1
00:00:00,811 --> 00:00:02,476
Jake, will you join me
in Terry's office?

2
00:00:02,512 --> 00:00:04,729
Oh, private rendezvous, huh?

3
00:00:04,765 --> 00:00:06,018
This whole trying to make a baby thing

4
00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:08,147
has got you super freak... hey, Terry!

5
00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:09,180
What's up, dude?

6
00:00:09,216 --> 00:00:10,366
What did you think was happening?

7
00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:12,800
He clearly thought you were
gonna have secret sex in here.

8
00:00:12,836 --> 00:00:14,954
What? Inappropes, much?

9
00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:17,224
I did not think that. Amy did.

10
00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:18,592
She texted me about it. See? Proof.

11
00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,527
- Anyway, what's up, Lieutenant?
- Santiago and I

12
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,596
are going to an administration workshop

13
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,531
- for the NYPD.
- And it's voluntary,

14
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,466
so only the cool kids
are going to be there.

15
00:00:26,501 --> 00:00:27,506
I love you so much. Continue.

16
00:00:27,542 --> 00:00:29,536
Anyways, you're in charge for the day.

17
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:30,671
Oh, boy. Here comes the lecture.

18
00:00:30,706 --> 00:00:33,306
"Be responsible, Jake. Don't
do anything crazy or fun."

19
00:00:33,341 --> 00:00:35,242
There's no lecture. I trust you.

20
00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:36,809
Well, but there always
used to be a lecture.

21
00:00:36,844 --> 00:00:38,411
Yeah, well, you're not the same

22
00:00:38,446 --> 00:00:40,713
immature, rebellious kid you used to be.

23
00:00:40,748 --> 00:00:42,282
Didn't you and Amy just buy

24
00:00:42,317 --> 00:00:43,883
a family-friendly midsize sedan?

25
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,386
In a rebellious color...
champagne... which is an alcohol.

26
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,920
And let's not forget,
I wanted to have sex

27
00:00:47,955 --> 00:00:48,955
in your office just now.

28
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,590
Yeah, to have a baby
and become a father!

29
00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:51,564
Yeah, he turned it around on me.

30
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,926
It's not bad that I trust you more now.

31
00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:55,428
Plus, there's not even that much

32
00:00:55,463 --> 00:00:56,429
for you guys to do today.

33
00:00:56,464 --> 00:00:58,898
I mean, the squad is on
reserve parade duty.

34
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,567
- Your job is to sit around.
- Good point.

35
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,768
Besides, what's the worst thing

36
00:01:01,803 --> 00:01:03,554
a responsible guy like me could do?

37
00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:05,472
Buckle your butts, everyone!

38
00:01:05,507 --> 00:01:07,307
The Jimmy Jab Games are back!

39
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:26,275
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

40
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,695
Squad, today we write a new chapter

41
00:01:29,730 --> 00:01:30,696
in the history of the Nine-Nine.

42
00:01:30,731 --> 00:01:32,665
And that chapter begins
with the word "Jimmy,"

43
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:33,932
and ends with the word "Jab."

44
00:01:33,967 --> 00:01:35,164
That chapter's only two words long.

45
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,669
No, there's a lot of words in between.

46
00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:37,936
It's a long chapter. The point is,

47
00:01:37,971 --> 00:01:39,505
today we compete against one another

48
00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:40,606
in a series of games,

49
00:01:40,641 --> 00:01:41,640
and this year's winner

50
00:01:41,675 --> 00:01:44,409
receives one day's paid vacation,

51
00:01:44,445 --> 00:01:45,678
courtesy of Officer Mark.

52
00:01:45,713 --> 00:01:47,879
You said you needed that day
for a private matter.

53
00:01:47,914 --> 00:01:49,281
You know what?
You shouldn't even be here.

54
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:50,382
Everyone say, "Thank you, Officer Mark.

55
00:01:50,417 --> 00:01:52,384
- Bye, Officer Mark."
- Thank you, Officer Mark.

56
00:01:52,419 --> 00:01:53,385
Bye, Officer Mark.

57
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:55,753
- Now, who's ready to compete?
- Count me in.

58
00:01:55,789 --> 00:01:58,259
I could really use this day off
to spend some time with my husband.

59
00:01:58,725 --> 00:01:59,857
Oh, please. We all have loved ones.

60
00:01:59,892 --> 00:02:01,626
You're not getting any sympathy
just because you're gay.

61
00:02:01,661 --> 00:02:02,827
Rosa, I don't think he was...

62
00:02:02,862 --> 00:02:04,729
No, I was. She saw right through me.

63
00:02:04,764 --> 00:02:08,700
Nevertheless, I will destroy you all.

64
00:02:08,735 --> 00:02:09,967
Copy that. I love your intensity.

65
00:02:10,002 --> 00:02:11,802
Now, Gina is gone,
so we're out of a host.

66
00:02:11,837 --> 00:02:12,970
Me! Please, me.

67
00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:14,199
It's my time to shine.

68
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,640
It's my "Greatest Showman" moment.

69
00:02:15,675 --> 00:02:16,779
Charles, you can't.

70
00:02:16,815 --> 00:02:18,304
You know who else they told "You can't"?

71
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:20,044
Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady.

