1 00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:06,516 Are... Are you awake? 2 00:00:06,587 --> 00:00:08,977 I slept for six minutes two hours ago. 3 00:00:09,081 --> 00:00:10,514 I'm gonna have to take a sleeping pill, 4 00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:11,949 which means you're gonna have to hide my car keys, 5 00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:13,588 laptop, and Reba McEntire wig. 6 00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:16,288 It's been a crazy couple days. 7 00:00:16,358 --> 00:00:17,791 Uh, yesterday, I found out I didn't get 8 00:00:17,861 --> 00:00:20,592 the college football coaching job that I had been chasing. 9 00:00:20,698 --> 00:00:22,028 I was... I was devastated. 10 00:00:22,098 --> 00:00:23,770 And moments before that, we got a phone call 11 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,025 from our old adoption agency with the opportunity 12 00:00:26,095 --> 00:00:27,391 for us to adopt a baby boy. 13 00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:29,168 So, a door closes... 14 00:00:29,273 --> 00:00:30,398 - A window opens. - Yeah. 15 00:00:30,503 --> 00:00:31,799 But do you answer it? 16 00:00:31,869 --> 00:00:33,814 You don't answer windows. 17 00:00:33,885 --> 00:00:36,240 Well, how fun for you. Cam made a little mistake. 18 00:00:37,643 --> 00:00:40,306 I keep making lists of all the pros and cons in my head. 19 00:00:40,377 --> 00:00:42,458 Uh, the... the way a baby smells is on both. 20 00:00:42,563 --> 00:00:44,508 Okay, alright. Pros, go. 21 00:00:44,579 --> 00:00:47,514 Okay, well, a baby to love. The sound of giggling. 22 00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,360 You know, a bigger family, 23 00:00:49,396 --> 00:00:52,161 an extra vote on whether to pull the plug on us when we get old. 24 00:00:52,232 --> 00:00:54,040 I'm worried that Lily has an itchy trigger finger. 25 00:00:54,111 --> 00:00:55,612 Yeah, and another child would help us figure out 26 00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:58,243 how much of Lily's personality is our fault and what's on her. 27 00:00:58,348 --> 00:00:59,438 It would be nice to be vindicated. 28 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,250 Okay, other pros... Christmases. 29 00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:03,880 Dipping little toes into the ocean 30 00:01:03,985 --> 00:01:05,110 for the first time, 31 00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:07,399 the way a toddler run towards the door 32 00:01:07,470 --> 00:01:09,817 in their jammies saying, "Daddy!" 33 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:11,021 Okay, you'd better hit me with some cons. 34 00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,154 I'm practically ovulating. 35 00:01:12,184 --> 00:01:15,497 Okay, no sleep, car seats, diapers, 36 00:01:15,566 --> 00:01:18,366 coughs and colds, all... all the doctor's appointments, 37 00:01:18,471 --> 00:01:20,724 - plastic toys everywhere. - Everywhere. 38 00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:22,603 Our... Our place is already too small. 39 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:23,740 We don't have enough bedrooms. 40 00:01:23,835 --> 00:01:25,199 Mnh-mnh. 41 00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,805 Oh, God, the clock is ticking. 42 00:01:26,876 --> 00:01:28,445 We have half a day to give them an answer. 43 00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:30,222 Okay, you know what, no thinking. 44 00:01:30,326 --> 00:01:34,287 On the count of three, say yes or no. 45 00:01:34,391 --> 00:01:36,201 One, two, three... 46 00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:39,360 - I don't know. - I can't decide! 47 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:52,307 credits 48 00:01:53,622 --> 00:01:56,456 Hey, why is there a black Suburban outside with a driver? 49 00:01:56,558 --> 00:01:58,191 My company sent it. 50 00:01:58,294 --> 00:02:00,260 I'm manning the Helo Dynamics booth 51 00:02:00,362 --> 00:02:01,862 for the job recruitment fair at Caltech. 52 00:02:01,964 --> 00:02:03,030 Wow! 53 00:02:03,132 --> 00:02:06,967 Look at you, being chauffeured in a giant SUV. 54 00:02:07,069 --> 00:02:09,403 When I picture you driving, you're crying in a Prius. 55 00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,371 I do cry less when I'm driven. 56 00:02:11,473 --> 00:02:13,607 And that outfit is on point. 57 00:02:13,709 --> 00:02:16,677 Well, I mean, it's... it's sort of a triumphant return for me. 58 00:02:16,779 --> 00:02:19,479 I spent four years there in sweats, with greasy hair, 59 00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:21,381 caring only about grades. 60 00:02:21,483 --> 00:02:22,849 The only time anyone ever noticed me was when 61 00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:25,986 I pulled out all my eyebrows during finals week. 62 00:02:26,088 --> 00:02:29,222 Now I have a big job, swanky apartment, 63 00:02:29,325 --> 00:02:31,391 shoes that cost more than my first laptop... 64 00:02:31,493 --> 00:02:33,126 Oh, it's like a Rom-com... 65 00:02:33,228 --> 00:02:35,762 You left a nerd and returned a hot nerd. 66 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,964 Ooh! Speaking of hot people, 67 00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:40,100 maybe I should go and recruit for NERP. 68 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,035 For legal reasons, we need a science-y person 69 00:02:42,137 --> 00:02:43,570 to endorse product. 