1
00:00:00,490 --> 00:00:02,650
'Hello, Fran Fernandez?'

2
00:00:02,730 --> 00:00:04,130
Er, yes?

3
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:07,170
'This is Linda from
the Fraud Prevention Team.

4
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:10,050
We've noticed some suspicious
activity on your card.

5
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:12,010
As a precaution, Mrs Fernandez,

6
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,610
I'd like to go through
some of your recent purchases.

7
00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:16,090
Is this a good time?'

8
00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,170
Yeah, sure.

9
00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:22,290
'Did you purchase a couples spa
weekend at the Carinthia Hotel?'

10
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,970
That was probably my husband.
We share an account.

11
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:28,130
Sometimes he will make purchases
without my knowing.

12
00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:31,410
'Oh, I'm sorry. I've probably
ruined a nice surprise for you.'

13
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,850
Oh, God, don't worry.
He won't be taking ME.

14
00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:38,170
'OK. You're absolutely sure
it's your husband using the card?'

15
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,930
Yeah. Pretty sure.

16
00:00:40,010 --> 00:00:42,530
Linda, can I just check
the last transaction?

17
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,490
'Let's see. 03:35 AM,
I've got bottle service

18
00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:47,330
in a nightclub called
Snakes And Lads.'

19
00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:49,050
Oh, yes, that's definitely Joao.

20
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:51,130
It's his favourite gay bar.

21
00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:53,250
'It's for £2,600.'

22
00:00:55,650 --> 00:00:57,930
Gosh. Tha-That is...
That is a lot, isn't it?

23
00:00:58,010 --> 00:01:00,890
I will very much bring that up
with my husband when he gets home.

24
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,370
'You have a nice day now.'
Thanks so much, Linda.

25
00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:17,050
Stop trying to run away.

26
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:21,770
What?

27
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:24,610
Of course I'm trying
to bloody run away!

28
00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:28,530
Will you two please
quit cocking about?

29
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,290
You are making a huge mistake.

30
00:01:31,370 --> 00:01:32,970
When my people realise
I'm missing,

31
00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:36,570
they're gonna find you two clowns
and bury you in your own shit.

32
00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:37,810
Wait. You've got people?

33
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,370
I'm the head of
a wealth management firm

34
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:42,570
operating in over 100 countries.

35
00:01:42,650 --> 00:01:46,970
My house has four AGAs.
Of course I have fucking people!

36
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:51,250
Well, Mr K...
..also has people...

37
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:54,370
Us. If you pull that trigger,
your boss is gonna lose

38
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:57,650
a lot more than the few hundred
thousand quid I've skimmed.

39
00:02:01,690 --> 00:02:02,890
Hello?

40
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,050
Yeah, we've got her.
Let me speak to him. Put him on.

41
00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:08,370
She wants to talk to you.

42
00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:09,690
Christian?

43
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,410
Hi, good evening. How are you?

44
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:13,770
Listen, this has all been
terrific fun,

45
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:15,530
but er, here's the thing.

46
00:02:15,610 --> 00:02:17,730
I've been quietly putting
all your savings

47
00:02:17,810 --> 00:02:21,050
into a high-security bank account
that only I can access.

48
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:24,450
Think of it as an insurance policy.
Clever. I'd never think of that.

49
00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:27,930
Yeah, and that's why this suit cost
more than everything you two own.

50
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,570
I doubt it. Fran's got an Xbox.

51
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,610
Now, here's the really juicy part.

52
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,970
If I don't sign into
that account every six hours,

53
00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:36,010
it becomes permanently frozen.

54
00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,570
Bye-bye, savings.

55
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,330
Hello, Chicken Cottage.

56
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,290
It's a fast-food restaurant.

57
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,570
My stepson goes there
when he's on drugs.

58
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:47,410
The fact is, I last signed in,
let's see, around three hours ago,

59
00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:50,050
so you might want to let me go
sooner rather than later.

60
00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:51,290
OK?

61
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,650
Oh. He wants to speak to you.

