1 00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:20,595 OK! 2 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,378 - Look, stop struggling. - We've got you, come on. 3 00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:28,379 - What were you thinking? - I do not know! OK? I panicked. 4 00:00:28,504 --> 00:00:31,302 People do weird things when they've got a gun in their face. 5 00:00:31,327 --> 00:00:32,766 Ssh! Keep your voice down. 6 00:00:32,817 --> 00:00:34,584 Help! They're trying to kill me! 7 00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:37,058 I don't think I can hold him for much longer. 8 00:00:37,077 --> 00:00:39,746 - Help! - Look, Nick, we're just trying to do our job. 9 00:00:39,747 --> 00:00:40,959 Why don't we pull you up, 10 00:00:40,985 --> 00:00:43,086 and then we'll kill you in a civilised manner? 11 00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:45,144 - Somebody please! - Oh, God! 12 00:00:45,163 --> 00:00:47,404 If we let go of you, you're gonna die anyway. 13 00:00:47,429 --> 00:00:50,187 All right. OK. You win. 14 00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:53,585 But I will need a head-start when we get up there. 15 00:00:54,416 --> 00:00:56,367 - All right, five seconds. - Ten? 16 00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:58,147 Oh, God! Er... 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:00:59,782 All right, ten seconds. 18 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:01,580 - Jamie, time it. - Great. 19 00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:03,506 Jamie, Jamie, no! 20 00:01:03,550 --> 00:01:05,551 Oh! Oh, shit! 21 00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:06,984 Shitting hell! 22 00:01:18,143 --> 00:01:19,966 Do you still need me to... 23 00:01:19,991 --> 00:01:21,663 I think that ship might've sailed, mate. 24 00:01:29,868 --> 00:01:31,837 ... and as you know, if I get less than six hours, 25 00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:33,554 God, I mean, the fluid, it just... 26 00:01:33,599 --> 00:01:35,730 - Matey, for the last time... - And I swell. 27 00:01:35,756 --> 00:01:39,007 ... you haven't got eye bags. They're pert little sacks. 28 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:41,304 Who wants pert little sacks hanging off their face? 29 00:01:41,743 --> 00:01:43,203 It's Joao, to be honest. 30 00:01:43,258 --> 00:01:44,778 He can't get to sleep without the sound 31 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:47,292 of the Amazon rainforest at full pelt. 32 00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:49,559 Aw, man, that is not ideal. 33 00:01:49,615 --> 00:01:51,241 When I agreed to marry him, I thought, "Ooh, look, 34 00:01:51,246 --> 00:01:54,306 there's a lovely gay man I met at Pride who wants a visa." 35 00:01:54,431 --> 00:01:55,629 I didn't think that six months later, 36 00:01:55,639 --> 00:01:58,073 I'd be kept awake by howler monkeys in heat. 37 00:01:58,098 --> 00:01:59,764 Last thing you want on your special day. 38 00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:02,369 No, to be honest, I didn't feel much like celebrating anyway. 39 00:02:02,405 --> 00:02:05,203 - Happy birthday, by the way. - Shut up in the back. 40 00:02:06,132 --> 00:02:07,970 I've already bought everything 41 00:02:07,985 --> 00:02:10,309 for the big birthday dinner at mine tonight. 42 00:02:10,536 --> 00:02:12,263 And it was supposed to be a surprise, 43 00:02:12,273 --> 00:02:14,939 - but now, obviously, I've... - That's so lovely. 44 00:02:14,965 --> 00:02:16,914 That's sweet of you. Who's coming? 45 00:02:16,954 --> 00:02:18,368 - Oh, all the best ones. - Mm? 46 00:02:18,373 --> 00:02:20,272 - Er, we're talking you... - Mm. 47 00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:21,499 ... me... 48 00:02:24,105 --> 00:02:25,465 - What, that's it, just us? - Yep. 49 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:27,293 - Just us? - And a takeaway? 50 00:02:27,328 --> 00:02:28,995 That's like every Friday night. 