70 00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:45,672 Considering we're all a bunch of people who didn't graduate college, 71 00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,041 we sell a lot of products that go inside of you. 72 00:02:48,143 --> 00:02:50,544 Yeah, no, it doesn't really work that way. 73 00:02:50,646 --> 00:02:52,179 A, you have to be invited, 74 00:02:52,281 --> 00:02:54,314 and B, no self-respecting scientist 75 00:02:54,416 --> 00:02:56,717 is going to endorse the nonsense your company is pushing. 76 00:02:56,819 --> 00:02:59,419 Excuse me, but our copper-infused toothpaste 77 00:02:59,521 --> 00:03:02,389 is on the FDA's top ten items to watch, so... 78 00:03:04,927 --> 00:03:07,094 Phil! Phil, can you come in here? 79 00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:09,329 I've worked up a little presentation 80 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,832 for my Skype interview, and I would love to get your feedback. 81 00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,233 Yes, please! 82 00:03:13,335 --> 00:03:15,702 You've been such a cheerleader for me with all my magic shows 83 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,771 and SCARB dinners, I'd love to be yours. 84 00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:19,021 Hit it. 85 00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:21,641 I'm gonna stop you right there. 86 00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:23,777 I've been out of work for a few months, 87 00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:25,479 and I've gotten kinda antsy. 88 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:29,015 To channel my anxiety, I have cleaned, I have organized. 89 00:03:29,118 --> 00:03:30,884 Perhaps a bit obsessively. 90 00:03:30,986 --> 00:03:32,119 Doctors were consulted. 91 00:03:32,221 --> 00:03:34,488 One... a therapist, so not even a real doctor. 92 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,456 But meds were quickly dismissed. 93 00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:38,759 We didn't want the sexual side effects. 94 00:03:38,861 --> 00:03:40,160 Anyway... 95 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,430 I am going to channel my anxiety into a career. 96 00:03:43,532 --> 00:03:45,799 I am interviewing for my dream job... 97 00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:50,237 Senior VP of my favorite organizing chain store, 98 00:03:50,339 --> 00:03:51,438 Organize 'Em! 99 00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:53,006 I'm so excited, I could have an organaz... 100 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,741 You're better than that. 101 00:03:56,712 --> 00:03:58,512 So, throughout the call, I'm gonna be referring 102 00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,046 to this organizational system 103 00:04:00,149 --> 00:04:03,383 that I created using the Organize 'Em products. 104 00:04:03,485 --> 00:04:05,185 - Smart. - Yeah. Watch. 105 00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:08,121 Oh, Ms. Beckman, what an interesting point. 106 00:04:08,223 --> 00:04:11,291 I should jot that down. 107 00:04:11,393 --> 00:04:12,459 Boop. 108 00:04:12,561 --> 00:04:13,711 Bop. 109 00:04:14,029 --> 00:04:15,529 Bam. 110 00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:19,800 What the hell is that? 111 00:04:21,670 --> 00:04:23,036 Oh, my God. What? 112 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,872 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, your dad came over to help me. 113 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,208 - I gotta fix that step. - It splintered. 114 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,177 I wiped out this morning and landed on my head. 115 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:31,511 Yeah, but my call. 116 00:04:31,613 --> 00:04:33,756 We gotta take care of that before someone gets hurt. 117 00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:34,548 Someone did. 118 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,416 I mean, what if it was Haley with the babies? Or Dylan? 119 00:04:36,518 --> 00:04:38,185 - Or...? - Or me. I threw up. 120 00:04:38,287 --> 00:04:41,221 Holy Moses. Gloria was here yesterday in heels. 121 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,355 That could've been ugly. 122 00:04:42,727 --> 00:04:43,774 I'm sleepy. 123 00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:46,026 Buddy, you gotta move. Someone's gonna trip over you. 124 00:04:46,128 --> 00:04:48,094 Hey, guys, we can't do this right now, okay? 125 00:04:48,197 --> 00:04:50,630 I've got... I've got an interview at 1:23. 126 00:04:50,732 --> 00:04:53,633 - Well, that's specific. - No, not for Audrey Beckman. 127 00:04:53,735 --> 00:04:55,802 Her whole life is scheduled down to the second. 128 00:04:55,904 --> 00:04:57,604 She's a god to OCD people. 129 00:04:57,706 --> 00:04:58,972 Why do you think I've got that bumper sticker 130 00:04:59,074 --> 00:05:01,741 that says "Straighten It Like Beckman"? 131 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,109 Can I come down now? 132 00:05:03,212 --> 00:05:04,611 If I don't have the babies' bottles 133 00:05:04,713 --> 00:05:06,046 when they wake up, they're mean. 134 00:05:06,148 --> 00:05:08,548 You're not even in the terrible twos yet. 135 00:05:08,650 --> 00:05:09,816 Oh, when do those start? 136 00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,384 Okay, look, it's almost time. 137 00:05:11,487 --> 00:05:14,554 Just please, nobody make any noise, nobody go in that office. 138 00:05:14,656 --> 00:05:16,289 I have all my ducks in a row. 139 00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:18,124 I'm just gonna run upstairs and change my shirt. 140 00:05:18,227 --> 00:05:19,256 Oh, okay, but be careful. 141 00:05:19,328 --> 00:05:21,127 I know what I'm doing, I have got this. 142 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,463 - Oh! - Oh! Oh, boy! Oh, God! 143 00:05:23,565 --> 00:05:24,698 My leg is stuck! 