62
00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:58,050
Get the password how?

63
00:02:58,130 --> 00:02:59,370
Torture her?

64
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:00,610
Erm...

65
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,450
..torture isn't really our thing.

66
00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,250
We just like a nice clean kill.

67
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:09,730
Tell him if he lets me go now,
I'll split the money 50-50.

68
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:23,770
Waterboarding?

69
00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:25,730
Oh, no, no way.

70
00:03:25,810 --> 00:03:27,250
Racking?

71
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:28,610
Riding the rail.

72
00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:30,450
The brazen bull?

73
00:03:31,330 --> 00:03:34,090
These torture techniques
look like tantric sex positions.

74
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,810
Fran, this is not our bag.
No.

75
00:03:35,890 --> 00:03:38,010
I mean, it's one thing
killing somebody but...

76
00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:40,290
popping their tips in a laminator,
I mean...

77
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,610
Listen! Your boss isn't an idiot.

78
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,770
He will take the deal,
and when he does,

79
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,170
if you've so much as
scuffed my Louboutins,

80
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:49,130
I'm gonna make sure
he has you killed,

81
00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:52,730
then resuscitated by a team
of very expensive Swiss surgeons

82
00:03:52,810 --> 00:03:54,810
and then killed again.

83
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,730
There's no way we're doing
any of that awful stuff.

84
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,370
We need to...
We need to think out of the box.

85
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:09,050
Mints. Extra Strong.

86
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:12,210
Pop three of these in her mouth
at once and...

87
00:04:12,290 --> 00:04:14,130
Not exactly Saw, is it?

88
00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:19,090
Oh, God, it's Joao.
Is he stealing from you again?

89
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:20,410
Jamie, it's not stealing.

90
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:23,210
He's simply taking my money
without permission.

91
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:26,330
He's been with you for six months?
Mm. He's got his visa now.

92
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:27,810
You could be out there,

93
00:04:27,890 --> 00:04:30,250
meeting someone
that means something to you.

94
00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:32,090
Fran...

95
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:35,050
Do you know, I can totally
see you getting it together

96
00:04:35,130 --> 00:04:37,490
with a Salma Hayek figure, yeah?

97
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:41,330
And she is not gonna steal money
from you, because she is loaded.

98
00:04:41,410 --> 00:04:44,970
Can I just say, I dated for years
and all I ever got was heartbreak...

99
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:47,210
and the occasional bout
of oral thrush.

100
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,090
Oi! Loose Women!

101
00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:52,970
Tick-fucking-tock!

102
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:54,890
Tell Mr K to take the deal!

103
00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:58,730
Fran, talking of oral thrush -

104
00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:00,730
I don't have time
to give her that now.

105
00:05:00,810 --> 00:05:03,010
No, why don't we seduce her

106
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:06,010
with a bit of S-and-M
hostage role-play?

107
00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:07,730
Now, I'm totally up for it,

108
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:10,650
but full disclosure,
I am on day four of these Spanx,

109
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:11,890
so...
Oh, God.

110
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:14,170
I don't know
who would be into that.

111
00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:17,410
What, you've never tried role-play
in the bedroom? Er...

112
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,290
sex is like life, Jamie.

113
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,490
You just want to rattle
through it quickly

114
00:05:21,570 --> 00:05:22,770
and then apologise.

115
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:26,010
Although, having said that...
..it doesn't always work.

116
00:05:27,210 --> 00:05:29,090
This guy I'm seeing at the moment.

117
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,810
There is nothing about Colin
I can get excited about.

118
00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:34,410
It's like having sex
with a piece of Shredded Wheat.

119
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:37,490
I've burned through most of
my role-play repertoire

120
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,170
trying to spice things up a bit -
you know, the French maid,

121
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,770
the naughty nurse,
the disgraced dentist.

122
00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:44,570
He's not into any of it.

123
00:05:44,650 --> 00:05:47,690
Trust me, this is a waste
of everyone's time!