51 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,328 - That's not a surprise. - Well, I called round, 52 00:02:31,389 --> 00:02:33,969 and everyone who picked up said they were busy. 53 00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:37,421 - Even Joao. - Jamie, I've told you, the Brazilians... 54 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,060 they're a quiet, reserved people. 55 00:02:40,185 --> 00:02:41,244 You know, they don't... 56 00:02:41,279 --> 00:02:43,344 have a big party culture out there. 57 00:02:44,071 --> 00:02:46,308 You must have asked other people. What about Patrick? 58 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:49,085 Oh! Yeah, Patrick said yes. 59 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:51,423 - Oh, great. - Then I told him it was your birthday dinner, 60 00:02:51,433 --> 00:02:54,437 and he suddenly remembered he had to go to his mum's funeral. 61 00:02:54,562 --> 00:02:56,311 She died six years ago. 62 00:02:56,912 --> 00:02:58,905 And they're only burying her now? 63 00:02:58,985 --> 00:03:00,472 No, Jamie, it's an excuse. 64 00:03:00,487 --> 00:03:02,462 I can't believe that no-one else is coming. 65 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,336 Do you think it's something to do 66 00:03:04,356 --> 00:03:06,512 with what happened at your birthday last year? 67 00:03:06,568 --> 00:03:09,638 It was a mistake to go straight from that job to the karaoke club. 68 00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:12,617 In my defence, I had no idea that place was lit with UV lighting, 69 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:16,105 and if I had... well, I would have changed my clothes after the hit. 70 00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:17,569 I mean, how did they know it was blood? 71 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,352 - Could've been urine. - Or semen. 72 00:03:21,584 --> 00:03:24,740 Can I just say, it definitively was not semen. 73 00:03:25,897 --> 00:03:28,734 - But I had a whole day planned. - Well, I'm sorry. 74 00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,401 This muppet decided to wear a wire to Mr K's meeting, 75 00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,335 so now we've got to deal with him. 76 00:03:34,411 --> 00:03:37,581 We've already sat here for hours waiting for Mr K to call. 77 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,889 You don't want to waste your precious birthday, Fran, 78 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,767 waiting to... you know... 79 00:03:42,782 --> 00:03:44,524 I can hear everything. 80 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,751 K-I-L-L him. 81 00:03:46,776 --> 00:03:47,867 Yeah, and I can spell. 82 00:03:47,897 --> 00:03:50,104 It's kind of a requirement of getting a law degree. 83 00:03:50,169 --> 00:03:51,487 I didn't have any choice. 84 00:03:51,502 --> 00:03:54,127 It was either wear a wire or do 25 years! 85 00:03:54,158 --> 00:03:56,105 Yeah, whatever, pal. Mr K said... 86 00:03:56,318 --> 00:03:59,231 we sit and we wait, and that's what we're gonna do. 87 00:03:59,265 --> 00:04:01,025 So why don't we do the birthday here? 88 00:04:01,105 --> 00:04:04,004 - Because that would be super weird. - Oh, go on. 89 00:04:04,024 --> 00:04:06,761 Now the adrenaline's worn off, I'm actually pretty bored. 90 00:04:06,816 --> 00:04:09,465 - Nobody asked you. - Let's put this to the vote. 91 00:04:09,545 --> 00:04:13,906 Those in favour of celebrating Fran's birthday within the van, 92 00:04:13,926 --> 00:04:15,314 raise your hand. 93 00:04:16,491 --> 00:04:20,187 Well, if I could raise my hand, I would. I love birthdays. 94 00:04:20,225 --> 00:04:22,398 - Well, you don't get a vote. - It's two to one. 95 00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:25,090 We are celebrating! 96 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,305 Whoo-hoo! 97 00:04:39,142 --> 00:04:42,238 - Hello? - Oh, hi! Er, Keith? 98 00:04:42,363 --> 00:04:43,621 Yeah? 99 00:04:44,202 --> 00:04:46,928 It's Fran. 100 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,791 That was my good ear. It's Fran. 101 00:04:48,842 --> 00:04:51,826 - Oh, hey, Fran. - It's my birthday today. 