1
00:00:07,753 --> 00:00:10,720
? I'm goin' down to South
Park, gonna have myself a time ?

2
00:00:10,722 --> 00:00:12,555
? Friendly faces everywhere ?

3
00:00:12,557 --> 00:00:14,491
? Humble folks without temptation ?

4
00:00:14,493 --> 00:00:17,894
? Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ?

5
00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:19,462
? Ample parking day or night ?

6
00:00:19,464 --> 00:00:21,398
? People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ?

7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,967
? Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ?

8
00:00:23,969 --> 00:00:27,704
? Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ?

9
00:00:27,706 --> 00:00:31,641
? Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ?

10
00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:35,882
All right, everyone. Listen up.

11
00:00:35,884 --> 00:00:37,584
Today we're going to have a performance

12
00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:39,519
by one of our students
who has written a song.

13
00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:41,187
The song is about his feelings

14
00:00:41,189 --> 00:00:44,057
towards the current political
climate with North Korea.

15
00:00:44,059 --> 00:00:46,392
Put your hands together for Tweek.

16
00:00:58,807 --> 00:01:00,740
We're all gonna die!

17
00:01:00,742 --> 00:01:04,611
They have nuclear missiles! Aah! Aah!

18
00:01:04,613 --> 00:01:07,747
Why are you just sitting
there doing nothing?!

19
00:01:07,749 --> 00:01:09,048
We have to get out of here!

20
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:10,783
North Korea wants to kill us all

21
00:01:10,785 --> 00:01:12,852
and our president keeps making it worse!

22
00:01:12,854 --> 00:01:15,788
Why are you all just sitting there?!

23
00:01:15,790 --> 00:01:19,092
Why are all acting
like nothing's wrong?!

24
00:01:19,094 --> 00:01:23,129
North Korea is going to
bomb us! We are all dead!

25
00:01:23,131 --> 00:01:27,700
We have to do something!
Do something! Do something!

26
00:01:30,405 --> 00:01:32,405
All right, next up we
have Hannah Williams

27
00:01:32,407 --> 00:01:34,474
with her rendition of
"Wheels on the Bus."

28
00:01:37,145 --> 00:01:40,480
? The wheels on the
bus go round and round ?

29
00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:45,185
Dude, Craig, you've got to get
Tweek to get ahold of himself.

30
00:01:45,187 --> 00:01:47,020
He's freaking everybody out at school.

31
00:01:47,022 --> 00:01:49,956
- What am I supposed to do?
- He's your boyfriend, dude.

32
00:01:49,958 --> 00:01:51,791
He's not gonna listen to me.

33
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:53,626
He never does when he's emotional.

34
00:01:53,628 --> 00:01:55,814
Craig, let me tell you
about relationships, okay?

35
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,531
If you don't have some fucking balls,
you're not going to get anywhere.

36
00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,233
Doesn't matter if they're
gay balls or straight balls,

37
00:02:00,235 --> 00:02:02,335
if you don't take control of
your side of a relationship,

38
00:02:02,337 --> 00:02:04,637
- you'll get walked all over...
- Hey, babe. How you doing?

39
00:02:04,639 --> 00:02:06,172
Oh, hey, baby. What's going on?

40
00:02:08,977 --> 00:02:11,511
- We still on for recess?
- Yup, I'll be there.

41
00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:12,745
'Kay, babe. Love you.

42
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,816
I thought you said you
broke up with Heidi.

43
00:02:16,818 --> 00:02:18,651
I decided to give her one more chance.

44
00:02:18,653 --> 00:02:20,486
But you said she was mentally abusive.

45
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:21,754
She is mentally abusive.

46
00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:23,356
So then why did you take her back?

47
00:02:23,358 --> 00:02:26,242
Because she said she was gonna kill
herself. All right, guys? There.

48
00:02:26,286 --> 00:02:28,194
I broke up with her, and she
called me, being all like,

49
00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:29,696
"I can't live without you.

50
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:31,431
I'm scared what I'm gonna
do to myself. Oh, God."

51
00:02:31,433 --> 00:02:34,200
The bitch is crazy.
What am I supposed to do?

52
00:02:37,138 --> 00:02:38,605
Aah!

53
00:02:38,607 --> 00:02:40,573
Tweek.

54
00:02:40,575 --> 00:02:42,408
Dude, come on. You got to settle down.

55
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,377
I can't settle down!
We're all gonna die!

56
00:02:44,379 --> 00:02:46,613
We're not all gonna
die. You're overreacting.

57
00:02:46,615 --> 00:02:49,015
Everything's fine, okay?

58
00:02:49,017 --> 00:02:50,783
Oh, God! The president just tweeted

59
00:02:50,785 --> 00:02:53,186
that North Korea doesn't
have the guts to attack us!

60
00:02:53,188 --> 00:02:55,121
Why would he say that?!
He's making everything worse!