72
00:02:20,079 --> 00:02:22,552
But then, Mr. Barnum gave her a stage.

73
00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:24,349
Give me my stage, Jacob.

74
00:02:24,384 --> 00:02:25,750
Wait, so you're the bearded lady?

75
00:02:25,785 --> 00:02:28,235
No! I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron,

76
00:02:28,271 --> 00:02:29,875
and everyone else is one of my freaks.

77
00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:31,392
Look, I would love
to give you the hosting duties

78
00:02:31,428 --> 00:02:33,491
so you can work through
whatever weird fantasy this is,

79
00:02:33,526 --> 00:02:34,825
but we need at least six players

80
00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:35,896
and the host can't play.

81
00:02:35,932 --> 00:02:37,476
Then I'll find someone to replace me.

82
00:02:37,597 --> 00:02:40,096
I promise you will have
your circus, Mr. Barnum.

83
00:02:40,131 --> 00:02:41,665
- I thought you were Barnum.
- No!

84
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,244
I'm the greatest showman!

85
00:02:44,754 --> 00:02:46,254
Isn't that Barnum?

86
00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:48,739
Debbie, ah, just who I was looking for.

87
00:02:48,774 --> 00:02:50,940
Oh, no. Am I in your seat?
I'll sit on the floor.

88
00:02:50,975 --> 00:02:52,851
Wh-what? No. No, don't do that.

89
00:02:53,077 --> 00:02:54,544
No, I was just wondering

90
00:02:54,579 --> 00:02:56,079
if you would like to take my place

91
00:02:56,114 --> 00:02:57,714
in a little squad competition today.

92
00:02:57,749 --> 00:03:00,884
Mm. I can't do competitions.
I'm anti-dexterous.

93
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,519
- Hmm?
- It's when neither hand

94
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:05,190
- is good at anything.
- Oh, Debbie.

95
00:03:05,749 --> 00:03:07,283
I was once like you.

96
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:10,059
A bashful beat cop with long, curly hair

97
00:03:10,094 --> 00:03:11,595
and no confidence at all.

98
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,442
That's impossible. You're so suave.

99
00:03:14,478 --> 00:03:15,732
Sure, now I am.

100
00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,701
But I came a long way,

101
00:03:17,736 --> 00:03:19,869
and I did it by challenging myself

102
00:03:19,904 --> 00:03:21,628
to do things I never thought I could.

103
00:03:22,006 --> 00:03:24,140
This is your chance
to find that confidence.

104
00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:25,895
- I don't know.
- Debbie...

105
00:03:26,662 --> 00:03:27,677
trust me.

106
00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:29,406
Okay.

107
00:03:29,914 --> 00:03:32,236
But only because I trust everyone.

108
00:03:33,084 --> 00:03:35,751
So, Diaz, I've never been more excited.

109
00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:37,620
My first time playing the Jimmy Jabs,

110
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:38,822
and I'm destined to win.

111
00:03:38,857 --> 00:03:39,889
Look at my competition.

112
00:03:39,924 --> 00:03:41,090
Little Miss Hay For Brains.

113
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,158
The Hay Brains,

114
00:03:42,193 --> 00:03:44,160
and King Brain Made of Hay.

115
00:03:44,195 --> 00:03:45,394
Well, you're forgetting about me.

116
00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:46,662
- I'm also your competition.
- Yes,

117
00:03:46,697 --> 00:03:48,631
but you don't normally
care about games like these.

118
00:03:48,666 --> 00:03:50,666
Well, I do care about this game.

119
00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:52,844
And you're gonna lose because
my brains aren't made of hay.

120
00:03:53,369 --> 00:03:54,946
My brains are made of brains.

121
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:57,377
Oh, ho.

122
00:03:57,991 --> 00:03:59,425
The perfect retort.

123
00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:02,078
Gather up, it's Jimmy Jab time!

124
00:04:02,113 --> 00:04:03,979
Ooh, are you doing opening ceremonies?

125
00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:05,514
Yeah, and you might wanna leave

126
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,849
before things get too crazy.

127
00:04:06,884 --> 00:04:08,651
A little plausible deniability.

128
00:04:08,686 --> 00:04:10,320
Actually, I wanna record 'em.

129
00:04:10,356 --> 00:04:11,791
May you can teach other precincts

130
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:13,589
how to throw their own versions
to boost morale.

131
00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:14,790
No, I'm not a teacher.

132
00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:16,992
I'm a class clown/bad boy
with a heart of gold. Whatever.

133
00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:18,176
Charles, just start.

134
00:04:18,513 --> 00:04:21,216
Ladies and gentlemen.

135
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,261
The moment you've been waiting for.

136
00:04:23,488 --> 00:04:25,241
Wow, he went full "Showman."

137
00:04:25,277 --> 00:04:27,703
I present to you six freaks,

138
00:04:27,738 --> 00:04:29,805
who, through a series
of elaborate games,

139
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,040
will be eliminated one by one

140
00:04:32,075 --> 00:04:34,184
until a champion is crowned.

141
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:36,466
And that champion shall...

142
00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:38,881
inherit my circus.

143
00:04:38,916 --> 00:04:40,616
- And get a day off.
- I was getting there, Ro-Ro.

