1
00:00:00,615 --> 00:00:02,883
Question. I need to hire an assistant.

2
00:00:02,921 --> 00:00:03,875
Do you think it would be unethical

3
00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:05,809
to hire the second most
qualified candidate?

4
00:00:05,834 --> 00:00:07,133
What's wrong with the most qualified?

5
00:00:07,158 --> 00:00:08,191
Well...

6
00:00:08,423 --> 00:00:10,468
And after graduating
Stanford engineering,

7
00:00:10,537 --> 00:00:12,170
I was offered a Rhodes Scholarship.

8
00:00:13,487 --> 00:00:14,527
Do you have any questions for me?

9
00:00:15,931 --> 00:00:17,931
I definitely have to carve out
some extra time for giggling.

10
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,521
You can't discriminate
against the poor guy

11
00:00:19,546 --> 00:00:21,027
just because he's a smoke show.

12
00:00:21,052 --> 00:00:23,539
I've been battling
hot-shaming my entire life.

13
00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:24,763
Please don't say "hot lives matter."

14
00:00:25,924 --> 00:00:27,423
Hey, Grandpa. What's up?

15
00:00:27,442 --> 00:00:29,108
Returning this to your mom.

16
00:00:29,254 --> 00:00:30,320
Who's the beefcake?

17
00:00:30,345 --> 00:00:31,363
Oh...

18
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:32,822
I need to hire an assistant,

19
00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:34,747
and this gentleman is
currently the frontrunner.

20
00:00:34,816 --> 00:00:36,059
Does he get a normal paycheck,

21
00:00:36,084 --> 00:00:38,171
or are you just gonna stuff
ones down his G-string?

22
00:00:38,196 --> 00:00:40,096
I do have some trepidation
about the optics.

23
00:00:40,121 --> 00:00:42,731
Well, you should.
These are sensitive times.

24
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Perception is everything.

25
00:00:44,406 --> 00:00:46,402
I didn't care about any of that crap.

26
00:00:46,427 --> 00:00:48,694
I don't have enough work
for my assistant, Margaret.

27
00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:50,195
Been with me 40 years.

28
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:51,807
I can't just put her out to pasture

29
00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:53,623
like some worn-out plow horse.

30
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The old broad deserves a little respect.

31
00:00:56,381 --> 00:00:57,847
No offense, Grandpa, but I need someone

32
00:00:57,872 --> 00:00:59,604
who can hit the ground running.

33
00:00:59,673 --> 00:01:01,473
Margaret's more someone
who would hit a pedestrian

34
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and not even realize it.

35
00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,242
Just because she's no Christie Brinkley,

36
00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:05,800
who, by the way,
is a year older than Margaret,

37
00:01:05,946 --> 00:01:07,679
doesn't mean we throw
her on the scrap heap.

38
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Well, she'd have to start tomorrow.

39
00:01:09,449 --> 00:01:10,982
Is she okay working on a Saturday?

40
00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:12,083
That's the advantage of hiring somebody

41
00:01:12,152 --> 00:01:13,318
with a few miles on her...

42
00:01:13,386 --> 00:01:15,520
By 6:00 a.m.,
she will have had two soft-boiled eggs

43
00:01:15,622 --> 00:01:17,088
and be raring to go.

44
00:01:25,591 --> 00:01:30,325
credits

45
00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:32,024
Cam, come on, let's go.

46
00:01:32,049 --> 00:01:34,293
No, hold on just a second.
I need to finish this.

47
00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:36,995
Please tell me this isn't
another letter-writing campaign.

48
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,320
They're not going to rename our street.

49
00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:39,698
Okay, Mary Kay Place would be

50
00:01:39,723 --> 00:01:41,823
a very fun tribute to
an American treasure,

51
00:01:41,848 --> 00:01:43,168
but, no, that's not what this is.

52
00:01:43,193 --> 00:01:44,359
Cam, come on. I want to go.

53
00:01:44,384 --> 00:01:46,371
The store opens in a half-hour, okay?

54
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You know I get all my pants for
the entire year at this sale,

55
00:01:48,321 --> 00:01:50,688
and 32 is a very, very common pant size.

56
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It'd be great if we could go a day

57
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without you mentioning
your 32-inch waist size.

58
00:01:54,093 --> 00:01:55,226
No, this is urgent.

59
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Señor Kaplan cut my
"Wind Beneath My Wings" number

60
00:01:58,187 --> 00:02:00,387
at the faculty follies "for time."

61
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So I'm turning him in to the IRS

62
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for deducting his breakfast burritos.

63
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You're wasting your life
with these rivalries.

64
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There is a guy at work who
always eats my peanut butter,

65
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but I just let it go
because life's too short

66
00:02:11,489 --> 00:02:13,333
and so is he,
and maybe the peanut butter

67
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is just his creamy substitute
for human affection.

68
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Okay? Can we go? Could we please go?

69
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- Yes.
- Thank you.

70
00:02:19,254 --> 00:02:20,518
- Oh! Ah!
- Oh, my gosh.

71
00:02:20,753 --> 00:02:22,534
I'm s... Uh... C-Can we help you?

72
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Name's Murray Clark.

73
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I grew up in this house.

74
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- Oh! Hi!
- Oh!

75
00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:29,864
Well, my name is Cameron.
This is my husband, Mitchell.