102 00:04:56,288 --> 00:04:58,010 OK, and erm... 103 00:04:58,030 --> 00:05:01,085 I was just having some people round tonight. 104 00:05:03,393 --> 00:05:04,590 Keith? 105 00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:06,933 Keith? 106 00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:16,194 Next customer, please. 107 00:05:16,745 --> 00:05:18,992 Hello. Erm, how you doing, mate? 108 00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:24,233 Can I, er, have a birthday McFlurry for my best friend, please? 109 00:05:24,259 --> 00:05:26,025 Birthday isn't a flavour. 110 00:05:26,105 --> 00:05:28,793 OK, two Smarties, please. What do you want? 111 00:05:28,803 --> 00:05:30,495 - Don't ask him. - Why not? 112 00:05:30,525 --> 00:05:32,994 We don't have to feed him, just take care of him until Mr K calls. 113 00:05:33,009 --> 00:05:35,989 - After Eight, please. - Do you do After Eight? 114 00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:38,105 No, that promotion ended months ago. 115 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,246 OK, they don't have After Eight. 116 00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:43,223 - What? - Yeah, it was a promotion. It's ended. 117 00:05:44,294 --> 00:05:45,768 - Ask again. - No, don't. 118 00:05:45,783 --> 00:05:47,959 - Go... - Are you sure about the After Eights? 119 00:05:47,974 --> 00:05:49,939 Listen, mate, you're not hearing me. 120 00:05:49,969 --> 00:05:52,388 I can't make you an After Eight McFlurry 121 00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:55,196 if I literally don't have the After Eight stuff. 122 00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:58,786 Could you try improvising? 123 00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:01,180 - I haven't got it! - Well, all right. 124 00:06:01,256 --> 00:06:02,785 Keep your hair on. 125 00:06:03,775 --> 00:06:05,908 I think we've had a definitive answer 126 00:06:05,909 --> 00:06:07,148 on the chocolate and the mint. 127 00:06:07,178 --> 00:06:09,218 I love you dearly, it was quite close proximity. 128 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,980 - Sorry. - Did you have lasagne? 129 00:06:11,006 --> 00:06:13,580 - I did, yeah. - Wow, that's still very much in the mix. 130 00:06:21,416 --> 00:06:24,915 I can't believe you actually made him an After Eight McFlurry. 131 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:27,561 Well, we have to do something while we wait for Mr K's call. 132 00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:29,581 You have arrived at your destination. 133 00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:31,540 - Do you want some more? - Yeah. 134 00:06:32,615 --> 00:06:34,741 Can you taste After Eight? 135 00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,505 - Who's that? - I don't know. 136 00:06:43,243 --> 00:06:46,005 - Hi. - Hello. Erm, are you Fran? 137 00:06:46,341 --> 00:06:47,669 Who's asking? 138 00:06:47,937 --> 00:06:49,624 The Human Spider. 139 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,100 - Right. - Are you the stripper I ordered? 140 00:06:53,118 --> 00:06:54,381 Did you order a stripper? 141 00:06:54,411 --> 00:06:56,694 Erm, no, the Human Spider. 142 00:06:56,729 --> 00:06:59,148 The agency said you needed me for a birthday party? 143 00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:01,728 Well, there must have been a mix-up. I thought I'd ordered a stripper. 144 00:07:01,745 --> 00:07:03,265 Oh, well, they do those as well, you know, 145 00:07:03,345 --> 00:07:05,849 strippers, gorilla-grams, magicians, freaks, whatever, 146 00:07:05,879 --> 00:07:08,732 - I just go where I'm told, really. - Great, well, I'm telling you to just piss off. 147 00:07:08,777 --> 00:07:10,246 Well, hang on, he's here. 148 00:07:10,371 --> 00:07:12,794 - You love animals. - Yeah, I do, I love animals. 149 00:07:12,795 --> 00:07:14,940 I love cats and dogs and donkeys. 