1
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,569
Good morning, Store 1217.

2
00:00:06,570 --> 00:00:08,687
We have a very exciting surprise today.

3
00:00:08,712 --> 00:00:11,617
Zephra has sent us a little
break room upgrade

4
00:00:11,642 --> 00:00:14,087
just to say "Welcome to the Z-Fam."

5
00:00:14,321 --> 00:00:15,620
They asked me to say it that way,

6
00:00:15,622 --> 00:00:17,022
and I'm happy to.

7
00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:18,429
Okay, let me guess.

8
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,357
Ah... It's a pipe organ.

9
00:00:20,358 --> 00:00:22,491
Oh, my gosh, I can call
Judy from the church

10
00:00:22,493 --> 00:00:23,897
and she'll give us lessons,

11
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:24,993
though you have to practice

12
00:00:24,995 --> 00:00:26,962
'cause otherwise
you're just wasting her time.

13
00:00:26,964 --> 00:00:28,296
Don't need Judy. Not a pipe organ.

14
00:00:28,298 --> 00:00:29,831
Oh, I like this game.

15
00:00:29,833 --> 00:00:31,066
Is it bigger than a dog?

16
00:00:31,068 --> 00:00:32,467
It's clearly bigger than a dog.

17
00:00:32,469 --> 00:00:34,017
You don't know what dog I'm thinking of.

18
00:00:34,237 --> 00:00:36,304
I actually know what it is
'cause I helped set it up.

19
00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:39,141
Well, we're all about to
know what it is, so...

20
00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:40,709
I knew from before.
I knew, like, two hours ago.

21
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,878
Okay, I'm gonna need
more data before I guess.

22
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,209
Otherwise, you're just giving me
a free chance to be wrong.

23
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,674
Nobody's asking anybody to guess.

24
00:00:46,687 --> 00:00:48,320
Okay, Mateo, on three. Ready?

25
00:00:48,322 --> 00:00:50,222
- One...
- It's a cereal bar!

26
00:00:51,191 --> 00:00:52,958
Mateo, I just said...

27
00:00:53,713 --> 00:00:54,913
It's a cereal bar!

28
00:00:55,129 --> 00:00:56,595
That's way better than a dog.

29
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:59,698
But the dog that I was
thinking of is massive.

30
00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:00,732
Free cereal?

31
00:01:00,734 --> 00:01:03,802
Boy, you can really tell we work
for a tech company now, huh?

32
00:01:03,804 --> 00:01:05,170
It's very disruptive.

33
00:01:05,385 --> 00:01:07,018
Come on, peeps. Dig in.

34
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,373
Wait, wait.

35
00:01:08,375 --> 00:01:10,304
What if I already
filled up on breakfast?

36
00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:12,057
Just don't eat?

37
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,111
Ah, man!

38
00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:14,714
Or, like, eat anyway.

39
00:01:14,830 --> 00:01:17,141
Yes! Thanks, Amy. I owe you one.

40
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:22,070
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

41
00:01:23,471 --> 00:01:24,470
Huh, look at that.

42
00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:26,862
People are literally
whistling while they work.

43
00:01:26,864 --> 00:01:28,827
That cereal really changed
the mood of this place.

44
00:01:28,828 --> 00:01:31,467
I don't know. For me,
it just pales in comparison

45
00:01:31,469 --> 00:01:34,670
to the health benefits
and pay raises they gave us.

46
00:01:34,672 --> 00:01:36,172
What do you... oh, I get it.

47
00:01:36,174 --> 00:01:37,737
You're being annoying.
It's a small thing,

48
00:01:37,738 --> 00:01:39,192
but it makes peoples' day better.

49
00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:42,278
They're just distracting us
with shiny objects.

50
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:43,646
Look, Jonah, I get it.

51
00:01:43,648 --> 00:01:45,715
Cloud 9 has trained us
to be very suspicious

52
00:01:45,717 --> 00:01:49,151
of anything corporate does,
but is there a small chance

53
00:01:49,153 --> 00:01:51,487
that this could possibly just be a gift

54
00:01:51,489 --> 00:01:53,184
to welcome us to the Z-Fam?

55
00:01:53,718 --> 00:01:56,027
Be careful. Pretty soon, you're
gonna be saying that unironically.

56
00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:57,261
Saying what?

57
00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:58,328
Z-Fam?

58
00:01:58,330 --> 00:01:59,530
- Z-Fam.
- Stop it.

59
00:01:59,532 --> 00:02:01,280
- Z-Fam.
- People are gonna hear you.

60
00:02:02,311 --> 00:02:04,345
Ooh, wow. No annual fee?

61
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,731
Limited time offer?

62
00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:06,752
Yup, very limited.

63
00:02:06,753 --> 00:02:08,647
That's why the guy in the
picture has a flip phone.

64
00:02:08,923 --> 00:02:10,756
Hey, Garrett, listen.

65
00:02:10,905 --> 00:02:12,071
The next guest in line,

66
00:02:12,073 --> 00:02:13,806
the one with the Z-System, steps up,

67
00:02:13,808 --> 00:02:15,308
I need you to act casual.

68
00:02:15,309 --> 00:02:16,542
He's a scam artist.

69
00:02:16,544 --> 00:02:19,296
He's been returning
bogus items for months.