76
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Well, that's funny.

77
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Okay.

78
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Uh, so, we were just about to leave.
See, I get all my pants...

79
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I haven't seen this house
since I went off to war.

80
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Oh, and you'd like to come in

81
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and take a look around a little bit?

82
00:02:41,841 --> 00:02:43,574
No, nothing like that.

83
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I just came here to die.

84
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- Uh, excuse me?
- I'm sorry?

85
00:02:48,271 --> 00:02:51,653
Oh, it's nothing sad.
I'll just be a minute.

86
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Actually, could I get a juice first?

87
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Oh, of course.

88
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- Why not?
- Sure, yeah.

89
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- What are you doing?
- Being a gracious host.

90
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To a stranger who wants to die here?

91
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Oh, come on, Mitchell,
nothing's going to happen.

92
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It's just a cry for help.

93
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Okay, if I can't get a pair of
slim-cut chinos in French Blue,

94
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you're gonna die here.

95
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- Marvin? Milton?
- No, it's Murray.

96
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- Murray? Murray!
- Murray!

97
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Oh, my God. Did he actually die?

98
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:21,299
Calm down!
I'm... I'm first aid certified!

99
00:03:21,324 --> 00:03:23,324
Murray? Murray!!

100
00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:25,415
Who taught you first aid,
a nanny on death row?

101
00:03:25,517 --> 00:03:27,202
- Wake up!
- Damn it!

102
00:03:27,237 --> 00:03:29,552
- Oh!
- I flew coach all the way from Florida

103
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to die in this house, and you ruined it!

104
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Oh, my God. That's insane.

105
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You knew you were going
to die and you flew coach?

106
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What are you doing?

107
00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:40,000
Oh, I'm trying to spruce up my résumé.

108
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This job hunt is killing me.

109
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I'm sorry, Mom, but if those companies

110
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aren't smart enough to hire you,

111
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you don't want to work with them anyway.

112
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That's what I used to
tell Alex about boys.

113
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Just don't jump at the first offer.

114
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That's what I used to
tell you about boys.

115
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He's here! He's here!!

116
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Today, our old
neighbor-turned-tech-titan,

117
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Kenneth, is coming to visit.

118
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And he says he has a
"big surprise" for me.

119
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I don't know if the super rich
have access to time travel,

120
00:04:02,494 --> 00:04:04,403
but if they do,
I'm going back to the '90s.

121
00:04:04,473 --> 00:04:06,506
Ooh, to buy a whole bunch
of Amazon stock?

122
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No!

123
00:04:08,877 --> 00:04:11,677
I'm going to tell Felicity
not to cut her hair.

124
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Yeah!

125
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Hi.

126
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Okay.

127
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- Haley, get in here!
- Nah, I'm good.

128
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We're not letting go of each
other until you get in here.

129
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Haley, get in the hug!

130
00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:28,862
- Oh!
- Oh, this feels so good!

131
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:31,108
Sure, but who needs hugs when you can...

132
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:32,943
- man-shake!
- Man-shake!

133
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,701
Uh-oh. You're gonna want to
give them some space for this.

134
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- Mm, mm, mm.
- Mm, mm, mm.

135
00:04:36,371 --> 00:04:37,437
- Pew!
- Pew!

136
00:04:40,041 --> 00:04:41,628
Ooh, what are the cameras for?

137
00:04:41,653 --> 00:04:43,153
Huh? Oh!

138
00:04:43,255 --> 00:04:45,789
This is for a documentary
about tech visionaries

139
00:04:45,814 --> 00:04:48,258
going back to thank the
people who inspired them.

140
00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:50,850
Elon Musk got his math
teacher an island.

141
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:51,941
What am I getting?

142
00:04:51,966 --> 00:04:53,430
Assuming it's... me.

143
00:04:53,455 --> 00:04:55,622
- Well, are the cameras rolling?
- Yes.

144
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What is the one thing

145
00:04:57,637 --> 00:04:59,403
that we've always dreamed
of doing together?

146
00:04:59,428 --> 00:05:01,148
Going to college in
New York with Felicity?

147
00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:02,372
No.

148
00:05:02,397 --> 00:05:04,164
This man right here,

149
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:06,866
he taught me to always dream big

150
00:05:06,968 --> 00:05:08,802
and reach for the stars.

151
00:05:08,982 --> 00:05:11,415
And as a thank-you, Phil,

152
00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:14,584
would you make me the
happiest man on Earth

153
00:05:14,609 --> 00:05:17,220
and leave Earth with me?

154
00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:18,912
W-W-What?!

155
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:23,483
I just got us two tickets
on the next Russian flight

156
00:05:23,508 --> 00:05:26,833
to the International Space Station!

157
00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:29,060
This is the most amazing thing
that's ever happened to me!

158
00:05:29,157 --> 00:05:30,888
Except of... of course,

159
00:05:32,195 --> 00:05:35,196
...winning two non-consecutive
Realtor of the Year Awards.

160
00:05:35,564 --> 00:05:37,192
I'm... I'm going to cry.

161
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,611
Uh, don't cry yet. I'm so sorry.
We had a sound issue.

162
00:05:39,645 --> 00:05:40,677
Can we do all that again?