124
00:05:47,770 --> 00:05:50,130
My personal trainer says
I have the pain threshold

125
00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:52,290
of someone in
a medically-induced coma!

126
00:05:52,370 --> 00:05:54,250
Right. Listen.

127
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:56,690
If we're gonna get that psycho
to break...

128
00:05:56,770 --> 00:05:58,410
we need to get in here.
Into your head.

129
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:01,930
Into HER head, Jamie.

130
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,930
Sounds intense.
It can be.

131
00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:06,610
Leave this to me.

132
00:06:07,770 --> 00:06:10,370
I don't want you to get caught
in the crossfire.

133
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,930
Come on. That's it.
Let it all out.

134
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:15,970
I'm...

135
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,250
The thing is,
it's really hard, you know,

136
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:23,770
because I really try and I try,
and I don't get anything back.

137
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,410
We're not properly married but -

138
00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:27,330
Fran, you need to wise up.

139
00:06:27,410 --> 00:06:30,090
Tell this Joao
what I told my mother last week.

140
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,290
If you can't pay your way,
you're on the streets.

141
00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:36,490
Oh. Sorry.

142
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,410
It's just it... Well, it's been...

143
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:41,490
It's been a while.
Just thought I'd check in.

144
00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:46,090
See how the...

145
00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:49,810
I've just been telling Fran here

146
00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:52,170
that she needs to be
more assertive with this...

147
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:54,570
excuse my French, fuck-wit Joao.

148
00:06:54,650 --> 00:06:56,610
He is walking all over her.

149
00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,410
Thank you!
Yeah.

150
00:06:58,490 --> 00:07:00,650
That's what I've been telling her.
Fran...

151
00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:03,370
she's right.
Joao is taking the piss.

152
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,450
Yeah, listen to your friend, Fran.

153
00:07:05,530 --> 00:07:08,170
Yeah. I... I will.
And you're... you're both right.

154
00:07:08,250 --> 00:07:10,850
I'm gonna go call him now
and tell him he now I feel.

155
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,090
Oh, good girl!

156
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:14,490
Thank you.

157
00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:21,010
Thank you again.

158
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:23,050
I'll tidy myself up
and speak to him.

159
00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,450
Right, you're gonna give me
the password.

160
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,290
Come on, then. What have you got?

161
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:32,650
Joao?

162
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:34,570
Joao, it's me.

163
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,210
Your sham wife?

164
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,410
Joao, turn the music down.

165
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,890
Turn the music down!

166
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,570
I don't care there's a foam party.

167
00:07:44,650 --> 00:07:47,210
Just please get them
out of the house.

168
00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:48,490
OK, listen.

169
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:52,250
I will shut down that joint account
unless you start contributing.

170
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,170
Contributing.

171
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:57,050
Con...
Oh, fuck, hang on, what is it?

172
00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:58,970
Con... Oh, hang on.

173
00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:01,570
Contribuir - that's it!

174
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:07,130
How are you er...
doing with those?

175
00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:11,490
Ready to talk? I've actually had
a bit of a sniffle coming on,

176
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:14,170
so it is helping to clear out
the old nasal passage.

177
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,050
I'm actually rubbish
at this torture stuff.

178
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,650
Jamie, don't do yourself down.

179
00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:22,050
I think you're the brains
of this outfit

180
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:23,810
Really?
Yes, it's so obvious.

181
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,490
Fran's out there,
yacking away to her husband

182
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,370
while you're in here
manning the ship.

183
00:08:29,450 --> 00:08:31,650
You're the one
who's really in charge.

184
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:35,050
And that's why I'm going
to give you the password.

185
00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,050
For what?

186
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,610
The bank account.

187
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:41,010
Wait, seriously?
Yes.

188
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:43,370
OK. Are you ready?

189
00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:46,210
The password is... two.

190
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,450
That's it, just two?

191
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,730
Yeah. Nice and simple
so I don't forget it.

192
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:55,610
Smart.

193
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,690
Are you gonna call your boss
and tell him?