144
00:04:40,651 --> 00:04:41,851
- Let me have my fun.
- Yeah, Ro-Ro,

145
00:04:41,886 --> 00:04:42,852
let him have his fun.

146
00:04:42,887 --> 00:04:45,220
As always, we start the games

147
00:04:45,255 --> 00:04:48,957
by lighting the ceremonial
bagel of destiny.

148
00:04:48,992 --> 00:04:53,128
Ah, it's actually
the baguette of destiny

149
00:04:53,163 --> 00:04:56,231
because this year, we're
throwing caution to the wind.

150
00:04:56,266 --> 00:04:57,916
Charles, flame me.

151
00:04:58,501 --> 00:05:00,702
? Jimmy Jabs Jimmy Jabs ?

152
00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:04,639
? Jimmy Jabs ?

153
00:05:04,674 --> 00:05:07,175
And with that, we commence...

154
00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:08,977
my ten minute opening performance.

155
00:05:09,012 --> 00:05:11,372
- What?
- ? The crowd is ready ?

156
00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:12,590
? The freaks are here ?

157
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,683
Wow, this is a really long performance.

158
00:05:15,718 --> 00:05:17,152
Charles pulled off a costume change.

159
00:05:17,187 --> 00:05:18,287
I wouldn't say he pulled it off.

160
00:05:18,322 --> 00:05:20,395
He accidentally got bottomless
in front of all of us.

161
00:05:20,431 --> 00:05:21,430
- Yeah.
- Peralta,

162
00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:23,158
how about we make these games
a little more exciting

163
00:05:23,193 --> 00:05:24,927
- with a wager?
- Ooh, interesting.

164
00:05:24,962 --> 00:05:26,761
- What'd you have in mind?
- If you win,

165
00:05:26,796 --> 00:05:28,029
I'll do your paperwork for a year.

166
00:05:28,064 --> 00:05:30,064
- Go on.
- If I win, I get your new car.

167
00:05:30,099 --> 00:05:31,232
You're joking, right?

168
00:05:31,267 --> 00:05:32,366
Why? Because you can't imagine

169
00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:35,102
someone bitchin' like me
driving a lame family sedan?

170
00:05:35,137 --> 00:05:37,379
No, because Jake
would never bet our car.

171
00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:38,881
Yeah, I would never do that.

172
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:40,174
But also, it's not lame.

173
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,009
It's the color of an alcohol.
Everyone's talking about it.

174
00:05:42,044 --> 00:05:43,778
No, Jake, it's a super lame car.

175
00:05:43,813 --> 00:05:44,746
But I don't mind.

176
00:05:44,781 --> 00:05:45,847
My ex-step-son
kicked me out of the house,

177
00:05:45,882 --> 00:05:48,082
and I need a place to crash
with air conditioning.

178
00:05:48,117 --> 00:05:49,603
Look, the bet is not happening.

179
00:05:49,639 --> 00:05:51,339
Sorry, Amy, but this is
between Jake and me.

180
00:05:51,509 --> 00:05:53,287
Dude, what happened to the cool guy

181
00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:55,757
that liked to make bets
with his best bud?

182
00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:57,258
Okay, Hitchcock, drop it.

183
00:05:57,293 --> 00:05:59,293
Jake doesn't do
that kind of thing anymore.

184
00:05:59,328 --> 00:06:01,195
- He's an adult now.
- Hitchcock, you're on!

185
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,263
- He is?
- I am?

186
00:06:02,298 --> 00:06:04,766
I don't know. Yes! Yes, you are.

187
00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:06,100
Damn it, my pants.

188
00:06:06,135 --> 00:06:08,202
Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away.

189
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,292
Oh, damn.

190
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:10,599
Wow, who knew?

191
00:06:10,956 --> 00:06:12,808
He really is the greatest showman.

192
00:06:15,987 --> 00:06:17,091
What the hell are you doing?

193
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,536
Why did you just bet our new car?

194
00:06:18,572 --> 00:06:19,743
Because it's fun.

195
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:20,978
And because it's who I am.

196
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,113
I mean, remember all those crazy bets

197
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,396
we used to make when you were
falling in love with me?

198
00:06:23,432 --> 00:06:25,816
I remember the bets we made
when I found you obnoxious

199
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:27,152
and difficult to be around.

200
00:06:27,188 --> 00:06:28,786
Yes, those bets. See, you remember.

201
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:31,059
- This is just like that.
- Hey, Santiago, it's time to head out.

202
00:06:31,095 --> 00:06:32,061
Actually, I'm not leaving.

203
00:06:32,097 --> 00:06:33,389
I'm gonna stay for the games.

204
00:06:33,425 --> 00:06:35,660
Ohh, look who's coming around already.

205
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,662
- We're gonna have fun.
- No, this isn't fun.

206
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:39,830
A voluntary
administration workshop is fun.

207
00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:42,366
Yeah, I hear it ends with
a six page self-assessment.

208
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:43,467
Oh, come on, Terry!

209
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:44,490
You don't have to rub it in!

210
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,671
Welcome to the first competition.

211
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,877
Which one of you will meet your maker?

212
00:06:50,024 --> 00:06:52,725
Be sure not to foul out,

213
00:06:52,878 --> 00:06:55,046
or you will meet your end.