163
00:05:40,702 --> 00:05:43,317
Yeah! Should we take it back to the hug?

164
00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:49,137
So, tickets for my show
today are at will call.

165
00:05:49,162 --> 00:05:51,208
And good news...
I was able to get you comps.

166
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,716
I'm sure it'll cost me in other ways.

167
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,587
It's from Dad. "I'm almost there."

168
00:05:55,612 --> 00:05:58,880
If "almost there" was a place,
Javier would be the mayor.

169
00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:01,354
Please stop taking pot shots
at his expense.

170
00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:02,621
Pot shots are the only thing

171
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:04,623
that we can take at his expense.

172
00:06:05,322 --> 00:06:07,570
I mean it, Mom.
You've even poisoned Joe.

173
00:06:07,595 --> 00:06:09,762
You mean with her cooking?

174
00:06:09,831 --> 00:06:11,403
Hey, we're only making fun of Javier!

175
00:06:12,212 --> 00:06:13,432
No, we're not.

176
00:06:13,576 --> 00:06:15,545
- Promise me.
- Okay, fine, I promise.

177
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,869
If my good-natured ribbing
is making you uncomfortable,

178
00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,927
I will refrain.

179
00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:22,133
I've got her on Word a Day cards.

180
00:06:22,158 --> 00:06:23,817
We'll see how long it holds.

181
00:06:25,529 --> 00:06:26,828
Hola, Gloria.

182
00:06:26,897 --> 00:06:28,597
Oh, Javier, h... Eeeee.

183
00:06:28,743 --> 00:06:30,042
Nice teeth.

184
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:33,068
Did you get them at the
dentist or at the piano store?

185
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,418
I haven't seen anything
so white and square

186
00:06:35,443 --> 00:06:37,649
since the Mormons knocked on my door.

187
00:06:37,674 --> 00:06:40,175
And those were just
off the top of my head,

188
00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,154
but I promised Manny, so... Pbht!

189
00:06:42,256 --> 00:06:43,978
Nice to see you. Come in.

190
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,411
- Hey, Dad!
- There's my boy!

191
00:06:48,062 --> 00:06:49,361
Whee!

192
00:06:49,386 --> 00:06:53,221
Someone has been wearing
my custom-made cologne...

193
00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:54,388
Javier!

194
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:57,278
For the man who wants to smell
a little bit like a woman.

195
00:06:57,303 --> 00:06:58,677
Thanks for coming to my show, Dad.

196
00:06:58,729 --> 00:06:59,961
Of course. I wouldn't miss it.

197
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,587
But, hey, that is not
the only reason I am in town.

198
00:07:02,612 --> 00:07:05,044
I, um... I have a proposition...

199
00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:07,427
something for you to chew on.

200
00:07:07,942 --> 00:07:09,615
Couldn't you chew on it for us

201
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,007
with your giant, new beaver mouth?

202
00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:14,596
I don't know why
I made that stupid promise.

203
00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:15,954
I am on fire!

204
00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:19,271
I was in a high-stakes poker
game with a King-high Flush.

205
00:07:19,296 --> 00:07:20,893
So I bet my house.

206
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:21,983
No, no, no, no, no.

207
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:23,573
You're not living in Manny's room.

208
00:07:23,598 --> 00:07:27,166
I won a year-long
cruise around the world.

209
00:07:27,191 --> 00:07:30,045
I want you to set sail with
me for the entire voyage!

210
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,870
- What?!
- Absolutely not.

211
00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,472
I should ask my gal at Nordstrom

212
00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:35,017
to pull some cruise looks for me.

213
00:07:35,042 --> 00:07:36,875
Look at him, he's chomping at the bit.

214
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:38,567
Stop setting me up!

215
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,796
Here you go.
A cup of joe, the old-fashioned way.

216
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:45,488
- Oh, thanks, Margaret.
- Mm-hmm.

217
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:50,463
Mnh! Oh, God.
I-Is there bourbon in this?

218
00:07:50,488 --> 00:07:51,787
When you asked for coffee,

219
00:07:51,812 --> 00:07:54,410
didn't you give me a "wink-wink"?

220
00:07:54,435 --> 00:07:56,235
No. It's the morning.

221
00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:58,260
Well, that's why there's coffee in it.

222
00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:01,647
Could you just make me a
lunch reservation, please?

223
00:08:02,419 --> 00:08:03,864
Oh. No problem.

224
00:08:04,274 --> 00:08:05,440
What's that thing?

225
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,820
Oh, these are all the great restaurants

226
00:08:07,845 --> 00:08:09,277
that Jay used to go to.

227
00:08:10,027 --> 00:08:12,544
Oh. Do you like Steak Diane?

228
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:17,029
It took her 12 tries to find
a place that had a salad.

229
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:20,065
Uh, w-what are you doing?

230
00:08:20,090 --> 00:08:21,967
Oh, I was just getting the couch ready

231
00:08:21,992 --> 00:08:23,795
for your afternoon "meeting."

232
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:26,120
Why are you saying "meeting"
like it's not really a meeting?

233
00:08:27,122 --> 00:08:28,012
Just so you know,

234
00:08:28,047 --> 00:08:30,764
when I say something,
that's exactly what I mean.

235
00:08:30,817 --> 00:08:32,483
Also, when you called me from your car,

236
00:08:32,508 --> 00:08:33,911
I couldn't really understand you.