194
00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,010
I actually...
I'm not allowed to call Mr K.

195
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:03,130
It's usually Fran -
Uh-oh-oh-oh, Jamie?

196
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,650
I thought we'd just agreed
that you're in charge?

197
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:09,450
Who's the one who's got
the password? The password?

198
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:12,090
To the bank account!
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

199
00:09:13,450 --> 00:09:15,530
Wait, what was it again?
Two! Two.

200
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:18,130
Two. Got it.

201
00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:22,530
Can you imagine how pleased
he'll be when you call and tell him?

202
00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:25,850
He'll probably give you
some kind of special reward.

203
00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:27,770
I don't know what you're into.

204
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,850
A... bicycle?

205
00:09:30,930 --> 00:09:34,090
Or a... button?

206
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,970
Hoo. Great news.

207
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,890
Joao has finally agreed
to pull his weight financially.

208
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:43,090
Great. Yep, he's planning
to set up a nightclub,

209
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,490
which, if my Portuguese
translation is correct,

210
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,450
I think he's gonna call
Cock-A-Hoop.

211
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,730
What are you doing?
Calling Mr K.

212
00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:53,370
Why? You're not supposed
to do that!

213
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,410
Hang on, I broke her.
I've got the password.

214
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:57,970
It's two.
What do you mean it's two?

215
00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,770
It's two? It's just two.
Can you believe it?

216
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,330
No, I can't believe it
because it's not just two.

217
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,210
She's playing... Give me that.

218
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,570
No! Just cos you're jealous.

219
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:08,810
Cos I'm manning the ship.
Rubbish!

220
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:11,770
Er, hello, Mr K?

221
00:10:11,850 --> 00:10:13,010
Yep, erm...

222
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:15,410
Well, we just wanted
to ring in and erm...

223
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,810
well, just see how you are, really.
How are you?

224
00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:20,170
And how's...

225
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,770
Right. Just shut the fuck up.

226
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:25,090
I will do that. And...

227
00:10:25,170 --> 00:10:27,010
Yeah, I'll get on with it now.

228
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:31,010
Yes, because my life depends on it.

229
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,050
Thank you for...
Lovely to catch up.

230
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,890
This is turning out to be
quite fun.

231
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,970
If we can't make her give us
the password in the next hour,

232
00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,650
we are both dead.

233
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:49,050
Mate, I promise you, I'm pushing
my brain to the absolute limit.

234
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:56,890
Who's that? Oh...
God, it's Colin.

235
00:10:58,490 --> 00:10:59,610
That's Colin?
Yep.

236
00:10:59,690 --> 00:11:01,170
Colin you've been seeing?
Yes.

237
00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:02,930
Mr Shredded Wheat?
Yep.

238
00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:05,690
God. You didn't tell me
he was coming.

239
00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:08,010
You also didn't tell me
he was so insanely hot.

240
00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,410
I dropped a pin,
and he's brought us some soup.

241
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:12,650
Erm... that's your boyfriend?

242
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:14,610
What escort agency is he with?

243
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:16,650
What does he think we do?

244
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:20,010
TV licence inspectors.
That's not even a thing anymore.

245
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:22,290
You might as well have said
we're chimney sweeps.

246
00:11:22,370 --> 00:11:25,170
What do you tell Joao?
He's never really asked.

247
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,570
Does Colin charge by the hour?

248
00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:28,370
Will you shut up?
Or I'll kill you.

249
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,810
You won't get the password.

250
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,210
Fine. I'll wee in a bath every day
and drown you in it.

251
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:34,730
I've got a client who'd pay
a lot of money for that.

252
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,970
The soup is gonna be cold.

253
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:38,850
So let's deal with this.

254
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:41,130
Hey, babe.
Hi.

255
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:46,330
Sorry I'm late. The orphanage
is really understaffed the moment,

256
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,810
so it was tough to get away.
Whatever.

257
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:50,730
You must be Fran.
Hi.

258
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:53,330
Did you say you worked...
in an orphanage?