61
00:02:55,123 --> 00:02:56,556
- Tweek...
- But North Koreans are gonna think

62
00:02:56,558 --> 00:02:58,057
we all agree with the president!

63
00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:01,294
Okay, so how about you write
your congressman a letter.

64
00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:03,696
That won't help anything!
North Korea wants us dead!

65
00:03:03,698 --> 00:03:05,798
Okay, so write a letter
to the North Koreans.

66
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,901
I can't write in Korean and they
all think we're war-hungry anyway!

67
00:03:08,903 --> 00:03:11,404
Okay, well, then why don't
you just send something nice

68
00:03:11,406 --> 00:03:12,972
to the North Koreans.

69
00:03:12,974 --> 00:03:14,774
It'll make you feel better, babe.

70
00:03:14,776 --> 00:03:17,277
- Send something like what?!
- I dunno, like,

71
00:03:17,279 --> 00:03:18,911
make them some croissants or something.

72
00:03:18,913 --> 00:03:20,713
I don't know how to make croissants!

73
00:03:20,715 --> 00:03:22,715
Well, what do you know how to make?

74
00:03:22,717 --> 00:03:25,952
Mm... cupcakes!

75
00:03:25,954 --> 00:03:28,288
All right, go home and
make some cupcakes, honey.

76
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,756
Okay!

77
00:03:31,459 --> 00:03:33,393
- Hey, Stan?
- Yeah?

78
00:03:33,395 --> 00:03:35,395
Can I talk to you about Eric?

79
00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:36,763
Cartman? Okay...

80
00:03:36,765 --> 00:03:38,298
I just wanna make sure he's all right.

81
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,832
What do you mean?

82
00:03:39,834 --> 00:03:42,368
I don't even know if I
should be saying this but...

83
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,518
Eric said he was thinking
about killing himself.

84
00:03:44,519 --> 00:03:45,483
What?

85
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:48,608
We broke up, and he called
saying he was about to do it.

86
00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:50,743
I'm still really scared for him.

87
00:03:50,745 --> 00:03:53,313
Wait, Cartman said he
was gonna kill himself?

88
00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:55,648
I'll send you the voice-mail if
you promise to keep it private.

89
00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:56,983
Totally.

90
00:03:56,985 --> 00:04:00,186
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

91
00:04:00,188 --> 00:04:02,255
You have to take me back! You have to!

92
00:04:02,257 --> 00:04:04,324
I'm gonna kill myself, Heidi!

93
00:04:05,994 --> 00:04:08,161
I'll kill myself, and
then you'll be sorry!

94
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:10,763
You'll wish you could have
me back, but I'll be dead!

95
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:15,935
Please, Heidi! Please!

96
00:04:15,937 --> 00:04:17,670
Okay, okay.

97
00:04:17,672 --> 00:04:19,339
Really cool listening to
people's private voicemails.

98
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:21,248
You sound like a dying pig.

99
00:04:22,777 --> 00:04:25,845
That's great! I'm glad you
guys think suicide is so funny!

100
00:04:31,953 --> 00:04:34,165
??

101
00:04:40,195 --> 00:04:42,597
??

102
00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:50,853
??

103
00:04:57,835 --> 00:04:59,676
Entrée.

104
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,816
Yes, Eric. How can I help you?

105
00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:05,685
I don't think kids at this school

106
00:05:05,687 --> 00:05:08,221
take suicide seriously enough
and we need to raise awareness.

107
00:05:08,223 --> 00:05:09,822
Well, unfortunately this week

108
00:05:09,824 --> 00:05:11,824
is Distracted Driving
Awareness Week at school,

109
00:05:11,826 --> 00:05:13,326
so you might have a hard time.

110
00:05:13,328 --> 00:05:15,928
Distracted driving? Who
gives a shit about that?

111
00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,330
A lot of people.

112
00:05:17,332 --> 00:05:20,523
There's more deaths now because of people on
their phones while driving than ever before.

113
00:05:20,558 --> 00:05:22,535
PC Principal, someone's
life is at stake.

114
00:05:22,537 --> 00:05:25,171
If I have to compete
with distracted driving,

115
00:05:25,173 --> 00:05:26,706
then that's what I'll do.

116
00:05:26,708 --> 00:05:28,841
??

117
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:38,384
Huh? Oh!

118
00:05:38,386 --> 00:05:40,953
A young homosexual
boy known only as Tweek

119
00:05:40,955 --> 00:05:42,922
has touched the hearts of many

120
00:05:42,924 --> 00:05:45,858
by sending cupcakes to the
North Korean government.

121
00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:47,927
The little rascal apparently made a dent

122
00:05:47,929 --> 00:05:49,462
with the North Korean dictator,

123
00:05:49,464 --> 00:05:51,798
who is said to have
loved the cupcakes so much

124
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,267
that he is started to make his own...