144 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,266 Somebody do something! 145 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,701 I'm really good at getting rings off. 146 00:05:27,803 --> 00:05:29,803 Do you want me to butter your thighs? 147 00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:31,872 Hey, Dylan, sometimes I like to play things out 148 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,607 in my head first, if that's helpful. 149 00:05:36,345 --> 00:05:39,013 Hey, honey, uh, we need to talk to you about something. 150 00:05:39,395 --> 00:05:40,943 Sweetie, this is something pretty big, 151 00:05:40,978 --> 00:05:42,352 and I... I want you to brace yourself. 152 00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,853 - The adoption agency called... - I'm not going back! 153 00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:50,157 Do you know what happens to soft, entitled kids in Da Nang? 154 00:05:50,192 --> 00:05:51,246 No, no, no, no, no, no! No, no. 155 00:05:51,316 --> 00:05:53,477 N-No. No. 156 00:05:54,307 --> 00:05:55,830 There's a baby boy... 157 00:05:55,865 --> 00:05:57,121 Ohhh. 158 00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,518 I think you should do it. 159 00:05:58,553 --> 00:05:59,958 - Really? Just... Just like that? - What? 160 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,431 Whatever stops you dropping by my sleepovers. 161 00:06:02,466 --> 00:06:04,340 You guys are way too focused on me. 162 00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:06,286 Plus, I think it'd be fun to have a baby brother. 163 00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:07,569 - Oh? - Although... 164 00:06:07,673 --> 00:06:08,921 Although what? 165 00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:11,715 Aren't you guys kind of old to be having a baby? 166 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,034 I'm getting into the juicy part of my teen years. 167 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,877 I don't want to have to take over for you. 168 00:06:15,912 --> 00:06:19,196 - Okay, we are not that old. - You're like 50. 169 00:06:19,299 --> 00:06:21,088 Oh, my God! No! 170 00:06:21,191 --> 00:06:23,183 Daddy's 44, and I'm 48. 171 00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:25,988 You do realize when the baby's a senior in high school, 172 00:06:26,091 --> 00:06:27,577 you guys will be senior citizens? 173 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,368 We will not be senior c... 174 00:06:29,471 --> 00:06:31,362 - Cam. - Sixty-six. 175 00:06:31,465 --> 00:06:33,491 - I'll be sixty-six. - And I'll be sixty-one. 176 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,879 - Well, sixty-two. - Not until June! 177 00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:42,320 It's not working! My leg is really stuck in there! 178 00:06:42,422 --> 00:06:44,188 It might be time to return to my idea. 179 00:06:44,257 --> 00:06:45,698 I'm not cutting my leg off. 180 00:06:45,769 --> 00:06:47,829 Think about how fast you would run with a robot leg. 181 00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,612 Luke, your mom's not getting a robot leg! 182 00:06:50,648 --> 00:06:52,708 She'd need two, or she'd just run in circles. 183 00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:53,980 Come on, let's check under the stairs. 184 00:06:54,085 --> 00:06:55,939 Yes, please, and hurry! 185 00:06:56,009 --> 00:06:58,276 What the hell's the matter with this house? 186 00:06:58,346 --> 00:07:00,166 How could two steps be broken? 187 00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:06,213 My God, the humidity. My hair's gonna frizz out. 188 00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:08,207 That's why I never show any pictures from 'Nam. 189 00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:10,544 Oh, no, I totally forgot about the humidifier 190 00:07:10,649 --> 00:07:12,056 for my mushroom log. 191 00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:14,598 It needed darkness and moisture. 192 00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:16,385 It must have rotted the wood. 193 00:07:18,621 --> 00:07:21,368 Wow, honey, you're really wedged in here tight. 194 00:07:21,473 --> 00:07:22,777 Yeah, no kidding. 195 00:07:22,848 --> 00:07:24,977 Why can't you buy your mushrooms at a store, 196 00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:26,556 like a normal person? 197 00:07:26,628 --> 00:07:27,862 Store-bought mushrooms? 198 00:07:27,933 --> 00:07:30,474 You really don't get my generation, Boomer. 199 00:07:30,545 --> 00:07:32,055 Maybe this'll enlighten you. 200 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,220 - Open up. - Get your hand away from my... 201 00:07:34,222 --> 00:07:35,664 Open up! 202 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,818 That's damn good. 203 00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:42,983 Why do I always default to "no"? 204 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,488 Is Gloria right? Should I try slim-cut jeans? 205 00:07:47,452 --> 00:07:49,375 Guys! What's going on down there?! 206 00:07:49,411 --> 00:07:51,573 Your foot's stuck between two copper pipes. 207 00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:53,429 We're gonna have to cut it. 208 00:07:53,534 --> 00:07:54,701 It might take a while. 209 00:07:54,806 --> 00:07:56,419 I don't have a while! 210 00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:58,687 I can't believe this. I'm going to miss my interview. 211 00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,715 And this was my dream job! 212 00:08:00,786 --> 00:08:02,948 I was gonna get to organize the whole world. 