1
00:00:02,757 --> 00:00:04,545
They want me back?

2
00:00:15,759 --> 00:00:17,983
_

3
00:00:25,101 --> 00:00:27,101
D'oh!

4
00:00:40,638 --> 00:00:42,845
_

5
00:00:43,819 --> 00:00:45,035
No one's here today.

6
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:46,379
Even the choir's late.

7
00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:49,206
? Michael, take the carpool lane ?

8
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:52,551
? Hallelujah ?

9
00:00:52,628 --> 00:00:55,721
? They just crossed the double line ?

10
00:00:55,798 --> 00:00:59,300
? Traffic school them. ?

11
00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:01,418
Yeah.

12
00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:02,601
Mom, with all the room,

13
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:05,291
do we have to sit so
close to the geezers?

14
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,708
- It's too hot.
- It's too cold.

15
00:01:07,743 --> 00:01:10,098
I'm not even alive.

16
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,364
What time does Joan Rivers come on?

17
00:01:12,399 --> 00:01:13,595
She doesn't.

18
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:16,280
This is a church,
and it's not your church.

19
00:01:16,315 --> 00:01:17,441
New Testament?

20
00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,528
Oy-yoi-yoi, when did this happen?

21
00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:23,198
Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio.

22
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,771
Peace be with you.

23
00:01:28,847 --> 00:01:30,514
And also with you.

24
00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,599
Oh, you can do better than that.

25
00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:34,943
We can, but we don't want to.

26
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:36,779
I can't hear you.

27
00:01:36,855 --> 00:01:38,855
You clearly can.

28
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,691
Lord, either make this interesting

29
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,276
or just rapture me now.

30
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,437
_

31
00:01:54,707 --> 00:01:56,373
Salt the ham water, boys.

32
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,251
Clancy Wiggum is meeting his quota.

33
00:01:59,762 --> 00:02:00,969
Hey! That's illegal.

34
00:02:01,046 --> 00:02:02,587
Oh, sorry. You know what?

35
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,256
Here. Have a quarter, Chief.

36
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:07,134
You think you can bribe me with a...?
Oh, my God!

37
00:02:07,144 --> 00:02:09,386
Those are the gentlest
eyes I've ever seen.

38
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,814
Linen shirt. Natural highlights.

39
00:02:11,890 --> 00:02:13,140
You want to hold my gun?

40
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,931
Y-You can.

41
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,152
Thanks. I was hoping
maybe you could point me

42
00:02:17,229 --> 00:02:18,654
- to the church in town.
- Church?

43
00:02:18,731 --> 00:02:20,989
Yeah, straight down this street.
First steeple you see.

44
00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:23,900
That is not it.
That's the Eiffel Tower strip club.

45
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,986
They have a French onion soup that is,

46
00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:27,612
uh, well, it's just okay.

47
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,666
And I guess

48
00:02:30,743 --> 00:02:32,167
that's about all.

49
00:02:37,464 --> 00:02:39,271
You shall bore me no more!

50
00:02:39,677 --> 00:02:40,901
You're going the wrong way!

51
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:43,086
No, I-I want to go this way. I love God.

52
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,839
If you love him so much,
why don't you marry him?

53
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:47,632
Penny. Button.

54
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,509
IOU for one penny.

55
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,969
Hi. Bode Wright.

56
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:53,013
Recovery meetings are downstairs.

57
00:02:53,023 --> 00:02:55,182
Booze to the right, huffers to the left.

58
00:02:55,192 --> 00:02:57,693
Sorry, I'm here about the ad.
On Christslist?

59
00:02:57,770 --> 00:02:59,770
About you guys needing a-a youth pastor?

60
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,354
I didn't place any ad.

61
00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:02,522
I placed the ad.

62
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:07,035
- I'm Bode.
- Bode. Nice cross.

63
00:03:07,112 --> 00:03:08,871
Tim's are chewed to nubs.

64
00:03:08,947 --> 00:03:11,707
I-I chew my crosses. Nervous habit.

65
00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:15,535
Do you have any experience, Bode?

66
00:03:15,546 --> 00:03:16,870
I used to work in Michigan.