214
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,047
We don't know what the game is,

215
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,147
so these puns don't work.

216
00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:58,687
It's a meat throwing challenge.

217
00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:01,908
All of the expired cold cuts
from the kitchen refrigerator

218
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,461
are under this tarp.

219
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,456
Voila!

220
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:08,141
You will toss a meat of your choosing

221
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:11,573
at the break room window
from ten feet away.

222
00:07:11,753 --> 00:07:14,108
If it sticks to the glass,
well, then you move on.

223
00:07:14,144 --> 00:07:16,319
- If it doesn't, then you're a...
- Cold cut?

224
00:07:16,355 --> 00:07:17,988
Yes, now you're getting it.
Thank you, Rosa.

225
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,429
- Yah!
- Jake sticks it.

226
00:07:21,538 --> 00:07:22,903
Amy sticks it.

227
00:07:23,575 --> 00:07:24,731
Scully sticks it.

228
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:26,395
Hitchcock sticks it.

229
00:07:27,286 --> 00:07:29,319
Holt old school sticks it.

230
00:07:29,385 --> 00:07:30,451
Ro-Ro sticks it.

231
00:07:30,595 --> 00:07:32,393
Debbie... where's Debbie?

232
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,886
I can't do this, Charles.
I didn't even grab a meat.

233
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:40,090
I'm not some expert
cold cut thrower like you.

234
00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:42,911
Everyone, I need a second
for a freak in trouble.

235
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:45,428
Debbie, I once stood here
in front of this squad

236
00:07:45,463 --> 00:07:46,895
- and felt like I didn't belong.
- But...

237
00:07:46,930 --> 00:07:48,197
But nothing. This is your chance

238
00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:49,198
to do something great.

239
00:07:49,233 --> 00:07:50,600
Debbie, this is your moment.

240
00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:53,396
Take it, and stick this meat.

241
00:07:54,623 --> 00:07:56,080
- Is this turkey?
- Yes.

242
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,643
I'm very allergic to turkey.

243
00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:00,909
- Hold her down!
- Ahh!

244
00:08:02,071 --> 00:08:03,071
So Debbie's out.

245
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:04,947
But she'll be fine, thanks to her purse

246
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:06,049
full of EpiPens.

247
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,217
And now, that brings us
to the end of round one,

248
00:08:08,252 --> 00:08:11,317
which mean it is time for another song.

249
00:08:11,955 --> 00:08:14,757
? It was the meet of the moment ?

250
00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:16,458
? Meat, meat, meat of the moment ?

251
00:08:16,493 --> 00:08:18,694
- Yeah, we'll be back in five.
- ? Throw, throw, throw it ?

252
00:08:18,729 --> 00:08:20,195
? At the window, window, window ?

253
00:08:20,230 --> 00:08:22,430
So I bet you're wondering
how I did so well

254
00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:24,633
- in that last competition.
- Actually, I was impressed

255
00:08:24,668 --> 00:08:25,691
you didn't eat any of the meat.

256
00:08:25,727 --> 00:08:26,750
Well, I don't deserve all the credit.

257
00:08:26,786 --> 00:08:28,586
Scully, show 'em
what we're working with.

258
00:08:28,622 --> 00:08:30,851
This is Dorothy, my pill box.

259
00:08:32,755 --> 00:08:34,222
- Good God.
- My friend here

260
00:08:34,258 --> 00:08:35,878
has dozens of medications prescribed

261
00:08:35,913 --> 00:08:36,913
for all of his ailments.

262
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,082
They make him normal.

263
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,151
They make me limitless.

264
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,288
This blood thinner
can suppress appetite.

265
00:08:42,568 --> 00:08:45,369
This eczema pill can cause
extreme muscle spasms.

266
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:46,488
Which is pretty inconvenient,

267
00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:48,623
unless you need to hurl meat
across the room.

268
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,060
My God. He's doping.

269
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,343
Welcome to the big leagues.

270
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:54,996
Well, looks like things

271
00:08:55,031 --> 00:08:56,631
just got a little more interesting.

272
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,099
No, they got worse.

273
00:08:58,134 --> 00:09:00,068
Amy, it's like Torrance
from "Bring It On" says,

274
00:09:00,103 --> 00:09:02,270
"You'll never be the best
until you win against the best.

275
00:09:02,305 --> 00:09:03,531
Didn't they lose in the end?

276
00:09:03,567 --> 00:09:04,806
Yeah, but this is different.

277
00:09:04,841 --> 00:09:05,940
Hitchcock isn't nearly as good

278
00:09:05,975 --> 00:09:06,908
as the East Compton Clovers.

279
00:09:06,943 --> 00:09:09,285
It's like, where's your head at?

280
00:09:09,496 --> 00:09:11,258
It's gonna be fine.
It might not be fine.

281
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,648
Diaz, congratulations on moving on

282
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,652
to the second round,
said I, sarcastically.

283
00:09:16,688 --> 00:09:17,811
Oh, you're still in this.

284
00:09:17,847 --> 00:09:20,288
I knew a uniformed officer
had been eliminated,

285
00:09:20,323 --> 00:09:21,923
I just couldn't remember which one.

286
00:09:21,958 --> 00:09:24,516
Okay, we're both great
at insults. Let's move on.

