1
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:06,171
Diana is missing.

2
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,656
She was supposed to go to our house

3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:13,785
on Tuesday morning to help my
son with the air conditioner,

4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,544
- and she didn't show up.
- Hello?

5
00:00:15,564 --> 00:00:16,622
Hi, Cody,

6
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,916
- I have Phil Goldman for you.
- Who?

7
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:22,711
Phil Goldman, bitch!
What's up? I'm your new agent.

8
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,384
Hey! I'm sorry. I don't
know if you've heard,

9
00:00:25,404 --> 00:00:26,673
but Jason Levy

10
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,801
was recently #MeToo'd, so he's
no longer with the company.

11
00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,763
- Oh. Oh, my God.
- Yeah, so it's me and you.

12
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:34,973
I'm your agent, you're
my client. What's up?

13
00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:38,227
Okay, that's a little weird
'cause I never even met Jason,

14
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,436
- so...
- No, I know.

15
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,146
Nobody's really met him. Who cares?

16
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,232
Yeah, anyway, listen,
sorry it's so late.

17
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,778
I've taken over his whole
roster, so I'm making my way

18
00:00:45,798 --> 00:00:47,789
through the list, and
you're the last one on it.

19
00:00:48,437 --> 00:00:49,530
Oh, okay.

20
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,572
Yeah, uh, I'm sure it's alphabetical.

21
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:53,325
Yeah, or-or by talent.

22
00:00:53,789 --> 00:00:54,910
I'm kidding.

23
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,370
- Who knows? Anyway...
- Okay.

24
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,039
Listen, we got a lot of
shows staffing right now,

25
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,626
and they're looking
for lady writers, yeah.

26
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:05,814
The problem is I don't have
a current sample from you,

27
00:01:05,835 --> 00:01:09,549
so if you could shoot something
over to me ASAP Rocky, that'd be great.

28
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:14,096
Yeah. I'm just working on this,
uh, thing about the tooth fairy.

29
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,546
- Oh, the tooth fairy!
- Yeah...

30
00:01:15,566 --> 00:01:17,082
I fucking love that shit.

31
00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:20,033
Like, she's the tooth fairy,
but then she's also a stripper

32
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:21,270
because, you know, like,

33
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,938
- dollar bills.
- Yeah!

34
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,399
Yeah, dollar bills, I
fucking love that shit.

35
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:29,262
I love that. It's so good.
That's such originality. I mean,

36
00:01:29,283 --> 00:01:31,270
it's probably 'cause you're
Dan Harmon's girlfriend.

37
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,865
That guy's such a fucking genius.

38
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,564
- Yeah, he-he's super great.
- Yeah, he's super great.

39
00:01:35,585 --> 00:01:39,371
Listen, if he's ever unhappy
with his current representation,

40
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,040
it would be my honor... honor...

41
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,721
to take him on as a client,
you know what I mean?

42
00:01:43,742 --> 00:01:45,419
I will definitely let him know.

43
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,517
Uh, yeah, please, let him know. Oh.

44
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,715
Fuck me in the dickhole.

45
00:01:49,736 --> 00:01:52,801
I got to take this right away,
okay? It's Jason Levy.

46
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,252
We're still kind of friends,
and I don't know,

47
00:01:55,273 --> 00:01:58,140
I think he might hurt himself tonight,
if you know what I mean, kill himself.

48
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,684
I think he might commit
suicide. I'm gonna take this.

49
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:02,832
Just send me some of your writing shit,

50
00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:06,311
and then I'm gonna check it out, and, uh,
we'll go from there, all right, babe?

51
00:02:06,332 --> 00:02:08,486
- Buh-bye!
- Okay, bye.

52
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:12,189
CREDITS

53
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,211
_

54
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,982
Cody!

55
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:34,127
What you doing up there?

56
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,783
Are you working on your pilot?

57
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,516
So exciting!

58
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:44,642
Is it the one about the stripper
who's also the tooth fairy?

59
00:02:44,838 --> 00:02:47,580
That's such a fun idea.

60
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,692
It's so broad, but, like, honestly,

61
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,033
Middle America loves shitty
broad stuff,

62
00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,198
but, like, I love it.

63
00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,010
Are you stuck?

64
00:02:59,361 --> 00:03:01,314
Maybe I can help.

65
00:03:04,346 --> 00:03:06,973
Hey. I don't want your
help. You're a fucking dick.

66
00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:09,878
Is this about the whole "trying to sabotage
your relationship with Dan" thing?

67
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,551
Because, Cody, I'm so sorry.

68
00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:12,798
That was my bad.

69
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,496
I had so much internalized misogyny.

70
00:03:15,518 --> 00:03:16,622
Are you kidding?

71
00:03:16,642 --> 00:03:18,989
You're obviously just trying to
get me to take you out of the dumpster.

72
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:22,307
What? No. No, seriously,
I love it down here.

73
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,739
- I really do.
- Really?

74
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,252
Yeah. Cody, actually, I met someone.

75
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,924
His name's Harold. He's a piece of wood.

76
00:03:29,322 --> 00:03:30,432
What, babe?

77
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:34,194
Okay, yeah, he wants me to tell you
he identifies as lumber.

78
00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:36,363
He's so hot, Cody.

79
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:40,525
He has this knot that's-that's so sexy in,
like, a Joaquin Phoenix sort of like...

80
00:03:40,546 --> 00:03:41,784
- Barbara.
- What?

81
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,114
I'm so happy for both
of you. Congratulations.

82
00:03:44,135 --> 00:03:45,414
- I have to work.
- Wait!

83
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:46,825
I know why you're stuck!

84
00:03:46,846 --> 00:03:49,293
It's because you have
a passive protagonist.

85
00:03:49,556 --> 00:03:51,128
You know what I would do?