70
00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:20,453
Wow.

71
00:02:20,478 --> 00:02:22,311
Is this, like, a sting operation?

72
00:02:22,483 --> 00:02:23,516
Can I help?

73
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,579
You can say thank you and move
along like a normal person.

74
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,966
Yeah, okay, got it, got it.

75
00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:29,187
Thank you.

76
00:02:31,259 --> 00:02:32,758
Hey.

77
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,160
I'd like to return that, please.

78
00:02:34,162 --> 00:02:35,394
Oh, sure, no problem.

79
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,730
I do need you to sign a form,
as it is a high-ticket item,

80
00:02:37,732 --> 00:02:39,999
so follow me and I'll get you
your refund ASAP.

81
00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:45,004
I'm just shopping.

82
00:02:47,979 --> 00:02:50,031
Do you guys think
this is real Lucky Charms

83
00:02:50,032 --> 00:02:51,214
or the knockoff brand?

84
00:02:51,216 --> 00:02:52,081
Real.

85
00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:53,816
The fake stuff turns your milk green.

86
00:02:53,818 --> 00:02:55,851
This milk is true blue, baby.

87
00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,387
Classy move, Zephra.

88
00:02:57,389 --> 00:02:58,488
Okay, guys, come on.

89
00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:00,857
We're talking about a billion
dollar corporation here.

90
00:03:00,859 --> 00:03:02,492
I mean, how about giving us stuff

91
00:03:02,494 --> 00:03:04,651
that actually has an
impact on our lives?

92
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:05,862
Jonah has a point.

93
00:03:05,864 --> 00:03:07,730
I saw some pictures
of Zephra's headquarters.

94
00:03:07,732 --> 00:03:09,932
It's so big, they have self-driving cars

95
00:03:09,934 --> 00:03:11,034
to get around the campus.

96
00:03:11,036 --> 00:03:12,402
We should all have those.

97
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,070
We wouldn't have to take
the bus to work.

98
00:03:14,072 --> 00:03:15,038
Well, I don't know

99
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,106
that they're gonna give
every employee a car,

100
00:03:17,108 --> 00:03:18,775
but what about a living wage?

101
00:03:18,777 --> 00:03:20,176
Hey!

102
00:03:20,178 --> 00:03:22,245
How are things over here?

103
00:03:22,247 --> 00:03:24,628
Everyone happy with their cereal?

104
00:03:24,728 --> 00:03:27,517
Yeah, everyone feeling "Grr-eat?"

105
00:03:27,519 --> 00:03:29,171
Oh, my gosh.

106
00:03:29,172 --> 00:03:32,263
Speaking of cereal, you sound
just like Tony the Tiger.

107
00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:33,415
- Right?
- Yeah.

108
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:34,450
- You do!
- Just like him.

109
00:03:34,452 --> 00:03:35,551
- Amazing.
- Impressions.

110
00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:37,606
Yeah, no, I know.
That's what I was trying to...

111
00:03:39,724 --> 00:03:42,324
Oh, you really flipped
this little closet.

112
00:03:42,326 --> 00:03:43,525
Thank you.

113
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,594
Probably gonna have to take
that plant outside for sun

114
00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:46,795
every once in a while though.

115
00:03:46,797 --> 00:03:48,764
Oh, right. Sun.

116
00:03:48,766 --> 00:03:49,832
Mm-hmm.

117
00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,033
This is already too much work.

118
00:03:51,035 --> 00:03:52,601
Mm-hmm.

119
00:03:52,973 --> 00:03:54,773
But it is better than
being on the floor.

120
00:03:54,775 --> 00:03:56,575
Plus I'm already tapped in

121
00:03:56,577 --> 00:03:58,510
to the assistant gossip network.

122
00:03:58,512 --> 00:03:59,917
Like, I heard...

123
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:03,782
Never mind. I shouldn't say anything.

124
00:04:03,884 --> 00:04:05,517
Well, you want me to
shut this door for you?

125
00:04:05,519 --> 00:04:06,666
Okay, fine!

126
00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:08,544
You know how Carol got suspended for...

127
00:04:08,651 --> 00:04:10,155
attempted cat-slaughter?

128
00:04:10,157 --> 00:04:11,073
Mm-hmm.

129
00:04:11,074 --> 00:04:12,390
Terri from HR told me

130
00:04:12,392 --> 00:04:14,726
that she got suspended with pay.

131
00:04:14,956 --> 00:04:15,959
What?

132
00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:17,562
I guess it's Zephra policy?

133
00:04:17,564 --> 00:04:19,231
Like, they're so afraid
of a lawsuit,

134
00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:21,466
if they even hear the words
"mental distress,"

135
00:04:21,468 --> 00:04:23,769
they just give you paid leave,
no questions asked.

136
00:04:23,771 --> 00:04:26,037
- Seriously.
- Yeah.

137
00:04:26,039 --> 00:04:29,561
Also, she said that the manager
at Hilldale has a micropenis.

138
00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:32,760
So it's been a pretty busy morning.

139
00:04:33,799 --> 00:04:35,347
Please have a seat.

140
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,500
I'll get right to
processing your return.

141
00:04:37,502 --> 00:04:39,302
All I need from you

142
00:04:39,304 --> 00:04:41,104
is a confession.