125
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:56,202
Oh! Ahh.

126
00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:57,537
Huh?!

127
00:05:57,539 --> 00:06:00,406
"U.S. President responds to cupcakes..."

128
00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:02,241
The human interest cupcake story

129
00:06:02,243 --> 00:06:04,477
has apparently be
heard by the president.

130
00:06:04,479 --> 00:06:06,579
Just moments ago, the president tweeted,

131
00:06:06,581 --> 00:06:08,014
"I know that kid Tweek.

132
00:06:08,016 --> 00:06:10,616
He's fucking with you,
North Korea. Get a clue.

133
00:06:10,618 --> 00:06:12,985
I'll bet he took a dump in the batter."

134
00:06:12,987 --> 00:06:16,756
What?! Why would he say that?!

135
00:06:16,758 --> 00:06:18,057
Tweek, calm down.

136
00:06:18,059 --> 00:06:20,426
The president! He tweeted about me!

137
00:06:20,428 --> 00:06:22,228
Why would he do that?!
Did you see that?!

138
00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:24,163
Yes, I did see that.

139
00:06:24,165 --> 00:06:26,466
So I went and got you
something to make things better.

140
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:28,668
- What?!
- It's a fidget spinner.

141
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,971
It's supposed to help with anxiety. See?

142
00:06:31,973 --> 00:06:35,107
A fidget spinner?! Did you read
what the president tweeted?!

143
00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:37,977
The president of the United States

144
00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:39,846
just tweeted again, this time saying...

145
00:06:39,848 --> 00:06:43,616
"I hope all children of America
will stand with Tweek in saying,

146
00:06:43,618 --> 00:06:47,353
'Go ahead and bomb us, Kim Jong
Dong, we fucking dare you!'"

147
00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:55,027
Hey, guys. Take a minute to
read about distracted driving?

148
00:06:55,029 --> 00:06:57,463
Talk to all the grownups you know
about staying off their mobile devices

149
00:06:57,465 --> 00:06:58,648
when they get behind the wheel.

150
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,000
Hey, guys... Got a second to
help stop distracted driving?

151
00:07:01,002 --> 00:07:02,401
- Thanks. -
Hey, guys -

152
00:07:04,506 --> 00:07:06,472
Hey, guys, let's a take a minute

153
00:07:06,474 --> 00:07:08,174
and talk about suicide prevention.

154
00:07:08,176 --> 00:07:10,543
There's probably someone
right now at this school

155
00:07:10,545 --> 00:07:12,979
thinking about killing
himself, and it's not funny.

156
00:07:12,981 --> 00:07:16,182
You better take it serious
or he might actually do it.

157
00:07:16,184 --> 00:07:18,684
? I've been feelin' sad,
I've been bein' sad ?

158
00:07:18,686 --> 00:07:20,953
? Can't talk to my mom,
don't even have a dad ?

159
00:07:20,955 --> 00:07:23,322
? I can't go on,
what is living for? ?

160
00:07:23,324 --> 00:07:25,491
? My heart screams "I
don't wanna live no more" ?

161
00:07:25,493 --> 00:07:27,693
? Eric, we don't want you to die ?

162
00:07:27,695 --> 00:07:29,829
? Eric, give life a try ?

163
00:07:29,831 --> 00:07:32,231
? Eric, we don't want you to die ?

164
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,300
? Eric, oh, God, no, Eric ?

165
00:07:34,302 --> 00:07:38,070
I don't wanna live no more!

166
00:07:38,072 --> 00:07:41,040
? But Eric, we don't want you die ?

167
00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:43,342
? You're so cool,
we'd be sad at school ?

168
00:07:43,344 --> 00:07:45,645
? Yeah, but you guys,
you don't understand ?

169
00:07:45,647 --> 00:07:48,080
? With my girlfriend, it's
like I'm living in quicksand ?

170
00:07:48,082 --> 00:07:50,316
? Conflicting thoughts, I need
a battered wives' shelter ?

171
00:07:50,318 --> 00:07:52,818
? My girlfriend is messed up,
but all I wanna do is help her ?

172
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,820
? I'm suffocating, I'm
drowning in sorrow ?

173
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:57,356
? Gonna kill myself prob'ly
around 2:30 tomorrow ?

174
00:07:57,358 --> 00:08:00,059
? But, Eric, we don't
want you to die ?

175
00:08:00,061 --> 00:08:03,095
- ? Eric, give life a try ?
- Everybody!

176
00:08:03,097 --> 00:08:04,730
? Eric, we don't want you to die ?

177
00:08:04,732 --> 00:08:07,333
- ? Eric, oh, God, no, Eric ?
- But it's so hard!

178
00:08:07,335 --> 00:08:09,702
? Eric, we don't want you to die ?

179
00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:11,904
Only you guys can make a difference.