86
00:03:51,455 --> 00:03:52,921
Okay, so hear me out,

87
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,418
we start with, like,
a cross-cutty montage,

88
00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:57,700
the music kicks in, we're seeing stuff,

89
00:03:57,721 --> 00:04:00,484
images, but none of it really
matters, because guess what?

90
00:04:00,504 --> 00:04:01,680
Boom! We're in.

91
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,682
- We're fucking watching this show.
- Yeah.

92
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,184
Intense close-ups,

93
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:08,642
just, like, for no reason, but you're
just watching it, and you're in it.

94
00:04:08,663 --> 00:04:10,533
What if the guy has that
disease where, like...

95
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,900
Overlapping dialogue. They're
just talking over each other.

96
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,083
She's not passive, she's reactive.

97
00:04:15,103 --> 00:04:17,770
Making the audience think
something is happening, but really,

98
00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:19,941
nothing is happening, but
everything is happening.

99
00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:21,825
"You know I only take
baby teeth", but he's like,

100
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,413
"These are baby teeth",
you know, so it's like,

101
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:27,632
he has the disease, but it's also a metaphor
for his immaturity kind of, you know?

102
00:04:28,999 --> 00:04:31,710
I mean, if you think that's dumb,
or, like, if it feels forced...

103
00:04:32,326 --> 00:04:34,132
- Barbara?
- Cody!

104
00:04:37,213 --> 00:04:38,507
Barbara!

105
00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:47,536
Dan.

106
00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:53,524
I think I'm getting a
UTI and I just feel gross,

107
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,309
so I'm just gonna sleep at
my house. I love you. Bye.

108
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:03,867
Cody!

109
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,440
- Barbara!
- Cody... !

110
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:08,914
Stop!

111
00:05:09,596 --> 00:05:12,625
I'm sorry. Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop. Oh, my gosh.

112
00:05:12,776 --> 00:05:14,791
There's-there's been a mistake.
I didn't mean to throw her away.

113
00:05:14,812 --> 00:05:17,506
- Oh, my God, Cody, he was totally
gonna rape me. - What's up?

114
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,925
This sex doll, she's-she's mine.

115
00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:21,468
She got thrown away accidentally.

116
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,018
- I just, I just need her back.
- Why are you so out of breath?

117
00:05:24,039 --> 00:05:26,306
How do you accidentally
throw away a sex doll?

118
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:29,434
It-it was a mistake, sir.
People make mistakes, okay?

119
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,034
You were the one about to fuck
a used sex doll. Are you okay?

120
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:33,252
Excuse me?

121
00:05:33,846 --> 00:05:35,502
I was gonna recycle her.

122
00:05:35,682 --> 00:05:37,067
I'm not some pervert.

123
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,028
Okay, okay, well, I mean,

124
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,197
I-I don't think we necessarily
need to, like, cast judgments

125
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,699
on other people's sexuality, like...

126
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:45,242
Okay, Cody, you're making it worse.

127
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,286
Can I just, um, give
you some cash for her?

128
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,246
I don't do this work for the money.

129
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,419
I do it because I give a fuck
about the environment, man.

130
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,184
- Yeah, right.
- Oh, um, I'm sorry.

131
00:05:55,205 --> 00:05:56,948
- That's fair.
- Do you know how many dolphins

132
00:05:56,968 --> 00:05:59,838
die each year from
choking on used sex dolls?

133
00:06:00,315 --> 00:06:01,383
No.

134
00:06:01,534 --> 00:06:04,684
Me, neither. It's gonna be zero if
I have anything to say about it.

135
00:06:04,705 --> 00:06:06,889
- No, no, no, no! Don't let him take me!
- Okay, sir. No, hey, hey. I...

136
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:10,330
Please, I appreciate your position, and I
think what you're doing is very noble,

137
00:06:10,351 --> 00:06:13,052
and, you know,
it's like a service to the community.

138
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,021
Who cares?

139
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,522
Barbara, can you let me handle this?

140
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,107
I really need her back.

141
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:19,943
She's my writing partner.

142
00:06:27,292 --> 00:06:29,913
What even are all these water bottles?

143
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:34,875
I don't know, man, they're just, like,
accumulated from-from hikes and stuff.

144
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,085
From hikes? You don't hike.

145
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,629
Oh, this is plenty.

146
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:39,735
Here.

147
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,426
- Thank you.
- Bye.

148
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,053
Have such a great night,

149
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,235
and thank you so much for not raping me.

150
00:06:48,962 --> 00:06:51,642
Cody, thank you for saving me.

151
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,894
You're truly such a great friend.

152
00:06:53,923 --> 00:06:55,331
Okay, but

153
00:06:55,352 --> 00:06:58,032
just so we're clear, we're just
writing, that's the whole thing.

154
00:06:58,053 --> 00:06:59,958
Yeah, no, totally. 100%.

155
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:02,883
But, like, we're not
starting now, right?

156
00:07:03,313 --> 00:07:06,406
I don't know if you noticed, I just went
through a very traumatic experience,

157
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,283
and, like, I need a
second to decompress.

158
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,160
Okay. That's fine.

159
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,790
So where are we going? Are
we gonna go stay at your place?

160
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,003
Yeah, I guess, I mean, I
can't take you back in there.

161
00:07:17,024 --> 00:07:18,126
Oh, yeah.

162
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,755
Fuck Dan. He can eat my ass,
not in a hot way... I hate him.

163
00:07:22,954 --> 00:07:23,841
Okay.

164
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,300
- Let's go.
- Hey, so I told Harold

165
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,594
he could crash with us for a
few nights. I hope that's okay.

166
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,602
He's fighting with him mom.
He just needs a place to go

167
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:33,204
where he can, like, get his shit together
and get through this family stuff.

168
00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:52,828
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