259
00:11:53,410 --> 00:11:54,850
Volunteer.

260
00:11:54,930 --> 00:11:56,650
My day job is swimwear modelling,

261
00:11:56,730 --> 00:11:58,770
but that's just
to put bread on the table.

262
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:02,130
My true passion has always been
my work with disadvantaged kids.

263
00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:04,010
Do you do couples?

264
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,090
Who's that?
TV licence dodger.

265
00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:07,810
You put them in the van with you?

266
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,770
Well, it's the only way
those cheating bastards will learn.

267
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:12,130
Yes.

268
00:12:12,210 --> 00:12:13,730
Thank you.
No worries.

269
00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:15,170
It was worth it just to see you.

270
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:17,130
Listen, Jamie...

271
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,530
Now what? I was thinking a lot
about, you know, the other night.

272
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,450
I can get into
the naughty nurse thing,

273
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:25,130
as long as we make it clear

274
00:12:25,210 --> 00:12:27,410
that I'm only naughty
in my own time.

275
00:12:29,050 --> 00:12:30,370
What about the croutons?

276
00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:33,130
Just leave them outside. Cheers.

277
00:12:35,010 --> 00:12:37,370
You know,
I usually use Omega Escorts,

278
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:40,570
but the last one they sent me
was such a let-down.

279
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:42,610
Six-foot seven,
completely hairless

280
00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:44,210
and hung like
a frightened lab rat.

281
00:12:44,770 --> 00:12:47,090
God, he's such a dork.

282
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:53,250
That's it. Off you fuck.

283
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,970
Vegetable soup!

284
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,490
Classic Colin.

285
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,730
If you're not going to eat it,
can I have some?

286
00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:02,010
Sure.

287
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:03,690
Whoa! Whoa, there.

288
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:06,290
If she's that hungry,
we can maybe use it to break her.

289
00:13:07,410 --> 00:13:10,290
I'm not gonna get so hungry
in the next two hours

290
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:13,850
that I give up millions of pounds.
I'm not a cartoon bear!

291
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:15,050
All right, fine.

292
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,370
It's quite nice, actually.

293
00:13:25,370 --> 00:13:27,610
God. What a fuck-up.
I know, right?

294
00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:30,410
Vegetable soup. He is such a tit.

295
00:13:30,490 --> 00:13:32,490
No... Oh, forget it.

296
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:35,410
Hang on, what's in that?

297
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:40,250
Ooh, er... onions...
celery, soy sauce -

298
00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:41,770
Soy sauce?

299
00:13:41,850 --> 00:13:44,010
Shitting hell!
I am seriously allergic to soy!

300
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,570
You have to get me to a hospital.

301
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,370
Oh, nice try.
No, I'm not fucking around!

302
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:50,330
Bullshit!

303
00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:55,170
Oh, God! Stay with us,

304
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,250
you horrid, fancy cow!

305
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,730
Oh, God, she's passing out!
No, we need to keep alive

306
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:01,410
until she gives us the password.

307
00:14:02,890 --> 00:14:05,450
What do you do with
allergic reactions? I don't know.

308
00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:06,970
How about a YouTube tutorial?

309
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,130
That's a great idea. Look it up.

310
00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:10,570
Breathe. Breathe.

311
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,410
First aid.
Yeah.

312
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,010
Allergic reaction. Great!

313
00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:16,370
'I know what you're thinking...'
Skip the ad!

314
00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:18,850
How do I skip it?
"Skip ad"! Four seconds.

315
00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:21,930
Bottom right!
There's no skip... Got it!

316
00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:26,250
'Hello, and welcome
to Emergency Room For You.'

317
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:28,570
'In this three-hour tutorial...'

318
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,890
For fuck sake!
Maybe we should take her to hospital.

319
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:35,370
No, it's too risky.
Who else is gonna help us with this?

320
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,050
'..dairy, shellfish...'

321
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:38,290
No!

322
00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:40,890
I am not calling Liz and Charles.
Do we have a choice?