143
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,473
I know you've been scamming
the store for months.

144
00:04:44,976 --> 00:04:46,095
What do you got?

145
00:04:47,145 --> 00:04:48,878
Oh. Well, this is a handsome guy.

146
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,021
But I have no idea
what you're talking about.

147
00:04:52,651 --> 00:04:54,284
Then you won't mind if I open this.

148
00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:55,513
It's your space.

149
00:04:56,054 --> 00:04:57,320
You do you.

150
00:05:05,292 --> 00:05:06,396
Whoa.

151
00:05:06,398 --> 00:05:07,664
Rocks.

152
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,500
It's a good thing I'm returning that.

153
00:05:09,502 --> 00:05:11,302
You guys should file a
complaint with the company.

154
00:05:11,332 --> 00:05:12,364
Okay.

155
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,740
- Listen...
- Benny.

156
00:05:13,742 --> 00:05:15,608
Listen, Benny, it's obvious

157
00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:16,777
you've been doing this for a while.

158
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,878
You've got even weight
distribution with the rocks,

159
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,481
noise dampening padding,
industrial shrink wrap.

160
00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:23,082
You're impressed.

161
00:05:23,084 --> 00:05:24,183
Hardly.

162
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,420
Well, it's a shame I'm innocent,

163
00:05:27,422 --> 00:05:30,241
because I would love to
impress a woman like you.

164
00:05:31,893 --> 00:05:33,960
You're just flirting with me
to get out of trouble.

165
00:05:34,581 --> 00:05:36,763
No, I'm flirting with you
to get into trouble.

166
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:40,233
Oh.

167
00:05:40,235 --> 00:05:43,269
I feel like I'm in a full sweat.

168
00:05:43,271 --> 00:05:45,838
I ate some ghost peppers earlier.

169
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,707
Just on toast.

170
00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:50,275
Like to cleanse the system,

171
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:53,312
so I should probably just put
my butt over a bowl, and...

172
00:05:54,941 --> 00:05:56,041
Hey.

173
00:05:56,086 --> 00:05:57,942
So the cereal bar is running low.

174
00:05:57,943 --> 00:05:59,710
Someone should really be refilling that.

175
00:05:59,712 --> 00:06:03,647
Yeah. I kind of thought that
that someone would be you.

176
00:06:03,649 --> 00:06:07,361
Right, or maybe, like, Justine or Sayid.

177
00:06:08,053 --> 00:06:10,754
Anyway, Zephra also asked me
to set up a video conference

178
00:06:10,756 --> 00:06:11,888
in the break room this afternoon.

179
00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:13,223
A video conference? Why?

180
00:06:13,225 --> 00:06:16,226
The CEO is doing a bunch of
surprise FaceTimes to Cloud 9s.

181
00:06:16,228 --> 00:06:17,327
Just a five-minute meet-and-greet.

182
00:06:17,329 --> 00:06:18,829
Oh. Okay.

183
00:06:18,831 --> 00:06:21,719
Like, cool. That's exciting.

184
00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:24,589
Do you think maybe they
sent us the cereal bar today

185
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,722
just so we'd be in a
good mood for the call?

186
00:06:27,506 --> 00:06:29,706
Come on. No!

187
00:06:29,708 --> 00:06:31,775
Why is everybody being
so cynical about this?

188
00:06:31,777 --> 00:06:34,010
Not everything is always half empty.

189
00:06:34,012 --> 00:06:36,909
Except the cereal bar is.

190
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,248
We should really get on that.

191
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,943
- That's right.
- Let me know what you decide.

192
00:06:40,438 --> 00:06:43,206
No, I decided. It's you.

193
00:06:45,789 --> 00:06:48,420
You have to admit,
it is pretty convenient timing.

194
00:06:48,445 --> 00:06:50,377
Can you just help me
figure out how to play this?

195
00:06:50,379 --> 00:06:52,995
Kira Moon isn't some stodgy Cloud 9 CEO.

196
00:06:53,095 --> 00:06:55,382
She's young and edgy and fun,

197
00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:57,032
and I think she's progressive.

198
00:06:57,057 --> 00:06:59,791
Look at her profile pic.
It's just a purple square.

199
00:06:59,822 --> 00:07:00,954
That's gotta mean something.

200
00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:03,624
You know, maybe this could
actually be an opportunity.

201
00:07:03,626 --> 00:07:05,213
No. No, Jonah.

202
00:07:05,238 --> 00:07:06,416
No. I know what you're thinking.

203
00:07:06,441 --> 00:07:07,583
Oh, come on, I'm just saying,

204
00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:11,265
how often do employees
get to talk to the CEO?

205
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:13,400
You know, we could bring up
some of our issues.

206
00:07:13,402 --> 00:07:15,135
And have her first impression of us

207
00:07:15,137 --> 00:07:17,982
be Veruca Salt barking out orders?

208
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:20,593
"But Daddy,
I want health insurance now!"

209
00:07:20,618 --> 00:07:22,968
That is pretty adorable.
I don't know how they'd say no.

210
00:07:22,993 --> 00:07:25,484
Look, we're not giving up on the issues.

211
00:07:25,509 --> 00:07:27,809
It's just... it's just a
friendly welcome call.

