1 00:00:01,828 --> 00:00:04,560 Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend... 2 00:00:04,585 --> 00:00:06,037 The wedding is in two weeks! 3 00:00:06,038 --> 00:00:07,071 I had sex with Tanya. 4 00:00:07,072 --> 00:00:09,600 You don't live here anymore. 5 00:00:09,625 --> 00:00:11,609 Please give me another chance. 6 00:00:11,634 --> 00:00:13,038 You need to earn back my trust. 7 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,007 I'm ready to do the work. 8 00:00:15,008 --> 00:00:16,553 Oh, watching you and Madison together, 9 00:00:16,578 --> 00:00:18,028 I had a big breakthrough. 10 00:00:18,029 --> 00:00:19,054 We should have a baby. 11 00:00:20,058 --> 00:00:21,999 - We should have sex. - What? 12 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,058 I know. I'm shocked, too. 13 00:00:23,059 --> 00:00:24,835 Rebecca Bunch's past, please. 14 00:00:24,860 --> 00:00:26,017 Here you go. 15 00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:28,249 You just called me Robert. 16 00:00:29,025 --> 00:00:30,058 Being a priest is dope. 17 00:00:30,059 --> 00:00:33,000 Did Jesus ever give you any reason to, like, 18 00:00:33,437 --> 00:00:35,057 - have doubts? - No. 19 00:00:35,058 --> 00:00:37,041 I have questions about Rebecca, 20 00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:38,075 and I don't know if they're real questions 21 00:00:38,076 --> 00:00:40,066 or if I have the jitters. 22 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,067 So find Rebecca. 23 00:00:41,068 --> 00:00:42,690 Ask her your questions. 24 00:00:42,715 --> 00:00:45,078 And Eagle is gone. 25 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,032 Josh is leaving me 26 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:48,917 to become a priest? 27 00:00:48,942 --> 00:00:51,016 Rebecca! Stop! 28 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,190 Josh Chan must be destroyed. 29 00:00:53,214 --> 00:00:57,126 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 30 00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:17,780 - Anything? - Maya! 31 00:01:17,805 --> 00:01:18,805 Don't yell at me. 32 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:20,844 I haven't asked about her today yet. 33 00:01:21,118 --> 00:01:23,135 Read the sign with me, Maya. 34 00:01:25,429 --> 00:01:27,066 "I don't know where Rebecca is. 35 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,341 "Stop asking me. 36 00:01:29,366 --> 00:01:32,037 "After we agreed to destroy Josh Chan, 37 00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:34,066 "Rebecca excused herself to pee 38 00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,037 "and I haven't heard from her since. 39 00:01:37,038 --> 00:01:39,061 "I do know she's alive 40 00:01:39,062 --> 00:01:42,091 "because she liked my Ice Bucket Challenge video 41 00:01:42,092 --> 00:01:44,597 from three years ago." 42 00:01:44,622 --> 00:01:46,057 I know, but, Paula, that sign really skimps 43 00:01:46,058 --> 00:01:48,003 on her interiority. 44 00:01:48,004 --> 00:01:49,294 And we all have so many questions. 45 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,332 It's been two weeks. 46 00:01:50,357 --> 00:01:52,007 Was there somebody else? 47 00:01:52,008 --> 00:01:53,071 Is Josh really becoming a priest? 48 00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,053 Why didn't that bitch invite me to the wedding? 49 00:01:55,054 --> 00:01:58,347 Enough! I wish I had answers, but I don't! 50 00:01:58,372 --> 00:02:02,207 I don't know where she is! 51 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:04,871 Go! 52 00:02:04,896 --> 00:02:06,763 Get... Go! 53 00:02:10,509 --> 00:02:12,508 ? ? 54 00:02:24,693 --> 00:02:29,007 ? A scandal has rocked our village of West Covina ? 55 00:02:29,008 --> 00:02:30,083 ? West Covina ? 56 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:34,025 ? A woman's life was ruined and now no one's seen her ? 57 00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:35,999 ? No one's seen her ? 58 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,032 ? The town is all atwitter ? 59 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,779 ? 'Cause the whole town is on Twitter ? 60 00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:43,674 ? Posing a question that's never-ending ? 61 00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:46,686 ? In the form of a hashtag that's been trending ? 62 00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:49,066 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 63 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,300 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 64 00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:52,003 ? Is she out to brunch? No? ? 65 00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,054 ? Then where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 66 00:02:53,055 --> 00:02:55,037 ? She's always been insecure ? 67 00:02:55,038 --> 00:02:58,087 ? But now she's been rejected by Josh Chan ? 68 00:02:58,088 --> 00:03:00,070 ? So where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 69 00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:04,351 ? But, also, where's a woman's pride without her man? ? 70 00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:06,417 ? Man, man, man ? 71 00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:09,329 ? ? 72 00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:13,329 ? There's gossip going on from Riverside to Encino ? 73 00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:14,393 ? Encino ? 74 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:18,379 ? Of the Jewish chick who got dumped by the ripped Filipino ? 75 00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:19,828 ? Filipino ? 76 00:03:19,853 --> 00:03:22,409 ? Think of all the beautiful china on her registry ? 77 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,363 ? Now it will never be on her shelf ? 78 00:03:25,364 --> 00:03:27,841 ? I wonder how she's feeling since Josh sent her reeling ? 79 00:03:27,866 --> 00:03:30,413 ? If I were her, I'd kill me-self ? 80 00:03:30,414 --> 00:03:32,383 You're fired again, George. 81 00:03:32,384 --> 00:03:33,397 Aw, son of a... 82 00:03:33,398 --> 00:03:34,560 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 83 00:03:34,585 --> 00:03:35,857 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 84 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:36,763 I have a hunch! 85 00:03:36,788 --> 00:03:37,775 Yeah? 86 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,130 No, I just liked the rhyme. 87 00:03:39,155 --> 00:03:42,115 ? We've been asking the same question ? 88 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:44,379 ? Since this tale of woe began ? 89 00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:45,826 ? WheresRebeccaBunch? 90 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:46,858 No! 91 00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:48,331 ? Where's a woman's pride ? 92 00:03:48,356 --> 00:03:50,383 ? Without her man? ? 93 00:03:50,384 --> 00:03:53,248 ? Man, man, man, man, man... ? 94 00:03:53,273 --> 00:03:55,982 _ 95 00:04:01,352 --> 00:04:04,336 ? Who am I now? ? 96 00:04:05,976 --> 00:04:08,115 ? What will I be? ? 97 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:13,380 ? My reason for living ? 98 00:04:14,698 --> 00:04:17,444 ? Has abandoned me ? 99 00:04:19,202 --> 00:04:21,725 ? I can't stay here forever ? 100 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,819 ? But I also can't bear ? 101 00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:30,758 ? Going back to my life ? 102 00:04:33,059 --> 00:04:35,563 ? Facing pity and stares ? 103 00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:42,250 ? I said Josh Chan must be destroyed ? 104 00:04:42,414 --> 00:04:44,400 ? Then I ran away ? 105 00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:47,035 ? Like some scared little boy ? 106 00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:51,246 ? I want revenge for my broken heart ? 107 00:04:51,271 --> 00:04:55,988 ? But I'm so devastated I don't know where to start ? 108 00:04:56,013 --> 00:04:58,400 ? My defenses are down ? 109 00:04:58,401 --> 00:05:00,254 ? After his sneak attack ? 110 00:05:00,673 --> 00:05:02,701 ? Do I let him win ? 111 00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:05,778 ? Or do I fight back? ? 112 00:05:06,013 --> 00:05:07,513 ? Fight back ? 113 00:05:08,214 --> 00:05:09,700 ? Fight back ? 114 00:05:10,546 --> 00:05:15,153 ? Fight back ? 115 00:05:15,178 --> 00:05:18,186 ? ? 116 00:05:20,023 --> 00:05:22,393 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 117 00:05:22,418 --> 00:05:23,573 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 118 00:05:23,598 --> 00:05:25,397 ? I know what I have to do ? 119 00:05:25,398 --> 00:05:27,924 ? Where's Rebecca Bunch? Where's Rebecca Bunch? ? 120 00:05:27,949 --> 00:05:29,364 ? Is she out to brunch? ? 121 00:05:29,365 --> 00:05:31,375 ? I have to transform ? 122 00:05:31,376 --> 00:05:32,418 ? We're so frenetic ? 