1
00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:11,677
Hi, I'm Patrick. It's my first day.

2
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,222
Oh yeah, you?re the guy
who won the squire tournament

3
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,766
by tucking his testicles
between his legs.

4
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,601
Not the rep I hoped for.

5
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,186
'Sup, homie?

6
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,189
- Broth, what are you doing here?
- I get to be a squire too!

7
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:26,108
Turns out my mom is one-quarter Viking.
I?m a diversity hire.

8
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,361
Look at all these white assholes.

9
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,822
We?re supposed to be training,
but the instructor hasn?t shown up yet.

10
00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,534
- Oh, shit!
- First rule of bein' a squire:

11
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,078
- Never let down your guard.
- What's the second rule?

12
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:40,498
Rules two through eight are mostly
about who goes first at a four-way stop,

13
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,834
Secret Santa protocol,
that kind of thing.

14
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,587
It gets good again around number nine.
Line up!

15
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,715
My name is Sergeant Meghan,

16
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:53,469
and it?s my job to polish
you wet turds into diamonds!

17
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:57,056
I?ve shed blood on battlefields
from here to the river Styx!

18
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,475
I've burned my own pubes
for a signal fire!

19
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:03,020
I know how to field dress a man
and use him as a sleeping bag!

20
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,523
Your skin looks cozy as hell.

21
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,025
Thank you?

22
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:17,702
Fairies! They?re so beautiful!

23
00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:20,413
Out in the wild, you eat what you catch

24
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,039
or you starve.

25
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,666
Wait. You don't mean...?

26
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,002
Yahhh!

27
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,049
They key is not to care about them.

28
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,720
Hey, Patrick, come get in on
these tasty wangs!

29
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,223
Um...

30
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,185
Oh... - Whoa!

31
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:46,147
Oh, hello! I'm Sprinkles!
What's your name?

32
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,773
Um, Patrick?

33
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:51,777
Patrick? I have a son named Patrick!
Where are you from?

34
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,739
Well... - Oh, I live in a well too!

35
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,908
We have so much in common, Patrick!

36
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,993
Ugh, I can't eat you.

37
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,370
Who am I to be the arbiter
of life and death?

38
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,373
Your loss. I'm fuckin' delicious!

39
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,709
It burns!

40
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,879
Because glitter is fairy shit!

41
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,382
What?

42
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:20,973
Patrick, you just graduated
from the shit list to the shart list.

43
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,894
Prepare to change your clothes.

44
00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:29,965
CREDITS

45
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,531
Your Highness,
the latest poll numbers are in,

46
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:38,533
and the people are not happy.

47
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:41,786
What are the walking garbage pails
complaining about this time?

48
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:46,791
Well, your decision to trade all of the
grain reserves for a handful of beans.

49
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,793
Magic beans.

50
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:51,295
You planted them
months ago, Sire, and...

51
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,339
Have a little faith, Blinkerquartz.

52
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,843
Take me to the sky.

53
00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,471
Luckily, I'm the king.
I can't be voted out of office.

54
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:03,099
Correct! Which means the people?s
first and only option

55
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,892
is to revolt and murder you.

56
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,190
That is graphic.

57
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,110
On second thought,
let?s get those poll numbers up.

58
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:17,321
Excuse me, Your Royal Majesty.

59
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:21,200
Someone's on Sgt. Meghan's shart list.

60
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,119
I love a good hazing! Lay it on us.

61
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,623
Bad bunny, bad bunny, fell down on...

62
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,459
Like you mean it! You're a bad bunny.

63
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,838
Bad bunny, bad bunny,
fell down on his tail.

64
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:37,175
No carrot cake for Bunny,
'cause he's in bad bunny jail.

65
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:40,094
Thank you, Patrick,
for thoroughly wasting our time.

66
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,305
If we could get back
to the poll numbers, please.

67
00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:44,223
Let's ask bad bunny.

68
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,852
What would you do if you were the King
and wanted everyone to love you?

69
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:51,689
Well, let's see here, uh,
modernize the sewer system.

70
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,441
Public education.

71
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,693
Uh, ooh, how about a social safety net?