237
00:08:33,986 --> 00:08:35,519
You may want to fix your Bluetooth.

238
00:08:35,621 --> 00:08:37,421
Oh. You noticed?

239
00:08:37,523 --> 00:08:40,024
The nerve died a few years ago.

240
00:08:40,092 --> 00:08:42,960
But if it bothers you,
I'll have it yanked.

241
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:46,808
So, Manny, what is your show about?

242
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,428
Will there be pirates
and tasteful nudity?

243
00:08:49,453 --> 00:08:51,200
It'll be different from my last one.

244
00:08:51,270 --> 00:08:52,603
This is a one-man play

245
00:08:52,628 --> 00:08:54,716
in which I portray four
characters in a café

246
00:08:54,741 --> 00:08:56,106
from different walks of life.

247
00:08:56,258 --> 00:08:57,334
When the Internet goes out,

248
00:08:57,359 --> 00:08:59,092
they're forced to talk to each other.

249
00:08:59,131 --> 00:09:02,566
I call it "Who, What,
When, Where, Wi-Fi."

250
00:09:02,731 --> 00:09:03,797
I'd throw in a pirate.

251
00:09:04,454 --> 00:09:05,999
I should go get into characters.

252
00:09:07,853 --> 00:09:09,586
Manny's not going on that trip.

253
00:09:09,688 --> 00:09:12,255
I know what an adventure with you means.

254
00:09:12,357 --> 00:09:14,124
Seedy bars, con men,

255
00:09:14,149 --> 00:09:16,103
souvenir pens that when you flip them,

256
00:09:16,128 --> 00:09:17,761
the lady's clothes come off.

257
00:09:17,829 --> 00:09:19,906
If my son wants to
spend some time with me,

258
00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:20,947
he should be able to.

259
00:09:20,966 --> 00:09:22,953
Jay... back me up.

260
00:09:22,978 --> 00:09:24,144
He's not gonna back you up.

261
00:09:24,169 --> 00:09:26,156
Gloria, let Manny go on the trip.
He'll be fine.

262
00:09:26,181 --> 00:09:28,414
He's been 40 since he was 10.

263
00:09:28,439 --> 00:09:30,339
And he's been 10 for 40 years.

264
00:09:30,441 --> 00:09:31,541
It's not happening.

265
00:09:31,609 --> 00:09:33,442
Look, I understand your concern,

266
00:09:33,511 --> 00:09:36,005
but I want to bond with
Manny before it's too late.

267
00:09:36,915 --> 00:09:39,248
I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

268
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,867
You probably didn't notice,
but I got veneers.

269
00:09:41,969 --> 00:09:43,469
Oh, that's what that is!

270
00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:46,516
Please don't die in our house.

271
00:09:46,541 --> 00:09:47,673
What the hell do you care?

272
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,675
For starters,
if we ever want to sell this place,

273
00:09:49,744 --> 00:09:51,276
we'll have to disclose
that someone died here.

274
00:09:51,345 --> 00:09:52,778
Why? The last owners didn't.

275
00:09:52,847 --> 00:09:54,813
For the millionth time,
I moved that chair.

276
00:09:54,915 --> 00:09:57,670
My wife passed years ago.
I don't have any other family.

277
00:09:57,695 --> 00:10:00,296
I just want to close
my eyes and drift off.

278
00:10:00,321 --> 00:10:02,787
There are lots of reasons
to want to continue to live.

279
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,406
I know you miss your missus,

280
00:10:04,475 --> 00:10:06,007
but living alone is underrated.

281
00:10:06,076 --> 00:10:08,330
For one, you can have
whatever you want for dinner.

282
00:10:08,355 --> 00:10:10,722
- Huh.
- Two, you can move the couch wherever you'd like.

283
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:11,947
It's been 10 years.

284
00:10:12,015 --> 00:10:13,536
Where...
Where would the couch look better?

285
00:10:13,561 --> 00:10:16,395
I appreciate what you
think passes for support.

286
00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:18,253
I'm just not interested.

287
00:10:18,271 --> 00:10:20,138
I think you need a more
positive outlook on life.

288
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,240
Our neighbor Herschel,
he's about your age.

289
00:10:22,342 --> 00:10:24,075
- Herschel Braverman?
- Yeah.

290
00:10:24,144 --> 00:10:26,177
- We grew up together.
- We love Herschel!

291
00:10:26,246 --> 00:10:28,513
We... We bring him a corned beef
sandwich every time we go to the deli.

292
00:10:28,615 --> 00:10:30,749
Yeah, see?
There's something to live for.

293
00:10:30,784 --> 00:10:32,799
- Yeah.
- You should go reunite with your old friend.

294
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:33,951
- Right now.
- Okay, you know what?

295
00:10:33,953 --> 00:10:35,720
Don't be rude. We'll walk him over.

296
00:10:35,789 --> 00:10:37,488
He's just in a hurry
to get to a pants sale

297
00:10:37,557 --> 00:10:38,756
that started 30 minutes ago.

298
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:40,680
What are you, a 32?

299
00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:41,726
I am.

300
00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:44,762
All the good stuff's already gone.

301
00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:48,265
If you guys want to keep
up with the Russians,

302
00:10:48,334 --> 00:10:50,201
- you're gonna have to train.
- Oh.