287
00:09:24,591 --> 00:09:27,393
Tell me, why do you wanna
win this game so badly?

288
00:09:27,513 --> 00:09:30,414
Honestly... I guess I still feel like

289
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,345
my parents don't accept my sexuality.

290
00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,036
And winning this
will let me prove to myself

291
00:09:35,071 --> 00:09:37,274
that as long as I feel good
about who I am,

292
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,379
that's all that matters.

293
00:09:40,209 --> 00:09:41,843
That's a load of dung.

294
00:09:41,878 --> 00:09:43,845
You processed that parent stuff
a year ago.

295
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,114
You're right, we're going
to drag brunch this Sunday.

296
00:09:46,149 --> 00:09:50,785
No. There's something private
that is fueling you.

297
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:52,485
And when I find that private fuel,

298
00:09:52,521 --> 00:09:54,649
I will extract it
to use as my private fuel

299
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:56,021
in my private fuel tank.

300
00:09:56,057 --> 00:09:58,558
Then I will have a full tank
of private fuel,

301
00:09:58,594 --> 00:10:01,079
and you will have an empty tank
of private...

302
00:10:01,654 --> 00:10:02,654
Rosa.

303
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:05,177
Welcome to K-9 Hide-and-Seek.

304
00:10:05,468 --> 00:10:07,201
You'll be given five minutes to hide,

305
00:10:07,236 --> 00:10:09,035
during which time Officer Frisbee

306
00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:10,407
will be learning your scent.

307
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,038
Whoever he finds first is out.

308
00:10:12,073 --> 00:10:13,807
- How'd you get our clothes?
- Doesn't matter.

309
00:10:13,842 --> 00:10:15,041
Now, hide, freaks!

310
00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:17,666
Hide from the society that shunned you!

311
00:10:17,846 --> 00:10:19,467
_

312
00:10:20,949 --> 00:10:22,540
What? Why aren't you hiding?
Are you quitting?

313
00:10:22,576 --> 00:10:24,138
Oh, no, quite the opposite.

314
00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:26,831
This little guy keeps
Scully's liver from imploding,

315
00:10:26,867 --> 00:10:28,166
but it has a neat side effect.

316
00:10:28,202 --> 00:10:30,269
It also masks your natural odor

317
00:10:30,305 --> 00:10:32,106
and makes you smell like a dead fish.

318
00:10:32,194 --> 00:10:34,060
- Ew.
- Who's got two stinky thumbs

319
00:10:34,095 --> 00:10:35,648
that stink like rotten salmon?

320
00:10:36,064 --> 00:10:37,477
This stinky guy.

321
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:38,535
You suck.

322
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:42,368
Ready or not, here comes my hellhound!

323
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,631
I'm a mop.

324
00:10:58,786 --> 00:10:59,619
Shh.

325
00:10:59,654 --> 00:11:01,918
The flattop has left the big top.

326
00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:03,573
Uh, wait, where's Jake?

327
00:11:03,609 --> 00:11:04,557
Well, there's a TV cart

328
00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:06,091
suspiciously in the middle of the room,

329
00:11:06,126 --> 00:11:07,226
that ceiling tile's out of place,

330
00:11:07,261 --> 00:11:09,762
and he said he was going
to hide somewhere reckless,

331
00:11:09,797 --> 00:11:11,764
so I'm guessing he's up there.

332
00:11:11,799 --> 00:11:14,200
That's right, Amy. I'm in the ceiling.

333
00:11:14,235 --> 00:11:16,101
Unlike you boring, old fogies,

334
00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:18,637
I found the craziest...

335
00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:22,435
Don't worry.

336
00:11:23,042 --> 00:11:25,261
My bones and ribs broke my fall.

337
00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:28,673
Time for our next competition,

338
00:11:28,708 --> 00:11:29,907
So if you're not staying here,
The Hellevator.

339
00:11:29,942 --> 00:11:33,644
You see, normally, our elevator
can hold up to 12 freaks.

340
00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,347
But what if it's filled with boxes,

341
00:11:35,382 --> 00:11:37,315
and those freaks are wearing bomb suits?

342
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:39,517
Well then, its capacity drops to four.

343
00:11:39,552 --> 00:11:42,954
Oh, but Mr. Barnum,
there are five freaks here.

344
00:11:42,989 --> 00:11:44,822
Whatever shall we do?

345
00:11:44,857 --> 00:11:45,991
That's the twist.

346
00:11:46,026 --> 00:11:47,925
You have to fight for your spot.

347
00:11:47,961 --> 00:11:50,197
And once those elevator doors close,

348
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:51,829
one of you will be out.

349
00:11:51,864 --> 00:11:55,766
Oh, did I mention, you have
to do it all in bomb suits?

350
00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:57,535
Yes, that was one of
the first things you mentioned.

351
00:11:57,570 --> 00:11:59,645
Oh, sorry.
I was thinking of my next song.

352
00:11:59,972 --> 00:12:02,263
Anyway, suit up, freaks!

353
00:12:05,177 --> 00:12:06,811
- You're pretty hurt, huh?
- Yeah.

354
00:12:06,846 --> 00:12:08,045
It's very exciting.

355
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,680
I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit.