150 00:07:14,957 --> 00:07:17,376 I'm just not that into grown men dressed as Spider-Man. 151 00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:20,400 No, not Spider-Man. Every time! 152 00:07:20,450 --> 00:07:22,970 The Human Spider, there's a big difference, pal. 153 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:25,116 - Do you wanna pop round? - Yeah, sure. 154 00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:26,545 Jamie, what... ? 155 00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:30,529 Right. 156 00:07:30,654 --> 00:07:32,705 - Get out. - OK. OK. 157 00:07:35,417 --> 00:07:37,790 Have you got someone from the agency already? 158 00:07:37,866 --> 00:07:39,921 - I'm not from the agency. - Sorry. 159 00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:42,145 Your agency has a guy with a bag over his head? 160 00:07:42,225 --> 00:07:43,683 Who orders him? 161 00:07:43,759 --> 00:07:45,708 Finally! Somebody said... 162 00:07:45,743 --> 00:07:47,455 I agree... He makes, like, 163 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,661 ten times more than me, as well. I just can't understand it. 164 00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:53,726 So who's this guy? 165 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,065 I'm er... 166 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,135 Er, I'm an old friend. 167 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:02,579 But I don't get to see these guys very often because I'm always... 168 00:08:03,144 --> 00:08:05,487 tied up in court. 169 00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:07,598 In fact, I should be there now. 170 00:08:07,992 --> 00:08:10,749 And when my clients realise that I'm not coming, 171 00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:13,127 they're gonna kill me. 172 00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,107 They're gonna kill me, mate! 173 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,867 I didn't ask for your life story, mate. 174 00:08:22,721 --> 00:08:25,397 Right, er, let's get started. Where do you want me? 175 00:08:25,453 --> 00:08:27,720 - What do you do? - Oh! I'm a writer. 176 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,285 But you know, just sending stuff out, 177 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,905 trying to remain positive. 178 00:08:30,985 --> 00:08:33,225 She meant as the man-spider. 179 00:08:33,673 --> 00:08:35,334 Oh. Right, sorry. 180 00:08:35,354 --> 00:08:37,878 Right, well, it in that case... 181 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,095 Erm... 182 00:08:39,575 --> 00:08:42,705 forget everything you think you know about the Human Spider 183 00:08:42,785 --> 00:08:45,865 and set your minds to "blown". 184 00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:49,663 Sorry. Hang on. 185 00:08:55,071 --> 00:08:57,878 ? ... close to mine and I know my love ? 186 00:08:58,045 --> 00:09:00,969 ? It's about that time, makes me feel ? 187 00:09:01,094 --> 00:09:02,736 ? Mighty real ? 188 00:09:02,903 --> 00:09:04,625 ? Makes me feel ? 189 00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,680 ? Might real ? 190 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:10,199 ? You make me feel ? 191 00:09:10,678 --> 00:09:13,778 ? Mighty real ? 192 00:09:14,213 --> 00:09:17,172 ? You make me feel ? 193 00:09:17,865 --> 00:09:20,536 ? Mighty real ? 194 00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:22,825 ? Well you've got me ? 195 00:09:22,843 --> 00:09:25,373 - I didn't expect to be moved but... - Whoo! Oh! 196 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,559 I didn't... I didn't think I was gonna have it in me today but... 197 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,629 when that bass kicks in, man! 198 00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:32,148 I feel like I can do anything. 199 00:09:32,194 --> 00:09:36,168 You could've sung Happy Birthday, but that was... powerful. 200 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:39,304 Bit rude. Not to clap. 201 00:09:39,470 --> 00:09:42,405 - You could at least... - Firstly, I can't see anything, 202 00:09:42,430 --> 00:09:45,727 and secondly, I can't clap, my hands are tied! 203 00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:47,505 Sorry, what is going on? 204 00:09:53,558 --> 00:09:56,143 Is that all... part of the act, do you think? 