1 00:00:04,414 --> 00:00:06,248 I got a few days left! 2 00:00:46,438 --> 00:00:47,747 D'oh! 3 00:01:00,136 --> 00:01:01,677 Haw-haw! 4 00:01:16,614 --> 00:01:18,114 Hey, little lady. 5 00:01:18,115 --> 00:01:20,593 You'd be a lot prettier if you smiled. 6 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:22,336 What? Who are you? 7 00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:25,121 I'm a man. So I know what I'm talking about. 8 00:01:25,122 --> 00:01:27,933 Smile and you'll be a lot more popular. 9 00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:31,253 Are you serious? You know I'll remember this forever, right? 10 00:01:31,254 --> 00:01:33,755 Well, that's what therapy's for. 11 00:01:33,756 --> 00:01:37,276 And he told me I wouldn't be pretty unless I smiled. 12 00:01:37,277 --> 00:01:39,778 Sweetie, you are very pretty. 13 00:01:39,779 --> 00:01:42,189 And thanks to the puberty app on my phone, 14 00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:43,865 we can see what lies ahead. 15 00:01:53,701 --> 00:01:55,769 Wait. This can't be real. 16 00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:57,279 I already had braces. 17 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,782 Oh. Well, I-I'm afraid you have to get them again. 18 00:02:00,783 --> 00:02:03,159 The man we thought was your orthodontist 19 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,221 was actually a rogue periodontist. 20 00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:09,124 Rogue periodontist. 21 00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:11,310 This family cheaps out on everything. 22 00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:14,462 Homer took me to a "psychiatrist". 23 00:02:14,463 --> 00:02:18,300 After three sessions, I figured out it was a goat with glasses. 24 00:02:18,301 --> 00:02:20,068 Never went back. 25 00:02:21,971 --> 00:02:24,180 Braces? Again? 26 00:02:24,181 --> 00:02:27,659 Why am I the only one in this family who needs braces? 27 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,202 Don't look so smug, boy. 28 00:02:35,203 --> 00:02:36,584 Let's try this app on you. 29 00:02:38,154 --> 00:02:40,822 Hello, Aaron Eckhart. 30 00:02:40,823 --> 00:02:43,175 Whoa-ho! Puberty! 31 00:02:43,176 --> 00:02:44,634 Let's see what comes next. 32 00:02:45,512 --> 00:02:46,828 - Cool. - _ 33 00:02:46,829 --> 00:02:49,848 Homie, look. We got this in the mail today. 34 00:02:49,849 --> 00:02:51,207 - Aw, what is it? - _ 35 00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:53,043 Did I get drunk and buy useless stuff 36 00:02:53,044 --> 00:02:54,353 on eBay again? 37 00:02:54,354 --> 00:02:56,145 - Let's get more. - _ 38 00:02:57,932 --> 00:02:59,507 Hello, Simpsons. 39 00:02:59,508 --> 00:03:01,527 It's me, Artie Ziff, 40 00:03:01,528 --> 00:03:04,054 in prerecorded form. 41 00:03:04,055 --> 00:03:06,148 So you can't talk to me. 42 00:03:06,149 --> 00:03:07,182 I can't? 43 00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:08,850 No, you can't. 44 00:03:08,851 --> 00:03:11,019 Pause for laughs. 45 00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:12,354 And thank you. 46 00:03:12,355 --> 00:03:14,022 Artie Ziff? Isn't that the rich guy 47 00:03:14,023 --> 00:03:15,616 who could have been our dad? 48 00:03:15,617 --> 00:03:18,670 I am the only man your mother has ever been with, 49 00:03:18,671 --> 00:03:20,921 and she doesn't have a single regret. 50 00:03:20,922 --> 00:03:22,881 - Well... - You stay out of this, Marge! 51 00:03:22,882 --> 00:03:25,909 Great news: I'm getting married, and you're invited! 52 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:29,204 - Oh. - Why, you ask, am I getting married? 53 00:03:29,205 --> 00:03:32,057 I've found my soul mate! 54 00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:34,635 Jealous? 55 00:03:34,636 --> 00:03:36,876 April 12th, very rich man's wedding. 