303
00:10:50,269 --> 00:10:51,402
I'll get the vodka!

304
00:10:53,472 --> 00:10:55,072
If I could build a fembot
with lifelike skin,

305
00:10:55,174 --> 00:10:56,407
it would be just like her.

306
00:10:56,509 --> 00:10:58,342
Did you get a weird vibe from Claire?

307
00:10:58,444 --> 00:11:00,611
No, she seemed
super positive and supportive.

308
00:11:00,713 --> 00:11:01,979
That's exactly what I mean.

309
00:11:03,816 --> 00:11:06,783
Oh, while I'm here,
I'm gonna see if we have any Tang!

310
00:11:06,787 --> 00:11:09,186
I don't want to go to space, Claire!
I'm terrified!

311
00:11:09,204 --> 00:11:11,304
What happens if I break
something and we can't breathe?

312
00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:13,540
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I can't breathe right now.

313
00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:16,510
Honey, calm down!
The Russians know what they're doing!

314
00:11:16,578 --> 00:11:18,211
I'm going to die up there!

315
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,913
Just tell him you don't want to go.

316
00:11:20,015 --> 00:11:21,982
This is such an amazing gift,
it'll crush him.

317
00:11:22,084 --> 00:11:24,117
Plus, I'll look like a
coward in that documentary.

318
00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:25,686
You're right,
we don't want to see this on film.

319
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:27,721
I'm taping over it already in my mind.

320
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,756
- You've gotta shut this down.
- What?!

321
00:11:29,808 --> 00:11:31,774
Help me, Claire. You're my only hope.

322
00:11:31,877 --> 00:11:33,076
Fine.

323
00:11:33,178 --> 00:11:34,477
But if I do this, you're not allowed

324
00:11:34,579 --> 00:11:35,845
to quote "Star Wars" to me anymore.

325
00:11:35,947 --> 00:11:37,925
- I love you.
- I know.

326
00:11:40,596 --> 00:11:42,395
Hey... Kenneth.

327
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:44,420
I was just talking to
Buzz-kill Aldrin over here...

328
00:11:44,523 --> 00:11:46,009
Claire,
I-I hope you don't mind terribly,

329
00:11:46,034 --> 00:11:47,701
but I was just taking a
peek at your résumé.

330
00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:49,692
It is very impressive.

331
00:11:49,717 --> 00:11:50,949
Have you landed anywhere?

332
00:11:50,974 --> 00:11:52,340
Uh, not yet, no.

333
00:11:52,365 --> 00:11:55,094
- You know, speaking of landings, unfortunately...
- Wow, really?

334
00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:58,067
Well, we should talk about a
really interesting job opportunity

335
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,391
that just opened up at my company.

336
00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:00,682
I would love that.

337
00:12:00,707 --> 00:12:04,150
I'm looking for a bold candidate
who loves to take chances.

338
00:12:04,175 --> 00:12:06,642
No, you are looking at a bold candidate

339
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:08,233
who loves to take chances.

340
00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:11,480
I know, but, still, um, Claire has...

341
00:12:11,582 --> 00:12:13,415
Claire has some concerns.

342
00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:17,086
If I'm working for you,
do I still get hugs?

343
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,377
- No, not in this climate.
- Oh.

344
00:12:18,407 --> 00:12:20,641
Best I can offer is a wo-man shake!

345
00:12:20,892 --> 00:12:22,124
Ha! What?

346
00:12:22,226 --> 00:12:23,826
Uh, uh, pew!

347
00:12:23,928 --> 00:12:25,161
- Whoa!
- What?

348
00:12:25,186 --> 00:12:26,886
- Wow, you are a quick study.
- How am I doing this?!

349
00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:30,547
Remember, shred this, don't fax it.

350
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,883
- Hey, honey.
- Hi, Jay. - Grandpa.

351
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,110
Cup of coffee, Margaret?

352
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:36,507
Grandpa, what are you doing here?

353
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:39,050
A terrible thing happened today
at Manny's one-man show...

354
00:12:39,085 --> 00:12:40,426
He got me a ticket.

355
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,426
No, I just stopped in to see
how Margaret's working out.

356
00:12:43,478 --> 00:12:44,483
She's not.

357
00:12:44,512 --> 00:12:45,912
As much as I enjoyed her pairing

358
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,781
the glass of Chablis with
my surprise shrimp cocktail,

359
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:51,083
that's not a skill I
need in an assistant.

360
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:52,418
You have to fire her.

361
00:12:52,487 --> 00:12:54,587
I can't.
She worked for me her whole life.

362
00:12:54,655 --> 00:12:57,389
She slept on the sidewalk to
get me Nancy Sinatra tickets.

363
00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:58,891
Fine. I'll do it.

364
00:12:58,926 --> 00:13:00,492
Margaret,
could you come in here, please?

365
00:13:00,561 --> 00:13:02,528
This is the second thing
today I can't watch.

366
00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:05,197
I did everything I could for you.

367
00:13:05,265 --> 00:13:06,364
She's a cold one.

368
00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:08,700
What's going on here?

369
00:13:08,769 --> 00:13:10,102
Am I fired?

370
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:11,336
I'm afraid so.

371
00:13:11,438 --> 00:13:13,071
Oh, thank God!

