1
00:00:00,999 --> 00:00:03,374
_

2
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,049
Step right up!

3
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,349
Five tries for a dollar,
three tries for two!

4
00:00:12,350 --> 00:00:13,636
That's my kind of deal!

5
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,929
Broth, we're on security detail!

6
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,476
The queen is taking the stage soon

7
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,436
and those protesters
are making me nervous.

8
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:23,147
It's time to strike a blow
for Kraken rights!

9
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,978
We'll show them
you can't exploit the majesty of nature

10
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:27,680
in the name of consumerism!

11
00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:29,408
- _
- _

12
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,530
Yeah! For Krakens!
What the hell is a Kraken?

13
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,621
Professor Sequoia, do we get graded
for this or is it pass / fail?

14
00:00:35,622 --> 00:00:38,829
First of all, Gretchen, I told you:
I'm the cool professor.

15
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,498
When we're just rapping, call me Ziggy.

16
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,019
It's not about grades, it's about
disrupting the Queen's speech.

17
00:00:43,073 --> 00:00:44,143
_

18
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,841
Lighten up, Patrick. It's Kraken Week!

19
00:00:46,842 --> 00:00:48,339
I hate to get all legal on ya,

20
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:51,259
but we'd be breaking the law
if we didn't party our faces off.

21
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,891
Broth, we need to get to our post!

22
00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:02,144
Welcome to the 109th Kraken Week!

23
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,738
Is everyone enjoying my brand new
baby Kraken infinity scarf?

24
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,869
No!

25
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,744
Chum. Chum! Get down!

26
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,995
Get down!

27
00:01:25,893 --> 00:01:27,291
_

28
00:01:27,979 --> 00:01:30,006
Chum shot to the face!

29
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,377
It's in my mouth!

30
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,974
Wooooooo! Look out!

31
00:01:38,635 --> 00:01:42,401
CREDITS

32
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:50,782
My life is 51 weeks of hell
and one week of paradise:

33
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:52,608
Kraken Week!

34
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,822
Patrick, is it true you were there

35
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:57,333
when the Queen got chummed
at the opening ceremonies?

36
00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,244
Ah-ah! No work talk! Only Kraken talk!

37
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,325
But, Dad...

38
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:04,830
If your lips are flappin',
better be about Kraken!

39
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,463
Who wants dessert?

40
00:02:06,464 --> 00:02:09,420
Nobody gets cake until we sing the song.

41
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,757
? O Kraken Week, O Kraken Week ?

42
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,096
? You're from an ocean, not a creek ?

43
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:22,266
? We love your fins and tentacles ?

44
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,977
? You eat virgins and barnacles ?

45
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,058
Bring it home!

46
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,898
? O Kraken Week, O Kraken Week ?

47
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,939
? I wish you were my family ?

48
00:02:31,944 --> 00:02:33,861
- Glenn!
- Well, I'm sorry!

49
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,862
Kraken Week is very special to me.

50
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,533
And since I'll never
get to see one in the wild...

51
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:41,122
Dad, for the millionth time, I'm sorry!

52
00:02:41,123 --> 00:02:43,119
I didn't know I had a shellfish allergy.

53
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:46,421
There we were, in line
for the Kraken-watching tour.

54
00:02:46,422 --> 00:02:51,126
Soak it in, kids. This is a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

55
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:55,879
I've been on the waiting list
for this tour since I was your age.

56
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:59,595
- Hey, Patrick, lick this.
- What is it?

57
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,966
It's a popsicle.

58
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:04,771
- Don't tell anyone where you got it.
- Okay.

59
00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:09,483
Last call
for the Kraken-watching tour! Last call!

60
00:03:09,484 --> 00:03:12,069
This is it! Woo!
I've never been so happy!

61
00:03:12,070 --> 00:03:13,187
I love you, kids.

62
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,113
What are you eating?

63
00:03:15,114 --> 00:03:16,737
Popsicle. I found it.

64
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:19,318
You don't look so good. Is that shrimp?

65
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,034
I can't breathe!

66
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,825
Oh, my God!
He's having an allergic reaction!

67
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:29,125
He's fine!
His tongue is swollen with excitement!

68
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,036
Whose isn't? I'm swollen!

69
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:36,548
Who finds a popsicle?

70
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,300
Dad, I'm done apologizing, because
somebody works at the castle now.

71
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:43,723
And somebody got free
Kraken-watching tickets for tomorrow!

72
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,731
Oh, Patrick, you shouldn't have.

73
00:03:46,732 --> 00:03:50,646
Son, you just went from
least favorite kid straight to the top!