123 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,104 ? From a victim ? 124 00:05:34,129 --> 00:05:35,367 ? She's pathetic ? 125 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:36,401 ? To a woman scorned ? 126 00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:38,417 ? A woman scorned ? 127 00:05:38,418 --> 00:05:40,400 ? A scandal has rocked our village ? 128 00:05:40,401 --> 00:05:42,388 ? Of West Covina ? 129 00:05:42,389 --> 00:05:43,418 ? West Covina ? 130 00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:46,021 ? A woman's life was ruined ? 131 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,865 ? And now no one's seen her ? 132 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,193 ? No one's seen her ? 133 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,396 ? Is she still paying rent? ? 134 00:05:51,397 --> 00:05:54,375 ? Does she have a plan? ? 135 00:05:54,376 --> 00:05:57,409 ? And where's a woman's pride, a woman's pride ? 136 00:05:57,410 --> 00:05:59,354 ? A woman's pride ? 137 00:05:59,355 --> 00:06:01,861 ? Without her man? ? 138 00:06:02,412 --> 00:06:05,845 ? Man, man, oh, man, oh, man. ? 139 00:06:05,870 --> 00:06:09,040 _ 140 00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:15,404 So, no word from Rebecca yet? 141 00:06:15,405 --> 00:06:18,048 No. I-I think she needs just a couple of days 142 00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,806 to process everything. 143 00:06:19,831 --> 00:06:21,393 Poor thing, she has been through so much. 144 00:06:21,394 --> 00:06:23,025 Love has not been kind to her. 145 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,012 Yeah, not everyone can be as lucky as we are. 146 00:06:25,037 --> 00:06:26,405 We're getting a second chance 147 00:06:26,406 --> 00:06:29,185 after my... horrible mistake, thank God. 148 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:31,677 Yeah, we are. And I have to thank you. 149 00:06:31,702 --> 00:06:33,390 You've been just so great 150 00:06:33,415 --> 00:06:36,367 about all these rules and... Oh, by the way, 151 00:06:36,368 --> 00:06:37,414 did you remember to sign in last night? 152 00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:39,350 Because I was so busy I forgot to check. 153 00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:41,097 Come on. Of course I did. 154 00:06:41,122 --> 00:06:43,784 - I want to restore our marital trust. - _ 155 00:06:43,809 --> 00:06:47,390 Ooh, who signed in early every day this week? 156 00:06:47,415 --> 00:06:49,214 Good job. 157 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,558 Thanks. I'm excited about this rule here. 158 00:06:51,583 --> 00:06:53,418 "Scott sleeps on the couch until he passes 159 00:06:53,419 --> 00:06:55,367 the lie-detector test three times." 160 00:06:55,368 --> 00:06:56,389 I've only got one test left, 161 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,972 and back in the bed. 162 00:06:58,372 --> 00:07:00,333 Yep. Uh-huh. 163 00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:03,171 Yep. But, you know what? First you have to pass it. 164 00:07:03,196 --> 00:07:06,385 And the questions are, like, no joke 165 00:07:06,432 --> 00:07:08,092 on the last test... just a heads-up. 166 00:07:08,117 --> 00:07:11,078 - I'm ready. - Okay, I am just... 167 00:07:11,132 --> 00:07:12,389 I'm just checking. 168 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,796 You're-you're okay, you're fine with all this, right? 169 00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:17,491 - Are you kidding? Yes. - Right. 170 00:07:17,516 --> 00:07:19,536 Our plan gets rid of all the guilt. 171 00:07:19,561 --> 00:07:22,507 It spells it all out. No confusion. 172 00:07:23,749 --> 00:07:25,382 I'm so confused. 173 00:07:25,407 --> 00:07:26,764 Who called this meeting again? 174 00:07:26,765 --> 00:07:28,713 I don't know, I just got an anonymous 175 00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:29,744 Google Calendar invite. 176 00:07:29,745 --> 00:07:31,751 Okay, who is wasting my time with a stupid meeting? 177 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,718 Hmm? And what was up with the subject line... 178 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:34,769 "Insidious Business"? 179 00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:36,298 - Is this you, Darryl? - Hmm? 180 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:38,447 It makes so little sense, it seems like a you thing. 181 00:07:38,472 --> 00:07:39,726 - Does it? - Mm-hmm. 182 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,769 I have a "me" thing? 183 00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:42,739 What are some of my other "me" things? 184 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:44,722 Asking a lot of questions, is that a "me" thing? 185 00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:47,705 Wait, so nobody knows what this is? 186 00:07:47,706 --> 00:07:49,730 - Mm-mm. - Yeah, okay, I'm out of here. 187 00:07:49,731 --> 00:07:51,475 Not so fast, mama. 188 00:07:56,748 --> 00:07:58,790 What? 189 00:08:04,088 --> 00:08:06,108 Wow. 190 00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,743 I know, my hair is dark, so I look evil, 191 00:08:10,744 --> 00:08:12,990 but I'm wearing white, which is ironic. 192 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,434 That's not why we're surprised. 193 00:08:15,435 --> 00:08:17,282 Okay, we haven't seen you in two weeks, 194 00:08:17,307 --> 00:08:19,897 and suddenly you're spinning around in some big chair? 195 00:08:20,296 --> 00:08:22,349 Okay, yes, that's also surprising. 196 00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:24,295 I'm so glad you're all right. 197 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:25,655 Paula, Paula, I'm trying to do a thing. 198 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,233 Oh, sorry, honey. I'm watching. 199 00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,764 Do you want to turn around again? 200 00:08:28,789 --> 00:08:30,655 - No. Why would I... - Okay. Okay. 201 00:08:30,991 --> 00:08:32,016 How long have you been here? 202 00:08:32,322 --> 00:08:33,663 Oh, since 5:00 a.m. 203 00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:35,666 I had to get here early for the big reveal. 204 00:08:35,691 --> 00:08:38,522 Brought my own chair, hope you like it. But I'm not tired. 205 00:08:38,547 --> 00:08:40,595 I've been catnapping. 206 00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:42,819 So... 207 00:08:45,382 --> 00:08:48,007 you've all been wondering where I've been. 208 00:08:48,032 --> 00:08:51,052 Oh, yes, I saw the locally trending hashtag. 209 00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:53,741 Well, the answer is 210 00:08:53,766 --> 00:08:57,866 I've been going through a metamorphosis of sorts. 211 00:08:58,278 --> 00:09:00,202 I have emerged... 212 00:09:00,258 --> 00:09:01,325 Ooh... from the cocoon 213 00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:02,928 of female submission 214 00:09:02,953 --> 00:09:06,757 as a scorned butterfly, dagger in hand. 215 00:09:06,782 --> 00:09:08,756 Okay, you know what? Show's over. 216 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,522 Kids, let's get back to work, hmm? 217 00:09:10,547 --> 00:09:12,731 Miss Bunch, can I speak with you, please? 218 00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:15,272 Um, I'm actually in the next meeting. I have an alert... 219 00:09:15,297 --> 00:09:17,748 When will you start acting like you work for me? Hmm? 220 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,769 - Go, go, go, let's go. - Okay, all right, okay. 221 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,744 Go, go! 222 00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:29,171 I know that you've had a tough time. 223 00:09:29,196 --> 00:09:30,724 - Hmm? - Um, but that doesn't mean 224 00:09:30,749 --> 00:09:32,585 that you cannot answer calls 225 00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:34,596 or texts or e-mails. 226 00:09:34,621 --> 00:09:37,857 Or write a thank-you note for a basket 227 00:09:37,882 --> 00:09:39,786 of soothing bath salts and artisanal pears 228 00:09:39,811 --> 00:09:41,751 that I might have dropped off at your door. 229 00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:42,815 Oh, my God, Nathaniel. 230 00:09:43,073 --> 00:09:45,507 Did you send me a bunch of weird, girly crap? 231 00:09:46,769 --> 00:09:48,780 You were worried about me. 232 00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,722 Oh, boop! 233 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,801 That's adorable. You're adorable. 234 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:54,734 I mean, it's kind of sad and unsexy, 235 00:09:54,735 --> 00:09:55,752 but you're adorable. 236 00:09:55,753 --> 00:09:58,061 You are, um... 237 00:10:00,628 --> 00:10:01,784 very different. 238 00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:04,734 I am. Oh, I am. 239 00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:05,785 I am invincible. 