213 00:08:03,019 --> 00:08:05,216 And now everything is gonna stay so messy. 214 00:08:05,287 --> 00:08:06,487 Can't you just reschedule it? 215 00:08:06,558 --> 00:08:09,065 No! Phil, I'd look like a flake! 216 00:08:09,136 --> 00:08:10,577 This is an organizational company, 217 00:08:10,648 --> 00:08:12,708 not the loosey-goosey world of real estate, 218 00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:15,095 where everything's "See you noon to three, 219 00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:16,200 and I'll bring the cookies"! 220 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:17,862 Sorry. I'm lashing out. 221 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,340 No, it's okay. The lion doesn't lose sleep 222 00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:20,508 over the opinions of sheep. 223 00:08:20,579 --> 00:08:23,017 Honey, just take the call from there. 224 00:08:23,088 --> 00:08:26,041 How ridiculous would I look taking a call on stairs? 225 00:08:26,146 --> 00:08:28,583 Plus, I need my shelves, 'cause I had this whole thing 226 00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:30,130 worked out with the products and... 227 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:31,814 You don't need gimmicks! 228 00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:33,120 You were the C.E.O. 229 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,872 for Pritchett's freakin' Closets. 230 00:08:34,943 --> 00:08:36,694 You know how many people can say that? 231 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:37,931 Me and you! 232 00:08:38,002 --> 00:08:39,648 And Margaret every five years, 233 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,020 when I went under for my colonoscopy. 234 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:44,082 Fine. Give me my phone. 235 00:08:44,152 --> 00:08:46,522 I'll bomb the interview from right here. 236 00:08:48,483 --> 00:08:50,852 She's lost her confidence. She needs those shelves. 237 00:08:50,923 --> 00:08:52,638 You know what, if she can't get to the office, 238 00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:54,253 we can bring the office to her. 239 00:08:56,523 --> 00:08:57,999 You're staring. 240 00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,875 I'm frizzing, aren't I? 241 00:09:01,483 --> 00:09:04,705 I've got to admit, walking onto that campus... 242 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:07,276 All those eyes on me, the adoration... 243 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,334 It felt good. It felt right. 244 00:09:09,439 --> 00:09:12,250 Like I had earned everything that was coming my way. 245 00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:14,238 You suck! 246 00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:16,947 No! You! 247 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:20,239 - What? - Helo Dynamics is evil! 248 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,194 Excuse me? We help people. 249 00:09:22,299 --> 00:09:25,555 Yeah! People like fascists, dictators, oligarchs. 250 00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,132 What are you talking about? 251 00:09:27,202 --> 00:09:28,744 We make things like facial scanners 252 00:09:28,814 --> 00:09:31,212 that detect predisposition to genetic diseases. 253 00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:32,687 Which oppressive governments use 254 00:09:32,758 --> 00:09:34,847 to identify political dissidents. 255 00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:38,928 Well, I mean, it's also used on video chats 256 00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:40,403 to turn yourself into a unicorn. 257 00:09:40,508 --> 00:09:41,980 Name one thing more fun! 258 00:09:42,051 --> 00:09:45,032 Why don't you walk your fancy shoes outta here, you sellout?! 259 00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:46,953 Why is someone wearing socks and sandals 260 00:09:47,058 --> 00:09:48,290 yelling at your fabulous shoes? 261 00:09:48,361 --> 00:09:49,524 - Sellout! - I don't know! 262 00:09:49,629 --> 00:09:50,930 And what are you doing here? 263 00:09:51,001 --> 00:09:52,371 Well, I'm recruiting for NERP. 264 00:09:52,476 --> 00:09:54,291 I told you I need a science-y person. 265 00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:56,931 You can't just saunter in here. You have to be approved. 266 00:09:57,002 --> 00:09:59,332 Oh. Hey, kid. You don't care what you look like. You must be smart. 267 00:09:59,368 --> 00:10:00,943 Want to work at a place that has a lot of hot girls? 268 00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:03,996 Stop it! Could you make this horrible situation any worse? 269 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:08,008 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 270 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:11,162 - I didn't do that. - Hell no, Helo, it's time you go! 271 00:10:11,199 --> 00:10:13,160 - Hell no, Helo, it's time you go! - I've never seen nerds swarm like this before! 272 00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:15,484 We're not typically a clustering people. 273 00:10:15,589 --> 00:10:16,855 Oh, my God. It's Arvin. 274 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,741 Oh, no. I emailed him I'd be here. 275 00:10:18,812 --> 00:10:21,073 Oh, this is gonna be so awkward for me! 276 00:10:21,143 --> 00:10:23,027 The last time I saw him, I broke his heart. 277 00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,365 Awkward for you? 278 00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:27,932 These people hate me so much, they're making eye contact! 