212
00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:28,742
It's not the right time.

213
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:30,721
Okay. All right, fine. Yeah, I get it.

214
00:07:30,746 --> 00:07:33,252
We will wait for the right time.

215
00:07:33,277 --> 00:07:36,020
Okay, great.
So we're all just gonna smile

216
00:07:36,071 --> 00:07:38,072
and make a good first impression.

217
00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:40,697
Amy, I need to report an employee theft.

218
00:07:40,699 --> 00:07:42,165
Hey, it's our cereal.

219
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,700
Who cares if I eat it here or at home?

220
00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:46,269
- You can't fill up a backpack!
- Fine, take some.

221
00:07:46,271 --> 00:07:48,672
I don't need your used cereal.

222
00:07:48,674 --> 00:07:50,974
Maybe we should just
walk everyone through it.

223
00:07:50,976 --> 00:07:52,209
You know, not that they're children...

224
00:07:52,211 --> 00:07:53,844
No, they're children.

225
00:07:55,714 --> 00:07:58,448
Hey, favor to ask.
What can you do to ugly me up?

226
00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:02,152
Like, pockmarks, unibrow,
fewer eyes, more?

227
00:08:02,154 --> 00:08:03,787
Well, why do you wanna look bad?

228
00:08:03,789 --> 00:08:05,989
I have a scammer in custody
and I need him to confess,

229
00:08:05,991 --> 00:08:09,192
but he's into me, and it's just
gonna make everything go wrong.

230
00:08:09,194 --> 00:08:11,027
I mean, my personality's a homerun,

231
00:08:11,029 --> 00:08:12,257
so that's not exactly helping.

232
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,757
Well, if he's already seen you,
it might be kind of weird

233
00:08:14,758 --> 00:08:16,576
to go back in there
with more face parts.

234
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:17,943
- That's a really good point.
- Yeah.

235
00:08:17,971 --> 00:08:19,110
We have to do something.

236
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,900
It's starting to get
very steamy in there.

237
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,570
Oh, my God. You like him!

238
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,638
No, no, no.

239
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,972
- Is he hot?
- Yes!

240
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,774
He's exceptionally hot.

241
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:32,384
But no, I don't like criminals, okay?

242
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,390
But try telling that to my
heart and my Hot Pocket.

243
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:37,949
Later today,

244
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:42,120
Kira Moon from Zephra
will be "surprising" us

245
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,213
with a video chat.

246
00:08:43,374 --> 00:08:44,722
We get to talk to the CEO?

247
00:08:44,794 --> 00:08:47,127
We should clarify which
Hemsworth she's dating.

248
00:08:47,128 --> 00:08:49,224
I heard it's not the
one you think it is.

249
00:08:49,225 --> 00:08:51,980
We should ask if the cereal
was meant to be taken home.

250
00:08:52,649 --> 00:08:53,615
I'm just curious.

251
00:08:53,818 --> 00:08:55,851
No, we should ask her for stuff we need,

252
00:08:55,853 --> 00:08:57,876
like self-driving cars, right, Jonah?

253
00:08:58,902 --> 00:09:00,001
That was all her...

254
00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:04,077
it's just a friendly call,
Sandra, not an opportunity.

255
00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:08,030
Exactly. But you know, Kira might
ask you all some questions,

256
00:09:08,032 --> 00:09:10,432
so I thought it would be good
for us to practice, you know?

257
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:13,134
Like, Glenn, pretend I'm Kira.

258
00:09:14,372 --> 00:09:15,940
But she's just a normal person.

259
00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:18,660
Just think of it like
you're talking to me.

260
00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:21,849
"Me" as in you,
or "me" as in her?

261
00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:23,911
"Me" as in me, Amy.

262
00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:26,949
But you just said that I
should pretend that you're her.

263
00:09:26,951 --> 00:09:30,034
Right, and I'm saying
talk to her like she's me.

264
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:32,103
Okay, I should, or she should?

265
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,689
Oh, you know what, I forgot to mention

266
00:09:34,718 --> 00:09:36,462
that not everybody has
to be on this call.

267
00:09:36,546 --> 00:09:38,446
Oh, thank God.

268
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:55,057
Oh, Garrett, you're so stupid.

269
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:57,777
Oh, man.

270
00:09:58,141 --> 00:09:59,471
That's embarrassing.

271
00:09:59,817 --> 00:10:01,218
I'm sorry you had to see that, Glenn.

272
00:10:01,243 --> 00:10:03,910
Oh, no. Come on, this is nothing.

273
00:10:03,943 --> 00:10:08,546
I once drove a pallet of
Mentos into a stack of colas.

274
00:10:08,571 --> 00:10:10,375
I thought it was the Rapture.

275
00:10:11,462 --> 00:10:12,711
Is everything okay?

276
00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:14,178
Yeah, no, I...

277
00:10:14,524 --> 00:10:16,586
things are just really hard right now.

278
00:10:17,161 --> 00:10:19,907
I'm feeling a lot of mental distress.

279
00:10:20,563 --> 00:10:22,229
Oh, really? I'm...

280
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:24,138
well, I'm so sorry.

281
00:10:24,455 --> 00:10:25,554
What's going on?