72
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:58,613
I?m a king, not a genie.
Give me a shortcut.

73
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,823
But shortcuts tend to be
bad and wasteful.

74
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:05,536
I mean, building statues, starting wars,
parades, public executions...

75
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:09,874
Great Caesar?s ghost! The kid?s right!
We need a public execution!

76
00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,878
- No, I meant...
- To the archives! Follow me!

77
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,046
Well, congratulations, Patrick.

78
00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,591
You?ve just unleashed
a fresh hell on all of us.

79
00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,594
I know it's around here somewhere!

80
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,388
Due east! Halt! Back!

81
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:25,973
Hmm... perfect!

82
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,810
Ah!

83
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,729
A-ha! Found it!

84
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:35,191
Did you know Gutenberg?s first print job
was a titty mag?

85
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:36,609
It?s true what they say,

86
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:40,154
every new content platform
is driven by porn.

87
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,699
Okay, let?s find the other thing.
Due west!

88
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,620
Halt!

89
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:51,833
I drew it as a wee lad:
the world?s greatest execution machine!

90
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:55,419
Um, I?m not sure
this is structurally sound.

91
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:59,632
That?s because you?re a dumb-ass
squire and not the royal architect!

92
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,052
I am the Royal Architect,
and this is unbuildable.

93
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,973
- The King wants it by tomorrow.
- This is a goddamn fever dream!

94
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:10,351
How am I supposed to turn this
into a real working machine?

95
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,813
And this part,
it?s just a mean limerick about his dad.

96
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,066
Is it supposed to be load-bearing?

97
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,529
As a special treat, tomorrow
we?ll be training somewhere new:

98
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,031
Naked Lady Island.

99
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,910
- I'm already hard.
- Except you, Patrick.

100
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,371
Arrgh! - The King says
you?re on execution duty.

101
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,914
I'm what?

102
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,959
Sucks to be you, Patrick!

103
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,628
We?ll tell you all about
Naked Lady Island, buddy!

104
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:40,715
- I just might move there permanently!
- -.

105
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:43,968
A death machine?
You know what we?re putting to death?

106
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:48,055
My hair and makeup budget! That's what!

107
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:51,642
What happened to the old days
when we?d just stone people to death?

108
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:54,937
It was such a crowd-pleaser!
People like to feel included.

109
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,565
That?s why we?re doing
audience participation.

110
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:00,193
This kid could win a college scholarship
at halftime.

111
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,820
All I have to do is kick a ball
through that hoop.

112
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,281
That?s right, sweetie. A ball.

113
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,367
Here, get used to kicking
something with a face on it.

114
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,746
I?m gonna be educated!
It was my papa?s dying wish!

115
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:15,875
- Oh, great.
- Her papa was the last guy I executed.

116
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:19,670
That's... haunting. But perfect segue:

117
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,964
I heard I?ve been assigned
to the execution tomorrow.

118
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,133
I?m honored
but maybe I?m not the best choice.

119
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,593
Why not?

120
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:29,764
Okay.
I think the death penalty is, uh, wrong.

121
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:33,601
Kid, I am so with you.
We can?t put every prisoner to death.

122
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,938
- Exactly!
- An execution is a "sometimes treat."

123
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:40,316
- Like ice cream, dancing, butt stuff.
- Right! Wait.

124
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,986
And that?s why I can?t execute
some average schmoe tomorrow.

125
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:47,823
You go down to the dungeons for me
and pick out a real all-star.

126
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,909
You know, a true shitball.

127
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:54,247
You want me to decide who dies?
I can?t play God!

128
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:57,250
God?ll never know!
God doesn?t even know your name!

129
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,877
It's the perfect crime!

130
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:06,260
Watermelon! Watermelon! Watermelon!

131
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:10,763
Stop fucking around!

132
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,350
We have to finish in three hours
and we haven?t even started the hot tub!

133
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:18,354
Holy shit!
The King?s finally gonna execute me!

134
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:21,065
I?m not ready! I knew I was a huge deal,

135
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,651
but I didn?t realize
my life was in danger!

