1 00:00:00,558 --> 00:00:03,272 So, all this childhood memorabilia came to me 2 00:00:03,306 --> 00:00:04,605 after your mother died... 3 00:00:04,784 --> 00:00:07,752 diaries, photo albums, adorable drawings. 4 00:00:07,897 --> 00:00:09,764 So, enjoy your stroll down memory lane, 5 00:00:09,789 --> 00:00:11,756 but know that at the end of that lane 6 00:00:11,858 --> 00:00:13,906 - is a dumpster. - Okay. 7 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:14,937 You have a painting upstairs 8 00:00:14,962 --> 00:00:16,389 by William "The Refrigerator" Perry, 9 00:00:16,414 --> 00:00:18,296 but there's no room for my baby teeth? 10 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,120 I needed to free up some space in the garage. 11 00:00:21,145 --> 00:00:22,843 Because it's not a garage anymore. 12 00:00:22,868 --> 00:00:24,612 It's a warehouse full of dog beds 13 00:00:24,637 --> 00:00:26,154 that nobody wants to buy. 14 00:00:26,179 --> 00:00:27,498 It's been a slow period, 15 00:00:27,523 --> 00:00:29,421 but it should pick up next quarter. 16 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,399 What? 17 00:00:30,424 --> 00:00:33,117 When all the dogs get back their income tax refunds 18 00:00:33,142 --> 00:00:36,195 and they want to go splurge on beds for themselves? 19 00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:37,460 - Joe. - What? 20 00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:39,679 Help me drag some of these things out to my car. 21 00:00:39,704 --> 00:00:42,242 We're gonna do some old-fashioned marketing today. 22 00:00:42,321 --> 00:00:44,354 Oh, my God. The old Atari. 23 00:00:44,423 --> 00:00:46,189 Uh-huh. Remember why we got that? 24 00:00:46,258 --> 00:00:48,892 Yeah. So, we were on our first family vacation ever, okay... 25 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:50,360 - ...a week at this waterpark resort... - Mm-hmm. 26 00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:51,895 ...and Dad got bored after, what, 27 00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:53,329 - three days? - Three. 28 00:00:53,381 --> 00:00:54,414 Made us leave early, 29 00:00:54,416 --> 00:00:55,748 and he bought us off with this. 30 00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:57,338 Lies and untruths! 31 00:00:57,363 --> 00:00:58,395 We stayed the full week, 32 00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,968 and I got you two ingrates that game anyway. 33 00:01:00,993 --> 00:01:03,227 How long are you gonna stick to that story? 34 00:01:03,252 --> 00:01:04,953 Much as you two enjoy portraying me 35 00:01:04,978 --> 00:01:06,811 as some kind of abusive parent... 36 00:01:06,836 --> 00:01:07,902 - Whoa! Aah! - Oh! 37 00:01:08,246 --> 00:01:10,414 Relax, Joe. We'll get you out in a second. 38 00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:13,367 Okay, 35 years, and you... ugh, you still can't admit it. 39 00:01:13,392 --> 00:01:15,105 - There's nothing to admit. - I see light! 40 00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:16,429 Should I go towards it? 41 00:01:16,454 --> 00:01:18,099 Why would we both remember it one way 42 00:01:18,124 --> 00:01:19,490 if it didn't happen, Dad? 43 00:01:19,515 --> 00:01:20,944 Kids like to make things up. 44 00:01:20,969 --> 00:01:22,701 - Mm. - They like the drama. 45 00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:23,825 Come here, kid. 46 00:01:23,827 --> 00:01:26,228 I was literally about to gnaw my own arm off 47 00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:27,362 to get free. 48 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,420 With those things? 49 00:01:28,445 --> 00:01:30,312 I still have the tooth you lost in a marshmallow. 50 00:01:30,337 --> 00:01:32,031 Okay, so, that one you kept? 51 00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:44,218 credits 52 00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:48,183 I was in Florida visiting my Dad. 53 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,707 I'd gotten a call that he was wandering 54 00:01:49,732 --> 00:01:52,273 around the grocery store he used to run. 55 00:01:52,622 --> 00:01:53,932 I wanted to find out if he was okay, 56 00:01:53,957 --> 00:01:57,092 but... that's not something you can just ask. 57 00:01:58,237 --> 00:02:00,649 You know, your mother and I came here every Sunday 58 00:02:00,674 --> 00:02:02,084 for 44 years. 59 00:02:02,109 --> 00:02:03,442 You miss her, don't you? 60 00:02:03,467 --> 00:02:05,304 It comes and goes. 61 00:02:05,484 --> 00:02:07,570 - Fourth of July is rough. - Really? 62 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,320 I didn't realize she was so patriotic. 63 00:02:09,345 --> 00:02:12,217 Well, it's that hot dog eating contest they have on TV. 64 00:02:12,242 --> 00:02:14,242 You know, I always thought that your mother 65 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,367 could have been a competitive eater. 66 00:02:16,546 --> 00:02:18,767 No food ever expired in our house. 67 00:02:18,792 --> 00:02:20,592 She'd see that last day pop up 68 00:02:20,617 --> 00:02:22,984 on a pound of bacon or a gallon of milk, 69 00:02:23,086 --> 00:02:24,185 and down it went. 70 00:02:24,296 --> 00:02:25,762 It was personal for her. 71 00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:29,891 Speaking of food, y-you ever head over to your old grocery store? 72 00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,453 Hey, listen. Do you remember that? 73 00:02:32,796 --> 00:02:34,562 Oh, yeah. Penguinsquatch. 74 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,554 Put this town on the map. 75 00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:38,366 June 1977. 76 00:02:38,468 --> 00:02:40,869 Teen revelers report massive bird footprints 77 00:02:40,971 --> 00:02:42,214 emerging from Lake Okeechobee. 78 00:02:42,239 --> 00:02:43,505 A crowd gathers, 79 00:02:43,607 --> 00:02:46,251 but the new tide has covered the so-called bird prints, 80 00:02:46,276 --> 00:02:47,909 and the teens are beaten soundly. 81 00:02:48,011 --> 00:02:49,454 Tracks reappear several days later, 82 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,380 and once again, word spreads through town. 83 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:53,992 An ornithologist deems the prints 84 00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:57,051 those of a gigantic penguin, some 15 feet in height. 85 00:02:57,231 --> 00:02:58,930 People come from miles around 86 00:02:58,955 --> 00:03:01,089 to catch a glimpse of the wondrous waddler. 87 00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:03,124 The tracks will appear on and off for years 88 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,016 and then disappear forever, 89 00:03:05,195 --> 00:03:07,773 but not before Olympic gold medalist Mary Lou Retton 90 00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,941 makes the trek to place her tiny footprints 91 00:03:09,966 --> 00:03:13,001 inside those of the be-flippered colossus. 92 00:03:13,103 --> 00:03:15,303 Didn't we take a picnic over there a few nights? 93 00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:16,661 Everyone did. 94 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,841 It's the first time I ever saw your mother eat a bag of apples. 95 00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:25,613 So, Dad, I, uh, I w... I wanted to ask you... 96 00:03:25,715 --> 00:03:27,603 Oh, boy. No serious talk, okay? 97 00:03:27,628 --> 00:03:30,295 Yes, I'm taking all my million pills. 98 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,454 You can come over and press my stomach. 99 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,883 I'm starting to feel like a bean bag chair. 100 00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:38,609 Guys, I just saw a ghost. 101 00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:40,249 Okay, girls, grab your things. We're gone. 102 00:03:40,274 --> 00:03:41,859 N-Not a real ghost. 103 00:03:41,884 --> 00:03:43,726 More like a vision from my past. 104 00:03:43,854 --> 00:03:45,147 Brenda Feldman. 105 00:03:45,328 --> 00:03:48,079 An older girl that Manny had a crush on. 106 00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:52,173 He even wrote a poem for her when he was little. 107 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:53,675 I gave her my heart, 108 00:03:53,886 --> 00:03:56,853 she gave me a picture of me as an old-time sheriff. 109 00:03:58,802 --> 00:04:00,135 Today was my second chance, 110 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,494 but I couldn't even get up the nerve to say "hi." 111 00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:04,953 11-year-old Manny would be disgusted by me. 112 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,078 Well, now you know how 12-year-old Lily feels. 113 00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,691 Oh. Sorry, this is work. 114 00:04:09,770 --> 00:04:10,936 Hello? 115 00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:12,604 Manny, you know who this family's 116 00:04:12,629 --> 00:04:15,497 resident expert is in interpersonal problems? 117 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:16,821 I would say no one's especially... 118 00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:18,346 That's right. It's me. 119 00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:21,246 It took a little while, but I finally convinced Manny 120 00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:23,705 the reason he had failed last time with Brenda Feldman 121 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,125 was because of his grand gesture. 122 00:04:26,314 --> 00:04:28,968 Today called for a completely different approach... 123 00:04:29,309 --> 00:04:31,042 a super grand gesture. 124 00:04:31,348 --> 00:04:32,380 Just go to her, okay? 125 00:04:32,382 --> 00:04:33,948 Get in there! Let's go! Come on! 126 00:04:34,368 --> 00:04:36,317 Hyah! 127 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:39,358 Well, looks like my first house sale 128 00:04:39,383 --> 00:04:40,883 is going to fall through. 129 00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:42,534 Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. You know what? 130 00:04:42,559 --> 00:04:43,805 But things will turn around. 131 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:44,895 Do not turn around. 132 00:04:45,765 --> 00:04:47,305 Okay, that's Debra Knox. 133 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,751 She stole my Educator of the Year Award. 134 00:04:49,776 --> 00:04:51,009 - A swooper?! - A swooper! 135 00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:53,034 - Lily, grab your things. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 136 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:56,014 Not a smoke demon that terrorizes farm children. 137 00:04:56,039 --> 00:04:58,585 - Oh. - It's a person that takes things 138 00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:00,377 that are supposed to be yours. 139 00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,410 I have one of my own. 140 00:05:02,589 --> 00:05:06,057 I was closing a deal on my very first showing, 141 00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:08,716 and a rival agent swooped in. 142 00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:09,774 What a lovely home. 143 00:05:09,799 --> 00:05:11,663 I mean, maybe not great for kids, you know? 144 00:05:11,688 --> 00:05:13,454 Wait, what? But we're pregnant. 145 00:05:13,557 --> 00:05:15,557 Oh. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there. 146 00:05:15,659 --> 00:05:16,878 I was... Oh, my. 147 00:05:16,903 --> 00:05:19,037 Is that a California vulture wasp? 148 00:05:19,062 --> 00:05:21,320 A mountain lion must've made a fresh kill. 149 00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:26,000 So, the couple agreed to go to her open house later. 150 00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:28,079 ? Hey, there, Sue, I heard you got dumped ? 151 00:05:28,104 --> 00:05:29,904 ? And now you are blue ? 152 00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,773 ? So, how 'bout we go to the prom ? 153 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,664 ? If it's okay with my mom? ? 154 00:05:33,756 --> 00:05:37,466 I am so glad that Manny stopped doing those embarrassing things. 155 00:05:37,491 --> 00:05:40,140 Oh, come on. Who doesn't love a grand gesture? 156 00:05:41,460 --> 00:05:43,785 - Oh. - In front of my friends, Ronald?! 157 00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:46,331 I can't believe I ever let you do my homework! 158 00:05:46,356 --> 00:05:48,323 My g... Oh, gosh. Oh, no, no, Manny! 159 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,657 Manny, abort, abort, abort. 160 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:50,769 Abort! 161 00:05:50,794 --> 00:05:52,615 Back up! Back up! Back, back, back, back! 162 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,306 - Get going! Get going! - I'm going! 163 00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:55,530 Abort! 164 00:05:55,885 --> 00:05:57,685 Last week, I left some dog beds here, 165 00:05:57,718 --> 00:06:00,301 so now the owners are probably getting swamped with requests. 166 00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,492 The other day, I found out 167 00:06:01,517 --> 00:06:03,875 that Joe saved up six months of allowance 168 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:06,134 and donated it all to charity. 169 00:06:06,353 --> 00:06:08,312 It's one of those rare moments as a dad 170 00:06:08,337 --> 00:06:10,904 when you realize you've really dropped the ball. 171 00:06:11,188 --> 00:06:14,223 I mean, the kid needed to learn the basics of business. 172 00:06:15,009 --> 00:06:16,556 Ooh, can I get that dog? 173 00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:18,453 I'll do 50 hours of chores. 174 00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:19,708 - No, a hundred. - Whoa. 175 00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,276 Sales lesson number one... 176 00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:23,602 never look desperate in a negotiation. 177 00:06:23,627 --> 00:06:26,160 No emotion. Think of your cousin Lily. 178 00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,365 Hey, I noticed the dog beds moved. 179 00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:30,052 They must be pretty popular, huh? 180 00:06:30,077 --> 00:06:32,544 Um, the dogs didn't like them. 181 00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:33,943 What? These are dogs nobody wants. 182 00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:35,365 I mean, what do they have going on? 183 00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:37,315 Don't worry. The cats love them. 184 00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:39,029 Cats? Never. I'm taking them home. 185 00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:41,319 I mean, cat in a pineapple? How does that even make sense? 186 00:06:41,445 --> 00:06:43,593 Maybe... they're from Meow-i? 187 00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,014 Get it? 'Cause Hawaii? 188 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,898 - Get in the car. - Okay. 189 00:06:50,114 --> 00:06:52,535 This Atari has quite a dent in it. 190 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,060 - Didn't... Didn't you throw it at me? - No. 191 00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:56,961 Then... Then explain this groove in my head, 'cause... 192 00:06:56,986 --> 00:06:58,968 Yeah, I can... I can fit them together like a puzzle. 193 00:06:58,993 --> 00:07:01,554 Mitchell, you fell down the stairs sleepwalking. 194 00:07:01,579 --> 00:07:03,246 - It's established family history. - Oh. 195 00:07:03,271 --> 00:07:05,326 Unwilling to admit a mistake. 196 00:07:05,351 --> 00:07:07,048 Wonder where you picked that up from. 197 00:07:07,073 --> 00:07:08,272 Look, it drives me nuts, too, 198 00:07:08,297 --> 00:07:09,684 that Dad never cops to his mistakes, 199 00:07:09,709 --> 00:07:11,242 but it's always gonna be our word against his. 200 00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:12,268 - Yeah. - Why did you cut 201 00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,934 the necks out of all these sweatshirts? 202 00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:16,169 Oh, I was a big "Flashdance" fan. 203 00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:18,338 How you survived the golden age of bullying, 204 00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:19,693 I will never understand. 205 00:07:19,718 --> 00:07:20,784 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 206 00:07:20,809 --> 00:07:22,762 We are sitting on a treasure trove of evidence 207 00:07:22,787 --> 00:07:25,655 than could prove Dad cut our vacation short, okay? 208 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,814 I mean, you realize that building cases 209 00:07:27,883 --> 00:07:30,150 against society's worst criminals is what I do. 210 00:07:30,218 --> 00:07:31,751 How's that case against the deaf old lady 211 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:34,354 who sells bacon-wrapped hot dogs outside Laker games going? 212 00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:36,515 She was warned three times. 213 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:39,826 Okay, how do we prove that Dad made us come home early? 214 00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,438 I mean, uh, what was that place we went even called? 215 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,231 Hold on. I just saw a matchbook from there, and... 216 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,722 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here it is, here it is. 217 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,345 "Handelman Waterpark. Celebrating 25 years." 218 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,881 - Ooh. I can get on this CSI train. - So... Yes. 219 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:56,529 Okay, "Founded in 1958," so that puts us there in '83. 220 00:07:56,554 --> 00:07:57,987 '83, '83. 221 00:07:58,012 --> 00:08:00,223 Locating my diary from '83. 222 00:08:00,248 --> 00:08:02,548 - Okay. - And okay. Here it is. 223 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,217 April 20th. "I think JT likes me. 224 00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,773 Makes fun of my head dent." 225 00:08:06,798 --> 00:08:08,931 - So, that's... - Alright, so it had to have been before that, 226 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,533 because we didn't have the video game yet, 227 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,291 and that's what made the d... the... the... 228 00:08:12,595 --> 00:08:13,661 I interrupted. 229 00:08:13,906 --> 00:08:15,838 So, we were there early April, 230 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,209 and, uh, no diary entries from then. 231 00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:22,078 Okay. Okay. But maybe this might help. 232 00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:23,735 - Look at... Aww. - Aww. 233 00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:24,752 Here... Here it is. 234 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,562 - "Day One at Handelman." - Whoa. 235 00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:27,853 Okay. Here we go. 236 00:08:29,826 --> 00:08:31,960 A mariachi band? 237 00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:35,389 If you want the Brenda girl, talk to her like you don't care, 238 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,853 - and then don't call her for a week. - Oh, oh, what? 239 00:08:37,878 --> 00:08:39,511 And present himself as some brooding mystery man 240 00:08:39,536 --> 00:08:42,303 whose dad-like approval she has to work for? 241 00:08:42,372 --> 00:08:45,073 What woman has ever found that attractive? 242 00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:47,041 I'll try it. 243 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,243 Oh, great. There's Debra again. 244 00:08:49,268 --> 00:08:50,601 Probably down there flaunting 245 00:08:50,626 --> 00:08:52,590 her $30 gift card she got with my award. 246 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,136 - It's my award. - Is it go time? 247 00:08:54,161 --> 00:08:55,627 Yeah, you know what? Maybe I will. 248 00:08:55,652 --> 00:08:56,751 I'll just march right up to her, 249 00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:59,053 and give her the classic Tucker stare down. 250 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,655 A dirty look. That's your big plan? 251 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,973 Yeah, she'll see in my eyes 252 00:09:02,998 --> 00:09:04,197 that I know exactly what she did, 253 00:09:04,222 --> 00:09:06,520 and trust me, all the free sample 254 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:08,255 of perfume spritzes in this mall 255 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,881 won't be able to cover up the stench of guilt on her. 256 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,183 Well, I just made a nice little connection. 257 00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:14,995 Not with Brenda, who barely noticed me, 258 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,854 but with Ronald, who invited me to Panda Express 259 00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,355 so we could eat our feelings. 260 00:09:18,847 --> 00:09:19,856 Manny? 261 00:09:19,902 --> 00:09:21,368 Um, you took off 262 00:09:21,393 --> 00:09:23,226 before I could give you my number. 263 00:09:23,251 --> 00:09:25,718 And maybe I could get yours, too? 264 00:09:25,743 --> 00:09:27,209 - Sure. - Yeah? 265 00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:30,700 Do you need my advice with your problem now? 266 00:09:30,725 --> 00:09:32,125 Whatever. 267 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,215 See, you should point this thing west 268 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,740 and, uh, come meet your great-grandbabies. 269 00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:39,592 Uh, this spring, I think. 270 00:09:39,617 --> 00:09:43,119 I want to pose them to re-create famous photos from history. 271 00:09:43,144 --> 00:09:46,979 I've got all the outfits, uh, to re-create the VJ-Day kiss, 272 00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:48,551 but I still need the fedora 273 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,587 to pull off Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald. 274 00:09:50,612 --> 00:09:52,703 - Careful. - Well, obviously, the gun won't be loaded. 275 00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:54,106 No, no, no. There's a pothole. 276 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,591 - Oh. - Oh, geez. 277 00:09:55,818 --> 00:09:57,184 I bet we blew a tire. 278 00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:59,546 Fortunately, one local inventor 279 00:09:59,571 --> 00:10:02,398 has been hard at work on the Presto-Jack TM, 280 00:10:02,423 --> 00:10:05,226 a pneumatic device that both lifts a car 281 00:10:05,251 --> 00:10:07,196 and powers a drill to change lug nuts. 282 00:10:07,221 --> 00:10:09,171 - I don't suppose... - Yep. 283 00:10:09,196 --> 00:10:10,756 - In the trunk. - Yes! 284 00:10:10,825 --> 00:10:12,658 We can finally test it out! 285 00:10:12,804 --> 00:10:13,903 You ready to launch? 286 00:10:13,990 --> 00:10:15,546 Let's do it. 287 00:10:17,198 --> 00:10:21,400 Steady as she goes, and she's up! 288 00:10:21,602 --> 00:10:23,702 It's working! You did it! 289 00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:25,904 It's... Why is it still going? 290 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:28,540 - How hard did you press start? - Well, that shouldn't matter! 291 00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:30,932 - Well, just press "end task." - Okay. 292 00:10:31,045 --> 00:10:32,420 But only on the right side of the button. 293 00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,813 Why wouldn't you tell me that first?! 294 00:10:34,915 --> 00:10:36,682 Sweet maker! 295 00:10:38,819 --> 00:10:39,885 Hmm. 296 00:10:40,437 --> 00:10:42,320 Everybody warned me this would happen. 297 00:10:47,143 --> 00:10:48,242 Hello, Debra. 298 00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:50,160 Oh. Hi, Cam. 299 00:10:50,185 --> 00:10:51,217 You wish. 300 00:10:51,242 --> 00:10:53,469 I know you'll deny it, but these eyes... 301 00:10:53,494 --> 00:10:54,893 can see right through you. 302 00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:57,919 You mean how I stole the Educator of the Year Award? 303 00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,724 Aha! I got you to admit it. 304 00:10:59,749 --> 00:11:01,315 It's a good thing I'm wearing a wire. 305 00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,274 - Let me see it. - Damn it. 306 00:11:03,515 --> 00:11:06,454 I'm gonna be the belle of the ball in this dress. 307 00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:08,187 Stealing this award has given me the confidence 308 00:11:08,214 --> 00:11:10,514 to crush everyone in my path. 309 00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:14,151 Permiso. 310 00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:18,889 I never even saw Gloria go into the dressing room, 311 00:11:18,958 --> 00:11:20,490 but there she was, like a superhero, 312 00:11:20,515 --> 00:11:23,828 able to destroy confidence in a single pose. 313 00:11:24,745 --> 00:11:26,920 I'm glad I didn't go with the first dress. 314 00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:28,031 They'll take one look at this one 315 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:29,666 and make me principal. 316 00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:31,034 Ay-yi-yi. 317 00:11:31,136 --> 00:11:32,970 - Aw, come on! - You know what? 318 00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:35,265 Maybe you should try the dress on that lady's wearing. 319 00:11:37,941 --> 00:11:39,730 Oh, my God. That was brilliant and humbling. 320 00:11:39,755 --> 00:11:42,707 You know, I-I pride myself on solving people problems. 321 00:11:42,732 --> 00:11:43,988 You know what? You still have the swooper. 322 00:11:44,013 --> 00:11:45,879 - Maybe I could... - No, thanks. 323 00:11:47,252 --> 00:11:49,350 She just can't accept help, but I can. 324 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,670 I'm thinking about rocking this for my date with Brenda. 325 00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:52,564 Ignore the buttons. 326 00:11:52,589 --> 00:11:53,755 Can you tell this is a woman's coat? 327 00:11:54,175 --> 00:11:55,274 Yes. 328 00:11:55,343 --> 00:11:58,429 Sales lesson number two... create demand. 329 00:11:58,609 --> 00:12:01,243 Leave a few dog beds lying around, dogs fall in love, 330 00:12:01,383 --> 00:12:03,320 your phones start ringing off the hook. 331 00:12:03,993 --> 00:12:05,785 Go ahead. Over there. Go. 332 00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:08,671 Wow. My dog really likes this bed. 333 00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:11,484 I wonder if leaving it here will create demand. 334 00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:13,554 Uh, no, thank you. 335 00:12:13,956 --> 00:12:14,988 Alright, good start. 336 00:12:15,013 --> 00:12:16,466 You could've been a little cuter with that. 337 00:12:16,491 --> 00:12:18,424 - What?! - When did you start saying "really likes"? 338 00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:19,649 What happened to "weawwy wikes"? 339 00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:22,441 You paid a speech therapist to shame it out of me. 340 00:12:24,552 --> 00:12:25,565 Still no cell service. 341 00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,576 Let's, uh, let's just hitchhike to the barber 342 00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:29,601 and call a tow company from there. 343 00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:31,794 You can't let anything go! 344 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:34,353 You slept with my sister while I was pregnant. 345 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,477 Not the hot one! 346 00:12:35,502 --> 00:12:36,796 I swear to God... I swear to God, 347 00:12:36,821 --> 00:12:38,617 we are going through with this wedding so that I can kill you, 348 00:12:38,642 --> 00:12:40,342 and then I'm gonna divorce your corpse! 349 00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:42,267 Well, you seem like a nice couple. 350 00:12:42,292 --> 00:12:43,835 Room for two more in there? 351 00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,460 My dad's positive attitude 352 00:12:45,485 --> 00:12:48,420 versus a couple bound for a "Dateline" episode? 353 00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:51,052 It wasn't even a fair fight. 354 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:54,516 ? Sweet Caroline ? 355 00:12:54,618 --> 00:12:55,851 ? Bup-bup-buh ? 356 00:12:57,982 --> 00:13:02,975 Alright. Final lesson... always be willing to walk away. 357 00:13:03,044 --> 00:13:04,053 Hey, Ron. 358 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,778 I'm coming to you first 'cause we're old friends. 359 00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,213 - It's Lon. - Yeah. Hey, listen. 360 00:13:07,315 --> 00:13:08,814 It's a steep price on this one, 361 00:13:08,839 --> 00:13:09,979 but don't blame me. 362 00:13:10,048 --> 00:13:12,528 I'm pocketing less than the kids that, you know, made this thing. 363 00:13:12,553 --> 00:13:14,520 The Beagle Has Landed. 364 00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:16,198 Sorry, Jay, none of these are selling. 365 00:13:16,223 --> 00:13:17,556 Even the ones that look like hot cakes? 366 00:13:19,604 --> 00:13:21,537 Maybe a puppy will cheer you up. 367 00:13:21,562 --> 00:13:23,129 I told you, not gonna happen. 368 00:13:23,337 --> 00:13:24,403 You're giving up? 369 00:13:24,682 --> 00:13:26,348 I can't give these things away. 370 00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:28,116 Forget everything I taught you today. 371 00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:30,359 I don't know what I'm talking about. 372 00:13:31,132 --> 00:13:33,566 Hey, mister, my dad was about to give you 373 00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:34,823 the deal of a lifetime... 374 00:13:35,392 --> 00:13:38,093 100 dog beds for a hundred bucks, 375 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,161 so you can give one away with each new dog. 376 00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:41,763 A hundred bucks, huh? 377 00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:44,132 I can see you're not serious. 378 00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,931 Slow down that tail, buddy. 379 00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:47,710 This is leaving with me. 380 00:13:48,687 --> 00:13:51,109 Wait, wait. Don't walk away. 381 00:13:51,241 --> 00:13:52,407 Would you do 50 bucks? 382 00:13:52,663 --> 00:13:54,054 Will you throw in a puppy? 383 00:13:56,112 --> 00:13:58,212 I've had two late-in-life projects. 384 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,576 One, dog beds, was a bust. 385 00:14:00,601 --> 00:14:01,845 The other... 386 00:14:02,617 --> 00:14:04,986 ...is looking pretty promising. 387 00:14:05,131 --> 00:14:06,397 Alright, okay. 388 00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:08,076 So, Handelman closed in '99, 389 00:14:08,101 --> 00:14:10,401 so no guest registry to tell us when we checked out. 390 00:14:10,426 --> 00:14:12,492 Rental car companies are a dead end, 391 00:14:12,595 --> 00:14:14,161 and no credit card receipts. 392 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,486 God, Mitchell, it might be time for us to face some facts. 393 00:14:16,511 --> 00:14:18,075 What? That some people very high up 394 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,234 don't want us to know the truth? 395 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:23,013 No. That we might have to let Dad skate on this one. 396 00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:24,430 Never. 397 00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,706 Go easy on those bubble-gum cigarettes, Mitchell. 398 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:27,774 They're gonna kill you. 399 00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:30,176 Look, we tried, right? 400 00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:33,847 I bought a pack of these 401 00:14:33,949 --> 00:14:35,548 the last night we were at that resort 402 00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:36,928 so I could try to look cool 403 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:39,648 at some... concert that we went to. 404 00:14:39,673 --> 00:14:41,454 Hang on. Where was it? I... 405 00:14:41,516 --> 00:14:44,350 Oh-ho. Bingo. What do you see, huh? 406 00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:46,996 Uh... um, me at the park in a hat 407 00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:49,155 with the name "Maddox" embroidered on it. 408 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,214 Oh, oh, I forgot about my Maddox Pritchett phase. 409 00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:52,826 God, it is a miracle that you didn't need 410 00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,673 a police escort to school every day. 411 00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,185 Not you, the marquee. 412 00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:59,288 - Uh, "Tonight and Wednesday Only... The Monkees." - Yes! 413 00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:00,906 And according to their website, 414 00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:02,675 they played the 14th and the 16th. 415 00:15:02,743 --> 00:15:04,243 So, if we went the first night, 416 00:15:04,312 --> 00:15:06,745 that means we would have left the 15th, 417 00:15:06,770 --> 00:15:09,692 and we would have left early. 418 00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:10,783 Okay, wait just a second. 419 00:15:10,852 --> 00:15:12,017 I-I remember I was so upset... 420 00:15:12,086 --> 00:15:13,352 - Yes. - ...that our vacation was being cut short 421 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,873 that I cheered myself up 422 00:15:14,898 --> 00:15:16,965 by going to the premiere of "Flashdance," 423 00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:18,210 which was on... 424 00:15:18,235 --> 00:15:19,768 Ha! April 15th. 425 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,860 Yea... What is up with you and that movie? 426 00:15:21,929 --> 00:15:23,462 She was so much more than a welder, 427 00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,230 and I was so much more than the president 428 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,165 of Students Against TV on Weeknights. 429 00:15:27,184 --> 00:15:28,616 Okay, I know you remember it this way, 430 00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:30,407 but how are we gonna prove it? 431 00:15:30,432 --> 00:15:31,465 Bam! 432 00:15:31,874 --> 00:15:33,921 My ticket, clearly marked "Opening Night." 433 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,423 I'm gonna say "bam" again. 434 00:15:35,425 --> 00:15:36,234 - Bam! - Oh! 435 00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:37,392 I can't believe it. 436 00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:39,037 We might actually see Dad 437 00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:40,928 - admit that he was wrong! - Ah! 438 00:15:40,997 --> 00:15:42,129 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 439 00:15:42,198 --> 00:15:44,309 - Do you think he'll cry? No. - Oof. 440 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,667 Claire, don't do that. Just take the victory. 441 00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:48,400 I mean, why... why was he in such a rush 442 00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:49,658 to get home, you know? 443 00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:52,951 To... To meet his buds at O'Brien's Pub? 444 00:15:52,976 --> 00:15:54,075 I don't know. It's just... 445 00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:55,830 Well, that is a little weird, though. 446 00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,588 It says, "To Jay Pritchett, 447 00:15:57,613 --> 00:15:59,199 the greatest bartender in the universe. 448 00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:00,958 - Dean Martin. May 1, 1983." - Oh. 449 00:16:00,983 --> 00:16:03,317 Since when was Dad a bartender? 450 00:16:03,386 --> 00:16:06,053 Wait, and this is right after our trip. 451 00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,025 I'm calling work wife. 452 00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:09,209 Hello? 453 00:16:09,258 --> 00:16:10,457 Hey, Margaret, really quick... 454 00:16:10,526 --> 00:16:12,607 Was Dad ever a bartender? 455 00:16:12,632 --> 00:16:14,037 Gosh, who knows? 456 00:16:14,062 --> 00:16:16,430 I wouldn't trust this memory of mine anyway, 457 00:16:16,498 --> 00:16:17,554 and... 458 00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:19,166 This is a bad connec... 459 00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:20,500 - Margaret. - You know... 460 00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,955 ...that's what a bad connection stopped sounding like 461 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,946 when phones stopped having antennas. 462 00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:25,154 Fine. 463 00:16:25,173 --> 00:16:26,806 Early days of the business, 464 00:16:26,831 --> 00:16:28,185 we couldn't make payroll. 465 00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:29,495 He had to come back from a trip 466 00:16:29,511 --> 00:16:31,978 to pay everyone out of his own pocket. 467 00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:34,571 Took the night job to make ends meet. 468 00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:36,182 Why wouldn't he have told us? 469 00:16:36,207 --> 00:16:37,973 Probably didn't want to worry anyone. 470 00:16:38,086 --> 00:16:41,320 Anyway, back to the wall, he did some of his best work. 471 00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:43,889 Came up with a best-selling closet. 472 00:16:43,914 --> 00:16:46,648 "Introducing the Maddox." 473 00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:52,497 And around this corner is the entertainer's kitchen. 474 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,493 What are you doing here? 475 00:16:53,501 --> 00:16:57,002 Oh, I just came through the un-secure back door. 476 00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:59,238 Hello, again. 477 00:16:59,306 --> 00:17:01,106 Hi. We're still interested in your house. 478 00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:03,375 We just might be leaning towards this one. 479 00:17:03,444 --> 00:17:05,110 Oh, I'm very surprised. 480 00:17:05,212 --> 00:17:07,846 People that like cooking so much... 481 00:17:07,848 --> 00:17:09,414 Are you guys going to be happy 482 00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:12,250 with this tiny, little pantry... 483 00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,570 that leads to a gigantic pantry? 484 00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:16,421 Are you ready to see the interactive nursery? 485 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:17,766 The baby just kicked! 486 00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,290 - Oh. - Hey. 487 00:17:19,445 --> 00:17:22,079 We... Are... Are you all about to be my new neighbor? 488 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,562 Hope you like to party. My name's Fred. 489 00:17:24,598 --> 00:17:27,520 They call me Peeper because... Well, that doesn't matter. 490 00:17:27,545 --> 00:17:29,725 Oh, you... look, it's chocolate chip cookies! 491 00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:30,802 Kids, get in here! 492 00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:32,694 Get yourself some supper! 493 00:17:33,707 --> 00:17:35,181 These are my blessings. 494 00:17:35,216 --> 00:17:37,844 Do I like ethnic women? Guilty. 495 00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:40,180 Do you like farm-fresh eggs? 496 00:17:40,205 --> 00:17:44,852 I sold my very first house and destroyed my swooper. 497 00:17:44,877 --> 00:17:47,023 Of course, the only way you can destroy a real swooper 498 00:17:47,048 --> 00:17:49,449 is to stab its reflection during the Harvest Moon. 499 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,822 Enjoy Poland, you two! 500 00:17:51,847 --> 00:17:54,347 Hey, Frank. Afraid I was about to close up. 501 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:56,527 - Betsy's birthday. - Okay, we'll come back, Don. 502 00:17:56,595 --> 00:17:58,762 Well, h-hang on. I'm... I'm pretty nifty with the shears. 503 00:17:58,831 --> 00:18:00,197 I used to... I used to cut Luke's hair, 504 00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:01,632 and I once trimmed a hedge in our yard 505 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,401 into the spitting image of Doug Henning. 506 00:18:04,503 --> 00:18:05,512 Sold. 507 00:18:05,571 --> 00:18:07,414 - Just lock her up. - Thank you very much. 508 00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:09,706 Hop on up there, young man. 509 00:18:11,239 --> 00:18:13,720 If I'm not mistaken, you saw your first naked lady 510 00:18:13,745 --> 00:18:15,391 - in this barbershop. - You know it. 511 00:18:16,648 --> 00:18:18,848 Hell of a crossing guard, but when she went crazy, 512 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:20,150 she didn't go halfway. 513 00:18:20,218 --> 00:18:21,817 Well, that was her training. 514 00:18:22,787 --> 00:18:25,133 So, Dad, um... 515 00:18:26,555 --> 00:18:28,235 just gonna get this over with. 516 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,164 - Uh... - Oh, boy. 517 00:18:29,189 --> 00:18:31,538 Is this gonna be about me going back to the grocery store? 518 00:18:31,563 --> 00:18:33,997 Well, it... it just seemed a little weird. 519 00:18:34,465 --> 00:18:35,965 I heard you were there for hours. 520 00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,300 The place was a mess. 521 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,559 I mean, where is the pride? 522 00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:42,227 Old days, they used to deliver my oranges on Tuesdays. 523 00:18:42,252 --> 00:18:44,217 I could not have built a pyramid faster 524 00:18:44,242 --> 00:18:46,586 with 10,000 Hebrews. 525 00:18:46,611 --> 00:18:48,545 So, you weren't just wandering? 526 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,592 It's just... I miss it, is all. 527 00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:53,549 This takes me to my next question. 528 00:18:55,631 --> 00:18:56,952 Um... did you and Mom ever... 529 00:18:57,364 --> 00:18:59,798 ever want a-a-another child? 530 00:18:59,823 --> 00:19:01,290 Well, I suppose all parents wonder 531 00:19:01,315 --> 00:19:03,646 how things would have changed if they had a different child. 532 00:19:03,671 --> 00:19:05,204 I-I didn't... didn't mean a different one. 533 00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,631 I-I mean an additional one. 534 00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:09,231 Why do you ask? 535 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,566 Well, 'cause if you'd had another kid, 536 00:19:11,635 --> 00:19:13,435 maybe... maybe he'd have taken over the business 537 00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:14,803 and... and you wouldn't have had to sell. 538 00:19:14,872 --> 00:19:16,071 I always... 539 00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:18,607 I always felt kind of bad that I didn't. 540 00:19:19,628 --> 00:19:22,477 The answer is no, Phil. Never. 541 00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:24,249 Because... 542 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,864 Well, you did take over the family business, didn't you? 543 00:19:26,889 --> 00:19:30,694 Keeping life light, making it fun for everybody. 544 00:19:32,766 --> 00:19:34,225 I learned from the best. 545 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,409 When I was growing up, he was the cool dad. 546 00:19:38,434 --> 00:19:39,567 He was hip. 547 00:19:39,592 --> 00:19:41,406 He knew all the dances from "Grease." 548 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,863 He knew all the expressions. 549 00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:44,832 BFF... best friends forever. 550 00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,377 TMI... too much information. 551 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:47,768 BJ... blue jeans. 552 00:19:47,837 --> 00:19:49,881 It makes me feel lucky. 553 00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:52,540 We didn't do much that day, but... 554 00:19:53,042 --> 00:19:54,742 it might have been one of the... the best days 555 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:56,434 I ever had with my dad. 556 00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:00,047 I just didn't know it would be the last. 557 00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,516 My dad was okay. 558 00:20:02,585 --> 00:20:06,954 And my takeaway from our day... 559 00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:11,125 Don't miss a chance to let the people you appreciate... 560 00:20:11,845 --> 00:20:13,339 know that. 561 00:20:14,084 --> 00:20:15,450 The hard part has been, um, 562 00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,979 figuring out a way to pay tribute to my dad, 563 00:20:18,004 --> 00:20:21,005 but something came to me in the garage today. 564 00:20:27,212 --> 00:20:28,918 I think he would have liked it. 565 00:20:41,095 --> 00:20:43,387 He left some big footprints, my old man. 566 00:20:46,216 --> 00:20:48,883 - Look, they're getting along great. - That's not our worry. 567 00:20:48,908 --> 00:20:50,341 Your mother is. 568 00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:52,961 Eight years, she ignored Stella, gave her a complex. 569 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,287 One time, I was clicking a pen. 570 00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:57,923 Stella threw up 'cause she thought high heels were coming. 571 00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,024 Hola! 572 00:21:01,195 --> 00:21:02,261 What is this? 573 00:21:02,908 --> 00:21:04,372 He's the grownup. 574 00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:05,964 Honey, we know how you feel about... 575 00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:09,701 It's the cutest thing I've seen in my whole life! 576 00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:12,791 I love you! Oh, my God! 577 00:21:12,831 --> 00:21:15,128 I need a selfie with my best little boy! 578 00:21:15,153 --> 00:21:16,221 I'll be back! 579 00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:17,958 It's not your fault. 580 00:21:19,517 --> 00:21:21,862 It is not your fault. 581 00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:27,578 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com