74
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,687
- Hey!
- Glenn, stop ranking the kids.

75
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,444
Tomorrow? I have taxidermy club!

76
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,404
I finally get to show off Winky!

77
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,243
You can skip it.

78
00:04:02,244 --> 00:04:06,002
How'd you get free tickets after
letting the Queen get fish-blasted?

79
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,584
You let some tree-hugger
chum-punt the Queen?

80
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:15,665
He did! And I want him strung up
by his heels immediately!

81
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,222
- I'll take care of it, my love.
- Hmpf!

82
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,770
That is... the funniest thing I have
ever heard in my whole fucking life!

83
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,518
How can I ever repay you?

84
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,403
No! Straighten the virgin!
It looks ridiculous!

85
00:04:36,404 --> 00:04:40,161
Dad, Blarney's too drunk to be up here!
Can I get some sober help?

86
00:04:40,162 --> 00:04:43,485
No, you have a problem, man!

87
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:48,246
Ah, nobody help him!
It's the only way he'll learn.

88
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,300
Done!

89
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,085
Ugh, Krakens are so lame! And yappy!

90
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,919
They're like the corgis of the sea.

91
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,264
You take that back!

92
00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:03,678
I'm a pirate, Dad.
The ocean is my office.

93
00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:05,969
I know what I'm talking about.

94
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,311
Listen, if you're the man
with the connections,

95
00:05:08,312 --> 00:05:12,558
how about hooking Coral up with some
sweet gunpowder from the royal stash?

96
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,189
I can't take you seriously
when you talk in the third person.

97
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,830
And I'm not stealing
from my job for you.

98
00:05:16,854 --> 00:05:19,780
Oh, c'mon, bitch! I'm in the middle
of a pirate turf war

99
00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:23,068
and I'm getting my cooch
handed to me by Long Dong Doug!

100
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,120
I need to beef up my firepower!

101
00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:28,286
Would you just back off
and let me savor my victory?

102
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:30,537
I'm finally back on Dad's good side.

103
00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:34,709
He's going to have the experience of a
lifetime, and it's all thanks to me!

104
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,786
_

105
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,846
I've never seen you look
so happy, Glenn!

106
00:05:44,847 --> 00:05:47,385
Well, that boy's made
my dreams come true!

107
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:50,269
Nobody move! This is a hijacking!

108
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,419
_

109
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:57,148
Kraken Week is canceled! Forever!

110
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,899
God dammit, Patrick.

111
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,737
A Kraken-watching cruise
has been hijacked!

112
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,827
- There are hostages.
- What?!

113
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:13,828
The Royal Navy can handle it. More
importantly, where are we with lunch?

114
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,382
Sire, there are many
valuable spices onboard.

115
00:06:16,383 --> 00:06:19,876
For example, Cinnamon is on the ship.

116
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,759
Cinnamon? Who cares?

117
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,757
Your Highness, also aboard
is a load of Basil.

118
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,648
Bazel? I'm never sure
how it's pronounced.

119
00:06:27,672 --> 00:06:28,672
Oh, dear.

120
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:36,354
I'm Doreen,
and this is my husband, Glenn.

121
00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:39,105
- Hello, I'm Cinnamon.
- I'm Basil.

122
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,897
And what do you do for work?

123
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:44,531
- I work in the castle.
- So do I! What department are you in?

124
00:06:44,532 --> 00:06:46,906
The Department of... Adultery.

125
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,037
Get out of town!
I'm in the same department!

126
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:55,957
- What is going on?
- I think we have a meet-cute.

127
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:58,958
As the king,
I should handle this personally.

128
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:02,051
Yes, and I'll go as well.
It's the right thing to do.

129
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,924
Broth, I am freaking out!

130
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,545
Me too! We never picked a lunch place!

131
00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,263
No, my parents are on that ship!
I have to save 'em!

132
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,691
So, we're just never
gonna eat, then, huh?

133
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,865
_

134
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,315
Beautiful, ain't she?

135
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,566
Y'know, a ship is like a woman...

136
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,605
End of metaphor.

137
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,660
Technically, a simile.

138
00:07:28,661 --> 00:07:30,987
- Cool boat.
- Look but don't touch, boy.

139
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:34,582
And it's not a boat, it's a ship!
There's a goddamn difference!

140
00:07:34,583 --> 00:07:35,830
What's the difference?

141
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:40,084
A ship... is a really big boat.

142
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,045
Admiral Killgore,
the King requests your presence on deck.

143
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,546
We're approaching the hijacked ship.