136
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:27,697
I?m terrified but also... so flattered.

137
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:32,076
Oh, I can see it now:
adoring fans chanting my name.

138
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,662
Ruben! Ruben! Ruben!

139
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:39,333
My final words. Everyone staring at me.
Not a dry eye in the house.

140
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,419
Ruben, it sounds like
you want to be executed.

141
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:44,088
Fuck, Dirk, I don?t want to be executed.

142
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:48,010
I want them to want me to be executed.
It means I've made it!

143
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,431
They're going to execute me!

144
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,975
You seem unusually okay with it.

145
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,020
Coconut, they?ll never catch me.

146
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,646
But do you realize how rare it is

147
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,400
for a woman to get recognized
in this industry?

148
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,945
Is it true?

149
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:10,990
The squire who couldn?t even
eat a delicious fairy

150
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,367
now holds power over life and death?

151
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:17,246
What are you doing here, Sprinkles?
Do I own you by fairy law now?

152
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,833
Oh, no.
I'm haunting you till the day you die.

153
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,754
All your friends ate my friends!

154
00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:28,966
I saw my fiancé get eaten
like a fucking corn on the cob!

155
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:31,093
We just sent out our save-the-dates!

156
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:35,598
We hired a calligrapher,
who was also eaten!

157
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,003
Are you trying to make me cry?

158
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:40,971
_

159
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:45,816
Oh-ho-ho! Big commotion at the castle!
Oh, talk of the town!

160
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,194
Hear they?re executing
someone pretty important!

161
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,530
Kind of a bigwig.
Everyone wants to blow him.

162
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,782
- I wonder who, though.
- Ain't been announced yet.

163
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:55,535
As the flier guy, I?d be first to know.

164
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,371
My money?s on Ruben the Rogue.

165
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,415
- No. Never heard of him.
- Ruben the Rogue?

166
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,751
Robs people in the forest,
wears a lot of green,

167
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,337
feather in the cap,
real panty-dropper of a mustache.

168
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,464
- Come on, man!
- That sounds like Robin Hood.

169
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,384
Fuck Hood. That?s because he?s been
ripping off Ruben for years!

170
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:15,429
So, big execution, huh?
My money?s on Coral, the pirate queen.

171
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,348
Piss off, Coral! You don't know shit.

172
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,976
This is my year! I mean, Ruben's year!

173
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,769
That's crazy talk!

174
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:25,815
Who do you think is the best
worst criminal, random flier guy?

175
00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,817
Well, if you ask me, best, worst...

176
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:30,278
It?s all a big popularity contest,
ya know?

177
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:33,615
Just a big execution industry circle
jerk that... oh, they're gone.

178
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:36,644
_

179
00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,744
Stick together, people!

180
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,331
Jesus! - The itinerary said nude beach.

181
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,376
There was no itinerary.

182
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:49,380
- - Guys! I found them!
- -

183
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,632
- Hell yeah!

184
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:56,180
Uh, naked ladies? Hello?!

185
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:03,019
Guys, I've never seen
a naked lady before.

186
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:06,023
Are they supposed to... hiss?

187
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,280
Look, guys! Barry's rock hard!

188
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,116
Broth! Shut the fuck up and run!

189
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:24,940
Enjoy the teamwork exercise! -

190
00:10:25,378 --> 00:10:27,564
_

191
00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:32,215
- Ah! What in the blue hell?
- _.

192
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:34,509
Do they know
I'm in charge of the execution?

193
00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,262
- Oh no. Everybody's getting them.
- _

194
00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,890
"The sea has never been scarier."

195
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,893
This seems like
an enormous waste of money.

196
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:50,150
Hi everybody!
I have good news and bad news.

197
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:56,323
The good news is, I brought lollipops!
Yay!

198
00:10:57,241 --> 00:11:02,245
The bad news is, I need a volunteer...
to die.

199
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:05,332
Anyone wanna take one for the team?

200
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:12,588
Anyone feeling terminally ill?
Maybe just sad in general?

201
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,841
I'd say we're all sad in general.

202
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:17,635
I guess we're doing this the hard way.