205 00:09:56,185 --> 00:09:57,865 Erm, can we let him go? 206 00:10:05,302 --> 00:10:06,692 That's a no, then. 207 00:10:20,845 --> 00:10:22,022 Hello? 208 00:10:22,582 --> 00:10:25,085 Hello? Kirsty, it's Fran. 209 00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,005 Oh. Right. 210 00:10:27,285 --> 00:10:30,543 - Hey. You came up as a private number. - Yeah. 211 00:10:31,325 --> 00:10:32,461 Erm... 212 00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:35,228 listen, I wondered if you wanted to come to my birthday tonight. 213 00:10:35,405 --> 00:10:37,067 Tonight? Erm... 214 00:10:37,525 --> 00:10:39,245 er, I'm not sure. 215 00:10:39,459 --> 00:10:42,805 Listen, Kirsty, if it's about last year's karaoke, then... 216 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:45,054 I'm sorry, we didn't realise there'd be UV lighting, 217 00:10:45,069 --> 00:10:47,583 - and it looked like blood, but it wasn't... - Sorry, Fran. 218 00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,739 ... or urine. Erm... 219 00:10:50,097 --> 00:10:51,986 And it definitely wasn't semen. 220 00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:53,945 Can I call you back? 221 00:10:54,165 --> 00:10:56,646 I'm about to go through a tunnel. 222 00:10:57,328 --> 00:11:00,338 But... this is your home number. 223 00:11:00,919 --> 00:11:02,217 H... hello? 224 00:11:02,545 --> 00:11:03,757 Kirsty a no, then? 225 00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:07,717 Oh, no, she's gonna phone me back. I think it's likely she... Yeah. 226 00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:09,445 Any news from Mr K? 227 00:11:09,525 --> 00:11:10,680 No. 228 00:11:11,049 --> 00:11:12,372 Oh. 229 00:11:14,629 --> 00:11:16,679 Oh, shit. 230 00:11:16,804 --> 00:11:18,330 Look who's here. 231 00:11:22,885 --> 00:11:24,854 Oh... my God! 232 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,303 You fancy her. 233 00:11:26,605 --> 00:11:29,177 Oh, God, no, I don't. No! God, not remotely. 234 00:11:29,302 --> 00:11:33,545 Not my type. I don't go for that obviously hot... thing. 235 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,394 - Fran. - Liz. 236 00:11:54,426 --> 00:11:56,170 - Jamie. - Jamie. 237 00:11:56,209 --> 00:11:58,250 Sorry, that's my name. Charles. 238 00:12:00,194 --> 00:12:01,664 Nice hair. 239 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:05,420 - What have you done to it? - I washed it. You should try it sometime. 240 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,410 What are you idiots doing here? 241 00:12:07,475 --> 00:12:10,828 - This is our canal. - Oh, YOUR canal? Who do think you are... 242 00:12:12,805 --> 00:12:14,752 God, someone who owns a canal. 243 00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:19,590 - Oh, Ratty from Wind In The Willows. - That's a river. 244 00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:21,342 - Why are you helping her? - Sorry. 245 00:12:21,352 --> 00:12:24,337 - Don't apologise. It's weak. - Sorry... Ah, I've done it again. 246 00:12:24,387 --> 00:12:27,761 Excuse me? Any chance of loosening this bag? 247 00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:30,165 Or maybe a bigger bag? 248 00:12:30,245 --> 00:12:32,815 - I mean, not silly big, obviously... - Get back in the van! 249 00:12:35,638 --> 00:12:36,880 Who the fuck is that? 250 00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,552 Nobody, Liz. Just a target, we're all over it. 251 00:12:39,562 --> 00:12:42,333 - What's with his party hat? - It's Fran's birthday. 252 00:12:42,449 --> 00:12:44,146 Oh, many happy returns. 253 00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:48,256 Ooh, are you guys free tonight? We're having a birthday dinner. 254 00:12:49,365 --> 00:12:52,062 - They won't be... - Definitely. We'd love to. 255 00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:54,460 - Really? - No. 256 00:12:54,561 --> 00:12:56,846 Good. I'm glad you said that, 'cos we were joking anyway 257 00:12:56,871 --> 00:12:58,200 - and... - Oh, really? 