279 00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:29,406 Alex? Hi! 280 00:10:29,511 --> 00:10:31,018 What's all the com... 281 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:32,424 Haley. 282 00:10:32,495 --> 00:10:34,276 Arvin. Hi. 283 00:10:34,346 --> 00:10:35,716 I didn't know you'd be here. 284 00:10:35,787 --> 00:10:37,636 This isn't going to be easy to say. 285 00:10:37,741 --> 00:10:39,213 I got married, and I have twins. 286 00:10:39,284 --> 00:10:40,551 I know. Yes. 287 00:10:40,621 --> 00:10:43,328 It was the lead story in Dylan's holiday newsletter. 288 00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:45,763 You sure you haven't been stalking a little? 289 00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:47,238 No. No, that's why. 290 00:10:49,435 --> 00:10:51,010 Alex, is this directed at you? 291 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,068 Yes. Yes, it is. 292 00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:55,228 And they are so mean! 293 00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:56,496 Hell no, Helo! 294 00:10:56,601 --> 00:10:57,833 Uh, excuse me. 295 00:10:57,904 --> 00:11:01,126 Uh, you... you all know I'm a cool guy, right? 296 00:11:01,196 --> 00:11:03,218 I'm chill with you calling me Arvin. 297 00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:07,161 We had class outside that one time. 298 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:08,670 Hmm? Will you just give us a minute? 299 00:11:08,741 --> 00:11:12,751 I assure you, she will feel the full effects of my rage. 300 00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:15,803 - So, how have you been? - Not so great. 301 00:11:15,873 --> 00:11:17,415 They're not fans of your employer? 302 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,636 Which is so unfair! 303 00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:21,118 I'm doing very advanced research 304 00:11:21,189 --> 00:11:22,833 that could have far-reaching implications. 305 00:11:22,904 --> 00:11:25,027 Yeah. Of course you are. One sec. 306 00:11:25,132 --> 00:11:27,394 How do you sleep at night?! 307 00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:28,765 Okay, so, you, too? 308 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:29,999 No, of course not. 309 00:11:30,105 --> 00:11:32,641 I am not here to judge you or your boss... 310 00:11:32,745 --> 00:11:33,806 Satan! 311 00:11:36,243 --> 00:11:38,539 Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by and say a quick hello. 312 00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:39,739 Haley, lovely to see you. 313 00:11:39,844 --> 00:11:41,213 You have to move on. 314 00:11:41,318 --> 00:11:43,339 Alex, I wish you nothing but the best. 315 00:11:43,444 --> 00:11:47,318 Okay. Right, guys. Now with feeling. 316 00:11:47,388 --> 00:11:50,681 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 317 00:11:50,851 --> 00:11:53,837 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 318 00:11:53,872 --> 00:11:55,143 What Lily said really got to us. 319 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,694 Maybe we are too old to have a new baby. 320 00:11:57,797 --> 00:11:59,767 Yesterday, I found hairs on my ears 321 00:11:59,871 --> 00:12:01,297 and I yelled at the local news. 322 00:12:01,366 --> 00:12:03,404 And I called Seinfeld "Steinfeld." 323 00:12:04,903 --> 00:12:06,430 You know, but on the other hand, there are a lot 324 00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:08,266 of men our age having babies. 325 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:11,087 Yes, but... but they have second wives and nannies... 326 00:12:11,191 --> 00:12:12,651 who are often the same person. 327 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,725 We just needed to talk to a... a parent 328 00:12:14,829 --> 00:12:16,832 that had a baby when they were old. 329 00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:20,232 You must be mistaken, because I had Joe when I was 35. 330 00:12:20,552 --> 00:12:22,148 No, I remember. You had just turned... 331 00:12:22,252 --> 00:12:23,371 She's not gonna budge. 332 00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:25,785 Okay, j-just tell us, how hard is it? 333 00:12:25,855 --> 00:12:28,572 Well, are there nights where you don't sleep 334 00:12:28,676 --> 00:12:30,068 and you want to kill yourself? 335 00:12:30,138 --> 00:12:31,190 Of course. 336 00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:33,298 Are there shooting pains in your back 337 00:12:33,368 --> 00:12:36,799 from picking the baby and putting him down? 338 00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:38,261 Constantly. 339 00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:39,825 Okay, well, is there a but? 340 00:12:39,894 --> 00:12:42,137 It's hanging in there, but it's not the same. 341 00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:45,400 Look, I know that you guys worry that you're too old 342 00:12:45,469 --> 00:12:48,833 or too slow to have a baby at this age. 343 00:12:49,277 --> 00:12:51,110 But guess what. 344 00:12:51,619 --> 00:12:53,117 - You can! - Aah! 345 00:12:53,187 --> 00:12:55,428 - What the hell was that? - A doll. 346 00:12:55,499 --> 00:12:57,740 It was supposed to prove that you guys were ready 347 00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,202 to have a baby, 348 00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:02,261 but if this was a real one, you would have killed it. 349 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,981 Well, wouldn't it be your fault for throwing it? 350 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,122 Give me a break. I was trying something. 351 00:13:07,192 --> 00:13:09,195 I'm in the middle of selling a house. 