67
00:03:16,881 --> 00:03:18,663
Had to use bottled holy water.

68
00:03:19,049 --> 00:03:20,499
Uh-huh. Education?

69
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,459
I, uh, have a master's in divinity

70
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,052
with a focus on biblical languages.

71
00:03:24,129 --> 00:03:26,004
- Greek, Hebrew...
- You're hired.

72
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,964
Up-bup-bup-bup-bup!
It doesn't work that fast.

73
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,468
We have I-9s and W-2s, collar fittings.

74
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,137
And, besides, I'm the one in charge.

75
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,807
In the end, isn't God in charge here?

76
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,851
Do you see Jimmy Buffett at
every Jimmy Buffett café?

77
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,603
I don't think so.

78
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,480
Hey, can I have this? Marge could use it

79
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,357
to serve me snacks
while I'm on the toilet.

80
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,075
- Oh, just take it.
- So, Bode,

81
00:03:47,152 --> 00:03:49,411
- do you have anywhere to stay?
- Not yet.

82
00:03:49,488 --> 00:03:51,288
I saw a motel by the tire fire.

83
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,994
- He'll stay with us.
- No way.

84
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,089
Uh, Reverend? The homeless are
here for their foot washing.

85
00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:05,260
I'm looking for a mani-pedi
and an eyebrow wax.

86
00:04:05,337 --> 00:04:07,763
I guess I could use a
little help around here.

87
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,589
Thank you. I won't let you down.

88
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,383
We don't hug here.

89
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,360
Mmm.

90
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:16,721
Uh, I'm here for the
Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

91
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:20,058
It's usually me, Lenny, Carl,
Bumblebee Man, Kent Brockman.

92
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,610
But don't tell anyone.

93
00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:22,894
Downstairs to the right.

94
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,272
Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot,

95
00:04:25,282 --> 00:04:28,942
and a man I'll identify as Disco S.

96
00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:32,287
Disco S is quite a mess.

97
00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:37,868
- _
- Hmm.

98
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,203
Oh, Marge, this is embarrassing.

99
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,630
We don't need counseling.

100
00:04:41,707 --> 00:04:43,206
We do need counseling.

101
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,958
I'm carrying a lot of anger.

102
00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:46,969
Just do what I do. Come home

103
00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:49,296
and have a hot dinner waiting for you.

104
00:04:50,193 --> 00:04:51,298
Well, let me just say

105
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:53,592
that I go into this
with no preconceptions.

106
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,136
Now, tell me, how is this Homer's fault?

107
00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:58,528
He sold our home without telling me.

108
00:04:59,585 --> 00:05:00,724
Helen, is he playing

109
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,317
with my damn trains?

110
00:05:02,394 --> 00:05:05,975
Excuse me. There's trouble
down at Lovejoy Junction.

111
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:07,188
So, we're good?

112
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,441
We're good if we get our house back.

113
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,276
Did you say houseboat?

114
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,904
House back. House back!

115
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:14,997
Oh.

116
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:26,750
Sorry, Reverend.
I'm trying to get some rest?

117
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,585
The 12:10 to Trenton doesn't stop

118
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,722
just because your fat
head's on the track.

119
00:05:36,605 --> 00:05:37,519
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

120
00:05:37,596 --> 00:05:39,012
- You gonna drop that?
- Not doing a thing.

121
00:05:39,023 --> 00:05:40,856
As a gag, you're gonna drop
a tiny log on my face?

122
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,474
- Nothing.
- As I'm sleeping? That's, that's-that's funny.

123
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,059
- Nothing. Nothing.
- Go ahead. Drop it.

124
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,410
- Drop a tiny log on me.
- Not doing a thing.

125
00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:46,519
Is that... Is that your plan?
You're gonna drop that?

126
00:05:46,530 --> 00:05:48,480
Look, we're both grown men here.

127
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,523
Now leave my choo choo alone.

128
00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:51,783
Gladly.

129
00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:53,793
Aah!

130
00:05:53,804 --> 00:05:56,321
Glad I finally got to use that.

