People say you're only as sick as your secrets.
And hospitals are full of secrets.
Some are harmless, but others...
Whispered in the wrong ear,
well, they can be fatal.
- Whoa! - Whoo!
Did you just run up five flights of stairs?
Oh, God, you did that for fun!
You're one of those people.
Heard you'll be back in OB-GYN today,
I guess you're doing something right.
Alright, listen up! There are actual people dying
and I don't have time to spoon-feed any of you.
Assignments: Wolf, Pediatrics; Ashley,
Grace start at the St. Mary's fundraiser;
- LeBron James, OB-GYN. - Football.
Don't care. These should be your assignments,
but one of you is getting a treat. Sinead needs an assistant.
So... sorry.
Stupid subway. Am I right?
Congratulations! You just volunteered.
Those are your postings.
Do not screw them up. Do not hurt your patients.
Do not disappoint me.
Guys, what did I volunteer for?
- Do you know? - I'll be gone
- 20 minutes max. - 30 if you bring back canapés.
Aw, lunch is for spenders.
I hate leaving the persons who actually need help to go
- fluff donors. - Rich people need help too.
Must be paying for being constipated with cash.
Glory to us, we'll never know.
Code brown, north elevator. Code brown, north elevator.
Oh, Red! I need you to transfer
the patient in 36 for a marrow biopsy.
I hope you don't need it in the next hour.
I gotta flip a bed in Oncology,
I gotta sponge the whole Recovery, and then there's the...
code brown in the north elevator.
PSW to emerg.
- PSW to emerg. - Go stay in the ER.
The other units will just have to pick up
the slack as usual.
I'm not hiding. I... It is just
the first time all week I've had the chance to drink coffee
while it's still hot and no one's dying.
Okay, I'm hiding.
Aww, must be hard being ER's most eligible bachelor.
Only when women my mom's age pinch my butt.
Hi, Mrs. Stevens.
Oh, it looks like your butt's up, chump.
I see a big cardboard cheque up there just waiting for you.
Give me a gushing chest wound
any day.
Oh, hi! I'm sorry to bother you.
I'm trying to find some water.
Oh yeah, I can go grab you a bottle.
That's so helpful, thank you.
What?
Good morning! Good morning!
I'm Maki Yamato, and I am thrilled
to announce that the auction for Hope and Mercy
by my husband Tomo Yamato
has raised $300,000 for St. Mary's.
It's been difficult times for all downtown hospitals...
cutbacks, amalgamation rumours...
but Tomo and I believe so much in the work being done here
that we decided to match that donation.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
- This is silly. - I just forgot to eat,
I was a little lightheaded.
Well, we'd be bad hosts if we didn't at least feed you
and check for a concussion.
Any other symptoms? Weakness? Dizziness?
Well, I've been tired, but who hasn't?
- Between work and my son... - Oh, how old is your son?
- Uh, 7. - I'll send your blood
for a full workup, but your fatigue could be from anemia.
Let's have a listen to your lungs. Do you mind?
- Yeah. - Ahem.
- Lost any weight recently? - Oh yes, but it's just
- the stress of Tomo's new show. - Another deep breath for me.
Oh, the logistics, my stomach's been in knots.
In knots or pain?
Pain, I guess, but it's like bad cramps.
We should check your abdomen. Do you mind lying down for me?
We're gonna take this up.
- So, when's the new show? - A month.
Tomo still hasn't finished his pieces.
Lucky jerk gets to be the flaky artist
while I have to manage worried sponsors.
Maki, I'm feeling a lump here.-
- What does that mean? - I'm not sure,
but I'd like an ultrasound to find out.
I can take you to Radiology.
And do you want me to call your husband for you?
No. Tomo still has to finish his pieces.
He's procrastinated on the show enough already.
Are you okay?
It's all over Twitter that you collapsed.
See? Anything to avoid painting.
- Well... - I'm fine.