56 00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:37,971 Regrets only. 57 00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:39,231 Chicken or fish. 58 00:03:39,232 --> 00:03:40,882 Or vegan. 59 00:03:40,883 --> 00:03:42,217 Bye! 60 00:03:42,218 --> 00:03:43,569 So, what else is in the mail? 61 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:46,429 We got a flyer from Lowe's! 62 00:03:46,430 --> 00:03:48,890 Three-quarter plywood. 63 00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:50,651 $20 a sheet! 64 00:03:50,652 --> 00:03:52,394 I'm a-comin'! 65 00:03:52,395 --> 00:03:54,747 Oh, I don't have a car. 66 00:03:54,748 --> 00:03:57,235 You're not really thinking of going, are you? 67 00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,082 That jerk kept trying to break us up. 68 00:03:59,083 --> 00:04:02,329 Now, I am sensing conflicted feelings. 69 00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:06,074 If you come, I promise you a wonderful time. 70 00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:08,243 Champagne, caviar, 71 00:04:08,244 --> 00:04:10,929 deep-fried ice sculptures, a guy who guesses your weight, 72 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,265 who always guesses low! 73 00:04:15,268 --> 00:04:16,626 Thank you. 74 00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:19,438 And now to celebrate, here's Tupac Shakur! 75 00:04:19,439 --> 00:04:21,089 ? Don't be tardy ? 76 00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:23,442 ? My boy Artie is throwing a party ? 77 00:04:23,443 --> 00:04:25,519 ? This wedding's gonna be fly ? 78 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,929 ? Why won't you people let me die? ? 79 00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:29,690 How do you turn this off? 80 00:04:29,691 --> 00:04:32,161 There's no off to the Artie show. 81 00:04:32,162 --> 00:04:34,929 - I decide when... - Please set me free. 82 00:04:34,930 --> 00:04:36,104 Oh, here it is. 83 00:04:36,105 --> 00:04:37,770 God bless you. 84 00:04:37,771 --> 00:04:39,071 _ 85 00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:47,040 Now everyone's favorite: rinse and spit. 86 00:04:48,451 --> 00:04:51,534 And I'm done... with the top braces. 87 00:04:51,535 --> 00:04:53,046 We'll put the bottoms in next week. 88 00:04:53,047 --> 00:04:56,624 And after that, just a lifetime of wearing retainers. 89 00:04:56,625 --> 00:04:58,460 Well, they're practically invisible. 90 00:04:58,461 --> 00:05:00,837 I can't close my mouth. 91 00:05:00,838 --> 00:05:03,423 The brackets are holding up your lips at the edges. 92 00:05:03,424 --> 00:05:05,828 They'll adjust. The main thing is you're happy. 93 00:05:05,829 --> 00:05:07,436 I'm not happy. 94 00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,154 Have a little nitrous. 95 00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:13,900 Oh, they should revoke your license. Ha! 96 00:05:13,901 --> 00:05:14,901 More, please. 97 00:05:14,902 --> 00:05:16,829 - That's enough. - No, it's not! 98 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:18,521 Yeah, give me that. 99 00:05:18,522 --> 00:05:21,342 I thought your name is "Kidzrule". 100 00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:23,502 Shortened from "Kidzrulovitch", 101 00:05:23,503 --> 00:05:26,696 which is Romanian for "kill all the children". 102 00:05:26,697 --> 00:05:29,082 _ 103 00:05:35,515 --> 00:05:36,831 Hmm. 104 00:05:36,832 --> 00:05:39,542 That elevator has the capacity for 32 people! 105 00:05:39,543 --> 00:05:42,378 We brought a rhino up here last week. 106 00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:44,380 - Hmm. - _ 107 00:05:44,381 --> 00:05:46,341 Hmm. 108 00:05:46,342 --> 00:05:48,818 - Hmm! - My headaches are so bad. 109 00:05:55,684 --> 00:05:57,410 Jealous? 110 00:06:00,631 --> 00:06:01,707 Feet. 111 00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:03,566 You're one in a million. 