240 00:10:05,786 --> 00:10:07,777 There's a flame burning around me. 241 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,784 Uh-huh. 242 00:10:10,785 --> 00:10:12,772 Now, I booked this room for the next meeting, 243 00:10:12,773 --> 00:10:14,173 so get out of here. 244 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,886 Uh, for which case? 245 00:10:18,359 --> 00:10:20,636 The most important case of my life. 246 00:10:21,385 --> 00:10:23,396 Now, seriously, get out of here. 247 00:10:23,553 --> 00:10:26,198 But, um, walk slowly. 248 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,387 I want to watch those pants move. 249 00:10:41,526 --> 00:10:44,693 I've never gotten a Google Cal invite before. 250 00:10:44,802 --> 00:10:46,417 Where did you get those clothes? 251 00:10:46,442 --> 00:10:48,802 Off a scarecrow, so... You look nice. 252 00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,986 Thanks. I have a meeting 253 00:10:51,011 --> 00:10:53,487 with a bride and groom to plan their wedding. 254 00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:55,072 They're from Calabasas. I think they're loaded. 255 00:10:55,097 --> 00:10:58,144 Cool. I can't wait to hear how we're gonna get back at Josh. 256 00:10:58,169 --> 00:10:59,819 Rebecca said she had the perfect plan. 257 00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:02,760 You know, I was worried about her, but she looks dynamite, 258 00:11:02,761 --> 00:11:03,777 and she seems very focused. 259 00:11:03,778 --> 00:11:05,793 Great. I love drama... 260 00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:10,130 - Mm. - Oh! 261 00:11:10,155 --> 00:11:13,333 Look at you! Someone call the fire department. 262 00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:14,757 Get it, girl! 263 00:11:14,782 --> 00:11:16,497 She fine! 264 00:11:16,522 --> 00:11:18,810 What else can we say that we don't usually say? 265 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,536 Oh. Hello. Hello. Thank you for meeting me here. 266 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:22,802 I'm sure you've been confused 267 00:11:22,803 --> 00:11:24,780 about what's happening, so, to recap: 268 00:11:24,781 --> 00:11:27,760 After the wedding, was I thrown for a loop? Yes. 269 00:11:27,761 --> 00:11:28,889 Yes, of course I was. 270 00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:31,614 Did I question the nature of not only my own existence, 271 00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:32,789 but existence itself? 272 00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:34,256 Yes, of course. 273 00:11:34,257 --> 00:11:35,269 So? So. 274 00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:36,266 Mm. 275 00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:38,244 I went on a retreat, 276 00:11:38,245 --> 00:11:41,959 and I took some time to blue sky, workshop, ideate and, 277 00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,223 most importantly, 278 00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:44,270 transform. 279 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,381 And I formulated a plan. 280 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:51,084 A plan to destroy Josh Chan. 281 00:11:51,775 --> 00:11:53,788 The Chan Plan, as it were. 282 00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,185 Ooh. Hmm. 283 00:11:57,186 --> 00:11:58,779 Wow. Right? It's so cool. Okay. So. 284 00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:00,045 First, I asked myself, 285 00:12:00,070 --> 00:12:01,310 what type of revenge, 286 00:12:01,335 --> 00:12:02,646 or as the French say, révenge... 287 00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:05,130 Actually, the French don't say that, the word for revenge is vengeance, 288 00:12:05,155 --> 00:12:06,266 but that sounds like a cheese or something. 289 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,227 So anyway, what type of révenge 290 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,248 are we seeking? And the answer to that 291 00:12:10,249 --> 00:12:11,848 is something tactile, something visceral. 292 00:12:11,873 --> 00:12:16,934 Something that says "I matter, and you, Josh Chan, do not." 293 00:12:17,184 --> 00:12:19,228 And I have just the thing. 294 00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:20,809 Ooh, this sounds delicious. 295 00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:22,783 Oh, can you not use "delicious" in that way? 296 00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,852 It creeps me out; it feels like someone just licked me. 297 00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,582 Just tell us your idea, I'm so excited. 298 00:12:26,607 --> 00:12:31,215 My révenge is deceptively simple and devious. 299 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,220 It's a tactic that has been used by victims of injustice 300 00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:35,660 throughout human history. 301 00:12:35,685 --> 00:12:36,735 Mm. 302 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:40,270 I'm speaking, of course, of coprophagia. 303 00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:45,945 It's poop. It's poop stuff. Yeah. 304 00:12:46,846 --> 00:12:49,861 - What? - I'm gonna mail him my poop, 305 00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:52,574 but tell him it's cupcakes. 306 00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:56,910 What is that smell? 307 00:12:56,935 --> 00:12:58,951 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, okay. So, most protein bars 308 00:12:58,976 --> 00:13:00,582 are just candy-coated sugar. 309 00:13:00,607 --> 00:13:01,778 But these bars are different. 310 00:13:01,803 --> 00:13:04,157 These bars contain 311 00:13:04,182 --> 00:13:06,235 the purest, the most powerful form 312 00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:07,836 of protein on Earth. 313 00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:10,633 - Ant protein. - Is that true? 314 00:13:10,658 --> 00:13:12,555 I have no idea. But I do know 315 00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,821 that ants are strong as hell. Anyway, okay. 316 00:13:14,846 --> 00:13:16,500 Give it a try. I want your notes, 317 00:13:16,525 --> 00:13:18,610 I want your honest opinion. Give it to me. 318 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,094 Mm. 319 00:13:22,119 --> 00:13:23,508 - No, I like it. - Yeah? 320 00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:25,297 Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely getting the ants. 321 00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:28,461 - Okay. - But I'm also getting caraway. 322 00:13:28,486 --> 00:13:29,899 - Uh-huh. - And date. 323 00:13:29,924 --> 00:13:32,796 - Yeah - Oh. Holy hell, here comes the cinnamon 324 00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:34,529 - Mm. - It's good? 325 00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:35,960 - Oh, yeah. - You like it? 326 00:13:35,985 --> 00:13:37,005 Oh, it's amazing. 327 00:13:37,006 --> 00:13:38,980 All right. I don't have a name yet, but I, uh... 328 00:13:38,981 --> 00:13:41,013 I think after two years, I've finally nailed the recipe. 329 00:13:41,014 --> 00:13:43,618 It's amazing. I am so proud of you, baby. 330 00:13:43,643 --> 00:13:46,013 You are taking this idea from conception to birth 331 00:13:46,014 --> 00:13:47,031 through childhood, 332 00:13:47,032 --> 00:13:49,219 to a really moving high school graduation, 333 00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:52,314 where it makes a speech about its two cool dads. 334 00:13:52,643 --> 00:13:54,266 - Are you kidding me? - What? 335 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,602 Darryl, there is nothing I can say 336 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,989 that you can't turn into a parenting metaphor. 337 00:13:59,014 --> 00:14:00,899 I'm sorry, I can't help it. 338 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,940 It just pops out of me headfirst. 339 00:14:03,031 --> 00:14:04,586 Oh, my God. Sorry. 340 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,022 I can't talk about this anymore. 341 00:14:06,023 --> 00:14:07,657 We have talked birth to death. 342 00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:09,039 Look, you're right. 343 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,870 You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Okay? 344 00:14:11,895 --> 00:14:13,415 Maybe we need help. 345 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,035 Maybe we need to see a therapist. 346 00:14:15,036 --> 00:14:17,633 Or, you could, um, just stop it? 347 00:14:17,658 --> 00:14:20,102 If you don't think that therapists are "cool," 348 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,147 maybe we could do something a little more current. 349 00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:25,649 You know? Maybe we could go see a life coach or a psychic. 350 00:14:25,674 --> 00:14:27,680 Or an essential oil specialist. 351 00:14:28,645 --> 00:14:30,149 Okay, none of those are things. 