323
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:46,770
Calling Mr K's A-team
to mop up your mess again?

324
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,010
So pathetic.

325
00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:51,050
Setting up all this shit just so
you have an excuse to see me.

326
00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:53,410
In my dreams. Er, your dreams.

327
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:55,730
There we go.
She should be absolutely fine.

328
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,210
You skip lunch?

329
00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:01,810
Cos you got some hungry eyes, girl.

330
00:15:04,930 --> 00:15:06,730
Thanks, Charles. You're a lifesaver.

331
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:08,530
Oh, no, honestly,
it's been an honour.

332
00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:12,090
It's been really lovely to flex
the old medical muscles again.

333
00:15:12,170 --> 00:15:14,930
Reminds me of my time when I was
an Army nurse in Helmand.

334
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,050
Good times. Can't go back.

335
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:19,130
Literally.
We left it in an absolute mess.

336
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,730
Come on, Charles!
We got better things to do than...

337
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:23,490
bail out these assholes.

338
00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:25,930
Well, if Mr K loses all his money,
you'll be out of job.

339
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,650
Anyway, why are you all
dressed up in that sexy outfit?

340
00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:31,250
I mean, not that I find it sexy.
Not my bag at all.

341
00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,130
Don't like it.
Can't look at it. Urgh.

342
00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:34,770
We're infiltrating a sex party.

343
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,170
Billionaire Russian pervs.

344
00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:37,770
Why don't we get jobs like that?

345
00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:39,530
Yeah, well, no offence,

346
00:15:39,610 --> 00:15:43,010
but you're less high-end sex party,
more Warhammer convention.

347
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:47,010
Righty-ho, keep her off
anything soy-based.

348
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:49,010
She was very lucky this time.

349
00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:52,970
Charles, we couldn't borrow
that stuff, could we?

350
00:15:53,050 --> 00:15:54,690
Yeah, sure. Why not?

351
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:56,570
Thanks.

352
00:15:56,650 --> 00:15:59,170
Charles, are they really gonna
let you in wearing that?

353
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,050
Me? Oh, I'm actually not going in.

354
00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:03,130
I'm gonna be in the car park.
Liz's orders.

355
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:04,570
So why are you wearing that?

356
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:08,770
Just feels nice.
Fuck sake, Charles! Let's go!

357
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:11,290
OK.

358
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,530
Why did you keep talking
to those idiots?

359
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:15,850
I was boiling in there
with his goddamn thing on.

360
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:18,570
My body's slicker than
a fucking sea otter right now!

361
00:16:18,650 --> 00:16:20,130
Other side.

362
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,970
Give us the password.

363
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:23,810
No.

364
00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:26,210
All right.
Jamie, what have we got?

365
00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:29,330
Ooh, I've got tofu,
edamame beans,

366
00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,290
miso dressing -
Taste The Difference.

367
00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:34,090
Flumps, some teriyaki
- Sorry, Flumps?

368
00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:35,690
Do they have soy in them?
No.

369
00:16:35,770 --> 00:16:37,010
Sorry, I got those for me.

370
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:40,090
You can't kill me.
We both know you're bluffing.

371
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:43,090
You're right, I can't kill you,
but what I can do...

372
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,850
is just take you
to the very brink...

373
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:49,370
again and again and again,
and then just bring you back.

374
00:16:49,450 --> 00:16:54,450
Anyway, Jamie, I think I'd like
to start with the salmon teriyaki,

375
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:55,890
please.

376
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:59,530
Shouldn't we start small?
Oh, I'm done fucking around.

377
00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:01,970
Let us commence.

378
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,170
Mmm.

379
00:17:08,690 --> 00:17:11,770
Oh, fine, fine, fine!

380
00:17:11,850 --> 00:17:13,770
I'll give you the password.

381
00:17:15,290 --> 00:17:18,330
It's encrypted so you need
to take to my office.

382
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,090
Now get that sushi out of my face!

383
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:30,090
How long's this gonna take?

384
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:32,170
I'm going as fast as I can.