144
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:50,141
You heard the man, Broth.
Lick but don't touch.

145
00:07:50,142 --> 00:07:52,555
Mmmm. Glassy.

146
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:58,311
Ugh, I think I cut my tongue!

147
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,989
- What's the plan, Admiral?
- Standard hostage protocols.

148
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:11,197
We shoot a hole in their ship.
Icy waters and sharks do their jobs.

149
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:15,995
Survival rate is a solid 50%.
Everyone goes home happy.

150
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,915
Fifty percent? That's horrific!

151
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:22,876
Yep. I'm more of a glass-half-full
kinda guy.

152
00:08:22,878 --> 00:08:26,918
Your majesty, think of the cinnamon!
And the basil!

153
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,053
Well, he's right!
We can't lose the cinnamon!

154
00:08:29,054 --> 00:08:31,389
That's right.
Sharks love cinnamon, Your Highness.

155
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,095
And no harm must come to the basil!

156
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,926
Okay, I'm not a shark dietitian.

157
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:42,861
I think this is going super well, guys.
We're really making a difference.

158
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:45,436
Anna's right! This is going great.

159
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,322
Sean, we all know you're just
taking this class to impress Anna.

160
00:08:48,323 --> 00:08:50,488
What?! Bullshit!

161
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:54,619
I really care about these dolphins, man.
Or seals or whatever they are.

162
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,158
Whoa, Sean! Swing-and-a-miss!

163
00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:02,124
Uh, hi. Remind me who you are, again?

164
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,205
Oh, me? I'm just an uneducated,
self-made millionaire

165
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,969
back in college to reconnect
with my son Sean!

166
00:09:07,970 --> 00:09:09,715
Dad, you're embarrassing me.

167
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:11,716
Heads up, class! It's the heat.

168
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,386
Now they can't ignore us!

169
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,757
Yeah! They'll cancel
Kraken Week for sure!

170
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,933
If they cancel Kraken Week,
I will kill myself.

171
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,234
You are a married man
with four children.

172
00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:23,308
I heard what I said.

173
00:09:25,566 --> 00:09:29,566
- Canons are loaded and ready!
- Wait!

174
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:32,200
Can't we try to negotiate
before we sink them?

175
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:37,157
The Royal Navy does not negotiate
with terrorists!

176
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,450
Not ordinarily.

177
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:42,043
But today you've got the world's
greatest negotiator on board.

178
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,459
Oh, wait. He means me!

179
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,300
What the hell are you talking about?

180
00:09:47,324 --> 00:09:49,377
You couldn't negotiate your way
out of a paper bag.

181
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,341
- I wrote the book on negotiation!
- No, you didn't.

182
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:55,052
I say I did, you say I didn't.
Sounds like a maybe.

183
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:57,353
- You just got negotiated.
- Oh, shut up.

184
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:02,018
Let's negotiate, motherfuckers!

185
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:03,769
Holy shit, that's the King!

186
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,438
Well, now it's treason.

187
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,729
- Tie him up.
- What?!

188
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,024
What?!

189
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,315
And they've kidnapped my husband.

190
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,609
Looks like I'll have
to go over and fix this.

191
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,660
You can do it, Your Majesty!

192
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,770
Well, they just tied up the Queen.

193
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:25,998
Here you are always getting kidnapped,
and I have to come to the rescue.

194
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,586
I own your dick!

195
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:31,007
The King, Queen,
their barely secret lovers,

196
00:10:31,008 --> 00:10:32,796
and my own parents are gonna die,

197
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,178
and I'm the domino
that started this shitstorm!

198
00:10:35,179 --> 00:10:36,797
I've got to do something!

199
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,932
Like I've been saying,

200
00:10:37,933 --> 00:10:40,930
we blow a hole in their ship
and let God sort it out.

201
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,773
Should I go back to base
and get reinforcements?

202
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:45,849
No! I got this under control!

203
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,439
- Seems like you could use some help.
- No!

204
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,560
- I could fly there right now.
- No, Chip!

205
00:10:50,584 --> 00:10:53,275
Fine! I'm gonna go watch
the travesty unfolding downstairs.

206
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,568
That Broth kid's a hoot!

207
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:59,032
Please, give me a little more time.
I know we can save the hostages.

208
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,409
Stop talking!

209
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:05,170
I will give you an hour, then it
is time for the ol' Blow-n-Drown.

210
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,344
Oh!

211
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:21,177
- Hi, I'm Cinnamon.
- Oh! Charmed, I'm sure.

212
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,559
And, uh, this is my new friend, Basil.