112 00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:05,452 Literally. Don't fall off the roof. 113 00:06:05,453 --> 00:06:07,045 Homer Simpson! 114 00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:10,031 The man who beat me to planet Marge. 115 00:06:10,032 --> 00:06:12,033 You've done all right for a billionaire. 116 00:06:12,034 --> 00:06:13,868 Hey, I'm not made of money. 117 00:06:13,869 --> 00:06:15,578 Although, actually I am. 118 00:06:15,579 --> 00:06:17,464 After my parole, I got rich 119 00:06:17,465 --> 00:06:19,966 selling fireplace logs that look like cash, 120 00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:22,509 i.e., Money to Burn. 121 00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:24,805 That is the greatest. 122 00:06:24,806 --> 00:06:26,306 It says "Money to Burn". 123 00:06:26,307 --> 00:06:28,233 It looks like you're burning money! 124 00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:29,884 Yes, that's the idea. 125 00:06:29,885 --> 00:06:31,592 No, no, no. 126 00:06:31,593 --> 00:06:33,513 It's so funny. Don't you get it? 127 00:06:33,514 --> 00:06:35,407 Of course get it. I thought of it. 128 00:06:35,408 --> 00:06:38,151 No, no, no. Listen, it says "Money to Burn", 129 00:06:38,152 --> 00:06:40,320 but it's actually... 130 00:06:40,321 --> 00:06:42,915 I know! I know! Talk to someone else. 131 00:06:42,916 --> 00:06:45,608 Hey, pal, you're a news guy. Give it to me straight. 132 00:06:45,609 --> 00:06:47,404 Is this wedding on the level? 133 00:06:47,405 --> 00:06:49,445 Here's the scoop. It's legit! 134 00:06:49,446 --> 00:06:52,890 In other news, local newsman hopes to score with caterer. 135 00:06:53,951 --> 00:06:55,761 This just in: she knows I'm married. 136 00:06:55,762 --> 00:06:58,004 Coming up at 11:00: nothing. 137 00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:00,573 Now, Homer, as this is a bachelor party, 138 00:07:00,574 --> 00:07:02,100 I want to show you something. 139 00:07:02,101 --> 00:07:04,269 But, uh, no word to the wives. 140 00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:06,629 How did you meet your wife, by the way? 141 00:07:06,630 --> 00:07:09,608 Usual: boy meets girl, girl meets bank account. 142 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:11,518 Now, shut your eyes. 143 00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:14,396 You've never seen a body this enticing. 144 00:07:14,397 --> 00:07:16,806 Exactly what I imagined! 145 00:07:19,101 --> 00:07:21,301 Food coma. He'll be fine. 146 00:07:22,029 --> 00:07:23,438 Huh? 147 00:07:23,439 --> 00:07:24,456 Hmm. 148 00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:30,796 Hey, girlfriend! 149 00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:32,655 Uh, who, me? 150 00:07:32,656 --> 00:07:35,542 Lisa, did you get your eyebrows waxed? 151 00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:37,377 You look amazing! 152 00:07:37,378 --> 00:07:39,137 I don't have eyebrows. 153 00:07:39,138 --> 00:07:41,640 Well, check out these twin caterpillars. 154 00:07:41,641 --> 00:07:43,166 Huh? Huh? 155 00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:44,551 What's going on? 156 00:07:44,552 --> 00:07:47,145 Her smile makes me feel full, 157 00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:49,339 like I actually ate dinner last night. 158 00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:52,008 If you never eat, how come you're so fat? 159 00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:53,226 Ow! 160 00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:55,562 Americans can be fat and poor. 161 00:07:55,563 --> 00:07:57,656 That's what makes us so great. 162 00:07:57,657 --> 00:08:00,904 And so, after saving Wilbur, 163 00:08:00,905 --> 00:08:03,478 Charlotte crawled off to die, 164 00:08:03,479 --> 00:08:07,741 as all barn spiders do in the fall. 165 00:08:10,003 --> 00:08:11,503 Bravo, Lisa. 166 00:08:11,504 --> 00:08:14,172 What a positive note on which to end the class. 