180
00:08:11,906 --> 00:08:14,674
I don't care if you're black,
white, gay, straight or trans,

181
00:08:14,676 --> 00:08:16,075
I am going to kill myself

182
00:08:16,077 --> 00:08:18,411
unless you all start
taking it seriously.

183
00:08:18,413 --> 00:08:21,814
? Eric, please don't die... ?

184
00:08:24,686 --> 00:08:26,485
Distracted driving my asshole.

185
00:08:29,257 --> 00:08:31,857
??

186
00:08:35,396 --> 00:08:36,929
Hey, Tweek.

187
00:08:36,931 --> 00:08:38,882
How's it going with the fidget spinner?

188
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:42,001
- Great!
- You seem a lot less anxious.

189
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:45,271
Things are finally turning around
for my little homosexual son.

190
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:49,575
- What is that?!
- I'm not sure.

191
00:08:54,248 --> 00:08:56,015
Aah! Aah!

192
00:09:02,223 --> 00:09:05,758
Yet no agreement has been reached
between the parties involved.

193
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:08,461
Breaking news now out of Colorado,

194
00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:10,930
where the North Koreans
appear to have fired a missile

195
00:09:10,932 --> 00:09:12,598
over Tweek's house.

196
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,233
Tweek, of course, the young boy

197
00:09:14,235 --> 00:09:16,469
who got the attention
of Kim Jong Un last week.

198
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:18,104
The news media in North Korea

199
00:09:18,106 --> 00:09:20,906
is calling the missile test
a victory for its people.

200
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:25,411
Today the great country
of North Korea...

201
00:09:25,413 --> 00:09:28,414
has proven its determination
and fortitude...

202
00:09:28,416 --> 00:09:31,917
by successfully firing a
missile over Tweek's house.

203
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,919
- Perhaps now Tweek...
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

204
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,187
Why's this happening to me?!

205
00:09:35,189 --> 00:09:36,922
They have to know this isn't my fault!

206
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:39,091
In response to the North Korean test,

207
00:09:39,093 --> 00:09:40,960
the president of the United States

208
00:09:40,962 --> 00:09:42,795
has just tweeted this statement...

209
00:09:42,797 --> 00:09:44,964
"You really think Tweek is scared?

210
00:09:44,966 --> 00:09:47,500
Tweek will single
handedly go to North Korea

211
00:09:47,502 --> 00:09:50,469
and fuck all you slanty
eyed bitches doggy style.

212
00:09:50,471 --> 00:09:53,439
What?! Why would he say that?!

213
00:09:53,441 --> 00:09:55,241
The president also tweeted...

214
00:09:55,243 --> 00:09:57,376
"If you even think
Tweek is worried about

215
00:09:57,378 --> 00:10:00,046
a bunch of dipshit poor ass
third world rice pickers,

216
00:10:00,048 --> 00:10:01,347
think again."

217
00:10:01,349 --> 00:10:03,649
Oh, my God! What is he doing?!

218
00:10:03,651 --> 00:10:06,485
- Tweek, Tweek. Calm down!
- Why won't he just stop?! Why?

219
00:10:06,487 --> 00:10:08,521
Tweek! Tweek, h-here's
your fidget spinner!

220
00:10:08,523 --> 00:10:09,855
Why does he keep making it worse?!

221
00:10:09,857 --> 00:10:11,390
Your fidget spinner,
Tweek! Come on, son!

222
00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:13,125
Aah!

223
00:10:13,127 --> 00:10:14,894
Focus on the fidget spinner.

224
00:10:20,461 --> 00:10:23,329
Oh, geez, looks like North
Korea launched another missile.

225
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,065
Oh, really, like another
test? Where are you looking?

226
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:29,068
I'm on Drudge. You see what
the president tweeted about it?

227
00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,337
- No, what'd he say?
- The president tweeted

228
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,059
"North Korea is the
butthole of Asia and...

229
00:10:33,094 --> 00:10:34,406
Innocent child!

230
00:10:34,408 --> 00:10:35,541
Aah!

231
00:10:35,543 --> 00:10:36,976
Aah!

232
00:11:00,434 --> 00:11:03,936
I know. I know, it's so sad.

233
00:11:06,574 --> 00:11:09,608
Well, how nice. That's
a little more like it.

234
00:11:09,610 --> 00:11:12,211
Well, guys, what
happened? Change of heart?

235
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,393
Yeah, you didn't hear?

236
00:11:13,462 --> 00:11:16,281
Gary Borkovec got ran over
by a distracted driver.

237
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:18,817
What?! Gary Borkovec? Is he dead?

238
00:11:18,819 --> 00:11:20,285
Yeah, dude, he's dead.

239
00:11:20,287 --> 00:11:21,520
Oh, that son of a bitch.

240
00:11:21,522 --> 00:11:23,188
I'm gonna talk to the principal!

241
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:24,723
Put down the candle, Kenny!