372
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,173
I've been wanting to
retire for years now,

373
00:13:15,242 --> 00:13:17,309
but I could never let Jay down.

374
00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:20,545
I just want to sleep,
tend my cannabis garden,

375
00:13:20,614 --> 00:13:22,581
and never work again.

376
00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:25,150
Margaret, I want you back at Dog Beds.

377
00:13:25,252 --> 00:13:27,585
Oh, whatever you say, Jay.

378
00:13:27,687 --> 00:13:28,720
See you tomorrow.

379
00:13:28,788 --> 00:13:31,456
No! Grandpa, Margaret wants to retire.

380
00:13:31,558 --> 00:13:34,425
It's not what I want.
It's what Jay needs.

381
00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:36,294
Ugh, what is wrong with you two?

382
00:13:36,363 --> 00:13:37,695
You don't need an assistant,

383
00:13:37,764 --> 00:13:38,997
and she doesn't want to work anymore.

384
00:13:39,065 --> 00:13:41,165
Is this true?
Do you really want to hang it up?

385
00:13:41,184 --> 00:13:43,784
There are some things
I wouldn't mind trying.

386
00:13:43,853 --> 00:13:45,953
Well, then you should do it.
I'll manage.

387
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,154
It's going to be weird, though.

388
00:13:47,223 --> 00:13:49,857
I mean, you're the longest
relationship I've ever had.

389
00:13:49,925 --> 00:13:52,259
Four husbands, three heart attacks,

390
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:54,028
countless lovers,

391
00:13:54,096 --> 00:13:57,164
and you stood by me through it all.

392
00:13:57,533 --> 00:13:58,865
I love you, Jay.

393
00:14:00,836 --> 00:14:02,269
I love you, too, Margaret.

394
00:14:03,439 --> 00:14:04,504
It's been a great run.

395
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:06,073
And we'll always have Mitchell.

396
00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:08,608
- What?!
- She's messing with you.

397
00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:12,412
No, our kid moved away a long time ago.

398
00:14:15,918 --> 00:14:17,718
Hey, forget what I told you earlier.

399
00:14:17,786 --> 00:14:19,319
It's okay to hire the hot one.

400
00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:21,088
You may make a friend for life.

401
00:14:24,142 --> 00:14:26,476
Hey, fellas!

402
00:14:26,544 --> 00:14:28,444
- Hey, Herschel!
- You bring me a sandwich?

403
00:14:28,513 --> 00:14:30,380
Oh, no, we didn't go to the deli today.

404
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:32,448
- Eh...
- No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!

405
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:35,218
But how about a trip
down memory lane instead?

406
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,420
- Eh...
- W-Wait, wait, wait.

407
00:14:37,522 --> 00:14:39,422
Herschel, look, we have your old friend

408
00:14:39,524 --> 00:14:42,058
- Murray Clark!
- Clark!

409
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:43,993
Well, what do you know?

410
00:14:44,062 --> 00:14:45,161
Hello, Hersch.

411
00:14:45,229 --> 00:14:46,729
It's been a lifetime.

412
00:14:47,398 --> 00:14:50,933
Don't give me that,
you smug sonuvabitch.

413
00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:52,234
What... W-What's happening?

414
00:14:52,336 --> 00:14:55,704
This bastard told our football
coach I was a communist.

415
00:14:55,773 --> 00:14:57,439
Got me kicked off the team.

416
00:14:57,541 --> 00:14:58,674
I could've gone pro!

417
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:01,910
I only did that
'cause he stole my paper route!

418
00:15:02,012 --> 00:15:04,813
I had to deliver ice
to support my family.

419
00:15:04,882 --> 00:15:06,348
Deliver ice? How old are you guys?

420
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:08,383
- You're a snake!
- You're a rat!

421
00:15:08,752 --> 00:15:10,852
He stole my girl when I went to war,

422
00:15:10,921 --> 00:15:12,887
and he stayed home with a fake limp.

423
00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:14,289
You should be grateful!

424
00:15:14,358 --> 00:15:15,824
That woman gave me the clap!

425
00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:17,826
That was a little gift from me!

426
00:15:17,928 --> 00:15:19,027
Eh!

427
00:15:19,096 --> 00:15:20,395
Murray, what the heck was that?

428
00:15:20,497 --> 00:15:21,630
Just the beginning.

429
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:22,964
The beg... the beginning?

430
00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:27,168
Oh... Murray.
Uh, what are you doing, buddy?

431
00:15:27,637 --> 00:15:29,237
Nobody talks to me like that.

432
00:15:31,007 --> 00:15:32,240
Oh.

433
00:15:32,342 --> 00:15:33,342
Fine.

434
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,942
I'm taking it.

435
00:15:35,011 --> 00:15:37,412
And when I get home,
I'm going to sign him up

436
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,213
for a bunch of those fringe religions.

437
00:15:39,282 --> 00:15:42,183
Let's see how he likes getting
all those singing visitors

438
00:15:42,252 --> 00:15:44,185
and all those free Bibles.

439
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,320
I'm going to ruin the rest of his life.

440
00:15:46,422 --> 00:15:48,389
See, Mitchell,
he's making plans for the future.

441
00:15:48,424 --> 00:15:50,691
That's why you have rivals.
It's something to live for.