167 00:08:14,173 --> 00:08:17,158 Positive? Positive? 168 00:08:17,159 --> 00:08:20,828 Charlotte died alone at the saddest place on Earth, 169 00:08:20,829 --> 00:08:23,181 an empty fairground. 170 00:08:23,182 --> 00:08:26,209 Well, your smiling face made dying alone fun. 171 00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:28,670 And believe me, that's where I'm headed. 172 00:08:28,671 --> 00:08:30,597 So as long as I'm smiling, 173 00:08:30,598 --> 00:08:33,174 it doesn't matter what comes out of my mouth? 174 00:08:33,175 --> 00:08:34,400 Or your nose. 175 00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:39,864 I don't need these anymore. 176 00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,954 This'll go good in Willie's stew. 177 00:08:45,279 --> 00:08:48,731 Can it really be that people are this shallow? 178 00:08:48,732 --> 00:08:52,619 Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! 179 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,363 And am I shallow enough to enjoy this? 180 00:08:55,364 --> 00:08:57,198 I am! 181 00:08:58,793 --> 00:09:01,461 I'm so happy, I could sing! 182 00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:05,390 ? Hello, world! ? 183 00:09:05,391 --> 00:09:07,208 Ow, ow, ow. 184 00:09:07,209 --> 00:09:09,060 That really hurts with the braces. 185 00:09:10,063 --> 00:09:12,064 - Take your pick. - What is it? 186 00:09:12,065 --> 00:09:14,590 No idea. The labels are in Spanish. 187 00:09:20,815 --> 00:09:22,983 - Hey, gorgeous. - Hey, Bart. 188 00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:25,819 Lisa? Oh, yuck! I didn't know that was you. 189 00:09:27,396 --> 00:09:30,991 It's the smile. It's totally changed how people see me. 190 00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:34,240 Well, I just want you to know, you'll always be gross to me. 191 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,341 Oh, thank God. I was having doubts, 192 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,331 trying to figure out if this is sexist. 193 00:09:38,332 --> 00:09:40,575 And then I found this. 194 00:09:40,576 --> 00:09:42,510 _ 195 00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:50,176 _ 196 00:09:50,177 --> 00:09:52,253 It seems like ever since the pill, 197 00:09:52,254 --> 00:09:55,107 the workplace has been full of single women. 198 00:09:55,108 --> 00:09:56,758 Here's your coffee, Jim. 199 00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:59,611 Extra sugar, just how you like it. 200 00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:02,447 Hmm. Remind me to get a divorce. 201 00:10:02,448 --> 00:10:05,808 But some women are having trouble "fitting in". 202 00:10:05,809 --> 00:10:08,130 Well, I can't figure it out, Jim. 203 00:10:08,131 --> 00:10:10,299 I was all prepared for a big presentation, 204 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,982 but it went over like a nun at a go-go bar. 205 00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:14,793 Well, there's one thing you didn't prepare, 206 00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:16,128 and that's your face. 207 00:10:16,129 --> 00:10:18,613 But I'm wearing a pound of Mary Kay. 208 00:10:18,614 --> 00:10:20,990 Let me touch your body and show you the problem. 209 00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:22,617 No need to ask. 210 00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:23,826 Mm. 211 00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:25,453 You've got a secret weapon 212 00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:27,547 sitting in the middle of your face. 213 00:10:27,548 --> 00:10:29,999 Now you're sure to get that promotion. 214 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,643 Really? 215 00:10:31,644 --> 00:10:32,886 No. 216 00:10:32,887 --> 00:10:35,797 Ugh! Don't you see why I hate this? 217 00:10:35,798 --> 00:10:37,298 'Cause you hate everything? 218 00:10:37,299 --> 00:10:40,652 Because it makes that jerky old guy right! 219 00:10:40,653 --> 00:10:43,412 I am more popular because I'm smiling. 220 00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:44,579 Told ya! 221 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:57,109 Wow. Not a single picture of Artie. 222 00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:58,836 Maybe he has matured. 223 00:10:59,891 --> 00:11:01,915 _ 224 00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:05,510 Well, I guess being here sort of ends a chapter in my life. 225 00:11:05,511 --> 00:11:07,803 So, lehayim. 226 00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:10,665 That's odd. 227 00:11:10,666 --> 00:11:13,434 Not one person from the bride's family. 228 00:11:17,690 --> 00:11:21,194 Excuse me. We need someone to walk the bride down the aisle. 229 00:11:21,195 --> 00:11:23,331 - Could you? - First, tell me one thing: 230 00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:24,362 How long is the aisle? 231 00:11:24,363 --> 00:11:25,847 About 20 feet. 232 00:11:25,848 --> 00:11:27,365 All right, I'll do it. 233 00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:29,283 But double cake. 234 00:11:31,946 --> 00:11:34,706 They grow up so fast. 235 00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:37,692 I knew this day would come. 236 00:11:37,693 --> 00:11:40,419 You'll always be my little girl. Mm. 237 00:11:41,738 --> 00:11:43,906 If he ever hurts my baby, I'll kill him. 238 00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:45,717 Oh, for crying out loud. 239 00:11:45,718 --> 00:11:47,869 Friends, family, 240 00:11:47,870 --> 00:11:50,037 I take great delight in informing you 241 00:11:50,038 --> 00:11:52,557 that the bride and groom have written their own vows. 242 00:11:54,468 --> 00:11:57,511 Stick to the script, amateurs! 243 00:12:01,383 --> 00:12:03,017 Oh, my God. 244 00:12:03,018 --> 00:12:04,218 This is too weird. 245 00:12:04,219 --> 00:12:06,646 Artie, you are the greatest lover ever. 246 00:12:06,647 --> 00:12:09,765 When we make sex, it is so, so good. 247 00:12:09,766 --> 00:12:12,226 I can't take this anymore. We're getting out of here. 248 00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:14,770 Yeah. This is really creepy. 249 00:12:14,771 --> 00:12:16,580 Even the rhino's leaving. 250 00:12:18,901 --> 00:12:20,751 You may now kiss the bride. 251 00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:27,979 And this is a picture of us at our wedding. 252 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,263 You're so happy. 253 00:12:29,264 --> 00:12:30,912 And here's us on our honeymoon. 254 00:12:30,913 --> 00:12:33,339 - Two days in Ohio, two days in Michigan, - _ 255 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:38,547 and, booyah, up to Ontario for some international flavor. 256 00:12:39,573 --> 00:12:40,922 I'm not happy. 257 00:12:40,923 --> 00:12:43,758 I have a drawing of you saying that in Michigan. 258 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,700 This smile is so wrong. 259 00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:47,220 There's nothing to be happy about. 260 00:12:47,221 --> 00:12:49,989 The world is a mess, and so is this school. 261 00:12:51,308 --> 00:12:53,359 I mean, how hard is this? 262 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,328 The happy girl put the thing in the hole! 263 00:13:00,943 --> 00:13:02,202 Wait a minute. 264 00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:05,630 I could use my new power to change these things, 265 00:13:05,631 --> 00:13:07,490 use it for good. 266 00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:17,050 _ 267 00:13:20,646 --> 00:13:22,463 Indubitably. 268 00:13:22,464 --> 00:13:25,007 Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 269 00:13:25,008 --> 00:13:26,893 I can make it happen. 270 00:13:26,894 --> 00:13:29,069 Hurry! 271 00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:36,161 _ 272 00:13:36,162 --> 00:13:37,403 You posers. 273 00:13:37,404 --> 00:13:39,887 I was for Lisa before it was cool. 274 00:13:39,888 --> 00:13:41,543 You never liked Lisa. 275 00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,387 What? You got to remember that. 276 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,986 That's my one thing! 277 00:13:44,987 --> 00:13:48,030 No. Your thing is crying when you're punched. 278 00:13:48,031 --> 00:13:49,532 Prove it. 279 00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:51,826 Ow! 280 00:13:51,827 --> 00:13:54,203 Aw, you're taking all the fun out of it. 281 00:13:54,204 --> 00:13:56,756 The polls are in, and you're doing great. 282 00:13:56,757 --> 00:13:59,365 You're picking up the key group: girls who don't like Milhouse. 283 00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:00,543 You're big with swing voters, 284 00:14:00,544 --> 00:14:02,428 but the teeter-totters could go either way. 285 00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:04,364 What about the kids on the slide? 286 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,444 Eh, they're up and down, 287 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,333 but the kids on the monkey bars are climbing. 288 00:14:07,334 --> 00:14:08,368 That's all I got. 289 00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,553 Like every election with one week to go, 290 00:14:10,554 --> 00:14:12,105 this is in the bag. 291 00:14:12,106 --> 00:14:13,514 Don't be so sure. 292 00:14:13,515 --> 00:14:15,200 I'm up against a tough opponent: 293 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,310 Dubya Spuckler. 294 00:14:17,311 --> 00:14:19,612 Look at this negative ad he did. 295 00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:22,565 Lisa Simpson says "writin'" ends with a "G" 296 00:14:22,566 --> 00:14:25,192 and "'rithmetic" starts with a "A". 297 00:14:25,193 --> 00:14:26,961 You know what I say? 298 00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:32,241 Don't worry. You just keep smiling. 299 00:14:32,242 --> 00:14:36,037 Well, I do have an orthodontist appointment tomorrow for a tune-up. 300 00:14:36,038 --> 00:14:38,414 In the bag, Madam President. 301 00:14:38,415 --> 00:14:40,207 Bup, don't be so sure. 302 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:43,303 Hey, I drew a picture of your inauguration. 303 00:14:43,304 --> 00:14:46,397 I don't think I've ever looked more radiant. 304 00:14:50,811 --> 00:14:53,980 Okay, kid. Your bottom braces are on. 305 00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:56,699 What happened to my smile? 306 00:14:57,859 --> 00:14:59,700 No, no, no, this is terrible. 307 00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,321 I look like I actually feel. 308 00:15:01,322 --> 00:15:03,748 In six months, you'll have perfect teeth. 309 00:15:03,749 --> 00:15:06,659 Six months? I have to smile now. 310 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:08,328 No, I can power through this. 311 00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:11,572 Ow. Ow. 312 00:15:11,573 --> 00:15:14,408 Uh, Ralph lost his retainer in the trash. 313 00:15:14,409 --> 00:15:15,910 What can we, uh, do here? 314 00:15:15,911 --> 00:15:18,338 New ones are $500. 315 00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:20,840 Uh, so just what is this secret mission, Chief? 316 00:15:20,841 --> 00:15:23,793 - Well, let's just say you're on retainer. - _ 317 00:15:33,404 --> 00:15:36,614 - Let's see. I'll take this. - Aw, stop that. 318 00:15:36,615 --> 00:15:40,142 Aw, come on, Marge. This minibar is paid for. 319 00:15:40,143 --> 00:15:43,363 Do you know the street value of this Toblerone? 320 00:15:43,364 --> 00:15:45,147 Homer, stop it. 321 00:15:45,148 --> 00:15:47,775 I can't help thinking about that poor woman. 322 00:15:47,776 --> 00:15:50,962 Artie only married her because she looks like me. 323 00:15:50,963 --> 00:15:52,822 I mean, a lot like me. 324 00:15:52,823 --> 00:15:54,966 You're right. We have to find her and tell her. 325 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:57,135 But, first, there's something naughty 326 00:15:57,136 --> 00:15:59,136 I want to do with this bed. 327 00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:08,462 Are you sure we should be here? 328 00:16:08,463 --> 00:16:10,390 This is technically his honeymoon. 329 00:16:10,391 --> 00:16:13,525 Achm! Achm! Achm! 330 00:16:15,229 --> 00:16:16,562 Artie? 331 00:16:16,563 --> 00:16:19,306 I'm at the lowest point of my life! 332 00:16:19,307 --> 00:16:21,200 But come on in. 333 00:16:23,162 --> 00:16:25,738 As a woman, I just want to tell your wife 334 00:16:25,739 --> 00:16:27,648 what's really going on here. 335 00:16:27,649 --> 00:16:29,358 Sure, why not? 336 00:16:29,359 --> 00:16:31,485 Say it to her face! 337 00:16:32,562 --> 00:16:33,985 Now you know my secret. 338 00:16:33,986 --> 00:16:36,679 I've spent years trying to build the perfect copy 339 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,514 of the only woman for me: you, Marge. 340 00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:44,582 But they were all inferior in some way. 341 00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:46,918 This one lacks kindness. 342 00:16:46,919 --> 00:16:48,651 This one keeps trying to kill me. 343 00:16:48,652 --> 00:16:50,379 This one's head is a toaster! 344 00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:53,097 And the slots aren't even big enough for a bagel! 345 00:16:53,859 --> 00:16:56,436 Why would you marry a machine? 346 00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:57,603 I didn't. 347 00:16:57,604 --> 00:16:59,346 It was one last trick. 348 00:16:59,347 --> 00:17:01,910 I thought when you saw how perfect we look together, 349 00:17:01,911 --> 00:17:04,444 you would realize that we were meant to be. 350 00:17:04,445 --> 00:17:08,731 I am, as the poet once said, a dumb schmuck. 351 00:17:08,732 --> 00:17:10,375 - Artie. - Yes? 352 00:17:10,376 --> 00:17:12,301 You're not dumb. You're smart. 353 00:17:12,302 --> 00:17:14,158 And I think this crazy project 354 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,238 actually had some brilliance in it. 355 00:17:16,239 --> 00:17:19,533 Imagine if you use that noodle for good. 356 00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:22,128 Wow. Wow. 357 00:17:22,129 --> 00:17:26,540 Only you could find a pearl in the flabby oyster that is me. 358 00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:28,751 I will become a better human being. 359 00:17:28,752 --> 00:17:30,085 Terrific. 360 00:17:30,086 --> 00:17:31,879 And then you'll love me? 361 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,306 No. 362 00:17:33,307 --> 00:17:36,976 Well, then, I finally give up. 363 00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:38,360 Or do I? 364 00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:42,097 Aw, damn it. 365 00:17:42,098 --> 00:17:46,244 Artie, you and your blue crew of Margekateers 366 00:17:46,245 --> 00:17:47,987 have done so many good deeds. 367 00:17:47,988 --> 00:17:49,396 What's next? 368 00:17:49,397 --> 00:17:51,290 I'm gonna make one of them my bride. 369 00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:54,327 Hey, I didn't give you wings. 370 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:55,878 Life finds a way! 371 00:17:56,548 --> 00:17:58,572 _ 372 00:17:58,573 --> 00:18:00,574 Uh, let's quiet down, please. 373 00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:02,243 The sooner we can get this debate over, 374 00:18:02,244 --> 00:18:03,953 the sooner the teachers can get ice cream. 375 00:18:03,954 --> 00:18:05,412 Boo! 376 00:18:05,413 --> 00:18:07,957 - None for Seymour. He gets gassy. - _ 377 00:18:07,958 --> 00:18:09,342 Yeah, I-I know. 378 00:18:09,343 --> 00:18:12,586 And now we have a very special moderator, 379 00:18:12,587 --> 00:18:15,773 Governor Mary Bailey. 380 00:18:15,774 --> 00:18:18,467 Our first candidate is Dubya Spuckler. 381 00:18:18,468 --> 00:18:20,928 Dubya! Dubya! 382 00:18:20,929 --> 00:18:21,946 That's your brother. 383 00:18:21,947 --> 00:18:24,115 He prefers the pronoun "they", 384 00:18:24,116 --> 00:18:27,360 on account of the twin he absorbed in my belly. 385 00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:30,196 Our other candidate is ill, so she'll be Skyping in. 386 00:18:30,197 --> 00:18:31,789 Lisa Simpson. 387 00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:34,275 Lisa, I'm sorry, what do you have? 388 00:18:34,276 --> 00:18:36,944 What I have is an agenda for this school, 389 00:18:36,945 --> 00:18:39,280 an agenda that looks forward. 390 00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:42,177 I can deliver results, while my opponent 391 00:18:42,178 --> 00:18:44,469 can't even spell "results". 392 00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:47,624 Yes, I can. R-E squiggly letter, 393 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:48,998 bucket letter, tall man, 394 00:18:48,999 --> 00:18:50,988 little plus sign, squiggly letter. 395 00:18:50,989 --> 00:18:52,343 "Results". 396 00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:53,811 That's not how you spell "results". 397 00:18:53,812 --> 00:18:56,648 Lisa doesn't sound sick at all. 398 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,726 You said you've done this before. 399 00:19:00,727 --> 00:19:03,237 It was my machismo talking. 400 00:19:09,352 --> 00:19:12,664 Lisa's using a funny-face app. 401 00:19:17,077 --> 00:19:20,004 Listen, I tried to fool you, and that was wrong. 402 00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:22,156 This is an abomination! 403 00:19:22,157 --> 00:19:24,250 What are you doing at a school debate? 404 00:19:24,251 --> 00:19:27,828 My illegitimate son goes here. 405 00:19:27,829 --> 00:19:29,922 Oh, the shame. 406 00:19:29,923 --> 00:19:31,849 I still have good ideas. 407 00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:34,519 All I hear is "nag, nag, nag". 408 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,929 Dubya! Dubya! 409 00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:39,524 Dubya! Dubya! 410 00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:42,435 Oh, boy. 411 00:19:42,436 --> 00:19:44,770 I didn't want to believe my popularity was 412 00:19:44,771 --> 00:19:46,847 based on my stupid smile. 413 00:19:46,848 --> 00:19:49,108 Oh, but it was. 414 00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:51,352 You're just a kid, and things are changing. 415 00:19:51,353 --> 00:19:53,446 In the future, women will be judged 416 00:19:53,447 --> 00:19:55,898 by what they say, not how they look. 417 00:19:55,899 --> 00:19:59,952 Maybe, but the future is a really long way away. 418 00:19:59,953 --> 00:20:02,455 Told you you should smile more. 419 00:20:02,456 --> 00:20:05,032 The future is now! 420 00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:13,582 A toast. I have finally perfected you. 421 00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:16,561 You all look just like Marge, and you will never leave. 422 00:20:16,562 --> 00:20:20,397 Now, which of you lucky girls wants to party with Arty? 423 00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:25,219 I am in power save mode. 424 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,647 Oh, fine. What about you two? 425 00:20:27,648 --> 00:20:29,098 Power save. 426 00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:31,392 One percent battery. 427 00:20:31,393 --> 00:20:32,768 Hmm? 428 00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:35,078 I just don't like you. 429 00:20:36,398 --> 00:20:38,698 Oh! That counts as a kiss. 430 00:21:21,604 --> 00:21:24,128 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 431 00:21:24,129 --> 00:21:26,129 Shh!