242
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,925
Like you ever gave a
shit about Gary Borkovec!

243
00:11:29,096 --> 00:11:31,730
Entrée vous.

244
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:34,099
PC Principal, I'm trying
to raise suicide awareness,

245
00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:35,634
but everyone's preoccupied

246
00:11:35,636 --> 00:11:37,703
with this "don't be on your
phone when driving" crap.

247
00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:39,738
Gary Borkovec was a good student.

248
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,140
He didn't deserve to be taken away

249
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:42,741
by someone not paying
attention to the road.

250
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,244
Yes, but Gary Borkovec is already dead.

251
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,912
There's nothing we can do for him.

252
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,081
Students need to focus on
people thinking about dying.

253
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,483
I don't know what more
you want from me, bro.

254
00:11:51,485 --> 00:11:53,986
I can't just get people to
care with a stupid rap song.

255
00:11:53,988 --> 00:11:56,255
I need a full orchestra...
Woodwinds, strings...

256
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,756
I need black people in white robes,

257
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,091
white people in black robes,

258
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,560
and a thousand doves
to release into the air.

259
00:12:01,562 --> 00:12:06,398
I can give you two student
volunteers and one pigeon.

260
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,934
Do you have any idea
how serious this is?

261
00:12:08,936 --> 00:12:10,869
As someone who deals
with suicidal thoughts,

262
00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:13,105
I cannot believe the lack
of concern at this school!

263
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,374
Maybe I should just take
the awareness of my suicide

264
00:12:15,376 --> 00:12:16,909
out to the public on the streets!

265
00:12:16,911 --> 00:12:18,210
Maybe you should.

266
00:12:18,212 --> 00:12:19,878
Maybe I will!

267
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:22,848
- Maybe you should.
- Maybe I will!

268
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:31,056
Ugh.

269
00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:32,257
Hey, Tweek.

270
00:12:32,259 --> 00:12:34,226
Look at what the president tweeted now!

271
00:12:34,228 --> 00:12:35,527
What time is it, dude?

272
00:12:35,529 --> 00:12:37,596
Just read it!

273
00:12:37,598 --> 00:12:40,766
"North Korea doesn't have
the balls to attack Tweek.

274
00:12:40,768 --> 00:12:42,935
They have little tiny rice balls."

275
00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:46,038
They're gonna get me,
Craig! Look at what's on CNN!

276
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,073
And the President's tweets
have certainly caught

277
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:49,842
the attention of North Korea,

278
00:12:49,844 --> 00:12:51,710
who have been spending
the past several days

279
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:54,546
viewing possible targets
for a nuclear strike

280
00:12:54,548 --> 00:12:56,381
if war were to break out...

281
00:12:56,383 --> 00:12:58,851
What am I gonna do?!

282
00:12:58,853 --> 00:13:00,452
You gotta calm down.

283
00:13:00,454 --> 00:13:02,020
How am I supposed to calm down?!

284
00:13:02,022 --> 00:13:03,489
North Korea is gonna get me!

285
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,224
They're gonna get me!
Tweek. Tweek. Tweek.

286
00:13:05,226 --> 00:13:06,692
Let's think this through logically.

287
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:09,261
North Korea isn't going
to attack anyone, okay?

288
00:13:09,263 --> 00:13:11,997
They're not going to start
a war they can't win. Okay?

289
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,432
- But, Craig, I...
- Tweek.

290
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,234
You have to stop thinking about it.

291
00:13:15,236 --> 00:13:17,669
Tell you what, we're
gonna go somewhere fun

292
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,071
and make you feel better.

293
00:13:20,541 --> 00:13:22,908
Give a minute of your
time for suicide awareness?

294
00:13:22,910 --> 00:13:24,243
Suicide is serious.

295
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:26,345
Help tell people like
Kyle it's not a joke.

296
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,313
Hey, good for you guys, trying to help.

297
00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:31,483
Yeah, make sure everyone you know
gets involved or else I'm gonna do it.

298
00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:33,285
We're getting a lot of attention, Eric.

299
00:13:33,287 --> 00:13:34,887
Our website's already full of kids

300
00:13:34,889 --> 00:13:37,523
saying they feel the same way
as you and want to get help.

301
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,057
They want to get help? For what?

302
00:13:39,059 --> 00:13:42,261
For wanting to take their own lives.

303
00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:44,396
No, this is about me killing myself.

304
00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:47,399
But, babe, there's a lot of kids
who feel the same way you do.

305
00:13:47,401 --> 00:13:49,401
They're full of shit, Heidi.

306
00:13:49,403 --> 00:13:50,936
They're just trying to get attention.

307
00:13:50,938 --> 00:13:53,438
What, are you actually talking
online to these asswipes?!

308
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,241
I thought this was about raising
awareness and helping people.