282
00:10:25,570 --> 00:10:27,369
Just so much.

283
00:10:27,611 --> 00:10:29,344
Unfortunately, as my supervisor,

284
00:10:29,346 --> 00:10:30,882
you're not allowed to ask.

285
00:10:31,855 --> 00:10:34,194
Well, is there anything I can do?

286
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,425
I mean, I guess you could grab

287
00:10:37,434 --> 00:10:39,668
the Zephra corporate guidelines
and look up what it says

288
00:10:39,703 --> 00:10:41,403
under "Employee Mental Distress"?

289
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:42,978
Yeah, okay. All right, look.

290
00:10:43,346 --> 00:10:45,977
You stay right here.
I'm gonna be right back.

291
00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:48,140
Thank you.

292
00:10:48,391 --> 00:10:50,203
Page 43. Just a guess.

293
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:51,950
Thank you for your patience.

294
00:10:52,002 --> 00:10:53,957
This is Cheyenne, our head of security.

295
00:10:54,411 --> 00:10:55,411
Totally.

296
00:10:55,639 --> 00:10:57,445
So let's keep things professional.

297
00:10:57,728 --> 00:11:00,195
So look, we have altered merchandise,

298
00:11:00,344 --> 00:11:01,912
a documented history of returns.

299
00:11:01,932 --> 00:11:03,941
It'll be easier on
yourself if you confess.

300
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,454
So you think that's my best move?

301
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:06,715
A lot of people would say
it's your only move.

302
00:11:06,717 --> 00:11:08,917
Since when do you and I care
about what people say?

303
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,492
Ooh, so do you guys know each other?

304
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,200
I'm not one of the herd, Dina,

305
00:11:12,676 --> 00:11:13,675
and neither are you.

306
00:11:13,777 --> 00:11:15,688
Herds are for turds.

307
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,227
Herds are absolutely for turds.

308
00:11:18,429 --> 00:11:19,441
I'm stealing that.

309
00:11:19,443 --> 00:11:21,243
Ah, then you admit you're a thief.

310
00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:23,598
- Oh, you're good.
- You have no idea.

311
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:26,101
So, like, how's this going?

312
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,370
She's gonna let me walk
so I can take her to dinner.

313
00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:29,505
Like hell I am.

314
00:11:31,453 --> 00:11:32,919
Cheyenne, what are you doing? Come on.

315
00:11:33,077 --> 00:11:34,943
Um...

316
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,294
Ozark Highlands, how are we doing?

317
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:39,926
Oh, my God! Everybody, look!

318
00:11:39,944 --> 00:11:43,226
It's... it's Kira Moon, Zephra's CEO.

319
00:11:43,387 --> 00:11:44,520
- What?
- Hey!

320
00:11:44,522 --> 00:11:46,987
A household name we all know!

321
00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:50,734
Just popping in to say hello
to my new Cloud 9 stores.

322
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:51,817
Amy, right?

323
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:53,635
Yes. Yes, hi, I'm Amy.

324
00:11:53,684 --> 00:11:55,753
Sorry, you just said that.
Sorry, thank you.

325
00:11:55,754 --> 00:11:58,700
I gotta say, it's fitting
that it's Valentine's Day

326
00:11:58,702 --> 00:12:01,327
'cause I love what's
happening in your store.

327
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:03,687
Your holiday numbers were outstanding,

328
00:12:03,688 --> 00:12:05,684
and your rollout of the Z-tablets

329
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:07,223
led the region.

330
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,143
Whatever you're doing, bottle that

331
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,112
because I want it in my raw water.

332
00:12:11,282 --> 00:12:12,343
Ha!

333
00:12:12,344 --> 00:12:13,529
I'm gonna be honest with you.

334
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:16,470
Retail's new to me,
so you all are the experts.

335
00:12:16,794 --> 00:12:18,343
Tell me what you think we could do

336
00:12:18,344 --> 00:12:20,055
to make your lives better.

337
00:12:22,186 --> 00:12:23,418
Uh...

338
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,527
well, actually, for a long time now,

339
00:12:25,552 --> 00:12:29,220
we've been trying to get
Cloud 9 to address...

340
00:12:29,245 --> 00:12:30,947
Address our breakfast needs,

341
00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:34,327
which, by the way, you killed it today

342
00:12:34,328 --> 00:12:35,404
with the cereal bar.

343
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,076
And also getting to work in the morning

344
00:12:37,077 --> 00:12:38,082
can be tough for us, so...

345
00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:42,392
Which is why it's so great
that we get to arrive

346
00:12:42,393 --> 00:12:44,587
and be greeted by the cereal bar!

347
00:12:44,588 --> 00:12:46,248
Anyway, that's it.

348
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,262
That's all we wanted to say.

349
00:12:48,986 --> 00:12:50,318
Okay, then.

350
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,251
You know, well, I'm getting the signal

351
00:12:52,255 --> 00:12:55,235
I gotta hop on another call,
but we'll do this again soon.

352
00:12:58,268 --> 00:12:59,410
Wow.

353
00:13:00,290 --> 00:13:02,090
Hey, guys, I don't know if Kira noticed,

354
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:04,130
but my fly was open
for that whole thing.

355
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:07,541
Like, down and open.
Like, basically framing it.