131
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,031
Now, my sleepy, young friend,

132
00:05:58,042 --> 00:06:01,284
I don't know how you did things
back in "Michigan."

133
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,787
Air quotes are for when
something's not a real thing.

134
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,548
But in my parish,
we minister to our flock.

135
00:06:06,625 --> 00:06:08,708
And I'm not afraid to
say the hard things

136
00:06:08,719 --> 00:06:10,460
that need to be said.

137
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,887
"I" 27.

138
00:06:11,964 --> 00:06:13,546
- What?
- What did he say?

139
00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:16,299
We can't hear you.

140
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,283
"B" thr-three.

141
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,229
You know, I'd be happy
to yell out numbers for you.

142
00:06:21,306 --> 00:06:22,472
Help save your voice.

143
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:25,183
Bingo requires a firm,
experienced caller.

144
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,185
"G." "G" 48.

145
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,729
"N" for... "N" 43.

146
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,147
I got nothing.

147
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,693
I think I can handle it.

148
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,236
When I was in seminary school,

149
00:06:36,246 --> 00:06:38,071
I was the shouty guy on our rowing team.

150
00:06:38,082 --> 00:06:40,573
We weren't allowed to say "coxswain."

151
00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:43,418
Bingo is not for newbies.

152
00:06:43,495 --> 00:06:46,329
The letters sound very similar.

153
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,589
"B" 15.

154
00:06:47,666 --> 00:06:50,583
"B" as in Balthazar.

155
00:06:50,594 --> 00:06:52,252
Did he say Galthazar?

156
00:06:52,262 --> 00:06:53,878
Gingo!

157
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,089
Gingo take you to bathroom.

158
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,216
I don't want to go.

159
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,886
Hey, this no picnic for Gingo either.

160
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,513
Empty again.

161
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,849
And those two just
came here to make out.

162
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:13,440
If we do it in a church, I,
like, can't get pregnant.

163
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,876
Uh, good mor...

164
00:07:17,863 --> 00:07:18,954
Excuse me.

165
00:07:26,296 --> 00:07:27,912
Brothers and sisters,

166
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:32,292
Reverend Lovejoy is experiencing
some vocal difficulties.

167
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,129
Save your voice, Reverend.

168
00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:38,631
Now, we could cancel church.

169
00:07:43,814 --> 00:07:46,556
But God clearly foresaw this

170
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,483
and sent us a backup pastor

171
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:49,818
to finish the service.

172
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,730
Church will not be canceled.

173
00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:58,401
Now please help me welcome

174
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,496
our new youth minister Bode Wright.

175
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:05,784
Thanks. That's very meek.
Jesus would've loved it.

176
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,577
I was thinking,
while the reverend rests his voice,

177
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,662
maybe we could all sing a song.

178
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:11,498
Uh, Rev, if that's okay with you,
um, cough once.

179
00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,509
We did not establish
what two coughs means,

180
00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:16,419
so I'll take that to mean two yeses.

181
00:08:17,756 --> 00:08:19,422
Why don't we sing, I don't know,

182
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,924
"Amazing Grace"? You all know that one.

183
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,675
Or if you don't,
it's in your hymnal under

184
00:08:22,686 --> 00:08:25,637
"grace, comma, amazing."

185
00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:33,686
? Amazing grace, how sweet the sound ?

186
00:08:33,697 --> 00:08:37,699
? That saved a wretch like me ?

187
00:08:37,776 --> 00:08:40,535
? I once was lost but now I'm found ?

188
00:08:40,612 --> 00:08:44,322
? 'Twas blind, but now I see. ?

189
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,658
This is the most exciting
thing that ever happened

190
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,660
in a white church!

191
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,620
All these years of mediocre grace.

192
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,215
Finally, it's amazing.

193
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:55,375
This must've been what it was like

194
00:08:55,385 --> 00:08:57,385
at Jesus's concerts.

195
00:09:00,891 --> 00:09:02,891
Thank you. Now we'd, uh,

196
00:09:02,968 --> 00:09:04,759
we'd like to do a couple of new psalms.

197
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,732
- ? Hallelujah, hallelu ?
- ? Hallelujah ?