For the last time,
I'm not sick, I am just dying.
And I can walk. My lungs are toast, not my legs.
Gabby, you were coughing,
you know it's easier when you get that way.
Hi, I'm Wolf.
- Pediatrics sent me down. - Hi. Jorge.
We called Dr. Gilmore's office, but he's away,
- so they said to come here. - And who's this?
Not expected to make it past 20.
Gabriella, she has cystic fibrosis.
She was doing better until a couple of weeks ago,
and then she dropped a bunch of weight.
Well, that's not CF, that's just high school.
I'm worried she has another infection.
- Okay, we'll have a look. - This is dumb.
I can just get my weight back up
- after the school trip. - Gabby, we can't risk an infection.
She's top of a transplant list. She needs to stay healthy
to be ready for when lungs become available!
Hey, I'm fine!
Oh, uh,
looks like Freddie Mercury disagrees. You have a fever.
So how are we doing, Becky?
Getting pregame nerves?
Nope. My husband's the nervous one. I'm excited.
This endometriosis is so bad
I'd pay someone to just rip it out.
Well, I'm sure Dr. Banks
will be a little more considerate than that.
- Colby! - Trent?!
- Dude, are you serious, man? - Whoaaa!
- How are you doing, man? - It's good.
- How are you doing, brother? - What, you're a doctor now?!
- I'm a nurse. - A nurse?
Baby, you know who this is? Mustangs' three time MVP.
- We all thought he'd go pro. - This is the guy you married?
I think you could have done a lot better.
Whatever, man, you're just jealous.
I hate to break up this huddle,
but I think I have a patient in here.
Hi, Becky, how are you feeling?
- Ready to get this over with. - I bet.
I'll cauterize as much of the tissue as I can.
And that will help when we want to get pregnant too, right?
I don't see any recent vitals in here.
- Just getting into that. - Please.
The anesthetist isn't expecting Becky until... five minutes ago.
I'll see you guys soon.
So you're like really not a doctor, huh?
- What do you need, Mr. Woods? - I really need to, uh,
go, you know, but I don't think I can make it.
- Let me grab a bedside commode. - Wait, it's a...
Is there an old nurse or something?
I really don't want to do that in front of someone
- whose number I want to ask for. - Please. If that bothered me,
I wouldn't have gotten into this job.
So, uh, I can get that number then?
Ha-ha! Let's deal with this other number first.
Okay.
Oh! I guess I didn't have to go.
Mr. Woods...
All this cleaned up, please.
We're short PSWs today.
Sorry.
And just for you, Becky, I'm gonna grab one of the good stretchers
and then get you prepped for anesthesia.
- Are those Becky Green's vitals? - Yeah.
Take good care of this one, Doc, she's a friend.
I treat all my patients like they are.
Huh, she's been waiting for this surgery a long time,
I hope she can finally get some relief.
Man! I went to college with that guy.
- Mm-hmm. - And now he's married
and talking about starting a family.
Do you ever feel like somehow
the people around you suddenly became adults overnight?
Not really because I am an adult.
Wow! I can't even keep
unexpired milk in the fridge for my Fruity Pops.
Which are very high in fibre.
Why don't you get Becky up to the OR, I'm gonna start scrubbing in.
Oh, and I usually like Candy Crisps myself.
Is that right?
I need a clean cup, Wool.
Yeah, you got it. And it's Wolf.
Where is the ice?
And I want a butterscotch pudding from the cafeteria.
Hey, you know, we're gonna get you all fixed up in time
- for those new lungs, right? - Did I say "pudding"?
I meant vegan meal and a chocolate bar.
Can you just clinch your fist
for me? Thank you.
Ouch! Hmm...
Your veins are pretty hard to find.
Give it here, you've blown it twice.
You missed the vein,
everybody gets two tries.
Sit tight, Keith.
Ashley, if I wanted your help,
I would have asked for it. This isn't my first IV.
Oh, that's right, I forgot. You were a big OR nurse at the General.
- What does that have to do with this? - I was just trying to help.
Okay, well, don't.
You know what? You want to do that IV? Knock yourself out.
Maki's ultrasound results are ready anyways.
You know, if you side eye any harder,
they're just gonna spin the whole way around.
Huh? What? Ashley, I was just, you know...
The, uh...
Ash, you're the kindest, most loyalest person I know,
- but when you don't like someone... - Look, I do not have
to be nice to her just because she's your new bestie.
Are you jealous? Come on, you know I'll always love you first.
- Come, hugs. - No, no. You are so lucky
it isn't possible to give someone a wedgie in scrubs.
Come on. Grace is smart,
and she knows stuff. This is not her first rodeo.
You know who else knows stuff? My friend who works
at the General. Yeah, I had drinks with her last night,
and guess what? Your new BFF Grace got fired.
I guess everyone's favourite
saint isn't so perfect after all, huh?
There's a mass
in your bowel. It's bleeding. That's why you passed
out earlier. You're anemic.
Now, the ultrasound indicates that the mass is operable,
but I am worried about those cramps you've been having.
It could mean it's obstructing your bowel.
There's an opening in surgery, I'd like to get it out today.
- Then I guess I'm having surgery. - I'll let Dr. Ramjet know,
get things started.
Thanks.
Are we sure about this? Shouldn't we get a second opinion?
Grace? What do you think?
Well, I can't tell you what to do,
but if it were me, I would have it out.
- But is it safe? - Tomo's second job is worrying.
It's laparoscopic, which is good. Less invasive,
faster recovery. I used to work in the OR.
Basically, we'll make a couple small incisions,
insert a tiny camera, make its way to your bowel,
and then we'll remove the mass.
Barring any complications,
it's actually a pretty straightforward procedure.
I would feel so much more comfortable
if you came into the surgery with me.
Would you, please?
But I'm not an OR nurse anymore.
And I'm not a lab technician yet here we are.
I haven't been in the OR in over a year.
This hospital wouldn't survive without donors,
and my paper cut is still bleeding from the giant cheque
the Yamatos just gave us.
If she wants you in the OR, you go in the OR.
Did you know you needed to special order vegan meals?
Takes like half an hour.
You're okay?
Just waiting for a text.
Supposed to go into surgery with my patient.
Wait. No, you should eat.
You might not get another chance today.
Thanks, Wolf, but I'm... okay.
I've got 30 minutes to kill
if there's anything you want to talk about.
They're actually ready for me.
You're the new surg nurse?
I'm just filling in. You're the resident?
We don't have time to train one-offs in here.
Dr. Ramjet is very particular about his OR.
You need to wash under your nails
and between the fingers for two minutes.
I usually do three. I used to work in the OR.
Not Ramjet's. He's the best at St. M's.
There's a waiting list to work with him.
I'll do my best to keep up.
Hey, Camilla, I've got an emergency
abdominal aortic aneurysm,
but I'll get back here as soon as I can.
So you go ahead and start,
I think you're ready. Mobilize everything
and I'll be in by the time you're ready to resect.
You got it, Doctor.
You heard him, let's go.
Abdomen is inflated. I'll take the camera now.
Camera is inserted.
Are you ready for incisions for the 5mm trocars, Dr. Rossi?
Yes, yes. The trocars.
Blade, please.
After the small trocars,
are you ready for the grasper and hook to be inserted?
Yes.
Still pop in to visit Coach every once in a while.
All he ever wants to talk about is you.
Still brings up that pick you made against the Yeomen.
"Hands like those should have played it all".
- Hahahaha! - Hey, you know what though?
I thought you got it the worst against Queens.
Remember that game? Your legs
cleared that other guy's head, dude.
- Cleared my head. - Yeah, you still walked away
with a championship MVP though.
I don't know why you didn't come back for the senior year,
could have had a hell of a season.
I wanted to focus on school. Can't play football forever.
Oh! Ah!
Hands like that, you could have.
Whatever just happened here better not have.
You had the sauce, man!
Come here, man.
That Queens' game, that insane tackle...
... I walked away, the other guy didn't.
He doesn't walk at all anymore.
Spinal cord injury.
Damn. I didn't... I didn't know.
That was the angle.
Hit him just right to fracture a C5 vertebrae.
It was just a routine play for me,
but changed his life forever.
That's not your fault, man. You know that, right?
I quit football because I wanted to be a nurse.
I don't want to hurt people anymore; I want to help 'em.
Dr. Banks needs me.
Was it... Is it about Becky or... ?
Okay.
Oh, looking good so far.
I think we're, uh... we're ready to remove the mass.
- Good job, Camilla! - Thank you.
You kept up well.
I learned from some skilled residents.
That colon is wonderfully immobilized.
Let's get this sucker out.
Didn't I send you to the ER today?
Naz paged me, said this was urgent.
I told you to mop up the vomit in room 14,
why was Red doing it?
Oh, uh... I needed to find Dr. Geller.
After Chris's ankle surgery, Geller put him
- on the Broxine and morphine. - It's standard protocol.
Except Chris has a family history of ulcers.
Those two drugs together were too hard on his stomach.
Which would have made him puke his guts out.
Geller must have missed it.
I stopped the anti-inflammatory
and just followed up to get him on proton-pump inhibitors.
Good catch! That could have ended
in a bleed or perforation, but in the future,
you need to do what I tell you
and leave the PSWs where I tell them to be.
Oh! And, Naz,
Code Brown Bandit struck again. 12A needs a bed change sharpish.
I brought her things from home
but she won't come out of the bathroom.
I could take care of that for you.
You know, every time
I drag this thing in here, I'm hoping it will be the last,
but this damned thing never goes off.
It's been almost a year in, and...
You should go grab something to eat,
give Gabby time to cool off.
Thanks.
Why are you going through my stuff?!
Dude, are you smoking? You could get kicked off the transplant list!
Like that matters.
Pretty sure a fresh pair of lungs isn't coming
any time soon.
Here, here.
Don't forget, Dr. Rossi,
you've told me to remind you to take a look around
- once we were finished. - Yes.
Why don't I know you? Are you new?
- You don't seem new. - I used to work
- in the OR at the General. - Under Dr. Hamilton?
Oh, that explains it. Hell of a surgeon!
I've been trying to get him to come over here to train
some of our people. And we were lucky to have you with us.
Oh, I'm only in the OR for today. I'm just filling in.
That's a shame.
Okay, all staples in.
Now, let's take a look at the liver.
Damnit! Look at the right hepatic vein,
section 7 of 8.
Are those metastatic deposits?
Yeah. Close her up. There's nothing more we can do here.
We removed the primary mass
in your abdomen, but there were unexpected secondaries in the liver.
The cancer is stage 4.
Oncologists can recommend
chemotherapy or radiation treatments;
it'll slow the growth for a period of time.
I'm so sorry, Ms. Yamato.-
Hal...
Hal is still so young.
What will he do without me?
_
- Cutie pants Aiden is 17 - Dude!
- and Aquarius and lives in Ottawa. - Privacy!
So, is that a site for kids with CF?
You weren't going on a school trip; you were gonna visit some guy!
Hey, he's not just "some guy".
Look, I'm all for teenage rebellion, but that's a bad idea.
CF patients, they shouldn't intermingle.
You guys can cross-infect each other with a super bug.
- You could literally kill him. - He's the only person
who knows what I'm going through right now.
I mean, we can't be together because CF freaking blows,
and now I can't even talk to him
because the Wi-Fi in this stupid hospital's crap!
Okay, look, I know you feel alone right now...
I am alone!
All my parents care about
is when that stupid pager will go off.
Guess what. It's not gonna freaking happen.
I have an idea.
Let's go boogie.
Let me go get Tomo for you. We can discuss
- what's next together. - I know what's next.
My father died of lung cancer.
- I'm sorry. - It was awful.
My family, we...
we watched him suffer through so much.
Doctors make a lot of promises about
buying time, but the time they buy is miserable.
I won't put my son through that.
I don't want him to have to see...
I know how hard this is,
but I can help you have the conversation.
You can't tell him.
- About your wishes? - About the cancer.
As far as he needs to know,
I had a benign mass removed and I'm going home tomorrow.
Maki, you're... you're gonna need his support.
No. If he... if he knows,
he'll want me to get every treatment possible.
He can't understand what that does to someone.
Look, I just...
I want to make the most of my...
... of my last few months at home with my family. Okay?
- Okay. - Thank you.
Thanks.
Best Wi-Fi in the hospital.
You can hang out here, talk to Aiden.
- Thanks. - Yeah. I'll be back soon
with your next dose of antibiotics.
Say hi to cutie pants for me, okay?
You look like you could use this.
Hmmm...
It's cold.
It was hot before I got paged
to deal with a kid who shoved half a box of crayons
up her brother's nose.
Wow! That is ambitious.
I have something better.
Kid last year had out most of a remote up there.
TV remote pow!
I saw the surgical report
- on Maki Yamato's chart. - Yeah.
She doesn't want treatment.
And I get it, I totally do.
You know, a lot of people don't like working in the ER.
It's too hectic, too risky, but me,
I like how simple it is.
No matter who or what comes through that door,
I have one job: just keep them alive.
Yeah.
Feels weird not to do that.
Doctors and nurses practice different medicine.
I can stitch them up,
send them off to surgery, even... restart their heart...
... but once they make the choice to refuse those options...
... my work for the patient is done.
Yeah, but mine isn't.
Thanks for this.
I should go check on Maki, finish my charting.
Oh, hey.
Why are there
discharge orders written for Maki Yamato for tomorrow?
She just had a colon resection and has stage 4 cancer.
She's refusing treatment. She wants to die at home.
But she doesn't know for sure that she will.
Nobody can be sure, not even the doctors.
- If she had treatment... - It's not what she wants.
Okay. Wouldn't be my choice.
Also, she doesn't want her family to know about the cancer.
Oh, you're serious?
Official story is she's spending the night
after having a benign mass removed
- and she's leaving tomorrow. - So, she wants us to lie for her?
She's worried about how her husband will react
to her decision not to do treatment.
He's supposed to leave here thinking that
she is fine when she's dying?
Legally, we cannot tell him anything she doesn't want us to.
Hey, man, where you been at? What did the doctor say?
Becky's fallopian tubes are badly scarred.
They shrink when that happens, that's why no one caught it
on the ultrasounds before the surgery.
So, what does that mean for Becky?
Dr. Banks is gonna try to save them...
... but if she can't...
Becky really wants kids, you know?
She wanted to try a year ago, and I convinced her to wait.
You can't think about the what ifs, man.
I'm scared, Colby.
- How do I do this? - I don't know.
I gave up on my dream,
gave up on everything 'cause I was afraid.
But you gotta figure it out, man...
... because you gotta be there for Becky.
Romeo and Juliet...
Oh, hey, hi. I would like to call...
I'd like to call code yellow. I have a missing patient.
- I'll be back. - Attention, code yellow.
Attention, code yellow. Attention, code yellow.
Hi. I just looked in on Maki, and she looks really tired.
Yeah, she's had a really big day. She just needs to rest.
I did some research online;
- did they biopsy the mass in her bowel? - Who's this?
This is our son, Hal.
Hi!
How long will we have to wait for the results?
It's a good question.
When do you think the pathology will be in on that, Grace?
You know, Tomo, no news is good news.
- But what about... - I know you have
a lot of questions right now,
but your wife just needs you to be there for her tonight.
You guys can do that, right,
and just be there?
Of course. Anything Maki needs.
You do not get to tell someone else's secret.
Oh, come on, I wasn't going to.
Someone should tell him, it's cruel to lie.
We don't get to make that decision, Ashley;
people keep secrets for a reason.
Like when they don't want everyone to know
they almost killed someone at their last job?
I heard you left sponges in a patient after surgery.
Whatever you think you know,
whatever you think that I am,
you're wrong.
She can't have gone far.
Thanks, guys.
Okay, so obviously, a code yellow is not good,
- right, but in my defence... - This one is just a formality.
Correct? Because you know exactly where your patient is.
Correct? Because you are an attentive nurse.
You would never leave a sick girl alone
long enough to try something as stupid as running way.
Correct? And you will have her sick butt back in that bed
before her parents even notice she's gone. Correct?
- Definitely. Tot... tot... Correct, yeah. - Get off my face!
Something's wrong with that boy.
Red! What are you doing here?
- Naz paged me. - Again?
Every shift I've been changing her beds,
bathing her patients, shaving them.
I thought you knew.
Thank you, Red. You can stop now.
Okay.
Are you leaving?
Nope, I'm just taking a quick walk around
the loading bay, the laundry room and the roof...
Oh, dear, no!
The code yellow was yours? Who did you lose?
Yeah, I'm looking for a teenage girl
with a raging lung infection who's a danger
to herself and the boy she's secretly dating.
Hey, Wolf. We're just going upstairs to see Gabby.
- How are you doing? - Hopefully, she's had
enough time to cool down and talk to us.
I'm, uh, glad to see you guys. I was just looking for you.
Uh...
Gabby, she's really, really upset.
She forgot her iPad, and it works better on hospital Wi-Fi.
Yeah, you know, um, Wi-Fi has actually been proven
- to soothe any teenagers. - That's a really great idea.
Thank you!
- You're welcome! - You did nothing.
This is your mess, and you're gonna clean it up
if I have to watch you do it! Go on then, get to it!
You think changing a bed or cleaning up puke is beneath you?
This is nursing, this is what we do.
When the patient is sick or scared, we reassure them
that someone sees them, lets them know
they are more than their illness.
I'm not ashamed to make a bed, I'm ashamed of me.
When I grew up in India,
my family is wealthy, like crazy wealthy,
we had servants for everything.
I never... learned to make a bed or to do laundry
or change anything other than myself.
I charmed my classmates into doing that stuff
for me in school, and I got Red to do it now
because... I never learned how.
I want to be a good nurse,
but now that you know my secret, I'm obviously fired, so...
Or...
... we could just fix the problem?
Get those sheets, wipes.
Corners are key,
but there's a trick.
Wow!
Hmm... those lines,
interesting use of negative space,
and do I sense an impressionistic influence?
You've really captured the...
The Sistine Chapel. We're going to see it this summer.
Mom and Dad met there, and they gotta have gelato.
I didn't expect this to hurt so much...
... but the surgery got rid of the endometriosis.
I'll take it.
Hey,
there were complications.
Is the surgery gonna get rid of the scarring?
Your fallopian tubes are really scarred.
They had to... they had to remove them.
Does that... mean I can't get pregnant?
I came in for pain, and now I can't
- have a baby?! - You still have both ovaries.
- Doctors can retrieve your eggs. - I'm sorry,
but you're talking about IVF.
- We can't afford that. - Hey, let's not worry
about that right now, okay? Okay.
Don't worry about that.
Okay, great.
Thanks.
The sitter will drop Hal off at school tomorrow,
so I can pick you up first thing. I'm gonna
pop out now to grab you something decent to eat.
Hospital food will make you sick.
What about you? Want me to bring you something back?
Oh, no, I'm good. I'm all full
on tiny sandwiches from the luncheon.
So, Tomo seems really on top of things.
He can be strong tonight because he knows
I'll be home tomorrow, and he won't have to paint.
He may be able to handle more than you think.
- Maybe if you just told him the truth... - Don't.
I know you think you're helping, but you're not.
Before today,
I hadn't been in the OR
in over a year. Last time was a routine surgery,
but I made a mistake, a big one.
And I had a choice:
I could either keep quiet and protect myself
or I could tell somebody.
It's the scariest thing that I ever did,
but it saved the patient's life.
- And I got fired. - Do you regret it?
Not for a second.
Having those hard conversations matters, Maki.
What if this is all my fault?
I knew something was wrong, but I...
I didn't do anything about it because I was...
I was so afraid that what happened to my dad was happening to me.
So I ignored it.
I thought it would go away.
Maybe if I'd gotten help
- sooner, it... - No.
Something bad happened to you.
That isn't your fault.
But what if it is?
How may I look at my family and tell them that?
None of that matters.
The only thing that matters
is what you do now.
Gabby, don't!
Wonderful.
Is this the part where you give me a pep talk about how life
- is precious or something? - Nope.
This is the part where I tell you to stop being such a selfish dick.
Can you even say dick to a minor?
You want in medical terms? You're risking the life
of the guy you say you love, plus your own.
That is a dick move. I get it, you're sick and you're pissed,
but that doesn't mean you get to pull whatever
- bullshit stunt you like! - Screw this,
I'm walking.
I have leukemia.
I was 12.
Spent the next six years in and out of hospital
watching kids around me die, knowing that I could be next.
And you know, I have to still take these pills to prevent
reoccurrence. They're expensive, they're not covered.
The "Oh God, how will I pay my rent" pills.
I have to order them off these dodgy websites just to swing 'em.
How are you not super pissed?
I could be...
but no one wants to spend time with an asshole, Gabby...
... no matter how sick you are.
Get your act together...
... and be ready when this goes off.
The mass that they removed from my bowel...
... was cancerous.
Why? Why are we only hearing this now?
We're not.
I'm...
not.
I... I...
Maki has bowel cancer,
and it's spread to her liver.
There are certain treatments that we can do
to prolong the remainder of her time,
but those treatments can be
uncomfortable and invasive.
Maki doesn't wish to move forward
with any of those treatments.
- Oh! - Ohhh!
- Hey! - I'll leave. I was just, uh...
It was the only quiet place while the gym's being renovated.
Right...
Today, Becky's surgery.
I know, it, um... it didn't go as well as expected.
In school, they teach you about risk. You think you know
everything can change in a second,
but you don't. Not really. Not until it happens.
How do you do it?
How are you not afraid all the time?
You are.
You're afraid so much
it becomes a part of the air you breathe.
You feel it,
and then you push through anyway
for your patients.
I've got a consult waiting in my office for like 15 minutes,
so I gotta... tchk-tchk.
You're only as sick as your secrets.
They can isolate you...
... or leave you paralyzed.
If you're not careful, secrets can become
your entire identity.
But you only have to be brave enough
to tell one person, and then
- it isn't a secret anymore. - Hey!
I'm only going to say this once: I don't owe you an explanation,
but I want you to leave me alone.
So you want to know why I miscounted the sponges and got fired?
I really don't care.
Because there was a hand down my pants while I was doing it.
Dr. Hamilton,
chief of surgery, just couldn't keep 'em to himself
no matter how hard I tried to avoid him.
Especially in the OR where I couldn't get away.
So yeah, I miscounted.
- Grace... - Don't!
It happened, and there's no point in reporting it
because he's a big deal surgeon and I'm just a nurse.
I've moved on, and this will never come up again.
Got it?
I was just gonna say I'm sorry.
I don't want your sympathy, I just want you off my ass.
Watch an all new Nurses, next Monday on Global.