356
00:13:11,455 --> 00:13:13,056
Okay, and if you could just
get me that number

357
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,290
by the end of the day,
that'd be great.

358
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:15,291
Thank you.

359
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:17,423
Hey, a customer asked
if the Zephra tablet

360
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:18,859
is compatible with AirPlay.

361
00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:20,973
Zephra is compatible with everything.

362
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:24,330
We do not question Zephra.
All hail Zephra.

363
00:13:25,299 --> 00:13:26,832
- Is that a yes?
- Don't mind Jonah.

364
00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:28,395
He's just upset that the tablet

365
00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:29,961
won't do everything he wants it to.

366
00:13:29,962 --> 00:13:32,450
And it never will if I'm
not allowed to ask it to.

367
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,161
Would you guys just, like,
get together already?

368
00:13:35,877 --> 00:13:37,509
- God.
- We are together.

369
00:13:37,598 --> 00:13:39,799
Look, all I'm saying is...

370
00:13:43,218 --> 00:13:44,884
Oh, crap.

371
00:13:45,019 --> 00:13:46,986
I totally forgot I set this up.

372
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:48,053
I mean, I know we said

373
00:13:48,055 --> 00:13:49,658
we weren't gonna do anything
for Valentine's Day...

374
00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,554
Oh, okay, so you're allowed
to break an agreement,

375
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:54,438
but if I do it... wait, is that
the guy from our first date?

376
00:13:54,475 --> 00:13:55,936
Yes, you said you loved him.

377
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,026
- That was very thoughtful.
- I know.

378
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,076
- Is that gnocchi?
- Yes, your favorite.

379
00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:02,642
- I love gnocchi.
- I know.

380
00:14:03,371 --> 00:14:06,639
You can't tell your problems
to Glenn the floor supervisor,

381
00:14:06,641 --> 00:14:08,040
so he clocked out.

382
00:14:08,042 --> 00:14:09,607
Now Glenn the friend is here,

383
00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:11,009
and you can tell him everything.

384
00:14:11,038 --> 00:14:12,804
Well, you know, if you must know,

385
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,847
everything is just making me wanna cry.

386
00:14:16,358 --> 00:14:20,429
It's... every time I see kids.

387
00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:23,697
- Mm-hmm.
- Or adults purchasing items.

388
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:24,978
Mm.

389
00:14:25,026 --> 00:14:26,759
Just everything here at work.

390
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:28,734
Well, sounds like you
got a lot going on,

391
00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:30,949
but don't worry, I have a solution.

392
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:32,728
Is it signing the mental distress forms?

393
00:14:32,729 --> 00:14:34,955
No, it is not. It's better.

394
00:14:35,109 --> 00:14:36,791
Great. Better's great.

395
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:48,496
What information don't you have?

396
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,242
Okay. Yes.

397
00:14:51,860 --> 00:14:54,360
At first, I was trying to
seduce you into letting me off,

398
00:14:54,816 --> 00:14:56,818
but there's some real chemistry here.

399
00:14:57,378 --> 00:14:58,744
You're willing to let all that go?

400
00:14:58,926 --> 00:15:00,062
You're a thief,

401
00:15:00,063 --> 00:15:01,729
and I'm not about to
compromise my morals

402
00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:05,333
for some completely earth-crushing,

403
00:15:05,335 --> 00:15:07,234
soul-shattering sex.

404
00:15:07,236 --> 00:15:09,057
This is about more than just sex.

405
00:15:09,672 --> 00:15:10,838
But yes,

406
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,941
it would probably feel like
a thunderstorm in our pants.

407
00:15:13,943 --> 00:15:15,996
- Dear God.
- Come on.

408
00:15:16,646 --> 00:15:18,892
Your whole job is preventing risk.

409
00:15:19,649 --> 00:15:21,082
What if you took one?

410
00:15:23,286 --> 00:15:24,385
Okay.

411
00:15:24,428 --> 00:15:25,453
Okay, I'll come clean.

412
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:27,822
I know that you did it,
and I don't even care.

413
00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:29,256
I knew that you knew.

414
00:15:29,258 --> 00:15:30,958
But that's part of our tango.

415
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,660
So how about dinner?

416
00:15:32,662 --> 00:15:33,817
Dinner it is.

417
00:15:34,364 --> 00:15:35,496
And breakfast.

418
00:15:35,498 --> 00:15:36,864
Mm.

419
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:39,500
The storm shelter is just a great place

420
00:15:39,502 --> 00:15:40,868
to get things off your chest.

421
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:42,169
Whenever I have troubles,

422
00:15:42,171 --> 00:15:44,505
I come down here and I shout 'em out.

423
00:15:44,507 --> 00:15:45,706
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

424
00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:47,041
Here, watch me.

425
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,809
Why did I have a baby

426
00:15:48,811 --> 00:15:50,756
so late in life?

427
00:15:51,647 --> 00:15:53,145
You know, stuff like that.

428
00:15:53,449 --> 00:15:54,548
You know, I think

429
00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:55,816
I understand what you're saying,

430
00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:58,114
but maybe I could use
some more examples.

431
00:15:58,554 --> 00:15:59,704
Okay, um...

432
00:16:00,723 --> 00:16:02,404
Diabetes stinks!