356
00:12:09,715 --> 00:12:10,882
I mean, sure, I can't lift my arms,

357
00:12:10,918 --> 00:12:12,938
but Seabiscuit won
without even having arms.

358
00:12:13,351 --> 00:12:15,266
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know. I fell.

359
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,521
We're already married.
It doesn't matter.

360
00:12:16,556 --> 00:12:17,727
Well, you guys are in for a beating.

361
00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:19,657
What, is that some kind of kidney pill?

362
00:12:19,692 --> 00:12:21,231
It's to reduce my various swellings.

363
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:22,326
Basically, it's just speed.

364
00:12:22,361 --> 00:12:24,160
- That's illegal, and...
- Ack-ack-ack-ack!

365
00:12:24,195 --> 00:12:25,996
Okay, here we go, everyone.

366
00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:29,338
The game begins
when the elevator doors ding.

367
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,035
Are you ready for the Hellevator?

368
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,538
Buckle up. The juice is loose!

369
00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:38,474
Here we go, Hitchcock!

370
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:39,676
What the [bleep]?

371
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:44,915
Jake, let me in, let me in! Are you in?

372
00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,650
Amy, I'm not gonna make it!

373
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:48,484
You just go for the day off.
You've earned it.

374
00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:49,719
No, we're gonna lose the car!

375
00:12:49,754 --> 00:12:50,987
Oh, crap! Right, the car.

376
00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:52,422
Oh, no, we're gonna lose the car!

377
00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:53,851
Hell no, we won't!

378
00:12:55,927 --> 00:12:57,298
She "Armageddon'd" me.

379
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,239
I don't know what that means.

380
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:03,760
Another love's sacrifice,

381
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:05,601
and another lover reborn.

382
00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:07,436
These games truly have it all.

383
00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:09,287
And now, a quick intermission

384
00:13:09,328 --> 00:13:11,607
for one of my legendary costume changes.

385
00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:14,409
All right, come on, Charles.

386
00:13:14,444 --> 00:13:16,879
Quick change, no time for touch-ups.

387
00:13:16,914 --> 00:13:18,195
We're running long.

388
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,950
- Ow!
- Oh, Debbie.

389
00:13:20,985 --> 00:13:23,018
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm just recovering

390
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,219
from the EpiPen.

391
00:13:24,254 --> 00:13:25,854
I'm sorry I messed everything up.

392
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,856
I'm just not cut out
for this high-stakes world

393
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,160
of having fun with friends.

394
00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:31,793
First off, if you think you
messed this up, you're crazy.

395
00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:33,061
Nothing can mess up the performance

396
00:13:33,096 --> 00:13:34,121
I'm putting on out there.

397
00:13:34,157 --> 00:13:36,631
Secondly, what you did
today was incredible.

398
00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:38,865
I got disqualified immediately.

399
00:13:40,137 --> 00:13:43,037
Did I ever tell you the story
of my Jimmy Jabs humiliation?

400
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,873
No. You pretty much
never talked to me till today.

401
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:49,544
Well, it was 2009,
it was the opening ceremonies

402
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:50,945
and I couldn't be more excited.

403
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,914
I even got my hair styled
just for the event.

404
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:55,217
Charles, flame me.

405
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,953
I was out before the games even began.

406
00:13:58,988 --> 00:14:01,823
But I wouldn't change
that moment for the world

407
00:14:01,858 --> 00:14:05,627
because it made me realize
that not even flames

408
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:07,628
can grind me down to dust.

409
00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:10,964
There is a place for us,
for we are glorious.

410
00:14:10,999 --> 00:14:14,768
- You are the bearded lady.
- We are all the bearded lady.

411
00:14:14,803 --> 00:14:17,070
Now ask yourself what have
you always wanted to do,

412
00:14:17,105 --> 00:14:18,839
- but were too scared to try?
- Sing.

413
00:14:18,874 --> 00:14:20,141
- What?
- I wanna sing

414
00:14:20,176 --> 00:14:22,437
- in front of everyone.
- Okay, little lady,

415
00:14:22,473 --> 00:14:23,976
you get that voice warmed up

416
00:14:24,011 --> 00:14:26,279
because you are doing
the closing ceremonies.

417
00:14:26,314 --> 00:14:28,692
I can't. I haven't prepared.

418
00:14:28,728 --> 00:14:30,129
I don't even know the song.

419
00:14:30,165 --> 00:14:33,019
Welcome to show business.
It waits for no one.

420
00:14:33,054 --> 00:14:34,298
You're on in an hour.

421
00:14:34,855 --> 00:14:37,257
So Diaz, I figured out
why you wanna win.

422
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:38,824
I hacked your work calendar.

423
00:14:38,859 --> 00:14:39,812
Those calendars are public.

424
00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:41,093
Everyone on the system has access.

425
00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:42,262
I hacked it. I'm a hacker.

426
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:44,830
Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago,

427
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:47,767
and yet, you already
want another day off?

428
00:14:47,802 --> 00:14:51,171
Odd, unless you need it for a unique,

429
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:53,005
once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.

430
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,492
Perhaps a proposal
to your girlfriend Jocelyn.

431
00:14:56,977 --> 00:14:58,199
- What?
- You've been dating for a year,

432
00:14:58,235 --> 00:14:59,512
you've met each other's parents,

433
00:14:59,547 --> 00:15:01,865
and you just got your nails done

434
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,932
to present her with a ring.