352 00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:32,014 Tell that to my Reiki practitioner, 353 00:14:32,015 --> 00:14:34,540 who figured out that I have a ghost in my foot. 354 00:14:34,565 --> 00:14:36,015 Okay, Darryl, right now, 355 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,282 my life is about getting people to eat these dead ants. 356 00:14:38,307 --> 00:14:39,560 Once that happens, then maybe 357 00:14:39,585 --> 00:14:42,584 we can... start talking about other stuff. 358 00:14:46,521 --> 00:14:48,021 Don't you ladies get it? So I'm gonna write 359 00:14:48,022 --> 00:14:49,039 on the package, 360 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,025 "Delicious cupcakes inside, 361 00:14:51,292 --> 00:14:53,607 do not smell before eating." 362 00:14:55,114 --> 00:14:58,177 He will be forced to unwittingly eat... 363 00:14:58,202 --> 00:14:59,986 Okay, you have to, you have to stop. 364 00:15:00,011 --> 00:15:02,662 You said you had, like, a whole plan. 365 00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:04,381 Is the poop thing step one? 366 00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:06,010 Like, he accidentally 367 00:15:06,011 --> 00:15:08,038 eats the poop and then takes a step back 368 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:09,988 and falls down a flight of stairs, 369 00:15:09,989 --> 00:15:12,025 and there's a dead body there, and he thinks he killed it, 370 00:15:12,026 --> 00:15:13,975 and we plant the evidence. 371 00:15:13,976 --> 00:15:15,271 That's good. That's very good. 372 00:15:15,296 --> 00:15:16,185 Yes. Thank you. 373 00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,985 No. You've got... wow, wow, you guys are way overthinking this. 374 00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,026 Okay, so... 375 00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:23,005 The root of this idea 376 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:25,677 is I have figurative crap on my face, and he's crap. 377 00:15:26,048 --> 00:15:27,388 So he deserves to eat it. 378 00:15:27,610 --> 00:15:29,642 You mean, like, metaphorically. 379 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,810 Oh. Yeah. 380 00:15:30,835 --> 00:15:32,521 No! No. No... 381 00:15:32,546 --> 00:15:33,904 no, like, literally. 382 00:15:33,929 --> 00:15:35,956 It's like, "Eat my cupcakes, Josh Chan, 383 00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,923 like the piece of crap you are." 384 00:15:39,318 --> 00:15:41,721 Y-Yes, right? Yes... do you get... 385 00:15:41,746 --> 00:15:43,279 do you get it now? Do you get it? 386 00:15:43,304 --> 00:15:45,007 You know I love that idea. 387 00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:45,998 I love it. 388 00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:47,998 But maybe we just, I don't know, 389 00:15:48,023 --> 00:15:49,295 toss around some other ideas. 390 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,693 There's got to be something else 391 00:15:50,718 --> 00:15:53,818 in that... very big brain of yours. 392 00:15:53,843 --> 00:15:55,829 Oh, wow, I wasn't prepared with... 393 00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,513 I mean, I have other ideas... that one's my favorite... but... 394 00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:00,457 I mean, I don't know if I want to share 395 00:16:00,482 --> 00:16:01,849 any more ideas with you guys. 396 00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:03,591 Like, this doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. 397 00:16:03,616 --> 00:16:04,732 It just feels like, you know, 398 00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:06,743 you haven't even heard my first idea. 399 00:16:06,768 --> 00:16:08,154 Oh, no, we heard it. 400 00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:12,442 - But we just didn't like it. - See? See? You see? 401 00:16:12,467 --> 00:16:13,855 You're just against anything that I... 402 00:16:13,856 --> 00:16:17,638 - I-I pitch right now. - Ooh, okay, okay. No, no, no. 403 00:16:17,663 --> 00:16:20,741 No. That's... listen, just tell us your idea, 404 00:16:20,766 --> 00:16:23,302 and we, we will love it. 405 00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:24,526 Right? 406 00:16:24,841 --> 00:16:25,966 We promise. 407 00:16:28,873 --> 00:16:31,146 Okay. Okay, okay. 408 00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:32,318 So this next idea 409 00:16:32,343 --> 00:16:33,916 is actually better than the first, so: 410 00:16:34,552 --> 00:16:39,497 it's sexy, it's dangerous, it's click-bait. 411 00:16:39,522 --> 00:16:40,593 Ooh. 412 00:16:40,669 --> 00:16:42,680 Hello, is this Casting Call Magazine? 413 00:16:42,908 --> 00:16:44,907 Yes, I'd like to place an ad. 414 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,939 I'm a producer/writer/director. 415 00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:48,864 And I'm looking to cast someone 416 00:16:48,865 --> 00:16:51,287 who looks exactly like my ex-fiancé. 417 00:16:51,312 --> 00:16:53,852 No, it's not for a TV or film, 418 00:16:53,877 --> 00:16:54,894 it's for something better. 419 00:16:54,895 --> 00:16:56,607 Confidentially, 420 00:16:57,539 --> 00:16:59,890 I'm going to be making a fake sex tape 421 00:16:59,915 --> 00:17:02,918 in which my ex-fiancé appears to be say he hates Jesus, 422 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:04,860 ruining his reputation 423 00:17:04,861 --> 00:17:05,940 and making everyone hate him because he left me at the altar 424 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,316 to become a priest. 425 00:17:07,341 --> 00:17:08,519 Great idea, right? 426 00:17:09,835 --> 00:17:11,175 Le révenge! 427 00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:14,902 What does he look like? 428 00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,914 Yes, he is Filipino, about five-eight, 429 00:17:16,915 --> 00:17:19,659 but I will take any Asian you have. 430 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,417 So you guys are making a porno? 431 00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:28,331 No, no. It is a fake sex tape. 432 00:17:28,356 --> 00:17:31,191 Okay? She's getting a fake Josh, they're gonna have fake sex, 433 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,691 and then, he's gonna fakely say that he hates Jesus. 434 00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:35,724 Wow. Horrible idea. 435 00:17:36,277 --> 00:17:37,894 But... how would that even work? 436 00:17:37,910 --> 00:17:41,589 Uh, it wouldn't, because it is the worst idea of all time. 437 00:17:41,614 --> 00:17:42,857 Her other ideas, though, 438 00:17:42,882 --> 00:17:44,745 they were even worse, if you could believe it. 439 00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:46,893 They were literally crap. 440 00:17:47,323 --> 00:17:49,230 She's not thinking straight. 441 00:17:49,255 --> 00:17:50,756 So we all decided, 442 00:17:50,781 --> 00:17:53,420 let's humor her, let her get it out of her system, 443 00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:56,919 metabolize these emotions while yelling at a fake Josh. 444 00:17:56,944 --> 00:17:59,795 - While she's doing fake Josh? - No! Oh. 445 00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:01,914 - No. - No, it will never get that far. 446 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,897 Once she realizes how ridiculous the whole thing is, 447 00:18:04,898 --> 00:18:06,433 she will not go through with it. 448 00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:10,872 This will stop well short of any sex, real or fake. 449 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,910 Speaking of sex, let's, uh, strap this thing on, eh? 450 00:18:15,285 --> 00:18:16,851 I can't wait 451 00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:17,931 to pass this test. 452 00:18:17,932 --> 00:18:22,315 Then we're back to being a real married couple, 453 00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:24,868 sleeping in the same bed. 454 00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,244 Not so fast, buster. 455 00:18:26,269 --> 00:18:27,901 The third round is the most intense. 456 00:18:27,902 --> 00:18:30,860 I call it "The Ring of Fire." 457 00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:33,872 All right. 458 00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,140 Let's begin. 459 00:18:40,354 --> 00:18:42,922 Have you seen Tanya since the incident? 460 00:18:42,923 --> 00:18:44,221 Yes, at work. 461 00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:47,923 Do you talk to Tanya? 462 00:18:47,924 --> 00:18:49,889 Occasionally, if the work requires, I... 463 00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,872 - Yes or no? - The-the answer's yes, 464 00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:53,682 I have to sometimes. 465 00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:56,335 When you talk to her, 466 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,375 do you flirt? 467 00:18:59,637 --> 00:19:00,918 Do you touch her arm? 468 00:19:00,919 --> 00:19:02,884 Does she giggle? 