pee-pee.
This bowl of porridge is just right!
? Welcome to Goldilocks' body ?
? We think you are really great ?
Oh, no!
I got to caca doo doo!
This toilet is too hard.
Ew, yuck!
This toilet is too soft.
This toilet is just right.
The toilet bit off my bum-bum.
Yum.
I need a new bum-bum.
Oh, my! What's this?
Three bum-bums in a bum-bum hutch.
This bum-bum is too hairy.
This bum-bum is too stinky.
This bum-bum is just right.
Hooray! A new bum-bum!
Sewing on a new bum-bum sure makes me sleepy.
I'm going to need a nappy doodi doo.
What's in here?
Three beds!
Yikes! This bed has crabs!
Yuck! This bed is full of mustard!
This bed has a big brain in it.
Just what I love.
Okay, we got the catfish piss
to cool this porridge...
Oh, look what you did to the catfish piss!
Yeah, Mama, he's a dummy.
I told you not to be stupid, you moron.
It's not my fault, Mama. I slipped in that puddle of sludge,
but it don't matter anyway.
Look, someone ate all the porridge.
What?!
Somebody has been sludging up the crapper, Mama.
What?
And someone stole my emergency ass.
What?!
Boys.
There's a stranger in the house.
You know what to do.
We sure do.
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Follow those footprints.
Someone slept in my bed.
Someone slept in my bed, boys!
Someone slept in my bed,
and they're still in it.
Hi, little bear! My name is Goldilocks.
You want to be my friend?
Boys, let's show Goldilocks here
what we do to unwelcome guests.
I got her! I got her! I got Goldilocks!
Mama! What you doin' in there?
You fraggin' with me old-school?
You dummy. You done bashed up Mama.
You baboon-brained idiots!
I'm sorry I ate your porridge, sludged up your toilet,
took your emergency bum-bum
and slept in your big brain bed.
Please let me go home to my mother.
Home? My ass.
Hive Head, give her the bees.
Get'r done, honeybees.
Yikes! I don't like bees.
Owie!
Owie, owie, owie!
Well, I guess I barely made it out alive.
I'm going home!
Mama, we're all hooked up together.
Yes! We'll be connected forever.
Shut up, you blathering bozos!
Yikes, a bear monster!
My golden locks!
Yikes! I'm on fire.
Owie, owie, owie, owie, owie!
I'm dead.
Our house is done ruined, Mama.
She knows that, you half-wit.
I know! I know!
Let's go take Goldilocks' house.
Shut up, you idiots!
I've got a better idea.
Let's go take Goldilocks' house.
Good idea, Mama. Good idea, Mama.
? We're going to Goldi's house ?
? We're gonna take over Goldi's house ?
? We're going to Goldi's house ?
Just one second. Who is it?
Oh, my little Goldi doo-doo.
You're safe.
Ouch, my eye!
What's happening?
? I'm a mommy puppet, la-la-la ?
? I'm a mommy puppet la-la-la ?
Let go of my mommy,
you stupid poo-poo, pee-pee bears.
Goldi, help!
Look, Mama, it's Goldilocks.
She's still alive.
Not for long.
You hurt my mama
and made me use bad language.
Lunch time.
Owie, owie, owie!
Tastes like ass juice.
All I did was eat your porridge.
Boys...
Mama!
Brother!
Me!
But who?
It is I, Goldilocks,
your daddy.
Daddy? Is that you?
That's right.
I am your porridge daddy.
Many years ago, I was wandering through the forest,
and those evil bears captured me
and turned me into porridge.
It was through my own sheer will
and love for you, my daughter,
that I was able to escape into the woods
where I've been living for nearly a decade
as a half-man, half-porridge freak.
But why didn't you come home years ago?
I was too ashamed to show my porridge-y face.
Oh, Daddy!
Heathcliff?
Is that you?
Victoria, my love!
Oh, hooray!
We're a family again.
? We got a mom, and we got a dad ?
? And our daughter, that's not bad! ?
? We're a family ?
? The bears tried to kill us 'cause they're mean ?
? But we're the best family that they've ever seen ?
? We're a family ?
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