198
00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:13,726
? Hallelujah, hallelu ?

199
00:09:13,737 --> 00:09:14,794
? Hallelujah. ?

200
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,857
Something exciting's

201
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,483
happening at the church.

202
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,244
Let's check it out.

203
00:09:24,414 --> 00:09:27,157
All right, I think we get it.
Grace, it's amazing.

204
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,492
I know most of you usually
save your "hallelujahs"

205
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,585
for when church is over.

206
00:09:31,294 --> 00:09:33,538
I adore the informality.

207
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,582
But if it's okay,
I thought maybe I could just speak

208
00:09:35,592 --> 00:09:36,708
to you guys straight from my heart.

209
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,209
I don't have anything planned,

210
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,586
but I guess I should talk about God,
right?

211
00:09:39,596 --> 00:09:40,920
Church. Pastor.

212
00:09:40,931 --> 00:09:42,672
Makes sense I should talk about God.

213
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,549
But the truth is, I woke up this morning

214
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,384
and I wasn't really sure
if I believed in God.

215
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,761
No God?

216
00:09:48,772 --> 00:09:50,096
Fingers in your ears, boys.

217
00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:51,940
Till you can feel the brain.

218
00:09:52,017 --> 00:09:53,224
It's okay. Everything's fine.

219
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,517
I-I just woke up with some doubt.

220
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,444
Like many of you did, too, I'm sure.

221
00:09:56,521 --> 00:09:58,229
There's so much pain and
suffering in the world,

222
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,273
I wasn't sure anyone
was really out there.

223
00:10:00,284 --> 00:10:02,108
Watching us. On a cloud.

224
00:10:02,119 --> 00:10:03,359
That's how we think of God, right?

225
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,695
To many of us,
God is just an angry, old miser

226
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,372
with a killer surveillance system.

227
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,533
Everyone picks on the miser.

228
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,626
Shave faster or no tip!

229
00:10:11,703 --> 00:10:14,963
Oh, I shave-a faster, all right.

230
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,132
Hurry up. I'm going to a funeral.

231
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:20,752
Oh, you're going to a funeral,
all right.

232
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,879
Oh, this is taking too long.

233
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:26,257
I got to stop procrastinating.

234
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:27,809
Then I got quiet and thought about it.

235
00:10:27,886 --> 00:10:30,220
It hit me that maybe God
isn't up there, you know.

236
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,313
"Somewhere else."

237
00:10:31,389 --> 00:10:32,931
Maybe God's right here and now.

238
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:34,891
As close as the air on your skin.

239
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,985
For the first time ever,
I don't feel alone.

240
00:10:37,062 --> 00:10:38,645
Life is worth living.

241
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,813
Hey, forget that hit
I called on myself, huh?

242
00:10:40,824 --> 00:10:42,732
Yeah, well, I said too late.

243
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,943
Can't you just charge me a stalking fee?

244
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,494
Okay, 40%.

245
00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:48,738
And you can only cancel on the app.

246
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,615
All right, I-I'll just, uh...

247
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,125
My screen is frozen!

248
00:10:53,578 --> 00:10:55,662
Maybe God is just a word for a love

249
00:10:55,672 --> 00:10:57,664
that we create and remember together.

250
00:10:57,674 --> 00:10:59,916
A love that isn't mad
at us for our doubt

251
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,669
or angry at us because we're alcoholics.

252
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:08,591
Finally, recognized
for my accomplishments.

253
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,802
I think so many of us have
made a God that's like us,

254
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,136
instead of the other way around.

255
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,638
God loves diversity.

256
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,640
God didn't just make one type of flower.

257
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,684
He made thousands of
different flowers...

258
00:11:17,694 --> 00:11:19,269
roses, lilies, orchids...

259
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,979
and He made the weeds, too.

260
00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:23,266
But He loves all of
them indiscriminately.

261
00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:24,304
Just like the bees.

262
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:28,111
You have made this
bumblebee a humble bee.

263
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,372
Jesus said,
"Let the weeds grow with the wheat."

264
00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:32,031
That means it's all in the game.

265
00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:33,208
Go easy on yourself.