258 00:12:58,225 --> 00:12:59,841 'Cos I was just messing with you. 259 00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:01,325 Of course I wanna come. 260 00:13:01,941 --> 00:13:03,078 Really? 261 00:13:03,552 --> 00:13:05,026 Nope. Ha! 262 00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:09,308 If the offer is still on the table, I would love to come. 263 00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:12,245 - I'm on antibiotics, so I can't drink... - Shut up, Charles! 264 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:14,367 Anyway, we gotta bounce. 265 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:17,085 Mr K's put us straight on another job. 266 00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:19,113 Big money. 267 00:13:24,685 --> 00:13:26,178 You wouldn't be a darling and dump this 268 00:13:26,203 --> 00:13:27,556 - in the canal for us, would you? - Of course. 269 00:13:27,566 --> 00:13:30,803 Enjoy your dinner. Sounds like it's gonna be great (!) 270 00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:35,448 You're actually missing out, cos we're gonna have... 271 00:13:35,645 --> 00:13:37,634 Not that it's just us. There's lots of people. 272 00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:38,917 We're gonna have an amazing night. 273 00:13:38,927 --> 00:13:40,593 - Amazing night. - Round at mine. 274 00:13:40,609 --> 00:13:41,962 - Yep. - Oh, sorry, Fran, 275 00:13:41,973 --> 00:13:43,371 I can't hear you! 276 00:13:43,395 --> 00:13:44,421 What? 277 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:45,768 You gotta talk louder! 278 00:13:45,814 --> 00:13:48,575 I'm gonna have a really good birthday! 279 00:13:51,307 --> 00:13:53,585 I'll put Charles down as a maybe. 280 00:13:53,605 --> 00:13:54,923 OK! 281 00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,894 Do you guys know any party games? 282 00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,245 Oh, film. OK... 283 00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:09,989 Erm, Die Hard? 284 00:14:12,942 --> 00:14:14,311 Die Hard 2? 285 00:14:16,885 --> 00:14:18,179 Aladdin? 286 00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,345 Oh, I don't know. 287 00:14:20,411 --> 00:14:23,491 I've been guessing for half an hour and I haven't got... What's this? 288 00:14:23,552 --> 00:14:26,910 - If I could see... - We're not taking that bag off. 289 00:14:26,921 --> 00:14:29,329 - Why? - Because he'll see our faces. 290 00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:31,081 What if Mr K decides to let him go? 291 00:14:31,107 --> 00:14:33,839 You invited me to your party. Let me join in. 292 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,845 - I didn't invite you to anything. - Hang on. I've got an idea. 293 00:14:40,725 --> 00:14:43,233 Right er... OK. 294 00:14:45,045 --> 00:14:46,857 Just one minute. 295 00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:49,186 There. Oh, Jamie! 296 00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:51,219 No, listen, I didn't take the bag off. 297 00:14:51,245 --> 00:14:54,338 - I just cut some eyeholes so that he could... - See. See us. 298 00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:56,465 Well, it's done now. 299 00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:59,885 Right, I can see now why you're a bit annoyed. 300 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:02,965 Hello. 301 00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:05,187 Oh, FYI, guys? 302 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,194 I was doing Pinocchio. 303 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:10,072 Ah, why did you tell us? I was gonna guess. 304 00:15:10,097 --> 00:15:11,946 What do you mean that's Pinocchio? Why didn't you just do that? 305 00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:15,405 - What's that? - That's Pinocchio's nose growing. It's sort of... 306 00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:18,397 That's standard how to... Pinocchio! 307 00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:20,309 I think I saw a different version. 