309
00:13:56,243 --> 00:13:59,144
So you're just gonna e-mail with every
every guy who has a dick and a deathwish?

310
00:13:59,146 --> 00:14:00,445
Are we just your type?

311
00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:02,681
- Eric, come on.
- No, look, Heidi.

312
00:14:02,683 --> 00:14:04,650
I'm sorry, but you're the
one who started all this

313
00:14:04,652 --> 00:14:06,251
by telling everybody
that I was suicidal.

314
00:14:06,253 --> 00:14:07,553
Okay?

315
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,388
Now I'm under a lot
of pressure to do it.

316
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,156
So the only option I
have is to make sure

317
00:14:11,158 --> 00:14:13,458
that suicide prevention
becomes this entire town's

318
00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:14,960
number-one priority!

319
00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,395
Oh, God, did you see

320
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,729
what the President
said about Asians now?

321
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:20,432
Look out!

322
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,970
Oh, are you freakin' serious?

323
00:14:30,421 --> 00:14:32,678
Okay, babe, what do
you wanna ride first?

324
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,980
Ugh! What are we doing here, Craig?

325
00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:37,649
We're gonna get your mind off
politics and have some fun.

326
00:14:37,651 --> 00:14:39,851
Now, what's your favorite ride?

327
00:14:39,853 --> 00:14:41,954
The Ferris wheel!

328
00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:50,862
Isn't this lovely, Tweek?
Just look at that view.

329
00:14:51,999 --> 00:14:53,332
Oh, God!

330
00:14:53,334 --> 00:14:54,733
Another tweet from the president!

331
00:14:54,735 --> 00:14:56,301
Oh, come on.

332
00:14:56,303 --> 00:14:59,438
"Why would the U.S. be
scared of North Korea?

333
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,873
Tweek is so not scared
he's at an amusement park

334
00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:03,141
in Denver right now."

335
00:15:03,143 --> 00:15:04,443
Jesus Christ!

336
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,877
We gotta get outta here!

337
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:07,980
Tweek! Tweek, use your brain.

338
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:10,682
North Korea isn't going to
attack an amusement park.

339
00:15:10,684 --> 00:15:12,484
You're safer here than anywhere.

340
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:16,221
Oh, geez.

341
00:15:16,223 --> 00:15:18,957
The president just called
Kim Jong-un a fat midget.

342
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,659
Oh, and now North Korea is
saying that they're gonna...

343
00:15:20,661 --> 00:15:21,627
Dad, look out!

344
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:22,661
Oh, shit!

345
00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:26,832
All right, everyone,

346
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,467
please wait for your bumper cars

347
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:29,901
to come to a complete stop.

348
00:15:29,903 --> 00:15:31,370
We hope you enjoyed Crazy Cars...

349
00:15:31,372 --> 00:15:34,172
Mommy, look out!

350
00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:41,313
Oh, my God, what is that?!

351
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,714
What is that?!

352
00:15:42,716 --> 00:15:45,217
It's probably nothing.
Everything's fine.

353
00:15:45,219 --> 00:15:48,053
Will you please stop saying
that?! I can't take it!

354
00:15:48,055 --> 00:15:49,655
I'm trying to make you feel better.

355
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,491
Well, maybe I don't wanna
feel better right now!

356
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,059
Okay, but think about that.

357
00:15:54,061 --> 00:15:55,694
That actually doesn't make any sense.

358
00:15:55,696 --> 00:15:57,562
Why do you have to be so logical?!

359
00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,498
I don't need you to
problem-solve all the time,

360
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,134
I need you to... Agh! I don't know!

361
00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:04,736
Tweek, honey, all week,
you've been freaking out,

362
00:16:04,738 --> 00:16:06,571
and I've been the one
forced to deal with it.

363
00:16:06,573 --> 00:16:08,040
You haven't been dealing with it,

364
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,775
you've been trying to make it go away

365
00:16:09,777 --> 00:16:11,731
because my emotions
are freaking you out!

366
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,014
Tweek, North Korea isn't bombing anyone.

367
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,616
They would lose the support of China,

368
00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:18,750
- and that would be...
- There you go again!

369
00:16:18,752 --> 00:16:20,018
Stop preaching facts to me!

370
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,386
It's not what I need!

371
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:23,522
Well, I'm sorry that
I'm actually in control

372
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,557
of my goddamn emotions, ya baby!

373
00:16:26,894 --> 00:16:29,061
Oh, see, now you made me
lose control of my emotions.

374
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:30,228
God damn it.

375
00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:42,043
Hey Craig, how come
Tweek's not at school?

376
00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:43,178
How should I know?

377
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,280
Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise?

378
00:16:45,282 --> 00:16:47,782
Look guys, Tweek
doesn't want help, okay?

379
00:16:47,784 --> 00:16:49,461
He just wants to overreact.

380
00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:51,753
Hey, guys, could we have your attention?