266
00:11:33,285 --> 00:11:34,993
You don't have to earn God's love.

267
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,661
You are God's love.

268
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,288
All right, that's it.

269
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,714
I know it's early,
but it's a beautiful day.

270
00:11:39,791 --> 00:11:41,040
Let's get out of here.

271
00:11:41,818 --> 00:11:43,051
Sorry, concert's over, dude.

272
00:11:43,128 --> 00:11:45,128
All that's left is the merch.

273
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,214
Bode! Bode! Bode!

274
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:51,509
Bode! Bode! Bode!

275
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,844
Three cheers for Reverend Lovejoy.

276
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,396
Stupid Flanders.

277
00:11:54,472 --> 00:11:56,414
Stupid Flanders!

278
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,066
Stupid Flanders!

279
00:11:58,101 --> 00:12:00,059
I love church.

280
00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:02,194
I won't be single in Heaven.

281
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,133
This was the best church ever.

282
00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:09,577
It was like some kind
of religious experience.

283
00:12:09,654 --> 00:12:11,487
Will you join us for pancakes?

284
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,747
Are those new vestments?

285
00:12:12,824 --> 00:12:14,365
They really bring out the piety.

286
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,159
You don't have to patronize me, Ned.

287
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:17,994
You're, y-you're right, I'm sorry.

288
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,921
Y-You did not do well today.

289
00:12:19,998 --> 00:12:22,271
Oh, go back to patronizing.

290
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,648
Maybe something about my shoes?

291
00:12:24,683 --> 00:12:28,263
Oh, look at those shoes,
tied so tight with loops so even.

292
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:30,840
Someone knows the bunny ear technique.

293
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,100
Helen tied them.

294
00:12:34,271 --> 00:12:36,179
Uh, Pastor, would you like to say grace?

295
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:37,555
Lord...

296
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,274
Oh, sorry,
I should have been more specific.

297
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:41,684
I meant the cool new
pastor everyone likes.

298
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,113
- You can sit down.
- You know, I think the food is good

299
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:46,199
without me saying it's good.

300
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,899
God made it good.

301
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,734
Don't get me wrong,
it's nice to be thankful, but

302
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,778
there's no need to make
everyone uncomfortable

303
00:12:51,788 --> 00:12:53,621
by praying in front of 'em, am I right?

304
00:12:53,698 --> 00:12:56,458
Nice speech, although longer than grace.

305
00:12:57,013 --> 00:12:58,701
Oh, no bacon for me.

306
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,427
I'm a vegetarian.

307
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,955
And, actually, a Buddhist.

308
00:13:02,966 --> 00:13:04,290
Great. I love Buddha.

309
00:13:04,301 --> 00:13:05,375
That's where I got my name.

310
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,584
The Bodhi Tree.

311
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:07,665
And I don't eat meat either.

312
00:13:07,712 --> 00:13:09,045
You're a vegetarian?

313
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,255
- What about evolution?
- Into it.

314
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:12,548
- Gay rights?
- Love is love.

315
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,975
- Dizzy or Bird?
- John Coltrane

316
00:13:14,052 --> 00:13:16,386
and Duke Ellington, 1962.

317
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,721
The only way to describe how perfect

318
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,775
that jazz answer is, is with jazz.

319
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,484
This brunch has turned into...

320
00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:33,528
a jazz brunch!

321
00:13:34,471 --> 00:13:35,785
I'm a believer.

322
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,615
That's great, Lisa,
but I actually don't think

323
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,575
faith comes down to what we believe.

324
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,411
Well,
you got to believe in this baloney.

325
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,162
That's how you get into Heaven.

326
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:45,581
Where maybe, just maybe, I could see

327
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,884
the mother that abandoned me again.

328
00:13:47,885 --> 00:13:49,285
_

329
00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:51,462
Yeah, sure, but I think together

330
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:54,090
we can bring Heaven here
while we're still alive.

331
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,300
There's a Chinese proverb
about Heaven and Hell.

332
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:59,011
They say Hell is a long table like this,
full of food,

333
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:02,181
but everybody's starving because
they have these long chopsticks,

334
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:04,767
like pool cues, and they can't
bring the food to their mouths.