308 00:15:20,657 --> 00:15:22,020 Can I do one? 309 00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:24,045 Go on, knock yourself out. 310 00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:34,026 - Riverdance. - Yes! 311 00:15:34,405 --> 00:15:36,588 Mm. You see? He can do it... 312 00:15:36,605 --> 00:15:38,292 and he's got his hands tied behind his back. 313 00:15:38,317 --> 00:15:41,518 - That's because he's extremely good at it. - Yeah. Thanks, Jamie. 314 00:15:41,885 --> 00:15:43,885 - You're having fun, though? - No. 315 00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:45,386 I am. 316 00:15:48,901 --> 00:15:51,357 Is Mr K ever going to call? 317 00:15:56,645 --> 00:15:58,401 Do you wanna open your present? 318 00:15:58,765 --> 00:16:00,497 Maybe later, you know, just... 319 00:16:00,566 --> 00:16:02,636 Oh, go on, open it. 320 00:16:08,805 --> 00:16:11,139 Look. There we are. 321 00:16:11,593 --> 00:16:14,421 God. Can you believe how long we've known each other? 322 00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:18,203 I won't lie. Sometimes it feels like a lot longer. 323 00:16:19,137 --> 00:16:20,753 And who are these peo... ? 324 00:16:21,085 --> 00:16:22,640 - Who are these people? - Oh, yeah, 325 00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:25,222 I could only find one photo of us that fit, 326 00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,557 so I kept the stock one so it wouldn't look weird. 327 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:30,037 I tell you what, that looks like Kylie Barn. 328 00:16:30,085 --> 00:16:32,189 The girl that used to fiddle with herself in RE? 329 00:16:32,205 --> 00:16:33,785 Captain Birdseye. 330 00:16:33,823 --> 00:16:36,203 Yeah. Do you know she's got a dental practice now? 331 00:16:36,266 --> 00:16:37,547 She set it up with her husband. 332 00:16:37,565 --> 00:16:39,368 Ooh, I wouldn't want those fingers near my mouth, 333 00:16:39,393 --> 00:16:40,630 - I tell you. - No. 334 00:16:40,645 --> 00:16:43,120 Don't know why I'm laughing at her. At least she's got a life. 335 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,417 What have I got? 336 00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:46,715 A sham marriage, a knackered van, 337 00:16:46,745 --> 00:16:48,565 and RSI in my trigger... Look at that. 338 00:16:48,645 --> 00:16:49,875 I know what you mean, Fran. 339 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:53,203 I think if I had my life again, I'd make different decisions. 340 00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:55,693 Stop using my skills 341 00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:58,404 to help terrible people get away with murder, 342 00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,954 sometimes literally. 343 00:17:00,025 --> 00:17:02,039 I've wasted so much time 344 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,236 mixing with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. 345 00:17:04,245 --> 00:17:05,705 I hear you. 346 00:17:05,786 --> 00:17:07,579 We were friends with this boy at school, 347 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,507 you know, bad boy, you know the type. 348 00:17:09,553 --> 00:17:11,905 He used to make us smoke with him 349 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,546 and play pranks on all the teachers. Anyway, 350 00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:19,285 one day, he was trapped in the kiln and was baked to death. 351 00:17:19,546 --> 00:17:21,616 They had to close down the art department. 352 00:17:21,803 --> 00:17:23,671 Really ruined it for the rest of us. 353 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,362 Yeah, that wasn't really what I meant. 354 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:30,260 I guess I'm just saying that... 355 00:17:30,605 --> 00:17:33,022 nobody's life works out as they planned. 