381
00:16:51,755 --> 00:16:53,755
Tomorrow night, we'll be
having a memorial service

382
00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:56,058
for all the students we've
lost to distracted driving.

383
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,592
We hope you can all bring your families.

384
00:16:57,594 --> 00:17:00,662
Cool, yeah. Hey, guys, and there's also
gonna be a suicide awareness pot luck

385
00:17:00,664 --> 00:17:02,597
at 7:30 tomorrow night
in the school gymnasium.

386
00:17:02,599 --> 00:17:04,800
We're gonna have lots of
games and face painting,

387
00:17:04,802 --> 00:17:06,401
and what are you guys gonna have?

388
00:17:06,403 --> 00:17:08,303
We're gonna have some guest speakers

389
00:17:08,305 --> 00:17:10,972
and also provide grievance
counselors for those who need it.

390
00:17:10,974 --> 00:17:12,808
Yeah, grievance counseling...
That sounds super fun.

391
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:15,777
Listen, guys, there's a very real chance
I might actually do it right in front

392
00:17:15,779 --> 00:17:17,179
of everyone tomorrow, so
you don't want to miss it.

393
00:17:17,181 --> 00:17:19,348
Suicide prevention pot luck, everybody.

394
00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:20,549
Eric, you need to stop.

395
00:17:20,551 --> 00:17:22,284
What they're doing is important.

396
00:17:22,286 --> 00:17:24,286
They're doing a memorial
service with speeches and crying.

397
00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:25,620
What's that gonna solve?

398
00:17:25,622 --> 00:17:27,289
It's not about problem solving, Eric.

399
00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:28,623
It's about people getting together

400
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,859
and feeling what they need to feel!

401
00:17:30,861 --> 00:17:33,362
People need help sorting
out their emotions sometimes.

402
00:17:33,364 --> 00:17:35,497
And the best thing isn't
always quick answers,

403
00:17:35,499 --> 00:17:37,432
But just being there,
supporting each other

404
00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:39,434
And talking through those feelings.

405
00:17:39,436 --> 00:17:40,869
You are so up and down.

406
00:17:40,871 --> 00:17:42,671
I don't know what you
want from me, Heidi!

407
00:17:42,673 --> 00:17:44,005
Come on. There has to be a way

408
00:17:44,007 --> 00:17:45,707
We can all work together, here.

409
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:47,275
So, now you're on their side!

410
00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:49,811
Oh, my God, I'm seriously
gonna do it right now!

411
00:17:49,813 --> 00:17:51,346
Eric!

412
00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:57,085
Tweek! What's going on?

413
00:17:57,087 --> 00:17:59,521
What? What do you mean what's going on?!

414
00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:01,523
The same shit that's been going on!

415
00:18:01,525 --> 00:18:03,024
Nothing's gotten any better?!

416
00:18:03,026 --> 00:18:05,327
Oh, my God, how does that make you feel?

417
00:18:05,329 --> 00:18:07,662
I feel scared! I feel alone!

418
00:18:07,664 --> 00:18:09,297
That must be horrible to feel that way!

419
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,266
It must be hard for you to even think!

420
00:18:11,268 --> 00:18:13,335
It is! It's terrible!

421
00:18:13,337 --> 00:18:17,239
I bet it's terrible!
What else are you feeling?

422
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:19,141
Like I have no control over my life.

423
00:18:19,143 --> 00:18:21,209
Like I'm just a pawn in a big game.

424
00:18:21,211 --> 00:18:22,844
Oh, that's a terrifying thought.

425
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:24,246
You must feel trapped.

426
00:18:24,248 --> 00:18:25,514
Yeah, like, trapped,

427
00:18:25,516 --> 00:18:27,249
But, like, completely
unable to even move.

428
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:28,817
Jesus!

429
00:18:28,819 --> 00:18:30,385
It's like there's no
solution to any of this!

430
00:18:30,387 --> 00:18:32,154
What are you gonna do? What can you do?

431
00:18:32,156 --> 00:18:35,257
I don't know. It's... It's like maybe...

432
00:18:35,259 --> 00:18:36,691
Maybe I have to find a way

433
00:18:36,693 --> 00:18:38,827
to feel a little in charge of me again.

434
00:18:38,829 --> 00:18:40,595
That sounds so insurmountable, though.

435
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:42,531
How would you even start?

436
00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:45,700
I don't know, but I-I gotta
do something about this.

437
00:18:45,702 --> 00:18:48,103
There's gotta be a way I can...

438
00:18:56,013 --> 00:18:58,079
Thank you, Craig.

439
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:01,283
I've got it.

440
00:19:01,285 --> 00:19:03,285
People aren't focused
on the right thing.

441
00:19:03,287 --> 00:19:05,854
I know what I should do.

442
00:19:07,151 --> 00:19:09,224
All right, everyone, listen up.