335
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,311
This is the worst Year of the Ox ever.

336
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,648
But in the proverb, Heaven is
the exact same table, same food,

337
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:13,526
same long chopsticks,
but everybody's happy and fat

338
00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:15,111
because they're feeding each other.

339
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,704
Aw!

340
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:19,707
Wait, wait!
I can be cool, too... with humor.

341
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,868
Did you hear the one about
the Greek-Jewish wedding?

342
00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:23,494
They didn't know whether
to break the plates

343
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,787
or the glasses!

344
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,041
Yes, why don't you take
your cultural insensitivity

345
00:14:29,052 --> 00:14:31,836
back to the Spanish
Inquisition you came from?

346
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,129
I've lost them.

347
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,931
You never had us.

348
00:14:39,062 --> 00:14:41,729
Timothy, the church council
wants to thank you

349
00:14:41,806 --> 00:14:43,973
for your many years of...

350
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,224
Incompetence!

351
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,560
Knock his frock off.

352
00:14:47,571 --> 00:14:49,729
We like the new guy in his tight jeans.

353
00:14:49,739 --> 00:14:52,231
Do not resuscitate your career.

354
00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:54,150
What are you saying? You're firing me?

355
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,819
- Gingo.
- Please surrender your cross.

356
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,329
We don't want any trouble.

357
00:15:01,305 --> 00:15:02,584
Timothy.

358
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,256
Now the collar.

359
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:10,350
_

360
00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:12,927
And any water you turned into holy water

361
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:15,171
is once again regular water.

362
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,182
Nothing but tap.

363
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,017
Did you know Bode has
22,000 YouTube subscribers?

364
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,611
Our church could go viral.

365
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:32,104
Ugh. Close window.

366
00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:34,357
- You just subscribed.
- What? No.

367
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,733
Now you gave him a thumbs-up.

368
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:37,109
Stop telling me what I just did.

369
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,287
You just gave him an eggplant emoji.

370
00:15:39,364 --> 00:15:41,364
Well, at least
that can't be misconstrued.

371
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,949
Wait a minute.

372
00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:45,243
The Internet can help me.
Help me find something on him.

373
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,869
He's clean on Google.

374
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,454
I'll have to try Bing.

375
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:51,082
Sorry, I was asleep.

376
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,376
Do you really want to use us?

377
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:54,961
Yes.

378
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:56,963
Hmm. Nothing.

379
00:15:56,973 --> 00:15:58,473
But I'm not licked.

380
00:15:58,550 --> 00:16:00,299
Pack your bags, Helen.

381
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:02,352
We are going to Michigan.

382
00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:08,099
Reverend?
We're here for a little counseling?

383
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:09,600
Well, I'd be happy to.

384
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,653
But you're already with the
best counselor there is.

385
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,154
- Your partner.
- Wait.

386
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,322
But Marge always told me

387
00:16:14,399 --> 00:16:16,232
communication is bad for a marriage.

388
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,984
I said it was good.

389
00:16:17,994 --> 00:16:19,327
You said what was good?

390
00:16:19,404 --> 00:16:20,611
You just have to know what it's like

391
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,154
to be in each other's shoes.

392
00:16:22,165 --> 00:16:23,906
Literally. Put on each other's shoes.

393
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:24,991
Right now.

394
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,119
All right. They...

395
00:16:31,341 --> 00:16:33,082
Your shoes are so tight.

396
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,584
And you do so much work.

397
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,010
You're an angel.

398
00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:37,920
And your shoes are so heavy.

399
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,673
I never realized you
carried around so much.

400
00:16:40,684 --> 00:16:43,926
I'm starting to see the man
I fell in love with again.

401
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,261
Where? Where? I'll kill him!

402
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,627
- You.
- Oh.

403
00:16:47,662 --> 00:16:49,599
I must admit, this is amazing.

404
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:52,184
But what about the fact
that he sold our house?

405
00:16:52,195 --> 00:16:54,270
- Um, may I interject?
- Sure.

406
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,189
I've seen your house.
It'll never pass inspection.