356 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:36,461 You know? Everyone ends up doing stuff they're not proud of. 357 00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:38,561 And in the end... 358 00:17:39,085 --> 00:17:40,626 the most important thing 359 00:17:40,645 --> 00:17:45,045 is that the people who know you accept you for who you are. 360 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,179 God, you know what? 361 00:17:48,685 --> 00:17:50,861 For a guy that spent the day with a bag on his head, 362 00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:53,587 you are absolutely right. 363 00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:04,091 Hello? 364 00:18:07,217 --> 00:18:08,494 Yeah. 365 00:18:09,765 --> 00:18:11,115 Understood. 366 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,023 Please. 367 00:18:19,577 --> 00:18:21,085 No. I... 368 00:18:21,107 --> 00:18:23,667 You don't have to do this. Just speak to Mr K, 369 00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,591 just tell him that I'm sorry, OK? 370 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,902 - Come on, he's a reasonable guy. - He is not a reasonable guy. 371 00:18:29,285 --> 00:18:32,040 - Jamie? - It's not her decision. Don't look at her. 372 00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:33,384 Please. 373 00:18:33,744 --> 00:18:35,605 - Turn around. - Oh, my God. 374 00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,365 This is really happening. 375 00:18:39,765 --> 00:18:41,841 Oh, my God. 376 00:18:45,963 --> 00:18:49,289 Only joking! I'm just joking! 377 00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:51,043 He said you're free to go. 378 00:18:51,106 --> 00:18:53,214 That was a really good one. That was... 379 00:18:53,246 --> 00:18:56,837 It's just a birthday prank. It's just... Your face! 380 00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:59,645 Your face was unbelievable. It was just... 381 00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:20,885 You really had me going there. 382 00:19:20,965 --> 00:19:22,605 Oh, seriously, though... 383 00:19:22,685 --> 00:19:24,407 what you doing tonight? 384 00:19:28,087 --> 00:19:29,930 I'd like to propose a toast. 385 00:19:29,965 --> 00:19:31,445 Oh. 386 00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:33,597 - To birthdays... - Yay! 387 00:19:33,645 --> 00:19:35,325 ... and to new friends. 388 00:19:35,405 --> 00:19:36,999 To new friends. 389 00:19:37,074 --> 00:19:40,457 And to birthdays not spent cry-eating cake alone... 390 00:19:40,501 --> 00:19:42,285 in a karaoke booth. 391 00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:46,036 - Cheers. - Cheers. 392 00:19:46,074 --> 00:19:48,567 Oh, I almost forgot. Back in a sec. 393 00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:50,567 Do you want some more wine? 394 00:19:50,605 --> 00:19:54,013 - Er, ooh, yes, please. - All right, coming straight up. 395 00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:59,252 Oh. You've got a text. 396 00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:02,465 Is it one of my mates just finally remembering my birthday? 397 00:20:02,483 --> 00:20:06,228 Er, no, no, look, it's from Mr K. He says... 398 00:20:06,264 --> 00:20:09,152 He says, "Have you done it yet?" Have you done what yet? 399 00:20:16,629 --> 00:20:18,731 He didn't say I could go, did he? 400 00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:24,631 Did you just keep me alive 401 00:20:24,645 --> 00:20:27,348 so that you could have guest at your birthday dinner? 402 00:20:37,759 --> 00:20:39,085 Sorry... 403 00:20:39,645 --> 00:20:41,561 ... you fucking bitch. 404 00:20:51,965 --> 00:20:53,365 ? Ha... ? 405 00:20:58,046 --> 00:21:00,076 I mean it's one thing killing somebody, but 406 00:21:00,086 --> 00:21:02,166 popping her tits in a laminator. 407 00:21:07,326 --> 00:21:10,078 I'm not going to get so hungry in the next 2 hours 408 00:21:10,098 --> 00:21:13,627 that I give up millions of pounds, I'm not a cartoon bear. 409 00:21:20,131 --> 00:21:23,448 Did you skip lunch? Because you got some hungry eyes girl. 410 00:21:30,845 --> 00:21:32,045 Oh fuck! 411 00:21:35,479 --> 00:21:38,352 You bloody killed me! 412 00:21:38,408 --> 00:21:42,205 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -