CREDITS
Shut up!
_
Get out.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Fuck you.
Hey!
***
What are you doing, you dick brain?
What are you, are you blind?
Are you drunk?
Hey!
Pighead!
Oi!
Fuck-features!
What?
I...
How old are you?
I'm 16 mate. It's none of your fucking business.
Where are your... your learner plates?
Where's yours?
- No, I'm forty-fucking... - Oh, if you got your learners
you might have been taught to check the fucking road before you pull out!
I d... I did, I checked the road and you weren't there, and then-then I...
Oh, fuck!
- Oh, fuck! - Oww!
- Oh, yeah. - Ow!
Is that...? Oh, fuck. I'll call... I'm gonna call a...
just stay there, I'll call the thing, the... ambo.
Fuck... um... bastard.
I've got no reception.
- Did you have reception? - I don't have a phone.
- Really? Why not? - Okay, can you fucking focus, fuckarse?
Yeah, um... all right, uh...
- Mildura is like 45 k's away, right? - How the shit would I know?
Mildura's, like, big. They'll have a hospital, or a medical
centre or something. You-you can drive because your car's fine.
- Ute. - What?
It's a ute. And you're gonna have to drive it, so try not to crash it.
Y... uh...
Uh... Fuck.
- Um... - Are you kidding me?
But it's my...
- piano. - And this is my arm, cockface.
We can just, um, take the trailer off and hook it to the ute.
- We can do that, right? - Yeah, you reckon?
- The axle's gone... genius. - Aah, fuck.
Fuck.
Okay. Okay, fine. Come on, we gotta go.
- Come on. I-I'll drive. - Fuck.
Stick it on the back!
Okay, stop!
This is not gonna work, it's way too high.
Oh, stop your whinging. Dig a hole.
Ta-daa!
What's your name?
Meg.
- That short for Megan, or...? - No, short for Steve.
What's yours?
Lucky.
It's Lachlan, but... always been Lucky.
Jesus.
- Are you right? - Who's Toby?
- No one, can I have it, please? - Oh what, is he your boyfriend?
- What does it say? - Are you on a plane?
Are you, Lachlan? Are you on a plane?
You should give your mum and dad a call and let...
- Don't you think you should give them a c... - No!
- I just think that y... - It's none of your business but, is it?
Fine, I don't actually give a shit, dude.
Dood... Dood...
Don't you fricking dare.
- Where are you taking it, anyway? - Perth.
Why?
I don't have a choice.
- What a pain in the arse. - Yeah, I wasn't expecting to have
a fucking car accident.
- I don't believe in accidents. - Oh, great, I'll tell the
- car hire company. - No, dickhead.
I believe in car accidents. I just don't believe in...
- accidents, as in... - Coincidences.
Coincidences, coincidences, yeah. Yeah, I don't believe in coincidences.
Everything happens for a reason.
- Ow! Be careful! - I can't help it, there are bumps.
Yeah, well you don't have to aim for them!
Can we turn this music... off... for... a minute. Please?
You have to have music when you're driving.
It just does my head in, please. I just need a break.
Five minutes, please?
Thank you.
It's just, like... too many things have to happen to make a thing happen.
You know?
If I'd have done one thing different today,
one tiny thing, like if I'd have brushed my teeth for longer,
then I wouldn't have been on the road at that specific point, would I?
And maybe you would've ran into somebody else and-and killed them or...
ran into a tree and been... crashed in a... a burning wreck,
and I wouldn't... have even known or given a shit.
Now, I have met this weird Chewbacca guy,
driving my ute and he's probably like a psycho murderer or something.
'Cause you pretty much have to be a psycho
to not want to listen to music when you're driving.
Wouldn't ya?
It's your turn.
The least you could do is distract me. Come on, talk.
- Or music. - Okay, okay.
- Have you heard of ELO? - Earlobe?
E.L.O. British fusion band from the 1970's, ELO?
- Oh, it doesn't matter. - No.
So, one of the founding members of ELO was Mike Edwards, right?
- A cellist. - What's a cellist?
- It's a person who plays the cello. - Right.
Anyway, one day Mike Edwards is driving along a road in Devon, in England.
And one of those huge hay bales rolls down a hill and lands on his car.
Kills him instantly. He didn't even know what hit him.
What are the chances, hey?
Well...
Devon is pretty hilly, so let's say,
one in ten of those hay bales sits on some kind of slope.
And maybe one in a thousand of them sometimes goes for a little roll.
And let's say maybe one in twenty of those slopes
leads to a road where a car goes past any given point
some number of times an hour.
And maybe one in every three or four thousand
of the drivers of those cars is an artist of some repute.
So, the chances that one day one of those hay bales
was gonna kill a moderately well known cellist is...
reasonably high.
Well... not high, but...
The thing is, when the numbers are big enough, which they are,
one in a million things happen all the time.
Nothing happens for a reason.
Or everything happens for no reason. One of those.
You are so boring.
How would you rate your pain out of 10, Meg?
- What's 10? - 10 means would be unbearable.
I don't know, 2 and a half? 2?
- 2? - 2... W-wouldn't 9 be like
your face is on fire or something?
So then 7 would be like, I don't know, having your knee shot off?
- And then 5 would be... - Okay. Are you left-handed?
- No, I'm both... - Great.
So you can fill this in and your dad can help.
- Yeah. - Oh. No, I'm not...
- Excuse me! - Um...
- I'm not actually her... - Yeah. Come on, dad!
Paul? No.
- Already opened it. - No!
- I'm gonna get going. - Your piano's on my ute.
Yeah, I know but I... I have to figure out how to get it off.
Shit.
- My soul hurts! - That's your liver, Paul.
- What's your last name? - Flynn.
- Flynn, okay. - Why?
Wh... no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing this.
- Yes. Yes, we are. - No, no.
- No, we can't... I'm not... - Yes, we do.
We can't lie on a government form.
It's not a government form, you fucking nerd.
- It's just a plain doctor's thing. - Meg?
- Why...? - Yeah? Coming!
- Come on, dad! - Meg!
- No. - Okay.
- You're not doing this. - You want them to know
that you had an accident, that was your fault and,
you left the scene, with a minor injured?
I didn't do anything. I drove you here and now I'm going
I'm actually in a serious hurry.
- I'll tell 'em you're a perv. - What?
- Yeah. I'll tell them you're an old perv. - What?
Sorry?
Um... we're just shocked by the acne statistics.
- That's... terrible. - It's terrible.
- It's a surprising figure. - Yes.
Okay. You can wait here.
- Meg. - You're my dad,
or you're a fucking pedo. Got it?
Love you, dad!
So how can the excess be half the value of the bloody car?
- Shit! - _
Right.
So in your world the word "comprehensive" means
literally it's own opposite.
When I... when I ticked the box "comprehensive" I was actually saying
"Please get me the insurance that's not comprehensive."
But... no, but that... you're lying.
That... that's... no, I'm not abusing you,
I'm just trying to articulate my frustration.
_
- Fuck! - All I want is a little respect.
- Why are you talking to me like I'm not... - All right.
- a human being now. - Paul, enough!
I built a house once!
Well, I thought I'd send you a video.
Because, I don't know, you might watch it.
Miracles happen.
Oh, do you like my beanie?
Barbara made it and, uh... took her two weeks,
so I'm never gonna hear the end of it.
- Oh, look, I'm the full Peter Garret... - Is that porn?
You watching porn in a hospital?
So inappropriate.
- What did the doctor say? - He thinks it's broken.
All that training...
The X-ray guy isn't here
so they can't do an X-ray, so they can't, like, set it.
But they gave me this, so...
- How long? - His daughter's in Wicked.
- What? - Yeah. X-ray guy's daughter's in Wicked,
which starts at 6 in Dimboola, so...
You can go.
Okay...
Don't worry, I told them I did it playing netball.
Why did you tell them that I'm your dad?
I don't know, they would've asked a whole lot of fucking boring questions.
This makes me feel really nice. You want some?
It's kind of like, it still hurts, but... you don't care.
Where's your real dad?
Pub.
If he's having a good day.
Okay.
Sorry about your...
Bye.
How are you gonna get your piano off my ute?
- I'll figure it out. - Then what?
I'll figure it out.
I'm going to Perth, too.
What?
- No, you're not. - Yeah, I am.
I'm gonna go stay at my mum for a bit.
Your mum lives in Perth?
Yeah, she works in the mines, in Kalgoorlie.
- Kalgoorlie's not Perth. - Pretty close.
- It's 600... - Anyway, I haven't seen her in
ages and she wants to, like, reconnect or whatever.
You can't drive to Kalgoorlie.
Why not?
Cos it's 3000 kilometers across a massive weird desert
and you've got a broken fricken thingie.
- Well, isn't that lucky? - How?
That the knobjockey that broke it is also going to Perth
- and can take me, so... - Aah?
- Yea. - No!
- No? - No, no, no, no, no. You... you're...
- you're a nightmare! - What?
I mean, apart from the fact that you're incredibly fricking annoying, you just
- threatened to tell people that I'm... - A PEDO?
Jesus Christ.
...maybe in two weeks or so. ...stay here for...
Nah.
Nah? Okay.
Nah.
See ya.
Whatever!
- Bye! - Bye-bye!
Hi, Jez.
I had a car... like a proper car accident...
No, I'm not asking for money...
I'm just trying to get back to Perth.
I... I mean, I am, but it would just be a loan for, like, five days.
No, I'll pay you back...
or a week.
No, Patty...
Two, two weeks.
Seriously.
No, no, I'm totally fine.
It was three years ago, Gemma.
Yep. No, no, no...
The hire car wiped out my bank account, when my car got... Mm-hmm.
I don't remember saying it, if I did. Okay.
Yeah, I know I still owe you money, but I just...
No, Steph...
It'll be, like, five days...
Patty!
Fuck.
Eclipse Mobile wishes to advise that you have insufficient credit
- to make the call. - Friggin... fuckshit.
- No 10s or 20s. 50 or 100. - But I've only got this.
Is there anywhere else that I can get phone credit?
Shouldn't think so.
For this muesli bar, please.
Barbara made it and, uh... took her two weeks,
so I'm never gonna hear the end of it.
Uh... Oh, look, I'm the full Peter Garrett under here.
but I'm feeling good though
Uhh, listen, love.
Been talking to the others, Lucky, and... you need to come home.
It's been eight years and, uh... enough's enough.
Everyone makes...
What have you got there?
It's a coffin.
No, that's a piano, eh?
- You play? - Not if I can help it.
I used to play the oboe.
Of all the fucking things.
The duck...
- Mate! - Aaah... what?
Um...
could I have some beers?
- Get your own beer. - Um... I've got...
16... 20.
You look after your little girl.
Next thing you know,
she'll be 28 and she'll be blaming you for a shit life.
And she'd be right, I suppose.
Sorry, they're a bit warm.
Cheers, mate.
Ugh.
- Mr. Flynn. - Yes?
Hi. Hi.
I just had a message from the radiologist.
He forgot he was on call tonight, so he's kind of gone and gotten drunk...
- at Wicked... - Oh.
- in Dimboola. - Yeah.
- Sorry. - Okay.
But we have got another one coming from Bendigo,
but she's probably at least a couple of hours away.
- I'm really sorry. - Okay, that's great.
I mean, that's terrible.
But it's good that someone's coming...
- Whe... where are you going? - I... I have...
I'm just keeping an eye on the stuff in my ute...
- Ah... Is that a piano? - Yeah, it's a piano.
- Aah? - Yeah.
- Do you play? - No.
I mean, not at night.
- Not at... in hospitals. - Yeah, no.
- No, I didn't... - Didn't mean here.
- Just meant in general. - Yeah.
- Do you... play? - No. Yes.
- No. Good. Okay. Night. - No. No. Good night. Thanks.
Choccie croissant?
- It's still warm. - Thanks.
Uh, yeah.
What's the diagnosis?
It's bad.
You're a cockwomble.
Fractured radius.
- Want me to sign it? - Piss off.
I'm like your... your hay bale, eh?
What?
You're like that... that... that earlobe guy,
and I'm your hay bale.
One in a million, baby.
By the way, you owe me 50 bucks.
CREDITS