407
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,191
- Are you sure?
- Piece of crap.

408
00:16:59,202 --> 00:17:02,662
Thank you, Reverend. Mmm, mmm.

409
00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,537
Lisa. What brings you here?

410
00:17:11,548 --> 00:17:14,165
Well, I thought it might be
fun if we meditate together.

411
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,542
Sure. Make yourself at om.

412
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:20,630
Wow! As meditation jokes go...

413
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:24,050
That's the only meditation
joke I've ever heard.

414
00:17:25,089 --> 00:17:27,511
Alexa, play Meditation Jam.

415
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,517
You know,
science calls it consciousness,

416
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,145
the mystics call it a soul,
but both are just words,

417
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,064
just labels, for whatever it is

418
00:17:38,074 --> 00:17:40,399
that's looking out your eyes right now.

419
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,069
Breathe, Lisa.

420
00:18:18,408 --> 00:18:19,473
_

421
00:18:23,299 --> 00:18:24,927
_

422
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,532
Saw the button, huh?

423
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:31,834
I did.

424
00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:33,835
_

425
00:18:33,936 --> 00:18:34,578
Tim,

426
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,464
we could go to Mackinac Island.

427
00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:38,916
They have the longest
hotel porch in the world.

428
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:42,136
It's always the big verandas with you,
isn't it, Helen?

429
00:18:42,213 --> 00:18:43,587
You've done something to this town

430
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,139
I never thought could happen.

431
00:18:45,216 --> 00:18:47,600
A full-blown religious revival.

432
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,138
Yeah, let these warm your insides

433
00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:55,641
as the words of St. Paul
warm your soul, there.

434
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,987
Dear Ephesians...
and I'm, of course, paraphrasing here...

435
00:19:00,064 --> 00:19:03,607
believe in Christ or I'll hit
your head with a baseball bat.

436
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,826
I'll frickin' do it.

437
00:19:04,902 --> 00:19:06,327
- Amen.
- Amen.

438
00:19:06,404 --> 00:19:08,654
Hey, I'm-I'm not trying
to change any minds.

439
00:19:08,665 --> 00:19:10,665
I'm just trying to start a conversation.

440
00:19:10,742 --> 00:19:13,835
We need that.
This town's like a snow globe.

441
00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:17,663
It doesn't look like much
till you shake it up a little.

442
00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:21,342
I want redemption or else, dude.

443
00:19:21,419 --> 00:19:22,835
Or else what?

444
00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:24,754
Or Rabbi Mankiewicz will, dude.

445
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,256
And I have trouble
making that "cch" sound.

446
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,851
It's either Chanukah or Hanukkah.

447
00:19:29,886 --> 00:19:31,427
Okay? Pick one of those.

448
00:19:33,313 --> 00:19:34,895
_

449
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,028
Teach a man to microfiche,

450
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:43,865
and you'll feed him dirt for a lifetime.

451
00:19:43,941 --> 00:19:47,660
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the me.

452
00:19:50,137 --> 00:19:52,540
We really should've
digitized that stuff.

453
00:19:54,329 --> 00:19:55,535
_

454
00:19:55,953 --> 00:19:59,589
Oh, I hope part two is about my rescue.

455
00:20:00,078 --> 00:20:02,102
_

456
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:13,511
Next week on
"Warrin' Priests Part Two..."

457
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,396
I hear there's a little dirt

458
00:20:15,473 --> 00:20:17,807
on the collar of a man
who used to preach here,

459
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,067
Bode Wright.

460
00:20:20,549 --> 00:20:23,404
You, sir,
have challenged me on scripture.

461
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:26,741
Oh, well,
if it's scripture you want to talk,

462
00:20:26,818 --> 00:20:28,576
then let us make a joyful noise

463
00:20:28,653 --> 00:20:30,861
- unto the Lord.
- Good.

464
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,364
Yarr, activism means nothing

465
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,866
if it's not intersectional. Yarr!

466
00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:39,203
Next week on The Simpsons.

467
00:21:19,994 --> 00:21:21,796
Shh!

468
00:21:24,365 --> 00:21:27,349
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com