352 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:10,522 Oh, yeah, it's very cute, by the way. 353 00:13:10,626 --> 00:13:11,779 How many bedrooms is it? 354 00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,057 - Three and a den. - Oh, that's one more than we have. 355 00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:15,485 Mitchell, this house, huh? 356 00:13:15,589 --> 00:13:17,491 Cam, I can't even begin to think about a house 357 00:13:17,595 --> 00:13:19,734 when we haven't even made a decision about whether or not 358 00:13:19,804 --> 00:13:21,196 - we're going to... - But maybe it's a sign. 359 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,338 You know, the new job goes away, a baby comes along, 360 00:13:23,442 --> 00:13:24,765 and all of a sudden, we're standing in a charming 361 00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:26,839 - three-bedroom... - Three and a half bath. 362 00:13:26,943 --> 00:13:29,185 Which, holy cow, we could afford if we just switch back 363 00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:30,545 - to grocery store face cream. - No. 364 00:13:30,649 --> 00:13:32,890 And it's in a great school district. 365 00:13:32,994 --> 00:13:34,284 You know what? She's right about that. 366 00:13:34,388 --> 00:13:35,644 They have a full-time nurse. 367 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,751 We have a Band-Aid jar and a can of ginger ale. 368 00:13:37,856 --> 00:13:39,553 Okay, we already have too much on our plate. 369 00:13:39,657 --> 00:13:40,947 We're not buying this house! 370 00:13:41,051 --> 00:13:43,836 Oh, and in the basement, they have a karaoke room 371 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:46,216 for people that want to impersonate divas 372 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,426 without their fathers seeing them. 373 00:13:49,442 --> 00:13:51,477 Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look. 374 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,345 I don't know, guys. Does it really look like I'm in my office? 375 00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:59,465 Jaws wasn't a real shark, but I still wouldn't 376 00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,134 sit on a toilet seat for months. 377 00:14:01,409 --> 00:14:02,869 How's this angle, Mom? 378 00:14:02,938 --> 00:14:05,060 Um, uh, fine, I guess. 379 00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:07,767 My cheek is itching! Is there something on my face? 380 00:14:07,838 --> 00:14:10,783 Admiral Ackbar, what the hell happened to you? 381 00:14:10,853 --> 00:14:12,633 I'll bet it was your stupid mushrooms! 382 00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:14,038 Why do I try new things? 383 00:14:14,108 --> 00:14:15,957 I'm sticking to my Brett Favre jeans! 384 00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,013 Oh, God! That's her! That's her! 385 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,212 Shh! Everybody quiet! 386 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:20,754 Wait, I have to get up there with the babies... 387 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:21,920 Shh! Sit! 388 00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:24,489 Hi, Ms. Beckman. 389 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,408 Thank you so much for this... 390 00:14:26,478 --> 00:14:28,224 - Achoo! - Choo! 391 00:14:28,295 --> 00:14:29,321 ...opportunity. 392 00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:31,343 You're welcome. Achoo! 393 00:14:32,407 --> 00:14:33,638 I... I wasn't mocking you. 394 00:14:33,743 --> 00:14:35,558 It's just that whenever I hear someone sneeze, 395 00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,991 I have to sneeze, too, so that it's an even number. 396 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,635 It's... it's perfectly normal. 397 00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:41,588 Oh, no, I completely understand. 398 00:14:41,659 --> 00:14:44,467 A few years ago, I forgot to tap the towel rod twice 399 00:14:44,538 --> 00:14:45,631 when I got out of the shower, 400 00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:48,064 and we lost George Michael that day, so... 401 00:14:48,135 --> 00:14:49,847 That was you? 402 00:14:49,917 --> 00:14:52,040 Let me tell you a little bit about our company. 403 00:14:52,144 --> 00:14:53,788 Oh! I'd love that. 404 00:14:53,857 --> 00:14:55,775 But first, I'd like to take some notes. 405 00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:58,825 Tilt up! 406 00:14:58,895 --> 00:15:00,915 That's what I love about this industry... 407 00:15:01,020 --> 00:15:03,142 never a "dull" moment. 408 00:15:03,213 --> 00:15:04,342 It's not plugged in. 409 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:10,818 We like to think of "Organize 'Em" 410 00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:13,628 - as a wellness company... - Achoo! 411 00:15:13,699 --> 00:15:14,758 - Choo! - Achoo! 412 00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:16,404 A mindfulness company. 413 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:19,624 Are your shelves shaking? 414 00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:21,680 Uh... yeah. 415 00:15:21,751 --> 00:15:23,736 Yeah, I think we're having a little earthquake. 416 00:15:23,807 --> 00:15:24,843 You know what? Why don't I tell you 417 00:15:24,904 --> 00:15:26,855 a little something about myself? 418 00:15:28,769 --> 00:15:30,627 I like to think that I am the kind of person 419 00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,546 who can see where the consumer... 