433
00:16:02,959 --> 00:16:05,242
I think I voted wrong!

434
00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:09,454
I think Ellen DeGeneres dances too much!

435
00:16:09,488 --> 00:16:11,080
It's unprofessional!

436
00:16:11,701 --> 00:16:13,367
Still not getting it.

437
00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:15,892
Oh, hey, is Amy looking for me?

438
00:16:15,894 --> 00:16:18,661
No, she's getting cash
to tip an accordion player.

439
00:16:18,741 --> 00:16:19,974
Thank God.

440
00:16:19,976 --> 00:16:21,475
I just came to get some fresh air.

441
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,906
Everybody thinks I'm their cereal boy.

442
00:16:23,908 --> 00:16:26,577
Earl just shook an empty bowl
at me and snapped his fingers.

443
00:16:27,658 --> 00:16:29,694
Hey, Jonah. I'm doing it.

444
00:16:30,059 --> 00:16:31,848
I'm going to the Chesterfield store

445
00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:33,277
to get in on their CEO call

446
00:16:33,278 --> 00:16:35,391
and get us our self-driving cars.

447
00:16:35,392 --> 00:16:37,754
Again, not our... oh, no!

448
00:16:37,756 --> 00:16:39,565
Sandra, no! I don't think you should...

449
00:16:41,399 --> 00:16:44,025
Amy is not gonna be happy about this.

450
00:16:45,263 --> 00:16:46,567
I better go tell her.

451
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,424
This job just keeps giving and giving!

452
00:16:53,656 --> 00:16:56,514
Your rollout of the
Z-tablets led the region.

453
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:59,007
Whatever you're doing, bottle it up,

454
00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:01,044
'cause I want it in my raw water.

455
00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:02,339
Sandra. Sandra.

456
00:17:02,341 --> 00:17:03,568
- Sandra.
- Sandra, come here.

457
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:04,801
Come on, come on.

458
00:17:04,802 --> 00:17:05,825
We have to go.

459
00:17:06,773 --> 00:17:09,626
I know this year has
been a tough one for...

460
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:12,656
- Sandra.
- Retail is new to me.

461
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,323
Sandra, come on. Let's go.
We gotta go. We gotta go.

462
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,926
- No, stop. I'm gonna be heard.
- No, you don't have to be heard.

463
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:18,744
- We gotta leave right now.
- I want a car.

464
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:20,375
I understand you want a
car, but she's...

465
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,632
Okay, Jonah, that's enough.
Come on, let's go.

466
00:17:22,657 --> 00:17:24,372
Hey, is everything okay back there?

467
00:17:26,515 --> 00:17:28,427
Um, yes. It's all good.

468
00:17:28,429 --> 00:17:30,763
Hey! Just coming by to say hey.

469
00:17:30,765 --> 00:17:32,297
Hey, Kira. Hey, everybody.

470
00:17:32,299 --> 00:17:34,433
You don't... you don't
work at this store?

471
00:17:34,435 --> 00:17:36,835
No. No, no, it's Amy Sosa?

472
00:17:36,837 --> 00:17:38,470
From the Ozark Highlands branch?

473
00:17:38,472 --> 00:17:39,838
We just had our chat?

474
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,607
Right, the cereal fan.

475
00:17:41,609 --> 00:17:44,276
You remember.
That's... that's good.

476
00:17:44,278 --> 00:17:46,612
Well, it was nice catching up.
Sandra, let's go.

477
00:17:46,614 --> 00:17:48,347
No, I have something to say.

478
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,316
I'm Sandra Kaluiokalani,

479
00:17:51,318 --> 00:17:53,352
and we demand self-driving cars.

480
00:17:53,354 --> 00:17:56,622
I know Zephra has them,
so you need to give them to us

481
00:17:56,624 --> 00:17:57,990
so I can stop taking the bus,

482
00:17:57,992 --> 00:18:01,136
where people watch their
phones at full volume

483
00:18:01,137 --> 00:18:04,296
and make me hold their babies
while they change its diapers.

484
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:05,619
Right, Jonah?

485
00:18:06,027 --> 00:18:07,493
I'm not on board with...

486
00:18:07,535 --> 00:18:09,401
I didn't even know the diaper part.

487
00:18:09,503 --> 00:18:10,670
Oh, I am so sorry.

488
00:18:10,671 --> 00:18:13,205
I am... I'm getting the signal,
so we're out of time,

489
00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:15,021
but it was so great meeting you all,

490
00:18:15,022 --> 00:18:18,410
and Amy, my next call's
at the Taipei store,

491
00:18:18,412 --> 00:18:19,978
so see you there?

492
00:18:21,415 --> 00:18:22,571
Real nice.

493
00:18:22,572 --> 00:18:24,416
We were gonna do
our store chant for her.

494
00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:26,093
We're really sorry.

495
00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:27,456
What's your chant?

496
00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:30,088
Go, Chesterfield!

497
00:18:31,725 --> 00:18:33,308
- Yeah.
- It's a good chant.

498
00:18:34,335 --> 00:18:36,839
Okay, so shouting didn't do the trick,

499
00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:40,899
but how about I take you
on a fishing trip, huh?

500
00:18:40,901 --> 00:18:43,735
Just you and me and a gentle breeze.