442
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,893
Okay, you're just
justifying bad behavior.

443
00:15:52,962 --> 00:15:54,795
Okay, Murray, Mitchell has somebody at work
that keeps stealing his peanut butter,

444
00:15:54,864 --> 00:15:56,197
and he won't do anything about it.

445
00:15:56,299 --> 00:15:59,333
You want to stop it?
Try mixing in some laxatives.

446
00:15:59,402 --> 00:16:00,835
And then put an
"under construction" sign

447
00:16:00,937 --> 00:16:02,303
on the bathroom door.

448
00:16:02,371 --> 00:16:04,338
And if you really want
to ruin his day...

449
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,381
Okay, now, hold on, hold on.
Let me write these down.

450
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,476
- Alright.
- You call his wife...

451
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:11,745
Hey, the Wi-Fi's out.

452
00:16:14,116 --> 00:16:15,549
Huge bummer, man.

453
00:16:15,617 --> 00:16:18,185
I was just about to
finish writing my poem.

454
00:16:19,588 --> 00:16:22,923
You're a writer, too?
Well, knock me over with a feather.

455
00:16:22,991 --> 00:16:25,392
Blaine Lemarque, playwright.

456
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,694
Power used to go out all
the time in the bayou.

457
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,930
So crazy, I'm writing a movie

458
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,182
set in the bayou called "Swamp Cops."

459
00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:36,686
I'm in film school, but soon,
everyone's gonna know my name...

460
00:16:36,755 --> 00:16:38,351
Keith Fank!

461
00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:40,256
I couldn't help overhearing.

462
00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:43,444
I'm Rhonda Jamowitz,
gossip columnist for the local rag.

463
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:45,728
You'll never guess which
starlet was in here yesterday

464
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,598
with a new man and a newer nose.

465
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,735
I was hoping that the
play was gonna get better.

466
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,404
With maybe a little less Rhonda.

467
00:16:55,506 --> 00:16:57,872
I know I'm going on and on,

468
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,091
but for the first time
since Mother passed,

469
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,259
I don't feel alone.

470
00:17:01,361 --> 00:17:02,727
Brilliant.

471
00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:04,663
I don't miss the nudity at all.

472
00:17:04,731 --> 00:17:06,831
We're so worried about
staying connected,

473
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,134
ignoring the walls
that are being erected.

474
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,403
We let the information confound us,

475
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:14,506
when there's so much
love swirling around us,

476
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,174
that all we need to do is...

477
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,843
Wi-Fi's back on!

478
00:17:29,989 --> 00:17:32,123
I blame myself.

479
00:17:32,192 --> 00:17:33,524
"You got an A? Have a hat."

480
00:17:33,593 --> 00:17:35,793
"You skinned your knee? Have a hat."

481
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,162
Sorry for making you guys wait.

482
00:17:38,264 --> 00:17:39,664
It took me a little
longer than I thought

483
00:17:39,766 --> 00:17:41,032
to find my way back to Manny.

484
00:17:41,134 --> 00:17:42,400
Bravo, bravo!

485
00:17:42,502 --> 00:17:43,701
Another triumph, eh?

486
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:44,869
Thanks.

487
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,937
You know,
I really think I have something here.

488
00:17:46,956 --> 00:17:48,355
Maybe instead of going on that cruise,

489
00:17:48,424 --> 00:17:49,623
I should stay home and work on...

490
00:17:49,692 --> 00:17:51,358
You are going on that cruise!

491
00:17:51,961 --> 00:17:53,327
It's gonna be good for you.

492
00:17:53,396 --> 00:17:55,029
It's so important for your father.

493
00:17:55,097 --> 00:17:56,897
He planned a whole adventure!

494
00:17:56,966 --> 00:17:59,132
We'll drink tequila in Honduras.

495
00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:00,867
We'll swim with the dolphins in Bali.

496
00:18:00,936 --> 00:18:03,003
But when we travel
through the Panama Canal,

497
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:04,738
we'll be required to do
some light housekeeping.

498
00:18:04,806 --> 00:18:05,839
It's part of the deal.

499
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,508
Okay, then. I'll just go grab my stuff

500
00:18:08,577 --> 00:18:10,577
and take some selfies with my fan.

501
00:18:11,913 --> 00:18:13,480
Gloria, dime...

502
00:18:13,548 --> 00:18:15,749
why are you suddenly so
on board with this trip?

503
00:18:15,817 --> 00:18:17,617
I've sheltered him for too long.

504
00:18:17,986 --> 00:18:21,621
He needs something real
that he can write about.

505
00:18:21,690 --> 00:18:23,990
Take him to the seediest bars,

506
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,125
introduce him to con men.

507
00:18:26,194 --> 00:18:28,595
Let him taste danger.

508
00:18:28,663 --> 00:18:32,899
But not shrimp,
because it makes his eyelid feel funny.

509
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,100
No, señor!

510
00:18:35,169 --> 00:18:37,703
The cycle ends here!

511
00:18:40,612 --> 00:18:42,602
Really? You just sold me out for a job?

512
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:45,076
Honey, he wants a risk-taker.

513
00:18:45,146 --> 00:18:47,513
How's it going to look if
I squash your boys' trip?

514
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:50,482
Boys' trip?! We're leaving the planet!