435
00:15:05,853 --> 00:15:07,853
- Jocelyn broke up with me.
- What?

436
00:15:07,888 --> 00:15:09,307
I want the day off so I can sit alone

437
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,157
and listen to death metal
and get my head right.

438
00:15:11,273 --> 00:15:13,373
But what about my nail polish solve?

439
00:15:13,409 --> 00:15:14,894
Getting my nails done
made me feel better

440
00:15:14,929 --> 00:15:17,697
- for a second.
- Ahh!

441
00:15:17,732 --> 00:15:19,298
This is a trick to throw me off.

442
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:21,407
I bet things
are better than ever and you...

443
00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:22,496
Oh.

444
00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:24,263
You really are crying.

445
00:15:25,239 --> 00:15:28,708
Welcome to my most sadistic creation.

446
00:15:28,743 --> 00:15:31,711
The tangled nightmare of extension cords

447
00:15:31,746 --> 00:15:33,495
that lives in our supply closet.

448
00:15:33,531 --> 00:15:37,716
Your mission is to untangle
your lamp's cord, plug it in,

449
00:15:37,751 --> 00:15:40,852
and then pull yourself to it
on your dolly and turn it on.

450
00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:43,221
Oh, nice. Hitchcock's
coming down from the speed.

451
00:15:43,256 --> 00:15:44,555
I have a chance.

452
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:46,385
Freaks, begin!

453
00:15:48,394 --> 00:15:50,254
Jake!

454
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:53,760
- What is that?
- Grab the top one

455
00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:55,463
- and yank the bottom one!
- Oh, thank God

456
00:15:55,499 --> 00:15:56,572
that's what she meant.

457
00:15:56,608 --> 00:15:58,102
Although, I'm open
to whatever you wanna try.

458
00:15:58,138 --> 00:15:59,237
Here we go.

459
00:15:59,272 --> 00:16:00,705
Diaz, I wanna apologize.

460
00:16:01,254 --> 00:16:02,688
I'm not talking to you.

461
00:16:02,942 --> 00:16:04,876
Oh, oh, Amy, it worked!

462
00:16:04,911 --> 00:16:06,745
- The banging worked!
- What? No!

463
00:16:06,780 --> 00:16:07,975
Here we go.

464
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,476
Go.

465
00:16:13,285 --> 00:16:14,284
Gotcha.

466
00:16:14,419 --> 00:16:15,385
You're never gonna catch me.

467
00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:18,856
Yes, I did it!

468
00:16:18,891 --> 00:16:20,257
And Hitchcock's gonna lose!

469
00:16:20,292 --> 00:16:21,892
Rosa and Holt are gonna beat him.

470
00:16:21,927 --> 00:16:23,402
Rosa, stop. I give up.

471
00:16:23,628 --> 00:16:25,695
I want you to know I'm sorry for prying.

472
00:16:25,730 --> 00:16:27,495
Win this thing, and enjoy your day off.

473
00:16:27,531 --> 00:16:29,366
And if you ever want
a friend to sit with you

474
00:16:29,401 --> 00:16:32,202
and silently listen to death metal,

475
00:16:32,237 --> 00:16:34,780
just know I'm always here.

476
00:16:35,413 --> 00:16:37,323
Okay. I'd like that.

477
00:16:38,677 --> 00:16:40,410
Ah, no! What are you freaks doing?

478
00:16:40,445 --> 00:16:41,651
We're leaving the competition.

479
00:16:41,687 --> 00:16:44,081
Some things are more important
than a game.

480
00:16:44,116 --> 00:16:46,149
No, they're not!
Wait, where are you going?

481
00:16:46,184 --> 00:16:47,852
Don't leave! We need you to...

482
00:16:52,990 --> 00:16:55,393
Why does the ceiling hate me?

483
00:16:57,916 --> 00:16:59,483
I don't get it.
Why did you make this bet

484
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,719
- in the first place?
- I don't know.

485
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:02,853
Terry kept saying all that stuff

486
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:03,854
about how I matured,

487
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,789
and I got worried
I was becoming a boring adult.

488
00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:07,391
You are not a boring adult.

489
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,513
No. I am.

490
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,194
You wanna know why I really wanted

491
00:17:11,229 --> 00:17:12,686
that year of no paperwork?

492
00:17:12,722 --> 00:17:13,731
It's so if we did get pregnant,

493
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,698
I would have more time
to help with the baby.

494
00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,835
- Aww.
- No, save your "aww."

495
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,170
I don't deserve it. I'm just
some boring, responsible guy

496
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,672
that's about to lose our car.

497
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,041
- You're still pretty irresponsible.
- Aww.

498
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,076
You're just saying that
'cause you're my wife.

499
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,578
No, I'm not.

500
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,079
Yesterday, you took the batteries

501
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,514
out of our smoke detector

502
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:32,481
to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass.

503
00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:34,055
- You noticed.
- Yeah.

504
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:36,208
- In a bad way.
- Yeah.

505
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,864
Now get up, and win this bet.

506
00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:40,803
- You can do this.
- Yeah, you're right.

507
00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:42,659
- I can do this.
- Yeah.