385
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,250
There's a very complex
security system.

386
00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:35,850
This isn't Pigeon Canyon.

387
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:39,610
What's Pigeon Canyon?
It's an online game for children.

388
00:17:39,690 --> 00:17:41,130
My stepson got kicked off it

389
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,090
for using it as a platform
to sell Ecstasy.

390
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:45,370
Oh, is this him?
Please don't touch that.

391
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:47,770
It's very precious.
See? You love him really.

392
00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:50,050
No, I loathe him
but the frame is a Lalique.

393
00:17:52,850 --> 00:17:54,690
Oh, God, it's Joao.

394
00:17:54,770 --> 00:17:56,930
"My heart is chock-a-block
with sorry."

395
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,250
He's using some rubbish
new translation app.

396
00:17:59,330 --> 00:18:01,810
Erm,
"Cock-A-Hoop is a no-go-go-go,

397
00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:04,290
but I will promise
I will find wet assets."

398
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:06,570
I presume he means "liquid".
There's a...

399
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,250
Hang on, there's a link to a page.

400
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:09,970
See? He's not all bad.

401
00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:13,570
Mate, I was too quick to judge him.
It's an eBay page. Hang on.

402
00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:15,490
What...?

403
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:17,650
Hang on,
he's selling all my stuff online.

404
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,610
Look, those are my shoes.

405
00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:21,770
My laptop's selling for a tenner.

406
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:24,290
You are not bidding
on my laptop, Jamie.

407
00:18:27,530 --> 00:18:29,130
Who the fuck is that?

408
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:33,450
Oh! The cavalry's here.
Told you I had people!

409
00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,010
Get down. Get down.

410
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,170
Where's your gun?
It's in the van.

411
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,530
Well, why would you do that?

412
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:51,050
This was our weapon of choice.
Oh, don't be ridic-

413
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,930
No!

414
00:19:00,170 --> 00:19:01,610
I'm over he-

415
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,650
Ow! You bit me, you bitch!

416
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,770
Is that teriyaki on your hand?

417
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:12,970
Gimme the injection!

418
00:19:13,050 --> 00:19:14,210
Yeah?

419
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:15,970
Oi!

420
00:19:18,130 --> 00:19:21,490
What are you doing, Brian?
You nearly bloody killed me!

421
00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:24,090
Fran, get the gun!
What do you think I'm trying to do?

422
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:34,370
Oh, fuck.

423
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,330
Come here!

424
00:19:40,410 --> 00:19:42,930
Shit!
Oh, fuck!

425
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,930
Well, your cavalry's dead.

426
00:20:06,370 --> 00:20:08,690
Help me. Please.

427
00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:11,690
Only if you give us what we need.
You'll just kill me.

428
00:20:11,770 --> 00:20:13,730
You're gonna die anyway.

429
00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,210
If you give us the password,

430
00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:17,650
there's a small chance
Mr K might let you live.

431
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,530
Yep.

432
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,330
She's doing it now.

433
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,410
It's gone.

434
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:35,090
Have you got it?

435
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,050
Great.

436
00:20:38,490 --> 00:20:40,930
OK, what do you want us
to do with her?

437
00:20:43,850 --> 00:20:45,370
OK.

438
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:49,170
No, hang on. You said -

439
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,490
I did say it was
a very small chance.

440
00:20:51,570 --> 00:20:53,490
No, no, no, no, no!
Yes!

441
00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:54,810
What?

442
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,570
You've just bought my laptop,
haven't you?

443
00:20:57,650 --> 00:20:58,930
Mate, it was real bargain.

444
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:08,450
I'm thinking I'm finally ready to
have a baby, Fran.

445
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,210
It's fresh... Why did you just lick
that poo? I don't know.

446
00:21:29,610 --> 00:21:31,409
Why have you got an egg on your
head?

447
00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:34,010
It's a responsibility exercise, I'm
thinking of having a kid.

448
00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:40,250
Any funny business...

449
00:21:41,890 --> 00:21:43,810
Right.