213
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,650
Nice to meet you...
for the first time ever.

214
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,149
Did the vibe get very strange
all of a sudden?

215
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,527
Doreen, don't engage!

216
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:38,028
Broth! Things are going off the
rails out there... what the hell?

217
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:43,157
I broke all the bottles,
so I need more bottles.

218
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,580
- Grab a bottle.
- Why didn't you just dump it out?

219
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:48,628
Because I'm drunk
and I've lost a lot of blood.

220
00:11:48,629 --> 00:11:50,915
I don't have time for this.
I need the parrot.

221
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,799
Parrot? Oh, my God!
I thought that voice was in my head!

222
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,718
- Broth's a failure.
- You heard that, right?

223
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,512
Guys, we're in too deep.

224
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,473
I gotta tell ya, I thought college
would be a lot more, y'know,

225
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,893
- keggers and pussy.
- Dad!

226
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,232
Look, I wanna save Krakens
as much as anybody,

227
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:11,608
but this is guillotine-level treason!

228
00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:13,276
None of this is in the syllabus!

229
00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:15,605
There's no syllabus for life, Gretchen!

230
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:18,531
There's no turning back now!
Seize the moment!

231
00:12:18,532 --> 00:12:20,320
Moment... moment... moment.

232
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,201
Anna, I'm gonna seize the moment.

233
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,084
Since we're about to die,
how about you and me...

234
00:12:28,085 --> 00:12:30,081
I am fucking your dad.

235
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,842
You are the fucking enemy
of my happiness, Dad!

236
00:12:33,843 --> 00:12:37,256
What can I say?
It's college! Hey-hey-hey!

237
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,337
Here are our demands:

238
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,303
cancel Kraken Week,
more funds for conservation,

239
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,524
end the culturally insensitive
ban on virgin sacrifices.

240
00:12:45,525 --> 00:12:48,136
Because the Krakens are starving!

241
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:50,561
I don't negotiate with nerds.

242
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:52,980
Oh, you will!

243
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,689
So, you won't cancel Kraken Week, eh?

244
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,488
Then I have no choice but to cancel you!

245
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:01,989
What the hell does that mean?

246
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:06,079
The history books are full of Kraken
sacrifices... usually princesses.

247
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,918
We don't have a princess handy,
but we have the next best thing!

248
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,511
Not to the face! Not to the...

249
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,053
It's even better than I imagined!

250
00:13:21,054 --> 00:13:25,179
- Ugh, it's in my eye, you little dick!
- Sorry, ma'am.

251
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:27,100
My dad's sleeping with the girl I like,

252
00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:29,139
and I'm really going through
some stuff right now.

253
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,337
This is it!

254
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:08,346
Glenn, your Kraken boner
is tightening the knots!

255
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:16,765
I swear to God, if that thing
puts one scratch on my ship...

256
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,442
It's the Glenn of the sea!

257
00:14:19,443 --> 00:14:21,152
I've killed us all.

258
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,373
Somebody do something!

259
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,245
Open fire!

260
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:42,006
No! Don't hurt it!

261
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:46,087
Cannons can't pierce Kraken hide!
Any true Krak-Head would know that!

262
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:48,304
I'm talking about emotionally!

263
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,845
Tulip!

264
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:00,816
What the hell is your problem?

265
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,777
It's because she's not a virgin!

266
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,281
Of course! Krakens only eat virgins!

267
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:09,832
See, class?
Gretchen did the assigned reading.

268
00:15:13,586 --> 00:15:15,171
_

269
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,707
Now that is rich!

270
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,205
It needs a virgin,
or it will kill us all!

271
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:23,764
Quickly, who among us is pure?

272
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:29,302
No, huh? Hey! Good for you!
Look at this guy.

273
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,556
Does... does hand stuff count?

274
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:33,597
Let's say "yes," just to be safe.

275
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:42,395
No! I'm on your side! I'm an ally!

276
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:47,989
That's right! I-I'm no virgin!
I'm a tenured professor!

277
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,780
Each semester brings a fresh crop
of barely legal coeds!

278
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,624
I'm a human resources nightmare!

279
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:57,537
Professor! No!

280
00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:01,294
- It's okay, babe.
- I gotta get off this boat.

281
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:04,455
Our professor died at sea.
We all get automatic A's.

282
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,724
Yes! Yes! It's in the syllabus.

283
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:19,101
What's up, cocksuckers?

284
00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,864
Broth's a failure.

285
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:23,616
Her.

286
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,778
You came!

287
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:36,329
So, Coral. Argh!