203
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:20,096
Phillip Smallface? Arsonist?

204
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:21,639
Let me break it down for you.

205
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,600
If I light a church on fire
and it doesn?t rain,

206
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:29,106
I ask you, is that on me
or is that on Jesus?

207
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:34,944
Okay. Charles Reinhold,
AKA Chuckster the Huckster.

208
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:38,489
It says you stole the life savings
of hundreds of grandmas,

209
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:42,785
meemaws, nanas, abuelitas,
bubbies, babbas, and obaasans.

210
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:46,539
Yes, I used it to buy a gold yacht
for my underage mistress,

211
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,958
and they both sank
to the bottom of the river.

212
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:54,881
Yikes. Okay, Engelbert Tinklepaw,
you... ate your dad?

213
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:58,885
I didn't eat him on purpose.
He fell into the barbecue pit.

214
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:03,097
It was a tragic, but in a certain light,
hilarious mix-up.

215
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,141
Right. Uh, Pam.

216
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,768
You're a witch? - I'm not a witch!

217
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,813
I'm just asking for equal pay
for men and women!

218
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,149
Witch! Witch!

219
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:16,152
What about this guy over here?

220
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,362
Blarney?! Why are you here?

221
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:22,617
Hey, Patrick. I couldn?t live
under that bridge a second longer, man!

222
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:26,455
My roommate?s a real troll. He kept
posting lies about me on the web.

223
00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:29,295
_

224
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,881
Mm-kay. Who did I miss?

225
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,008
What about in here?

226
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:46,432
What the...?

227
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,935
Oh, hi!
Welcome to the Queen's sex dungeon,

228
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,270
AKA the "fun dungeon"!

229
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,315
Now, a couple of ground rules.
The safe word is "S! xty-n! ne."

230
00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,778
But spelled out, capital S,
and the I?s are exclamation points.

231
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:04,659
- - So, who's the big winner?
- - This is my worst nightmare.

232
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:05,993
Eh. Flip a coin.

233
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:08,746
I?m gonna take a deep dive
into that "fun dungeon."

234
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,832
Oooo, "fungeon"!

235
00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:19,383
Hang in there, O?Brien!
Ol? buddy, ol? chum!

236
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,016
On the count of three,
I?m gonna be back in my sunroom

237
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,726
drinking sweet tea with my labradoodle.

238
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,521
One, two, three. Ahhh!

239
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:41,070
Guys, remember,
don't look them in the eye! Shing!

240
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,822
Just stare at their tits.

241
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,117
In this case, it?s
perfectly appropriate!

242
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:49,328
So, what do you do when you?re not
slithering around a cave,

243
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,623
murdering emotionally available squires?

244
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:56,127
You free later?
How do you feel about pub trivia?

245
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:58,880
Fun time is over.

246
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,924
Guess it's time to let those idiots out.

247
00:14:03,406 --> 00:14:05,007
_

248
00:14:06,390 --> 00:14:08,078
_

249
00:14:09,794 --> 00:14:11,288
_

250
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,632
_

251
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:18,191
I?ve got to admit, advertising works.
I want them both to die.

252
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:22,236
We've had an enlightening two-and-a-half
hours with Coral and Ruben.

253
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:24,947
It?s a tragedy
that both of them can?t be executed.

254
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,158
We have time for one more question.

255
00:14:27,159 --> 00:14:29,493
This question's for both of you.

256
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:32,246
What would you say to the King right now

257
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,957
to convince him
you deserve to be executed?

258
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,083
Should I...? - Are you...?

259
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,835
Oh. No. Oh. - Oh, did you want to...?

260
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:38,878
If you can. - Okay.

261
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,547
Well, first of all, great question.

262
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,008
I would tell the King
to follow his heart.

263
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,469
There's a lot of great criminals
to choose from,

264
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:50,389
but I?ve put together a fantastic
body of work that speaks for itself.

265
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:53,392
No disrespect to Coral...
She's a fine pirate...

266
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,354
But I think it's time
for a bandit to be executed.

267
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:59,398
Forest-based crime doesn't get
the recognition it deserves.

268
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,151
Uh, actually, what about Robin Hood?