469 00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:04,909 Does she wear that back support brace that pushes up her boobs? 470 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:05,944 Does she shake her tail feather for you? 471 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,926 - I... I-I... - Answer the questions, buster. 472 00:19:07,927 --> 00:19:10,588 The answers are no, no, 473 00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:13,637 sometimes, but I'm very funny. 474 00:19:13,662 --> 00:19:17,188 Uh, um, yes, but only because of her scoliosis, 475 00:19:17,213 --> 00:19:19,246 and... what's a tail feather? 476 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,876 Do you find Tanya attractive? 477 00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:32,237 Um... 478 00:19:35,432 --> 00:19:38,868 Yes? I guess I do? 479 00:19:38,869 --> 00:19:40,880 I-I did the thing with her. 480 00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:41,926 - More attractive than me? - No. 481 00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:43,120 - Do you love Tanya? - No. 482 00:19:43,145 --> 00:19:45,123 - Are you lying? - You tell me. 483 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,057 Well, it looks like... 484 00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:58,487 you passed. 485 00:19:59,268 --> 00:20:00,860 Oh, my God. 486 00:20:00,885 --> 00:20:01,964 Great. 487 00:20:01,989 --> 00:20:04,175 Uh... 488 00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:07,905 Can I move my eye mask and pajama boxers back into the bed? 489 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,667 That is what the contract says, so I guess so. 490 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:16,526 - And maybe tonight we, uh... - Oh, my God, look at the time. 491 00:20:16,551 --> 00:20:17,944 I have auditions for the porno. 492 00:20:17,945 --> 00:20:19,909 Uh, the-the sex tape. 493 00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,855 The fake sex tape, 494 00:20:21,856 --> 00:20:23,918 that I... is never gonna happen. 495 00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:25,939 Okay. Uh... 496 00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:27,859 Bye! 497 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,167 Next. 498 00:20:29,192 --> 00:20:30,644 I hate Jesus! 499 00:20:30,669 --> 00:20:32,903 No, no, no, you're doing it wrong. 500 00:20:32,928 --> 00:20:34,370 Okay. 501 00:20:34,395 --> 00:20:36,402 So the point of this scene, 502 00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:37,899 the reason I wrote this sex tape, 503 00:20:37,924 --> 00:20:41,859 is because mid-coitus is when one's true feelings come out. 504 00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:45,284 Okay? So we have to believe that Josh Chan truly hates Jesus, 505 00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:48,198 and that pure, utter hatred, 506 00:20:48,223 --> 00:20:52,753 it explodes out of him with a sexual and euphoric passion. 507 00:20:53,768 --> 00:20:55,718 All right, no. Next! 508 00:20:56,518 --> 00:20:58,555 The waters are not for the actors! 509 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:01,876 And don't forget to sign the non-disclosure agreement, okay? 510 00:21:01,877 --> 00:21:02,948 Can't have that guy blogging about this. 511 00:21:02,949 --> 00:21:04,901 Come on, Rebecca. 512 00:21:04,902 --> 00:21:07,565 I mean, maybe if you didn't, like, yell at all of them. 513 00:21:07,590 --> 00:21:08,923 Uh, oh, I'm sorry, Heather. 514 00:21:08,924 --> 00:21:10,901 I'm the one who has to be in bed with these guys. 515 00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:11,944 Yeah, and why does it have to be you? 516 00:21:11,945 --> 00:21:13,897 You don't have any lines. 517 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,257 Verisimilitude. 518 00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:18,234 It has to be me to sell the concept. 519 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,399 - All right, who's this guy? - Well, this guy did... 520 00:21:22,429 --> 00:21:24,398 Hello, I'm Colin Crowley. 521 00:21:24,431 --> 00:21:26,442 Wonderful to meet you. I'm here for the read. 522 00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:28,656 Really excited about the material. 523 00:21:30,742 --> 00:21:32,124 Yeah. 524 00:21:32,341 --> 00:21:36,273 Wow. He looks just like Josh. 525 00:21:36,298 --> 00:21:38,231 That could be his brother. 526 00:21:39,449 --> 00:21:40,482 It's uncanny. 527 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:41,923 Okay, um, one second. 528 00:21:41,924 --> 00:21:43,943 I know what you ladies are thinking, 529 00:21:43,944 --> 00:21:45,919 but I really would love to give this role to an American. 530 00:21:45,944 --> 00:21:48,956 Ooh, um, my American is spot-on. 531 00:21:48,981 --> 00:21:50,873 Okay. 532 00:21:50,898 --> 00:21:52,864 One, two, three, four, five, six. 533 00:21:53,652 --> 00:21:54,916 All right, okay, um... 534 00:21:54,941 --> 00:21:57,341 You want, eh, Chicago? 535 00:21:57,366 --> 00:22:00,185 New York? Um, Louisiana? 536 00:22:00,852 --> 00:22:01,948 Um, Texas? 537 00:22:01,949 --> 00:22:03,169 Or do you want, um... 538 00:22:03,194 --> 00:22:05,210 Southern California, dude? 539 00:22:06,114 --> 00:22:08,591 Wow. 540 00:22:09,222 --> 00:22:11,260 We have an Olivier here. 541 00:22:24,948 --> 00:22:27,947 Oh, I booked it, mate. Sorry. 542 00:22:28,174 --> 00:22:30,140 Cheers, though. 543 00:22:33,044 --> 00:22:35,442 Okay, we are done with the auditions. 544 00:22:35,467 --> 00:22:36,487 We found our man. 545 00:22:36,512 --> 00:22:37,802 Feel free to give up on your dreams 546 00:22:37,827 --> 00:22:39,246 and move back to your hometowns. 547 00:22:39,271 --> 00:22:41,078 Okay. 548 00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:44,136 - Nathaniel, what are you... ? - What's going on here? 549 00:22:44,747 --> 00:22:45,914 Dude, okay, so, 550 00:22:45,915 --> 00:22:46,930 when are we stopping this charade? 551 00:22:46,931 --> 00:22:47,948 It's getting so weird. 552 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:49,278 I didn't think we were gonna 553 00:22:49,303 --> 00:22:50,435 find someone who's, like, a shave 554 00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:52,424 and a nose job away from being Josh. 555 00:22:52,449 --> 00:22:53,914 It's starting to freak me out. 556 00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:55,947 Yeah, I knew we were gonna wait for her to come to her senses, 557 00:22:55,948 --> 00:22:57,913 but can we slap some sense into her already? 558 00:22:57,914 --> 00:22:59,637 We need to put a stop to this. 559 00:22:59,662 --> 00:23:01,732 No, I know it feels like we're riding the edge of a razor, 560 00:23:01,757 --> 00:23:03,711 but I'm telling you, as a parent, 561 00:23:03,736 --> 00:23:05,528 the more you forbid it, the more they want it, 562 00:23:05,553 --> 00:23:07,581 so we just got to ride it out. Yeah. 563 00:23:08,652 --> 00:23:10,675 God. 564 00:23:10,948 --> 00:23:12,889 What are all these guys doing here? 565 00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:14,889 I don't know. You have to sign an NDA before I tell you that. 566 00:23:14,890 --> 00:23:15,898 What are you doing here? 567 00:23:15,899 --> 00:23:17,905 Oh, I was just, uh, was just running by, 568 00:23:17,906 --> 00:23:20,901 and, um, phone died, so, you know, thought maybe I could, 569 00:23:20,902 --> 00:23:21,927 uh, come in and juice it up. 570 00:23:21,928 --> 00:23:24,140 Ugh, "running by"? But you live across town. 571 00:23:26,827 --> 00:23:27,881 Wait. 572 00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:28,927 Wow. 573 00:23:28,928 --> 00:23:31,249 The old my-phone-ran-out-of-juice, really? 574 00:23:31,274 --> 00:23:33,944 Listen, buddy... you're talking to the queen of, 575 00:23:33,945 --> 00:23:35,421 "I just happened to be here." 576 00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:38,851 Okay, I get what's happening. 577 00:23:39,049 --> 00:23:41,889 Listen, I know we kissed, and you helped me with my dad 578 00:23:41,890 --> 00:23:42,922 and you are clearly developing 579 00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:43,940 some kind of sparkly, little-girl, 580 00:23:43,941 --> 00:23:45,753 heart, twinkly feelings for me... 581 00:23:45,778 --> 00:23:46,866 ... but then I came back 582 00:23:46,891 --> 00:23:48,243 as this espresso-haired vixen 583 00:23:48,268 --> 00:23:50,893 and you feel low status, 584 00:23:50,894 --> 00:23:52,934 which I get. I get it, okay? 585 00:23:52,935 --> 00:23:55,913 Status reversals, ugh, they are confusing, 586 00:23:55,914 --> 00:23:57,893 and arousing and it's probably never happened to you before, 587 00:23:57,894 --> 00:24:00,859 so now you are understandably obsessed with me. 588 00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:02,859 No, that's not it at all. 589 00:24:02,860 --> 00:24:04,197 Okay? Not at all. 590 00:24:04,222 --> 00:24:06,940 - No? Really? - No. 591 00:24:06,941 --> 00:24:10,868 You're not mesmerized by my sudden lack of interest 592 00:24:10,869 --> 00:24:12,353 and my cold, unavailable vibe? 593 00:24:13,947 --> 00:24:15,844 No. 594 00:24:15,869 --> 00:24:18,898 Yeah? Huh, interesting, 'cause your thin shorts say otherwise. 