501
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,816
- It'll be relaxing.
- I would not like that.

502
00:18:45,817 --> 00:18:47,638
Oh, yes, you would.

503
00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:50,498
What are you doing...
no, no, don't do that!

504
00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:52,778
I'm picking you up
at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow,

505
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,913
come rain or shine,

506
00:18:54,915 --> 00:18:57,049
and unfortunately,
it is supposed to rain.

507
00:18:57,051 --> 00:18:58,684
Okay, no. That's not happening.

508
00:18:58,686 --> 00:18:59,723
Look, Glenn,

509
00:19:00,962 --> 00:19:02,395
there are no problems.

510
00:19:02,497 --> 00:19:03,506
I made it all up.

511
00:19:03,591 --> 00:19:05,446
I was just trying to get
some paid time off.

512
00:19:05,447 --> 00:19:08,460
You lied about mental distress?

513
00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:12,197
Yeah, I guess when you say it like that,

514
00:19:12,199 --> 00:19:14,758
it sounds really bad,
but I just needed a break.

515
00:19:15,084 --> 00:19:16,235
Man, I'm tired.

516
00:19:16,237 --> 00:19:17,832
I just wanted a day
off where I could just

517
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:20,038
sit at home alone
playing video games

518
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,893
and not shower and eat pizza.

519
00:19:22,409 --> 00:19:24,109
That's how you spend your days off?

520
00:19:24,111 --> 00:19:26,574
Sitting in your apartment, alone?

521
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:29,815
Well, I mean, I'm not really alone.

522
00:19:29,817 --> 00:19:31,550
I'm playing with the people online.

523
00:19:31,552 --> 00:19:32,612
Of course.

524
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,406
That's basically like having friends.

525
00:19:34,488 --> 00:19:35,487
It is!

526
00:19:35,489 --> 00:19:38,572
Hey, I'm just glad that you
don't have any problems.

527
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:40,986
I don't have any.

528
00:19:42,462 --> 00:19:43,928
And I'm not thinking about my life.

529
00:19:43,964 --> 00:19:45,995
I'm just being quiet
'cause you walked away.

530
00:19:50,569 --> 00:19:51,885
The cereal's gone.

531
00:19:52,051 --> 00:19:54,773
It was supposed to last a month,
and those monsters ate it in a day.

532
00:19:54,775 --> 00:19:56,183
Oh, my God. You did it.

533
00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:58,256
- You got us cars.
- I did?

534
00:19:58,445 --> 00:20:00,112
Zephra just sent a mass email

535
00:20:00,114 --> 00:20:02,648
saying that Cloud 9
employees now get 50% off

536
00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:04,583
all Lyfts nationwide.

537
00:20:04,985 --> 00:20:06,285
Holy crap.

538
00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:07,418
Huh.

539
00:20:07,742 --> 00:20:12,079
Okay, well, I guess
I am pleasantly surprised

540
00:20:12,092 --> 00:20:15,827
that Kira seems to have listened.

541
00:20:15,829 --> 00:20:18,181
Yeah, she did, didn't she?

542
00:20:18,182 --> 00:20:19,598
Maybe they're different.

543
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,534
Oh, my God. Is that a dirty diaper?

544
00:20:22,536 --> 00:20:24,835
Ugh, God, our customers are animals.

545
00:20:26,206 --> 00:20:27,132
Oh.

546
00:20:27,652 --> 00:20:30,519
"Happy Valentine's Day, Grandpa."

547
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:31,720
Yeah, well, I had to raid

548
00:20:31,722 --> 00:20:33,155
what was left of the seasonal aisle.

549
00:20:33,157 --> 00:20:35,426
- Aww.
- If you're gonna break our agreement...

550
00:20:35,427 --> 00:20:37,092
It's only fair.

551
00:20:37,094 --> 00:20:39,728
And a half-eaten box of chocolates.

552
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:42,031
Did a coconut check for you.
Took care of 'em.

553
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,219
Thank you.

554
00:20:43,768 --> 00:20:46,386
Oh, I can still taste the...

555
00:20:46,387 --> 00:20:48,671
Yeah, I ate, like,
a whole coconut's worth.

556
00:20:48,673 --> 00:20:51,040
And there was, like,
a little bit of gnocchi in there.

557
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,942
Oh, yeah, you don't like
that gnoc-onut vibe?

558
00:20:52,944 --> 00:20:54,874
Don't say that.
Don't say gnoc-onut.

559
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:58,180
Hey, thanks for taking a chance on me.

560
00:20:58,182 --> 00:21:00,390
It's Valentine's Day.
I had to follow my heart.

561
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:03,919
Nah...

562
00:21:04,522 --> 00:21:06,018
are you kidding me?

563
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,724
Look, I'm sorry, Benny,
but I had no choice.

564
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,726
This doesn't mean anything
has to change between us.

565
00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:12,261
Yeah, it kind of does.

566
00:21:12,263 --> 00:21:13,601
I'll wait for you!

567
00:21:14,131 --> 00:21:16,966
Not sexually,
or if I've met someone else.

568
00:21:16,968 --> 00:21:18,367
Up yours!

569
00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:19,978
I wish.

570
00:21:20,229 --> 00:21:27,751
credits