508
00:17:45,494 --> 00:17:46,930
Yeah, I maybe can't do this.

509
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,998
The time has come for the grand finale,

510
00:17:49,033 --> 00:17:50,099
the obstacle course.

511
00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:51,768
This is gonna be rough.

512
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,770
Turns out, taking a ton of random pills

513
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:55,104
is really bad for you.

514
00:17:55,139 --> 00:17:56,706
Everything hurts.

515
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:58,875
Yeah, I'm like 50/50 gonna die.

516
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:01,844
On your mark, get set,
dazzle me, freaks!

517
00:18:02,932 --> 00:18:06,619
First, you must make your way
past the barricade hurdles.

518
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:08,584
After the hurdles,

519
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:10,919
you must fish a dollar coin
out of our gross,

520
00:18:10,954 --> 00:18:13,722
clogged-up sink of nightmares.

521
00:18:14,791 --> 00:18:16,758
- Ahh!
- Ew.

522
00:18:16,793 --> 00:18:18,794
You use that money to buy a hot dog.

523
00:18:18,829 --> 00:18:20,096
After you eat the entire dog,

524
00:18:20,131 --> 00:18:21,630
you'll return to the break room,

525
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:22,864
where you must extract an olive

526
00:18:22,899 --> 00:18:25,435
from the windpipe
of a Heimlich practice dummy.

527
00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:27,903
Why are you using your mouth
for everything?

528
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:29,605
The winner will be the first person

529
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,635
to sit in the Ringmaster's throne.

530
00:18:32,176 --> 00:18:34,210
Uh-oh, surprise twist!

531
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:36,545
To get to the throne,
you must break through

532
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,279
- a breach training door.
- What?

533
00:18:38,314 --> 00:18:39,947
Why are you making this so hard on me?

534
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:41,082
It's all for the show, Jake.

535
00:18:41,117 --> 00:18:42,717
The greatest show on Earth!

536
00:18:42,752 --> 00:18:44,740
All right, fine. I can do this.

537
00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:47,004
For my wife.

538
00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:57,990
Ah, it didn't work.

539
00:18:58,026 --> 00:18:59,967
My skeleton feels like
it's made of Skittles.

540
00:19:00,002 --> 00:19:02,637
- I can't do it, Amy.
- Yes, you can, okay?

541
00:19:02,672 --> 00:19:04,172
You just need a little energy.

542
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:05,906
And Debbie's EpiPens
are full of adrenaline.

543
00:19:05,941 --> 00:19:07,575
- Is that a smart thing to do?
- Probably not,

544
00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:09,485
but sometimes it's good
to be a little irresponsible.

545
00:19:09,521 --> 00:19:10,578
You're gonna make me sick.

546
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:11,946
It's better than losing our car.

547
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:15,116
I mean, is it? 'Cause...

548
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:16,838
I will never die!

549
00:19:18,821 --> 00:19:20,788
- Yeah!
- Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

550
00:19:20,823 --> 00:19:22,957
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo!
- Jake is champion!

551
00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:25,126
Congratulations, you inherit the circus!

552
00:19:25,161 --> 00:19:27,572
I did it! I don't want the circus.

553
00:19:33,635 --> 00:19:34,802
- You like it?
- Not at all.

554
00:19:34,837 --> 00:19:36,203
- You can leave.
- Not a chance.

555
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,841
The show is over, lessons were learned,

556
00:19:40,876 --> 00:19:41,876
tears were cried.

557
00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:43,343
Just remember, freaks,

558
00:19:43,378 --> 00:19:46,147
the real freak is the freak inside.

559
00:19:46,182 --> 00:19:49,373
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Debbie Fogel.

560
00:19:54,456 --> 00:19:58,625
? And now our games come to an end ?

561
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:02,696
? We started as freaks
but now we're friends ?

562
00:20:02,731 --> 00:20:06,329
? And we'll all be friends forever ?

563
00:20:06,735 --> 00:20:08,522
? Forever ?

564
00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:15,275
? Forever ?

565
00:20:19,948 --> 00:20:22,108
Well, that was weird.

566
00:20:22,283 --> 00:20:24,312
Whoa-ho-ho, you hear that?

567
00:20:24,752 --> 00:20:26,919
It's the total silence of people reeling

568
00:20:26,954 --> 00:20:28,588
from the performance of a lifetime.

569
00:20:28,623 --> 00:20:30,155
- How does it feel?
- Incredible.

570
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,925
- I've never been that loud.
- That's what most singing is.

571
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,760
And with more practice,
you'll only get louder.

572
00:20:34,795 --> 00:20:36,395
Do you really think they liked it?

573
00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:38,499
It doesn't matter
what other people think.

574
00:20:38,799 --> 00:20:41,100
What matters is that you can do anything

575
00:20:41,135 --> 00:20:42,735
you put your mind to,
because in the end,

576
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:46,115
my bearded lady,
the beard was under you,

577
00:20:46,439 --> 00:20:48,495
the greatest showman.

578
00:20:49,276 --> 00:20:51,699
You're right. I can do anything.

579
00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:01,816
Anything I put my mind to.

580
00:21:03,323 --> 00:21:05,690
? Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, oh ?

581
00:21:05,725 --> 00:21:07,725
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com