420 00:15:32,650 --> 00:15:34,602 trends are leaning, 421 00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:36,383 adjust quickly, 422 00:15:36,488 --> 00:15:38,439 and lean back the other direction. 423 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,131 Oh, my God! 424 00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:45,704 Do I love organizing! 425 00:15:45,774 --> 00:15:47,451 Baby, do I love it! 426 00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,884 M-Ms. Dunphy, have you been drinking? 427 00:15:50,521 --> 00:15:52,386 Just lie. She can't smell your breath. 428 00:15:52,490 --> 00:15:53,893 No, Poppy, no! 429 00:16:00,236 --> 00:16:01,838 What the hell is happening?! 430 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,071 I'm calling it. 431 00:16:03,106 --> 00:16:06,299 I'm sorry, Ms. Beckman. This was a terrible idea. 432 00:16:06,404 --> 00:16:08,150 I... Okay. 433 00:16:08,221 --> 00:16:11,131 I fell through a step, and my leg is stuck. 434 00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:14,831 And listen, there's no company I would rather work for. 435 00:16:14,902 --> 00:16:17,436 I didn't want to cancel on you, so I asked my family 436 00:16:17,506 --> 00:16:21,650 to make it look like this was my office. 437 00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:24,392 Jay Pritchett, closeteer, but you probably know that. 438 00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,105 - Achoo! - Achoo! 439 00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:29,430 Could you just please get him out of my ear shot? 440 00:16:29,534 --> 00:16:31,074 Yeah, yeah, sure. 441 00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:34,090 Listen, I wanted you to think that I was a person 442 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,837 who had it all together, but I'm not. 443 00:16:35,908 --> 00:16:38,579 The reality is I live in chaos! 444 00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,669 But that's why I love your products. 445 00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:42,210 When... When my kids are fighting 446 00:16:42,281 --> 00:16:43,719 or... or the grandkids are crying 447 00:16:43,789 --> 00:16:47,659 or my husband is making pancakes on a pogo stick, 448 00:16:47,764 --> 00:16:50,298 I know that I can go into my office 449 00:16:50,369 --> 00:16:53,382 and file bills in a color-coded divider 450 00:16:53,453 --> 00:16:56,328 and experience one moment of peace. 451 00:16:57,462 --> 00:16:59,858 I know I'm what your company needs, 452 00:16:59,929 --> 00:17:02,154 because I know how much I need your company. 453 00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:06,712 Wow. 454 00:17:06,782 --> 00:17:08,151 I got the job! 455 00:17:08,255 --> 00:17:09,864 I'm so proud of her! 456 00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:11,680 I guess it's our lucky step. 457 00:17:14,604 --> 00:17:16,169 Don't worry. It's just me. 458 00:17:16,274 --> 00:17:17,714 - Oh. - See?! 459 00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,030 You know what? You could have defended me! 460 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,673 Mm. Should I have? 461 00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,418 Are you saying you agree with them? 462 00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,369 I found their chant rather simplistic. 463 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,696 You know, I would have probably gone with something like... 464 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,331 "Helo Dynamics is a multinational corporation 465 00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:37,343 that prioritizes profits over ethics." 466 00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,670 I knew it. You are judging me. 467 00:17:39,774 --> 00:17:41,894 Do you judge all of your students like this? 468 00:17:41,999 --> 00:17:43,331 Alex... 469 00:17:43,402 --> 00:17:46,890 all my students don't have the potential you do! 470 00:17:46,961 --> 00:17:48,328 You were extraordinary! 471 00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:51,750 You were meant to change the world! 472 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,975 And it's not just me that thinks it. 473 00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,754 Dylan said so in his newsletter. 474 00:17:55,859 --> 00:17:57,089 Oh, spare me. 475 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,691 The sanctimonious academic, looking down on the star pupil 476 00:17:59,795 --> 00:18:02,120 because of her thousand-dollar shoes! 477 00:18:02,190 --> 00:18:03,934 Those shoes were a thousand dollars? 478 00:18:04,004 --> 00:18:06,330 - Damn it. - Do they come with medicine for a village? 479 00:18:06,434 --> 00:18:08,040 You know what? I hate to say it, 480 00:18:08,111 --> 00:18:11,087 but I don't need your approval, because I love what I do. 481 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:14,308 - Ah. Well, I am sorry to hear that. - Don't be. 482 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,809 I'm sorry because I am assembling a research team 483 00:18:16,872 --> 00:18:19,129 to create A.I. capable of everything 484 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,764 from discovering exoplanets in deep space 485 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,022 to biomarkers of disease in humans. 486 00:18:24,127 --> 00:18:28,300 And you would've been a superb addition 487 00:18:28,405 --> 00:18:30,148 to an exceptional team. 488 00:18:30,253 --> 00:18:31,279 But pbht! 489 00:18:31,348 --> 00:18:33,707 Well, Professor... 490 00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,171 you can take that job... 491 00:18:36,276 --> 00:18:38,156 and give it to me. 492 00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:39,901 But I'm going to need you to match my salary! 