269
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:04,320
Listen, let me tell you about
fuck-stick Robin Hood.

270
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,364
Steal from the rich
and give to the poor?

271
00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:08,824
He stole my look and gave it to himself!

272
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,993
Let's give our panelists a hand.

273
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,579
I'll see you in hell.

274
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,706
Not if I get there first.

275
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,208
Oh, I?ll be there first,

276
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,960
and I?ll be waiting
with a platter of crudités.

277
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:22,213
I?ll bring my friend Satan, because
he and I will have already bonded

278
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,675
while we were waiting
for your stinky-ass to show up.

279
00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:28,270
_

280
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:33,850
- Oof, I gotta boil my fists after that.
- Gross.

281
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:36,978
How?s it going out here? - Well,
I?m down to the "ate his dad" guy

282
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,438
and the "mistress-drowning
grandma embezzler."

283
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:44,443
I'm pretty sure he ate his dad on purpose,
but the evidence was all circumstantial.

284
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,904
- Chuckster is open and shut.
- Pffft. Come on!

285
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:50,074
You could throw a dart in here and hit
someone who deserves to be executed.

286
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,742
No one deserves it.

287
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:56,039
But, as much as it pains me,
I think I gotta choose the Chuckster.

288
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,458
Or do I? - Eh. Good luck with that.

289
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,336
Gotta go be a human strap-on.

290
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:11,470
The most important thing
at an execution:

291
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,099
don?t lose your head!

292
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:19,645
It's hard to get ahead nowadays!

293
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,355
You suck, Bungles!

294
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,191
Who me?

295
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:25,860
Boooo!

296
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,321
It?s Dick Scab Guy from the web!

297
00:16:30,741 --> 00:16:33,911
The time has come for justice!

298
00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:40,082
The time has come
for a favorable impression of the King

299
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,920
in all future public opinion surveys!

300
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:51,136
And stick around as one lucky fan plays
the Halftime Scholarship Challenge!

301
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:57,934
Now, bring out the condemned!

302
00:16:57,935 --> 00:17:00,520
Chuckster the Huckster! -

303
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:04,815
- Come on, that's bullshit!
- Ho-ho! Of course it's a man!

304
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:07,693
Chuckster the Huckster?
I?ve never even heard of this guy!

305
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:11,447
If it couldn?t be me,
I wish it was you dying up there.

306
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,659
Oh, thanks, sis. That means a lot.

307
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:21,123
I?m sworn to protect the realm,
and that includes convicts, too.

308
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,918
Hope this is the right piece.

309
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:26,587
Sabotage?
I didn?t think you had it in you.

310
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:31,050
Prisoners are human beings.
Even awful ones like Charles Reinhold.

311
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,302
This murder-tainment is gross.

312
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:38,724
If we kill people for our amusement,
then who are we to judge Reinhold?

313
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,768
Maybe I didn?t give you
a fair shake, Patrick.

314
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:42,520
Your heart's in the right place.

315
00:17:42,521 --> 00:17:45,648
I mean, I wish you were dead
instead of everyone I loved,

316
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,483
but you're an okay dude.

317
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:51,696
Death ma-chine!
Death ma-chine! Death ma-chine!

318
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:55,617
- I feel a poll rising!
- In your pants? Heh.

319
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,997
Never step on my punchlines.

320
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,547
Charles Reinhold,
AKA Chuckster the Huckster,

321
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:12,967
you are hereby sentenced to death.
Any last words?

322
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:15,303
Quite a few. For you see...

323
00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:19,348
I?m not "Charles Reinhold." I'm...

324
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,392
Robin Hood?!

325
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,685
That's right!

326
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:25,730
The real Charles Reinhold
drowned on his gold yacht!

327
00:18:25,731 --> 00:18:29,734
I took his place to infiltrate
the castle, and here I am!

328
00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:32,069
Thief! Thief! He stole my look!

329
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:35,823
Once again, King Merriman,
I have ruined your evil schemes.

330
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:39,202
Anyone can see this was a stunt
to win the favor of the people.

331
00:18:39,203 --> 00:18:41,913
Try feeding the poor
and fixing the roads.

332
00:18:41,914 --> 00:18:44,081
But that?s expensive! And boring!

333
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:47,126
People don?t like stunts.
They like results.

334
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:51,422
And that?s why everyone
needs to look under their chairs!

335
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:53,925
They?re full of gold coins!

336
00:18:53,926 --> 00:18:56,552
- Don't kill Robin Hood!
- Robin Hood for president!

337
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,678
Fuck me, Robin Hood!

338
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,430
Goddammit, they?re turning on me!

339
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:01,433
Little John! Let?s bounce!

340
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,647
- He seems really popular.
- He did win fair and square.

341
00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,610
Oh, dear. Arrrgh!

342
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,535
Ahhh!

343
00:19:20,536 --> 00:19:22,411
Fuck! That could've been one of us!

344
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,873
In hindsight,
who cares about stupid awards?

345
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,502
Cheer, people! Cheer, for God?s sake!

346
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:33,173
It?s an execution!
It?s supposed to be fun!

347
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:43,474
Oh, thank Christ.

348
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:46,103
- What's happening?!
- I did it! I saved him!

349
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:50,732
Little John! Anybody!

350
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,484
The mercy bolt! It's gone!

351
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,778
"Mercy bolt"?

352
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:59,574
Oh, God! This is so much worse!

353
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,284
I can taste the blade!

354
00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:03,786
Who would design a machine like this?!

355
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,122
Ack!

356
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:16,299
Patrick, is this a bad time to confess

357
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,219
that Sgt. Meghan didn?t find
that fairy field by accident?

358
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,431
I traded her the lives
of my fellow fairies for opium.

359
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:25,349
- - What?!
- -

360
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,934
- -

361
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,936
Get a loan like the rest of us!

362
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,564
Feels good to get it off my...

363
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:37,445
- This could not have gone worse.
- It went about how I expected.

364
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:41,782
What kind of monster built that thing?
The King is a madman!

365
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,367
What if he puts us in the machine?

366
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:44,952
I think I love the king now!

367
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:47,205
I now approve of our psychopathic king!

368
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:49,665
We?re 100% loyal, your grace!

369
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:53,252
You know, Your Majesty, some say
it is better to be feared than loved.

370
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,546
Y?know what? I?ll take that W.

371
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:57,048
Patrick...

372
00:20:57,049 --> 00:20:59,008
I'm sorry!
Please don't put me in the machine!

373
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:02,220
Ha! You?re hilarious.
We crushed it today!

374
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,138
We did?

375
00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:06,641
Nobody?s gonna mess with a king
that puréed a folk hero!

376
00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:09,560
This job?s not as black and white
as I thought.

377
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:13,273
Did I help the kingdom or commit murder?

378
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,944
"Cheer up, Patrick! You did a good job!

379
00:21:17,945 --> 00:21:20,197
Here, you win a free hat!"

380
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,116
Thanks.

381
00:21:25,911 --> 00:21:29,914
This was the worst day of my life. -.

382
00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:31,207
What happened?!

383
00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:34,126
Naked Lady Island was shit!

384
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,213
Today?s lesson:
if you let your guard down for a second,

385
00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:41,175
- you end up like Barry.
- Barry? We lost Barry?!

386
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:43,178
I mean, we didn't really lose him.

387
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:51,477
Does anyone want to switch bunks?
Barry?s creepin' me out.

388
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:54,356
Oh, stop asking! Just go to sleep!

389
00:21:57,693 --> 00:21:59,402
Patrick, you should've seen her!

390
00:21:59,403 --> 00:22:02,822
Snakes for hair
and built like a brick shit house.

391
00:22:02,823 --> 00:22:04,657
I?m gonna marry that woman.

392
00:22:04,658 --> 00:22:06,702
Jesus Christ, go to sleep.

393
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:13,292
Oh, my fucking God!

394
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,754
I think I hate being a squire.

395
00:22:18,755 --> 00:22:22,661
Patrick, do me a favor
and hiss like a snake for me.

396
00:22:22,982 --> 00:22:28,185
CREDITS