595 00:24:18,899 --> 00:24:20,884 Oh, listen. 596 00:24:20,885 --> 00:24:21,919 Listen, buddy. 597 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,893 I would be happy to take you for a tumble sometime... 598 00:24:24,894 --> 00:24:25,910 ... but right now, 599 00:24:25,911 --> 00:24:27,341 I'm really distracted with something else, 600 00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:28,445 so just move along. Yeah. 601 00:24:30,948 --> 00:24:32,317 Dude. 602 00:24:32,342 --> 00:24:33,653 Auditions are over. 603 00:24:33,678 --> 00:24:35,575 You can take the banana out of your pants. 604 00:24:43,058 --> 00:24:45,086 Wheel of Fortune was good tonight. 605 00:24:45,759 --> 00:24:49,333 Yeah. All the big hitters were there tonight. 606 00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:51,651 Ooh. "R." 607 00:24:51,919 --> 00:24:53,922 - "S." - Yeah. 608 00:24:53,923 --> 00:24:55,442 - "T." - Mm-hmm. 609 00:24:55,467 --> 00:24:57,137 - "E." - Yeah. 610 00:24:58,966 --> 00:25:00,943 I'd like to buy a kiss. 611 00:25:05,890 --> 00:25:07,419 Okay. 612 00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:18,744 Babe, I've really missed you. 613 00:25:18,769 --> 00:25:20,267 I missed you, too. 614 00:25:28,944 --> 00:25:30,944 Scott. 615 00:25:32,899 --> 00:25:33,858 Paula. 616 00:25:33,883 --> 00:25:34,903 Mm. 617 00:25:35,048 --> 00:25:36,405 No, don't call me Paula. 618 00:25:36,430 --> 00:25:37,748 Call me Tanya. 619 00:25:37,773 --> 00:25:39,467 - What? - No, just do it. 620 00:25:39,492 --> 00:25:40,928 Call me Tanya. 621 00:25:42,678 --> 00:25:44,794 I have no idea what that was 622 00:25:44,819 --> 00:25:47,084 and I never want to discuss it. 623 00:25:57,476 --> 00:26:00,872 Honk, honk! Honk, honk! 624 00:26:00,873 --> 00:26:02,203 I don't know what sound anteaters make, 625 00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:04,935 - but here, have a protein bar. - Thanks. 626 00:26:04,936 --> 00:26:06,554 You, sir. 627 00:26:06,797 --> 00:26:08,250 Here, big fella. 628 00:26:09,352 --> 00:26:11,334 They're, uh, 52 grams 629 00:26:11,335 --> 00:26:13,148 of pure insect power! 630 00:26:13,173 --> 00:26:16,757 - Aah, wow. - Huh? Huh? 631 00:26:16,828 --> 00:26:19,437 This is what you meant when you texted "surprise time"? 632 00:26:19,462 --> 00:26:22,486 Yes. Okay, okay. Here goes. 633 00:26:22,487 --> 00:26:24,226 You needed a name for your bars, 634 00:26:24,251 --> 00:26:25,515 so I went to the trademark office 635 00:26:25,516 --> 00:26:27,460 and these are the ones that were taken. 636 00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:31,497 "Ant Time, "Ant Protein Time, Supergood Insect Protein Time, 637 00:26:31,498 --> 00:26:33,187 - Supergood Ant Time." - Okay. 638 00:26:33,212 --> 00:26:36,437 But then I realized, if you eat ants, that makes you an... 639 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,781 - an anteater. Huh? - Anteater, yeah. 640 00:26:40,806 --> 00:26:42,006 So, I went with that and then 641 00:26:42,031 --> 00:26:45,535 I talked to Manuel who does graphics for us and... 642 00:26:45,536 --> 00:26:47,481 - voilà. - _ 643 00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:49,539 You took my bars out of your fridge? 644 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,289 You left them there for a reason. 645 00:26:51,314 --> 00:26:53,481 That's what my dream interpreter said. 646 00:26:53,482 --> 00:26:54,502 - Oh, my God. - And by the way, 647 00:26:54,503 --> 00:26:57,810 I got a totally new guy, 'cause Reiki is baloney. 648 00:26:57,835 --> 00:27:00,518 So, yes, I took them, and I did all this, 649 00:27:00,519 --> 00:27:03,489 and people love them and now your career is on its way, 650 00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:05,726 so you can move on to tinier, cuter things. 651 00:27:06,523 --> 00:27:08,465 Ah, there it is. 652 00:27:08,820 --> 00:27:10,511 The baby thing again. God. 653 00:27:10,967 --> 00:27:13,928 Oh. Well, I'm sorry. 654 00:27:14,210 --> 00:27:18,448 I mean, I know, I said I was gonna try harder and I messed up. 655 00:27:18,914 --> 00:27:21,469 Honk, honk. What can I do? 656 00:27:21,470 --> 00:27:23,265 Don't do that. Don't do anything. 657 00:27:23,290 --> 00:27:24,336 Honk? 658 00:27:26,148 --> 00:27:28,456 Maybe we do need a therapist. 659 00:27:29,835 --> 00:27:32,518 I'll get one, a real one. 660 00:27:32,644 --> 00:27:34,665 None of this Reiki nonsense. 661 00:27:40,086 --> 00:27:41,568 I was scared to death to have sex with him 662 00:27:41,569 --> 00:27:42,593 and then that happened. 663 00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:43,611 Let me get this straight. 664 00:27:43,781 --> 00:27:47,234 You told Scott to call you Tanya in bed? 665 00:27:47,259 --> 00:27:49,246 Yeah, it's horrifying. 666 00:27:49,527 --> 00:27:53,320 But the sex was amazing. How can that be? I hate Tanya. 667 00:27:53,345 --> 00:27:57,100 Well, sounds like the only way you can feel sexy right now 668 00:27:57,125 --> 00:27:59,573 is to imitate the female he chose instead of you. 669 00:27:59,598 --> 00:28:01,564 Like, you feel insecure, 670 00:28:01,565 --> 00:28:03,568 so you want to be the transgressive "harlot" 671 00:28:03,569 --> 00:28:05,535 he temporarily desired over you. 672 00:28:05,536 --> 00:28:07,335 Wow. What class did you learn that in? 673 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:08,594 Oh, that's just me. 674 00:28:08,595 --> 00:28:12,398 I'm thinking about becoming a life coach or maybe a mime. 675 00:28:12,423 --> 00:28:15,564 I just put body makeup on a man's butt crack. 676 00:28:15,565 --> 00:28:17,951 Yeah. He's very sweaty. It took forever. 677 00:28:17,976 --> 00:28:20,548 He smells like pencil shavings and vinegar. 678 00:28:21,890 --> 00:28:24,518 Are we really going through with this? This feels too far. 679 00:28:24,519 --> 00:28:26,164 Hold, sister, hold. Stay the course. 680 00:28:26,189 --> 00:28:28,568 Rebecca is gonna realize it's the wrong path. 681 00:28:28,569 --> 00:28:30,597 It's just, it can't come from us. 682 00:28:30,598 --> 00:28:33,429 Excuse me, is there a P.A. to fetch me a bagel? 683 00:28:33,934 --> 00:28:35,912 I'm a bit peckish, eh? 684 00:28:36,617 --> 00:28:38,581 Oh, come on. Rebecca's gonna come out, 685 00:28:38,582 --> 00:28:41,526 take one look at that dude in a towel and freak out. 686 00:28:41,527 --> 00:28:43,921 All right. I'm ready. Let's do this. 687 00:28:50,328 --> 00:28:52,593 Okay, so, I tried all the stuff you gave me, Valencia, 688 00:28:52,594 --> 00:28:54,195 and it just, it didn't work. 689 00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:56,177 You know, I tried the pasties and the bandeau, 690 00:28:56,202 --> 00:28:58,171 the nude bodysuit, the green-screen underwear, 691 00:28:58,196 --> 00:29:00,228 but I just, I can't feel inhibited right now. 692 00:29:00,416 --> 00:29:04,452 Okay? If I'm gonna have fake sex with fake Josh, it has to feel real. 693 00:29:04,937 --> 00:29:06,054 Wait. 694 00:29:06,239 --> 00:29:08,247 W-W-Wait, okay. 695 00:29:08,553 --> 00:29:09,603 Okay, hear me out. 696 00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:13,030 If authenticity is what we're going for, 697 00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:17,171 I mean, shouldn't we just do it for real? 698 00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:19,976 Yeah, let's just do it for real. Um, okay. 699 00:29:20,001 --> 00:29:22,382 Someone get me a condom. They are in my dresser. 700 00:29:22,407 --> 00:29:24,085 Actually, we may not need to use condoms. 701 00:29:24,110 --> 00:29:27,535 Paula, look up the statutes for porn in the state of California for condom use. 702 00:29:27,536 --> 00:29:29,552 You know what? Let's do one with a condom, one without a condom, 703 00:29:29,553 --> 00:29:31,890 - that way we've covered our bases. - Okay, we're done. We're done. 704 00:29:31,915 --> 00:29:34,968 - That's a wrap on the fake sex tape. - What?! 705 00:29:34,993 --> 00:29:37,554 Uh, Rebecca, put some clothes on. 706 00:29:37,579 --> 00:29:39,265 - Sir... - Ow, my vagina. 707 00:29:39,290 --> 00:29:41,585 Sir, I'm gonna call it for today. 708 00:29:41,586 --> 00:29:46,085 Um, my best to Princess Kate, the new people's princess. 709 00:29:46,110 --> 00:29:47,569 Rebecca. 710 00:29:47,570 --> 00:29:50,865 This is not a good plan! 711 00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:53,679 Even if you hurt Josh, you're gonna hurt yourself more. 712 00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:56,820 You'll be exposing yourself publicly. You'll be humiliated. 