493 00:18:39,972 --> 00:18:41,373 I'm not sure we have that kind of money. 494 00:18:41,478 --> 00:18:42,571 Deal. 495 00:18:44,216 --> 00:18:46,120 I'm gonna go see if I can still return these. 496 00:18:48,065 --> 00:18:50,399 And finally, back to the beautiful family room. 497 00:18:50,502 --> 00:18:51,989 It's great. 498 00:18:52,059 --> 00:18:53,078 I mean, it is beautiful. 499 00:18:53,108 --> 00:18:54,189 I can see you both 500 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,709 having a delightful misunderstanding here. 501 00:18:57,812 --> 00:18:59,028 - Okay, now, Mitchell. - Hmm? 502 00:18:59,132 --> 00:19:01,363 You know I'm not usually impulsive... 503 00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:03,428 Please. You never go to the grocery store alone 504 00:19:03,498 --> 00:19:04,646 and not come home with a balloon. 505 00:19:04,716 --> 00:19:06,846 But that bathroom upstairs is amazing. 506 00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:09,858 Yeah, and I... I do love the idea of me having my own sink. 507 00:19:09,927 --> 00:19:12,261 Our housekeeper would finally realize who the real villain is. 508 00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:13,546 Okay, so we should... we should do it! 509 00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:15,002 Let's do it! 510 00:19:15,072 --> 00:19:16,592 - Buy this house? - Yeah. 511 00:19:16,662 --> 00:19:18,894 We haven't even made a decision about the baby yet. 512 00:19:18,998 --> 00:19:22,278 Oh. Another broker just sent me a text. 513 00:19:22,382 --> 00:19:25,005 An offer is coming at six o'clock. 514 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,441 Great. Another ticking clock. 515 00:19:26,544 --> 00:19:28,496 Let's also disarm a time bomb 516 00:19:28,531 --> 00:19:30,971 while buying Beyoncé tickets online with an expired credit card. 517 00:19:31,006 --> 00:19:33,001 Okay, that one got to me. I'm having hard time breathing. 518 00:19:33,036 --> 00:19:34,278 I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack! 519 00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:37,173 And this big family room with the cozy fireplace 520 00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:38,793 is the perfect place to have that. 521 00:19:38,897 --> 00:19:40,488 Okay, you know what, Gloria? Stop. 522 00:19:40,523 --> 00:19:42,478 We... We... We need to think. 523 00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:43,831 No, no, no, we do not need to think. 524 00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:45,693 We need to stop this. 525 00:19:45,762 --> 00:19:47,283 Okay, within the span of eighteen hours, 526 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:50,126 we're supposed to completely and utterly change our lives? 527 00:19:50,195 --> 00:19:52,325 No... No big, life-altering decision 528 00:19:52,429 --> 00:19:53,578 should be made that way. 529 00:19:54,596 --> 00:19:58,518 You're right. Here, let's... Then let's not. 530 00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:00,279 - Okay. - It's just way too much. 531 00:20:00,348 --> 00:20:01,363 When things are right, 532 00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,561 i-it shouldn't be a struggle like this. 533 00:20:03,665 --> 00:20:04,746 You just know it. 534 00:20:04,748 --> 00:20:06,032 Yeah. I know. 535 00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:08,164 That little boy, he's gonna find an amazing family, right? 536 00:20:08,268 --> 00:20:11,075 - Of course he is. - Yeah. Yeah. 537 00:20:11,179 --> 00:20:12,835 You... You know what? I already... 538 00:20:12,938 --> 00:20:14,289 I already feel a little lighter. 539 00:20:14,705 --> 00:20:15,881 And we don't need the stress of moving. 540 00:20:15,984 --> 00:20:17,234 - No. - Because you know what? 541 00:20:17,337 --> 00:20:18,723 - I love our house. - I do, too. 542 00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,652 - It is not perfect. But neither are we. - No. We aren't. 543 00:20:20,755 --> 00:20:22,345 And neither is your car. 544 00:20:22,448 --> 00:20:24,950 Can you please remove that thing from the driveway? 545 00:20:25,054 --> 00:20:27,285 I'm trying to sell a lifestyle here. 546 00:20:28,146 --> 00:20:30,365 Is that the adoption agency? 547 00:20:30,469 --> 00:20:31,617 Yep. 548 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,870 Um... 549 00:20:32,973 --> 00:20:34,020 I'll... I'll tell them. 550 00:20:34,022 --> 00:20:35,952 Yeah. Yeah. Hello. 551 00:20:41,402 --> 00:20:44,548 Uh, yes, my husband and I would love to adopt him. 552 00:20:44,651 --> 00:20:45,799 Let's write up an offer. 553 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:57,103 - Dad. Wake up. - Oh, what... what... what... 554 00:20:57,205 --> 00:20:59,338 I think Daddy took a sleeping pill again. 555 00:21:00,335 --> 00:21:01,741 - Is he... Okay. - Yep. 556 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,876 ? He taught me to love him ? 557 00:21:03,978 --> 00:21:06,178 ? And promised to love ? 558 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,749 ? And cherish me over all others above ? 559 00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,121 Come on, sing it with me, Tucson! 560 00:21:12,653 --> 00:21:16,155 ? My poor heart is wonderin', no misery can tell... ? 561 00:21:16,257 --> 00:21:19,117 Hey, Mitchell. I have a dozen wings for Reba. 562 00:21:19,118 --> 00:21:22,018 Yeah, okay. Thank you so much, Cory. We'll see you next time. 563 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:24,633 Tony, I'm getting a little feedback in my ear here. 564 00:21:24,735 --> 00:21:26,601 Tony Hammond, ladies and gentlemen! 565 00:21:26,626 --> 00:21:33,609 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com