443
00:19:09,226 --> 00:19:11,560
Tonight, one of our students
has put together a song

444
00:19:11,562 --> 00:19:13,094
about a very important issue.

445
00:19:13,096 --> 00:19:15,263
It's a song about how
there are certain times

446
00:19:15,265 --> 00:19:16,932
to not be on your phone.

447
00:19:16,934 --> 00:19:19,434
I hope you all listen carefully.

448
00:19:29,546 --> 00:19:32,214
? People are dying ?

449
00:19:32,216 --> 00:19:35,050
? The fault is our own ?

450
00:19:35,052 --> 00:19:37,586
? You can do lots of damage ?

451
00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:40,155
? When you're on your phone ?

452
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:42,757
? We all have to agree ?

453
00:19:42,759 --> 00:19:45,660
? To change it somehow ?

454
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:51,933
? Let's all make a pledge
to end it right now ?

455
00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:53,268
? Put it down ?

456
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,803
? Don't be on your phone ?

457
00:19:54,805 --> 00:19:57,138
? While being President ?

458
00:19:57,140 --> 00:19:58,540
? Put it down ?

459
00:19:58,542 --> 00:20:00,275
? You might do something dumb ?

460
00:20:00,277 --> 00:20:02,410
? And cause an accident ?

461
00:20:02,412 --> 00:20:05,146
? Let all agree here today ?

462
00:20:05,148 --> 00:20:07,716
? That if we're leader of the USA ?

463
00:20:07,718 --> 00:20:09,618
? We'll put it down ?

464
00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:12,053
If at any point today,
you're being a president,

465
00:20:12,055 --> 00:20:13,188
put down your mobile device.

466
00:20:13,190 --> 00:20:14,656
? Put it down ?

467
00:20:14,658 --> 00:20:16,658
If I'm on the phone,
I will not get behind

468
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:18,493
the desk of an oval office.

469
00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:19,828
? Put it down ?

470
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:21,162
I'll take the pledge!

471
00:20:21,164 --> 00:20:22,364
I'll take the pledge!

472
00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:23,765
And I'll take the pledge.

473
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:26,034
? No one cares ?

474
00:20:26,036 --> 00:20:27,769
What's that? I was
just elected president?

475
00:20:27,771 --> 00:20:29,337
Well, then, goodbye!

476
00:20:29,339 --> 00:20:33,141
? Put it down if
you're President today ?

477
00:20:33,143 --> 00:20:35,844
? If you find yourself
being President today ?

478
00:20:35,846 --> 00:20:38,947
Hey Brian, look! I was
just elected President.

479
00:20:38,949 --> 00:20:41,149
That's great, Nancy.
Now, put down your phone.

480
00:20:41,151 --> 00:20:42,617
Right!

481
00:20:42,619 --> 00:20:45,554
? Ah, ah, ah,
ah-ah-ah, put it down ?

482
00:20:45,556 --> 00:20:48,056
? Give a standing ovation
for suicide in our nation ?

483
00:20:48,058 --> 00:20:50,792
? Or I will rip my own guts
out without one hesitation ?

484
00:20:50,794 --> 00:20:51,893
? Dedication, that's
what it's taken ?

485
00:20:51,895 --> 00:20:53,194
? To waken people to care ?

486
00:20:53,196 --> 00:20:54,462
? And still my future's so hazy ?

487
00:20:54,464 --> 00:20:55,830
? My girlfriend's making me crazy ?

488
00:20:55,832 --> 00:20:57,232
? But still I'm working so hard ?

489
00:20:57,234 --> 00:20:59,167
? You know, just trying to hold on ?

490
00:20:59,169 --> 00:21:01,369
? Cuz I know that you don't
miss me so much if I was gone ?

491
00:21:01,371 --> 00:21:02,737
? And all the voices start solo ?

492
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,239
? But every day, I hear them grow ?

493
00:21:04,241 --> 00:21:05,373
? Saying, Eric, don't do it ?

494
00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:07,342
? Don't do it, nooooo ?

495
00:21:07,344 --> 00:21:09,277
? Put it down ?

496
00:21:09,279 --> 00:21:13,014
? Don't be on your phone
while being president ?

497
00:21:13,016 --> 00:21:14,749
? Put it down ?

498
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:18,420
? You might do something
dumb and cause an accident ?

499
00:21:18,422 --> 00:21:21,056
? We all agree here today ?

500
00:21:21,058 --> 00:21:23,692
? That if we're leader of the USA ?

501
00:21:23,694 --> 00:21:26,561
? We'll put it down ?

502
00:21:29,232 --> 00:21:32,067
? Put it down ?

503
00:21:36,239 --> 00:21:38,073
I'm not gonna do it, you guys!

504
00:21:38,075 --> 00:21:39,641
It worked! I'm not gonna do it!

505
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:42,922
Sync and corrections by rickSG
www.addic7ed.com