713 00:29:56,845 --> 00:29:59,804 Why would you put yourself out like that? 714 00:30:01,765 --> 00:30:03,671 Because I don't care what happens to me. 715 00:30:05,415 --> 00:30:06,448 I don't. 716 00:30:07,773 --> 00:30:11,773 I mean, God, okay, I guess I don't want to get, like, "in trouble," 717 00:30:11,805 --> 00:30:13,124 but also I don't care. 718 00:30:13,149 --> 00:30:15,173 I don't care. 719 00:30:16,437 --> 00:30:18,679 And I don't... 720 00:30:18,704 --> 00:30:20,611 I guess I thought that if I could be near a Josh, 721 00:30:20,612 --> 00:30:22,015 just even a fake one, 722 00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:24,787 that-that-that-that things would become clear, you know? 723 00:30:24,812 --> 00:30:26,056 Because I haven't seen 724 00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:29,060 the real Josh since before he left me at the altar. 725 00:30:29,061 --> 00:30:30,584 I haven't seen him or talked to him and I 726 00:30:30,609 --> 00:30:32,107 just thought that if I made the sex tape, 727 00:30:32,108 --> 00:30:34,081 and maybe he could see the tape, 728 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:36,060 and he would know and this was what? 729 00:30:36,061 --> 00:30:38,073 This was a horrible idea. 730 00:30:38,433 --> 00:30:39,757 Honey. 731 00:30:40,032 --> 00:30:41,065 Honey. 732 00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:44,603 You know that we are all here to help you take down Josh, 733 00:30:44,628 --> 00:30:47,069 but we are not gonna help you 734 00:30:47,070 --> 00:30:49,102 take down yourself at the same time. 735 00:30:49,456 --> 00:30:50,956 Sorry to interrupt, 736 00:30:50,981 --> 00:30:53,971 but I never did get my bagel. Also, um, 737 00:30:53,996 --> 00:30:56,024 if you're interested, I had a couple of line tweaks 738 00:30:56,090 --> 00:30:58,548 to make Josh a more sympathetic character. 739 00:30:58,573 --> 00:31:01,031 - Oh, hell no. - This guy. 740 00:31:01,032 --> 00:31:02,115 - Get out. - Do you know Josh? 741 00:31:02,116 --> 00:31:04,102 - Bye. - I don't think you know Josh. 742 00:31:04,103 --> 00:31:06,031 - You need new headshots. - Get your check in the mail. 743 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,392 Uh, thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Dr. Akopian. 744 00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:19,089 Yeah, we've heard wonderful things. 745 00:31:19,090 --> 00:31:20,369 Oh, thank you. 746 00:31:20,394 --> 00:31:22,800 You might be thinking of my wife. 747 00:31:23,032 --> 00:31:26,085 Her Yelp reviews are off the charts. 748 00:31:26,777 --> 00:31:28,542 Please call me Davit. 749 00:31:28,691 --> 00:31:30,652 Uh, what can I help you with? 750 00:31:31,049 --> 00:31:34,077 Well, he's annoyed because I wore an anteater costume, 751 00:31:34,078 --> 00:31:35,509 but for a very good reason. 752 00:31:35,534 --> 00:31:38,111 - I just wanted to help your business. - That is not why you did it. 753 00:31:38,112 --> 00:31:40,035 You did it because you're trying to pressure me 754 00:31:40,036 --> 00:31:43,052 into having a baby, even though I don't know if I ever want to do that. 755 00:31:43,053 --> 00:31:44,839 - So now you hate babies. - Oh, my God. 756 00:31:44,864 --> 00:31:47,035 Can we back up? I heard "anteater"? 757 00:31:47,036 --> 00:31:48,057 That can't be right. 758 00:31:48,058 --> 00:31:49,800 Exactly. That's exactly my point. 759 00:31:49,825 --> 00:31:53,060 He takes everything to the extreme. I didn't say I hate babies. 760 00:31:53,061 --> 00:31:57,252 You're too emotional, Darryl. You get so excited about a baby 761 00:31:57,277 --> 00:32:00,220 or about my ant-based protein bars, and you go from, like, zero to a thousand. 762 00:32:00,245 --> 00:32:03,069 - That is not fair. - It is fair, dude. 763 00:32:03,070 --> 00:32:04,111 You found out that a distant relative 764 00:32:04,112 --> 00:32:06,431 was Native American, and you had your last name 765 00:32:06,456 --> 00:32:08,306 changed to "Whitefeather" the next day. 766 00:32:08,331 --> 00:32:10,093 And now we have to get to the airport, like, three hours early 767 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:12,073 because none of your IDs match... it's ridiculous. 768 00:32:12,074 --> 00:32:15,603 First of all, those are my people. And second of all, that's just who I am, 769 00:32:15,628 --> 00:32:18,447 enthusiastic, and you chose me knowing that. 770 00:32:18,472 --> 00:32:21,470 - I thought you liked it. - I do like it, but also, 771 00:32:21,495 --> 00:32:23,085 sometimes it drives me nuts. 772 00:32:23,086 --> 00:32:26,259 - So you just think I'm an idiot. - No, I... You're doing it again. 773 00:32:26,284 --> 00:32:28,052 Well, maybe I am an idiot. 774 00:32:28,053 --> 00:32:30,098 But you know what? This idiot, in two days, 775 00:32:30,099 --> 00:32:32,048 has done more with your idea 776 00:32:32,049 --> 00:32:34,052 - than you've done in two years. - Okay... 777 00:32:34,053 --> 00:32:37,114 This idiot co-owns a very successful law firm. 778 00:32:37,115 --> 00:32:40,784 Okay, successful law firm, and is a magnificent father. 779 00:32:41,090 --> 00:32:43,127 Now, look, I know that I got way out ahead of you with the baby, 780 00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,417 and I'm sorry, and I'll stop it. 781 00:32:46,274 --> 00:32:49,257 But I'm a catch. Start acting like it. 782 00:32:53,847 --> 00:32:55,269 You know what? 783 00:32:57,049 --> 00:32:58,316 You're right. 784 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,347 I'm sorry. Maybe I have been... 785 00:33:02,053 --> 00:33:04,433 a little judgy of you. 786 00:33:05,072 --> 00:33:07,485 Huh. My friends all say I'm judgy, 787 00:33:07,510 --> 00:33:09,227 but I never listen to them or care what they say 788 00:33:09,252 --> 00:33:11,119 because they're stupid idiots. 789 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,377 I'm sorry, D. 790 00:33:19,299 --> 00:33:21,077 Men are the worst, aren't they? 791 00:33:21,078 --> 00:33:23,596 - Awful. - So entitled. 792 00:33:23,621 --> 00:33:25,680 Josh Chan, fake Josh Chan, all of them. 793 00:33:25,705 --> 00:33:28,048 They always make everything about them. 794 00:33:28,049 --> 00:33:29,094 That's exactly what I'm saying. 795 00:33:29,095 --> 00:33:31,035 The reason we're in this situation 796 00:33:31,036 --> 00:33:32,078 is because men are so terrible. 797 00:33:32,079 --> 00:33:34,064 Don't get me started on men. 798 00:33:34,065 --> 00:33:36,060 Don't get me started on men. 799 00:33:36,061 --> 00:33:38,077 Don't get me started on men. 800 00:33:39,808 --> 00:33:41,128 ? ? 801 00:33:41,129 --> 00:33:45,081 - They're horrible. - Oh, my God. 802 00:33:45,082 --> 00:33:48,089 - Drink a lot more. - Yeah. 803 00:33:48,090 --> 00:33:51,049 ? ? 804 00:33:53,822 --> 00:33:57,102 ? Right now we're angry and sad ? 805 00:33:57,103 --> 00:34:00,064 ? It's our right to get righteously mad ? 806 00:34:00,065 --> 00:34:02,114 ? At every member of the opposite sex ? 807 00:34:02,115 --> 00:34:05,077 ? Oh, God, we hate them ? 808 00:34:05,078 --> 00:34:06,099 - That's what I'm saying. - Yes. 809 00:34:06,100 --> 00:34:08,031 All I'm saying... 810 00:34:08,032 --> 00:34:10,123 ? Let's not distinguish between them at all ? 811 00:34:10,124 --> 00:34:14,064 ? Let's just drink a lot more alcohol ? 812 00:34:14,065 --> 00:34:16,035 ? And then high five each other ? 813 00:34:16,036 --> 00:34:20,123 ? As we make a bunch of blanket statements ? 814 00:34:20,124 --> 00:34:23,098 ? Let's generalize about men ? 815 00:34:23,657 --> 00:34:27,069 ? Let's generalize about men ? 816 00:34:27,070 --> 00:34:31,069 ? Let's take one bad thing about one man ? 817 00:34:31,070 --> 00:34:34,085 ? And apply it to all of them ? 818 00:34:34,086 --> 00:34:36,039 ? Let's conflate all the guys ? 819 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,123 ? Let's generalize about men ? 820 00:34:39,124 --> 00:34:41,086 Chug, chug, chug, chug... 821 00:34:41,851 --> 00:34:44,482 ? All men are completely repressed ? 822 00:34:44,507 --> 00:34:45,350 ? Uh-huh ? 823 00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:48,327 ? All men only want to have sex ? 824 00:34:48,328 --> 00:34:50,327 ? There are no exceptions ? 825 00:34:50,328 --> 00:34:52,347 ? All three billion men are like this ? 826 00:34:52,348 --> 00:34:55,377 ? All 3.6 billion men ? 827 00:34:55,378 --> 00:34:58,377 ? All men are emotionally stunted ? 828 00:34:58,378 --> 00:35:00,327 ? When asked how they feel ? 829 00:35:00,328 --> 00:35:02,314 ? Every man's always grunted ? 830 00:35:02,315 --> 00:35:05,314 And why do men never listen and only think about themselves? 831 00:35:05,315 --> 00:35:07,310 ? As opposed to women, who always listen ? 832 00:35:07,311 --> 00:35:09,327 ? And never think about themselves ? 833 00:35:09,328 --> 00:35:11,113 ? Ooh, I hear ya, girl ? 834 00:35:11,138 --> 00:35:14,598 ? Let's generalize about men ? 835 00:35:14,623 --> 00:35:18,310 ? Let's generalize about men ? 836 00:35:18,311 --> 00:35:21,360 ? Let's get super lit and not admit ? 837 00:35:21,361 --> 00:35:23,368 ? This is some kind of primal ritual ? 838 00:35:23,369 --> 00:35:24,989 ? We need now and then ? 839 00:35:25,014 --> 00:35:26,997 ? Maybe our spirits will rise ? 840 00:35:27,022 --> 00:35:29,335 ? If we generalize about men ? 841 00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:32,306 ? All men are stupid and childish ? 842 00:35:32,307 --> 00:35:35,352 ? Even the ones who are smart and mature ? 843 00:35:35,353 --> 00:35:38,356 ? All every man does every day ? 844 00:35:38,357 --> 00:35:40,356 ? Is watch porn, eat wings ? 