515
00:18:50,584 --> 00:18:52,417
You know the scariest
part of a roller coaster?

516
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,552
It's a month of that!

517
00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:55,287
Dad, you don't want to go to space?

518
00:18:55,389 --> 00:18:57,322
No, I do. I-I just... I worry

519
00:18:57,424 --> 00:18:59,124
that it might be too
traumatic for you...

520
00:18:59,193 --> 00:19:00,692
Oh, no, it'll be fun to tell the kids

521
00:19:00,761 --> 00:19:02,127
their Pop-Pop is an astronaut.

522
00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:04,530
Pop-Pop might be the last sound I make.

523
00:19:04,632 --> 00:19:06,164
Claire, if it's not too much trouble,

524
00:19:06,233 --> 00:19:08,834
would you please, um,
pick out a family photo for me to clutch

525
00:19:08,903 --> 00:19:10,235
after my tether snaps

526
00:19:10,304 --> 00:19:12,604
and I tumble endlessly through the void?

527
00:19:12,656 --> 00:19:14,823
It is much more likely

528
00:19:14,891 --> 00:19:17,492
that you will just
incinerate upon re-entry.

529
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:18,760
You guys talking about space?

530
00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:21,963
Yeah. Um... look, buddy,

531
00:19:22,065 --> 00:19:24,632
I appreciate all this,
but I don't want to go.

532
00:19:25,203 --> 00:19:28,203
- What?
- I'm sorry. I'm just so scared.

533
00:19:28,271 --> 00:19:29,337
But y-you're my rock.

534
00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:31,339
I-I can't...
I can't do this without you.

535
00:19:31,408 --> 00:19:32,413
I'm your rock?

536
00:19:32,442 --> 00:19:35,310
What did I get us into?

537
00:19:35,412 --> 00:19:37,979
I didn't even want to go.

538
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:41,082
I just wanted to look
cool in front of Bezos

539
00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:44,318
and Elon and Zuck-Zuck.

540
00:19:44,387 --> 00:19:47,121
That's the reason why you're going?

541
00:19:47,123 --> 00:19:49,423
I'm sorry, but launching
white dudes into space

542
00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:50,691
hasn't been cool for years.

543
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,092
But the cameras.

544
00:19:52,161 --> 00:19:53,694
How am I going to get out of this?

545
00:19:53,796 --> 00:19:55,362
Well, if you're trying to look cool,

546
00:19:55,431 --> 00:19:56,964
just throw some splashy event

547
00:19:57,066 --> 00:19:58,665
and auction off the
space trip to charity.

548
00:19:58,768 --> 00:20:00,367
That could work.

549
00:20:00,436 --> 00:20:02,469
- What kind of charity?
- Wolves are hot right now.

550
00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:05,572
I love that.
I'm going to save the wolves!

551
00:20:05,674 --> 00:20:07,241
- We're saving them, right?
- Yeah.

552
00:20:07,309 --> 00:20:09,943
I like the way you
think outside the box.

553
00:20:10,046 --> 00:20:12,446
I may have a really interesting
job opportunity for you.

554
00:20:12,548 --> 00:20:14,548
Haley, we could be working together!

555
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,583
No, it's really just the one job.

556
00:20:16,685 --> 00:20:20,087
And, Phil,
while it's not a trip to space,

557
00:20:20,189 --> 00:20:23,457
I hope that the Phil
Dunphy Center for Wolves

558
00:20:23,559 --> 00:20:26,093
will be a fitting honor for
the man who changed my life.

559
00:20:26,195 --> 00:20:29,063
We'll have a big opening ceremony.

560
00:20:29,165 --> 00:20:30,499
You'll meet all the wolves!

561
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:32,675
Now let's go do this again
in front of the cameras!

562
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,872
I'm terrified of wolves!

563
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:42,393
Oh, good, you're here.

564
00:20:42,417 --> 00:20:45,351
Manny's about to model his
new cruise wear for me.

565
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:46,552
This should be good.

566
00:20:46,731 --> 00:20:48,805
Jay, don't make him self-conscious.

567
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,542
Promise you're going to be nice.

568
00:20:51,601 --> 00:20:52,968
Very smart.

569
00:20:52,993 --> 00:20:53,993
Thanks, Mom.

570
00:20:53,995 --> 00:20:55,561
Jay, what do you think?

571
00:20:56,708 --> 00:20:58,551
Hey, El Capitán Kangaroo.

572
00:20:58,576 --> 00:21:00,409
What are you, the Untalented Mr. Ripley?

573
00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:02,568
You should be directing
traffic in the Bahamas.

574
00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:03,669
Tennille called...

575
00:21:03,748 --> 00:21:05,081
D-Did I do that one yet?

576
00:21:05,106 --> 00:21:06,906
Anyway, she thinks you look like the kid

577
00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:09,531
in an '80s movie we're supposed to hate.

578
00:21:10,758 --> 00:21:11,844
You look amazing.

579
00:21:11,846 --> 00:21:15,635
Amazing-ly like the last Kennedy
picked in a touch football game.

580
00:21:15,660 --> 00:21:17,827
These are too good.
I gotta tell him.

581
00:21:17,852 --> 00:21:20,393
Manny, put the outfit back on!

582
00:21:20,695 --> 00:21:27,640
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