288
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:38,539
Queen of the Pirates.

289
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,080
Chip, I see you've been busy.

290
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,514
Don't be jealous.
Plenty of Chip to go around.

291
00:16:44,515 --> 00:16:47,875
Admiral Javier Killgore,
we meet at last!

292
00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:50,343
Looks like you've got yourself
a Kraken problem.

293
00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:52,178
Nothin' we can't handle.

294
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:57,519
Ahem. Did you just come here
to get corrosive sea water

295
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,977
on my freshly waxed floorboards?

296
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:03,147
Or do you have any suggestions
for stoppin' that thing?

297
00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,438
Well, that's the deal with Krakens.

298
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,652
The only thing that'll make 'em fuck off
is chowing down on virgin meat.

299
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:13,783
Ugh! Tell me somethin' I don't know! Ah,
the hell with this, I'm gettin' a mop.

300
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:17,537
Coral, Mom and Dad are on that ship!
Do something!

301
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:18,828
You know my terms.

302
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:21,540
Are we talking about that gunpowder?

303
00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:23,711
This is serious! Mom and Dad could die!

304
00:17:23,712 --> 00:17:25,920
Meh. They're old. they had a good run.

305
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,801
You're unbelievable!

306
00:17:32,678 --> 00:17:34,468
You blinked first.

307
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,471
Under Maritime Law, I win!

308
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:39,141
Ugh, fine! So, what do we do?

309
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,521
Like I said, Patrick,

310
00:17:40,522 --> 00:17:42,559
there's only one way
to make a Kraken disappear.

311
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,314
It needs a sweet, perky virgin.

312
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,987
Hey! Kraken!

313
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:57,200
I volunteer as virgin tribute!

314
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:04,625
- Oh, no! Patrick!
- Jesus, Patrick!

315
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:08,045
The neighbor kid is a year younger
than you, he already has three kids.

316
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,666
Everyone moves at their own pace, Dad!

317
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:13,684
Oh, Christ!

318
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:21,684
- No!
- My poor virgin son!

319
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,895
Virgin? It's a mercy killing.

320
00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:25,396
Ooooh.

321
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,902
Patrick!

322
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:36,782
He died as he lived...

323
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,994
- A hero.
- A virg... hero. Mm-hmm.

324
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,245
Hey! Kraken!

325
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:48,247
I might smell like a virgin,

326
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:51,633
but I taste like dynamite!

327
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:59,639
Nooooooooo!

328
00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:05,186
No! My ship!

329
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:11,441
It's the Kraken's one weakness,
the switcheroo!

330
00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:13,778
I'm so glad you're happy!

331
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:16,369
I just compromised
everything that I stand for!

332
00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:19,695
The ends always justify
the means, Patrick!

333
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,494
Words to live by!

334
00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:22,954
See ya later!

335
00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:26,875
Me and this gunpowder
have a date with Long Dong Doug!

336
00:19:28,669 --> 00:19:31,754
Dammit! Oh, shit. The shellfish.

337
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:37,755
Oh, she's so wild and untamed!
I wish I could bottle her up.

338
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:41,848
Aaaaaaand done.

339
00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:43,474
Whew!

340
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:44,975
Ah!

341
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,360
Thus ends the story of Broth.

342
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:55,861
Thanks for the gunpowder, fucko!

343
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:02,201
Is it a bad time
to ask for next Friday off?

344
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,288
You know what? You seem busy.

345
00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:09,884
Oh, yes!

346
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,755
Oh!

347
00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:21,175
- You taste as good as you look!
- Thanks!

348
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:26,934
Hello? Can you stop making out
and come rescue me?

349
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:31,314
Statistically, half of them
will die from sharks and exposure.

350
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:32,765
Fuck off, Chip.

351
00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:36,571
Ladies and gentlemen...

352
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:41,115
I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Basil!

353
00:20:45,329 --> 00:20:49,289
- I introduced them, you know.
- I know! I was fuckin' there!

354
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:52,091
I can't believe we got stuck
at the co-workers' table.

355
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:56,465
After she dances with her dad,
we are out of here.

356
00:20:57,341 --> 00:21:02,011
Baby, I know this is bad form
at a wedding, but I can't resist.

357
00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,888
Will you be my third wife?

358
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,557
Oh, yes! Yes!

359
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:10,058
Hey! She said yes!
Sean, you're getting a new mom!

360
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:12,982
Wow, I'm gonna kill myself.

361
00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:14,680
Okay.

362
00:21:14,813 --> 00:21:20,563
CREDITS