845 00:35:40,357 --> 00:35:42,352 ? Burp, fart, and snore ? 846 00:35:42,353 --> 00:35:44,647 - Hey, what about gay men? - Oh, no, they're fine. 847 00:35:44,672 --> 00:35:48,323 ? Gay men are all really great ? 848 00:35:48,324 --> 00:35:50,368 ? Every single one ? 849 00:35:50,369 --> 00:35:53,323 ? They're never mean, just sassy ? 850 00:35:53,324 --> 00:35:55,285 ? They're all completely ? 851 00:35:55,286 --> 00:35:58,318 ? Adorable and fun ? 852 00:35:58,319 --> 00:36:02,310 ? So let's focus for now on straight men ? 853 00:36:02,311 --> 00:36:04,559 ? Let's just generalize about them ? 854 00:36:04,584 --> 00:36:06,028 ? They're all monsters ? 855 00:36:06,053 --> 00:36:08,297 - ? They're murderers ? - ? They're rapists ? 856 00:36:08,298 --> 00:36:09,340 ? Totally ? 857 00:36:09,341 --> 00:36:11,339 Wait, I have sons. 858 00:36:11,340 --> 00:36:14,323 ? Your sons are gonna be rapists. ? 859 00:36:16,290 --> 00:36:17,328 Oh... 860 00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:24,364 I don't know, it's like the rational part of my brain 861 00:36:24,365 --> 00:36:27,381 - isn't working lately. - You guys are right. 862 00:36:27,382 --> 00:36:29,364 My ideas have been awful. And it's weird because, 863 00:36:29,365 --> 00:36:31,314 you know, I'm usually so brilliant. 864 00:36:31,315 --> 00:36:33,356 Yeah, yeah, and that is one of the things 865 00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:35,347 that I am really mad at Josh about. 866 00:36:35,348 --> 00:36:37,327 He turned the smartest person I know into 867 00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:39,039 a sad, wannabe porn star. 868 00:36:39,064 --> 00:36:40,907 Brutal, but true. 869 00:36:40,932 --> 00:36:43,453 Huh, trutal. 870 00:36:43,478 --> 00:36:45,498 - That's good. - These are really good. 871 00:36:45,523 --> 00:36:47,875 Yeah, Josh... Josh is the worst 872 00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:50,110 You know, I can't even book another wedding because of him. 873 00:36:50,203 --> 00:36:51,241 His jilting you 874 00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:53,383 has completely ruined my business. 875 00:36:53,408 --> 00:36:56,347 I swear, I should totally sue his ass or something. 876 00:36:57,358 --> 00:37:00,180 Sue him, that's funny. 877 00:37:01,357 --> 00:37:02,813 Wait, no, no, no. 878 00:37:02,838 --> 00:37:03,850 Sue him. 879 00:37:03,875 --> 00:37:05,348 That's actually a really interesting idea. 880 00:37:05,349 --> 00:37:08,335 There is tons of case law that justifies 881 00:37:08,336 --> 00:37:09,743 suing him on behalf of Rebecca 882 00:37:09,770 --> 00:37:11,819 on, like... on, like, several fronts. 883 00:37:11,820 --> 00:37:15,769 Breach of contract, alienation of affection. Financial damages. 884 00:37:15,770 --> 00:37:19,778 - Whoa, that's such a smart idea, Paula. - Thank you. 885 00:37:19,779 --> 00:37:21,781 Actually, it was my idea. 886 00:37:21,782 --> 00:37:24,081 Oh, my God, it's perfect! It's perfect. 887 00:37:24,106 --> 00:37:26,786 You get to humiliate Josh publicly, 888 00:37:26,787 --> 00:37:28,806 you get to maintain your dignity, 889 00:37:28,807 --> 00:37:31,819 and you become a hero in the process. 890 00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:33,810 Oh, my God, Cookie, the answer was 891 00:37:33,811 --> 00:37:35,786 right under our noses. 892 00:37:35,787 --> 00:37:39,765 Yeah, God, that's... that's a great idea. 893 00:37:39,766 --> 00:37:41,769 I mean, that's hard to argue 894 00:37:41,770 --> 00:37:43,806 why that isn't the perfect idea. 895 00:37:43,807 --> 00:37:46,773 - Well... yeah! - Like, the perfect... 896 00:37:46,774 --> 00:37:50,773 Oh, feeling my mojo coming back. 897 00:37:50,774 --> 00:37:52,810 - Yeah, it is. - Oh, I can feel it. 898 00:37:52,811 --> 00:37:54,794 That idea is brilliant. 899 00:37:54,795 --> 00:37:56,823 It's b... it's brilliant. I'm brilliant. 900 00:37:56,824 --> 00:37:59,823 It's so... You're so smart. 901 00:37:59,824 --> 00:38:02,769 It was my idea. Can't anyone hear me? 902 00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,363 Why didn't we think of that before? 903 00:38:04,388 --> 00:38:06,481 You're amazing. One up top. 904 00:38:06,506 --> 00:38:07,560 Am I dead? 905 00:38:09,876 --> 00:38:11,350 How did I die? 906 00:38:17,384 --> 00:38:21,353 Hey. Hey, hey, wake up. 907 00:38:21,354 --> 00:38:23,387 Wake up, it's me. 908 00:38:23,388 --> 00:38:26,825 I am so horny. 909 00:38:26,850 --> 00:38:30,129 Oh, okay. 910 00:38:30,154 --> 00:38:31,840 Uh, uh, babe? 911 00:38:31,865 --> 00:38:33,914 I don't want to call you Tanya this time. 912 00:38:34,176 --> 00:38:36,825 Oh. Oh, no, no, no. 913 00:38:36,850 --> 00:38:39,330 That was... that was horrible. That was so bad. 914 00:38:39,331 --> 00:38:40,606 Because I don't want Tanya. 915 00:38:40,631 --> 00:38:42,754 Oh, that's good, though, 'cause I killed her. 916 00:38:44,343 --> 00:38:46,965 Kidding. I'm kidding. 917 00:38:46,990 --> 00:38:48,388 No, I'm not. 918 00:38:48,389 --> 00:38:49,582 Yes, I am. Listen. 919 00:38:49,607 --> 00:38:51,681 Shh, babe, babe, 920 00:38:52,036 --> 00:38:55,964 I just came up with the best idea ever. 921 00:38:55,965 --> 00:38:57,707 I am so cool. 922 00:38:57,732 --> 00:38:59,801 So, come on, baby... 923 00:39:01,036 --> 00:39:02,848 call me Paula. 924 00:39:09,582 --> 00:39:12,356 - Hey. - Wha... 925 00:39:12,969 --> 00:39:17,018 Sorry. Um, I will... think about the baby thing. 926 00:39:17,019 --> 00:39:20,325 - What? Oh... - Okay, just wanted to say that. 927 00:39:20,350 --> 00:39:22,418 So, I'm gonna go. By the way, 928 00:39:22,562 --> 00:39:24,325 this thing is amazing. 929 00:39:24,350 --> 00:39:26,040 You were right all along. I should have never doubted you. 930 00:39:26,410 --> 00:39:28,496 I've already gotten, like, 500 pre-orders, so. 931 00:39:28,521 --> 00:39:30,536 I have some ants to kill. 932 00:39:31,019 --> 00:39:32,910 Honk, honk. 933 00:39:39,050 --> 00:39:41,027 Okay, what we have to show the jury, though, 934 00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:43,039 is proximate cause, to wit, 935 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:46,729 how long in advance did Josh plan to ruin your wedding? 936 00:39:46,754 --> 00:39:49,056 Okay, are we talking specific intent or negligence? 937 00:39:49,057 --> 00:39:51,048 Speaking of negligence, I've been meaning to ask you, 938 00:39:51,049 --> 00:39:53,659 - who's Robert? - Sorry, who? 939 00:39:53,684 --> 00:39:55,049 Is that relevant to the case? 940 00:39:55,050 --> 00:39:57,010 You said his name out loud on the cliff, 941 00:39:57,011 --> 00:39:58,981 with all those other abandoning turds. 942 00:39:58,982 --> 00:40:00,722 And, you know, you seemed really upset about it, and... 943 00:40:01,044 --> 00:40:04,027 Right, right, so, Robert was my dog. 944 00:40:04,028 --> 00:40:07,039 And it was a dog I loved, and he was a male dog. 945 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,661 And he ran away and just left me one day. 946 00:40:09,686 --> 00:40:11,028 They're all monsters. 947 00:40:11,029 --> 00:40:13,048 - Mm-hmm. - Hi, are you Rebecca? 948 00:40:13,216 --> 00:40:15,014 Yeah... 949 00:40:15,015 --> 00:40:18,325 I'm Nathaniel's date. He wanted you to see me, 950 00:40:18,350 --> 00:40:20,419 so, this is what I look like. 951 00:40:20,444 --> 00:40:23,014 That... that is not what I said, okay? 952 00:40:23,015 --> 00:40:25,035 I was very specific about what I wanted 953 00:40:25,036 --> 00:40:26,591 with Casting Call magazine. 954 00:40:26,616 --> 00:40:28,582 - Can I have a bottle of water? - Oh, my God. 955 00:40:28,607 --> 00:40:29,636 Get out. 956 00:40:29,661 --> 00:40:31,634 - So stupid... - Come on, come on. 957 00:40:31,729 --> 00:40:32,737 That's... 958 00:40:36,999 --> 00:40:38,981 Okay, I don't know what that was... 959 00:40:38,982 --> 00:40:41,497 I do, but it's... Honestly, it's so heartbreaking 960 00:40:41,522 --> 00:40:42,661 I can't... I can't even... 961 00:40:42,686 --> 00:40:44,659 Anyway, this is so fun. 962 00:40:44,684 --> 00:40:48,032 You and me, plus the law... we are unstoppable. 963 00:40:48,033 --> 00:40:49,341 And this révenge, 964 00:40:49,366 --> 00:40:52,763 this will actually make you feel better, I know it. 965 00:40:52,787 --> 00:40:54,363 Oh, my God, totally. Like, what could be more 966 00:40:54,388 --> 00:40:56,097 emotionally satisfying than parsing the fine points 967 00:40:56,122 --> 00:40:58,341 - of tortious interference? - Right? 968 00:40:58,366 --> 00:40:59,791 And this is gonna make you feel so much better 969 00:40:59,792 --> 00:41:01,748 than pooping in a plastic container. 970 00:41:01,749 --> 00:41:02,819 - Totally. - I'm so glad 971 00:41:02,820 --> 00:41:04,050 you got that out of your system. 972 00:41:04,075 --> 00:41:07,777 I mean, it was just, it was so silly and not smart. 973 00:41:07,778 --> 00:41:10,129 I know, it was just me being, like, kind of a sad, 974 00:41:10,154 --> 00:41:12,170 desperate child acting out. 975 00:41:12,195 --> 00:41:13,990 So, this is way better. 976 00:41:37,426 --> 00:41:40,840 _ 977 00:41:47,846 --> 00:41:52,247 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --